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1
00:00:02,711 --> 00:00:04,212
* My eyesare gettin' weary *
2
00:00:04,254 --> 00:00:07,215
* My back is gettin' tight *
3
00:00:07,257 --> 00:00:09,050
* I'm sittin' herein traffic *
4
00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:11,720
* On the Queensboro Bridgetonight *
5
00:00:11,761 --> 00:00:17,684
* But I don't care,'cause all I want to do *
6
00:00:17,726 --> 00:00:21,521
* Is cash my check and driveright home to you *
7
00:00:23,189 --> 00:00:25,066
* 'Cause, baby,all my life *
8
00:00:25,108 --> 00:00:28,570
* I will be drivin' hometo you *
9
00:00:38,246 --> 00:00:39,205
Check it out.
10
00:00:39,247 --> 00:00:42,375
Whips and Chains.
11
00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:45,628
What's the matter?
My back rub's not doing it
for you anymore?
12
00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:48,256
Page 24.
13
00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,886
Oh, my God!
14
00:00:52,927 --> 00:00:55,347
What is he
doing to him?
15
00:00:56,097 --> 00:00:57,640
Oh, I'm sorry, 42.
16
00:00:58,975 --> 00:01:01,019
Yeah, but what is
he doing to him?
17
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,187
Come on! 42! Page 42.
18
00:01:02,228 --> 00:01:04,314
OK, all right.
Come on...
19
00:01:04,356 --> 00:01:06,191
There it is.
Look right there.
20
00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:07,776
"Ebony God seeks
21
00:01:07,817 --> 00:01:12,155
dominant professional
type for late-night
spank sessions."
22
00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:14,324
"Full dungeon."
23
00:01:16,117 --> 00:01:18,203
Where are we at
here, Doug?
24
00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:20,413
The phone number.
Look. It's Deacon's
phone number.
25
00:01:20,455 --> 00:01:22,082
I put the ad in there
to get back at him.
26
00:01:22,123 --> 00:01:25,418
Are you two still
having that stupid
practical joke war?
27
00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:27,379
You bet your
sweet bananas we are.
28
00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:29,756
How great is this?
He's probably getting
calls from S&M freaks...
29
00:01:29,798 --> 00:01:32,467
oh...right about now.
30
00:01:33,385 --> 00:01:36,012
Doug, the man
has children.
31
00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:37,681
And he should have
thought of that
32
00:01:37,722 --> 00:01:40,642
before he put a sign
on my back that said
"I love butter."
33
00:01:41,685 --> 00:01:43,728
Actually, it said
"I heart butter,"
34
00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:45,730
but that's what it meant.
35
00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:47,607
But you do heart butter.
36
00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:50,735
That's my business,
not the whole world's, OK?
37
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:51,611
Morning, all.
38
00:01:51,653 --> 00:01:53,196
Morning.
Hey.
39
00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:55,365
Whips and Chains.
40
00:01:55,407 --> 00:01:57,909
Good for you, kids.
41
00:01:59,994 --> 00:02:02,622
Just be safe.
42
00:02:02,664 --> 00:02:04,791
Good-bye.
Bye.
43
00:02:04,833 --> 00:02:08,294
Darling, I have a legal matter
I need your assistance with.
44
00:02:08,336 --> 00:02:09,629
What are you
talking about?
45
00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:11,506
I was down
on the boardwalk
last night,
46
00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:14,801
and I paid a fellow
$12 to draw my portrait.
47
00:02:14,843 --> 00:02:16,970
Look at this.
Look!
48
00:02:17,012 --> 00:02:20,265
Heh. That's funny.
49
00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:22,058
It's not funny.
It's humiliating.
50
00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:25,645
People were gathered around
laughing, having a great time
at my expense.
51
00:02:25,687 --> 00:02:28,481
All right, so what do
you want to do? You want
to sue the artist?
52
00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:32,527
Well, I estimate
I endured $1 million worth
of pain and suffering.
53
00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:36,531
Between you and me,
I'd settle out of court
for 8 grand.
54
00:02:37,532 --> 00:02:39,367
Well, good luck
with that.
55
00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:40,618
So, you're not
gonna help me?
56
00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:42,287
Dad, how am I supposed
to help you?
57
00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:44,539
I'm not a lawyer,
and I think
the picture's hilarious.
58
00:02:44,581 --> 00:02:47,125
Oh, so that how
it's going to be.
59
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,502
Well, thank you
very little!
60
00:02:49,544 --> 00:02:51,671
Uh...excuse me, but what
do you think I do there?
61
00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:54,466
I'm a secretary.
The lawyers handle the law.
62
00:02:54,507 --> 00:02:56,926
I type and make sure
they're not thirsty.
