Original subtitles

Suppose I should start by tellin' 'bout the murders we had in these parts.

Never was exactly sure where she come from.

The gal that come to live with me and Paw that summer, I mean.

But the reverend's wife...

...turns out she had a pretty good idea.

I told the story so many times I just fill in the blanks where memory don't reach back.

Guess it won't hurt none to tell it again.

Beginning's where I'm fuzziest.

Where she come from, I mean.

Sylvia...

Least that's what she called herself.

Who knows what here real name was.

Or if she even had one at all...

Fuck you!

No!

You're gonna burn, bitch.

You're gonna burn.

Stop! Stop!

We got you figured out, see, girl.

We know what you've been doin'.

That's soft as a ripe plum, Tommy.

You know what they call whores like this one, Tom?

They call 'em Jezbels.

That's what they call 'em. Harlots.

Ugh. Fuck you.

Gimme them matches!

Naw, naw, naw. Not yet. I got somethin' in mind for this one.

Come here. Hold her real quick.

She's 'bout slippery as a damn carp.

Not a good idea, Paul.

Shit, you'll get your turn.

Don't want no turn!

Well shut the fuck up then, faggot!

Been takin' somethin' belongs to me.

Been doin' it for years is my fucking guess.

Stealin' from good folk like you and me.

Get 'er, Tommy!

You fuckin' whore!

You fuckin' bitch!

Miss?

Are you alright?

Oh my God.

My God...

Can I help you to your feet?

Put your arm around me.

Here ya go. Here ya go.

Gonna get you all fixed up, okay?

Well, it was a wet one last night folks...

...looks like it will be clearing up this morning.

We're going to take a quick break, but when we get back we've got Les Honky More Tonkies and a new one from Coach n' Commando.

We'll be right back. Keep it tuned to WTCH.

Radio Station Bumper THE WITCH

Radio Commercial Ragged Records! The Quad Cities'...

Come over here and help me, boy!

Jesus Christ, What'd you do?

What'd I tell you 'bout that, boy?!

Don't hand me that crap. Is she dead?

No, but she's hurt real bad. Go on. Let's get her inside.

What're we gonna do with her? We ain't doctors.

We nursed plenty calves gettin' back upright again. This ain't no different.

Now hush your butt and do what your paw says!

We ain't doctors...

Now what?

Fetch me a needle and thread from your maw's sewing box.

Bring me a wash rag.

And some water, too.

Alright, Paw.

- What I told you 'bout sneaking up on me? - Whatcha doin', Paw?

I'm checking for cuts, what's it look like I'm doin'?!

It looks like you're feeling up her titties is what it looks like.

Where am I?

Middle of nowhere.

You idiot!

Idiot's my son.

You're safe.

I'm Caleb.

I'm his paw.

Paw?

That's right.

Found ya down Viola Road a bit.

You wanna tell us what happened?

I was attacked.

Yeah, no shit.

That's yours?

I don't know.

Hey, what's your name?

Sylvia.

You're lucky to be alive, Sylvia.

Closest town's a good drive from here. It's got a --

-- sheriff, but no hospital

We can get ya bandaged up and washed.

Me and Caleb can drive you down there.

Let the law sort it out.

No!

I beg your pardon?

Please!

Come on, Paw, she's scared.

You're not from around here, are you?

I reckon we could let you stay here awhile, but -

- oughta least let me dressed that wound. It needs stitches. - Oh no. It's okay.

I'm fine.

Caleb.

Show her the bath.

I'll fetch one of your Maw's dresses.

Don't much need 'em where she's gone.

Rest her soul.

Well it ain't much, but it's all we got.

It's plenty. Thanks.

Oh, just a second.

It's mine.

You can use it.

It's clean, I swear.

Thank you.

Holler if you need anything. I'll make sure Paw's gettin' clothes together.

Your maw was a little woman.

Just like the gal.

Reckon these'll fit her just fine.

Pretty gal, ain't she?

I hadn't noticed.

I bet you hadn't.

So what are we gonna do with her?

Suppose she can stay here awhile.

Don't seem much interested in the law or no hospital.

Yeah, she must be in trouble, huh?

Seems that way.

She can stay on the couch until we get somethin' sorted out.

She ain't gotta stay on the couch, she can sleep in my bed, I'll sleep on the couch.

Okay, long as you know it's your back.

- Ain't gonna get you outta your chores. - I hear ya, Paw.

Here are the dresses Paw laid out for ya.

I hope they fit.

I'm sure they're fine. Thanks.

Yeah.

How'd she die?

Your maw. How'd she die?

Oh. Just as quick as she was sick she was gone.

