Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,010 --> 00:00:02,010
[bright tones]
2
00:00:02,060 --> 00:00:03,454
[upbeat saxophone music]
3
00:00:03,455 --> 00:00:06,245
- I'm here!
4
00:00:06,285 --> 00:00:10,625
I did a little cleaning and
look what I found, Mayan,
5
00:00:10,665 --> 00:00:14,465
your baile folkl�ricocostume.
6
00:00:14,505 --> 00:00:15,755
- Yeah, I love that dance.
7
00:00:15,795 --> 00:00:17,111
They do it every
time they bring out
8
00:00:17,135 --> 00:00:20,925
the sizzling fajita
platter at El Torito.
9
00:00:20,975 --> 00:00:24,725
- Oh, you were so cute
dancing around in this.
10
00:00:24,765 --> 00:00:27,395
Who knew you'd peak at six?
11
00:00:27,435 --> 00:00:28,975
- You put me in so much makeup,
12
00:00:29,025 --> 00:00:33,105
people confused me
for a tiny drag queen.
13
00:00:33,145 --> 00:00:35,985
- You were the Tammy
Faye of folkl�rico.
14
00:00:36,025 --> 00:00:37,695
Aw.
15
00:00:37,735 --> 00:00:39,365
You guys should keep
up the tradition
16
00:00:39,405 --> 00:00:42,955
and force Chance to do it.
17
00:00:42,995 --> 00:00:47,165
- I ain't wearing
that tacky dress.
18
00:00:47,205 --> 00:00:51,045
- Please, he's already
quit karate, chess, piano.
19
00:00:51,085 --> 00:00:54,005
He'd quit this family if
he got a better offer.
20
00:00:54,045 --> 00:00:56,021
- That boy needs to do more
than just play video games.
21
00:00:56,045 --> 00:00:59,135
When I was his age, I had a
ton of after-school activities.
22
00:00:59,175 --> 00:01:03,975
Gardening, plumbing, AC repair.
23
00:01:04,015 --> 00:01:06,185
- You need to make
him more resilient.
24
00:01:06,225 --> 00:01:07,805
- I'm resilient.
25
00:01:07,855 --> 00:01:09,685
But in case Grandpa
doesn't know,
26
00:01:09,725 --> 00:01:12,435
remind him what
that means, again.
27
00:01:12,485 --> 00:01:13,435
- You don't have to remind me.
28
00:01:13,485 --> 00:01:16,945
I don't know what
the hell that is.
29
00:01:16,985 --> 00:01:18,865
- It means following
through with something,
30
00:01:18,905 --> 00:01:20,025
even when it's hard.
31
00:01:20,075 --> 00:01:23,825
- Oh, yeah. I'm
definitely not that.
32
00:01:23,865 --> 00:01:25,205
- But folkl�ricois different
33
00:01:25,245 --> 00:01:26,825
than all the other
stuff you've done.
34
00:01:26,865 --> 00:01:28,665
They're dances that
tell the stories
35
00:01:28,705 --> 00:01:30,955
of the many regions of Mexico.
36
00:01:30,995 --> 00:01:32,335
It's a rich part
of your culture.
37
00:01:32,375 --> 00:01:34,965
- Boring!
38
00:01:36,465 --> 00:01:38,175
- One of the dances
lets you use a machete.
39
00:01:38,215 --> 00:01:43,265
- Baby's first weapon? I'm in!
40
00:01:43,305 --> 00:01:45,555
- Quinten, do you know
of anyone who wants
41
00:01:45,595 --> 00:01:47,015
to buy a diamond ring?
42
00:01:47,055 --> 00:01:49,395
- Mayan, your mom is nagging
us to get married again.
43
00:01:49,435 --> 00:01:52,395
I'm out!
44
00:01:52,435 --> 00:01:55,315
- I also found my
old wedding ring.
45
00:01:55,355 --> 00:01:57,235
I think it's time
that I sell it.
46
00:01:57,275 --> 00:02:01,365
See what 20 years of pain and
suffering goes for these days.
47
00:02:01,405 --> 00:02:02,575
- Well, wait a minute.
48
00:02:02,615 --> 00:02:04,091
If anybody should have
that ring, it's me.
49
00:02:04,115 --> 00:02:05,535
I missed seven
Los Lobos concerts
50
00:02:05,575 --> 00:02:09,205
to pay for that ring.
51
00:02:09,245 --> 00:02:11,705
- Why don't you just sell
the ring and split the money?
52
00:02:11,745 --> 00:02:14,205
- No way, commie.
53
00:02:14,255 --> 00:02:18,795
- That's exactly what
Fidel would want.
