Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,502 --> 00:00:05,338
[**]
2
00:00:06,631 --> 00:00:07,757
Hey there.
3
00:00:07,799 --> 00:00:09,175
Hey, sweetie,
how was work?
4
00:00:09,217 --> 00:00:11,052
Well, let's just say
that a lot of packages
5
00:00:11,094 --> 00:00:13,013
are in different places
than they were this morning.
6
00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:14,556
It's what I do.
7
00:00:15,348 --> 00:00:16,891
Hi. What do you
got there?
8
00:00:16,933 --> 00:00:20,687
CD. Apparently
Bon Jovi is back.
9
00:00:20,729 --> 00:00:22,022
Hmm...
10
00:00:22,063 --> 00:00:23,815
Oh, he looks cute.
11
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:25,692
I'd still do him.
12
00:00:26,943 --> 00:00:29,529
-Put it on.
-You got it. Comin' up.
13
00:00:50,592 --> 00:00:52,052
Just pull the tab.
14
00:00:52,093 --> 00:00:53,386
I don't--
I don't see a tab.
15
00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:55,138
Well, there's a tab--
that red plastic thing.
16
00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:57,599
OK, that's not on this,
that's on gum.
17
00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:01,895
Here we go.
Here we go.
18
00:01:01,936 --> 00:01:04,064
There we go.
19
00:01:04,105 --> 00:01:05,690
Yeah.
20
00:01:06,941 --> 00:01:08,777
A little Jovi, comin' up.
21
00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:14,908
Honey, you know, give me
something sharp, now.
22
00:01:14,949 --> 00:01:18,119
Here. I just got
some new scissors.
23
00:01:23,416 --> 00:01:26,419
* My eyesare gettin' weary *
24
00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:29,047
* My back is gettin' tight *
25
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:30,674
* I'm sittin' herein traffic *
26
00:01:30,715 --> 00:01:33,677
* On the Queensboro Bridgetonight *
27
00:01:33,718 --> 00:01:39,474
* But I don't care,'cause all I want to do *
28
00:01:39,516 --> 00:01:43,311
* Is cash my check and driveright home to you *
29
00:01:45,146 --> 00:01:46,690
* 'Cause, baby,all my life *
30
00:01:46,731 --> 00:01:50,443
* I will be drivin' hometo you *
31
00:02:00,704 --> 00:02:02,038
Here you go, darling.
32
00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:04,249
I finished the book
you loaned me.
33
00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:06,626
Tuesdays with Morrie.
34
00:02:06,668 --> 00:02:08,003
Dad, I didn't
loan this to you.
35
00:02:08,044 --> 00:02:11,047
I bought this for
someone as a gift.
36
00:02:11,089 --> 00:02:15,051
That might explain why
it was in your drawer in a bag.
37
00:02:15,093 --> 00:02:17,595
Oh, well, there it is,
good as new. Wrap it up.
38
00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:19,514
There are pages
ripped out.
39
00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:21,808
Well, I'm sorry.
I was aggravated.
40
00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:24,185
Morrie's dying and
this young man visits him,
41
00:02:24,227 --> 00:02:27,480
brings him food, tucks
a blanket under his legs,
42
00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:28,732
writes down
all his insights--
43
00:02:28,773 --> 00:02:31,568
Made my stomach turn!
44
00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:33,778
Why?
45
00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:36,322
I've mentored many
young men in my time.
46
00:02:36,364 --> 00:02:37,532
Not a single one
has come by
47
00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:40,744
to chronicle my wisdom.
Not one!
48
00:02:40,785 --> 00:02:42,537
Who have you mentored?
49
00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:43,830
Many young men!
50
00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:45,290
OK, got it.
Take a step back.
51
00:02:45,331 --> 00:02:46,833
There you go.
52
00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:49,544
Darling, I had an idea.
53
00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:52,297
How would you like to
jot down my musings on life?
54
00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:54,090
Any interest?
55
00:02:55,091 --> 00:02:58,011
Uh, sounds more
like a Doug thing.
56
00:02:59,888 --> 00:03:01,056
Hello.
57
00:03:01,097 --> 00:03:02,432
Hey.
Hi.
58
00:03:02,474 --> 00:03:05,894
Douglas, how would you like
to chronicle my life?
59
00:03:07,979 --> 00:03:09,064
What?
60
00:03:09,105 --> 00:03:10,774
Chronicle my life!