Sad.

I was little. I only remember certain things about her.

Her picture's over there.

She's pretty.

Yeah.

Well, I think I got enough of this junk picked up for ya.

I need to go feed the hogs before Paw starts hollerin'.

Your paw's a good man.

Yeah, I guess he is.

Well, get some rest.

- Thank you, Caleb. - You're wel--

--you're welcome.

You goddamn bitch...

...you goddamn bitch...

Hey. You get some rest?

Mmhm, I did.

You don't mind if I read it, do you?

Naw, go ahead.

Maw left 'em to me.

Buncha places and things I never even heard of before, but...

...pretty much been my education.

Here I thought you only looked at them comics and boobie books.

Well...

It's beautiful out here.

Yeah, it sure is.

You must get bored.

Naw, Paw keeps me real busy.

You always do what your paw tells you?

That ain't no fun.

I'm kidding.

Yeah, I know.

You wanna go see the chickens?

Okay.

Ain't ate that good since Caleb's maw was livin'.

Real good, Sylvia. Thank you.

You ready to talk yet, about what happened?

Your incident?

Awful lotta blood didn't seem to be yours.

Paw...

It's okay.

I was running with the wrong crowd.

They didn't want me to leave.

So when I did they tried to stop me.

Like a cult or somethin'?

Somethin' like that.

I fought back, though.

Cut one of 'em pretty good.

Next thing I remember was headlights.

Thought I was gonna die.

But I didn't die.

I was saved.

You ain't got no family or kin or nothin' lookin' for ya?

I grew up in an orphanage.

I hated it there.

I never even knew my parents.

She ain't got no place to go!

Well, I reckon you oughta stay here.

Really?!

Indefinitely, so to speak. Least until you're ready to go.

So to speak.

Can always use an extra hand around here, I'm a tired old fat man and...

...the boy is just a boy.

We'll saddle ya down with some chores, earn your keep.

Room and board.

You think you can handle that?

Yes, sir. Thank you.

Okay.

And call me Paw.

Thank you, Paw.

Don't mention it.

I think I'm gonna like it here.

I think so, too.

I think so, too.

See, here's your gearshift, here's your throttle. You want it to go fast, you put it on the bunny.

Want it to go slow, there's the turtle down there.

Here's your clutch.

This is how you start it.

You want it to stop, pull that out.

- Bunny, fast. Turtle, slow. - What are those?

- These are the brakes. - What happens if you push them down at the same time?

You push 'em down at the same time you're gonna start straight.

You want it to go this way, you press this one down.

Want it to go that way, you press this one down.

Okay.

Hey, boy!

Yeah?

You seen the gal?

Last I seen she was hanging laundry.

Well, the gate on the hog pen's loose again. Ya'll tighten that up before them critters get loose.

Alright, Paw.

Damn...

Damn!

Shit, you got a way of doin' that.

I almost whooped you.

So where's your paw goin'?

Uh... to Bachman.

Roost.

When's he gonna be back?

- Prolly not 'til late. He goes there to get drunk and cockfight. - Okay

What're you doin'?

Don't be afraid.

I ain't.

- Hi. - Hi.

It's like you wasn't even hurt.

I heal fast.

It's amazing.

I love it out here with you and your paw.

So stay.

I can't.

How come?

They'll find me eventually.

Then they'll deal with me.

They're dangerous, Caleb.

Time'll come when you and your paw won't have anything left to offer a girl like me.

Don't say that.

What're those?

Oh, it's Maw's old things.

Stuff Paw says we ain't got no use for anymore.

I like knowin' they're still here, though.

Look at this.

Paw'd kill me if he knew I was in this.

Check this out.

Looks broken.

It's got film in it.

Don't you dare!

Aw, come on. Why not?

Because I look hideous in photos, that's why!

Aw, come on.

Okay, okay.

It isn't funny.

I swear I won't show nobody!

Hey there.

Hey.

Can, uh... ya'll do anything with this?

Not here.

I can send it away for ya, though.

Take a few weeks.

Yeah, alright.

Alright.

Fill this out...

...put your name down...

...gimme your digits.

Whoa, hold up.

Don't use that one.

Use this one.

You said two weeks?

That's right.

Alright. Thank you.

See ya in a few weeks.

Hey!

Where'd this come from?

Uh, redneck.

Wellsville, maybe.

Listen...

...I'm not one to give advice.

But you'd be best advised to stay away from him.

If they come back you don't say squat about this.

Or what?

What?

I said...

...or what?

Just have my pictures ready.

That's what I thought.

Peckerwood.

Hey pretty little thang.

