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1
00:00:02,544 --> 00:00:06,214
[**]
2
00:00:18,226 --> 00:00:19,644
What the...?
3
00:00:22,647 --> 00:00:23,773
Thank you.
4
00:00:27,944 --> 00:00:30,572
No, I mean it.
Thank you.
5
00:00:31,614 --> 00:00:33,825
[TO HIMSELF]
Oh, this is so great.
6
00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:42,375
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
What are you doing
with that?
7
00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:44,544
Just watching
the sunlight hit it.
8
00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:48,131
That is for tomorrow.
9
00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:50,467
But I'm hungry.
I'm just going
to take a leg.
10
00:00:50,508 --> 00:00:52,510
Doug, we are having
guests for Thanksgiving,
11
00:00:52,552 --> 00:00:55,972
and I am not serving
them a one-legged turkey.
12
00:00:56,014 --> 00:00:58,224
Oh, what a turkey can't
be handicapped?
13
00:00:58,266 --> 00:01:00,226
What, have you got
some kind of problem?
14
00:01:00,268 --> 00:01:03,146
Come on, I will find you
something in there
15
00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:05,065
that is good, okay?
16
00:01:05,106 --> 00:01:07,108
Here we go.
Let's see...
17
00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:09,235
OK, you can't have that.
18
00:01:09,277 --> 00:01:10,779
Mashed potatoes, no.
19
00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:12,530
Yams, no.
Pie, no.
20
00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:14,366
OK, you know what, you name
one more thing I can't have,
21
00:01:14,407 --> 00:01:16,493
and I'm gonna
pghh-taaa ya!
22
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,704
I'm following you...
23
00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:22,457
I'm sorry, I don't think
there's anything in here
that you can have.
24
00:01:22,499 --> 00:01:24,125
How about stuffing?
A little stuffing.
25
00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:25,835
Come on.
I love you.
26
00:01:28,296 --> 00:01:30,090
No.
It's stuffing!
27
00:01:30,131 --> 00:01:33,259
You can't tell
if stuffing's missing!
28
00:01:33,301 --> 00:01:35,804
I'll re-mold it,
I'll even it out.
29
00:01:35,845 --> 00:01:37,055
Hey, look at me.
30
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:39,140
No one has to know.
31
00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:42,644
Ah-ah-ah,
look, lookie here.
32
00:01:42,686 --> 00:01:45,689
I found something
that you can have.
33
00:01:45,730 --> 00:01:47,273
Oh, Lunchables.
Right.
34
00:01:47,315 --> 00:01:48,900
Oh, this is good.
35
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:51,111
It's great, you know why?
Because this is like lunch,
36
00:01:51,152 --> 00:01:52,445
only a lot smaller.
37
00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:55,073
This is gonna be perfect.
Thank you very much.
38
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:57,492
OK, there we go...
39
00:01:58,993 --> 00:02:00,662
Mmm...
40
00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:08,795
I'm stuffed!
41
00:02:08,837 --> 00:02:12,132
* My eyesare gettin' weary *
42
00:02:12,173 --> 00:02:14,300
* My back is gettin' tight *
43
00:02:14,342 --> 00:02:16,219
* I'm sittin' herein traffic *
44
00:02:16,261 --> 00:02:18,972
* On the Queensboro Bridgetonight *
45
00:02:19,014 --> 00:02:24,728
* But I don't care,'cause all I want to do *
46
00:02:24,769 --> 00:02:28,606
* Is cash my check and driveright home to you *
47
00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:32,152
* 'Cause, baby,all my life *
48
00:02:32,193 --> 00:02:35,572
* I will be drivin' hometo you *
49
00:02:43,913 --> 00:02:47,000
Uhh...I, for one,
am stuffed.
50
00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:50,045
Yeeeaaaaw!
Whoo!
51
00:02:50,086 --> 00:02:54,591
Thanksgiving, man.
Not a good day
to be my pants.
52
00:02:56,092 --> 00:02:58,595
There aren't a lot
of real good days.
53
00:02:59,763 --> 00:03:02,140
That's nice, very nice,
after we just fed you.