61
00:03:10,815 --> 00:03:13,276
Come on, haven't I mentored
you, taken you under my wing,
62
00:03:13,318 --> 00:03:17,614
taught you a few things about
the world and its peoples?
63
00:03:19,491 --> 00:03:22,285
Mmm...
no, not really.
64
00:03:23,578 --> 00:03:24,996
I see. Well,
obviously I've been
65
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:28,041
casting my pearls
before swine.
66
00:03:28,083 --> 00:03:31,086
Uh, good day, and
I'll see you both in hell.
67
00:03:33,838 --> 00:03:35,965
So, how was work?
68
00:03:36,007 --> 00:03:38,718
Good. Today at lunch
I nailed down
the difference
69
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,762
between pastrami
and corned beef.
70
00:03:40,804 --> 00:03:43,014
One makes me
go like this...
71
00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:45,934
The other one,
like this...
72
00:03:50,855 --> 00:03:53,650
Once again,
question was,
how was work?
73
00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:54,818
It was busy. Busy.
74
00:03:54,859 --> 00:03:55,985
Kew Gardens branch
was down today,
75
00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:57,570
they routed everything
through us.
76
00:03:57,612 --> 00:03:58,613
Oh.
77
00:03:58,655 --> 00:03:59,739
That's no big deal,
though.
78
00:03:59,781 --> 00:04:00,949
The new kid, Rico,
I'm working with,
79
00:04:00,990 --> 00:04:02,117
really came through.
He was like,
80
00:04:02,158 --> 00:04:03,493
[LATIN ACCENT]
"Hey, that's no problem.
81
00:04:03,535 --> 00:04:06,162
We just double up,
Jack. Push it, baby."
82
00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:08,707
Is that the way
he talks?
83
00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:10,125
Yeah, he's got
that accent, you know?
84
00:04:10,166 --> 00:04:11,793
[IMITATES RICO]
"Hey, Jack,
how you doing?"
85
00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:14,045
He calls everybody
Jack.
86
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,630
I wish I had
a little thing,
87
00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:17,674
a little signature way
of talking.
88
00:04:17,716 --> 00:04:19,134
You kinda do.
89
00:04:19,175 --> 00:04:20,051
Really?
90
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:21,720
Yeah. You know,
like when you--
91
00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:23,263
You extend words
for no reason,
92
00:04:23,304 --> 00:04:26,725
like--like
this would be
an on-ion-nion.
93
00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:33,481
Yeah, I guess
I do have that.
94
00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:35,984
It's not cool,
though, you know?
95
00:04:36,026 --> 00:04:38,028
[IMITATES RICO] "Hey,
what's for dinner, Jack?"
96
00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:39,988
We're looking
at spaghetti.
97
00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:42,157
Oh, yeah.
Give me a taste, baby.
98
00:04:42,198 --> 00:04:43,825
OK, coming at ya.
99
00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:45,452
Yeah, feed me
the pasta, feed me.
100
00:04:45,493 --> 00:04:47,537
Come on, come on, give it--
Give it to me, yeah--
101
00:04:47,579 --> 00:04:49,748
[NORMAL VOICE]
Aah, my God, that's hot!
102
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,502
[MODEM RINGS]
103
00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:56,087
Hey, whatcha doing?
104
00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:58,548
Paying our bills
online.
105
00:04:58,590 --> 00:05:01,051
[MODEM CONNECTING]
106
00:05:05,263 --> 00:05:07,182
And you think with
all the technology we have,
107
00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:09,434
they can come up
with a better sound than...
108
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:12,103
[IMITATING MODEM]
109
00:05:16,524 --> 00:05:19,277
Hey, hey!
It's annoying, OK?
110
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,695
So, come on, why don't you
leave your bills behind
111
00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:22,864
and get reacquainted
with my UnderDougie?
112
00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:24,908
No, no, no, come on.
No, no, no, come on.
113
00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:26,451
I gotta do this.
I gotta do this.
114
00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:28,036
Hey, come on.
115
00:05:28,078 --> 00:05:30,121
Hey, didn't you
vow to obey me
in our wedding?
116
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:32,874
Obey me.
Obey me, wife.
Obey me.
117
00:05:32,916 --> 00:05:34,542
Doug, stop it!
118
00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:38,213
Come on, we cut that obey stuff
out when we wrote our own vows.
119
00:05:38,254 --> 00:05:40,465
Actually,
I snuck it back in quietly.
120
00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:41,716
I was, I was like,
121
00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:43,134
[QUIETLY]
"Obey me."
