All language subtitles for The King of Queens - S03E04 - Class Struggle WEBDL-1080p_track3_[eng]

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

[RING]
DOUG: I'm coming!

Yeah, hello?

Hey, it's me, Steph.
Are you OK?

Yeah, just, uh,
ran for the phone.

Oh, well, you'll
be glad you did,
'cause guess what?

Are you sure
you're all right?

No, no. Let's give
it another minute
before we panic.

Well, assuming
you don't drop,

how would you like
to go with me tonight

to the Ranger game?

You got tickets?

Hey, I'm in the sports biz.

You teach gym.

Do you want
to go or not?

I want to go,
but I--I can't.

I promised Carrie
we'd rent a movie
tonight.

Come on. I've only
been back in town a month,

and we've hardly
seen each other.

Don't you want
to do a little
brother-sister bonding?

Where are the seats?

They're in the Garden.
That's all you need to know.

No, I--I can't.
I can't.

I--I blew Carrie off
the last few movie
nights.

This one could
impact my sex life.

I mean,
I'll get the basics,
but no extras.

[BEEPING]
Hold on a second.

I'm getting
another call.

Yeah, hello?

Hey, hon, it's me.
Um, big favor.

You know Laura-Beth,
that lawyer I'm friendly with?

Yeah.

Well, she invited me
out to dinner

with her and, um,
a couple of her friends,

and I just wanted
to know if it was OK
if I missed movie night.

Well, I already rented
Girl, Interrupted.

I--I got it right here.
This is...

Oh, come on, hon.
I really want to go.

You know,
"girls night out."

I could make
some new friends,

or just friends,
period.

Go, go.
Have--have fun.

Oh, really?
You're the best, honey.
I love you.

OK, are we through?
'Cause I'm on
the other line.

All right. I'll see you
around 10:00. Bye.

Good news-- Carrie's
going out with some lesbians.

* Happy birthday,
dear Lisa *

* Happy birthday to you *

Yay, thank you.

Thank you, thank you.
Lovely voices.
All of you, really.

I hope you all die.

Aah.

Especially you.
You're new.

You should
be nicer.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Too much peer pressure.

I caved. I did. Yeah.
Clearly.

Come on.
Don't be like that
on your birthday.

It is not my birthday!

WOMAN: Shh.
Don't make us
pay for the cake.

All right, I give up.
Happy 27th to me.

There you go.
27? I'm sorry,

did you sleep
through your last
5 birthdays?

Well, I wouldn't mind
jumping ahead a few years.

Then I wouldn't have
to go to my Barnard
reunion next week.

You're going
to a reunion next week,

and you're eating
fudge cake?

Gutsy. I like that.

I can't wait to go
to my college reunion.

No, no, really.
I just made partner,

I just got married,
and I could crack

a walnut with my ass.
Okay!

Great time for a reunion, baby!

Or a bad time
if you're a walnut.

Carrie, have you gone
to your reunion yet?

Oh, uh, actually,
I--I didn't
graduate. So...

What? No, wait,
I, uh, I thought
you were a lawyer.

Me? No, no, no.
I'm a secretary.

Like, the best secretary
at the firm.

Oh, thank you.

Oh.
Oh. Wow.

Cool.
Yeah, hey,

and I hear
Secretaries Week
is coming up soon,

so that will
be good, right?
Yeah.

Oh, my God,
I totally forgot
to tell you...

Hey. Hey, funny thing.

Right after you called,
Stephanie called
with Ranger tickets.

Huh? Whoo.
Talk about meant to be.

I mean, I know
we're all God's children,

but sometimes I think
he likes me extra special.

So, how was
ladies night out, huh?

What'd you--
Did you talk tampons, huh?

Do you hate men now?

[CRYING]

OK, what--What--
What's happening?

I was having
a great time.

I mean, I'm, like,
finally hanging out
with women

who didn't annoy
the crap out of me,
you know,

and I was, like,
totally "on," you know?

I--I was funny
and--and--and--
and charming--

It sounds good--

Let me finish!

You always interrupt me!
Let me finish!

OK.

And then--And then
they started

talking about college
reunions, you know,

and then they
asked me about mine,

and I said,
"Oh, I didn't graduate,"

and they said,
"Oh, but we thought
you were a lawyer,"

and I said,
"No, I'm a secretary,"

and they were, like,
"Oh, it's Secretaries Week."

You love
Secretaries Week.

[CRYING]
OK, OK. OK.
All right. OK.

OK, shh. It's OK.

And I'm just as smart
as they are!

Yes, you are.
Yes, you are.

I know you are, baby.
OK. It's OK.

Rangers won. It's OK. OK.

Come on,
take a deep breath.

[BREATHES DEEPLY]
There you go.

There you go. OK?

Hey, you know
what cheers me up

when I'm feeling sad?