63
00:02:56,968 --> 00:03:02,265
Would it kill you
to show them this picture
as you hand them a Snapple?
64
00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:05,393
Dad...would you stop it?
I mean, for God's sakes,
65
00:03:05,435 --> 00:03:08,438
you've never expressed any
interest in my job until now,
66
00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:10,398
when you need something.
That's not true!
67
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:13,234
Oh, really?
Have you ever once
come down to visit me?
68
00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:15,153
Do you have any idea
what I actually do there?
69
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:17,530
How I actually spend my day?
No, you don't.
70
00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:19,199
Well, you have no idea
how I spend my day.
71
00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:22,535
You sit around
in your underwear, and you
make crank phone calls.
72
00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:26,956
Those were inquiries!
73
00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:32,712
Hey, Carrie...
Hmm?
74
00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:34,255
Can you tell
if this milk is good?
75
00:03:34,297 --> 00:03:35,382
[SNIFFS]
76
00:03:35,423 --> 00:03:37,342
What's the date on it?
Yesterday.
77
00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:38,426
I don't know.
Who's it for?
78
00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:40,428
Delpozzo.
It's fine.
79
00:03:43,014 --> 00:03:44,391
Here she is,
Mr. Spooner.
80
00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:46,851
Well, thank you,
young man.
81
00:03:50,438 --> 00:03:52,524
Dad, what are
you doing here?
82
00:03:52,565 --> 00:03:54,901
Does this have anything to do
with that stupid caricature?
83
00:03:54,943 --> 00:03:57,112
No, no. I was
just reflecting on
your comments earlier,
84
00:03:57,153 --> 00:03:58,697
and I realized
you were right.
85
00:03:58,738 --> 00:04:01,324
I should take
a more active interest
in your life.
86
00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:02,617
So, here I am.
87
00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:05,578
Really?
Absolutely.
88
00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:09,874
Dad, that's...
That's so sweet.
Thank you.
89
00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:13,044
Well, instead of
thanking me, how about
giving me a grand tour?
90
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:16,840
OK, well, I don't know
how grand it is,
but here goes!
91
00:04:16,881 --> 00:04:17,674
Wow me.
92
00:04:17,716 --> 00:04:20,135
OK, um...
All right, well...
93
00:04:20,176 --> 00:04:22,512
this whole area here
is where we keep files
94
00:04:22,554 --> 00:04:24,222
relating
to our pending cases.
95
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,975
Uh-huh, and you file
them alphabetically or...
96
00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:28,226
Alphabetically, yes.
97
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:30,687
That's a marvelous
sorting system.
98
00:04:30,729 --> 00:04:33,606
And, uh, this is
the coffee area.
99
00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:35,525
This is where
I get my boss,
you guessed it, coffee.
100
00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:38,069
Tell me, do you use
a percolator?
101
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,071
Drip.
Drip.
102
00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:41,823
Fancy!
103
00:04:41,865 --> 00:04:45,702
And then we're back
at my desk, and that's
basically the tour.
104
00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:48,705
Well, thank you for that
behind-the-scenes peek.
105
00:04:48,747 --> 00:04:50,582
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
Oh, that's my phone.
106
00:04:50,623 --> 00:04:51,750
I have to get that.
107
00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:53,835
Good. Now I get
to see you in action.
108
00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:56,296
Mr. Grossman's office.
109
00:04:56,338 --> 00:04:59,424
Oh, he's at lunch.
May I take a message?
110
00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:01,634
You're good.
111
00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:10,643
Take the ad out, now.
112
00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:13,480
Ad? I don't have any
time to place any ads.
113
00:05:13,521 --> 00:05:16,191
I'm too busy
hearting butter.
114
00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:17,650
Just cancel it, OK?
115
00:05:17,692 --> 00:05:21,029
There they are...
Butch Cassidy and
the dumb-ass kid.
116
00:05:22,530 --> 00:05:24,616
Hey, Spero.
How's it going, man?
117
00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:27,285
Oh, terrible. My deliveries
are spread all over town.
118
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:28,495
Kind of like your mother,
Heffernan.
119
00:05:28,536 --> 00:05:31,456
You know, guy,
enough.
120
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:34,167
Listen, Rico just
pulled out of the calendar.
121
00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:36,002
Now we're gonna need
a new Mr. April.
122
00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:37,629
What calendar?
123
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:39,214
The Men of IPS
Calendar.
124
00:05:39,255 --> 00:05:42,342
You know, to raise money
for some juvenile
something-or-other.
125
00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:44,886
You know.
What do you say,
guys, huh?
126
00:05:44,928 --> 00:05:46,763
Well, I'm assuming you
want to sell a couple
of these things,
127
00:05:46,805 --> 00:05:48,723
so that let's him out.
