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1
00:00:02,377 --> 00:00:05,714
[**]
2
00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:23,356
Ah, there he is.
There's my boy.
3
00:00:23,398 --> 00:00:26,443
Morning, Arthur.
Want some pancakes?
4
00:00:26,484 --> 00:00:27,694
No, no, no.
5
00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:30,321
I just want to sit here
and drink you in.
6
00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:33,450
All right.
7
00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:48,381
Arthur--
Don't mind me. Eat, eat.
8
00:00:48,423 --> 00:00:50,592
I can't eat
when you're drinking me.
9
00:00:50,633 --> 00:00:53,803
I'm sorry, I'm just
so damn proud of you.
10
00:00:53,845 --> 00:00:55,263
A working Joe on strike
11
00:00:55,305 --> 00:00:58,058
bringing the capitalist
bosses to their knees.
12
00:00:58,099 --> 00:00:59,851
I admire you
so much right now
13
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:02,103
it's actually
bordering on lust.
14
00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:07,108
OK, I guess I'll be sleeping
with one eye open tonight.
15
00:01:10,862 --> 00:01:13,281
Hiya, boys. Whoa!
16
00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:15,992
What are we
serving up here?
17
00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:17,535
What we're serving,
my lady,
18
00:01:17,577 --> 00:01:19,537
is a pretty close replica
of IHOP's famous
19
00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:22,957
Rooty Tooty
Fresh and Fruity
Pancakes,
20
00:01:22,999 --> 00:01:25,085
which I made
especially for you
21
00:01:25,126 --> 00:01:27,087
and me.
22
00:01:27,128 --> 00:01:31,007
Ah, that's very sweet, honey,
but I'm really not that hungry.
23
00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:33,176
How dare you talk
to this man like that!
24
00:01:33,218 --> 00:01:35,595
Why can't you just smile
and say, "Thank you, sir,
25
00:01:35,637 --> 00:01:39,099
"those are the best Rooty Tooty
Fresh and Fruity Pancakes
26
00:01:39,140 --> 00:01:40,600
I've ever had"?
27
00:01:40,642 --> 00:01:43,645
Well, for one,
it's a little wordy.
28
00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:47,899
She doesn't deserve you.
29
00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:50,610
Oh, I gotta
get to work.
30
00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:51,653
You go, girl.
31
00:01:51,695 --> 00:01:53,238
Heh! So, what are you
gonna do today?
32
00:01:53,279 --> 00:01:56,408
Well, let's see,
I got my mah-jongg
at 11:00.
33
00:01:56,449 --> 00:01:58,243
And of course,
I've got my stories.
34
00:01:58,284 --> 00:02:00,704
Doug, come on.
I'm serious.
35
00:02:00,745 --> 00:02:01,746
You gonna be OK?
36
00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:04,082
Huh! Yeah!
Why wouldn't
I be OK?
37
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,375
Well, you know,
not--
38
00:02:05,417 --> 00:02:07,210
Not being able to go
to work for so long
39
00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:08,586
is bound to,
you know,
40
00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:10,046
put you a little
off your game.
41
00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:11,506
Excuse me.
Way on my game!
42
00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:13,299
I've got a lot of things
to do today, Carrie.
43
00:02:13,341 --> 00:02:15,051
Yeah? Like what?
44
00:02:15,093 --> 00:02:17,387
Household repairs.
45
00:02:17,429 --> 00:02:18,680
Like this knob,
for instance.
46
00:02:18,722 --> 00:02:21,141
Remember, you, uh,
you said it was loose.
47
00:02:21,182 --> 00:02:22,517
I did?
48
00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:24,602
Oh! When we were
first looking
at the house.
49
00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:26,396
Right, yeah.
50
00:02:26,438 --> 00:02:27,647
Well, today
it happens--
51
00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:29,149
that and a lot more
other stuff--
52
00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:30,400
so you just run along,
all right?
53
00:02:30,442 --> 00:02:31,818
All right, I'll see ya.
54
00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:34,988
All right, giddyap!
Watcha!
55
00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:36,865
Go!