A snack?

There you go.
You feelin' better?

Not really.

The milk's gone bad.

I could've been like them,
I really could've.

I could've had a,
a Palm Pilot, you know,

and be going
to my college reunion,

but no, I had to drop out

when my mom died
to get a job.

Good goin', Carrie.

Let me tell you something
about fancy book learnings.

You, little lady, got
something much better.

They call it
street smarts.

Yeah, great.
It's true.

Like when we're on the subway
and some guy comes up to you

asking for money
and you pretend to be deaf.

You can't learn
that stuff in school.

Look, I'm just
gonna go to bed.

I've got a full day
of coffee pouring

and phone answering ahead
of me, I want to be sharp.

Thanks for trying
to cheer me up.

You're very sweet.

[SIGHS]

[SNORING]

Doug, wake up.

Everybody off.

It's important.

What is it?

I'm gonna
go back to school.

OK.

Doug!

What?

I'm gonna finish school,

get a diploma,
and get a better job.

I have to pee.

I have my old course guide
in the closet.

I could pick out
my entire semester tonight.

You see,
I've been lying there,

going over the whole
thing in my mind--

how I screwed up
my life and everything--

and then it just hit me.
Fix it, you idiot!

All right, can--
Can we talk
about this later?

But I'm so excited.
Aren't you excited for me?

Don't hug me now!

Aah. I just did
everything possible
to avoid light.

Sorry.

Me, too.
I think I splashed
your bath salts.

You're really serious?
You want to go
to school again?

Yes. I can--
I can do this, Doug.

I know you can do it,
it's just...

So, are you gonna
quit your job?

No, I'll still work.
I'll just go to school
at night.

Well, when would
I see you?

I'll make time.

Plus, I won't
be sad anymore.

I'll be happy.
You see?

OK, so you can finish
college. Then what?

I don't know.
Maybe, uh, go
to law school?

Oh, this is spinning
totally out of control.

OK, could you try
even being a little
supportive?

Well, I'm sorry,
Carrie, but you know,

you're throwing
a lot at me here
out of nowhere.

It's not
out of nowhere.

It's always bothered me
that I didn't finish school.

Tonight, you know,

it gave me
a kick in the pants
that I needed.

Get thicker pants.

Stop.

Well, what am
I supposed to do

when you're at
your homecoming dances
and your pep rallies?

Hey, I'm not going
to Rydell High...

and you could
take up a hobby.

What about the guitar
you made me buy you

that's still
in the closet?

You could learn
to play that.

That sounds like
a lot of effort
on my part.

Come on, honey.
Let me go to school.

I'll wear a uniform.

OK, fine.
Go to school.

I love you, I love you.
Mmm. I love you.
Great.

Mmm...hey.

Off till the morning!
All right!

Wow. Still
studying, huh?

Yep. Queens College
for knowledge, baby.

You, uh, how you doing?

Oh, I'm a little
stressed.

This philosophy
paper's due

Tuesday, 9:00 a.m.,

and the professor
said if it's not
in on time,

it's fish wrap.

Well, been
pretty busy myself.

Wrote a little song.

You wrote a song?
Mm-hmm.

That's good progress
in only one week.

Want to hear it?
I think I need to, yes.

Alrighty then,
here we go.

* Doug and Carrie,
Doug and Carrie *

* Doug and Carrie,
Doug and Carrie *

* Doug and Carrie,
Doug and Carrie *

* Doug and Carrie,
Doug and Carrie *

* Arthur, Arthur,
Arthur, Arthur *

* Arthur, Arthur,
Arthur, Arthur *

* Doug and Carrie,
Doug and Carrie *

OK, that is really good.
That is good.
That's good.

I didn't get
to the bridge yet.
That's OK.

It gives me something
to look forward to.

OK.
OK, then.

[CLEARS THROAT]

[SIGHS]

So, you want
to go for pizza?

Honey, I can't,
you know?

I'm a little
under the gun here.

What am I supposed to do?
I don't know,

play your guitar.

I already did that.

I wrote a song.

Yeah, Doug.
Come on,

I am under
a lot of pressure,

OK, and I'm starting
to get a headache,
so please--

A headache?
Well, you know what?

Sounds like a little pizza's
what you need, then.

Doug, stop it!
Now, come on,

you know how important
this is to me.

OK, yeah.
I also know

that you promised me
that you'd make time for me.

See, I knew
this would happen.

OK, so I underestimated

how hard
this was gonna be.

All right? Just cut me
a break here.

You're--You're
not really that upset

because I can't
go for pizza, are you?

Because you haven't
gone out for pizza in days.

I don't even
know you anymore.

It's obvious
I am not gonna get
any work done here,

so if you need me,
I will be at the library.

Believe me,
I won't need you.