Sure. I'll do it.
128
00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:50,517
Whoa, whoa,
what the hell's that
supposed to mean?
129
00:05:50,558 --> 00:05:53,061
It's supposed to mean
that ebony god is probably
a better choice
130
00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:54,771
than pasty doughboy.
131
00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:57,482
So that's how
it's gonna be, huh?
132
00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:58,525
You know what?
I'll do the calendar.
133
00:05:58,566 --> 00:05:59,651
Yeah, well, I want to do it.
134
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,027
Whoa, whoa, if you're
both interested,
135
00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:02,987
I'm going to have to let
the guys upstairs decide.
136
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:05,865
They're gonna need snapshots,
and you gotta fill out
this bio stuff.
137
00:06:05,907 --> 00:06:07,200
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
138
00:06:07,242 --> 00:06:08,868
All right,
whoever gets it should know
139
00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:13,665
the shoots gonna be here
Friday night after work.
I'm doing it.
140
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:16,459
Well, let the games
begin, Mr. Palmer.
141
00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:17,711
That's Mr. April to you.
142
00:06:17,752 --> 00:06:19,212
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm Mr. April.
143
00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:23,925
You're Mr. March-
Your-Cocoa-Buns-
Out-of-Here, yeah.
144
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,928
Yeah. What's up?
What's up?
145
00:06:33,143 --> 00:06:36,438
I hate it when
they get stuck.
[LAUGHS]
146
00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:39,024
Well, thanks for lunch, Dad.
That was really nice.
147
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:41,818
Yeah, those Chinese
make a delightful bowl
of rice.
148
00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:44,738
Actually, it was Benihana.
It's Japanese.
149
00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:46,698
6 of 1.
150
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:51,453
Well, I'm off.
Got a boatload of things
to put in my diary.
151
00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:54,164
All right. Well, thanks
for coming, Dad.
That was great.
152
00:06:54,205 --> 00:06:58,126
Pleasure was all mine.
Enjoy the rest
of your day.
153
00:06:58,168 --> 00:06:59,336
OK.
154
00:07:00,712 --> 00:07:02,964
Give that gal
a promotion!
155
00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:08,511
Your dad seems to be
an OK fella.
156
00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:09,971
He is. Thanks.
157
00:07:10,013 --> 00:07:12,974
Treasure him, Carrie.
Do you know,
158
00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:16,061
sometimes we hear
what our elder
statespeople say,
159
00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:17,604
but we don't listen.
160
00:07:17,645 --> 00:07:19,939
Uh...what's the difference?
161
00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:23,360
Well, to hear
is just to hear,
but to listen, that's...
162
00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:25,987
hearing and then some.
163
00:07:27,197 --> 00:07:28,656
Got it.
164
00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:30,325
By the way,
I wanted to mention
if he's interested,
165
00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:32,660
we've started
a senior jobs program
here. You know,
166
00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:37,415
something to give
the old people a sense
of dignity and purpose.
167
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,209
Pays 3.50 an hour.
168
00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:44,005
So, wh-what are you saying?
You want my dad to work here?
169
00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:46,341
Every day?
If he's interested.
170
00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:50,345
Oh, that's awfully nice,
but no...I don't...no.
171
00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:51,596
You sure?
172
00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:53,890
Y-y-yeah, he wouldn't
be interested. N-no, yeah.
173
00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:54,891
Well, it's out there.
174
00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:56,434
OK.
OK.
175
00:08:06,945 --> 00:08:09,114
What ya got going
there, Fonzie?
176
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:14,077
Ah, there's this IPS
Calendar for charity.
177
00:08:14,119 --> 00:08:16,496
Deacon and I are both
going for the last spot.
178
00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:19,290
Doug, uh, can I bounce
something off you?
179
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,042
Yeah, you know what?
Take my picture first,
though.
180
00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:22,002
I just--I need it
for a, uh--
181
00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:23,336
There you go.
Whoa!
182
00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:26,214
What the hell!
You got, like,
half my face!
183
00:08:26,256 --> 00:08:28,133
Well, honey,
I need to talk to you
about something.
184
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:29,592
All right, but I need
a good picture.
185
00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:30,969
All right.
Well, stand over there.
The light's better.
186
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:32,387
Over there.
Over there.
187
00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:34,097
OK, but don't
take it yet.
I'm not ready yet.
188
00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:37,017
Let me get set here.
So, what's the problem?
189
00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:41,146
All right. So, there's
this part-time job
available at my office,
190
00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:43,690
and Mr. Pruzan said
my dad could have it
if he wanted it.
191
00:08:43,732 --> 00:08:44,899
Are you ready yet?