No.
54
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:04,642
Carrie, the food
was unbelievable.
Oh, excellent.
55
00:03:04,684 --> 00:03:06,353
Yes, honey,
it was delicious.
Thank you.
56
00:03:06,394 --> 00:03:10,565
Oh, don't thank me.
Thank the good folks
at "Holiday in a Box."
57
00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:12,442
Yeah, but who went
and picked it up?
58
00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:15,236
Actually, they--they
dropped it off.
59
00:03:15,278 --> 00:03:17,989
Well, come on, girl,
who re-heated it?
60
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:21,868
That's true, I did.
OK, OK, pride is back.
61
00:03:22,952 --> 00:03:25,705
Ahh...you know
the food is good
62
00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:28,792
when it knocks
a man out cold.
63
00:03:28,833 --> 00:03:30,418
Hey, you wanna stick
his hand in warm water,
64
00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,253
see if we can
make him pee?
65
00:03:32,295 --> 00:03:34,089
Oh, yeah. It'll be nice
66
00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:37,467
to be on the other end
of that for once.
67
00:03:37,509 --> 00:03:40,595
Even if it does work,
aren't you just going to
be ruining your own couch?
68
00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:42,389
A good point,
good point.
69
00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:44,140
Let's see here.
70
00:03:44,182 --> 00:03:47,644
Oh, this
is perfect.
This is great.
71
00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:53,274
Oh, man.
Shh!
72
00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:55,068
Sorry.
Shh!
73
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:57,987
[ALL LAUGHING]
74
00:04:00,865 --> 00:04:03,118
It's funny, right?
75
00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:07,872
Actually,
my kid could look
exactly like that.
76
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:13,044
Doug, what
the hell are you
doing to him?
77
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:15,296
Just dressing him up
like a big baby, relax.
78
00:04:15,338 --> 00:04:16,339
Stop it!
79
00:04:16,381 --> 00:04:18,174
Just killin' time
till dessert.
80
00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:20,301
Doug, it's Thanksgiving.
Could you be nice?
81
00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:22,804
I think I have a right
to mess with him
on Thanksgiving.
82
00:04:22,846 --> 00:04:23,972
Dessert's up.
83
00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:25,390
What are you
talking about?
84
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:27,017
Are you kidding me?
Remember how
he tortured me
85
00:04:27,058 --> 00:04:28,685
the first
Thanksgiving
I met him?
86
00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:30,145
My God,
it was hell.
87
00:04:30,186 --> 00:04:32,480
I remember
Thanksgiving very well.
It was a great day.
88
00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:35,525
It was the first time
I got the nerve up
to tell you "I love you."
89
00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:38,987
Got the nerve up?
It wasn't so hard
after I told you.
90
00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:42,115
What? You think
you told me first?
91
00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:43,658
Si, senorita.
92
00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:46,494
Uh, I think
I told you first,
senor.
93
00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:49,706
OK, you know what?
Don't go Spanish.
I went Spanish.
94
00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:52,083
Spanish?
95
00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:57,088
That got you up?
96
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:59,674
You know what?
Dad will know.
97
00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:01,051
Dad, do you remember
meeting Doug
98
00:05:01,092 --> 00:05:02,802
for the first time
on Thanksgiving?
99
00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:05,638
Of course I remember
meeting Doug.
100
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:08,224
I believe it was
Thanksgiving.
101
00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:13,688
Daddy, we're going to
the Thanksgiving party now.
102
00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:16,316
Have fun, sweetheart.
103
00:05:16,358 --> 00:05:19,110
Hey! You touch
one hair on her head,
104
00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:22,489
I'll gut you
like a fish. Scram!
105
00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:29,788
Dad, that was
Donny Peacock,
and we were 8 years old.
106
00:05:29,829 --> 00:05:32,457
And he ran out of
the house crying.
107
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:36,503
I am talking about
meeting Doug,
on Thanksgiving.
108
00:05:36,544 --> 00:05:38,088
You don't remember?
109
00:05:44,260 --> 00:05:47,430
I'll take the Thanksgiving
special, Kimiko.
110
00:05:47,472 --> 00:05:50,141
Yes, Arthur-san.
111
00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:56,147
No, that couldn't
be the one.
112
00:05:57,982 --> 00:06:02,112
Dad, 1993, I had
been dating Doug
a few months,
113
00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:05,281
you were still
married to Lily.
You remember?
114
00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:13,081
Ooh!
115
00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:16,251
Here you go,
a little taste
of what's coming.
116
00:06:16,292 --> 00:06:19,504
Delicious,
as are you, m'lady.
117
00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:22,424
Oh...mmm...
Mmm...
118
00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:25,760
Guys, guys, guys, guys!
My boyfriend's gonna
be here any minute,
119
00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:28,972
and we're not close
to ready. Any chance
we can get dinner going
120
00:06:29,014 --> 00:06:31,391
before you guys
get to 3rd base?
121
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:34,561
You heard her,
get off.
122
00:06:34,602 --> 00:06:38,481
So, uh, who is
this, uh, Happerman
fellow?
123
00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:40,817
Heffernan, Dad,
Doug Heffernan.
124
00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:42,986
He's the guy
I've been dating
for 6 months.
125
00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:44,612
Any relation
to Lou Heffernan?
126
00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:46,239
I don't know.
Uh, where's the ladle?
127
00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:49,242
Wouldn't that be
funny if they were
related, huh?
128
00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:51,745
Yes, that would be
very, very funny, Lily.
129
00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:53,163
Listen, um,
by the way, you guys,
130
00:06:53,204 --> 00:06:55,749
I took down your naked poster
of John and Yoko.
131
00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:58,043
Please don't fight me on that.
132
00:06:58,084 --> 00:07:00,879
So, what is
this young man's
line of work, anyway?
133
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:03,840
Uh, he's training
to be a driver at IPS.
134
00:07:03,882 --> 00:07:05,592
Whoa-boy.
135
00:07:06,634 --> 00:07:08,178
Dad, it's a good job.
136
00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:11,639
Yeah, it's a swell job,
until they invent
a machine to do it.
137
00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:13,266
Come on, who are you
to talk?
138
00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:15,435
You polish bowling balls
for a living.
139
00:07:15,477 --> 00:07:17,103
I polish
and engrave them.
140
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:19,564
Show me the machine
that can do that.
141
00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:22,150
Leave her alone,
Arthur.
142
00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:23,860
I'm glad
she finally found a boy
143
00:07:23,902 --> 00:07:25,653
she's serious about.
144
00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:27,781
Has he told you
he loves you yet?
145
00:07:27,822 --> 00:07:29,741
Oh, not yet.
He's not the, uh,
146
00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:31,993
"Say I love you out loud"
type of guy.
147
00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:33,661
Hmm. Well...
148
00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:35,288
I know I'm not
your mother, dear,
149
00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:38,458
but may I still
offer you a word
of advice?
150
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:40,001
Oh, sure.
151
00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:41,878
If you want
to make a sale,
152
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:43,171
you got to let
the customer
153
00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:46,091
sample
the merchandise.
154
00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:51,596
Absolutely. I will
do him in his car tonight.
155
00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:55,225
Leave her alone, Lily.
Just because you gave it away,
156
00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:57,185
doesn't mean she should.
Well, I wouldn't have,
157
00:07:57,227 --> 00:08:00,188
if you hadn't been
so damn good at the mambo.
158
00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:02,148
[SLAPS HANDS]
Come here!
159
00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:03,733
[BOTH VOCALIZING MAMBO TUNE]
160
00:08:03,775 --> 00:08:05,026
Hey, guys, stop it.
161
00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:07,404
[VOCALIZING CONTINUES]
[PROTESTS WITH NOISES]
162
00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:10,156
Okay, okay, let me explain
something here, okay?
163
00:08:10,198 --> 00:08:12,701
I-I really, really
like this guy,
164
00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:15,245
and I have put off having him
meet you for six months,
165
00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:17,414
but at this point,
I am running out of excuses.
166
00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:20,291
So if you two could,
I don't know,
167
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,377
maybe imitate normal people,
168
00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:24,421
just for today,
I would really appreciate it
169
00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:27,590
because Doug is
very, very special.
170
00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:31,594
Gotcha.
Damn.
171
00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:34,848
Oh! It's worth
the mini-puke
to be the best.
172
00:08:34,889 --> 00:08:36,099
See, that's where
we're different.
173
00:08:36,141 --> 00:08:38,268
I'm not that committed.
174
00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:41,604
Hello, Douglas!
175
00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:43,064
Hey, man!
Hey, this is the guy
176
00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:44,107
I was telling you about
from work.
177
00:08:44,149 --> 00:08:45,900
Deacon Palmer,
Spence Olchin.
178
00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:47,944
At your service.
Word up, Spence.
179
00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:51,239
Oh, most people
call me "The Spencenator."
180
00:08:51,281 --> 00:08:52,824
So, Doug,
are you nervous
181
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:53,908
about meeting
Carrie's family?
182
00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:55,243
Yeah, I kind of am,
you know?
183
00:08:55,285 --> 00:08:56,745
I thought
I would have met 'em
sooner but, uh,
184
00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:59,289
apparently they
spend a lot of time
in the Orient.
185
00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:02,751
So you guys are
starting to get serious.
186
00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:05,086
I think so. I think so.
187
00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:09,257
Oh. Have you said
the "l-word" yet?
188
00:09:09,299 --> 00:09:10,342
Not yet.
189
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:11,760
It's cocked
and loaded, though.
190
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:13,303
Today could be
the day.
191
00:09:13,345 --> 00:09:14,637
Gonna tell her
you love her?
192
00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:15,930
Wow.
193
00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:17,265
The only time I heard
you use that word
194
00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:21,061
was talking about
pork snacks and Mookie Wilson.
195
00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:24,814
Well, Carrie's about to join
that exclusive club.
196
00:09:24,856 --> 00:09:26,399
* Doo-doo-doo-doo *
197
00:09:26,441 --> 00:09:29,277
* Doug and Carrie,can't touch them! *
198
00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:38,119
OK, this baby
is ready for action.
199
00:09:38,161 --> 00:09:40,205
Good heavens,
we've got a lot
of food here.
200
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:42,624
Hope your Doug
fellow likes
to eat.
201
00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:44,417
I think we're good.
202
00:09:44,459 --> 00:09:46,961
Oh, Arthur,
I told you
2 hours ago
203
00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:49,839
to clean up
all these
boat brochures.
204
00:09:49,881 --> 00:09:51,383
Well, I'm sorry,
205
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:53,134
but I'm right on the verge
of a decision.
206
00:09:53,176 --> 00:09:54,219
Stop it, Arthur.
207
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:55,929
We are not buying
a boat.
208
00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:57,305
Oh, come on,
Lily darling.
209
00:09:57,347 --> 00:09:59,140
I even have a name
all picked out for her.
210
00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:01,184
The Lily Darling.
211
00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:05,313
[RADIO PLAYING]
212
00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:10,944
* Know what I mean *
213
00:10:10,985 --> 00:10:12,987
Arthur, you are
such a dreamer!
214
00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:14,406
I am not.
All I have to do
215
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:15,657
is go to the bank,
get a loan,
216
00:10:15,699 --> 00:10:16,950
and 5 minutes later
217
00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:19,035
I'm Captain Arty
of the Lily Darling.
218
00:10:19,077 --> 00:10:21,371
It is not that simple
to get a loan, Arthur.
219
00:10:21,413 --> 00:10:23,164
Boats are
very expensive.
220
00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:25,375
Oh, I see.
So is this your way
221
00:10:25,417 --> 00:10:28,420
of rubbing the bankruptcy
in my face?
222
00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:35,969
* Saw her picturein a magazine *
223
00:10:36,011 --> 00:10:38,430
* Ba dum dum *
224
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,849
Why don't you go back
to the street corner
where I found you?
225
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:42,308
I was waiting
for the bus!
226
00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:44,728
Whatever helps you
sleep at night!
227
00:10:47,022 --> 00:10:49,941
CARRIE:
Dad! Get out of
the bathroom now!
228
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:52,277
ARTHUR:
No! She's violent!
229
00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:54,320
LILY:
He's a moron!
230
00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:56,322
ARTHUR:
She shaves her lip!
231
00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:58,742
LILY:
His nipples don't match!
232
00:11:04,706 --> 00:11:05,832
CARRIE:
You're insane!
233
00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:07,584
ARTHUR:
I heard that!
234
00:11:09,127 --> 00:11:10,045
[DOORBELL RINGS]
235
00:11:10,086 --> 00:11:11,755
CARRIE:
Crap, he's here!
236
00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:13,590
LILY:
I'll get it!
237
00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:14,674
CARRIE:
Don't get it!
238
00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:16,009
LILY:
I have to get it!
239
00:11:16,051 --> 00:11:19,596
The poor schmo is
standing right on the porch!
240
00:11:20,764 --> 00:11:23,016
Hi, you must
be Doug.
241
00:11:23,058 --> 00:11:24,768
One sec, hon.
242
00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:29,439
LILY:
He's here! Now get out
of the freakin' crapper!
243
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:33,902
Dad, will you
just come out?
244
00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:35,153
ARTHUR: Not until
she apologizes.
245
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,821
Lily,
just apologize.
246
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:39,449
You don't have to mean it,
just say the words.
247
00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:44,371
All right. I'm sorry!
248
00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:45,789
Ha! Did you hear that,
Daddy?
249
00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:47,582
She said she's sorry.
That's so sweet of her.
250
00:11:47,624 --> 00:11:48,917
Now come on out.
251
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:50,001
Are we getting
a boat?
252
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,169
Just say yes.
253
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,296
The second lie
is always easier.
254
00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:01,805
Yes! We can get a boat.
255
00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:03,223
Ah!
Do you hear that, Dad?
256
00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:04,516
You're gonna get your boat.
257
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,101
And a jet ski!
258
00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:07,727
A jet ski?!
259
00:12:07,769 --> 00:12:09,938
Oh, God.
You're insane!
260
00:12:09,979 --> 00:12:10,980
You're not gonna
get anything,
261
00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:12,399
you little pain
in the ass!
262
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,901
I hope you stay in
that bathroom forever!
263
00:12:14,943 --> 00:12:16,695
Maybe I will.
And by the way,
264
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:20,615
I am currently
making a lewd
gesture!
265
00:12:20,657 --> 00:12:22,200
[DOORBELL RINGS]
266
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:24,452
Oh, you...
miserable old people!
267
00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:26,830
I can't believe
you're doing this to me!
268
00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:41,511
[CAR STARTS]
269
00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:43,138
Carrie?
270
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:44,514
[CAR DRIVES OFF]
271
00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:46,474
Doug!
272
00:12:46,516 --> 00:12:48,977
It's so nice
to finally meet you.
273
00:12:49,019 --> 00:12:50,687
Come in, come in, come in!
274
00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:19,883
So?
275
00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:20,967
Yeah.
276
00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:22,719
How are you enjoying
the food, dear?
277
00:13:22,761 --> 00:13:24,888
Oh. It's, uh, it's great.
Thanks.
278
00:13:24,929 --> 00:13:27,557
Oh, thank you so much for
bringing these buffalo wings.
279
00:13:27,599 --> 00:13:29,225
They look delicious.
280
00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:32,645
No problem. Uh,
they're from Cooper's.
281
00:13:32,687 --> 00:13:35,273
They're famous
for their wings.
282
00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:38,276
Half of these are hot,
283
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:39,986
the other half are mild.
284
00:13:40,028 --> 00:13:42,322
I didn't know
what you guys liked.
285
00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:50,288
I like hot.
286
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:52,082
I like mild.
287
00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:53,958
Hey, that's what makes
the world go round, huh?
288
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,335
Ha ha ha!
289
00:13:55,377 --> 00:13:57,379
Question for ya.
Is Carrie coming back
at any point?
290
00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:58,838
Oh, of course she is!
291
00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:02,133
I think she's having
a visit from her Aunt Flo.
292
00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:07,389
So, how would you like
a nice warm biscuit?
293
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:08,390
OK. Yeah, sure.
294
00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:10,100
Be back in a jiff.
295
00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:19,234
ARTHUR:
Is the bitch gone?
296
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:26,408
Did someone...
Hello?
297
00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:28,034
Is she gone?
298
00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:30,954
Uh, yeah, she's
in the kitchen.
299
00:14:32,163 --> 00:14:34,666
Arthur Spooner.
I'm Carrie's father.
300
00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:36,459
Oh, hi.
Doug Heffernan.
301
00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:38,837
So, you're with
IPS, huh?
302
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:41,464
Yeah, IPS, yeah.
303
00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:44,843
Aren't you concerned
about losing your job
to a machine?
304
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,930
Not really, no.
I, uh...
305
00:14:48,972 --> 00:14:50,765
See, I drive to
a lot of people's
houses and...
306
00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:53,810
and deliver
packages to them.
307
00:14:55,437 --> 00:14:58,982
I, uh, don't know
really how a machine
would do that.
308
00:14:59,024 --> 00:15:01,026
Oh, it's going to
happen, my friend.
309
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:03,570
They're working on it
even as we speak.
310
00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:04,863
[DING]
311
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,489
LILY: They're ready.
312
00:15:06,531 --> 00:15:08,033
I was never here!
313
00:15:11,745 --> 00:15:13,663
Here you go.
Piping hot.
314
00:15:13,705 --> 00:15:17,083
Ooh! Let me freshen up
that Orangina.
315
00:15:21,713 --> 00:15:22,839
Give me a drumstick!
316
00:15:22,881 --> 00:15:24,341
Drumstick! Now!
317
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:27,719
Thank you.
318
00:15:29,471 --> 00:15:32,140
There you go,
sweetheart.
319
00:15:32,182 --> 00:15:34,392
Where's the other
drumstick?
320
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:35,810
I don't, um...
321
00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:38,146
I think this one
started out with one.
322
00:15:39,189 --> 00:15:42,859
Arthur! Give me
back that drumstick!
323
00:15:42,901 --> 00:15:46,946
You'll have to
pry it out of my
dead, cold hands!
324
00:15:46,988 --> 00:15:48,823
Excuse me, where...
Where's the bathroom?
325
00:15:48,865 --> 00:15:50,533
The psycho is in it.
326
00:15:50,575 --> 00:15:52,077
Arthur, Doug has to
go to the bathroom!
327
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:53,495
Now, get out!
328
00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:56,831
No. He can come
in if he wants,
but I'm staying.
329
00:15:57,957 --> 00:16:00,502
Son, what do you
have-- number 1
or number 2?
330
00:16:07,676 --> 00:16:11,054
So...you've been
dating my daughter
for quite a while now.
331
00:16:11,096 --> 00:16:11,888
Huh?
332
00:16:11,930 --> 00:16:14,683
Yes, about
6 months now, sir.
333
00:16:14,724 --> 00:16:16,559
So...pretty serious?
334
00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:20,188
Oh, yes.
She's a great girl.
335
00:16:21,272 --> 00:16:24,859
And you are
planning to get
the weight off?
336
00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:29,781
Absolutely.
I'm on it.
337
00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:36,121
Problem with
the plumbing, son?
338
00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:37,831
No, no. You know,
I'm just having
a hard time
339
00:16:37,872 --> 00:16:40,083
going with
you in here.
340
00:16:40,125 --> 00:16:41,793
Oh, why didn't
you say so?
341
00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:44,421
By all means,
I'll give you
some privacy.
342
00:16:44,462 --> 00:16:46,339
Oh, well,
thank you.
343
00:16:56,641 --> 00:16:58,810
So where you from?
344
00:17:00,812 --> 00:17:02,313
Regal Park.
345
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:03,565
Oh, wonderful area.
346
00:17:03,606 --> 00:17:05,984
You must know
my friend Stan.
347
00:17:06,026 --> 00:17:09,195
Runs the shoe shine joint
down by the Dunkin Donuts.
348
00:17:09,237 --> 00:17:11,281
No. You know what, nope,
don't know him.
349
00:17:11,322 --> 00:17:12,741
Sure you do.
350
00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:15,285
I'm sorry,
don't know him,
Mr. Spooner.
351
00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:19,456
For God's sakes, son--
Stan. Stan.
352
00:17:19,497 --> 00:17:22,042
Shoe Shine Stan!
353
00:17:22,751 --> 00:17:24,377
Oh, Shoe--
Show Shine Stan.
354
00:17:24,419 --> 00:17:26,713
Yes. Oh, yeah,
he did one of my shoes.
355
00:17:26,755 --> 00:17:28,631
Yup. Yeah.
356
00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:30,175
There you go.
357
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:32,177
OK, you know what?
I'm not having
any luck with this.
358
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:35,305
I'm just going to go up
to the mobile station
on the corner.
359
00:17:35,347 --> 00:17:36,514
They're gonna make
you buy something.
360
00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:38,016
OK.
361
00:17:39,059 --> 00:17:40,602
LILY:
You out, Doug?
362
00:17:40,643 --> 00:17:42,187
Want some pie?
363
00:17:49,486 --> 00:17:51,863
Oh, sweet freedom!
364
00:17:54,824 --> 00:17:56,284
You're here?
365
00:17:56,326 --> 00:17:58,119
Were you here
the whole time?
366
00:17:58,161 --> 00:18:00,163
No. I drove down
to the 7-Eleven
367
00:18:00,205 --> 00:18:02,582
to get a pack
of Capris.
368
00:18:02,624 --> 00:18:03,792
Oh, did you?
Oh, that's nice.
369
00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:05,335
Do you mind if I...?
370
00:18:05,377 --> 00:18:06,670
You don't smoke.
371
00:18:06,711 --> 00:18:10,382
That's right,
I don't smoke!
372
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:11,591
Why did you leave?!
373
00:18:11,633 --> 00:18:13,093
Because, I...
374
00:18:13,134 --> 00:18:14,928
I didn't want
to be there
for the moment
375
00:18:14,969 --> 00:18:18,264
when you realized
I come from
a crazy farm!
376
00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:19,432
You know what?
377
00:18:19,474 --> 00:18:20,850
I would love to
hear this, but
I gotta pee.
378
00:18:20,892 --> 00:18:22,519
Yeah, OK.
You gotta pee.
You know what?
379
00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:24,854
Why don't you call me
in 6 months when
you're done "peeing."
380
00:18:24,896 --> 00:18:26,314
OK? We'll have
a cup of coffee.
381
00:18:26,356 --> 00:18:27,982
6--What are you
talking about?
"6 months."
382
00:18:28,024 --> 00:18:29,192
I gotta pee,
I'm serious.
383
00:18:29,234 --> 00:18:31,194
Look, if you want
to just go, go!
384
00:18:31,236 --> 00:18:33,655
My whole life's been
a freak show, I don't
even blame you.
385
00:18:33,697 --> 00:18:35,782
What are you doing?
Bye!
386
00:18:35,824 --> 00:18:37,450
I was gonna tell you
I love you today,
387
00:18:37,492 --> 00:18:38,660
dumb ass!
388
00:18:39,994 --> 00:18:41,579
I'm really
gonna burst.
389
00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:50,714
ARTHUR: Douglas!
390
00:18:50,755 --> 00:18:52,799
Oh, God, now
I'm locked up.
391
00:18:52,841 --> 00:18:54,843
Douglas, over here!
392
00:18:54,884 --> 00:18:56,720
Yeah, Mr. Spooner?
393
00:18:56,761 --> 00:19:00,098
Listen, I couldn't
help but overhear
your little argument.
394
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:02,017
Uh, yeah. Do you
think it's possible
395
00:19:02,058 --> 00:19:04,060
that you could
send Carrie out?
396
00:19:04,102 --> 00:19:05,562
She's too upset.
397
00:19:05,603 --> 00:19:07,731
You can't talk
to her when
she's like this.
398
00:19:07,772 --> 00:19:09,524
Listen, you seem
like a good kid.
399
00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:11,776
Wait here,
and I'll go
talk to her.
400
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:13,278
Try to patch
things up.
401
00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:17,574
No promises,
but I'll see
what I can do.
402
00:19:48,646 --> 00:19:49,981
Sorry, son.
No go.
403
00:19:50,023 --> 00:19:52,567
Really?
Believe me,
I tried.
404
00:19:52,609 --> 00:19:54,444
But she didn't
want to hear
a word of it.
405
00:19:54,486 --> 00:19:56,446
Anyway, it was
a pleasure
to meet you.
406
00:19:56,488 --> 00:19:58,365
Maybe someday,
when this
blows over,
407
00:19:58,406 --> 00:20:00,200
we'll sit on
my boat and have
a good laugh.
408
00:20:00,241 --> 00:20:02,452
If you still
have to pee,
409
00:20:02,494 --> 00:20:06,122
feel free to go
on the azaleas.
They're hers.
410
00:20:16,925 --> 00:20:17,967
Doug?
411
00:20:18,009 --> 00:20:19,469
Yes?
412
00:20:19,511 --> 00:20:22,055
Did you just say
you were gonna tell me
you loved me?
413
00:20:22,097 --> 00:20:24,224
Yes. Yes, I did.
414
00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:26,976
Did you just...
pee in our bushes?
415
00:20:27,018 --> 00:20:29,396
Yes. Yes, I did.
416
00:20:32,399 --> 00:20:33,650
I love you.
417
00:20:33,692 --> 00:20:35,527
I love you, too.
418
00:20:39,698 --> 00:20:41,241
ARTHUR: Where you going?
419
00:20:41,282 --> 00:20:42,992
Carrie, come back!
420
00:20:43,034 --> 00:20:44,869
He's got no future!
421
00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:46,329
I'm telling ya,
the 2 of you
422
00:20:46,371 --> 00:20:50,333
will be living
in my house
within 5 years!
423
00:20:50,375 --> 00:20:52,377
Carrie!
424
00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:54,087
And we drove off.
End of story.
425
00:20:54,129 --> 00:20:56,006
I said "I love you"
first...
426
00:20:56,047 --> 00:20:57,090
right after
you peed.
427
00:20:57,132 --> 00:20:58,883
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
428
00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:00,593
Are you even listening
to your own story?
429
00:21:00,635 --> 00:21:02,887
Way before that, I said,
"I love you, dumb ass."
430
00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:08,268
No, no. You said,
"I was gonnasay
I love you, dumb ass,"
431
00:21:08,309 --> 00:21:09,686
but you didn't
actually say it.
432
00:21:09,728 --> 00:21:11,896
And by the way,
"dumb ass" kinda
killed it anyway.
433
00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:14,733
Now you're punching
wild. You know it's
the same thing.
434
00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:16,151
It's not
the same thing.
435
00:21:16,192 --> 00:21:17,610
If you say
you're gonna take
the garbage out,
436
00:21:17,652 --> 00:21:20,155
but you don't
actually take
the garbage out,
437
00:21:20,196 --> 00:21:23,199
is the garbage out?
438
00:21:23,241 --> 00:21:24,409
I don't know where
the garbage is--
439
00:21:24,451 --> 00:21:27,871
Look, the point is,
the words "I love you"
440
00:21:27,912 --> 00:21:31,249
were never said
until I said them.
441
00:21:34,294 --> 00:21:36,129
Well, I said
"I wanna have sex" first.
442
00:21:36,171 --> 00:21:39,132
That was all you, yes.
443
00:21:52,062 --> 00:21:53,563
What's that?
444
00:21:53,605 --> 00:21:56,191
It's the new engraving
and buffing machine.
445
00:22:02,072 --> 00:22:05,200
[**]
31860
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