I'll be too busy here
gettin' my groove on.

Great.

[TO SAME CHORDS]
* Doug and pizza,
Doug and pizza *

* Doug and pizza,
Doug and pizza *

* Toppings, toppings,
toppings, toppings,
toppings, toppings *

Wow, you go away
for a few years,

and they totally revamp
the menu on you.

So you gonna get something?

No, I can't. I used up
all my fat points
for the day.

My God!
The chicken strips
sound incredible!

What-what are they,
lightly breaded?

I'll bet they're
lightly breaded, right?

Yeah, I guess they are, yep.
Oh!

What kind of dipping sauce
are we talking about?

Honey mustard.
Oh, that's so perfect!

Will you just
get them already?

I can't!
I'm dieting!

But if you get
the wings, I'll
pick at them.

You're not gonna
pick at them.

I'll come back
from the bathroom,

there'll be chicken
bones everywhere,

and you'll be huddled
in the corner, crying.

Ah! That is so not true.

I've been very disciplined.

You know that
I've lost weight,

and you haven't
even told me
how good I look.

What do you want me to say?

"Hey, sis!
Great ass!"

Really? Great how?

All right. I gotta get
out of here by 9:00.

I want to try to grab
a few minutes with Carrie

before she starts
to work on her paper.

How sad is that?
I'm married to a person
who does homework.

Are you about
to go on another rant
about this?

Just warn me
so I can fling myself
into traffic.

Well, I'm sorry,
but it's unnatural,
you know?

A grown woman in school,

it's like a 40-year-old guy
with braces.

What are you...
Don't look at me
like that.

What? You want to
know what I think?
No!

I think you're
intimidated by it.

OK. What'd you
get stuck on,
the "n" or the "o"?

Too bad. It's true.

She wants
to finish college,

and you
are petrified

that it means she'll
leave you behind.

What? OK, first of all,
I'm a teamster.
I don't petrify.

Second of all, that's
the stupidest thing
I've ever heard.

Fine.

And what if I was
afraid of that, huh?

No, really.
Think about it.

She aces this class, right?
Finishes college,

then goes to law school.
Where does that leave us?

We're having dinner,

she's telling me
about the guy she saved
from the electric chair,

and I'm like,
"Oh, yeah? Really?

I just got a new
beaded truck seat."

You know,
instead of thinking

about yourself
for 5 minutes,

why don't you start
thinking about her?

You know,
all she's trying to do

is accomplish something

to feel better
about her life.

Instead of bitching,
maybe you could

throw her
a little support, hmm?

You're fat.

What I'm saying is

I think Plato's
careful organization
of his dialogues

is only one of a lot
of devices he used
to make his point.

You mean, like,
even the setting

and the names
of the characters

is a deliberate
choice he made?

Absolutely!

[THINKING]
Come on, Car!

You can only sit here

with this dumb smile
on your face for so long.

Say something halfway
intelligent here.

Problem is, Plato
took great care

not to leave
any obvious tracks

of the plans
of his dialogues.

Right?
Totally.

That's true.
That is why,
as I see it...

[THINKING]
Ugh! I'm such an idiot!

Come on, Carrie,
you're letting

Miss Perky Breasts here
show you up.

Look at her,
with her perky breasts!

Think of
something smart to say.

He was
a very tricky fellow...

* Doug and Carrie *

* Doug and Carrie *

* Doug and Carrie
Doug and Car-- *

Oh, my God, not now,
not this damn song now!

Focus.
You must have

one good thing to say
about this Plato guy.

You've been reading
about him for two weeks.

Of course, that's with
working 10 hours a day

and trying to care for my dad

and trying to keep
a marriage intact.

Oh, but Perky Breasts
doesn't have to deal

with any of that.

Or Scraggle Beard.

Oh, Perky Breasts
and Scraggle Beard,

sounds like a new cop show.

"Help! Scraggle Beard!
I'm hit!"

What do you think,
Carrie?

Um, I can't help
but wonder, you know,

was Plato really
a student of Socrates

or was he, in many ways,
a student of himself, hmm?

Yeah. We just
wanted to know

if you were
in the mood
for Chinese.

Totally.

Oh, hi!
You're home! Good!
Hey.

Listen.
We need to talk.

Yes. We definitely
need to talk.
Good.

I don't want
school to come
between us anymore.

I know! I know!
Me, neither!
This is great!

Good! That's why
I decided I'm gonna quit!

Quit?
Yes! Doug, you don't
like me being there.

It's making us argue,
so that's it! I'm gone!

I was just gonna say that
you should stay in school

and that I should
be more supportive.

I had a little speech
planned

that was gonna lead
to great make-up sex.

You're ruining it!

Doug! No, no, no!
You got it backwards.

You see, I got caught up

in this whole
stupid school thing

that I wasn't being
supportive of you!