122
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:45,345
Look, if I don't
get these paid
by tomorrow,
123
00:05:45,387 --> 00:05:48,264
the power company
is gonna turn
our lights off.
124
00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:51,184
[IMITATES RICO]
That's OK, baby. We just
make love in the dark.
125
00:05:51,226 --> 00:05:54,229
You know dat's the way
it's supposed to be,
you know?
126
00:05:54,270 --> 00:05:56,606
Mmm. You like doing it
in the dark, Rico?
127
00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:58,191
[IMITATES RICO]
Oh, yeah, baby,
128
00:05:58,233 --> 00:06:00,068
so why don't you
say good night
to the world wide web
129
00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:03,822
and let Rico
connect you, eh?
130
00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:06,574
You think
you got it in you?
131
00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:07,992
You know I do.
132
00:06:09,577 --> 00:06:11,830
Show me what ya got.
133
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:17,252
[ALARM BEEPING]
134
00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:21,923
Horrible beeping noise
must be stopped.
135
00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:23,008
[ALARM STOPS]
136
00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:27,303
Must snuggle with
bear-like husband.
137
00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:32,851
Pretty
wiped out, huh?
138
00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:38,440
Yeah. Tend to
have that effect
on the ladies.
139
00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:48,241
Well, hello!
I didn't hear
you come in,
140
00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:50,326
Mr. Morning Sex.
141
00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:54,122
Doug?
142
00:06:54,164 --> 00:06:55,373
Yeah?
143
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,125
Do Rico.
144
00:06:57,167 --> 00:06:58,501
What?
145
00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:04,841
The voice. Do Rico.
146
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,637
Uh...
147
00:07:09,679 --> 00:07:12,015
[IMITATES RICO]
Okay, so...
148
00:07:12,057 --> 00:07:14,809
you want to dance
the samba in the air,
149
00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:15,894
in May, baby?
150
00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:17,145
Mm-hmm, yeah.
151
00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:18,813
That's
the early bird special.
152
00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:21,983
That's gonna cost you.
Mmm...
153
00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:24,944
ARTHUR: Frankie Johnson?
154
00:07:24,986 --> 00:07:27,197
Arthur Spooner. Remember me?
155
00:07:27,238 --> 00:07:31,368
I filled in for your archery
instructor at Camp Wigwam.
156
00:07:33,745 --> 00:07:36,873
Oh, for God's sakes,
I mentored you!
157
00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:40,877
Fine! See you in hell!
158
00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:43,421
[DOORBELL RINGS]
159
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,173
[SIGHS] Who is it?
160
00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:46,424
MAN:
A Taste of Bombay!
161
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,218
Oh, terrific!
162
00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:51,179
Hi there.
163
00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:53,807
Hello. You have
the Maknitika Chicken,
164
00:07:53,848 --> 00:07:56,059
Palak Paneer,
and a lemonade.
165
00:07:56,101 --> 00:07:58,645
That's 14.82, sir.
166
00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:01,272
Let me
get some cash.
167
00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:07,445
Come in. Come in.
168
00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:14,452
Son, how far do you
and I go back?
169
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:15,870
What is it,
2, 3 years?
170
00:08:15,912 --> 00:08:17,789
I don't know.
171
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:19,708
Remember
that time I ordered
172
00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:22,377
the Tandoori Lamb
from you?
173
00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:24,504
Oh, that was fun.
174
00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:27,424
What was your name
again?
175
00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:29,592
Sanjib.
Sinbad?
176
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:34,639
Sanjib.
Sandjob?
177
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:38,351
Sanjib. Look,
I have a lot of
other orders in the car,
178
00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:40,979
so if you could
please pay me,
I would appreciate it.
179
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,439
Oh, yes.
I'll get to that,
180
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:45,233
but first,
I have a few things
I'd like to tell you
181
00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:47,027
about the way
things work
182
00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:48,778
in this crazy place
183
00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:51,406
we call
Planet Earth.
184
00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:55,118
Hit record and play
at the same time.
185
00:08:57,078 --> 00:08:58,997
Boop-boop.
186
00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:03,168
Dead end package.
187
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:04,586
You know, if your owner
really wanted you,
188
00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:06,087
he might've been home
one of the three times
189
00:09:06,129 --> 00:09:08,089
I tried to deliver you.
190
00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:09,758
It's a crime at the way
people don't wait at home
191
00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:10,759
for their packages anymore.
192
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,428
It really is.