Pump sprang a leak.

Figure it's too late to catch Caleb while he's in town?

No, nevermind about the pump. I'll take care of it.

I hope the boy ain't been botherin' ya too much.

Never had his maw around to gentle him none.

Caleb's great.

You must get really lonely out here.

I got you and Caleb, don't I?

Yeah, but...

...with Mrs. Taggott gone and all.

Well, I get along.

Looks like you could use a bath.

Does it?

Y-yes.

Maybe.

Well...

Run along then.

Okay.

Mrs. Taggott must've been a tiny little thing, huh?

You know you got me so wrapped up with chores I haven't had a chance to give you a proper thanks.

Thanks?

You saved my life, Paw.

You already forget that?

I just wanna say thanks is all. Is that okay?

Can't I say thanks?

Thank you.

You're welcome.

There is no shame in nature.

Extremely dangerous?

Gal don't weight more than a hundred pounds!

It ain't safe, Paw!

I'm tellin' you, it's those cult people!

What?!

You been screwin' her, ain't you?

No!

No I haven't.

Boy...

Yeah...

I have. I've been screwin' her.

But can you blame me? I mean, you saw her at breakfast, she had --

-- that tight little body, and those skimpy little dresses she always wears.

I'm tellin' you, it just gets my...

...jabbydoober just straighter than a skunk's tail.

Whew.

I know just what you mean, boy.

Gal come wanderin' into the den.

Nipples stickin' out like a couple of shotgun shells.

That kinda temptation's hard to resist for a young'un.

Ain't nothin' wrong with doin' what's natural, son.

Paw...

Please tell me you ain't done nothin' with her.

You're like ten times her age.

And...

...fat, and you'd probably squish her.

And you're about as charmin' as a booger.

You mind your manners, boy!

You talk respectful to your paw.

Damn, Paw.

I oughta mash that mouth of yours.

Course I ain't done nothin'!

You gettin' sick, boy?

Knock it off!

Shit!

I can't sleep.

I guess your paw knows about us, huh?

I heard.

Yeah.

Didn't seem to be too bothered about it.

Yeah, I guess not.

You ever think about getting out of here?

Going someplace new?

Well, now why would I do that?

Gotta live your own life at some point.

You can't keep on livin' your paw's.

That's my mama.

Where?

You're standin' on her, dum-dum.

Paw wants us all to be here one day.

'Our Little Family', he says.

You got five seconds to name the man snarfed my poster, or I'm gonna make your wall look like you told a bad joke.

Five...

Four...

Three...

Two...

No! W-w-w-wait!

P-p-please!

Please, no!

Just -- -- Who?

Time's up!

No! H-h-hold -- Jesus!

Shit, man!

I'll tell you!

I just gotta get to the --

-- I just gotta get to the register.

I put his name in here.

Shit, man, make me --

-- cut muffins in my brand new boxers my girlfriend gave to me.

He was in here the other day, I --

-- pretty sure I put his name in here.

Well, come on, goddamnit!

Here.

Here we go.

Yeah.

Didn't give you no address?

Some fly speck.

Bigelow, maybe.

Ever hold out on me again --

-- and I'll tear your balls off with a set of channel locks.

That understood?

Peckerwood.

Brother Taggott.

My good friend, Brother Taggott. How are you today, sir?

Sprinklin' a little holy water on my tree there, Reverend?

Ya caught me.

Where might Mrs. Simms be?

Outta town, I'm afraid.

Thank God for small mercies.

Yes, brother. Off on one of her spiritual crusades. You know the kind.

I do.

Mrs. Taggott was quite fond of those trips herself.

I remeber she was.

Brings you out here, Reverend? Somethin' on your mind?

Matter of fact there is, see uh --

-- Mrs. Simms give me a mission before she left.

Seems there's been, uh, some peculiar talk goin' round town.

Seems you got yourself a little foreign gal out here on the farm.

Well, there's a gal out here, that's true, but --

-- ain't much foreign 'bout her far as I I can tell, 'less you reckon Pennsylvania's foreign.

That where she from?

Some such place. According to her.

Well, brother.

I don't mean to offend, because I know you're a Godly man and all, but --

-- just don't seem proper, I mean to say, you got no other women folk out here on the farm to take care of the gal.

It's just you and the boy, isn't it?

That's right.

Yes, well, he's gettin' close to the age where he'll be noticin' such a gal, and --

-- here she is all alone with you men

and nobody to protect her, teach her what's right and wrong.

Now wait just a minute, Reverend.

She's a hired gal, that's all.

There's plenty of chores on this farm for her and me and the boy.

We've been protecting her ourselves just fine.

