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1
00:00:02,794 --> 00:00:04,546
SINGER:
* My eyes are gettin' weary*
2
00:00:04,587 --> 00:00:07,132
* My back is gettin' tight*
3
00:00:07,173 --> 00:00:08,842
* I'm sittin' herein traffic*
4
00:00:08,883 --> 00:00:12,220
* On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
5
00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:17,517
* But I don't care'cause all I want to do*
6
00:00:17,559 --> 00:00:22,063
* Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
7
00:00:22,939 --> 00:00:24,691
* 'Cause, baby, all my life*
8
00:00:24,733 --> 00:00:29,237
* I will be drivin' hometo you*
9
00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:35,827
CARRIE: Hey, hon. Good news
about tomorrow.
10
00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:36,828
What's tomorrow?
11
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:39,456
Tomorrow.
My seminar.
12
00:00:39,497 --> 00:00:41,166
Okay. Gonna need
a little more.
13
00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:43,710
The Tri-State Attorneys'
Seminar I'm coordinating?
14
00:00:43,752 --> 00:00:46,254
The thing I've been pretty
much working on constantly
15
00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:48,131
since Thanksgiving?
16
00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:49,883
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
17
00:00:49,924 --> 00:00:51,343
I remember Thanksgiving.
18
00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:52,385
Doug, come on!
19
00:00:52,427 --> 00:00:53,553
What? What about it?
20
00:00:53,595 --> 00:00:54,846
-Well--
-I like the other chicken
21
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,431
-you make better.
-Huh?
22
00:00:56,473 --> 00:00:58,725
I like the other kind.
This has no zip.
23
00:00:58,767 --> 00:00:59,893
Dad,
you have an ulcer.
24
00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:01,603
You're not
allowed zip, okay?
25
00:01:01,644 --> 00:01:04,189
There's Mrs. Dash
in the cabinet. Try that.
26
00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:05,523
Thanks for nothin'.
27
00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:07,650
So, what's this good news
you speak of?
28
00:01:07,692 --> 00:01:09,402
Okay, the good news is
29
00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:11,321
you can come
to the seminar.
30
00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:14,783
There's a cocktail hour
tomorrow night,
31
00:01:14,824 --> 00:01:17,118
and then a big closing
luncheon on Saturday,
32
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:21,247
and Pruzan said that
I can bring you to both.
33
00:01:21,289 --> 00:01:23,375
Shut up!
That's good news.
34
00:01:23,416 --> 00:01:25,919
-Mrs. Butterworth's?
-Dash. Dash.
35
00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:27,504
It's not in here.
36
00:01:30,256 --> 00:01:32,759
-There you go.
-Oh!
37
00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:33,927
So would you please
just come to this thing?
38
00:01:33,968 --> 00:01:35,261
I'm gonna be
running around
39
00:01:35,303 --> 00:01:36,763
dealing with
200 drunk lawyers.
40
00:01:36,805 --> 00:01:38,682
I could use a hug
now and then.
41
00:01:38,723 --> 00:01:39,849
Can't one of them
hug ya?
42
00:01:39,891 --> 00:01:42,519
Ha ha ha. [MUTTERS]
43
00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:43,687
Okay, Doug, you know what?
44
00:01:43,728 --> 00:01:44,938
You can be a real
jerk sometimes.
45
00:01:44,979 --> 00:01:46,481
I am asking you
to be there for me
46
00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:47,774
because I need
the support.
47
00:01:47,816 --> 00:01:49,609
That's what a marriage
is, you know.
48
00:01:49,651 --> 00:01:51,778
You sometimes make
a sacrifice for your partner
49
00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:53,321
because you love them.
50
00:01:54,197 --> 00:01:55,532
Forget it.
51
00:01:56,658 --> 00:01:58,660
Okay, I'm sorry.
Okay, I'll be there.
52
00:01:58,702 --> 00:01:59,828
I want to be. Really.
53
00:01:59,869 --> 00:02:01,871
-Thank you.
-Onion, black pepper,
54
00:02:01,913 --> 00:02:02,956
celery seeds, cumin,
55
00:02:02,997 --> 00:02:04,541
lemon juice powder,
oregano.