Yeah, yeah.
192
00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:46,192
OK.
Wait!
193
00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:48,445
W-wait!
What's my best look?
194
00:08:48,486 --> 00:08:50,405
Should I smile?
195
00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:52,824
Or pout, like this...
196
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:58,288
All right, well,
if those are my choices,
I reluctantly take pout.
197
00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:02,959
I said pout,
not constipated.
198
00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:06,921
All right, so what do you
think I should do?
199
00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:09,132
Do you think I should
let dad work at my office?
200
00:09:09,174 --> 00:09:10,091
No!
201
00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:12,093
[SEDUCTIVELY]
No...
202
00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:16,639
I did say no, but I feel
terrible about it.
203
00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:18,892
I mean, he has nothing else
going on in his life.
204
00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:20,935
I mean, nothing.
Sure he does.
205
00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:22,979
He gets that magazine
now, right?
206
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:26,608
He'd love to work there,
too. I mean, you should
have seen him today.
207
00:09:26,649 --> 00:09:28,943
He had this
little peppy bounce
in his step,
208
00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:32,155
like--like after he
takes his blue pills.
209
00:09:32,947 --> 00:09:33,948
So then let him work there.
210
00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:35,367
I can't!
Because every second
211
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:37,660
I'll be worried
if he's going
to say something
212
00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:39,120
or do something
to embarrass me.
213
00:09:39,162 --> 00:09:41,790
You know he tipped
one of the partners
today...
214
00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:44,000
and not a lot.
215
00:09:44,668 --> 00:09:45,877
OK, and it's just about up,
216
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:48,588
and here we come,
comin' into focus now.
217
00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:50,757
And...
218
00:09:50,799 --> 00:09:51,841
wow.
219
00:09:51,883 --> 00:09:53,677
Time to cram some fake crap
220
00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:55,345
into my bio.
221
00:09:55,387 --> 00:09:57,472
I can't let him work there.
You know why?
222
00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:59,808
Because if he works there,
then I'll go crazy.
223
00:09:59,849 --> 00:10:02,018
If I go crazy,
then they fire me.
224
00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:03,895
If they fire me,
we lose the house
225
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,313
and he has to live in a crate.
226
00:10:05,355 --> 00:10:06,564
So really,
227
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,775
I'm doing this for him.
228
00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:11,069
Right?
229
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:16,032
Okay, good.
230
00:10:21,913 --> 00:10:23,665
Morning, Dad.
231
00:10:23,707 --> 00:10:24,874
Morning, cupcake.
232
00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:26,876
See, you're busy,
that's great.
233
00:10:26,918 --> 00:10:28,211
It's great to be busy,
isn't it?
234
00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:30,255
You're a busy,
busy little bee, huh?
235
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:33,925
Heh. Well, I am
just gonna head out to work,
236
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,177
and let you get back
to your reading.
237
00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:38,888
What are you reading,
an instruction book?
238
00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:41,683
Yeah.
For the electric knife.
239
00:10:41,725 --> 00:10:44,019
Do we have an electric knife?
I didn't see one,
240
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:46,354
but if it ever turns up,
I'll be ready.
241
00:10:47,230 --> 00:10:48,898
Great. Great.
242
00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:50,316
Now, where are my glasses?
243
00:10:50,358 --> 00:10:54,070
The print on this
warranty card is so tiny.
244
00:10:55,030 --> 00:10:57,949
Here you go.
Oh, thank you, darling.
245
00:10:57,991 --> 00:10:59,993
You're a good daughter.
246
00:11:00,035 --> 00:11:01,578
Please, it's...
247
00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:02,704
Well, okay.
248
00:11:02,746 --> 00:11:04,289
Bye-bye.
249
00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:07,584
Have a good day at work.
Okay.
250
00:11:11,755 --> 00:11:13,298
Dad...
251
00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:16,343
...get your coat.
252
00:11:18,553 --> 00:11:20,764
ARTHUR:
* Oh, ba boppity beep beep *
253
00:11:20,805 --> 00:11:26,061
* Boppity boo boo
be ba ba ba ba baaaah *
254
00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:30,106
Here you go, young lady.
Your mail, and what's this
in your ear?
255
00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:33,985
A mint, for you!
256
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:36,821
Uh, OK, thank you.
You're very welcome.
257
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:38,990
Oh, hello, miss.
258
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:42,243
I'm sorry,
I forget the name.
259
00:11:42,285 --> 00:11:43,244
What do you got there, Dad?
260
00:11:43,286 --> 00:11:44,579
You got some mints?
261
00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:46,831
I'm giving them out
to everyone with the mail.
262
00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:48,124
It's an ice breaker.