So, uh...
193
00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:15,764
You were a little late
this morning, what was up?
194
00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:17,182
Uh, nothin'.
195
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:20,268
Carrie and I just got into
a little morning action.
196
00:09:21,186 --> 00:09:23,271
Morning action.
Nice work.
197
00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:25,231
Yeah, it's no big deal.
198
00:09:25,273 --> 00:09:28,401
No big deal?
Didn't you once call morning sex
199
00:09:28,443 --> 00:09:31,363
the best thing in the world
that doesn't have cheese on it?
200
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:35,992
Ah, I mean, it was good,
it was just that, uh...
201
00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:37,911
I don't know.
202
00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:40,413
Do you, uh,
think this is weird?
203
00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:42,665
Last night,
I was trying to get
Carrie in the mood,
204
00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:47,295
so I, uh...
I did a voice.
205
00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:49,673
A voice?
206
00:09:49,714 --> 00:09:50,965
Yeah.
207
00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:54,344
What,
like Bugs Bunny?
208
00:09:58,056 --> 00:10:00,058
No. I did the voice
of the new guy.
209
00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:01,518
Who?
210
00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:02,560
Rico?
Yeah.
211
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:05,188
Sort of
turned her on
a little, too.
212
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:06,439
Then
this morning,
213
00:10:06,481 --> 00:10:08,066
she asked me to
do Rico again.
214
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:10,193
Think that's
a bad sign?
215
00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:15,198
Do the voice for me.
216
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,076
I'm not
doing the voice.
217
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:19,452
I'm just asking you
218
00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:20,662
do you think it's
bad that Carrie's
kind of, like,
219
00:10:20,704 --> 00:10:22,038
I don't know,
into Rico?
220
00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:23,456
Does it mean
that I'm slipping?
221
00:10:23,498 --> 00:10:25,875
That maybe me alone
doesn't turn her on
anymore?
222
00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:27,419
Well, I mean,
has she ever even met Rico?
223
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,379
No, but
I think she's
rolling the dice
224
00:10:29,421 --> 00:10:30,964
that young,
Latino stud
225
00:10:31,006 --> 00:10:32,549
might be
a little bit more
of a turn-on
226
00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:36,136
than big ass
who's always there,
always!
227
00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:39,889
Yeah. I see your point.
I knew it!
228
00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:41,349
Come on, man!
I think it's fine.
229
00:10:41,391 --> 00:10:42,684
Look, you've been
married for a while.
230
00:10:42,726 --> 00:10:44,853
These things happen.
You get creative.
231
00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:45,937
Don't worry about it.
232
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:48,606
You, uh...
You do voices?
233
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:51,067
No.
234
00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:53,278
I do wear a bandana.
235
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:55,196
Really? Now, are you
playing a character
236
00:10:55,238 --> 00:10:56,698
when you wear
that bandana?
237
00:10:56,740 --> 00:10:58,241
Hmm, I guess not.
238
00:10:58,283 --> 00:10:59,284
So that's still you.
239
00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:02,704
Well, it's "bad" me.
240
00:11:02,746 --> 00:11:04,914
See, that
wasn't me at all
in bed last night.
241
00:11:04,956 --> 00:11:06,041
Just do
the voice for me.
242
00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:07,083
I'm not
doing the voice!
243
00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:08,209
I just want
to feel the magic.
244
00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:09,336
You know what
he sounds like.
245
00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:10,754
Yeah, but
not talking sexy.
246
00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:12,088
Come on.
Do the voice.
247
00:11:12,130 --> 00:11:13,757
Put on the bandana.
248
00:11:15,050 --> 00:11:16,968
Hey, Rico.
Come here for a second.
249
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:19,387
Hey. What's up, Jack?
250
00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:21,097
Not too much, man.
Listen, um...
251
00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:23,266
Doug and I were
just trying to remember
the words to that, uh,
252
00:11:23,308 --> 00:11:25,226
George Michael song,
253
00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:26,478
I Want Your Sex.
254
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,438
Um, remember
how that goes?
255
00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:29,731
Yeah, I think
it's something like,
256
00:11:29,773 --> 00:11:31,232
um...
257
00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:34,194
"Sex is natural,
sex is fun...
Yeah?
258
00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:39,240
Sex is best
when it's one on one."
259
00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:41,493
That's right.
260
00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:43,495
Thanks.
261
00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:47,165
OK...
262
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:49,417
that got me
a little hot.