56
00:02:44,914 --> 00:02:46,750
[WHIRRING]
57
00:02:48,626 --> 00:02:50,211
[WHIRS]
58
00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:07,354
* My eyesare gettin' weary *
59
00:03:07,395 --> 00:03:09,898
* My back is gettin' tight *
60
00:03:09,939 --> 00:03:11,775
* I'm sittin' herein traffic *
61
00:03:11,816 --> 00:03:14,694
* On the Queensboro Bridgetonight *
62
00:03:14,736 --> 00:03:20,408
* But I don't care,'cause all I want to do *
63
00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:24,412
* Is cash my check and driveright home to you *
64
00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:27,582
* 'Cause, baby,all my life *
65
00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:31,419
* I will be drivin' hometo you *
66
00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:42,055
WOMAN [ON TV]: You know,I have never been very good
67
00:03:42,097 --> 00:03:44,599
at beinga solitary woman.
68
00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:47,102
Until recently,my entire existence
69
00:03:47,143 --> 00:03:50,772
was defined by the manin my life.
70
00:03:50,814 --> 00:03:54,192
And when I wantedto bring more...
71
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,527
[DOORBELL RINGS]
72
00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:57,112
...into our relationshipby having another baby,
73
00:03:57,153 --> 00:04:00,782
and so thatdrove us apart--
74
00:04:00,824 --> 00:04:03,159
[DOORBELL RINGS]
75
00:04:10,166 --> 00:04:11,209
Mr. Heffernan?
76
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:12,377
That's me. Heh heh!
77
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:13,670
Actually,
I work at IPS.
78
00:04:13,712 --> 00:04:15,005
We're on strike
at the moment,
79
00:04:15,046 --> 00:04:17,298
but I'm sure you
heard about that.
80
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,718
Right.
81
00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:20,885
Sign here, please.
82
00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:24,472
Whoa! 560
Dicad Board. Sweet!
83
00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:25,974
I'm still
working off a 520.
84
00:04:26,016 --> 00:04:27,434
Can you
believe that?
85
00:04:27,475 --> 00:04:28,518
This baby must be
86
00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:29,978
like greased
lightning, huh?
87
00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:32,147
Could you just
sign it, please?
88
00:04:32,188 --> 00:04:34,482
Oh, yeah.
89
00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:37,152
Let me give you
some advice.
90
00:04:37,193 --> 00:04:37,986
Cherish every moment
91
00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:39,529
you have
on that truck.
92
00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:40,822
'Cause believe me,
93
00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:44,159
it can all just
go away like that.
94
00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:46,619
Guy, I got a lot
of deliveries.
95
00:04:46,661 --> 00:04:48,371
Oh, yeah, I'm sorry.
96
00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:54,711
[TRUCK STARTS UP]
97
00:04:55,712 --> 00:04:59,299
[TRUCK DEPARTS]
98
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:05,930
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
99
00:05:09,642 --> 00:05:10,977
Mr. Grossman's
office.
100
00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:14,939
MAN: Did you findthe book you wanted?
101
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:17,275
What? Who--
Who is this?
102
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:19,486
Look to your left.
103
00:05:19,527 --> 00:05:21,571
Actually,
y-your right.
104
00:05:21,613 --> 00:05:22,864
Surprise!
105
00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:25,200
Hey, what are you
doing here?
106
00:05:25,241 --> 00:05:26,951
Nothing. Just thought
I'd, uh, you know,
107
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:28,536
come down, see what
you're doing for lunch.
108
00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:30,580
It's 10 a.m.
109
00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:32,123
Yeah. When they say,
"express train,"
110
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,875
they--they really
mean it. Heh!
111
00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:35,794
But, uh,
how about brunch?
112
00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:37,420
Oh, honey,
I would love to,
113
00:05:37,462 --> 00:05:38,588
but I have
all this extra work
114
00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:39,881
I have to do
for Pruzan.
115
00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:41,508
All right,
well, then, uh--
116
00:05:41,549 --> 00:05:43,885
Say hello to my heinie,
'cause I'm out of here!
117
00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:45,720
No, no, no, no.
Honey, maybe I can, uh,
118
00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:46,971
sneak away for
a quick cup of coffee.
119
00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:48,181
No. No, no, no.
Hey, look, you're busy.
120
00:05:48,223 --> 00:05:49,891
That's cool.
You do your thang,
121
00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:52,060
'cause it'll give me
a chance to do my thangs.
122
00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:55,105
Heh. All right, bye then!
A-are you sure,
honey, it's OK?