263
00:11:48,166 --> 00:11:50,210
You start off
by talking about the mints,
264
00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:51,586
the next thing you know,
you're pals.
265
00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:53,797
I learned that
on an airplane
266
00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:56,341
sitting next
to a Mr. Gil Gerard.
267
00:11:57,967 --> 00:12:01,846
I guess I just wish you weren't
reaching into people's ears.
268
00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:04,599
Darling, you are so cute.
269
00:12:04,641 --> 00:12:06,184
It's not really
in their ear.
270
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,436
I palm it.
271
00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:12,899
Even so.
272
00:12:12,941 --> 00:12:14,943
Pardon me,
my duties await.
273
00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:17,862
Hey, Eddie,
got an airmail for ya.
274
00:12:28,957 --> 00:12:30,458
Hey, buddy.
275
00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:32,794
Hey, it's
Doug Half-a-man.
276
00:12:34,629 --> 00:12:38,258
Half-a-man instead of
Heffernan. That's funny.
I like that. That's good.
277
00:12:39,551 --> 00:12:40,844
Hey, what you got there,
peanut butter?
278
00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:42,137
Yep.
279
00:12:42,178 --> 00:12:43,555
I like peanut butter.
It spreads nice and easy.
280
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:46,266
Speaking of which,
my mother says hi.
281
00:12:48,059 --> 00:12:49,602
What do you want?
282
00:12:49,644 --> 00:12:51,813
Actually, you know what?
It's about the calendar.
283
00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:54,733
I just thought that, you
know, if you could put
in a good word for me
284
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:57,235
with the PR guys,
and while you were
doing that,
285
00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:58,987
I could load your truck
or do your rounds.
286
00:12:59,029 --> 00:13:01,239
Doug, save your breath.
You're in.
287
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,491
Really? I got it?
Yeah, I don't know
288
00:13:03,533 --> 00:13:04,993
what the guys up there
are sniffing,
289
00:13:05,035 --> 00:13:06,995
but it's all you there,
Lumpy.
290
00:13:07,037 --> 00:13:09,164
All right, thanks.
291
00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:10,707
Hey, Spero, I forgot.
292
00:13:10,749 --> 00:13:13,126
Who did you say
they were picking
for the calendar?
293
00:13:13,168 --> 00:13:14,169
You the man.
294
00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:15,170
What?!
295
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:16,796
I'm the man.
296
00:13:16,838 --> 00:13:19,966
Now, I'm confused, see.
So you're saying
that Mr. Palmer here...
297
00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:22,761
not the man.
That's right.
298
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:24,596
Well, I can't believe it.
What the hell are
they thinking upstairs?
299
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,181
It wasn't what they were
thinking, I don't think,
300
00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:28,266
so much as what
they were feeling.
You know what I'm saying?
301
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:31,895
'Cause sexy is sexy!
302
00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:34,522
You drive safe, now.
303
00:13:42,364 --> 00:13:44,741
Carrie? Have you seen
your father?
304
00:13:44,783 --> 00:13:46,326
I've got a bunch
of outgoing mail.
305
00:13:46,368 --> 00:13:47,619
Oh, you're looking
for Arthur?
306
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,037
He just went into
the conference room.
307
00:13:49,079 --> 00:13:51,164
Now? But...I thought
the partners
were in there
308
00:13:51,206 --> 00:13:54,084
meeting with
those congressmen from
the Finance Committee.
309
00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:57,712
All I know is Arthur
just walked in there
with a big bag of mints.
310
00:14:03,927 --> 00:14:07,597
All right.
You're dreaming, Carrie.
Just wake up!
311
00:14:07,639 --> 00:14:11,351
Wake up!
Wakey, wakey!
OK...
312
00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:14,813
Crap!
313
00:14:15,730 --> 00:14:17,232
And then another time--
314
00:14:17,273 --> 00:14:18,817
Ah, excuse me.
Hi, Dad.
315
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:21,861
Listen, uh, people
are out there asking
for their mints.
316
00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:23,530
Sweetheart, I was
in the middle--
317
00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:25,740
Yeah, he gets a little
confused sometimes.
Come on, buddy.
318
00:14:25,782 --> 00:14:27,617
Let's not bother these
nice people anymore.
319
00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:31,162
He's not bothering us.
We just asked him to
recommend a good deli.
320
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,876
Oh...OK, good.
321
00:14:36,918 --> 00:14:39,129
You've got the right guy
here, I'll tell ya.
322
00:14:39,170 --> 00:14:41,589
You know what we call
him: the Deli Lama.
That's him, OK.
323
00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:45,844
All right...
Oh--Oh. You don't--
Yeah, OK, good. Bye...
324
00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:51,766
Darling, I'm going now.