263
00:11:58,593 --> 00:12:02,055
What have you
brought me
today, son?
264
00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:04,516
What you ordered.
265
00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:08,728
That was very
kind of you.
266
00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:13,525
Could you tuck
this blanket
under my feet?
267
00:12:23,034 --> 00:12:24,327
Thank you.
268
00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:27,038
So, that's 13.28.
269
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,289
Right, right.
270
00:12:28,331 --> 00:12:30,750
Sit for a moment,
would you?
271
00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:39,509
Sanjib...
272
00:12:39,551 --> 00:12:42,345
do you see this glass
as half empty...
273
00:12:42,387 --> 00:12:44,723
or half full?
274
00:12:45,515 --> 00:12:46,641
Half full.
275
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:49,185
OK, so you know
that one.
276
00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:53,565
Dad, would you
just pay the guy
and let him leave?
277
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:54,774
In a minute.
278
00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:57,444
And stop ordering
Indian food.
279
00:12:57,485 --> 00:13:00,321
It's stinkin' up
the fridge.
280
00:13:00,363 --> 00:13:01,781
No offense.
281
00:13:05,744 --> 00:13:06,870
Hey, sweetie.
282
00:13:06,911 --> 00:13:07,620
Hi.
283
00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:09,706
Oh, N.Y.P.D. Blue.
284
00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:11,708
I miss Jimmy Smits,
285
00:13:11,750 --> 00:13:13,293
but good
for Rick Schroeder,
286
00:13:13,335 --> 00:13:14,419
you know
what I'm saying?
287
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:16,588
Yeah, yeah.
Good for him.
288
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:24,721
Have I told you how much
I love you today?
289
00:13:24,763 --> 00:13:26,306
Oh, honey,
that's sweet.
290
00:13:26,348 --> 00:13:28,683
I love you, too.
291
00:13:31,102 --> 00:13:32,354
So you, uh,
292
00:13:32,395 --> 00:13:33,355
you wanna...
293
00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:34,689
hmm?
294
00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:36,066
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
295
00:13:36,107 --> 00:13:38,276
Let's just finish
watching the show first.
296
00:13:44,282 --> 00:13:47,285
[IMITATES RICO]
Come on, baby.
Let's do it now.
297
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:50,872
Oh, Rico...
298
00:13:50,914 --> 00:13:52,791
you want me
to turn the TV off?
299
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,417
[IMITATES RICO]
Yes.
300
00:13:54,459 --> 00:13:57,420
Well, OK.
301
00:13:57,462 --> 00:13:58,588
[TV CLICKS OFF]
302
00:13:58,630 --> 00:14:01,633
Here I am,
you big Latin stud.
303
00:14:01,675 --> 00:14:03,968
All right, that's it!
304
00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:05,095
What?
305
00:14:05,136 --> 00:14:06,429
You wouldn't turn off
the TV for me,
306
00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:07,472
but you sure
turned it off
307
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:08,556
for Rico,
didn't you?
308
00:14:08,598 --> 00:14:09,933
What are you
talking about?
309
00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:11,685
Oh, nothing. Just
that you're more
attracted to him
310
00:14:11,726 --> 00:14:12,852
than you are to me.
311
00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:14,396
Doug,
I don't know Rico.
312
00:14:14,437 --> 00:14:15,730
I've never
even met him.
313
00:14:15,772 --> 00:14:17,607
Oh, you know him.
314
00:14:17,649 --> 00:14:19,401
What does that mean?
315
00:14:19,442 --> 00:14:20,568
I don't know.
All I know is,
316
00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:21,611
Doug plays
with your hair,
317
00:14:21,653 --> 00:14:22,612
nothing.
318
00:14:22,654 --> 00:14:23,780
Rico does, bingo.
319
00:14:23,822 --> 00:14:26,574
Or should I say,
el bingo?!
320
00:14:26,616 --> 00:14:28,660
Let me get this straight.
321
00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:31,788
You are jealous of a guy
that I've never met
322
00:14:31,830 --> 00:14:33,790
that is actually you.
323
00:14:33,832 --> 00:14:34,916
No, I'm jealous of Rico!
324
00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:36,584
You are Rico,
you idiot!
325
00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:37,877
No, I don't go around
calling people "Jack."
326
00:14:37,919 --> 00:14:40,296
I'm the
"on-i-on-i-on" guy.
327
00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:42,507
And that,
to my recollection,
328
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:43,633
has never gotten
your middle third
329
00:14:43,675 --> 00:14:45,844
singin' Sweet Virginia.