123
00:05:55,146 --> 00:05:58,983
I'm positive.
It's all good! Grr!
124
00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:24,175
Hey!
Whoa!
125
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:26,803
Doug?! What are you
doing back here?
126
00:06:26,845 --> 00:06:28,430
Look what I have.
127
00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:31,891
You came back here
to show me
a Pinkie Ball?
128
00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:34,227
And have a catch.
Come on!
129
00:06:34,269 --> 00:06:36,479
Doug, would you--
What the hell
are you doing?
130
00:06:36,521 --> 00:06:38,732
Nothing! I just
thought I'd break up
a very busy day
131
00:06:38,773 --> 00:06:41,735
by visiting my wife.
Excuse me for living!
132
00:06:41,776 --> 00:06:43,153
Come here for a sec.
133
00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:45,613
Where we going?
What, we going
to the park?
134
00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:47,449
No, not the park.
135
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:50,952
Doug, you don't have
to put this act on for me.
136
00:06:50,994 --> 00:06:52,245
Act? What act?
137
00:06:52,287 --> 00:06:54,205
This whole
"I'm so happy" act.
138
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,124
Look, you've been
out of work for
a couple of weeks.
139
00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:59,836
It-It's--It's normal
for you to feel
a little lost...
140
00:06:59,878 --> 00:07:01,629
powerless...
141
00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:03,465
a little
emasculated.
142
00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:05,050
What are you
talking about?
143
00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:07,177
Well, all right.
Uh, for instance,
144
00:07:07,218 --> 00:07:08,928
what happened
last night? Ahem.
145
00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:10,638
What happened
last night?
146
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,974
When you couldn't...
147
00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:14,726
When I couldn't...
148
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:18,938
Oh! No, I wasn't trying
to doanything!
149
00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:22,442
I--I was climbing
over you for a tissue.
150
00:07:22,484 --> 00:07:24,861
[LAUGHING] You thought
I was--Oh, my--
151
00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:27,030
That's funny!
That's funny!
152
00:07:27,072 --> 00:07:30,325
OK, look.
You don't have
to overcompensate.
153
00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:32,118
Just talk to me.
154
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:33,328
I'm not overcompensating,
you know.
155
00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:35,163
I'm compensating
just the right amount!
156
00:07:35,205 --> 00:07:36,498
You know,
I came down here
157
00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:37,624
for a catch,
a simple catch.
158
00:07:37,665 --> 00:07:38,958
Apparently,
there's no catch.
159
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,753
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
I'll see you at home.
160
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:43,880
Good-bye.
161
00:07:58,770 --> 00:08:00,397
Walk away, Carrie.
162
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:09,823
Excuse me.
163
00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:12,117
I'm, uh, looking
for my sister...
Stephanie Heffernan.
164
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:13,702
She-she's
a gym teacher here.
165
00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:15,120
Wh-where
would I find her?
166
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:16,788
A gym teacher?
Yeah.
167
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,415
Try the gym.
168
00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:21,084
Thanks.
169
00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:24,671
Moron.
170
00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:27,465
All right, ladies,
listen up.
171
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,968
Listen up.
We're gonna play
Ultimate Dodge Ball.
172
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:31,761
4 teams, 4 balls.
173
00:08:31,803 --> 00:08:33,138
OK, captains...
174
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:36,766
Kaplan, Baylog,
Maggan, Spreckman.
175
00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:38,226
In a minute, we're
gonna chose up sides
176
00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:39,561
and pick a quadrant
for home base.
177
00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:41,604
Psst!
[WHISPERING] What?
178
00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:42,731
Can I talk to you?
179
00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:44,190
Yeah, in a minute,
just a minute.
180
00:08:44,232 --> 00:08:45,608
Now, here's
how we play
the game, guys.
181
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:48,862
All right, uh,
now, if your team
captures a player,
182
00:08:48,903 --> 00:08:50,155
that player
then plays
for that team
183
00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:51,740
and so on
and so forth.
184
00:08:51,781 --> 00:08:53,074
Now, the game
is over
185
00:08:53,116 --> 00:08:55,035
when one team
captures
all the players
186
00:08:55,076 --> 00:08:57,996
or when somebody
gets seriously hurt.
187
00:08:58,997 --> 00:09:01,374
Kidding!