Teaching her right from wrong, too.

Well, that may be, brother, but it still don't make it right her being all alone with you men.

Well, what do you suggest?

The gal is a minor from what I understand, she belongs in a county orphanage.

They'll put her to work there and teach her moral principles.

Gal's already seen the inside of an orphange, Reverend.

Didn't fancy it too much.

That what she say?

According to her.

Like I say, my wife give me the idea --

I've never known her to be wrong in matters of morality and propriety.

I assure you, the gal will be safe with the county.

Well, Reverend...

...I reckon you and the Mrs. might be right in some respects.

How 'bout I holler at the gal right now?

Oh good. Glad to see we're on the same page.

Like I say --

-- she ain't gonna be hankerin' to go back to no orphanage.

Faith can move mountains, brother.

Faith can move mountains.

You know...

...I think you oughta be the one to talk to her.

Be glad to.

You bein' a man of the cloth and all.

Oh, right, brother.

Good idea.

I'll come right on now.

Jesus H. Christ!

Will you two knock it off!

The Reverend's here.

So?!

So?!?!

He wants to take the gal to an orphange.

I'm not going back to an orphange!

You reckon you can change his mind?

Maybe.

I don't like this one bit, Paw.

Well, what then?

Turn her loose to the orphanage, which she hates I'll remind ya.

Or worse, let them folks what's after her find her and do Lord knows what.

Shit.

Young lady, it's Reverend Simms. Are you decent?

Yes, Reverend.

Judas Priest.

Whoa!!! Oh My God!!!

Thank you, Brother Taggott.

You've been very decent about all of this.

Well, I'm just trying to do what's right,

that's all.

No thanks.

Gal ain't goin' with ya?

Brother Taggott --

-- the ways of the Lord are wondrous.

Amen.

Oh, bullshit.

A little child shall lead them.

Gospel truth.

That simple, unaffected child upstairs has taught me in her untutored way --

-- that there is a law higher than man's law.

And it is God's Law.

And it is the Law of Love.

Hallelujah.

That's what it sounded like, didn't it, Paw?

Hush, boy.

Oh my God.

Now, man's law says the gal belongs in an orphanage.

But can a cold institution like that offer her love?

Nope!

Can it give her the simple human warmth she's been getting in your home?

I don't believe so.

Of course it can't!

So it is my decision the gal should stay here.

Under your guidance.

Anything you say, Reverend.

But, I must impose a condition.

See, here we go.

And what's that?

Now while it is true you can provide her with most of the necessities of life --

-- a home, shelter from the storm, food for her body, and that all-important love, which I just made reference to.

The one thing you cannot provide her with, Brother Taggott --

-- and you, boy --

Is religious counsel.

OH MY GOD.

Fuck.

So, I say I will allow the gal to stay here

provided I may come visit with her.

In private.

Fuck that! No, Paw

Hush, boy!

As her spiritual advisor.

Fuck that, Paw.

Shall we say once a week, gentlemen?

How 'bout Fridays after supper?

Perfect.

Are you shitting me, Paw?

Hush. Hush, boy.

But Reverend.

What about Mrs. Simms?

You leave her to me. I got it covered.

Thank you, gentlemen.

You've been very kind.

And you, too, son.

I'm fine.

Very nice.

Good evening to you gentlemen.

Wha...?

Oh my God.

Fuck, Paw.

Like clockwork, every Friday spank after supper

Reverend Simms showed up to give Sylvia her spiritual advisin'.

Ride 'em, cowgirl!

Oh my God.

Mrs. Simms is gonna kill me.

You're so good.

Things got on just fine for awhile.

Although I didn't really approve.

Paw insisted it was for the best.

Seein' how Sylvia had them folks lookin' for her and all.

And some other thing about taxes that I didn't altogether understand.

What the hell?

Paw?!

I was nine when I lost my virginity.

A little bitty widow lady used to work at the post office.

Paw!

She had one arm was shorter than the other.

That didn't slow her down none.

Paw!

Didn't slow her down one bit.

Hey.

What's --

What's so funny?

Nothin'

Well, what are ya'll up to?

You the one come yellin' like hell fire. What's goin' on, boy?

Ugh! Follow me.

Dang it!

Didn't slow her down none.

Paw! Come on!

I'm comin', boy.

Just don't make no sense.

The hell it don't!

You been so busy plowin' the hired gal, you ain't kept the chickens fed!

They musta cannibisized themselves

Don't hand me that crap, Paw.

You been lazier than a bullfrog ever since she's been here.

And you been ooglin' her like you wanna eat the peanuts outta her shit.