Like with that great
"Doug and Carrie" song,

which, by the way,

has grown on me
like nobody's business!

So, you're
doing this for me?

Yes. Turn up your
Miracle Ear, Corky.
For you!

I don't want you
to do it for me.

Well, too bad!
I'm doing it for you!

Well, then don't do it!
Doug, I am doing it.

You have no say
in the matter!

Why are you
fighting me on this?

Because I can't read!

I mean, I can read.
Not that.

It's just that
I don't understand

what the hell it is
that I'm reading.

Why not?

Doug, I cannot
wrap my brain

around all this,
you know?

It's like, I'm
supposed to turn in
a 10-page paper

on "The Allegory
of the Cave,"

and I'm still
struggling with
the concept

of 2 Darrins
on Bewitched.

That's it!

I thought I was
smart enough,
but I'm not.

That's crazy, Carrie!
You are smart.

Aw! You're just saying
that because you're
married to me.

Hey! I wouldn't
have married you
in the first place

if you
weren't so smart.

Really?

Actually, I probably
would have. I was
pretty horny then.

Come on!
You can't quit now!

Yes, I can!

No, you can't!
Now, come on!

We're going back
to the library,

and we're gonna
stay there

as long as it
takes for you to
write the paper

we both know
you can write,

and if that
doesn't work,

we'll just buy one
on the Internet.

Just remember,
I'm here for you.

Your job is to
work on the paper.

I take care
of all else...

food, waste,
et cetera.

OK, but I'll take care
of my own waste, though.

It's your call.

Oh, man!
There's a woman on
the microfilm machine,

and it's
the only one, too.

OK, you see? This is where
having a manager pays off.

Now, you just go
sharpen your pencil,

and I'll take care of her.

Mmm! Wow!
God bless America!

Tuna in
a vending machine!

What's next,
hovercrafts?

You still on this?
You gonna be
on this long?

Yes. I have quite
a bit of work to do.

Ah! Gotcha!

No problem.
I'll wait.

Mmm! Wow! Dinosaurs!
Interesting stuff!

Tyrannosaurus rex, man.
Whoo!

He's a big fella.

Betcha he had a nice
size ding-a-ling, huh?

Too bad his arms were
too short to get a go
at it, though, right?

I...

I'm strainin'!

I-I-I've got to go.

OK. You have
a nice day now, OK?

All right.

Carrie! Carrie!

Plato!

Come on!
You can't sleep now!
What are you doing?

Oh! Where
did you go?

I went home
to get ready for work.

Did you finish
the paper?

Uh, well, let me see.

"Plato was
a wrgn frtta..."

Oh, my God!

My head must have
fallen on the keyboard.

Look. Slap a period
on it, and let's
blow this clambake.

Come on! It's due in...
Oh, my God! 10 minutes!

What? Doug, I still
have to print it out,

and his office
is all the way

on the other
side of campus.

We'll never make it!

Yes, we will!
No, we won't!

Hey! You listen
to me, missy!

I may not be
good at much
in this life,

but I am good
at one thing...

getting packages to
where they're going
on time every time.

Overnight service
available

in the continental
United States.
No Sunday delivery.

For more information,
go to www.ips.net.

I had coffee.

CHILDREN: * Cinderella,
dressed in yellow *

* Went upstairs to
kiss a fellow, then the... *

[GIRL SHRIEKS]

Come on!

OK!

We're gonna make it,
aren't we?

Yeah! We gotta hurry!

[CARRIE YELPS]

Oh, my God!
Are you all right?

I was fine until
the phone landed on me.

Go! Just go!

[GROANS IN PAIN]
Oh, boy.

DOUG: OK, everyone.

Most of you know me
as your drinking,
dart-playing,

slightly mysterious Doug.

Tonight, meet thoughtful
poet with a message Doug.

Whatever.
Aw, screw y'all.

This one,
I'm dedicatin' to my baby

to prove that not only
does she have the looks
in this relationship,

but she's also
got the brains

by acing her college paper
with a C-minus.

[CROWD APPLAUDS]

No, no, no.
The wings are
hers, but, uh...

she needs
dipping sauce.

All right, Car,
I made this one
for you.

It's called
"Love Will Keep Us Together".

[CLEARS THROAT]

[OFF-KEY]
* Love *

* Love will keep us... *

* Togeth... *

* Toget...toget... *

* Doug and Carrie,
Doug and Carrie *

* Doug and Carrie,
Doug and Carrie *

* Doug and Carrie,
Doug and Carrie *

* Arthur, Arthur,
Arthur, Arthur *

* Arthur, Arthur,
Arthur, Arthur *

* Doug and Carrie,
Doug and Carrie *

* Doug and Carrie,
Doug and Carrie *

* Doug and Carrie! *