188
00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:02,751
All right, now,
uh, as I said,
189
00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:04,252
no grabbing,
no pushing,
or tripping.
190
00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:05,712
If I see anybody
doing that,
191
00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:09,090
you'll be removed
from the game
immediately.
192
00:09:11,843 --> 00:09:13,136
All right, ladies,
193
00:09:13,178 --> 00:09:14,596
choose your sides.
194
00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:17,432
The game begins
on my whistle.
All right?
195
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:19,809
What are you
doing here?
196
00:09:19,851 --> 00:09:21,644
I just thought
I'd pop in,
197
00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:22,771
just feeling--
198
00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:25,774
Hey, somebody
has to pick Lenka!
199
00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:27,317
Sorry. What?
200
00:09:27,359 --> 00:09:28,985
Nothing. It's just
that the strike's
got me feeling--
201
00:09:29,027 --> 00:09:31,279
She is not retarded!
202
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:34,449
Ugh! I'm sorry,
you're feeling what?
203
00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:36,993
I just--I don't--
I don't know, maybe,
204
00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:39,746
a little, uh, emasculated.
205
00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:40,705
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
206
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:42,290
Right.
207
00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:45,335
Emasculated? Heh.
208
00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:47,295
Like, impotent?
No, shut up. No.
209
00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:48,630
Shut up.
210
00:09:48,672 --> 00:09:49,964
What? Tell me. Tell me.
211
00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:51,383
I just--I--I guess
the strike's
212
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:53,385
got me feeling
crappy, that's all.
213
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:55,804
It's natural.
You're used to going
to work in the morning.
214
00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:58,556
You've been
working steady
since you were what?
215
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,100
29.
216
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:04,854
Well, why don't you get
a part-time job
or something?
217
00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:06,231
Doing what?
GIRL: Ow!
218
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:09,943
It's OK!
Walk it off, Ferraro.
Walk it off.
219
00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:11,236
You know, they're
always looking
220
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:12,570
for substitute
teachers here.
221
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,406
Yeah, I'm gonna teach.
OK, yeah, that's good.
222
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:16,866
No, it's easy.
Any idiot can be
a substitute.
223
00:10:16,908 --> 00:10:19,994
Don't you need, like,
a college degree
or something?
224
00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:21,496
Oh, yeah. Heh!
225
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:23,206
You dropped out
of college, didn't you?
226
00:10:23,248 --> 00:10:25,959
Junior college,
and yes.
227
00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:27,252
Yeah, it's all right.
228
00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:28,503
You know, they are
so hard up here for subs,
229
00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:29,671
they never check.
230
00:10:29,713 --> 00:10:31,006
Really? I mean,
231
00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:32,674
I--I don't know,
maybe it could work.
Right?
232
00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:34,092
I--I am good
with kids.
233
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:35,552
You don't need to be.
234
00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:37,595
Just give them an assignment
and read the newspaper.
235
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,222
I love
the newspaper!
236
00:10:39,264 --> 00:10:41,808
All right,
get me in, Steph!
This is great, yeah!
237
00:10:47,605 --> 00:10:49,232
CARRIE: So let me
get this straight.
238
00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:51,443
Youare gonna teach
kids.
239
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:54,070
Yeah.
What are you
gonna teach them?
240
00:10:54,112 --> 00:10:55,447
Package delivery?
241
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:58,033
Noshing?
242
00:10:58,074 --> 00:10:59,993
[MOCK LAUGHTER]
243
00:11:00,035 --> 00:11:02,120
Shut it.
244
00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:05,081
I can't
believe you, Carrie.
245
00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:06,666
I mean, you're
going on and on
all week long--
246
00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:09,169
"Ooh! Oh, Doug,
you're overcompensating!
247
00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:10,378
"You're emasculated!
248
00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:11,629
"You're a limp
little Nancy boy
249
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,465
who can't satisfy
a woman!"
250
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,008
I never said that!
251
00:11:15,050 --> 00:11:18,553
A little thing
called body language.
252
00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:20,263
The point is
I--I finally
found something
253
00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:21,389
that's gonna
make me feel useful,
254
00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:23,558
a-and you crap
all over it.
255
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:25,935
All right,
you know what?
You're right.
256
00:11:25,977 --> 00:11:28,104
I--I shouldn't have
reacted like that.
257
00:11:28,146 --> 00:11:29,481
I-I'm sorry.