You mind your manners, boy!

You seen this one?

Only about a million times.

That's a little before your time, isn't it?

Shut up.

Those feed bags are so heavy, Paw.

Oh, I know they are, girl.

Could you?

I know they are.

I'm glad you and that preacher got things worked out.

I'd hate to see you go.

Been treatin' the boy real nice, too.

Paw!

Paw, Sylvia. Somethin' weird's happenin'.

Ain't mad at me, are you?

Damnit!

Why? 'Cause you're fuckin' the preacher and Paw, too?

I don't want to go back to an orphanage, Caleb.

- I know that.

The three of us got on like a house afire after that.

If we weren't plowin' the field, we were plowin' Sylvia.

We got some of the chores done some of the time.

But little by little the farm sure went to hell now that there was

not one, but three jaspers after Sylvia.

Over time it seems like we plain didn't care we was sharin' the same girl.

It was workin' out for all of us...

...we serviced the farm...

...least we tried...

...and Sylvia serviced us.

Try it again, boy!

Go on, keep tryin'. Give it some gas!

Yep. Come on! We're gettin' there!

Yep. We got it! Come on!

Honest to God, that girl was suckin' us dry.

Hellfire, boy.

You might as well just give it a rest.

Everything okay in there, Paw?

Yeah, girl.

Go out to the chicken coop and ring one of them sucker's necks for supper.

Reverend and his durn wife are comin'.

Chickens are all dead.

Figure somethin' out!

You and Caleb are good and well enough to figure somethin' out, you don't need me to figure this out!

Lost another one?

Yeah, I just don't get it.

What'd you do to Maw's dress?

Looks better this way, don't you think?

Come on, it's not like she's needs it.

I'm sorry.

Paw wants us to sort out supper.

Reverend's bringing his wife.

What's his problem?

Sick real bad.

Yeah. Well...

...I'm feelin' pretty puny myself.

I guess it'd be a mercy to slaughter that last hog.

Shit, he's about as skinny as you are.

Is not!

Ain't enough time.

Always enough time.

Darlin', I'm all gamey.

When ain't ya?

Turn around.

You reckon the Simms are in the mood for bacon?

I'll get the last of the eggs.

Thank you.

Mmhm.

...Lord for this food which is set before us.

May we use it to nourish our bodies -

- and thee to nourish our souls.

Make us ever so mindful of the needs of others -

- and the needs of our beautiful planet Earth.

And in Jesus' name we pray.

Amen.

Amen.

Y'all don't be bashful now, just go ahead and dig on in.

And what is your name, missy?

Sylvia.

You like it here on the Taggott farm?

Yes, ma'am.

Very much.

There's meat on your bones, I don't suppose they're starving you!

But you...

...look mighty peak-ed, Mr. Taggott.

And you've skinnied down a lot since I last saw you.

Huh uh.

Now that's not rightly true, the boy never quits when it comes to eatin'.

He's right.

And my husband...

Fix yourself up a plate, Mrs. Simms.

I don't think so.

This spiritual advisin' Reverend Simms has been givin' ya, how's that workin' out for ya, little missy?

Your husband's a great man.

He's shown me the wondrous ways of the Lord.

Isn't that right, Reverend?

Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! The ways of the Lord are wondrous.

The Lord works in mysterious ways.

Amen.

Yes He does.

Boy!

I'll go fix some coffee.

I ain't done yet, Sylvia.

Caleb, let go!

I ain't done yet, Sylvia!

Let go!

La Belle Dame San Merci Hath Thee Enthrall!

Let go of me!

I'll help. Why don't you sit down.

Come on, Paw.

Brother Taggott sure puts on a nice spread, don't he?!

Don't be stupid, husband!

Sylvia, what was she sayin'?

I don't know.

She's crazy.

What's goin' on?

I don't know. She's weird, isn't she, Paw?

She's like, uh -

- she' like, uh -

- George Washington on a dollar bill or somethin, you know?

Don't get me wrong, it might look right handsome on a man, but...

...I don't know, you think she's a man?

I think she knows how we been carryin' on here.

No, bullshit, no way, Paw.

Talk respectful to your paw.

Any clue what she said back there?

That mumbo jumbo she was mutterin'?

Nothin' you ever heard back where you come from?

No.

Not where I come from.

Must be Scripture. Old Testament, most likely.

Leviticus.

Whatever it was, it was scarier than shit.

Yeah, Leviticus. That's all they ever wanna talk about's Leviticus.

They don't wanna talk about Philisapheans.

""And on the third day, the Trumpesteins were struck dumb and blind.""

""And they knew not their holes from an asshole in the ground.""