330
00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:48,555
Admit it, Carrie.
331
00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:50,598
Another man's voice
is turning you on.
332
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,934
Maybe I am turned on
by the fact
333
00:14:52,976 --> 00:14:54,477
that you are such
a talented mimic.
334
00:14:54,519 --> 00:14:56,146
You ever
think of that?
335
00:14:56,187 --> 00:14:57,814
Oh, is that it?
Well, then let's get
Rich Little in here.
336
00:14:57,856 --> 00:14:59,983
We'll have an orgy.
337
00:15:02,027 --> 00:15:03,820
Is this what I'm like
when I get my period?
338
00:15:03,862 --> 00:15:07,741
Because if it is,
I am very, very sorry.
339
00:15:09,034 --> 00:15:11,244
You know what?
It's fine. It's fine.
340
00:15:11,286 --> 00:15:13,038
It really is,
it really is, you know?
341
00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:15,957
I just--I guess we've
reached that phase
in our relationship
342
00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:18,752
where I need to do
other people's voices
343
00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:20,712
to turn you on.
344
00:15:20,754 --> 00:15:22,255
So, what
are you saying?
345
00:15:22,297 --> 00:15:24,132
You're saying that you have
never thought of anyone else
346
00:15:24,174 --> 00:15:25,967
when we're in bed
together? Is that
what you're saying?
347
00:15:26,009 --> 00:15:27,677
Just the fact that
you're asking me that
348
00:15:27,719 --> 00:15:28,845
means you thought
about Rico.
349
00:15:28,887 --> 00:15:30,347
Just answer
my question.
350
00:15:30,388 --> 00:15:33,016
Have you ever thought
of anyone else?
351
00:15:33,058 --> 00:15:34,517
I've...
352
00:15:34,559 --> 00:15:36,186
shuffled through
a few images,
353
00:15:36,227 --> 00:15:38,355
but then retreated
out of guilt.
354
00:15:38,396 --> 00:15:39,814
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
355
00:15:39,856 --> 00:15:42,192
So other people have
crossed your mind.
356
00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:43,818
Maybe, but
the only person
I thought of
357
00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:45,695
for more than
a few seconds
was Don Zimmer,
358
00:15:45,737 --> 00:15:50,200
and that was
just to pull in
the reins a little.
359
00:15:50,241 --> 00:15:52,577
Whatever. Look,
this is so crazy.
360
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:53,912
It's just a stupid
little accent
361
00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:55,163
you started doing,
362
00:15:55,205 --> 00:15:56,790
and now for some reason
you're mad at me.
363
00:15:56,831 --> 00:15:59,209
I am begging you.
Can we let this go?
364
00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:00,919
Fine. You know what?
I'm going to grab a beer.
365
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,212
Why don't you
give me a jingle
when you're ready
366
00:16:02,253 --> 00:16:04,047
to have sex with
Doug Heffernan again!
367
00:16:04,089 --> 00:16:06,091
Oh, yeah?
Well, why don't you
give me a jingle
368
00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:09,177
when you stop fantasizing
about Don Zimmer?
369
00:16:11,805 --> 00:16:14,099
SANJIB [ON TAPE]:
I'm sorry, but I reallyjust have to be going.
370
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:15,725
ARTHUR [ON TAPE]:
Oh, yes.
371
00:16:15,767 --> 00:16:17,727
We're allcoming and going.
372
00:16:17,769 --> 00:16:20,563
Only the manwho makes peacewith that
373
00:16:20,605 --> 00:16:21,773
can truly be free.
374
00:16:21,815 --> 00:16:24,401
More curry?
375
00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:26,695
[DOORBELL RINGS]
376
00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:28,196
[RING]
377
00:16:28,238 --> 00:16:30,031
Coming!
378
00:16:35,704 --> 00:16:38,039
Leave my son alone!
379
00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:39,666
What?
380
00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:42,669
He does not wish
to chronicle your wisdom...
381
00:16:42,711 --> 00:16:44,504
but thank you
for your business.
382
00:16:44,546 --> 00:16:47,632
Here's your food.
That's 11.95.
383
00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:50,635
All right.
Here's your money.
384
00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:53,179
You know,
people often ask me,
385
00:16:53,221 --> 00:16:55,640
"Why is there so much
anger all around us?"
386
00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:57,851
And I say--
Ba-dup!
387
00:17:04,482 --> 00:17:06,109
Oh, strong
to the hoop!