258
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:32,942
But teaching?
Yes, teaching!
259
00:11:32,984 --> 00:11:34,944
Is this because
I wouldn't have
a catch with you?
260
00:11:34,986 --> 00:11:36,321
OK, you know what?
Obviously, you don't get
261
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:38,448
what I'm
into right now.
262
00:11:38,490 --> 00:11:40,408
So why don't
you go back
to your little work?
263
00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:43,078
I've got
a lesson plan
to review.
264
00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:50,293
Douglas,
I couldn't help
overhearing.
265
00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:52,879
You're going to mold
young minds, eh?
266
00:11:52,921 --> 00:11:54,339
Yup.
267
00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:56,966
Joined
the teacher's union,
have you?
268
00:11:57,008 --> 00:11:58,385
Heh! No!
269
00:11:58,426 --> 00:12:01,638
What? You
pass yourself off
as a good union man,
270
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,014
and then you turn
around and scab?
271
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:05,100
I would slap you
right across
your face
272
00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:08,186
if I didn't think
you would, in turn,
floor me.
273
00:12:10,522 --> 00:12:12,482
Arthur, I'm not taking
anybody's job.
274
00:12:12,524 --> 00:12:14,067
I'm a substitute teacher.
275
00:12:14,109 --> 00:12:16,486
I'm just filling in while
another teacher's out sick.
276
00:12:16,528 --> 00:12:19,114
Whatever helps you
sleep at night,
you douche.
277
00:12:21,533 --> 00:12:24,744
["WELCOME BACK, KOTTER
THEME" PLAYING]
278
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,131
You have
a hall pass, boys?
279
00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:39,175
All right,
move it along.
Move it along.
280
00:12:44,055 --> 00:12:46,224
[SLURPING]
281
00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:02,073
Morning, everyone!
Morning.
282
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:04,242
Hi, I'm Doug
Heffernan.
283
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,369
How you doing?
I'm Doug.
284
00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:09,205
Taking over
for Mr. Briley,
teaching his class.
285
00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:11,374
DOUG: Ahem.
286
00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:14,252
Ed-u-ca-shion!
287
00:13:15,754 --> 00:13:18,548
All right,
I guess I'll just,
uh, plunk down here
288
00:13:18,590 --> 00:13:20,759
until second period.
289
00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:31,519
Hey, you mind if I--
290
00:13:31,561 --> 00:13:34,773
All right. I'll bring
2 packs tomorrow.
291
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:41,279
Mm!
292
00:13:42,072 --> 00:13:44,115
That's a good smoke
right there.
293
00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:45,575
Good smoke. Whoo!
294
00:13:45,617 --> 00:13:48,870
Teaching the kids.
295
00:13:48,912 --> 00:13:50,747
Shaping their futures,
that's what we're doing.
296
00:13:50,789 --> 00:13:52,415
Really,
you think about it,
297
00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:54,292
they're--they're
the clay, you know.
298
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:55,377
We're the sculptor.
299
00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:56,586
It's our job
to mold 'em.
300
00:13:56,628 --> 00:13:57,837
Mold 'em! Heh heh!
301
00:13:57,879 --> 00:13:58,880
Just don't
mold them too much.
302
00:13:58,922 --> 00:14:00,757
You get in trouble
for that!
303
00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:03,927
Because the mind
is a terrible thing
to waste--
304
00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:06,429
-Will you shut up?
-Yes, I will.
305
00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:08,390
[BELL RINGS]
306
00:14:09,474 --> 00:14:12,310
[STUDENTS CHATTERING]
307
00:14:15,397 --> 00:14:16,648
Good morning, class.
Good morning.
308
00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:18,775
Could everybody
please find a seat?
309
00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:20,985
Find a seat,
thank you very much.
310
00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:24,114
OK, everybody
find a seat.
311
00:14:24,155 --> 00:14:25,281
Well, good morning.
312
00:14:25,323 --> 00:14:28,201
I am Mr...
313
00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:34,082
Heffernan.
314
00:14:39,337 --> 00:14:41,923
OK? Alrighty.
315
00:14:41,965 --> 00:14:44,634
So, uh, if you feel
comfortable enough with me,
316
00:14:44,676 --> 00:14:46,553
you can call me Mr. H.