Yeah, their holes. Yeah.

""Come ye for rest...""

""...ye heathen. Except for ye heathen.""

''For I will strike you dead, and throw you into a bowl of fire.''

That Reverend's a heathen.

Hey there.

Whatcha readin'?

You know it?

Oh, come on! What? It's good!

I'm teasing.

I'm on like my second or third time readin' most of these.

Time for new material.

I guess.

Hey, didn't Maw leave you any Keats?

No, I haven't seen any.

Some say he wrote a ballad about me.

Some say.

You been around a long time, huh?

Sure have.

Ain't many girls out there like you, neither.

There ain't no girls out there like me.

Hardly ate.

I ain't got no appetite.

There's something I have to tell you.

Shit, Paw, what the hell?!

The gal's got a duck in the oven!

Good, I'm starvin'. I could eat a bear, claws and all.

Hey, where'd she find a duck?

No, idiot!

She's pregnant!

Christ on a mountain.

What are we gonna do?!

We?!

What are you gonna do, I'm just a young'un, remember?!

Well, you're old enough to plow the gal.

And you're old enough to know better.

Well...

...guess I'm gonna hafta marry her.

You?!

You're old enough to be her papaw. I'll marry her.

I can't let you be no half brother to your own son it turns out the baby's mine, that's just too f'd up.

- No.

Best I be the one that marry her.

I see what you're tryin' to do and it ain't gonna work.

If I have the baby then you'd end up being...

...I don't know, it'd just be weird, Paw.

What?! Well say somethin'!

I'm gonna marry her!

Ain't gonna happen

Hey!

Either of you boys stop to think that maybe it's the Reverend's baby?

I hope not.

Shit.

What day is it?

Friday.

Reverend Simm'll know what to do.

That preacher ain't gonna lay no claim to no baby and you know it.

Reverend we got ourselves a hell of a -

- can I help you?

Where is she?

Not sure I know what you mean.

Don't fuck with me, old man. She's here, I can tell that just by lookin' at ya.

You don't know shit from Shinola.

She'll take everything you got.

I ain't got nothin' to take!

That's what you think.

She done took.

You're just too stupid to realize it.

I admit, I may have a little bit of the flu, but -

- who's this gal you're lookin' for, boy?

She killed my brother.

And my best friend.

You got any idea how that feels?

She killed my brother!

Have you any idea, any idea how that feels?!

Now where the fuck is she?!

Get off me, asshole!!!

I had to do it, Paw.

I couldn't let 'em take her.

Couldn't let 'em do it.

Don't worry. He can't hurt ya no more.

You and the girl start cleanin' up this mess.

Reverend'll be here soon.

I'm gonna get cleaned up.

Where do you think you're going?

It's Friday. Time for my spiritual advisin' with the gal out on the Taggott farm.

Remember?

I remember.

Been a long time since you pulled out the bow.

Haven't needed to.

I don't think so.

You're not going.

Oh. I see.

You're not very bright. Are you, husband?

I got straight A's at seminary school.

He ain't gonna need 'em walkin' around in hell.

Evenin', friends!

Set yourself a fire I see.

Hm. Nice.

Just burning some trash. You wanna jump in?

'His Word was in mine heart as a burnin' fire shut up in my bones.'

Got somethin' I need your ear on, Reverend.

Well, do make it quick, brother. It's been a long day.

Seems Mrs. Simms don't altogether understand my importance to the gal.

Don't you ever shut up that yap trap?

Guess I gotta come right out and say it.

Yeah, best to say whatever you got to say.

I would if you'd let me.

Okay.

The gal's got a baby on the way.

So you're gonna hafta marry her.

No! I can't be marryin'her! Mrs. Simms is not gonna like that at all!

Not to yourself, moron! To one of us!

Well, that's different.

Well, you boys, we'll figure this one out right here.

Uh, let's go inside and discuss this.

Missy, you come with me, and we'll let them figure it out.

Now come on. You're lookin' nice tonight, you know that?

Keepin' yourself all nice and trim, I like that...

Don't suppose neither one of you are flexible on this then?

Nope.

Right.

So, it's a matter of figuring out which one of you I'm gonna marry to the gal

All legal and proper in the church, of course.

Don't I have a say in this?

'Fraid not, child.

Let the grown-up folks sort this out.

Grown-ups what got us into this mess.

How 'bout a nip, Parson?

Brother Taggott, that sounds like a wonderful idea, sir, thank you.

Can't I have none, Paw?

You're just a young'un.

I just thought under these circumstances that maybe...

Circumstances are rather extenuating, Brother Taggott, don't you think?

Thank you, Paw.

You're welcome.

- Son of a bitch! - Christ in a crick!

Ah! Lordy, Lordy! Woo!

Now who even says I wanna get married to either of you, hm?

Hardscrabble townspeople of Bigelow don't look kindly on unmarried mothers.

Thank you, sir.

Woo!

Hey, why not just toss a coin?

That just leaves it to luck.

Should be a game of some sort.

Involving some kind of skill.

You, uh, you got a pack of cards in the house?

Dice?

Nope.

Oh. Well, I'm mighty pleased to hear you don't have those instruments of

the devil in your house, Brother Taggott, but how in tarnation on you gonna decide?

They got them games at the county fair. We could do a sack race.

Sack race?

Boy, you know I blew out my knees when I fell off the tractor.

Can't be hoppin' around like no bunny in a bag.

What about greased pig?

Now, I know you can catch a greased pig, you ain't too old for that.

I saw you just catch one last year.

The boy's right. We're both a caution with a greased pig.

Well, then it would be a fair contest.

Only thing is, Paw, we ain't got no pigs.

No pigs?!

Ugh! We butchered the last hog to feed you and Mrs. Simms. I plumb forgot.

I declare.

The problems just increase and multiply.

Let us just set here and moment and have this drop of refreshment.

Might help jog the brain.

Sylvia! We could grease Sylvia!

Excuse me?!

Yeah. It'll be fun.

If the preacher an' me was stone-cold sober, that idea would go no further than this room.

The uh... The idea don't sound half-bad, brother.

Even fitting!

After all, it is the gal who's the prize so to speak.

Why shouldn't she be the one to get greased?! Heehee!

Alright.

Let's do it.

But, if you can't catch me -

- I don't have to marry either of you.

But, Sylvia...

I like that gal.

Nice tushy, too, I'll tell you.

That's enough of that shit, Reverend!

Got a niiiiiice...

I don't give a damn!

That's right, you rub her all down, boy.

That's good, boobies, too. That's good, yeah...

Oh, yeah, I like that.

God-Almighty, that's nice.

Ew, that's sloppy stuff you got there.

You ain't smeared hog grease over a pretty little naked gal with your bare hands, you ain't livin'.

Seems the gal has soaked up all the pig fat her sweet little body can accommodate.

Say, Reverend, uh -

- wouldn't it be more fair and square if Paw and I got nekkid, too?

- Nekkid?! Butt-nekkid?! - Hell yeah!

No, boy, this is as far as I'm gonna go, there's a snap in the air.

The boy's got a point, brother. If you're both Adam-naked -

- then nobody can say the winners clothes were rougher than the loser's -

- it would equalize things.

I'm too old for this Mickey Mouse bullshit.

Now, Brother Taggott, your years entitle you to the first try.

Alright, but on one condition:

That gal's gotta be all re-greased up.

I ain't fool enough to wipe off all that sweet grease just to give the boy an easy time of it.

Don't you worry, Brother Taggott, I will be happy to re-grease her for you.

The hell you will!

Now, gentlemen, this timepiece was owned by a gambling man, he used it to clock horses -

Go fuck an iceberg, already, I'm hankerin' to get my arms around her.

Now, you each will have sixty seconds to catch her, but before we begin, I suggest we signalize the occasion -

- hey! We're gonna signalize the occasion by having a snort from that mason jar. I wanna go first.

I'll do that.

Goddamn!

C'mon, Paw!

Woo! You ready, Brother Taggott?

I'm ready!

Go get 'er!

Woo!

Look at that old fucker go!

He's gonna fall down.

Holy shit! Look at 'em! LOOK AT 'EM!!!

He's gonna squish 'er.

Oh, damn, he fell down. He shit himself.

Go get 'er! Don't fall down, you dummy!

Ohhhhh! Watch out!

You're crazy! Get her!

Time's up! Time's up!

You alright?

You dead?

I ain't dead!

I'm sick!

And I'm old!

Help me up, boy.

Help me up.

Little titty-boobies slid clean outta my hands like a coupla skinned peaches.

I saw.

""Hey!""

My turn! My turn!

Go get 'er!

Look at that boy go!

C'mon, she's a little girl, take her down, you can do it!

She got a nice tushy! Look at that, just bouncin' like a little bubble-butt!

Go get 'er, C'mon on, boy!

I win!

We're gettin' married!

Get off of me!

That boy can move, I tell you!

I suggest a short engagement. How's Sunday morning suit you?

Ten o'clock?

Don't come no earlier. I'm baptizing the DeBarbieri baby at nine.

- Lili DeBarbieri? - Yessir.