325
00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:55,311
Going? I thought
you worked until 4:00.
326
00:14:55,353 --> 00:14:57,605
Actually, I was let go.
327
00:14:57,647 --> 00:15:00,483
What? They fired you?
328
00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:03,653
Apparently
there wasn't room
in the budget for me.
329
00:15:03,695 --> 00:15:07,157
Dad, that's absurd.
They pay you less
than minimum wage.
330
00:15:07,198 --> 00:15:11,536
Excuse me.
Uh, Mr. Pruzan, why did
you guys fire my dad?
331
00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:12,912
We didn't.
He quit.
332
00:15:12,954 --> 00:15:15,331
Oh, you must
be mixed up.
I was let go.
333
00:15:15,373 --> 00:15:17,208
Sir, you just came up to me
and said, "I quit."
334
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:20,754
It was merely
to save face
after I was fired.
335
00:15:20,795 --> 00:15:22,297
Who fired you?
336
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,759
Why, Boss Terwilliger.
337
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:28,636
Dad, what are you
talking about?
338
00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:31,014
Look, I was fired, OK?
Fired.
339
00:15:31,056 --> 00:15:34,225
And that's all I have
to say on the subject.
340
00:15:36,144 --> 00:15:38,229
There is
no Boss Terwilliger.
341
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:40,065
I know.
OK.
342
00:15:42,192 --> 00:15:45,987
Doug, come on.
I'm growing
a beard here.
343
00:15:46,738 --> 00:15:49,032
There he is.
Very nice.
344
00:15:49,074 --> 00:15:51,326
I don't know.
You don't think
it looks too stupid?
345
00:15:51,368 --> 00:15:54,871
It's for a charity.
Every month
has a gimmick.
346
00:15:54,913 --> 00:15:56,539
You're
the April-Showers Guy.
347
00:15:56,581 --> 00:15:59,042
Just be happy you're
not Baby New Year.
348
00:15:59,084 --> 00:16:01,044
Yeah, I guess
I caught a break there.
349
00:16:01,086 --> 00:16:02,837
All right.
Nice and loose here.
Nice and loose.
350
00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:05,215
Ready to work?
OK, you're thinking,
351
00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:08,718
"Boy, I've got
a special delivery for you!"
352
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,929
That's it! Right.
Give me that precious look.
353
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:13,098
Work the dolly.
Work the dolly.
354
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:15,684
Work the umbrella.
Come on, work the umbrella.
355
00:16:15,725 --> 00:16:17,811
Kind of scoot around it.
That's it. That's it.
356
00:16:17,852 --> 00:16:19,938
Give me that--
A little more precious.
357
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,898
Not that, no.
That! That's the money!
358
00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:24,442
That's the money. Yes!
359
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:27,570
OK. Good. Good.
Your--Your tie's
a little crooked there.
360
00:16:27,612 --> 00:16:28,571
OK.
361
00:16:28,613 --> 00:16:29,906
Just a little--
Like this?
362
00:16:29,948 --> 00:16:31,241
No, no,
the other side.
Here. Let me get it.
363
00:16:31,282 --> 00:16:33,743
It's going so well.
Yeah. That's better.
364
00:16:33,785 --> 00:16:37,205
Now, I want you to let
all your natural charm
just seep out, huh?
365
00:16:37,247 --> 00:16:38,289
OK, yeah.
366
00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:39,249
Man, are you firm!
367
00:16:39,290 --> 00:16:40,709
Wow. Working out, huh?
Nice traps.
368
00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:41,710
Huh?
369
00:16:41,751 --> 00:16:43,378
Nice traps.
370
00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:45,422
Yeah. Ahem.
Mmm!
371
00:16:45,463 --> 00:16:47,048
How about, uh...
372
00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:48,216
we get back
to the calendar there?
373
00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:49,718
We got some juveniles
to save, huh?
374
00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:51,094
Wow! That's
a lot of boy.
375
00:16:51,136 --> 00:16:52,303
Yeah.
376
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:54,305
Doug, uh...
377
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:55,473
I got to level with you.
378
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,267
There's no juveniles.
379
00:16:57,308 --> 00:17:00,103
N-no juveniles?
No juveniles.
380
00:17:00,145 --> 00:17:01,980
No juveniles,
no calendar...
381
00:17:02,022 --> 00:17:04,107
Just you, me...
382
00:17:04,149 --> 00:17:05,191
[SIGHS]
383
00:17:05,233 --> 00:17:08,486
...and a whole lot
of sexual tension.
384
00:17:10,321 --> 00:17:12,824
Not getting that.
Come on, Doug.
385
00:17:12,866 --> 00:17:14,909
Wrap those
linebackin'
meathooks around me
386
00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:16,578
and pull me
into the huddle.
