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1
00:00:02,877 --> 00:00:04,421
SINGER: * My eyesare gettin' weary*
2
00:00:04,462 --> 00:00:06,339
* My back is gettin' tight*
3
00:00:06,381 --> 00:00:08,383
* I'm sittin' herein traffic*
4
00:00:08,425 --> 00:00:11,511
* On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
5
00:00:11,553 --> 00:00:16,808
* But I don't care'cause all I want to do*
6
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:22,355
* Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
7
00:00:22,397 --> 00:00:24,232
* 'Cause, baby,all my life*
8
00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:29,279
* I will be drivin' hometo you*
9
00:00:33,575 --> 00:00:35,368
DOUG: * Doug, Doug, Doug!*
10
00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:38,038
* How do you like it,how do you like it?*
11
00:00:38,079 --> 00:00:40,749
* Doug, Doug, Doug!*
12
00:00:40,790 --> 00:00:42,250
* How do you like it?*
13
00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:43,877
Ha, ha! See what I did
there?
14
00:00:43,918 --> 00:00:45,128
I threw a little
Doug in there.
15
00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:46,504
-That's my new theme song.
-Mmm.
16
00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:48,131
Mmm. Well, I, for one,
am gonna miss
17
00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:50,383
Yellow Dougmarine.
18
00:00:50,425 --> 00:00:52,302
What's going on here,
pretty young thing?
19
00:00:52,344 --> 00:00:53,928
I am making
breakfast.
20
00:00:53,970 --> 00:00:55,555
Mmm.
21
00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:56,514
Come on, quit it.
22
00:00:56,556 --> 00:00:58,099
What? It's
strawberry shampoo.
23
00:00:58,141 --> 00:01:00,185
They want you
to eat it.
24
00:01:00,935 --> 00:01:04,439
Mmm! [COUGHING]
25
00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:09,277
-Hair?
-[WHEEZES]
26
00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:11,363
Y-you okay, there?
27
00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:13,365
-Spectacular.
-Wow.
28
00:01:13,406 --> 00:01:14,908
Look at this mood
you're in.
29
00:01:14,949 --> 00:01:16,326
You're singing,
you're eating my hair.
30
00:01:16,368 --> 00:01:18,745
It's like having a little
monkey around the house.
31
00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:20,246
Well, I'm happy,
you know.
32
00:01:20,288 --> 00:01:22,749
Just one more week,
and I'll be parking my butt
33
00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:23,875
outside in the garage
34
00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:26,002
in front of my
55-inch bad boy
35
00:01:26,044 --> 00:01:29,673
watching Super Bowl XXXV.
36
00:01:29,714 --> 00:01:33,259
That's 35 to all you
non-roman people.
37
00:01:33,301 --> 00:01:35,553
Gotta tell you, Doug,
I love you at Super Bowl time.
38
00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:37,472
You are a delight
to be around.
39
00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:38,765
Hey, you have
your special days.
40
00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:41,184
Your Christmas
and whatnot.
41
00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:42,977
I have this.
42
00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:45,772
I just wish the Super Bowl
came every day.
43
00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:47,565
So do I, Carrie.
44
00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:49,401
So do I.
45
00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:52,612
-[DOORBELL RINGS]
-SUSAN: Who is it?
46
00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:55,782
Uh, it's I.P.S. for
Mrs. Susan Horowitz.
47
00:01:55,824 --> 00:01:57,659
WOMAN [OVER TV]: Now I heardthat menopause can start
48
00:01:57,701 --> 00:01:59,452
when they're in their 20's.Is that true?
49
00:01:59,494 --> 00:02:01,538
-Hi.
-Hey, Bath and Body Works.
50
00:02:01,579 --> 00:02:03,123
Someone's
pampering herself.
51
00:02:03,164 --> 00:02:04,666
Good for you.
52
00:02:04,708 --> 00:02:07,168
-Where do I sign?
-Oh, just right here.
53
00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:08,461
Oh, my god,
that television.
54
00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:11,798
-Is that hi-def?
-Uh, yeah, I guess so.
55
00:02:12,757 --> 00:02:15,385
BOY: Ma, where's
the peanut butter?
56
00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:17,762
-It's in the pantry!
-[BABY CRYING]
57
00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:19,305
The detail
is amazing.
58
00:02:19,347 --> 00:02:21,307
-Oh, please don't cry, baby.
-It's like star Jones
59
00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:24,060
is actually in
your living room.
60
00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:25,812
BOY: There isn't any!
61
00:02:25,854 --> 00:02:27,731
Then there isn't any!
62
00:02:27,772 --> 00:02:29,315
Do you know if
they're broadcasting
63
00:02:29,357 --> 00:02:30,692
-the super bowl in hi-def?
-They gotta be.
64
00:02:30,734 --> 00:02:32,318
-They should be.
-Yeah, I really don't know.
65
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:34,738
-My husband's the one who--
-BOY: Ma!
66
00:02:34,779 --> 00:02:37,282
If you ask me for peanut butter
one more time,
67
00:02:37,323 --> 00:02:39,367
I'm gonna smack you!
68
00:02:40,368 --> 00:02:42,287
-Are we done here?
-They're talking
69
00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:44,998
about menopause,
yet I'm hypnotized.
70
00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,917
-BOY: Ma-a-a!
-Shut up!
71
00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:49,669
Beautiful!
72
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:57,302
MAN [OVER TV]: And nowonly 99 cents.
73
00:02:57,344 --> 00:02:58,845
I don't understand
what you're saying,
74
00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:00,555
the picture looks fine.
75
00:03:00,597 --> 00:03:04,100
In fact, I wasn't in the mood
for a chalupa before...
76
00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:05,477
I am now.
77
00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:08,563
You just don't get it do you?
78
00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:10,690
What's your problem?
I thought you loved this TV.
79
00:03:10,732 --> 00:03:16,112
I did, until today when I saw
the future... high def.
80
00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:17,530
It's like when you have a kid.
81
00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:19,491
You know, and you're really
happy with that kid.
82
00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:21,284
But then, you have a second kid.
83
00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:22,619
And all of a sudden,
you know what,
84
00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:25,705
first kid doesn't
look so good anymore.
85
00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:28,166
You have some issues with Mom
and Dad, don't you?
86
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,460
Yeah.
87
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,091
I'll be right with you.
88
00:03:36,132 --> 00:03:37,759
Thank you.
89
00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:39,636
All right, listen up.
90
00:03:39,678 --> 00:03:41,179
I'm gonna ask
for the most expensive
91
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,681
hi-def set
they make,
92
00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:44,849
then you say, "We can't
afford that."
93
00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:46,393
that way, it'll look like
I'm buying one for real,
94
00:03:46,434 --> 00:03:47,811
and not just buying one
to return it
95
00:03:47,852 --> 00:03:49,979
-after the Super Bowl.
-Why am I saying "we"?
96
00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:53,566
I mean, are we supposed
to be a couple or something?
97
00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:55,360
Yeah. So it just doesn't look
like, you know,
98
00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:57,404
we're 2 dudes who wanna watch
the Super Bowl. You know?
99
00:03:57,445 --> 00:03:58,988
We're together.
We're committed.
100
00:03:59,030 --> 00:04:00,907
Maybe we bought
a townhouse.
101
00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:04,577
All right.
102
00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:05,995
What?
103
00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:08,289
I just don't know how believable
it's gonna be, you know?
104
00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:10,583
That--that I'm with you.
105
00:04:12,877 --> 00:04:14,587
Well, excuse me.
106
00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:16,297
I didn't mean anything by it.
I'm just saying--
107
00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:18,258
I know what you're saying,
okay. It's fine.
108
00:04:18,299 --> 00:04:20,176
Look, it's more
the black-and-white thing.
109
00:04:20,218 --> 00:04:22,595
I just don't think
people are ready to--
110
00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:23,972
Stop it.
111
00:04:25,181 --> 00:04:27,225
-Ok, what do you need?
-Uh, yeah,
112
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,727
this hi-def model right here.
113
00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:30,353
Is this the most
expensive one you carry?
114
00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:32,272
Yeah, it is. It's also the best
one on the market.
115
00:04:32,313 --> 00:04:34,941
-It is a beauty.
-Doug,
116
00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:36,526
we can't afford it.
117
00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:39,279
Excuse me,
there's no "we" here, okay?
118
00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,948
We broke up.
Now move on.
119
00:04:46,327 --> 00:04:47,662
Sorry about that.
He's...
120
00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:50,290
anyway, uh, yeah,
I will take it,
121
00:04:50,331 --> 00:04:51,458
and that'd be great.
122
00:04:51,499 --> 00:04:53,668
Any chance you could
deliver it by, uh,
123
00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:56,171
I don't know,
maybe Sunday?
124
00:04:56,212 --> 00:04:57,964
Tomorrow between
12:00 and 6:00.
125
00:04:58,006 --> 00:05:01,176
Good. Great.
Stellar.
126
00:05:01,217 --> 00:05:02,260
Ahem.
127
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,429
So what's the, uh,
return policy
128
00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:06,890
on one of these bad boys?
What is it, like, 30 days?
129
00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:08,183
Why?
130
00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:09,476
You're not just gonna buy it
for the Super Bowl
131
00:05:09,517 --> 00:05:11,519
and then return it,
are you?
132
00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:15,023
Is that not encouraged?
133
00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:24,574
Carrie.
134
00:05:24,616 --> 00:05:26,034
Someone's been
parking in my spot,
135
00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:28,036
do you have any idea
who I talk to about that?
136
00:05:28,078 --> 00:05:29,329
Uh, did you leave a note?
137
00:05:29,371 --> 00:05:30,914
-No.
-Did you call the
parking office?
138
00:05:30,955 --> 00:05:32,290
[CHUCKLES] I'm going to level
with you,
139
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:33,917
when I asked,
"Who can I talk to about this",
140
00:05:33,958 --> 00:05:36,461
I really meant, "Who could you
talk to about this."
141
00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:40,799
Ahh... OK, I'll call right after
I make your raisin toast.
142
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:42,425
Thank you much.
143
00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:45,762
Hey, Car.
144
00:05:45,804 --> 00:05:47,722
Hi, baby!
145
00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:48,932
Ah, Mr. Pruzan,
146
00:05:48,973 --> 00:05:50,058
you remember
my husband Doug?
147
00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:51,434
-Sure, I do.
-Good to see ya.
148
00:05:51,476 --> 00:05:53,144
Yeah. Remember my joke
from last time, Doug?
149
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:54,813
My name's Doug,
and your name's Doug,
150
00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:57,399
-so in Spain, we'd be...
-Doug y Doug.
151
00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:58,900
-Like the actor.
-Yes.
152
00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:02,487
Ooh, hey, if were named Mark,
we'd be Mark y Mark.
153
00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:03,571
Not following you, Doug.
154
00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:05,281
Is that a person?
155
00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:08,243
No. No.
156
00:06:08,284 --> 00:06:09,911
So what are you
doing in the city?
157
00:06:09,953 --> 00:06:12,580
I was just over at the wiz
pricing those hi-def TVs.
158
00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:13,915
Let me ask you
something.
159
00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:17,752
How opposed are you
to dancing at night?
160
00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:19,713
Doug, why do you want
a hi-def TV?
161
00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:21,840
You have a great TV.
I bought you the best TV
162
00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:24,175
-they had.
-Yeah, in the nineties.
163
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:26,261
I tell you,
those hi-defs are amazing.
164
00:06:26,302 --> 00:06:28,054
They gave me one of those
when I made partner.
165
00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:29,889
-They did?
-Yeah. Beautiful picture,
166
00:06:29,931 --> 00:06:32,434
but it's still the idiot box.
Am I right?
167
00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:35,729
They gave him a TV.
168
00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:38,273
You know what they got me
when I got promoted?
169
00:06:38,314 --> 00:06:39,441
A cat mug.
170
00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:41,818
"Con-cat-ulations."
171
00:06:43,319 --> 00:06:44,446
He has hi-def.
172
00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:45,822
Yeah, so?
173
00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:48,283
So, you know, invite him
to my poker game tonight!
174
00:06:48,324 --> 00:06:49,451
Eww! No!
175
00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:50,744
Why would I do that?
176
00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:52,454
Hello! Brownie points
for you with your boss
177
00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:54,039
and maybe an invite
to watch the Super Bowl
178
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:57,000
-on hi-def for me!
-Doug, he is my boss, okay?
179
00:06:57,042 --> 00:06:58,835
I do not want him
in my home.
180
00:06:58,877 --> 00:07:00,128
That is my turf!
181
00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:01,796
Your turf?
Okay, when exactly
182
00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:05,050
did you
become Pinky Tuscadero?
183
00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:06,593
Okay, can I get back
to work now, please?
184
00:07:06,634 --> 00:07:10,138
I have a very serious parking
situation to deal with.
185
00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:11,848
No, Carrie. You obviously
don't understand
186
00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:12,891
what's going on here!
187
00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:16,269
I'm talking hi-def. Hi-def!
188
00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:17,145
Oh...
189
00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:19,314
yeah. That means
nothing to me.
190
00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:20,815
Let me try
to explain it to you.
191
00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:22,650
Look at me. Look at me!
Look at me!
192
00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:23,943
[SIGHS]
193
00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:25,612
-Are you looking?
-Yes, I am looking.
194
00:07:25,653 --> 00:07:27,781
Okay. Now if I were on hi-def,
195
00:07:27,822 --> 00:07:29,866
I'd be sharper and more lifelike
196
00:07:29,908 --> 00:07:32,452
than I am right now,
not to mention wider.
197
00:07:32,494 --> 00:07:34,204
Shut it.
198
00:07:34,245 --> 00:07:36,289
Carrie, I'm gonna need those
files when you get a chance,
199
00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:38,041
-if I'm not interrupting.
-Oh, no, no. No problem.
200
00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:40,543
No. We were just talking
about my poker game tonight
201
00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:43,171
that I need another guy for.
202
00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:44,506
Huh.
203
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,842
Well, I'm feelin'
a little wild here.
204
00:07:47,884 --> 00:07:49,511
Dealer bets 15 cents.
205
00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:50,553
-Whoa!
-Oh!
206
00:07:50,595 --> 00:07:52,847
You're scaring me.
Ooh!
207
00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:53,973
I'm out.
208
00:07:54,015 --> 00:07:55,183
It looks like
somebody's scared.
209
00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:57,852
Whoa. Don't get
The Hulk angry.
210
00:07:57,894 --> 00:08:00,271
You won't like him
when he's angry.
211
00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:04,067
Good one.
212
00:08:04,693 --> 00:08:05,860
Ha ha ha!
213
00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:07,362
Well...
214
00:08:07,404 --> 00:08:09,364
eh--I'm out.
Good luck, gentlemen.
215
00:08:09,406 --> 00:08:11,241
All right,
I'll take a ride.
216
00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:13,702
-As will I.
-And comin' around...
217
00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:15,078
Well, this is
great, huh?
218
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:18,581
Male bonding.
Just me and the guys.
219
00:08:18,623 --> 00:08:20,542
And my sister.
220
00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:22,961
We oughta do this
more often, right, Deac?
221
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:25,046
Huh? Oh, right. Um...
222
00:08:25,088 --> 00:08:26,339
but not next Sunday,
223
00:08:26,381 --> 00:08:29,050
'cause that's
the Super Bowl.
224
00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:31,761
That's right, it is.
Where are we, uh...
225
00:08:31,803 --> 00:08:33,346
where are we
watchin' that, anyway?
226
00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:35,181
I don't know.
I have to admit,
227
00:08:35,223 --> 00:08:38,018
it rather snuck up
on me this year.
228
00:08:42,397 --> 00:08:44,024
All I know is
something like that
229
00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:48,028
should be seen on a television
with definition that's...
230
00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:50,238
fairly high.
Am I right?
231
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:53,158
You're right. Can't argue
with someone who's right.
232
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:55,326
Ladies, wanna swap
recipes later?
233
00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:56,911
I'm trying to play
some cards here.
234
00:08:56,953 --> 00:08:59,039
Ooh! You're a feisty one,
aren't ya?
235
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:02,959
Yeah, I'm down $3.00,
and I'm PMSing big time.
236
00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:06,838
So, Lou, now that you've moved
into the neighborhood,
237
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,465
we should hit
the weights together.
238
00:09:08,506 --> 00:09:11,134
Um, I start really
early in the morning.
239
00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:12,135
Yeah, that's cool.
240
00:09:12,177 --> 00:09:14,304
See, here's where I'm at.
241
00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:17,557
I wanna work out...
242
00:09:17,599 --> 00:09:20,226
but I don't wanna
get pumpedpumped.
243
00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:23,063
I mean, all those big muscles
are gross.
244
00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:24,773
Uh...no offense.
245
00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:26,107
-Right.
-See,
246
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:27,317
I just wanna
get ripped.
247
00:09:27,359 --> 00:09:30,028
You know, I'd like
Mitch Gaylord's body.
248
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,613
I'll bet you would.
249
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:36,284
And the king
bets 40 cents.
250
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:37,118
Ooh!
251
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,328
Big man! Well,
252
00:09:38,370 --> 00:09:41,623
I'll call you,
and I'll raise you 50 cents.
253
00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:43,625
Mmm. I'm aroused.
254
00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:44,876
Ok, call.
255
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:45,794
3 kings.
256
00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:47,587
-Uh-oh!
-Oh!
257
00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:48,630
You know...
258
00:09:48,672 --> 00:09:49,714
all I've got is...
259
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:50,965
all hearts. Wait a minute.
260
00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:52,592
I do believe that's a flush!
261
00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:54,636
Ha ha!
262
00:09:54,678 --> 00:09:56,304
Nicely played.
263
00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:58,431
Nicely played.
Speaking of nicely played,
264
00:09:58,473 --> 00:09:59,766
you know what I hope
is nicely played?
265
00:09:59,808 --> 00:10:02,310
The Super Bowl!
266
00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:04,145
Who's with me, huh?
Show of hands.
267
00:10:04,187 --> 00:10:05,438
All right!
There ya go.
268
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,148
Doug, this Rheingold
went right through me.
269
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:09,484
-Where's the head?
-It's upstairs.
270
00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:11,027
Thanks.
271
00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:15,824
MAN [OVER TV]: You'rewatchingIntimate Portrait:
272
00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:17,826
Rue McClanahan.
273
00:10:17,867 --> 00:10:19,577
No, I'm not!
274
00:10:20,203 --> 00:10:21,413
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
275
00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:22,330
Yeah?
276
00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:25,291
-Hey, Carrie.
-Oh! Hi! Hi!
277
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:26,960
I was just on my way to
the little boys' room,
278
00:10:27,002 --> 00:10:29,004
thought I'd stop in
and say hey.
279
00:10:29,045 --> 00:10:30,672
Hey back atcha!
280
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,758
It's the first door on the left.
281
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:34,926
I can hold it.
282
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:36,386
I gotta tell ya,
Carrie,
283
00:10:36,428 --> 00:10:38,555
you guys have quite
a little nest here.
284
00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:40,306
Oh, thank you.
285
00:10:40,348 --> 00:10:41,725
So...
286
00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:43,935
what time tomorrow, 9:00?
287
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:45,353
Question for ya, Car.
288
00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:47,439
Is your sister-in-law
seeing anyone?
289
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,358
'cause I find her
delightful.
290
00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:53,820
-Stephanie?
-I sense a spark.
291
00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:55,321
-You and Stephanie?
-Yeah, yeah.
292
00:10:55,363 --> 00:10:56,865
I know I'm something
of a ladies' man
293
00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:58,366
around the office,
294
00:10:58,408 --> 00:11:00,702
but in a couple of years,
that's gonna stop being cute
295
00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:02,829
and start being pathetic.
296
00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:05,206
Stephanie's very different
from the women
297
00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:07,375
I usually date.
She's...
298
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:08,376
real.
299
00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:10,879
I'd like to try
something real.
300
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,172
Actually, you know what,
the thing is,
301
00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:13,631
she's actually not that real.
302
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,216
Ha ha! That's funny.
303
00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:17,510
Why don't you run it
past her and get back to me?
304
00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:19,971
-Ok.
-Great.
305
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:22,724
Ooh! Facts of life!
306
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,901
-Hi.
-What's your problem?
307
00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:34,569
Aw, Pruzan didn't bite.
308
00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:40,617
Now I gotta watch the Super Bowl
on my 55 inch piece of poop.
309
00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:43,995
And what's the story here?
We building a tower?
310
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:46,831
Just too sad to do dishes.
311
00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:50,752
Oh, my poor baby.
312
00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:53,546
Ow!
313
00:11:53,588 --> 00:11:55,090
You think
you had a bad night?
314
00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:56,466
-No.
-You wanna know
315
00:11:56,508 --> 00:11:58,927
what I did tonight?
I had a slumber party
316
00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:00,387
with Pruzan. Yeah.
317
00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:01,971
We talked
about relationships
318
00:12:02,013 --> 00:12:05,475
and then we watched
The Facts of Lifemarathon.
319
00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:08,186
You love The Facts of Life.
320
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:10,146
I told you. I told you
this would happen!
321
00:12:10,188 --> 00:12:12,524
-My turf!
-All right, well, I'm sorry.
322
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:13,608
All right. It's done. He's gone.
323
00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:16,111
Eech! He kept going on
and on,
324
00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:17,737
asking me questions
about Stephanie,
325
00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:19,447
you know, and meanwhile,
I'm sitting there
326
00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:22,409
in my pajamas with the hole
in the crotch!
327
00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:25,620
It was horrible!
328
00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:27,372
Wait a minute. What do you--
what do you mean
329
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:29,082
he was asking questions
about Stephanie?
330
00:12:29,124 --> 00:12:31,126
He wants to date her.
331
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:32,544
Oh--it's so gross.
332
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:35,505
I mean, it's like
having a pigeon in the house.
333
00:12:36,881 --> 00:12:37,882
Did you tell her yet?
334
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,426
No, I didn't tell her.
335
00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:41,469
What do you mean
you didn't tell her?
336
00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:44,264
I'm not telling her.
This dies with me.
337
00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:46,766
Carrie, what if they were meant
to be with each other?
338
00:12:46,808 --> 00:12:49,561
Yeah, what if god is using you
to bring them together?
339
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:51,479
If you don't, it's like you're
doing the opposite
340
00:12:51,521 --> 00:12:55,692
of what god wants, which pretty
much makes you the devil!
341
00:12:56,735 --> 00:12:58,445
The devil.
342
00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:01,614
Okay, if anyone is
the devil here, it's you.
343
00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:03,491
Yeah, it's me.
Yeah, right. Okay, right.
344
00:13:03,533 --> 00:13:05,660
The devil always goes around
trying to make love grow.
345
00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:07,203
Whatever.
346
00:13:07,245 --> 00:13:10,540
Doug, the only reason you wanna
set up Pruzan with your sister
347
00:13:10,582 --> 00:13:13,585
is so you can watch the Super
Bowl on hi-def,
348
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,086
and that's evil.
349
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:16,421
It's not my fault that doing
something nice for Stephanie
350
00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:17,839
may also work out well for me.
351
00:13:17,881 --> 00:13:21,509
I know that pains you what with
you being the devil.
352
00:13:21,551 --> 00:13:24,512
Doug, he is not right
for her. Trust me.
353
00:13:24,554 --> 00:13:26,514
He is totally weird, okay?
354
00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:28,433
She needs a nice,
normal guy,
355
00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:31,561
not a guy who
collects marionettes.
356
00:13:31,603 --> 00:13:33,104
Who's to say who
belongs with who?
357
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:34,773
I mean, look,
who'd put us together?
358
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:37,692
Look at us? I mean,
I could sit on you and kill you,
359
00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:39,861
yet we make it work.
360
00:13:39,903 --> 00:13:41,446
Okay, let it go.
361
00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:43,198
No, Carrie.
You don't understand.
362
00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:44,366
My sister's not like you.
363
00:13:44,407 --> 00:13:46,326
She doesn't have
a million guys after her.
364
00:13:46,368 --> 00:13:47,577
Right now, she only has one,
365
00:13:47,619 --> 00:13:50,246
and, thanks to you,
she'll never know that.
366
00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:51,706
Oh, my god. All right,
367
00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:53,375
so this is the way
it's gonna go, huh?
368
00:13:53,416 --> 00:13:55,877
You're willing to
make me feel like crap
369
00:13:55,919 --> 00:13:59,714
so you can watch the super
bowl on high-def?
370
00:13:59,756 --> 00:14:03,551
Hey, you push a dog
into a corner, she gonna bite.
371
00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:13,103
Okay, my last
Phys-Ed question:
372
00:14:13,144 --> 00:14:15,438
are the dodgeball
and the kickball
373
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,774
the same ball?
374
00:14:17,816 --> 00:14:19,234
You can use
the same ball, yeah,
375
00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:21,236
but you let a little air
out of the dodgeball.
376
00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:24,739
Wow! There's so much
for a gym teacher to know.
377
00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:25,990
Kudos to you.
378
00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:27,909
She also teaches
junior lifesaving.
379
00:14:27,951 --> 00:14:30,203
Tell him about the, uh, buddy
system. Go ahead. Tell him.
380
00:14:30,245 --> 00:14:31,496
-Now?
-Yeah.
381
00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:33,289
I was gonna use that
as my closer.
382
00:14:33,331 --> 00:14:34,874
Closer!
Ha ha ha!
383
00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:35,959
-That is funny!
-Whoa! We got
384
00:14:36,001 --> 00:14:38,795
a laughter here.
Look out.
385
00:14:38,837 --> 00:14:40,839
Can I open the goobers now?
I'm starving.
386
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,883
Excuse me. But you know
I save all my candy
387
00:14:43,925 --> 00:14:45,635
for the start
of the previews.
388
00:14:45,677 --> 00:14:48,054
Have we just met?
389
00:14:48,096 --> 00:14:49,806
Hey, you know who's
a big goober guy--
390
00:14:49,848 --> 00:14:51,641
Arnie Grant
in litigation.
391
00:14:51,683 --> 00:14:52,767
He loves 'em.
392
00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:55,645
Does he? What a kook.
393
00:14:55,687 --> 00:14:57,731
I'm talkin' about
the office again.
394
00:14:57,772 --> 00:14:59,107
Guess that's one
of the pitfalls
395
00:14:59,149 --> 00:15:01,526
of dating your assistant's
sister-in-law.
396
00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:03,236
"Assistant's
sister-in law."
397
00:15:03,278 --> 00:15:05,363
Hey, that's hard
to say.
398
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:06,573
That is hard to say.
399
00:15:06,614 --> 00:15:08,074
Assister's--
sister-in-law--
400
00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:11,077
I got it all messed up.
Ha ha ha!
401
00:15:11,119 --> 00:15:12,370
You try.
402
00:15:14,873 --> 00:15:17,500
Anyway, we're thinking
of having a Super Bowl party
403
00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:19,002
next Sunday.
404
00:15:19,044 --> 00:15:20,879
-You think you'd be into coming?
-Sure. That'd be great.
405
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,589
You know what,
don't get too excited,
406
00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:24,632
though, 'cause our TV
ain't so hot.
407
00:15:24,674 --> 00:15:26,051
The picture's kinda grainy.
408
00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:27,510
Then why don't you
and your friends just come over
409
00:15:27,552 --> 00:15:29,387
to my place
and watch the game?
410
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:31,056
Your place?
411
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:34,059
I guess that would work.
Okay, thanks.
412
00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:38,730
I'm gonna go get a soda.
413
00:15:42,025 --> 00:15:45,737
You know what? Get me an Icee
with an extra squirt of flavor!
414
00:15:45,779 --> 00:15:47,697
I don't think she heard you,
Doug. I'll go.
415
00:15:47,739 --> 00:15:48,948
Can I get you
something, too?
416
00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:51,326
You look like
a snowcap girl to me.
417
00:15:51,368 --> 00:15:52,535
Do I?
418
00:15:52,577 --> 00:15:54,996
Actually, I'm very allergic,
but thank you.
419
00:16:01,002 --> 00:16:02,879
* I think he likes you*
420
00:16:02,921 --> 00:16:06,716
Of course he likes me.
All freaks like me.
421
00:16:06,758 --> 00:16:07,926
You're a real piece
of work, you know that?
422
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,386
You manage to
find something wrong with
423
00:16:09,427 --> 00:16:10,845
every guy you go out with.
424
00:16:10,887 --> 00:16:13,640
Jonathan had no friends.
Gil wasn't tall enough.
425
00:16:13,682 --> 00:16:15,725
Tony was too into his cats.
426
00:16:15,767 --> 00:16:18,436
He blow-dried them
every morning.
427
00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:20,939
Look, Steph...
428
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,858
there's no such thing
as the perfect guy.
429
00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:26,319
The best you can do
is look for someone who's nice
430
00:16:26,361 --> 00:16:27,570
and cares about you.
431
00:16:27,612 --> 00:16:28,780
But you're
never gonna find that
432
00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:31,491
because you don't
give people a chance.
433
00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:32,867
Yeah, I guess.
434
00:16:32,909 --> 00:16:34,327
Just go out with him
for a little bit,
435
00:16:34,369 --> 00:16:36,371
see how it feels.
436
00:16:36,413 --> 00:16:37,664
Fine. Fine.
437
00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:39,916
How long do you think
I should give it?
438
00:16:39,958 --> 00:16:43,920
Well, if you insist
on putting a clock on love,
439
00:16:43,962 --> 00:16:47,757
just give it
till the last Sunday in January.
440
00:16:47,799 --> 00:16:50,301
That seems like
a good cutoff point.
441
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,892
MAN [OVER TV]: Welcometo the following presentation
442
00:16:57,934 --> 00:17:00,770
of the National Football Leaguefrom CBS Sports...
443
00:17:00,812 --> 00:17:02,897
I gotta hand it
to you, man.
444
00:17:02,939 --> 00:17:05,442
You wanted a high-def
Super Bowl, and...
445
00:17:05,483 --> 00:17:09,320
well, god bless you, you
didn't stop till you got it.
446
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:11,281
Thanks, guy.
447
00:17:11,322 --> 00:17:12,449
I gotta tell ya,
these last couple of days
448
00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:13,825
have been a blur.
449
00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:15,994
I'm not even sure
I went to work.
450
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:17,787
Look at this, man!
451
00:17:17,829 --> 00:17:19,622
The pregame show
has never been so real.
452
00:17:19,664 --> 00:17:24,294
It's like Ditka
is pissed at me.
453
00:17:24,336 --> 00:17:25,837
You know what's really fun?
If you close your eyes
454
00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:27,756
and then open them,
it's like you're seeing it
455
00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:30,008
for the very first time.
456
00:17:35,638 --> 00:17:37,474
And that's
the whole tour.
457
00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:39,059
It's very nice, Doug.
458
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:42,479
I don't think I've ever seen
so many marionettes before.
459
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,856
Well, they're my family.
460
00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:48,818
I'm gonna go see what Carrie's
up to in the kitchen.
461
00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:51,446
Great. I'll be here
hangin' with the guys.
462
00:17:53,782 --> 00:17:55,033
Hey, watcha doin' there?
463
00:17:55,075 --> 00:17:56,743
Oh, making icing seams
464
00:17:56,785 --> 00:17:59,162
on these little
football brownies.
465
00:17:59,204 --> 00:18:01,956
As soon as I finish,
please kill me.
466
00:18:02,707 --> 00:18:03,917
-You want some help?
-Yeah.
467
00:18:03,958 --> 00:18:05,585
Grab one of
those squeezy tubes.
468
00:18:05,627 --> 00:18:06,878
Ok.
469
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:08,963
So what is this,
like your, uh...
470
00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:11,508
third or fourth date
with Pruzan?
471
00:18:11,549 --> 00:18:13,009
Yup.
472
00:18:13,051 --> 00:18:15,595
So I guess you
really like him, huh?
473
00:18:15,637 --> 00:18:17,305
Oh, he's a really nice guy,
474
00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:20,141
and I'm really getting to
like him a lot.
475
00:18:21,226 --> 00:18:22,519
[GUHH]
476
00:18:23,561 --> 00:18:24,854
What was that?
477
00:18:24,896 --> 00:18:26,606
-What?
-Just sounded like you
478
00:18:26,648 --> 00:18:28,358
were gonna throw up.
479
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:29,734
Me? No, no. No.
480
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:31,569
Ok.
481
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:32,696
-[GUHH]
-Okay, Steph,
482
00:18:32,737 --> 00:18:34,072
I'm gonna
have to ask you
483
00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:36,658
to take a step away
from the brownies now.
484
00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:38,201
Carrie,
I can't do this.
485
00:18:38,243 --> 00:18:39,703
I can't do this anymore.
486
00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:40,704
You can't do what? What?
487
00:18:40,745 --> 00:18:42,080
Go out with freako.
488
00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:44,207
He's the weirdest guy
I've ever met.
489
00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:47,502
He has marionettes
sitting on chairs.
490
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,714
Yes! Yes! He is a freak.
491
00:18:50,755 --> 00:18:52,215
I knew you couldn't like him.
I knew it!
492
00:18:52,257 --> 00:18:55,593
What?! Then why did you
set me up with him?
493
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:56,928
Doug made me.
494
00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:58,430
Why did you keep
goin' out with him?
495
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,265
Doug made me!
496
00:19:01,433 --> 00:19:03,727
He isthe devil.
497
00:19:03,768 --> 00:19:07,022
MAN [OVER TV]: And thoseare your starting lineups.
498
00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:08,940
Doug, I really need
to talk to you.
499
00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:11,234
Doug, she needs
to talk to you.
500
00:19:11,276 --> 00:19:13,486
-[MMEEEOOWWW]
-Shut up, Spence.
501
00:19:13,528 --> 00:19:14,946
Right-o.
502
00:19:14,988 --> 00:19:16,239
Hey, tell you
what, Steph.
503
00:19:16,281 --> 00:19:19,325
Halftime, after Britney Spears,
I'm all yours.
504
00:19:19,367 --> 00:19:20,910
Come on, Steph.
Why don't you take a seat
505
00:19:20,952 --> 00:19:22,370
-right here on my lap?
-No.
506
00:19:22,412 --> 00:19:24,122
I really need to talk
to my brother right now.
507
00:19:24,164 --> 00:19:25,373
-Alright?
-Come on, Steph.
508
00:19:25,415 --> 00:19:27,709
Come and sit on pappy's lappy.
509
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,920
I don't want to
sit on pappy's lappy.
510
00:19:30,962 --> 00:19:35,425
Sure you do. It's smooth
like a Western saddle.
511
00:19:35,467 --> 00:19:36,926
I don't want to
sit on your lap.
512
00:19:36,968 --> 00:19:38,386
I don't even want to
go out with you!
513
00:19:38,428 --> 00:19:41,639
I just did it 'cause
my dumb-ass brother made me!
514
00:19:48,271 --> 00:19:50,357
I have a lot
more girls for you.
515
00:19:50,398 --> 00:19:52,609
Gwen? Gwen from accounting?
Everyone's had her.
516
00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:54,986
I'm gonna hook that up.
I'm gonna hook that up.
517
00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:56,112
I'm just--I'm just gonna
put this here.
518
00:19:56,154 --> 00:19:57,572
You guys
can nosh on that.
519
00:19:57,614 --> 00:20:00,575
You make peace with your god.
You die tonight.
520
00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:09,167
All right.
521
00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:12,003
Well, we got the skirts
outta here.
522
00:20:12,045 --> 00:20:14,422
Now we can watch the game
without a lot of,
523
00:20:17,008 --> 00:20:19,636
without a lot of yap-yap.
All right.
524
00:20:19,678 --> 00:20:23,807
MAN [OVER TV]: CBS Sportspresents Super Bowl XXXV...
525
00:20:23,848 --> 00:20:26,601
I'm such a fool.
526
00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:28,186
Way to go, Pruzan.
527
00:20:28,228 --> 00:20:32,190
You lost her because you
moved too damn fast.
528
00:20:32,232 --> 00:20:35,318
Stupid, stupid, stupid,
stupid, stupid.
529
00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:40,115
[CHANGES CHANNEL
TO FIDDLER ON THE ROOF]
530
00:20:42,826 --> 00:20:44,786
W-what happened?
531
00:20:44,828 --> 00:20:46,162
He switched the channel
to AMC.
532
00:20:46,204 --> 00:20:47,539
Well, change it back, man.
533
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:50,041
I can't. He cracked the remote.
It's not changing.
534
00:20:50,083 --> 00:20:51,418
Well, change it on the TV!
535
00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:53,336
-I don't see any button.
-It's smooth.
536
00:20:53,378 --> 00:20:55,505
Well, maybe there's
a panel that pops up.
537
00:20:55,547 --> 00:20:56,548
No, man.
538
00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:58,299
A lot of these are
voice-activated.
539
00:20:58,341 --> 00:21:00,885
Channel, change!
Channel, change!
540
00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:02,846
-Channel 2.
-Super Bowl.
541
00:21:02,887 --> 00:21:03,972
Welcome home.
542
00:21:04,014 --> 00:21:05,807
Super Bowl.
543
00:21:05,849 --> 00:21:08,059
Maybe it detects
motion, man.
544
00:21:10,228 --> 00:21:14,357
For the love of god,
football now!
545
00:21:16,735 --> 00:21:18,987
MAN [OVER RADIO]:
Whoa! A one-handed catch!
546
00:21:19,029 --> 00:21:21,156
He's at the 20.He's at the 10.
547
00:21:21,197 --> 00:21:23,533
Touchdown! Oh, my!
548
00:21:23,575 --> 00:21:28,204
Now that's one you haveto actually see to believe!
549
00:21:28,246 --> 00:21:34,544
[CHANGES STATION
TO SPANISH MUSIC]
550
00:21:38,798 --> 00:21:44,554
SINGER: * Is this the littleI girl Carried?*
551
00:21:44,596 --> 00:21:48,725
* Is this the little boyat play?*
552
00:21:50,977 --> 00:21:57,817
SINGER: * I don't remembergrowing older*
553
00:21:57,859 --> 00:22:03,907
* When did they?*
554
00:22:03,948 --> 00:22:07,285
SINGER: * When didshe get to be...*
555
00:22:07,327 --> 00:22:10,663
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
39988
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