I thought her husband Mayford had his parts shot off in a bird huntin' mishap.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, Brother Taggott: The ways of the Lord are wondrous.

Amen.

Has the gal a wedding dress? Perhaps the one the boy's maw wore.

No, I'm afraid Maw was buried in it.

Well, I don't guess we should dig her up, then.

- Gross - Ewww

Been thinkin' 'bout what it's gonna be like to be married with a kid and all.

Don't like it?

I don't know yet.

Paw was right, I am just a young'un.

Yeah, well like it or not...

If I had this baby without being married this town would have my head on a stick.

You heard the preacher.

Hey, Paw.

You had to have ol' Paw one more time before you married the boy.

Easy, easy, girl.

Caleb, Wake up!

What time is it?

I don't know, get up!

- Why? The livestock's all dead... - It's Paw!

Chrissakes, girl.

Paw!

Jesus Christ, Paw. What the hell happened?

There's more of them. They're still after me.

- No, I woulda heard 'em. -You were blacked out.

Shit, I got all drunk. Passed out on Paw...

They didn't even know we were here.

Poor Paw.

We aren't safe here anymore.

I know.

Fuck.

- I don't know nothin' 'bout raisin' no baby, Sylvia. - Me neither. We'll figure it out, okay?

I guess so.

- I'll grab the keys, alright? - Alright.

Got 'em.

Power of prayer. That's a good idea.

What is it?

- You tell me. - How should I know?

- You didn't do this to Maw's bible?! - No, I didn't do that!

- Don't lie to me, Sylvia! - Caleb!

- Don't you lie to me. - Caleb, let go, I didn't do that!

Why would I do that?!

Yeah, you're right. Why would ya?

Musta been those assholes tryin' to scare us. I'm sorry.

Yeah, I guess so.

Shit, I'm sorry.

Aw, son of a bitch.

Alright, look, man, I don't want any trouble.

I don't want no trouble. All's I want are my pictures.

- Looks like you ain't hung no more posters, either. - That was the trouble.

She with you?

Yeah.

She's pretty.

Not like the chic in them photos.

- You looked at my pictures? - Nah. Huh-uh.

Alright, eleven bucks.

Shoot, man, why don't you try some antibodies?

Get some antibodies in ya.

Ever hear of antibodies, or what?

I wasn't in such a hurry I'd ring your bell.

Mm-hm. I bet you would.

Sylvia, wake up.

Somebody coulda seen you. Gotta stay alert.

Oh, Jesus.

What's happenin' to us?

We're dyin'.

- I need you to make love to me. - Sylvia, you're crazy, we need help!

Well, where are they?

Hope they didn't change their mind.

Yeah, they shoulda been here by now.

Oh, boy. I hope they're not having second thoughts.

Want some water?

It's my mama.

What else do you see?

Oh God, Sylvia.

That's not you.

""I think I'm gonna like it here.""

- That's not you. - It is me.

No it's not. It's not fucking you.

What's going on? Sylvia, you tell me what the fuck is going on.

- Oh, Caleb, don't grieve. - Don't grieve?!

Goddamnit, Sylvia

- What the fuck is going on?! Tell me right now! - You know

What do I know?

- Tell me right now. - The morning star? The chill in the air?

- Don't fucking touch me. - ""The Lady in the Meads""

All that time spent reading and you never got to know Keats.

Really such a shame.

- You fucking killed Paw. - I saved Paw.

You fucking killed Paw!

Why?

What about the baby?

There's no baby, silly.

There's no fuckin' baby?

There's no... ?

- Goddamnit, Sylvia. - I'm sorry.

Sorry?!

There's no fucking baby?! Sylvia, there's not fucking baby?!

Sylvia, I fucking loved you.

Why?

I do it so I don't have to fade like you -

- So I can shine on forever.

You killed her.

She really wasn't from around here.

No.

- Pennsylvania or somethin'. - No, boy. Not Pennsylvania.

Mrs. Simms?

Mrs. Simms!

Seems Mrs. Simms knew what we was up against the minute she laid eyes on Sylvia.

Knew she wasn't like regular folk.

Caleb And lookin' back I suppose we probably shoulda known, too.

Mrs. Simms said Sylvia was nothin' but foreign trash.

Said she was a suck-you-somethin' or other.

Said they had lots of 'em where Sylvia come from.

Said there was all kinds of books and poems written about 'em, too.

But sometimes at night, I miss her somethin' fierce.

And it don't matter a hill of beans if she was what Mrs. Simms said she was or not.

'Cause if I had to do it over again, I'd do it just the same.

But what do I know? I'm just a young'un.