388
00:17:06,151 --> 00:17:07,777
Oh, that's the answer,
that's the answer.
389
00:17:07,819 --> 00:17:09,571
It's 10-8, 10-8.
390
00:17:09,612 --> 00:17:11,698
Hey, by the way,
thanks for the tip.
391
00:17:11,740 --> 00:17:12,782
What do you mean?
392
00:17:12,824 --> 00:17:14,242
I tried Rico's voice
last night.
393
00:17:14,284 --> 00:17:16,286
Kelly liked it so much
that after we were done,
394
00:17:16,327 --> 00:17:19,706
she got out of bed
and made me
a grilled cheese.
395
00:17:19,748 --> 00:17:21,291
[HORN HONKING]
396
00:17:21,332 --> 00:17:22,834
Hey, Carrie's here.
397
00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:24,210
Really?
398
00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:25,128
Hey, big guy!
399
00:17:25,170 --> 00:17:26,421
Can I talk to you
for a minute?
400
00:17:26,463 --> 00:17:27,672
Oh, this is perfect,
401
00:17:27,714 --> 00:17:30,091
just when
he's glistening.
402
00:17:30,133 --> 00:17:32,010
Sub!
403
00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:34,929
Hey, how did
you know I was here?
404
00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:36,139
Your dispatcher told me
405
00:17:36,181 --> 00:17:37,474
you guys were playing
some ball. Listen...
406
00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:38,975
I--I felt really bad
about our fight
last night--
407
00:17:39,017 --> 00:17:40,685
And you know what?
No big deal, OK?
408
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:42,479
Just, uh,
see ya later, OK?
Bye-bye.
409
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:43,980
Buckle up for
safety--for safety.
N-no!
410
00:17:44,022 --> 00:17:45,690
No, honey, honey,
it is a big deal, OK?
411
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:47,484
If your feelings
were hurt,
412
00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:49,986
and you were still thinking
about it this morning,
that's bad.
413
00:17:50,028 --> 00:17:51,905
Now, I don't want
to get into who's right
or who's wrong,
414
00:17:51,946 --> 00:17:54,282
the point is,
this has nothing
to do with Rico.
415
00:17:54,324 --> 00:17:56,618
I love you,
and that's it.
416
00:17:56,659 --> 00:17:57,827
Love me. Got it. OK.
417
00:17:57,869 --> 00:17:59,079
All right, honey,
I love you.
418
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:02,207
I'll see you at home.
All right. Bye-bye.
419
00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:04,167
Thank you.
420
00:18:04,209 --> 00:18:07,837
RICO: Hey, where
you going, Jack?
421
00:18:07,879 --> 00:18:11,841
You liked his voice,
now welcome to his face.
422
00:18:11,883 --> 00:18:14,344
Is that
what you're all...
423
00:18:14,386 --> 00:18:17,305
worked up about?
Pfft! I gotta
tell you, honey,
424
00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:19,349
if I passed him
on the street...
425
00:18:19,391 --> 00:18:20,517
nothing.
426
00:18:20,558 --> 00:18:21,851
Then why haven't
you blinked?
427
00:18:21,893 --> 00:18:23,812
I'm going.
428
00:18:23,853 --> 00:18:26,439
Hey, you're not
leaving, are you, Jack?
429
00:18:26,481 --> 00:18:29,359
Uh, no, no, no. Uh...
430
00:18:29,401 --> 00:18:31,986
Rico, this is,
uh, my wife Carrie.
431
00:18:32,028 --> 00:18:33,613
Hello, how you doing?
432
00:18:33,655 --> 00:18:37,325
She's doing good.
You're doing
really good, right?
433
00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:40,537
This is my girlfriend
Francesca.
434
00:18:40,578 --> 00:18:42,872
Mmm, very nice
to meet you.
435
00:18:42,914 --> 00:18:43,790
I love
your sweater.
436
00:18:43,832 --> 00:18:45,125
Oh.
Yeah, well,
437
00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:46,209
Carrie's just
leaving now, right?
Yeah.
438
00:18:46,251 --> 00:18:48,003
Oh, I was
just leaving.
439
00:18:49,254 --> 00:18:52,007
Drive away, honey.
Drive away.
OK.
440
00:19:02,225 --> 00:19:04,978
Come on, Doug.
Can't we get past this?
441
00:19:05,020 --> 00:19:08,273
Don't you want
to "Dougercise" me?
442
00:19:09,691 --> 00:19:11,067
Something?