56
00:02:04,582 --> 00:02:06,793
You know, we can make
this stuff ourselves.
57
00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:09,504
Or I could just buy it for $1.
58
00:02:10,338 --> 00:02:11,840
Must be nice being rich.
59
00:02:13,591 --> 00:02:16,803
[EXCITED CHATTERING]
60
00:02:18,722 --> 00:02:20,432
-What's all this?
-Hey, I just spoke to the guys
61
00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:21,808
over at the Brooklyn depot.
62
00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:24,477
They want a mud bowl
rematch. It's on, baby!
63
00:02:24,519 --> 00:02:25,937
-Mud bowl? Is it raining?
-Yeah. It started raining
64
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:27,439
about a half hour ago.
So unless you're about
65
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:28,815
to get bar mitzvahed,
ditch the tie
66
00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:30,859
and put your sweats on.
Come on.
67
00:02:30,900 --> 00:02:32,402
I can't. I gotta go
meet Carrie in the city
68
00:02:32,444 --> 00:02:35,238
at a stupid reception
thing for her job.
69
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,365
What? Can't you just
blow off the reception?
70
00:02:37,407 --> 00:02:40,243
Nah. No way.
Carrie will kill me.
71
00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:42,328
When she does, let us know
what kind of dress
72
00:02:42,370 --> 00:02:43,830
you want to be buried in.
73
00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:46,541
Funny, man. Funny. Let me tell
you guys something--
74
00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:47,834
in a marriage,
75
00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:49,419
you sometimes
gotta make sacrifices
76
00:02:49,461 --> 00:02:51,546
for your partner
'cause you love them,
77
00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:54,966
and you--and you
support them and--
78
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:56,968
and what am I,
Alan Alda?
79
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,511
Let's play
some mudball!
80
00:02:58,553 --> 00:03:00,305
-Whoo!
-Yeah!
81
00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:08,521
Carrie?
82
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:20,658
-Aah!
-Aah!
83
00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,869
Arthur!
Arthur, it's me!
84
00:03:23,912 --> 00:03:25,455
Douglas.
I thought you were
85
00:03:25,497 --> 00:03:26,873
at that seminar
with Carrie.
86
00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:28,667
Something came up.
Listen.
87
00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:30,418
I'm gonna
jump in the shower.
88
00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,712
When Carrie comes in,
pretend you never saw me
89
00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:35,298
and you definitely
never saw this.
90
00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:37,717
Yeah, well, what should
I say? What should I do?
91
00:03:37,759 --> 00:03:41,346
Nothing. Just stay here
and act natural. That's it.
92
00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:42,764
Ah-choo!
93
00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:44,599
[COUGHS]
94
00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:50,063
-Hi, daddy.
-I'm just reading the newspaper,
95
00:03:50,105 --> 00:03:52,399
that's all!
96
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,943
Okay. Is, uh--
is Doug home?
97
00:03:54,984 --> 00:03:56,903
I have no idea.
I heard some noises.
98
00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:59,072
Must have been some animal
rummaging for food,
99
00:03:59,114 --> 00:04:02,367
perhaps
a heavyset squirrel.
100
00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:06,037
[WATER RUNNING]
101
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,289
well, the shower's running.
I assume that's him.
102
00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:09,582
Your guess
is as good as mine.
103
00:04:09,624 --> 00:04:13,044
Oh, poor baby.
At the last minute,
104
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:15,463
his boss made him
work late.
105
00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:18,425
Had to make an emergency run
to LaGuardia.
106
00:04:18,466 --> 00:04:20,593
Oh, did he, now?
107
00:04:20,635 --> 00:04:23,054
He probably put in a 15-hour day
and in this weather.
108
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:26,349
-He's probably exhausted.
-I'm sure he is.
109
00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:27,767
Hey, how'd it go?
110
00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:30,520
Ohh. Pruzan
was on my butt
111
00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:32,355
the whole day.
112
00:04:32,397 --> 00:04:33,732
I am so stressed.
113
00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:36,735
Really? Sorry
I couldn't be there.
114
00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:38,611
Well, you had to work late.
What can you do?
115
00:04:38,653 --> 00:04:40,030
Nothin'.
I'm just saying.
116
00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:41,906
I'll tell you, I wish you had
been there, sweetie.
117
00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:45,869
I could have really,
really used some moral support.
118
00:04:45,910 --> 00:04:47,495
You know, what,
I will be there tomorrow
119
00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:49,039
with all the moral support
you can handle.
120
00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:50,707
In fact, you'll have
extra moral support.
121
00:04:50,749 --> 00:04:52,792
You can save that
for next year's seminar.
122
00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:53,960
-Okay?
-Okay.
123
00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:55,712
-Ah-choo!
-Oh, bless you.
124
00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:56,921
Hey, sit, sit, sit.
125
00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:58,923
I brought you home
some baby knishes.
126
00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:00,842
Believe me,
it was not easy
127
00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:03,053
tearing them away
from their mommy.
128
00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:05,805
-Ha ha ha!
-Very emotional.
129
00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:10,477
Dad, look at this floor.
130
00:05:10,518 --> 00:05:13,063
Did you track in mud
again?
131
00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:14,731
I suppose I did.
132
00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:17,692
I suppose
133
00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:19,694
I did.
134
00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:31,748
[COUGHS]
135
00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:35,835
Honey, come on.
It's after 9:00.
136
00:05:35,877 --> 00:05:38,505
We have to be
at the banquet room by 10:00.
137
00:05:38,546 --> 00:05:39,798
I'm getting up now.
138
00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:41,383
I laid out
all your clothes
139
00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:44,969
so all you have to do is pour
your hot little body into 'em.
140
00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:48,390
My God,
you look awful.
141
00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:49,849
Are you sick?
142
00:05:49,891 --> 00:05:51,351
No, I'm fine.
143
00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:53,853
Doug,
you're on fire!
144
00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:55,438
And sweaty.
145
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:56,523
No, I'm fine.
146
00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:57,982
[COUGHS]
147
00:05:58,024 --> 00:05:59,234
oh, honey, come on.
Look at you.
148
00:05:59,275 --> 00:06:02,070
You're not going
anywhere today.
149
00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:03,822
I'm sorry
I got sick, Car.
150
00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:05,115
Hey,
it's not your fault.
151
00:06:05,156 --> 00:06:07,283
You probably caught it
unloading boxes
152
00:06:07,325 --> 00:06:09,327
in the rain last night.
153
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:10,578
Uh-huh.
154
00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:11,913
Oh, oh, I gotta go.
155
00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:14,416
Listen, you just
lay there, relax.
156
00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:15,417
Watch some TV,
157
00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:16,543
and I will call you
later
158
00:06:16,584 --> 00:06:17,919
and check up
on you, okay?
159
00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:19,295
I love you, sweetie.
160
00:06:24,843 --> 00:06:27,262
[COUGH]
161
00:06:27,303 --> 00:06:28,430
Carrie asked me
to bring this to you.
162
00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:32,183
I believe it's...
tea, food,
163
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:34,227
and...medicine.
164
00:06:34,269 --> 00:06:36,271
Oh. Thanks.
165
00:06:36,312 --> 00:06:39,190
She tells me
you're under the weather.
166
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:42,360
Yeah. If I were you,
I wouldn't get too close.
167
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,863
In fact, that's probably
a good rule in general.
168
00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:47,949
Right-o.
169
00:06:47,991 --> 00:06:49,868
Oh, and
if anyone calls,
170
00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:51,870
I'll tell them
you're...
171
00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:53,246
"sick."
172
00:06:53,288 --> 00:06:55,081
-I am sick, Arthur.
-ARTHUR: Of course you are.
173
00:06:55,123 --> 00:06:58,084
Just like you had
to "work" last night.
174
00:06:58,126 --> 00:06:59,294
Oh, come on.
Don't start with me.
175
00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:00,920
I'm not
starting anything.
176
00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:02,589
All I know is your wife
needed you last night,
177
00:07:02,630 --> 00:07:04,299
but instead you were out
enjoying yourself,
178
00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:07,927
digging up buried footballs
with your friends.
179
00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:09,220
We were
playing football.
180
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,972
Oh, save your oysters,
Eddie.
181
00:07:11,014 --> 00:07:12,640
I already have enough
of your stink on me.
182
00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:16,144
Oh, would you
come off--[COUGHS]
183
00:07:16,186 --> 00:07:18,646
ARTHUR: It's called
covering your mouth.
184
00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:20,315
[COUGH]
185
00:07:20,357 --> 00:07:22,317
-Very mature.
-Oh, come on, Arthur.
186
00:07:22,359 --> 00:07:23,443
Get off your
high horse, huh?
187
00:07:23,485 --> 00:07:25,111
You're not
Mr. Perfect either!
188
00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:28,198
Why? Because I eavesdrop
on an occasional phone call?
189
00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:30,075
Because I sometimes
help myself
190
00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:32,285
to the change
on your night stand?
191
00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:33,536
Fine.
I'm not perfect.
192
00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:36,164
But at least
I'm not a liar.
193
00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:39,417
You broke my heart,
Douglas!
194
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:42,504
Yeah, well, you--
you broke my heart, too!
195
00:07:42,545 --> 00:07:46,299
Okay, your little guilt trip's
not gonna work!
196
00:07:46,341 --> 00:07:49,052
I do lots of stuff
for Carrie, lots of stuff!
197
00:07:49,094 --> 00:07:50,637
ARTHUR: Tell that
to your conscience!
198
00:07:50,679 --> 00:07:53,139
My conscience is fine,
so shutty!
199
00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:55,058
ARTHUR: No! You shutty!
200
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:57,185
DOUG: You shutty!
201
00:07:57,227 --> 00:08:00,188
[COUGHING]
202
00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:04,526
[PEOPLE CHATTERING ON TV]
203
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:10,490
WOMAN [OVER TV]: I havesomething to say about that...
204
00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:19,290
[THE HONEYMOONERS THEME PLAYING]
205
00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:27,215
MAN [OVER TV]: Jackie Gleason...
206
00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:31,219
the Honeymooners.
207
00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:36,099
[APPLAUSE]
208
00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:44,482
Hey, Deacon!
Come on down, pal!
209
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:52,449
Hey, Dougie boy!
210
00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:55,118
[APPLAUSE]
211
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,620
well, my friend, I think
congratulations are in order.
212
00:08:57,662 --> 00:09:00,582
Why? The bus company startin'
to pay ya by the pound?
213
00:09:00,623 --> 00:09:01,958
Ha ha ha!
214
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,002
Oh, you're funny, pal.
You are funny.
215
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,504
I don't know why you're wastin'
your time down at the sewer,
216
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,423
'cause you should be on stage
somewhere,
217
00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:10,633
'cause you are a riot.
218
00:09:10,675 --> 00:09:13,470
So, uh...what am I
congratulating you for?
219
00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:14,763
For being a genius.
220
00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:16,765
I told Carrie we got
an emergency meeting
221
00:09:16,806 --> 00:09:18,266
down at the Raccoon
Lodge tonight,
222
00:09:18,308 --> 00:09:20,268
so now I'm free
to go bowlin'.
223
00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:22,979
Mmm...I'm good!
224
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:25,273
I gotta hand it
to ya, Doug.
225
00:09:25,315 --> 00:09:26,566
I could never lie
to Kelly.
226
00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:29,611
No, she'd smell it
on me a mile away.
227
00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:32,155
That's the difference
between you and I, Deac.
228
00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:35,617
Unlike you, I am not a-scared
of my wife.
229
00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:37,702
I am the king
of my castle.
230
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,079
The king!
231
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,206
She is just
a mere peasant!
232
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:42,665
Now, help me
think of a way
233
00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:45,502
to sneak out
my bowling shoes after supper.
234
00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:50,632
Hey!
235
00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:52,592
Why don't we use
this here and, uh...
236
00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:54,135
wrap 'em up
like a gift?
237
00:09:54,177 --> 00:09:56,680
That's usin'
your noodle, pal. Here ya go.
238
00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:59,599
There. Put 'em in there.
How's that look?
239
00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:02,477
I don't know. It, uh...
kinda needs something.
240
00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:03,645
What do you mean?
241
00:10:03,687 --> 00:10:05,689
You got a nice ribbon
or something?
242
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:09,484
Good idea. A ribbon.
Here we go. Okay.
243
00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:12,362
There you go, pal.
244
00:10:12,404 --> 00:10:14,030
Just wrap it up,
and hurry up.
245
00:10:14,072 --> 00:10:15,490
Carrie'll be home
any minute.
246
00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:17,367
Right-o.
247
00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:31,172
Will you come on?!
248
00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:38,638
There it is.
It's all done.
249
00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:42,851
[APPLAUSE]
250
00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:44,769
Hiya, Doug.
Hello, Deac.
251
00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:45,854
Well, hi, sweetheart.
252
00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:47,480
Whaddaya say there,
Carrie?
253
00:10:47,522 --> 00:10:49,566
Doug, what time is
your lodge meeting tonight?
254
00:10:49,607 --> 00:10:51,484
I told you, 8:00.
255
00:10:51,526 --> 00:10:53,486
Really? Because I just
ran into the high exalted
256
00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:55,488
mystic ruler's wife
at the beauty parlor,
257
00:10:55,530 --> 00:10:58,700
and she told me he's
out of town till Tuesday.
258
00:11:01,244 --> 00:11:03,163
Homina, homina,
homina, homina...
259
00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:04,539
well, of course he is.
260
00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:06,249
That's why we're meetin'--
to plan
261
00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:08,335
his surprise
birthday party.
262
00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:11,171
Oh! Is that
what this is for?
263
00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:12,380
Uh...
264
00:11:12,422 --> 00:11:15,216
no, no, it's something
I got for Kelly.
265
00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:18,303
Oh, well, that's sweet.
What'd you get her?
266
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:19,763
Bowling shoes.
267
00:11:19,804 --> 00:11:22,724
New bowling shoes.
Well, that's swell.
268
00:11:22,766 --> 00:11:24,809
Well, I'm gonna
get cleaned up for supper.
269
00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:27,103
All right.
All right, sweetheart.
270
00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:29,481
You take
your time now, okay?
271
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:30,815
Bowling shoes?
272
00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:32,150
That's what you come up
with, bowling shoes?
273
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:33,360
I--I got kinda nervous,
274
00:11:33,401 --> 00:11:35,779
you know, bein' around
a king. Ha ha.
275
00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:38,114
Get out. Get out!
276
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:44,287
[THE HONEYMOONERS THEME PLAYING]
277
00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:51,628
[CHANNEL CHANGES]
278
00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:56,800
PAT SAJAK:
Okay, Arthur, 450.
279
00:11:56,841 --> 00:11:59,386
Okay, uh...
I'd like a 4.
280
00:11:59,427 --> 00:12:01,513
We only take letters.
281
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:02,931
Is there an "H"?
282
00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:06,309
Yeah, "H", "H" was called.
In fact, you called it.
283
00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:09,187
-[BUZZER]
-Aah! Ga--
284
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,481
Sorry, Arthur. Time's up.
Carrie, it's your turn.
285
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:15,276
Big money, big money,
big money!
286
00:12:15,318 --> 00:12:16,861
And...600.
287
00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:18,196
Uh, actually, Pat,
288
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:20,365
I would like
to solve the puzzle.
289
00:12:21,199 --> 00:12:24,411
Noooo!
290
00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:26,705
Pat! He's touching
the letters!
291
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:28,707
He's touching
them!
292
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,500
Make him stop!
293
00:12:30,542 --> 00:12:32,293
Wait a second.
294
00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:34,337
Did he lie to me?
295
00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:35,630
No lie--I didn't li--
296
00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:38,299
[PEOPLE CHATTERING ON TV]
297
00:12:48,351 --> 00:12:51,312
-You're a liar!-Ouch!
298
00:12:51,354 --> 00:12:52,731
You're a louse.
299
00:12:55,025 --> 00:12:56,526
You're a stinker!
300
00:12:57,902 --> 00:12:58,862
But... but...
301
00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:00,447
Don't you "but" me.
302
00:13:01,364 --> 00:13:02,449
Oh, boy.
303
00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:04,492
[BIRDS CHIRP]
304
00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:06,327
I told you so.
305
00:13:06,369 --> 00:13:08,371
Shutty.
306
00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:10,206
Not going so good.
307
00:13:17,005 --> 00:13:20,258
[COUGHING]
308
00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:36,358
Hey, bro.
How you feelin'?
309
00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:38,401
Oh, man,
like old gum.
310
00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:39,694
I brought
your paycheck.
311
00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:41,780
Oh, thanks a lot, guy.
312
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,740
So, uh...Carrie
believe your lie
313
00:13:43,782 --> 00:13:45,784
-about workin' late?
-It wasn't a lie, man.
314
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:46,993
It was an excuse, okay?
315
00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:48,119
Besides, you guys
pressured me into it!
316
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,621
I had my tie on!
317
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:50,914
Chill, alright?
318
00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:53,917
I'm on your side,
player. Jeez!
319
00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:55,377
[BRIAN'S SONG THEME PLAYING]
320
00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:57,379
Hey, hey,
check this out.
321
00:13:57,420 --> 00:14:00,090
-Brian's song.
-DOUG: Oh, cool.
322
00:14:00,131 --> 00:14:02,133
-You wanna stay and watch?
-Nah.
323
00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:03,301
I'm supposed to be working
right now.
324
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:06,888
All right.
Later, guy.
325
00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:10,266
[BRIAN'S SONG THEME PLAYING]
326
00:14:12,811 --> 00:14:14,646
Hey, Black Magic.
327
00:14:19,442 --> 00:14:22,028
How you doin', Heff?
328
00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:24,406
It's, uh...
329
00:14:24,447 --> 00:14:26,157
fourth and 8,
330
00:14:27,242 --> 00:14:28,952
and...
331
00:14:28,993 --> 00:14:30,829
they won't
let me punt.
332
00:14:31,746 --> 00:14:33,081
Go for it, then.
333
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,334
I'm tryin'.
334
00:14:37,252 --> 00:14:39,212
Jesus...God...
335
00:14:39,254 --> 00:14:42,048
I'm...tryin'.
336
00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:54,769
I brought
your paycheck.
337
00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:57,731
Thanks... Magic.
338
00:14:57,772 --> 00:14:59,441
Where do you want me
to put it?
339
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:02,861
Over there...
340
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:04,696
by the deposit
slips.
341
00:15:05,780 --> 00:15:07,323
I'm sorry. What?
342
00:15:07,365 --> 00:15:10,785
[MUMBLES]
343
00:15:10,827 --> 00:15:14,831
Uh...
Guy, can you speak up a little?
344
00:15:14,873 --> 00:15:17,125
[MUMBLES]
345
00:15:24,382 --> 00:15:25,800
[GROANS]
346
00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:30,472
That's good.
347
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:44,027
I love Doug Heffernan.
348
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:49,449
And I'd like all of you
to love him too.
349
00:15:49,491 --> 00:15:52,786
So tonight,
when you hit your knees...
350
00:15:57,415 --> 00:15:59,417
please ask Carrie to love him.
351
00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:17,977
[THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS
THEME PLAYING]
352
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:39,499
I understand you've done
some impressive work
353
00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:41,418
for Brash and Sassy.
354
00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:42,877
Thank you. But I'm sure
355
00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:45,130
you didn't call me here to
tell me that.
356
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:47,090
No, that's correct.
357
00:16:48,299 --> 00:16:49,884
Then what do you want?
358
00:16:51,636 --> 00:16:54,431
I want the formula
for the anti-aging cream.
359
00:16:54,472 --> 00:16:57,017
Well, well, well.
360
00:16:57,058 --> 00:16:59,144
NIKKI: If it isn't
my old friend
361
00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:01,438
Arthur Spooner.
362
00:17:01,479 --> 00:17:03,440
Nikki Newman.
363
00:17:03,481 --> 00:17:05,400
We meet again.
364
00:17:05,442 --> 00:17:07,277
So sorry to eavesdrop,
365
00:17:07,318 --> 00:17:08,445
but I thought
you should know
366
00:17:08,486 --> 00:17:10,405
that brash and sassy
doesn't have
367
00:17:10,447 --> 00:17:12,157
an anti-aging cream.
368
00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:14,117
That cream is my baby,
369
00:17:14,159 --> 00:17:16,286
and it's
the exclusive property
370
00:17:16,327 --> 00:17:18,580
of Jabot cosmetics.
371
00:17:24,294 --> 00:17:27,005
It feels so good
to hold you.
372
00:17:27,047 --> 00:17:29,049
I miss you, Jack.
373
00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:31,134
I can't believe
you have a little person
374
00:17:31,176 --> 00:17:33,094
growing inside of you,
375
00:17:33,136 --> 00:17:34,596
a little us.
376
00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:37,307
So...
377
00:17:37,349 --> 00:17:38,975
what about Doug?
378
00:17:39,017 --> 00:17:40,643
Oh, the hell with Doug.
379
00:17:40,685 --> 00:17:43,021
He doesn't love me
like you do.
380
00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:45,315
And he lied to me.
381
00:17:45,357 --> 00:17:47,067
He lied to me!
382
00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:49,361
Bastard.
383
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:51,571
Oh...it's all right.
384
00:17:51,613 --> 00:17:53,406
It's all right.
385
00:17:53,448 --> 00:17:55,075
It's you I love, Jack.
386
00:17:56,201 --> 00:17:57,869
And I love you.
387
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:15,345
No!
388
00:18:15,387 --> 00:18:17,013
Douglas, are you okay?
389
00:18:17,055 --> 00:18:19,224
I heard someone
screaming like a bitch.
390
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:21,476
Ohhh.
391
00:18:21,518 --> 00:18:23,311
I gotta--
I gotta talk to Carrie.
392
00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:25,480
I gotta tell her I lied.
You were right, Arthur.
393
00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:27,691
Of course I was right.
Now, go to her, son.
394
00:18:27,732 --> 00:18:29,150
Tell her you're sorry.
395
00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:31,194
Tell her
what she means to you!
396
00:18:31,236 --> 00:18:32,904
Go!
397
00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:35,490
-Go!
-Can I put my pants on?!
398
00:18:40,078 --> 00:18:41,621
CARRIE: Uh, excuse me, folks,
399
00:18:41,663 --> 00:18:45,542
if I can get you all to skooch
on into the ballroom.
400
00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:48,503
Uh, people, key note address
about to begin.
401
00:18:48,545 --> 00:18:50,380
Legal ethics in the new century.
402
00:18:50,422 --> 00:18:52,507
That shouldn't take too long,
huh?
403
00:18:52,549 --> 00:18:54,551
OK, come on, guys.
404
00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:56,469
Doug!
405
00:18:56,511 --> 00:18:57,971
What are you
doing here?
406
00:18:58,013 --> 00:18:59,681
I had to talk to you.
It's important.
407
00:18:59,723 --> 00:19:01,599
-Is everything okay?
-Yeah. It's just that I gotta--
408
00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:04,102
Honey, you
are still boiling.
409
00:19:04,144 --> 00:19:05,562
Go home.
We can talk tonight.
410
00:19:05,603 --> 00:19:07,689
No, I have to talk
to you now.
411
00:19:07,731 --> 00:19:09,274
-Okay. All right.
-Let me--
412
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:10,650
let me just go herd them
into their pen,
413
00:19:10,692 --> 00:19:12,110
and I'll be right back.
Just wait at the bar.
414
00:19:12,152 --> 00:19:13,361
Go ahead.
415
00:19:13,403 --> 00:19:16,656
[PEOPLE CHATTERING ON TV]
416
00:19:23,204 --> 00:19:24,664
MAN [OVER TV]:
And now we continue
417
00:19:24,706 --> 00:19:28,168
with our weekend-longhoneymooners marathon
418
00:19:28,209 --> 00:19:31,463
[MUSIC PLAYING ON TV]
419
00:19:34,591 --> 00:19:36,384
MAN [OVER TV] Jackie Gleason.
420
00:19:37,761 --> 00:19:40,430
The Honeymooners.
421
00:19:40,472 --> 00:19:42,182
So I lied to you,Carrie.
422
00:19:42,223 --> 00:19:45,393
The whole thing wasone big stinkin' whopper.
423
00:19:48,063 --> 00:19:50,732
Well, ain't you
gonna say nuttin'?
424
00:19:50,774 --> 00:19:53,026
Well, Doug, it's great
that you finally confessed.
425
00:19:53,068 --> 00:19:55,612
Just great. That explains
where you were last night,
426
00:19:55,653 --> 00:19:57,280
out having a ball
with your chums,
427
00:19:57,322 --> 00:20:00,325
but it doesn't explain something
much more important,
428
00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:02,369
why you didn't even think
enough of me to tell me
429
00:20:02,410 --> 00:20:03,620
the truth.
430
00:20:03,661 --> 00:20:06,289
I wish you had
an explanation for that.
431
00:20:06,331 --> 00:20:09,501
Oh, how I wish you had
an explanation for that.
432
00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:34,150
I have got
an explanation for it.
433
00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:37,487
I'm a mope.
434
00:20:37,529 --> 00:20:39,364
But I love ya,
sweetheart.
435
00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:40,782
Honest I do.
436
00:20:41,866 --> 00:20:43,410
Aw, Doug!
437
00:20:43,451 --> 00:20:45,745
Baby,
you're the greatest.
438
00:20:45,787 --> 00:20:48,456
[THE HONEYMOONERS THEME PLAYS]
439
00:20:48,498 --> 00:20:51,251
Huh? What--oh, I must've--
440
00:20:51,292 --> 00:20:53,294
-I must've fell asleep.
-So what's so important?
441
00:20:53,336 --> 00:20:55,380
Why'd you come
all the way down here?
442
00:20:55,422 --> 00:20:58,591
Well, because...
I need to tell you something.
443
00:20:58,633 --> 00:21:00,760
I...
444
00:21:00,802 --> 00:21:03,263
I didn't have to
work late last night.
445
00:21:03,304 --> 00:21:05,390
I--I lied
and I told you I did
446
00:21:05,432 --> 00:21:07,684
just so I could play
mud football.
447
00:21:07,726 --> 00:21:11,062
I know you needed me here,
and I really let you down.
448
00:21:11,855 --> 00:21:14,274
I'm a mope.
449
00:21:14,315 --> 00:21:15,775
But I love you,
sweetheart.
450
00:21:15,817 --> 00:21:17,152
Honest.
451
00:21:17,193 --> 00:21:18,611
I do.
452
00:21:18,653 --> 00:21:20,447
You lied to me?
453
00:21:20,488 --> 00:21:22,782
You make me sick.
454
00:21:27,495 --> 00:21:29,122
You're the greatest.
455
00:21:33,126 --> 00:21:34,669
NARRATOR:
Doug Heffernan lied
456
00:21:34,711 --> 00:21:36,212
at the age of 35.
457
00:21:36,254 --> 00:21:38,757
He betrayed not onlyhis father-in-law,
458
00:21:38,798 --> 00:21:39,883
but more importantly,
459
00:21:39,924 --> 00:21:41,468
the woman he loves.
460
00:21:41,509 --> 00:21:42,761
But when they think of him,
461
00:21:42,802 --> 00:21:44,679
it's not how he playedmud football
462
00:21:44,721 --> 00:21:45,930
that they remember,
463
00:21:45,972 --> 00:21:47,891
but rather how he lied,
464
00:21:47,932 --> 00:21:49,934
how he did lie.
465
00:21:49,976 --> 00:21:53,480
[BRIAN'S SONG THEME PLAYING]
466
00:22:07,285 --> 00:22:10,163
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
32024
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