317
00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:48,847
[STAPLER GOES OFF]
318
00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:51,766
OK, uh, well,
319
00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:53,977
Mr. Briley has left
an assignment for you.
320
00:14:54,019 --> 00:14:55,645
Uh, in your
textbooks...
321
00:14:55,687 --> 00:14:58,273
"America: From Colonyto Country,
322
00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:00,275
A Dream Realized."
323
00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:02,902
He wants you guys
to, uh, read chapters 3 and 4
324
00:15:02,944 --> 00:15:05,447
about the First
Continental Congress
325
00:15:05,488 --> 00:15:06,573
and summarize.
326
00:15:06,614 --> 00:15:08,158
Now, if there are
no questions,
327
00:15:08,199 --> 00:15:11,369
everybody can please begin.
Heh heh!
328
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:13,538
Ahem!
329
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:15,290
Uh, yes,
boy raising
his hand?
330
00:15:15,331 --> 00:15:18,168
We did
that assignment
yesterday.
331
00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:19,461
Y-You did?
332
00:15:19,502 --> 00:15:20,503
Yeah.
333
00:15:20,545 --> 00:15:22,297
Uh...
334
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:26,343
Mr. Briley has it
down here for today.
335
00:15:26,384 --> 00:15:28,219
Well, we did it.
I mean, you can test us
336
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:29,596
on it if you want to.
337
00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:32,766
Uh, no, that, uh,
that won't be necessary.
338
00:15:32,807 --> 00:15:35,352
OK. So what do we do?
339
00:15:35,393 --> 00:15:38,521
Um...OK, got it! Uh--
340
00:15:38,563 --> 00:15:40,190
Everybody break up
into pairs.
341
00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:42,776
Find a buddy.
Find a buddy, everybody.
342
00:15:44,361 --> 00:15:45,695
And do what?
343
00:15:45,737 --> 00:15:48,531
I'm gonna need you
to raise your hand.
344
00:15:48,573 --> 00:15:51,159
Yes?
And do what?
345
00:15:51,201 --> 00:15:53,536
Um...
346
00:15:53,578 --> 00:15:56,081
re-read chapters
chapters 3 and 4--
347
00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:59,000
this time, together,
alternating.
348
00:15:59,834 --> 00:16:02,045
Are you even
a real teacher?
349
00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:03,505
Hand.
350
00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:05,048
Yes?
351
00:16:05,090 --> 00:16:07,050
Are you even
a real teacher?
352
00:16:07,092 --> 00:16:10,053
Yes, I'm--
I'm Mr. Heffernan.
353
00:16:13,264 --> 00:16:14,391
Yes?
354
00:16:14,432 --> 00:16:16,017
Where did you
go to school?
355
00:16:16,059 --> 00:16:17,977
I, uh, attended, uh,
356
00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:21,439
the Nassau
Community College
of Teaching Arts
357
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:24,192
and Substitution.
358
00:16:25,443 --> 00:16:27,112
[COUGHS]
Fat ass!
359
00:16:30,865 --> 00:16:32,242
W-what was that?
360
00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:33,535
[COUGHS]
361
00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:34,703
O-OK, you know what, kids?
362
00:16:34,744 --> 00:16:36,121
I think we all
need a time-out.
363
00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:39,874
OK, everybody,
heads on desk.
364
00:16:39,916 --> 00:16:43,211
Why don't we put
our heads on the desk?
365
00:16:44,129 --> 00:16:45,880
Everybody, heads--
You know what?
366
00:16:45,922 --> 00:16:47,257
Fine. You don't
have to do it,
367
00:16:47,298 --> 00:16:49,884
but you're only hurting
yourselves.
368
00:16:52,053 --> 00:16:55,515
I don't know.
Maybe I should change
my teaching method.
369
00:16:55,557 --> 00:16:56,683
Maybe the key is to--
370
00:16:56,725 --> 00:16:58,101
to reach out
to these kids, you know,
371
00:16:58,143 --> 00:17:00,645
get your hands dirty,
let them know you care.
372
00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:02,355
Will you stop playing
with the cones?
373
00:17:02,397 --> 00:17:03,565
They're in intervals.
374
00:17:03,606 --> 00:17:05,108
Oops.
375
00:17:05,150 --> 00:17:07,277
Look, Doug, relax.
You're a sub.