443
00:19:11,109 --> 00:19:13,987
I can't.
You'll just think
about Rico, and...
444
00:19:14,029 --> 00:19:16,448
I can't imitate
that body.
445
00:19:19,409 --> 00:19:22,162
Why does this
have to be a bad thing?
446
00:19:22,203 --> 00:19:23,455
I mean,
maybe this is like
447
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:25,790
a new phase
for us, you know?
We role-play.
448
00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:27,042
It could be fun.
449
00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:29,544
What do you mean?
450
00:19:29,586 --> 00:19:32,839
[IMITATES FRANCESCA]
Doug, I'm Francesca,
451
00:19:32,881 --> 00:19:35,717
Rico's
adorable girlfriend.
452
00:19:35,759 --> 00:19:38,511
I'm very sexy
and very Italian
453
00:19:38,553 --> 00:19:42,432
and very hopeful
that you will
come out to play.
454
00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:46,978
What the hell have
you been drinking?
455
00:19:49,439 --> 00:19:53,818
Well, I think
you might like
a little action, too,
456
00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:56,613
and not Don Zimmer's.
457
00:19:57,822 --> 00:19:59,115
[IMITATES FRANCESCA]
So, Doug...
458
00:19:59,157 --> 00:20:03,119
you like it, come on.
Say you like it, Dougie.
459
00:20:03,161 --> 00:20:06,331
Mmm.
I'm not hating it.
460
00:20:08,333 --> 00:20:12,045
You would,
uh, do Francesca
during...mmm?
461
00:20:13,296 --> 00:20:16,424
Of course. I'll do anything
for you, Doug. I love you.
462
00:20:16,466 --> 00:20:17,801
[IMITATES FRANCESCA]
So, Doug,
463
00:20:17,842 --> 00:20:20,637
you want a little-a
Italian gelato?
464
00:20:20,679 --> 00:20:21,638
What flavor?
465
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:22,931
Spumoni.
466
00:20:22,972 --> 00:20:25,141
What's that?
467
00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:27,477
It's got...
468
00:20:27,519 --> 00:20:29,020
fruit...
469
00:20:29,062 --> 00:20:31,523
and nuts and candy.
470
00:20:33,024 --> 00:20:35,026
OK, now I actually
want gelato...
471
00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:42,158
...but I can
get that later.
OK.
472
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,577
[IMITATES RICO]
So, Francesca,
473
00:20:44,619 --> 00:20:47,497
are you ready
for some hot, Latin
love, eh, baby?
474
00:20:47,539 --> 00:20:49,582
[IMITATES FRANCESCA]
I'm ready, Rico.
475
00:20:49,624 --> 00:20:54,754
Mmm.
Mmm. You are a big,
sexy Latino stud.
476
00:20:54,796 --> 00:20:57,424
Oh, that's-a
right, Jack!
477
00:20:59,009 --> 00:21:00,719
[TOILET FLUSHES]
478
00:21:02,012 --> 00:21:03,346
What was that?
479
00:21:03,388 --> 00:21:07,183
The toilet won't-a
stop flushing again!
480
00:21:07,225 --> 00:21:10,562
You know,
it kind of smells.
481
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:13,314
I'll get the plunger.
482
00:21:18,486 --> 00:21:22,240
Whoo! Man,
it is great to be them.
483
00:21:30,123 --> 00:21:31,541
ARTHUR: And so,
484
00:21:31,583 --> 00:21:35,086
that is why
I look at this glass
as half full.
485
00:21:36,629 --> 00:21:38,673
Write that down.
486
00:21:38,715 --> 00:21:40,592
I'm not gonna
write it down.
487
00:21:40,633 --> 00:21:42,927
You're supposed
to be chronicling
my wisdom.
488
00:21:42,969 --> 00:21:46,639
I'm not going
to chronicle your wisdom.
489
00:21:46,681 --> 00:21:50,393
You chronicle
my wisdom.
490
00:21:50,435 --> 00:21:52,228
Your wisdom
is stupid.
491
00:21:52,270 --> 00:21:58,151
Oh, what?
The glass is half full.
Oh, that's genius.
492
00:21:59,277 --> 00:22:00,612
So, that's
how it's gonna be?
493
00:22:00,653 --> 00:22:02,113
Well, chronicle this--
494
00:22:02,155 --> 00:22:04,115
I'll see you in hell!
495
00:22:06,826 --> 00:22:10,497
[**]
34456
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof