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1
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[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
2
00:00:03,501 --> 00:00:04,715
You're late.
3
00:00:04,726 --> 00:00:07,599
I didn't invest in Lop-E.Z.
Movers to lose money.
4
00:00:07,610 --> 00:00:10,563
Didn't you put this client
meeting in your calendar?
5
00:00:10,792 --> 00:00:12,551
I don't have a calendar.
6
00:00:13,351 --> 00:00:15,217
On the day of a move, I get
a call from the client saying,
7
00:00:15,228 --> 00:00:16,688
"Where the hell are you?"
8
00:00:16,699 --> 00:00:19,161
Then I tell 'em, "Around the corner."
And I jump in the shower.
9
00:00:21,809 --> 00:00:25,210
Landing this commercial
move would be big for us.
10
00:00:25,221 --> 00:00:26,271
There's the client.
11
00:00:26,282 --> 00:00:28,568
Remember the number
one rule in business.
12
00:00:28,579 --> 00:00:30,963
Shut up. Let me do the talking.
13
00:00:31,035 --> 00:00:34,287
Hi, there, I'm George Lopez,
founder of Lop-E.Z. Movers.
14
00:00:34,329 --> 00:00:37,497
As you can see, I only have the
strongest members on my crew.
15
00:00:37,539 --> 00:00:41,042
Momo here can do 50 push-ups.
16
00:00:41,053 --> 00:00:42,065
He's right.
17
00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:44,992
I pushed up 50 of my cousins
over the fence at the border.
18
00:00:46,572 --> 00:00:48,531
And I've hired them all.
19
00:00:48,686 --> 00:00:52,569
Lop-E.Z. Movers, a sanctuary business.
20
00:00:53,514 --> 00:00:57,017
You're literally lifting
up your community.
21
00:00:57,218 --> 00:01:01,564
90% of our profits goes to
a Latina businesswoman...
22
00:01:01,597 --> 00:01:02,970
me.
23
00:01:03,858 --> 00:01:05,171
I reviewed your bid.
24
00:01:05,182 --> 00:01:08,517
I just need to talk to one
more Latino-run moving company.
25
00:01:08,661 --> 00:01:11,462
- Maybe you know the owner.
- Oh, so why is that?
26
00:01:11,473 --> 00:01:13,644
Because I'm Latino, we have
to know every other Latino?
27
00:01:13,655 --> 00:01:16,289
- Jorge, hey, George!
- [LAUGHS]
28
00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:19,745
Danny Martinez.
29
00:01:19,756 --> 00:01:21,572
- So you do know each other.
- Mm.
30
00:01:21,650 --> 00:01:24,821
Thank goodness. I was
sweating there for a second.
31
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George used to work for Danny.
32
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He was kind of his mentor.
33
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Oh, I'll give you two
a moment to catch up.
34
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This is the part where I quiet
my own voice to amplify yours.
35
00:01:37,341 --> 00:01:40,802
You seem to have a lot
of bankable white guilt.
36
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Why don't we discuss
your insurance needs?
37
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I'm excited to meet your mentor,
38
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you know, since you're my mentor.
39
00:01:48,710 --> 00:01:50,064
I'm not your mentor.
40
00:01:50,075 --> 00:01:52,201
What you trying to do? Turn
this into "The Momo Show"?
41
00:01:53,403 --> 00:01:56,080
"The George Lopez Show" is on right now.
42
00:01:56,164 --> 00:01:58,331
We don't have any room for guest stars.
43
00:01:59,609 --> 00:02:03,252
This guy been trying to pull
me down my entire career.
44
00:02:03,465 --> 00:02:07,390
George, I know we've had
our differences in the past,
45
00:02:07,568 --> 00:02:10,428
- but I'm a changed man now.
- You've changed?
46
00:02:10,439 --> 00:02:12,876
You've had that same ponytail
for the last 30 years.
47
00:02:12,887 --> 00:02:17,480
And let me tell you something.
It's not as cool as you think it looks.
48
00:02:17,723 --> 00:02:19,668
I think it's badass.
49
00:02:20,157 --> 00:02:22,137
George, I'm a new man,
50
00:02:22,148 --> 00:02:26,234
ever since I started
practicing the art of tai chi.
51
00:02:27,521 --> 00:02:30,683
It's helped my rage and my "siratica."
52
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I don't care about your
"siratica" or your chai tea.
53
00:02:35,742 --> 00:02:38,225
Once I named my
business Lop-E.Z. Movers,
54
00:02:38,236 --> 00:02:39,577
he named his business
55
00:02:39,588 --> 00:02:42,382
Martin-E.Z. Movers to steal customers.
56
00:02:42,393 --> 00:02:43,853
I was E.Z. first.
57
00:02:43,864 --> 00:02:46,616
It's pronounced "Martin-eez,"
58
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because white people love martinis,
59
00:02:49,543 --> 00:02:52,094
like they love donuts, tacos,
60
00:02:52,105 --> 00:02:54,093
and the "Spy Kids" trilogy.
61
00:02:57,307 --> 00:02:59,056
Oh, yeah.
62
00:02:59,672 --> 00:03:02,549
[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
63
00:03:02,718 --> 00:03:09,716
? ?
64
00:03:09,953 --> 00:03:14,951
- Synced and corrected by naFraC -
- www.addic7ed.com -
65
00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:18,361
There you are. Mommy
meeting is about to start.
66
00:03:18,372 --> 00:03:19,956
I have been stalling
for as long as I can,
67
00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:23,094
but we have already discussed
the entire "Vanderpump" saga.
68
00:03:23,105 --> 00:03:25,524
Oh, thanks.
69
00:03:25,535 --> 00:03:26,996
You know, this rabbit was in labor,
70
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and it just kept going
and going and going.
71
00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:31,480
Hey. It's okay.
72
00:03:31,677 --> 00:03:34,218
I'm just glad you can make it
now that your night classes are done.
73
00:03:34,239 --> 00:03:36,782
Yeah, you know, hopefully,
I can take it over from here
74
00:03:36,824 --> 00:03:38,575
and you can join the daddy group.
75
00:03:38,855 --> 00:03:41,267
There is no daddy group.
76
00:03:41,653 --> 00:03:43,775
I tried to start one, but the dads,
77
00:03:43,786 --> 00:03:46,705
they just kept forwarding
all the messages to the moms.
78
00:03:47,147 --> 00:03:49,624
Okay. Well, who do I talk to
79
00:03:49,635 --> 00:03:51,152
about getting on the mommy group text?
80
00:03:51,163 --> 00:03:52,997
Don't rush it.
81
00:03:53,113 --> 00:03:55,823
Natalia will let you
in when she's ready.
82
00:03:55,834 --> 00:03:58,911
Is Natalia that super mom
who runs every committee?
83
00:03:58,922 --> 00:04:01,955
Yes. And she controls who
gets invited to play dates.
84
00:04:01,965 --> 00:04:03,195
So if she doesn't like us,
85
00:04:03,206 --> 00:04:04,998
Chance will end up being the lonely boy
86
00:04:05,009 --> 00:04:07,302
playing with worms under the bleachers.
87
00:04:07,705 --> 00:04:09,346
Don't worry, babe.
88
00:04:09,417 --> 00:04:11,377
We're two Latina moms.
89
00:04:11,388 --> 00:04:13,004
She's probably going to
be happy I'm there now,
90
00:04:13,014 --> 00:04:14,933
because we speak the same language.
91
00:04:15,094 --> 00:04:17,627
Unless she speaks Spanish.
In that case, we don't.
92
00:04:21,020 --> 00:04:23,688
And that's when I said,
"Hard-boiled eggs for lunch?
93
00:04:23,730 --> 00:04:26,398
What is this, Guant�namo?" [LAUGHTER]
94
00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:27,819
[LAUGHS]
95
00:04:27,830 --> 00:04:29,814
Natalia, you are a hoot and a half.
96
00:04:30,021 --> 00:04:31,580
Guant�na-yes to that joke.
97
00:04:31,591 --> 00:04:35,685
[LAUGHS] Oh, you must be Mayan.
98
00:04:35,696 --> 00:04:38,406
It is so great to finally meet you.
99
00:04:38,678 --> 00:04:40,565
We missed you at the last...
100
00:04:40,606 --> 00:04:42,858
every meeting we've ever had.
101
00:04:43,336 --> 00:04:45,953
Yeah, sorry, I've just been
so busy working at the vet,
102
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and I was taking night classes.
103
00:04:47,971 --> 00:04:49,286
I try to do it all...
104
00:04:49,297 --> 00:04:52,360
bring home the bacon and wrap
it around a little smokie.
105
00:04:52,737 --> 00:04:54,738
Bacon-wrapped little smokie?
106
00:04:56,178 --> 00:04:58,138
I never eat meat wrapped in meat.
107
00:04:59,783 --> 00:05:02,245
Anyway, we were just discussing
108
00:05:02,256 --> 00:05:04,340
what our next school event should be.
109
00:05:04,596 --> 00:05:07,390
Oh, what about Career Day?
110
00:05:07,401 --> 00:05:09,635
You know, the kids can
learn about different jobs,
111
00:05:09,646 --> 00:05:13,975
and I can bring in some
animals from my work.
112
00:05:13,986 --> 00:05:15,394
ALL: Aww.
113
00:05:15,405 --> 00:05:17,370
That is adorable.
114
00:05:17,381 --> 00:05:20,634
- I'm allergic.
- I will turn it into a stew.
115
00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:24,342
What about Culture Day?
116
00:05:24,353 --> 00:05:26,145
- ALL: Ooh.
- Yeah.
117
00:05:26,289 --> 00:05:28,565
Families can bring in foods and items
118
00:05:28,576 --> 00:05:31,161
from their unique cultural backgrounds.
119
00:05:31,172 --> 00:05:33,924
Yeah, and maybe the kids
can come dressed in costumes
120
00:05:33,935 --> 00:05:35,766
that represent their culture.
121
00:05:35,777 --> 00:05:37,654
Mayan, we can't have kids showing up
122
00:05:37,664 --> 00:05:39,290
in problematic headdresses.
123
00:05:39,394 --> 00:05:40,868
This isn't Coachella.
124
00:05:40,879 --> 00:05:43,214
[LAUGHTER]
125
00:05:43,748 --> 00:05:46,000
Oh, but don't worry.
126
00:05:46,076 --> 00:05:47,785
We'll figure it out in the group text.
127
00:05:47,796 --> 00:05:50,673
Oh, about that, I'd love to be added.
128
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:52,861
Oh, no need.
Quinten can just fill you in.
129
00:05:52,872 --> 00:05:54,643
He keeps us very entertained.
130
00:05:54,654 --> 00:05:57,709
He's like the Andy
Cohen of our mom squad.
131
00:05:58,336 --> 00:06:00,254
You ladies are incorrigible.
132
00:06:00,265 --> 00:06:03,434
[LAUGHTER]
133
00:06:03,445 --> 00:06:06,363
[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
134
00:06:06,548 --> 00:06:08,257
? ?
135
00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:11,100
No one would even touch
these after Natalia said,
136
00:06:11,111 --> 00:06:14,094
"I don't eat meat wrapped in meat."
137
00:06:15,176 --> 00:06:16,334
That's crazy.
138
00:06:16,345 --> 00:06:19,806
The outside meat enhances
the flavor of the inside meat.
139
00:06:22,130 --> 00:06:24,912
Look, everyone just goes
along with what Natalia says.
140
00:06:24,923 --> 00:06:27,627
Once she assumed I was from Florida.
141
00:06:27,638 --> 00:06:29,682
So now I'm from Florida.
142
00:06:29,921 --> 00:06:31,338
I bought jorts.
143
00:06:32,833 --> 00:06:34,805
She won't even let me contribute.
144
00:06:34,816 --> 00:06:36,442
I mean, what does she have against me?
145
00:06:36,453 --> 00:06:38,677
- Is she Latina?
- Yeah, so?
146
00:06:38,688 --> 00:06:40,820
- She's a bucket crab.
- What's that?
147
00:06:40,831 --> 00:06:42,280
It's when Latinos try
to pull each other down
148
00:06:42,291 --> 00:06:43,500
like crabs in a bucket.
149
00:06:43,511 --> 00:06:45,762
It's what Danny Martinez
has been doing to me.
150
00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:47,393
Dad, we're talking about my thing.
151
00:06:47,404 --> 00:06:49,603
See, when I first opened my business,
152
00:06:50,373 --> 00:06:53,182
Danny wanted to be the only
successful Latino mover in town.
153
00:06:53,193 --> 00:06:54,979
So what'd he do? He stole my name,
154
00:06:54,990 --> 00:06:57,295
tore up my flyers, and
tried to poach my employees
155
00:06:57,306 --> 00:06:59,286
by offering them minimum wage.
156
00:07:00,322 --> 00:07:02,574
My generation of
Latin�s doesn't do that.
157
00:07:02,585 --> 00:07:04,002
We support each other.
158
00:07:04,013 --> 00:07:06,567
Natalia's not a bucket crab.
She just doesn't like me.
159
00:07:06,578 --> 00:07:08,531
Sounds to me like
she's knocking you down
160
00:07:08,542 --> 00:07:11,632
so that she can be the only
Latina mom in the group that shines.
161
00:07:11,673 --> 00:07:13,675
No, I'm sure there's other Latina moms
162
00:07:13,686 --> 00:07:15,770
in the group who shine, right, Quinten?
163
00:07:15,874 --> 00:07:17,334
There's two others.
164
00:07:17,345 --> 00:07:19,012
But I do not know their names
165
00:07:19,023 --> 00:07:21,316
because Natalia calls them
number two and number three.
166
00:07:23,502 --> 00:07:25,480
You see, number four?
167
00:07:26,142 --> 00:07:27,981
I know what I'm talking
about, Mayan. Trust me.
168
00:07:27,992 --> 00:07:30,296
I've been dealing with
crabs since my early 20s.
169
00:07:31,892 --> 00:07:34,811
Good news. We got the job.
170
00:07:34,822 --> 00:07:38,949
The client loved you, even
after meeting you in person.
171
00:07:39,759 --> 00:07:41,902
Because I'm irresistible to white women.
172
00:07:41,913 --> 00:07:43,820
They like me, because I
smell like a coconut drink
173
00:07:43,831 --> 00:07:45,629
they can drink on Rosarito Beach
174
00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:48,058
while they're getting
their hair braided.
175
00:07:50,665 --> 00:07:52,375
Well, she also loved Danny,
176
00:07:52,386 --> 00:07:54,942
so she suggested that
you do it together.
177
00:07:54,953 --> 00:07:56,453
No way. Absolutely not.
178
00:07:56,495 --> 00:07:59,018
I'm not working with
that Mexican Rapunzel.
179
00:07:59,781 --> 00:08:01,229
You have no choice.
180
00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:03,992
This client loves
supporting Latino businesses.
181
00:08:04,003 --> 00:08:05,785
I don't know what
skeletons are in her closet,
182
00:08:05,796 --> 00:08:07,917
but they're probably
named Paco and Chuy.
183
00:08:08,692 --> 00:08:10,514
[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
184
00:08:13,156 --> 00:08:15,497
[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
185
00:08:16,087 --> 00:08:17,789
It's nice you came to
pick up Chance with me.
186
00:08:17,799 --> 00:08:19,678
Yeah, well, I realized as a mom,
187
00:08:19,689 --> 00:08:22,894
I really should spend
more time with Natalia.
188
00:08:23,395 --> 00:08:25,982
I am getting on that mommy group text.
189
00:08:26,764 --> 00:08:27,975
Mayan?
190
00:08:27,986 --> 00:08:31,263
I've never seen you on
school grounds before.
191
00:08:31,675 --> 00:08:34,138
Did security give you a hassle?
192
00:08:34,405 --> 00:08:37,870
It's okay! She's actually a parent!
193
00:08:38,095 --> 00:08:40,053
A working parent.
194
00:08:40,095 --> 00:08:42,558
But I pick up Chance all the time.
195
00:08:42,921 --> 00:08:45,808
Mommy? What are you doing here?
196
00:08:47,179 --> 00:08:50,437
It's okay! She's actually my mommy!
197
00:08:52,194 --> 00:08:53,739
Okay, so for Culture Day,
198
00:08:53,750 --> 00:08:55,045
I was thinking you could bring
199
00:08:55,056 --> 00:08:57,895
one of your traditional Florida dishes.
200
00:08:58,132 --> 00:08:59,295
[IN SOUTHERN ACCENT] I got a whole mess
201
00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:01,687
of gator nuggets fixin' to fry.
202
00:09:03,435 --> 00:09:05,981
Oh, I'll be coming too,
so what can I bring?
203
00:09:06,023 --> 00:09:07,946
Oh, okay.
204
00:09:07,957 --> 00:09:11,121
How about spanakopita?
205
00:09:11,132 --> 00:09:13,336
Ooh, or tzatziki?
206
00:09:14,415 --> 00:09:15,422
Why?
207
00:09:15,433 --> 00:09:18,006
Because you're Greek. Right?
208
00:09:18,048 --> 00:09:20,110
I mean... [CHUCKLES]
209
00:09:20,170 --> 00:09:21,923
The eyebrows.
210
00:09:24,166 --> 00:09:26,277
No. I'm Mexican and Cuban.
211
00:09:26,288 --> 00:09:28,668
No way. Me too.
212
00:09:28,679 --> 00:09:30,647
Well, whatever booth you want is yours.
213
00:09:30,658 --> 00:09:33,789
- Oh, then I'll take Mexico.
- Oh, that one's mine.
214
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:35,657
Okay, well, what about Cuba?
215
00:09:35,668 --> 00:09:37,923
- Oh, also mine.
- [CHUCKLES]
216
00:09:37,934 --> 00:09:39,645
I'm a quarter Dominican.
217
00:09:39,717 --> 00:09:42,543
I'm covering all of Latin America.
218
00:09:43,543 --> 00:09:45,761
So what's available?
219
00:09:46,424 --> 00:09:47,622
Greece.
220
00:09:49,028 --> 00:09:52,161
[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
221
00:09:52,202 --> 00:09:53,998
? ?
222
00:09:54,115 --> 00:09:57,338
I can't believe I'm stuck working
with someone I can't stand.
223
00:09:57,349 --> 00:09:58,894
You get used to it.
224
00:10:00,910 --> 00:10:03,644
You don't get it. Danny's going to
sabotage me like he always does.
225
00:10:03,655 --> 00:10:05,050
That guy's only out for himself.
226
00:10:05,061 --> 00:10:07,317
Hey, I brought donuts.
227
00:10:09,571 --> 00:10:11,397
Oh, so thoughtful,
228
00:10:11,408 --> 00:10:14,206
and thank you again for
being open to collaborating.
229
00:10:14,217 --> 00:10:17,433
- [CHUCKLES]
- Teamwork makes the dream work.
230
00:10:18,309 --> 00:10:20,666
George, we packed all these boxes.
231
00:10:20,677 --> 00:10:21,951
You guys can move them.
232
00:10:21,962 --> 00:10:24,049
- All right.
- Let's go, guys.
233
00:10:24,060 --> 00:10:27,149
- You see?
- Danny's not trying to hurt you.
234
00:10:28,820 --> 00:10:30,197
Augh!
235
00:10:30,718 --> 00:10:32,680
You see that? He rigged this on purpose!
236
00:10:32,785 --> 00:10:36,126
All right, the crab has
come out of the cocoon.
237
00:10:37,743 --> 00:10:40,457
[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
238
00:10:40,730 --> 00:10:42,632
I think your spanakopita
might be ready...
239
00:10:42,643 --> 00:10:44,006
[SNIFFS]
240
00:10:44,017 --> 00:10:45,654
20 minutes ago.
241
00:10:46,236 --> 00:10:47,781
Ooh.
242
00:10:48,015 --> 00:10:50,186
Oh, come on.
243
00:10:50,197 --> 00:10:52,118
Augh. [SIGHS]
244
00:10:52,268 --> 00:10:54,289
Natalia knows I'm not Greek.
245
00:10:54,436 --> 00:10:55,906
She just doesn't want me to outshine her
246
00:10:55,917 --> 00:10:59,304
with my delicious
Mexican or Cuban dishes.
247
00:11:00,134 --> 00:11:02,873
You don't know how to
cook those foods either.
248
00:11:03,433 --> 00:11:06,647
But my mom does, and I
could have taken the credit.
249
00:11:06,689 --> 00:11:09,403
[LINE TRILLING]
250
00:11:09,782 --> 00:11:11,721
Oh, it's Natalia.
251
00:11:12,232 --> 00:11:14,820
- [PHONE CHIMES]
- Hola, hermana.
252
00:11:14,831 --> 00:11:18,724
Oh, hi, hermana.
253
00:11:19,812 --> 00:11:21,274
I just wanted to let you know
254
00:11:21,285 --> 00:11:23,581
that you don't have to
stress about the Greek booth.
255
00:11:23,859 --> 00:11:24,883
What? [CHUCKLES]
256
00:11:24,894 --> 00:11:28,275
No, I haven't burned anything.
257
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,048
We found someone else.
258
00:11:30,059 --> 00:11:32,523
Kendra just got back from Santorini,
259
00:11:32,534 --> 00:11:35,270
so she's a little closer to the culture.
260
00:11:36,710 --> 00:11:37,767
Good news.
261
00:11:37,778 --> 00:11:41,459
You don't have to do
anything or even show up.
262
00:11:41,470 --> 00:11:43,725
I got to run. Besitos.
263
00:11:47,147 --> 00:11:48,723
Dad, you were right.
264
00:11:48,734 --> 00:11:50,513
Natalia is a bucket crab.
265
00:11:50,524 --> 00:11:53,035
Then do to her what I'ma
do to Danny tomorrow.
266
00:11:53,206 --> 00:11:54,547
Crab his ass.
267
00:11:56,384 --> 00:11:58,100
Oh, I will.
268
00:11:58,171 --> 00:12:00,728
I'm going to show up loud and proud,
269
00:12:00,739 --> 00:12:02,368
and I'm going to boil that crab
270
00:12:02,379 --> 00:12:05,842
right out of her Jessica
Simpson ballet flats.
271
00:12:06,167 --> 00:12:07,377
You know what?
272
00:12:07,388 --> 00:12:09,560
Group text be damned.
I've got your back.
273
00:12:09,571 --> 00:12:11,227
Let's go crabbing.
274
00:12:12,545 --> 00:12:14,862
Take it easy, all right?
When we crab, it's courageous.
275
00:12:14,872 --> 00:12:17,802
When you crab, it's racist.
276
00:12:19,496 --> 00:12:23,337
Then I will quiet my
claw to amplify yours.
277
00:12:24,049 --> 00:12:25,576
[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
278
00:12:28,198 --> 00:12:29,652
[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
279
00:12:30,269 --> 00:12:31,383
Hey.
280
00:12:32,096 --> 00:12:34,692
Have you seen my guys? They
seem to have disappeared.
281
00:12:34,703 --> 00:12:37,470
Huh, you can't find your guys?
How unprofessional.
282
00:12:40,789 --> 00:12:43,289
I gave his employees some
of Mayan's spana-caca.
283
00:12:43,965 --> 00:12:45,884
They'll be in the porta
potties all afternoon,
284
00:12:45,895 --> 00:12:48,900
squeezing out a big fat Greek rrrt!
285
00:12:50,466 --> 00:12:52,345
Bucket crabbing is so old-school.
286
00:12:52,473 --> 00:12:54,942
- Shouldn't we break the cycle?
- You're right.
287
00:12:54,953 --> 00:12:57,279
We'll cut the brakes
on his motorcycle next.
288
00:13:00,283 --> 00:13:02,161
Hey, Danny, you know,
the elevator's broken.
289
00:13:02,172 --> 00:13:04,207
Man, do you mind taking
these boxes marked "fragile"
290
00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:06,687
- downstairs for me?
- Got it. I got it.
291
00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:08,946
I got it.
292
00:13:10,102 --> 00:13:12,982
- [OBJECTS SHATTERING]
- I still got it!
293
00:13:18,032 --> 00:13:21,246
You messed with the dolly,
George, to make me look bad.
294
00:13:21,288 --> 00:13:24,196
Or did I mess with it
to make myself look good?
295
00:13:24,906 --> 00:13:27,454
Big mistake, Lopez.
296
00:13:27,570 --> 00:13:30,001
What you gonna do? You gonna
try some of that "tai cheese" on me?
297
00:13:30,012 --> 00:13:31,060
Hey.
298
00:13:31,556 --> 00:13:34,728
I could kill a man four
ways with one finger.
299
00:13:34,977 --> 00:13:37,315
You brought a finger to a crab fight?
300
00:13:37,356 --> 00:13:39,234
[BOTH GRUNTING]
301
00:13:39,503 --> 00:13:42,635
Huh? Shouldn't I have
been dead six pokes ago?
302
00:13:43,282 --> 00:13:45,156
Oh, it's like that, huh? Come on, then!
303
00:13:45,167 --> 00:13:46,544
[GRUNTS] Oh.
304
00:13:48,505 --> 00:13:49,849
Wow!
305
00:13:50,131 --> 00:13:51,925
My little pony.
306
00:13:53,344 --> 00:13:56,224
What the hell is going on here,
307
00:13:56,235 --> 00:13:58,864
and why is George holding a weave?
308
00:13:58,875 --> 00:14:02,757
- He sabotaged me.
- His ponytail's a clip-on.
309
00:14:03,138 --> 00:14:06,352
Okay, that's it.
Group meeting right now.
310
00:14:06,604 --> 00:14:08,992
That's a good idea, 'cause
I got a lot of questions.
311
00:14:09,034 --> 00:14:12,706
[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
312
00:14:12,717 --> 00:14:14,805
Surprise, babosos, I lied.
313
00:14:14,877 --> 00:14:16,384
There's no meeting.
314
00:14:16,395 --> 00:14:19,176
I'm locking you two in
here until you figure out
315
00:14:19,187 --> 00:14:22,943
how to stop pinching
and fingering each other.
316
00:14:28,224 --> 00:14:30,459
Hey, take this.
317
00:14:30,735 --> 00:14:32,739
You look weird without it.
318
00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:35,762
[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
319
00:14:35,871 --> 00:14:38,917
? ?
320
00:14:41,700 --> 00:14:43,494
- Hello, Natalia.
- Oh.
321
00:14:43,505 --> 00:14:46,343
- Gator nugget?
- Mmm.
322
00:14:46,509 --> 00:14:49,222
Those are going to pair
nicely with my mole verde,
323
00:14:49,233 --> 00:14:51,820
featured in "Latina"
magazine March 2016.
324
00:14:53,401 --> 00:14:56,112
I bet Mayan was pretty relieved
she didn't have to come, huh?
325
00:14:56,123 --> 00:14:57,310
Oh, no, she's coming.
326
00:14:57,321 --> 00:15:00,031
And she is actually very
excited to share her heritage.
327
00:15:00,042 --> 00:15:02,749
[DELINQUENT HABITS' "TRES DELINQUENTES]
328
00:15:02,790 --> 00:15:05,002
? ?
329
00:15:05,044 --> 00:15:07,757
[ENGINE RUMBLING]
330
00:15:07,798 --> 00:15:10,595
? ?
331
00:15:10,637 --> 00:15:13,350
? I flex my brasos hard-core
down for the clicka' ?
332
00:15:13,391 --> 00:15:15,218
? Who's that emanating
funk through the speaka' ?
333
00:15:15,228 --> 00:15:17,982
? Bass gets to thumpin'
ruckas get to pumpin' ?
334
00:15:18,024 --> 00:15:19,760
? Who's that rockin' got
the party start jumpin' ?
335
00:15:19,771 --> 00:15:20,909
[ENGINE REVVING]
336
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,288
Orale.
337
00:15:27,443 --> 00:15:29,489
What's up, fools?
338
00:15:31,478 --> 00:15:35,108
This Mexicana, Cubana, y Dominicana
339
00:15:35,119 --> 00:15:38,221
is here to celebrate Culture Day.
340
00:15:38,232 --> 00:15:42,774
[HIGH-PITCHED HOLLERING]
341
00:15:42,983 --> 00:15:47,616
Mayan, you are mocking our
culture by being a stereotype.
342
00:15:47,627 --> 00:15:51,383
Or am I celebrating it by being dope?
343
00:15:53,674 --> 00:15:56,846
You're the stereotype, bucket crab.
344
00:15:58,021 --> 00:15:59,899
You're the bucket crab.
345
00:15:59,910 --> 00:16:02,122
You're blocking my booth
so no one can get to my mole
346
00:16:02,133 --> 00:16:05,580
that America Ferrera
once called "not bad."
347
00:16:09,740 --> 00:16:11,910
Take your mole off of my lowrider.
348
00:16:12,005 --> 00:16:14,718
Take your lowrider
out of my culture fair.
349
00:16:14,886 --> 00:16:16,472
I'm not moving my mole.
350
00:16:18,188 --> 00:16:19,441
Fine.
351
00:16:20,317 --> 00:16:21,960
I'll do it for you.
352
00:16:32,830 --> 00:16:34,245
Holy mole!
353
00:16:34,301 --> 00:16:35,918
[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
354
00:16:38,483 --> 00:16:39,737
[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
355
00:16:39,826 --> 00:16:41,043
We wouldn't be trapped in here
356
00:16:41,052 --> 00:16:43,385
if you didn't try to
sabotage me with that box.
357
00:16:43,519 --> 00:16:48,108
That desk lamp almost
claimed my last toenail.
358
00:16:48,119 --> 00:16:50,413
Hey, I-I didn't do that.
359
00:16:50,479 --> 00:16:53,524
If I did, I would've
stayed to watch and laugh.
360
00:16:53,535 --> 00:16:55,370
[LAUGHS]
361
00:16:55,628 --> 00:16:57,841
Hey, there's a hatch.
362
00:16:58,817 --> 00:17:01,422
We could stack these
boxes and climb out.
363
00:17:01,853 --> 00:17:03,811
You know, I was going to say that.
Man, you steal everything.
364
00:17:03,822 --> 00:17:06,449
You would steal my hair
from my head if you could.
365
00:17:06,522 --> 00:17:08,941
Why can't you just let this go?
366
00:17:09,007 --> 00:17:11,116
You don't understand.
I looked up to you.
367
00:17:11,127 --> 00:17:12,493
Why couldn't you support another Latino
368
00:17:12,504 --> 00:17:14,131
just trying to do something for himself?
369
00:17:14,448 --> 00:17:16,658
Growing up, I thought the only way
370
00:17:16,669 --> 00:17:19,881
to make it in the white man's
world is to keep our own down.
371
00:17:19,954 --> 00:17:21,379
I can relate.
372
00:17:21,390 --> 00:17:23,905
We all felt that there wasn't
enough opportunities for us,
373
00:17:23,916 --> 00:17:25,501
so we all had to fight for that one.
374
00:17:25,791 --> 00:17:27,405
But what has it led to?
375
00:17:27,416 --> 00:17:30,419
We're just too old
crabs locked in a truck.
376
00:17:31,508 --> 00:17:32,885
Let's start fresh.
377
00:17:35,037 --> 00:17:36,645
Let me lift you up first.
378
00:17:36,938 --> 00:17:38,339
No, no, no, no. You know what?
379
00:17:38,350 --> 00:17:40,144
Let me lift you up. I insist.
380
00:17:40,494 --> 00:17:43,957
- Okay.
- [GRUNTING]
381
00:17:43,968 --> 00:17:48,097
Yeah, yeah. [GRUNTING]
382
00:17:48,177 --> 00:17:49,887
I got you.
383
00:17:49,898 --> 00:17:51,984
[CHUCKLES] All right.
384
00:17:51,995 --> 00:17:54,289
Okay, great. Now help me up.
385
00:17:58,862 --> 00:18:01,615
Once a bucket crab,
always a bucket crab!
386
00:18:02,017 --> 00:18:04,153
I curse you, Danny Martinez!
387
00:18:04,248 --> 00:18:07,085
I will dedicate my
life to ruining yours!
388
00:18:07,421 --> 00:18:09,840
You will rue the day...
389
00:18:10,495 --> 00:18:13,289
[PANTING]
390
00:18:13,789 --> 00:18:16,920
I just needed a minute
to find my machete.
391
00:18:18,576 --> 00:18:20,993
Wow, man. You have changed.
392
00:18:21,497 --> 00:18:23,876
Even your machete's smaller.
393
00:18:25,687 --> 00:18:27,605
Hey, um...
394
00:18:28,115 --> 00:18:29,748
think I could try that ponytail on?
395
00:18:29,759 --> 00:18:31,390
Oh, yeah.
396
00:18:37,382 --> 00:18:38,883
It's so silky.
397
00:18:38,894 --> 00:18:41,356
It's from the Ariana Grande Collection.
398
00:18:41,462 --> 00:18:44,382
[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
399
00:18:44,424 --> 00:18:45,800
? ?
400
00:18:45,811 --> 00:18:47,772
I'm sorry I ruined Culture Day.
401
00:18:48,190 --> 00:18:50,845
I just licked mole off a lowrider.
402
00:18:50,856 --> 00:18:52,775
This is the best day ever!
403
00:18:56,256 --> 00:18:58,353
At least you got him to eat my mole.
404
00:18:58,496 --> 00:19:01,208
My own son said it
looked like blended Shrek.
405
00:19:02,696 --> 00:19:05,877
That's why I like Chance.
He appreciates what I do.
406
00:19:06,245 --> 00:19:07,549
Thanks.
407
00:19:07,752 --> 00:19:09,212
I like your kid, too.
408
00:19:09,223 --> 00:19:11,851
He's really, um...
409
00:19:12,270 --> 00:19:14,596
I don't know who your kid is. I'm sorry.
410
00:19:16,585 --> 00:19:19,004
Don't be. He's a biter.
411
00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:23,996
I shouldn't have called
you a bucket crab.
412
00:19:24,218 --> 00:19:28,514
When you called me Greek,
you hit my biggest insecurity...
413
00:19:28,526 --> 00:19:30,653
not feeling Latina enough.
414
00:19:30,901 --> 00:19:33,356
I thought your biggest insecurity
was being a working mom
415
00:19:33,367 --> 00:19:35,409
and not going to a lot of school events.
416
00:19:36,702 --> 00:19:38,644
I have a lot of insecurities, okay?
417
00:19:40,737 --> 00:19:42,803
Being a Latina is hard.
418
00:19:43,031 --> 00:19:46,787
Add mom to that, and it can
just feel impossible sometimes.
419
00:19:47,047 --> 00:19:48,694
You sure make it look easy, though.
420
00:19:48,704 --> 00:19:50,706
[SCOFFS] I wish.
421
00:19:51,355 --> 00:19:53,460
When you brought up Career Day,
422
00:19:53,471 --> 00:19:56,015
it brought out my biggest insecurity...
423
00:19:56,026 --> 00:19:57,527
not having a career.
424
00:19:58,247 --> 00:19:59,925
People think that stay-at-home moms
425
00:19:59,936 --> 00:20:02,356
have no personality
outside of being a mom,
426
00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:04,620
but I have a personality.
427
00:20:04,722 --> 00:20:07,157
It's grating, but I have one.
428
00:20:08,567 --> 00:20:10,195
Well, now that we
know what it feels like
429
00:20:10,206 --> 00:20:12,620
to be on a Nickelodeon show,
430
00:20:13,901 --> 00:20:16,028
can you finally add
me to the group text?
431
00:20:16,290 --> 00:20:17,475
Are you sure?
432
00:20:17,486 --> 00:20:20,710
It's mostly just Quinten bombarding
us with Andy Cohen GIFs.
433
00:20:21,816 --> 00:20:24,169
Girl, he gave himself that title.
434
00:20:24,244 --> 00:20:27,164
[UPBEAT SAXOPHONE MUSIC]
435
00:20:27,206 --> 00:20:29,917
? ?
436
00:20:29,928 --> 00:20:33,419
Oh, look, you two scuttled
out of your bucket.
437
00:20:33,468 --> 00:20:35,805
I'm glad I locked you
both in that truck.
438
00:20:36,008 --> 00:20:38,051
Why? Because we resolved all our issues?
439
00:20:38,093 --> 00:20:39,636
No, because without you tontos,
440
00:20:39,678 --> 00:20:41,864
we finished this move in record time.
441
00:20:42,544 --> 00:20:44,756
Maybe the reason why you
two aren't more successful
442
00:20:44,767 --> 00:20:46,102
isn't bucket crabbing.
443
00:20:46,113 --> 00:20:47,865
It's that you're terrible at your jobs.
444
00:20:51,561 --> 00:20:54,785
You know, maybe I should just
give up and sell tacos for a living.
445
00:20:58,316 --> 00:21:01,358
I know I said you weren't
my mentee, but if you want,
446
00:21:01,369 --> 00:21:02,704
I could show you the ropes.
447
00:21:02,715 --> 00:21:05,342
Maybe one day, you can start
your own moving company.
448
00:21:05,708 --> 00:21:06,858
Thanks.
449
00:21:06,923 --> 00:21:08,680
I already know what
I'm going to call it.
450
00:21:08,691 --> 00:21:10,480
MoMo-MovingCo.
451
00:21:11,839 --> 00:21:13,930
It's too bad your name's not Stuart.
452
00:21:13,941 --> 00:21:16,303
You could call it Stu-Stu-Stupido.
453
00:21:17,076 --> 00:21:18,786
I'm getting so much
out of this mentorship.
454
00:21:18,797 --> 00:21:19,923
Come on.
455
00:21:19,973 --> 00:21:24,523
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