376
00:17:07,318 --> 00:17:09,320
Your only job
is to make sure that
nobody kills anybody,
377
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:11,865
and even if they do,
not your baggage.
378
00:17:11,906 --> 00:17:12,949
Well, you know,
I don't accept that.
379
00:17:12,991 --> 00:17:14,951
This is my job now.
380
00:17:14,993 --> 00:17:17,037
I gotta get through
to these kids.
381
00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:19,164
STEPHANIE:
Whatever!
382
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,461
[HAND BELL RINGING]
383
00:17:24,502 --> 00:17:28,298
Hear ye, hear ye!
384
00:17:28,340 --> 00:17:32,302
All right. The First
Continental Congress
is now in session.
385
00:17:32,344 --> 00:17:33,845
OK...
386
00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:35,638
Well, now that I have
your attention,
387
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:37,057
let's see
what we can learn
388
00:17:37,098 --> 00:17:39,392
about the fathers
of our country, huh?
389
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:45,982
OK, you just
got yourself a zero
for the day, mister!
390
00:17:46,024 --> 00:17:47,317
You can't
give us zeros.
391
00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:48,985
Oh, no? I can't?
Well, now you got 2!
392
00:17:49,027 --> 00:17:51,613
You wanna try for 3?
'Cause I'll give you 3!
393
00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:53,239
What a clown!
394
00:17:53,281 --> 00:17:55,283
Oh, I'm a clown?
Well, laugh at this!
395
00:17:55,325 --> 00:17:57,369
You just earned yourself
a week's suspension!
396
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:58,536
What?!
Good-bye!
397
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:02,248
No, you can't--
Good day, sir!
398
00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:04,751
You don't have the power
399
00:18:04,793 --> 00:18:07,128
to suspend anybody.
400
00:18:08,505 --> 00:18:11,007
And you certainly
don't have the power
401
00:18:11,049 --> 00:18:12,884
to leave anyone
back a grade.
402
00:18:15,011 --> 00:18:18,473
I now know that
for next time.
403
00:18:18,515 --> 00:18:19,599
Stephanie...
404
00:18:19,641 --> 00:18:22,018
didn't you vouch
for his qualifications?
405
00:18:22,060 --> 00:18:24,604
Yes, and I was
misled.
406
00:18:25,814 --> 00:18:27,524
I apologize.
407
00:18:27,565 --> 00:18:29,567
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
408
00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:31,152
Excuse me.
409
00:18:31,194 --> 00:18:32,445
You are
such an idiot.
410
00:18:32,487 --> 00:18:33,488
Shut up!
411
00:18:33,530 --> 00:18:34,447
You shut up!
You shut up!
412
00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:36,533
Ow!
Ow!
413
00:18:48,962 --> 00:18:50,880
[IMITATES
FARTING]
414
00:18:50,922 --> 00:18:54,551
[STUDENTS LAUGHING]
415
00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:56,594
Hey, later!
416
00:18:59,097 --> 00:19:00,515
At it again, darling?
417
00:19:00,557 --> 00:19:03,351
Yes, I'm doing
more research for free.
418
00:19:03,393 --> 00:19:06,021
This one's a case involving
Chinese refugees
419
00:19:06,062 --> 00:19:07,605
who are being smuggled
into the country
420
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:09,024
as prostitutes and slaves.
421
00:19:09,065 --> 00:19:11,234
Wow, they saw you comin'.
422
00:19:13,695 --> 00:19:17,032
Ah, there he is.
Mr. Chips.
423
00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:19,159
You know what,
Arthur?
424
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:21,244
Last thing I need now
is a fat joke.
425
00:19:21,286 --> 00:19:24,622
Mr. Chips
is a fictional
teacher.
426
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:27,417
Your ignorance
is appalling.
427
00:19:30,211 --> 00:19:32,047
So, how was
school today?
428
00:19:32,088 --> 00:19:33,965
I was expelled.
429
00:19:34,007 --> 00:19:35,091
Oh, I'm sorry.
430
00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:36,593
Eh! On the upside,
431
00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:38,094
I know where
there's a great
make-out party
432
00:19:38,136 --> 00:19:40,597
on Saturday night.
433
00:19:40,638 --> 00:19:42,057
Damn it!
434
00:19:42,098 --> 00:19:44,184
I wish this
stupid strike
would end.
435
00:19:44,225 --> 00:19:45,727
All I wanna do
is just get up
in the morning,
436
00:19:45,769 --> 00:19:48,772
put on my shorts,
and feel like
a man again.
437
00:19:48,813 --> 00:19:50,357
The strike will end
soon, honey.
438
00:19:50,398 --> 00:19:51,858
You just gotta
hang in there.
439
00:19:51,900 --> 00:19:53,234
It's just not easy.
440
00:19:53,276 --> 00:19:54,736
I know,
but that's why
441
00:19:54,778 --> 00:19:55,945
I've been trying
to tell you, Doug,
442
00:19:55,987 --> 00:19:57,614
you have to talk
to me when you're--
443
00:19:57,655 --> 00:20:01,534
when you're
feeling bad. I mean,
I'm here for you.
444
00:20:01,576 --> 00:20:02,952
I know.
It's just--
445
00:20:02,994 --> 00:20:04,579
It's hard to talk to you
about stuff like this.
446
00:20:04,621 --> 00:20:07,165
I'm your wife!
Exactly! You're my wife,
447
00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:09,042
and I want to be
strong for you. I--
448
00:20:09,084 --> 00:20:10,960
I wanna bring home
a paycheck to you.
449
00:20:11,002 --> 00:20:12,337
I wanna open
jars for you.
450
00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:15,048
I wanna lift
a car off of you.
451
00:20:15,090 --> 00:20:17,258
All right, you had me
until the car thing.
452
00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:19,135
You know what I mean.
I do. I do.
453
00:20:19,177 --> 00:20:22,472
And you are
all those things
to me, you know?
454
00:20:22,514 --> 00:20:25,767
I--I love you.
I feel so safe
with you.
455
00:20:25,809 --> 00:20:26,893
You do?
456
00:20:26,935 --> 00:20:28,895
Yes! Not because
you're a big guy
457
00:20:28,937 --> 00:20:30,814
or you--you have
a job, but...
458
00:20:30,855 --> 00:20:33,441
because
of the person
you are.
459
00:20:33,483 --> 00:20:35,944
You're a man.
You're a strong,
460
00:20:35,985 --> 00:20:38,071
virile man.
461
00:20:39,030 --> 00:20:40,532
What is that?
Powder?
462
00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:44,285
Yes, I was--
I was wearing
a wig today.
463
00:20:44,327 --> 00:20:45,995
Ah!
464
00:20:46,037 --> 00:20:48,998
As long
as we're talking,
465
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:51,960
I wanna tell you
that, uh...
466
00:20:52,002 --> 00:20:53,253
the other night, I--
467
00:20:53,294 --> 00:20:56,047
I wasn't reaching
for a tissue.
468
00:20:56,089 --> 00:20:57,340
I know.
469
00:20:57,382 --> 00:20:59,009
I know you know.
I just wanted
470
00:20:59,050 --> 00:21:00,885
to be a man
and own up to it.
471
00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:03,013
Well, that's good.
472
00:21:03,054 --> 00:21:06,182
So, do you wanna--
You wanna go
upstairs
473
00:21:06,224 --> 00:21:07,892
and give it
another try?
474
00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:09,894
Y-you mean right now?
475
00:21:09,936 --> 00:21:11,813
Before the strike's over?
476
00:21:11,855 --> 00:21:14,566
Well, yeah, but only
if you want to.
477
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:16,109
A-all right,
all right.
478
00:21:16,151 --> 00:21:18,153
OK, let's go!
479
00:21:18,194 --> 00:21:21,281
All right!
Heh heh! Mmm!
480
00:21:21,322 --> 00:21:23,491
But you know what?
Hold up a sec.
481
00:21:23,533 --> 00:21:25,076
What's that for?
482
00:21:25,118 --> 00:21:27,746
Plan B. Just in case
things don't work out.
483
00:21:36,713 --> 00:21:38,798
* For closing books *
484
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:44,804
* And long last looksmust end *
485
00:21:46,306 --> 00:21:50,727
* And as I leave *
486
00:21:50,769 --> 00:21:54,773
* I know that I am leaving *
487
00:21:54,814 --> 00:21:58,777
* My best friend *
488
00:21:58,818 --> 00:22:05,658
* To sir, with love *
489
00:22:06,534 --> 00:22:09,704
[**]
33975
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