387
00:17:16,619 --> 00:17:18,663
What's going on here, man?
Whoa! What are you telling me?
388
00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:19,914
Are you telling me
you're gay?
389
00:17:19,956 --> 00:17:21,249
I'm not gaygay.
390
00:17:21,291 --> 00:17:24,085
I'm what you call
bi-curious.
391
00:17:24,127 --> 00:17:25,378
Right, whatever.
Look, I got to go, man.
392
00:17:25,420 --> 00:17:27,797
I'm really late
for something...not gay.
393
00:17:27,839 --> 00:17:31,426
Oh, God! I should've
never done this.
394
00:17:31,468 --> 00:17:33,678
Hey, don't tell anybody
about this, huh?
395
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,556
All right, look, Spero,
I'm not going to tell
anybody you're gay, OK?
396
00:17:36,598 --> 00:17:37,766
Thanks, Doug.
Thanks, man.
397
00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:38,808
OK.
398
00:17:38,850 --> 00:17:39,976
Hey, Doug, thanks.
399
00:17:40,018 --> 00:17:41,269
OK. All right, man.
OK. There you go.
400
00:17:41,311 --> 00:17:42,520
Gotcha!
401
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:44,647
[ALL LAUGHING]
402
00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:45,815
Hey, Heffernan.
403
00:17:45,857 --> 00:17:47,984
You are looking good!
404
00:17:48,026 --> 00:17:49,652
DEACON: Oh, man! You
should've seen your face.
405
00:17:49,694 --> 00:17:52,364
"I got to go
somewhere...not gay."
406
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:53,823
[LAUGHTER]
407
00:17:53,865 --> 00:17:55,200
All right, guys,
knock it off.
408
00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:56,618
Enough, enough,
all right?
409
00:17:56,659 --> 00:17:58,661
Leave him alone.
You all right, pal?
410
00:17:58,703 --> 00:17:59,829
Yeah, I'm OK.
411
00:17:59,871 --> 00:18:02,540
Good. Want to go
to the prom with me?
412
00:18:04,292 --> 00:18:07,420
Yeah, funny, man!
You guys are funny.
Funny stuff, guys!
413
00:18:07,462 --> 00:18:08,838
It was a goof, Porks.
414
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,006
I'd tell you
to lighten up,
415
00:18:10,048 --> 00:18:11,424
but that might be
hard for you.
416
00:18:11,466 --> 00:18:13,134
You know what, man?
I had enough of
your crap, man!
417
00:18:13,176 --> 00:18:14,844
Hey, keep your hands
off me.
418
00:18:14,886 --> 00:18:16,179
Oh! God, oh!
419
00:18:16,221 --> 00:18:17,180
What the hell
did you do?
420
00:18:17,222 --> 00:18:18,890
He came at me.
You saw it.
421
00:18:18,932 --> 00:18:20,016
Oh, God. Oh, God,
it's broken, man.
422
00:18:20,058 --> 00:18:21,434
Oh, my God.
He's really hurt.
423
00:18:21,476 --> 00:18:22,435
It's broken!
424
00:18:22,477 --> 00:18:24,187
Somebody get some help now!
Now!
425
00:18:24,229 --> 00:18:25,814
Look, it was just
a joke, man. You OK?
426
00:18:25,855 --> 00:18:26,773
Just a joke.
427
00:18:26,815 --> 00:18:27,857
It's catsup.
Mmm!
428
00:18:27,899 --> 00:18:30,694
But it tastes
like victory!
429
00:18:30,735 --> 00:18:31,945
Man!
430
00:18:31,986 --> 00:18:33,530
You knew
the whole time!
431
00:18:33,571 --> 00:18:35,031
Oh, yeah, man!
You kiddin' me?
432
00:18:35,073 --> 00:18:36,825
Spero told me
this morning.
433
00:18:36,866 --> 00:18:38,702
See, you thought
you were getting me,
434
00:18:38,743 --> 00:18:40,870
but I flipped her
around on you!
435
00:18:40,912 --> 00:18:42,580
Yabba dabba!
436
00:18:47,127 --> 00:18:49,212
Nice work. Can I
get the film now?
437
00:18:49,254 --> 00:18:52,215
Eh. It's digital.
That way, it'll go
right on the Internet.
438
00:18:52,257 --> 00:18:53,591
Sweet!
439
00:18:58,096 --> 00:19:00,432
[ELEVATOR BELL RINGS]
440
00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:03,560
Hello.
441
00:19:03,601 --> 00:19:04,936
Dad, where have you been?
442
00:19:04,978 --> 00:19:07,188
I have been trying
to call you for hours!
443
00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:09,357
Uh, I just went up
to the roof to think.
444
00:19:09,399 --> 00:19:11,401
Gets a little breezy
86 floors up,
445
00:19:11,443 --> 00:19:15,405
especially when
the helicopters
are landing.
446
00:19:15,447 --> 00:19:18,408
Dad, look,
about what happened today,
447
00:19:18,450 --> 00:19:19,492
I want--
448
00:19:19,534 --> 00:19:21,494
Darling, can I tell you
a little story?
449
00:19:21,536 --> 00:19:22,328
Sure.
450
00:19:22,370 --> 00:19:24,873
Look, when I was
8 years old,
451
00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:26,374
I was chosen
from dozens of boys
452
00:19:26,416 --> 00:19:29,711
to sing a solo
from Ave Maria
453
00:19:29,753 --> 00:19:32,088
at my church
choir recital.
454
00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:34,924
It was
the greatest honor
of my young life.
455
00:19:34,966 --> 00:19:37,302
The night
of the recital,
456
00:19:37,344 --> 00:19:41,056
my father was
sitting right
in the second row.
457
00:19:41,806 --> 00:19:44,309
He heckled me.
458
00:19:44,351 --> 00:19:46,311
Heckled you?
459
00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:47,270
Oh, yeah.
460
00:19:47,312 --> 00:19:48,897
He called it
tough love,
461
00:19:48,938 --> 00:19:51,566
said it would
make be a better
choir singer.
462
00:19:51,608 --> 00:19:53,443
But I was
mortified.
463
00:19:53,485 --> 00:19:56,571
Yeah. Dad, that's--
That's terrible.
464
00:19:56,613 --> 00:20:02,118
Today you had
the same look
on your face as I did
465
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,371
at my recital.
466
00:20:06,081 --> 00:20:09,125
I'm sorry if
I embarrassed you, Carrie.
467
00:20:09,167 --> 00:20:12,212
Dad, no.
No, no, no, no.
468
00:20:12,253 --> 00:20:14,631
You didn't do anything wrong.
469
00:20:14,673 --> 00:20:17,425
I completely overreacted.
470
00:20:17,467 --> 00:20:21,388
I guess sometimes I feel
like I have to walk around
apologizing for you,
471
00:20:21,429 --> 00:20:23,640
but that's--
That's my problem.
472
00:20:23,682 --> 00:20:25,141
That's all me.
473
00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:27,060
Well, perhaps
my prior antics
474
00:20:27,102 --> 00:20:29,396
have left you
a bit gun-shy.
475
00:20:29,437 --> 00:20:31,940
Well, true.
I could've done
without your bomb jokes
476
00:20:31,981 --> 00:20:34,192
at La Guardia last month.
477
00:20:35,193 --> 00:20:40,615
But even so, I'm sorry
about the way I acted.
478
00:20:40,657 --> 00:20:47,122
I--I was touched that you
wanted to, you know,
be part of my life.
479
00:20:49,708 --> 00:20:51,334
I love you, sweetheart.
480
00:20:51,376 --> 00:20:54,546
I love you, too, Dad.
You know what?
481
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:57,340
Why don't we forget
about all this
and start fresh?
482
00:20:57,382 --> 00:21:00,010
Tomorrow I will talk
to Pruzan
483
00:21:00,051 --> 00:21:01,261
and get your job back.
484
00:21:01,302 --> 00:21:03,263
No, no.
I wouldn't hear of it.
485
00:21:03,304 --> 00:21:05,974
To be honest, I find
this place mind-numbing.
486
00:21:06,016 --> 00:21:07,434
How you work here
487
00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:10,478
and not put
a bullet in your head
is beyond me.
488
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:13,648
Well, can I at least
buy you a hot dog
on the corner?
489
00:21:13,690 --> 00:21:16,192
I'll go for that.
OK.
490
00:21:16,234 --> 00:21:17,819
[ELEVATOR BELL RINGS]
491
00:21:25,410 --> 00:21:33,126
[SOPRANO VOICE]
* Ave Maria *
492
00:21:35,128 --> 00:21:36,588
CARRIE: Dad!
493
00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:48,516
You call that
singing?!
494
00:21:48,558 --> 00:21:52,729
[BOY CONTINUES
SINGING BEAUTIFULLY]
495
00:21:52,771 --> 00:21:55,273
You sound like
a little girl!
496
00:21:55,315 --> 00:21:57,942
[BOY CONTINUES SINGING]
497
00:21:57,984 --> 00:21:59,569
Nice haircut!
498
00:21:59,611 --> 00:22:01,988
Use a bigger bowl
next time!
499
00:22:03,156 --> 00:22:05,075
That's my boy.
500
00:22:07,369 --> 00:22:10,955
[**]
36962
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