54
00:02:18,835 --> 00:02:25,975
? ?
55
00:02:33,855 --> 00:02:38,065
- Today on "Corte Caliente,"
a woman sues her bodega guy
56
00:02:38,105 --> 00:02:42,235
for performing indecent
acts with melons.
57
00:02:42,275 --> 00:02:45,945
- Oy, this is gonna be juicy.
58
00:02:45,995 --> 00:02:48,535
[knock at door]
59
00:02:52,035 --> 00:02:54,745
- Oh thank heavens,
you're alive.
60
00:02:54,795 --> 00:02:56,205
- Of course.
61
00:02:56,255 --> 00:02:59,835
My main goal in life
is to outlive you.
62
00:02:59,875 --> 00:03:02,045
Why are you
interrupting my show?
63
00:03:02,085 --> 00:03:03,111
- I wanted to
check the batteries
64
00:03:03,135 --> 00:03:04,465
on your carbon
monoxide detectors
65
00:03:04,505 --> 00:03:05,941
because I don't want
you to fall victim
66
00:03:05,965 --> 00:03:08,885
to the silent killer.
67
00:03:08,935 --> 00:03:10,225
Trust me, Rosie.
68
00:03:10,265 --> 00:03:12,685
You have to be thorough
about these things.
69
00:03:12,725 --> 00:03:14,105
Oh, the detectors look good.
70
00:03:14,145 --> 00:03:15,541
You really only need
one to work, anyways.
71
00:03:15,565 --> 00:03:17,775
Okay. Bye.
72
00:03:17,815 --> 00:03:18,945
- You forgetting something?
73
00:03:18,985 --> 00:03:22,195
- Oh, yeah. Sorry.
- Ugh.
74
00:03:22,235 --> 00:03:24,525
Not that.
75
00:03:24,575 --> 00:03:27,155
This. My ring.
76
00:03:27,195 --> 00:03:29,285
- I forgot that's where you
kept all the good stuff.
77
00:03:29,325 --> 00:03:31,365
- You're never gonna get it...
78
00:03:31,415 --> 00:03:33,535
These or this.
79
00:03:35,165 --> 00:03:36,771
- All right, if we can't
decide who owns the ring,
80
00:03:36,795 --> 00:03:38,141
I think we should
do the fair thing.
81
00:03:38,165 --> 00:03:41,175
- What's the fair thing?
- Give it to me.
82
00:03:41,215 --> 00:03:43,425
- Look, there's only
one way to solve this.
83
00:03:43,465 --> 00:03:45,135
We need to argue our case
84
00:03:45,175 --> 00:03:47,845
in a civilized and
professional manner.
85
00:03:47,885 --> 00:03:52,515
- Se�or, why are there
holes in all of your melons?
86
00:03:52,555 --> 00:03:56,145
- We're gonna take this
to "Corte Caliente."
87
00:03:56,185 --> 00:03:57,605
- "Corte Caliente"?
88
00:03:57,645 --> 00:03:59,001
I always wanted to be on
TV, but they said it makes
89
00:03:59,025 --> 00:04:00,411
your head look, like,
three times bigger,
90
00:04:00,435 --> 00:04:03,105
so I probably gotta
stand like this.
91
00:04:04,865 --> 00:04:08,865
? ?
92
00:04:09,175 --> 00:04:10,505
- Come on, Gordo.
93
00:04:10,555 --> 00:04:12,175
You're gonna be late
for folkl�ricoclass.
94
00:04:12,215 --> 00:04:14,135
- That's the point.
95
00:04:16,975 --> 00:04:19,475
- [gasps]
96
00:04:27,155 --> 00:04:31,445
- Ay, qu� chulo!
97
00:04:31,485 --> 00:04:35,075
- Aww, you look so adorable.
98
00:04:35,115 --> 00:04:40,245
- Without the fajita
platter, I just look silly.
99
00:04:40,285 --> 00:04:43,665
- No, you look like
a proud Mexican boy
100
00:04:43,705 --> 00:04:46,585
who values the cultural
traditions of folkl�rico.
101
00:04:46,625 --> 00:04:50,465
- Folkl�ricosucks.
102
00:04:50,505 --> 00:04:52,805
- Mijo, when I was a kid,
103
00:04:52,845 --> 00:04:55,175
I wanted to quit folkl�ricotoo,
104
00:04:55,225 --> 00:04:58,095
but I'm glad I stuck
with it because now,
105
00:04:58,135 --> 00:05:00,265
it's a special
skill on my r�sum�.
106
00:05:00,305 --> 00:05:03,605
- [sighs] Ugh, fine.
107
00:05:03,645 --> 00:05:06,945
My resume could
use some padding.
108
00:05:06,985 --> 00:05:08,395
- Why do you have a r�sum�?
109
00:05:08,445 --> 00:05:11,025
- Since you signed me
up for folkl�ricoclass,
110
00:05:11,065 --> 00:05:14,195
I put some feelers
out for new parents.
111
00:05:16,825 --> 00:05:18,155
[explosion]
112
00:05:18,205 --> 00:05:21,745
- ? Corte Caliente,
Corte Caliente ?
113
00:05:21,785 --> 00:05:25,415
? Corte Caliente,
Corte Caliente ?
114
00:05:25,455 --> 00:05:28,005
? Corte Caliente, Corte! ?
115
00:05:28,045 --> 00:05:29,425
- Caliente!
116
00:05:29,465 --> 00:05:34,305
- Buenas tardes.
[applause]
117
00:05:34,345 --> 00:05:40,095
I am Judge Justicia.
Esto es "Corte Caliente."
118
00:05:40,135 --> 00:05:41,595
[applause]
119
00:05:43,515 --> 00:05:45,105
Let's hear from the litigants.
120
00:05:45,145 --> 00:05:46,815
- My ex-wife kept
the wedding ring,
121
00:05:46,855 --> 00:05:49,025
and then hid it in her bra.
122
00:05:49,065 --> 00:05:53,275
So today I'm here to
seek breast-itution.
123
00:05:53,315 --> 00:05:55,865
- [feigning crying] Oh, he
took everything from me.
124
00:05:55,905 --> 00:05:58,995
The least he could do is
let me keep that ring!
125
00:05:59,035 --> 00:06:00,865
[sobs]
126
00:06:00,915 --> 00:06:04,245
Was that good? 'Cause
I could do it again.
127
00:06:04,285 --> 00:06:05,705
- ? Corte! ?
128
00:06:12,425 --> 00:06:14,045
- Stop that, Se�or Lopez.
129
00:06:14,095 --> 00:06:15,715
You could lean back
into last week,
130
00:06:15,755 --> 00:06:19,635
and your head still
wouldn't look any smaller.
131
00:06:19,675 --> 00:06:20,861
You're here to sue your ex-wife.
132
00:06:20,885 --> 00:06:22,055
Care to tell us why?
133
00:06:22,095 --> 00:06:23,935
- Uh, yes.
134
00:06:23,975 --> 00:06:27,815
This bruja ruined my life.
135
00:06:27,855 --> 00:06:29,985
I am a hard-working
small-business owner
136
00:06:30,025 --> 00:06:32,105
of an affordable moving company,
137
00:06:32,155 --> 00:06:33,355
Lop E.Z. Movers.
138
00:06:33,405 --> 00:06:35,655
Please follow me on
Instagram at L-O-P-E...
139
00:06:35,695 --> 00:06:37,155
[gavel thuds]
- Silencio!
140
00:06:37,195 --> 00:06:39,245
This is a court of
law, not a place
141
00:06:39,285 --> 00:06:43,495
for you to shamelessly
advertise your business.
142
00:06:44,165 --> 00:06:48,295
And we'll be right back after
a word from our sponsors.
143
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,340
- ? Corte! ?
144
00:06:51,380 --> 00:06:53,670
- And when I found him
passed out on the lawn,
145
00:06:53,710 --> 00:06:56,510
buck naked, tangled up
in our Christmas lights,
146
00:06:56,550 --> 00:07:00,220
nalgasflapping in the wind...
147
00:07:00,260 --> 00:07:04,640
I said, "Yeah,
enough is enough."
148
00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:08,850
- Wow.
149
00:07:08,900 --> 00:07:11,610
After everything I have just
heard from this defendant,
150
00:07:11,650 --> 00:07:15,190
I don't get how you're
still alive, Se�or Lopez.
151
00:07:15,230 --> 00:07:19,990
- Alcohol is a
preservative, Judge, so...
152
00:07:20,030 --> 00:07:22,530
I'm pickled.
153
00:07:22,580 --> 00:07:24,660
- How do you respond
to these accusations?
154
00:07:24,700 --> 00:07:29,250
- By calling my first
caricature witness.
155
00:07:30,290 --> 00:07:32,670
- I'd like to buy a vowel.
156
00:07:35,380 --> 00:07:38,590
- Technically, everything Rosie,
157
00:07:38,630 --> 00:07:43,970
la rata de dos patas,
has said is true.
158
00:07:44,010 --> 00:07:45,810
But she started it!
159
00:07:45,850 --> 00:07:50,900
So Oscar, would
you please testify?
160
00:07:50,940 --> 00:07:53,900
- Your Majesty,
161
00:07:53,940 --> 00:07:59,200
back in the day, the defendant
used to be super-hot.
162
00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:03,120
I mean, she still is,
but she used to be too.
163
00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:04,450
- I'll allow it.
164
00:08:06,990 --> 00:08:09,460
- Rosie was starved for intimacy
165
00:08:09,500 --> 00:08:12,580
because George stopped
being affectionate with her.
166
00:08:12,630 --> 00:08:15,090
That's when she started
having an emotional affair
167
00:08:15,130 --> 00:08:17,920
with a barista at El Starbucks.
168
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:19,970
[audience murmurs]
169
00:08:20,010 --> 00:08:21,760
- And how do you know
this information?
170
00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:23,930
- Because that barista was me!
171
00:08:23,970 --> 00:08:26,600
[audience gasps]
172
00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:28,430
I'm just kidding.
173
00:08:28,470 --> 00:08:31,850
I always wanted to
make an audience gasp.
174
00:08:31,890 --> 00:08:33,690
Truth is...
175
00:08:33,730 --> 00:08:36,190
I caught them feeding
each other cake pops.
176
00:08:36,230 --> 00:08:38,150
[audience oohs]
177
00:08:39,650 --> 00:08:40,900
- ? Corte! ?
178
00:08:40,950 --> 00:08:43,570
[energetic traditional music]
179
00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:50,410
? ?
180
00:08:51,394 --> 00:08:53,614
- Okay, Chance. To the left.
181
00:08:53,654 --> 00:08:57,074
The other left.
El left. Ay, Dios!
182
00:08:57,114 --> 00:09:02,864
? ?
183
00:09:02,914 --> 00:09:05,584
- There's no way
he's drunk, right?
184
00:09:05,624 --> 00:09:07,124
? ?
185
00:09:07,164 --> 00:09:09,004
- I know it's a
Mexican tradition,
186
00:09:09,044 --> 00:09:10,600
but we should not be
making him do something
187
00:09:10,624 --> 00:09:11,874
he doesn't want to do.
188
00:09:11,924 --> 00:09:13,360
- Making him do something
he doesn't want to do
189
00:09:13,384 --> 00:09:16,634
is also a Mexican tradition.
190
00:09:16,674 --> 00:09:18,384
[music stops]
191
00:09:18,424 --> 00:09:22,804
- Great job, almosteverybody.
192
00:09:22,844 --> 00:09:25,304
Let's all take a five.
193
00:09:27,974 --> 00:09:29,434
I hate this!
194
00:09:29,474 --> 00:09:32,064
I'm a disappointment
to the Lopez name,
195
00:09:32,104 --> 00:09:34,734
and that's saying something.
196
00:09:34,774 --> 00:09:37,524
- No! You're doing so great.
197
00:09:37,574 --> 00:09:38,444
Right?
198
00:09:38,484 --> 00:09:42,494
- Ma'am, don't lie to your son.
199
00:09:42,534 --> 00:09:46,834
- If I have to keep dancing,
then you have to do it, too.
200
00:09:46,874 --> 00:09:48,954
- Gordo, this is
a class for kids.
201
00:09:48,994 --> 00:09:50,584
It would be weird
for me to join.
202
00:09:50,624 --> 00:09:52,584
Plus, I'm really good.
203
00:09:52,624 --> 00:09:53,980
I don't want to
embarrass the instructor.
204
00:09:54,004 --> 00:09:55,754
- Everything okay, Chance?
205
00:09:55,794 --> 00:10:01,304
Would you like to take a
longer break, like forever?
206
00:10:01,344 --> 00:10:04,184
- Can my mom dance with
us? She's really good.
207
00:10:04,224 --> 00:10:06,604
But she's worried she's
gonna embarrass you.
208
00:10:06,644 --> 00:10:09,894
- [chuckles] I didn't say that.
209
00:10:09,934 --> 00:10:12,484
He's drunk.
210
00:10:12,524 --> 00:10:15,274
- Parents are always
encouraged to participate,
211
00:10:15,314 --> 00:10:16,484
especially the ones who think
212
00:10:16,524 --> 00:10:19,444
they can do my job
better than me.
213
00:10:19,484 --> 00:10:22,364
- Oh! Oh, oh,
this is happening!
214
00:10:22,404 --> 00:10:23,994
- ? Corte! ?
215
00:10:24,034 --> 00:10:26,140
- What do you have to say
about this vagrant's testimony,
216
00:10:26,164 --> 00:10:29,164
Miss Flores?
217
00:10:29,204 --> 00:10:31,294
- Ay, es verdad.
218
00:10:31,334 --> 00:10:33,504
[audience oohs]
219
00:10:33,544 --> 00:10:35,834
I did have an emotional affair,
220
00:10:35,874 --> 00:10:39,174
but only after I found out
George was cheating on me.
221
00:10:39,214 --> 00:10:43,094
While I was having cake pops,
he was out getting that cookie.
222
00:10:48,184 --> 00:10:52,684
And I also have a witness.
223
00:10:52,724 --> 00:10:54,564
- Excuse me.
224
00:10:59,404 --> 00:11:03,194
- Really? You two don't
have any other friends?
225
00:11:03,244 --> 00:11:05,404
- Oh, yeah. George
definitely cheated.
226
00:11:05,454 --> 00:11:07,824
And I know this
because it was with me!
227
00:11:07,864 --> 00:11:09,034
[audience gasps]
228
00:11:09,074 --> 00:11:11,794
[laughs] I got you again!
229
00:11:11,834 --> 00:11:16,544
No, George, uh, prefers
his men to be women.
230
00:11:16,584 --> 00:11:17,924
- Objection!
231
00:11:17,964 --> 00:11:20,714
This witness is not saying
what I bribed him to say!
232
00:11:20,754 --> 00:11:23,304
- You said those $20
were for parking!
233
00:11:23,344 --> 00:11:24,360
- I said a lot of things...
[gavel thuds]
234
00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:26,804
- Silencio!
235
00:11:26,844 --> 00:11:28,054
Looks like this wedding ring
236
00:11:28,094 --> 00:11:30,724
is the very least
of your worries.
237
00:11:30,764 --> 00:11:32,580
These public records
reveal that the two of you
238
00:11:32,604 --> 00:11:35,814
are technically still married!
239
00:11:35,854 --> 00:11:38,234
[all gasp]
240
00:11:40,564 --> 00:11:43,864
And that'show you get a gasp.
241
00:11:47,244 --> 00:11:48,494
? ?
242
00:11:50,092 --> 00:11:51,012
- Did you say that
I am still married
243
00:11:51,052 --> 00:11:54,392
to this dusty saco de papas?
244
00:11:54,432 --> 00:11:58,062
Is this your producer's way
of manufacturing more drama?
245
00:11:58,102 --> 00:12:00,062
Because if so,
246
00:12:00,102 --> 00:12:01,442
great twist.
247
00:12:01,482 --> 00:12:06,152
- Everything we manufacture
on this show is real.
248
00:12:06,192 --> 00:12:07,902
I have the divorce
papers right here.
249
00:12:07,942 --> 00:12:09,902
Se�or Lopez never signed.
250
00:12:09,952 --> 00:12:11,322
- Why am I not
surprised, George?
251
00:12:11,362 --> 00:12:12,572
You screwed up our marriage.
252
00:12:12,622 --> 00:12:14,218
Of course you're gonna
screw up our divorce.
253
00:12:14,242 --> 00:12:17,082
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
You should have followed up.
254
00:12:17,122 --> 00:12:19,252
You were married to
him for 20 years.
255
00:12:19,292 --> 00:12:21,792
I've known him 20 minutes,
and I know he's an idiot.
256
00:12:24,342 --> 00:12:27,842
- I'll allow it.
257
00:12:27,882 --> 00:12:30,052
- I mean, I was so overwhelmed
from the separation
258
00:12:30,092 --> 00:12:32,722
that I quickly
mailed everything in.
259
00:12:32,762 --> 00:12:35,722
It was a difficult time.
260
00:12:35,762 --> 00:12:38,312
I was an emotional wreck.
261
00:12:38,352 --> 00:12:44,232
- Oh, poor Rosita.
262
00:12:44,272 --> 00:12:46,772
Tough tostones!
263
00:12:46,822 --> 00:12:47,902
You should have read it.
264
00:12:47,942 --> 00:12:49,112
This was your divorce,
265
00:12:49,152 --> 00:12:51,572
not the user agreement
for "Candy Crush."
266
00:12:51,612 --> 00:12:54,372
[audience oohs]
267
00:12:54,412 --> 00:12:58,702
- Oy, this is only fun when
it happens to other people.
268
00:12:58,752 --> 00:13:02,582
- Wait a minute, that's a
bunch of caca caliente, Judge.
269
00:13:02,622 --> 00:13:07,212
Rosie was starting a
business, raising a daughter,
270
00:13:07,252 --> 00:13:12,222
and getting over the best thing
that ever happened to her... me!
271
00:13:12,262 --> 00:13:16,102
What gives you the
right to be so judgy?
272
00:13:16,142 --> 00:13:18,892
Oh, yeah, that's true.
- Well, he's got a point.
273
00:13:18,932 --> 00:13:20,248
I don't see a ring
on that finger.
274
00:13:20,272 --> 00:13:21,812
What do you know about marriage?
275
00:13:21,852 --> 00:13:26,652
- I'm married to justice.
276
00:13:28,277 --> 00:13:29,407
- That sound like something
277
00:13:29,447 --> 00:13:31,567
a sad, single, desperate
lady would say.
278
00:13:31,617 --> 00:13:33,697
- [laughs] Yeah.
What's justice, huh?
279
00:13:33,737 --> 00:13:35,367
The name of one of
your seven cats?
280
00:13:35,407 --> 00:13:36,907
[meows]
281
00:13:36,957 --> 00:13:39,327
- Yeah, you probably cry in
your soup all night, huh?
282
00:13:39,367 --> 00:13:40,917
Sad soup lady with cats.
- [laughs]
283
00:13:40,957 --> 00:13:43,997
Mmm, mmm, mmm! Oh,
look, it's my favorite!
284
00:13:44,047 --> 00:13:47,837
It's cream of
lonely. Toma, gatito!
285
00:13:47,877 --> 00:13:48,983
- [high-pitched]
It's muy caliente.
286
00:13:49,007 --> 00:13:50,007
- Oh!
287
00:13:50,333 --> 00:13:52,043
- Enough.
288
00:13:52,083 --> 00:13:56,303
- Should I escort them out
of your courtroom, Judge?
289
00:13:56,343 --> 00:13:59,133
I've always wanted to
play a macho bailiff.
290
00:13:59,173 --> 00:14:01,183
My catchphrase would be...
291
00:14:01,223 --> 00:14:04,263
[gruff voice] "You
tell 'em, Judge."
292
00:14:04,303 --> 00:14:05,603
- No.
293
00:14:05,643 --> 00:14:07,523
I welcome this.
- What?
294
00:14:07,563 --> 00:14:10,943
- I welcome it? Oh,
look. I welcome it.
295
00:14:10,983 --> 00:14:13,113
- I attacked your
character for two reasons.
296
00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:16,693
One, because I knew it would
unite you two against me.
297
00:14:16,733 --> 00:14:21,243
And two, because
it's just good TV.
298
00:14:21,283 --> 00:14:25,163
It's clear that you two still
care deeply for each other.
299
00:14:25,203 --> 00:14:28,503
Plus, you're both t�xicos.
300
00:14:28,543 --> 00:14:29,833
When you two got married,
301
00:14:29,873 --> 00:14:33,793
this ring became property
of your marriage.
302
00:14:33,833 --> 00:14:35,753
And since you're
still not divorced,
303
00:14:35,793 --> 00:14:38,633
this case is dismissed.
304
00:14:38,673 --> 00:14:41,683
Justice has been served...
305
00:14:41,723 --> 00:14:43,553
caliente.
306
00:14:48,723 --> 00:14:50,563
Now get out of my courtroom!
307
00:14:52,603 --> 00:14:54,863
- [gruff voice] You
tell 'em, Judge.
308
00:14:54,903 --> 00:14:57,113
- You too!
309
00:14:59,073 --> 00:15:01,993
[energetic traditional music]
310
00:15:02,033 --> 00:15:08,793
? ?
311
00:15:08,833 --> 00:15:13,213
- Miss Lopez, a big part of
dancing is moving your body.
312
00:15:13,253 --> 00:15:15,423
Baila, mujer. Baila.
313
00:15:15,463 --> 00:15:21,473
? ?
314
00:15:22,763 --> 00:15:24,763
- Mommy, what was that?
315
00:15:24,803 --> 00:15:28,103
You told me you were good.
316
00:15:28,143 --> 00:15:30,723
- Folkl�ricohas changed
since I was a kid.
317
00:15:30,773 --> 00:15:33,643
- No part of what you're doing
has ever been folkl�rico.
318
00:15:35,653 --> 00:15:36,733
- You're an instructor.
319
00:15:36,773 --> 00:15:38,523
You're supposed to
be encouraging me.
320
00:15:38,573 --> 00:15:41,283
- And you're
supposed to be seven.
321
00:15:41,323 --> 00:15:44,113
Besides, it's not that hard.
322
00:15:44,153 --> 00:15:45,533
Even he can do it.
323
00:15:48,163 --> 00:15:50,163
- You know I was a
cheerleader in high school.
324
00:15:53,253 --> 00:15:54,963
- Well, Mama, you
dance on TikTok.
325
00:15:55,003 --> 00:15:57,173
Why can't you do this?
326
00:15:57,213 --> 00:16:01,343
- Well, the truth is,
I could never get it.
327
00:16:01,383 --> 00:16:05,723
So I lied, okay? I quit
folkl�ricoas a kid.
328
00:16:05,763 --> 00:16:08,473
- You quit, and now you're
forcing me to do it?
329
00:16:08,513 --> 00:16:12,183
Why pass down this trauma, Mama?
330
00:16:17,219 --> 00:16:19,389
- We've been in court.
We've been in a pawn shop.
331
00:16:19,429 --> 00:16:20,865
If we hit up a strip
club on the way home,
332
00:16:20,889 --> 00:16:23,479
this is my perfect day!
333
00:16:23,519 --> 00:16:25,085
- I can't believe we
didn't sign those papers.
334
00:16:25,109 --> 00:16:26,569
It's embarrassing.
335
00:16:26,609 --> 00:16:29,449
You know how many times I
bragged about divorcing you?
336
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:33,029
And splitting this ring 50/50
is the right thing to do.
337
00:16:33,069 --> 00:16:37,999
- Yeah, or you could keep it
and we could just do nothing.
338
00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:40,329
- What are you suggesting?
339
00:16:40,369 --> 00:16:41,869
That we stay married?
340
00:16:41,919 --> 00:16:43,459
- No. I mean, you know,
341
00:16:43,499 --> 00:16:46,209
that we stay whatever we are.
342
00:16:46,249 --> 00:16:48,339
I mean, we're in a good place.
343
00:16:48,379 --> 00:16:51,009
- We just watched a man pawn
the gold from his molar.
344
00:16:51,049 --> 00:16:54,549
This is not a good place.
345
00:16:54,599 --> 00:16:56,115
- No, I mean we're
getting along better.
346
00:16:56,139 --> 00:16:57,929
Today in court we had
each other's backs,
347
00:16:57,969 --> 00:17:00,229
and that's on the
highest-rated daytime TV show
348
00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:03,769
amongst Latinas over 70.
349
00:17:03,809 --> 00:17:04,979
- Well, I agree.
350
00:17:05,019 --> 00:17:06,375
We are getting along
better than ever
351
00:17:06,399 --> 00:17:09,609
as friends, but not
as husband and wife.
352
00:17:09,649 --> 00:17:11,819
- Well, I like
being your friend,
353
00:17:11,859 --> 00:17:13,335
and if there's some
benefits down the road...
354
00:17:13,359 --> 00:17:15,819
[whistles] Come on.
355
00:17:15,869 --> 00:17:18,699
I wouldn't hate it.
356
00:17:18,739 --> 00:17:21,789
- I would.
357
00:17:21,829 --> 00:17:25,999
Besides, you know, one day
one of us might meet someone.
358
00:17:26,039 --> 00:17:27,169
- Yeah.
- And by one of us,
359
00:17:27,209 --> 00:17:29,919
I could only mean me. [laughs]
360
00:17:29,959 --> 00:17:32,509
- Yeah, well, you're not gonna
find anybody better than me.
361
00:17:32,549 --> 00:17:35,969
- The guy who pawned his
teeth is better than you.
362
00:17:36,009 --> 00:17:37,349
- I appraised your ring,
363
00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:39,889
and it's unlike anything
I've seen before.
364
00:17:39,929 --> 00:17:41,019
- We're rich!
365
00:17:41,059 --> 00:17:44,019
- It's worth about $30.
366
00:17:44,059 --> 00:17:45,399
- What are you talking about?
367
00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:47,609
- You heard of cubic zirconia?
- Yeah!
368
00:17:47,649 --> 00:17:49,979
- Well, this is
fake cubic zirconia.
369
00:17:50,029 --> 00:17:52,439
- Wait a... wait a minute!
I paid $3,000 for that ring.
370
00:17:52,489 --> 00:17:57,569
Now I gotta sue the
undertaker that sold it to me!
371
00:17:57,619 --> 00:18:01,369
Looks like I'm gonna have to
go see Judge Justicia again.
372
00:18:01,409 --> 00:18:02,829
- You think she's
hot, don't you?
373
00:18:02,869 --> 00:18:05,369
- Oh yeah, hot and mean.
You know that's my type.
374
00:18:05,419 --> 00:18:07,669
- [laughs] Yes, I
do, viejo cochino.
375
00:18:07,709 --> 00:18:09,709
- [laughs] Well,
then give me my $30,
376
00:18:09,749 --> 00:18:12,209
so I can go make it
rain at El Torito.
377
00:18:12,259 --> 00:18:15,049
[upbeat saxophone music]
378
00:18:15,089 --> 00:18:17,799
- I feel horrible
for lying to Chance.
379
00:18:17,849 --> 00:18:20,559
I think we're gonna have
to get him a real machete.
380
00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:23,059
- Mom, are my ants
on a log ready,
381
00:18:23,099 --> 00:18:25,439
or did you quit
making snacks too?
382
00:18:28,439 --> 00:18:30,689
- I'm sorry I lied
to you, Gordo.
383
00:18:30,729 --> 00:18:34,319
It's just, I wish I
hadn't quit folkl�rico.
384
00:18:34,359 --> 00:18:37,239
Someone in this family
has to be able to do it.
385
00:18:37,279 --> 00:18:39,119
- Um, hello?
386
00:18:43,079 --> 00:18:44,409
- Someone Mexican in this family
387
00:18:44,459 --> 00:18:46,539
has to be able to do it.
388
00:18:48,379 --> 00:18:49,765
But I shouldn't have
forced you to do something
389
00:18:49,789 --> 00:18:51,249
you really don't enjoy.
390
00:18:51,299 --> 00:18:54,469
- So that's the last time
I'm seeing a dentist?
391
00:18:56,799 --> 00:18:59,089
- I just don't want us
to lose the Mexican part
392
00:18:59,139 --> 00:19:01,599
of being Mexican American.
393
00:19:01,639 --> 00:19:03,519
But I'm sure we can
find something else
394
00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:06,269
connected to our culture
that's fun for the both of us.
395
00:19:06,309 --> 00:19:07,899
- I'd like that, Mommy.
396
00:19:10,479 --> 00:19:12,229
- You know what you
could do together?
397
00:19:12,269 --> 00:19:13,649
Exclude me.
398
00:19:13,689 --> 00:19:15,529
Oh wait, you're
already doing it.
399
00:19:22,369 --> 00:19:25,949
- Yeah, being sensitive
is a white tradition.
400
00:19:25,999 --> 00:19:29,459
? ?
401
00:19:29,499 --> 00:19:32,589
Dearly beloved, we are
gathered here today
402
00:19:32,629 --> 00:19:34,709
to witness the end of a marriage
403
00:19:34,759 --> 00:19:39,219
that should have
ended ten years ago.
404
00:19:39,259 --> 00:19:41,549
- Thanks for making
me your worst man.
405
00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:47,519
[Southern accent] And
your maid of dishonor.
406
00:19:47,559 --> 00:19:52,359
- We really do
need more friends.
407
00:19:52,399 --> 00:19:54,359
- It was quite a
surprise for everyone
408
00:19:54,399 --> 00:19:57,359
to find out these two
were still married.
409
00:19:57,399 --> 00:20:02,909
I found out when T�a Daisy told
me to turn on "Corte Caliente."
410
00:20:03,699 --> 00:20:07,499
- Every viejita'sgonna
want a piece of this.
411
00:20:07,539 --> 00:20:10,749
- Dad, do you take Mom
to be your ex-wife,
412
00:20:10,789 --> 00:20:15,499
to not have and to never
hold, till death do you part?
413
00:20:15,549 --> 00:20:17,379
- Can we negotiate
the never hold part?
414
00:20:19,379 --> 00:20:21,259
- [clears throat]
- Mom, do you take Dad
415
00:20:21,299 --> 00:20:22,429
to be your ex-husband,
416
00:20:22,469 --> 00:20:24,259
till death do you part?
417
00:20:24,299 --> 00:20:28,309
- As long as he
dies first, I do.
418
00:20:29,849 --> 00:20:31,689
- Then by the power vested in me
419
00:20:31,729 --> 00:20:33,769
from no legitimate authority,
420
00:20:33,809 --> 00:20:37,359
I now pronounce you
ex-husband and ex-wife.
421
00:20:37,399 --> 00:20:39,359
Congratulations.
422
00:20:39,399 --> 00:20:42,569
You may now diss the bride.
423
00:20:42,609 --> 00:20:43,885
- You shouldn't have
been wearing white now,
424
00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:45,255
like you shouldn't have
worn white back then.
425
00:20:45,279 --> 00:20:46,699
- [laughs]
426
00:20:46,739 --> 00:20:50,039
- You look like "Dumb and
Dumber's" other friend,
427
00:20:50,079 --> 00:20:53,579
Dumbest.
428
00:20:57,959 --> 00:21:00,549
- I really think these
two are gonna make it.
429
00:21:01,929 --> 00:21:04,089
- Hit the music.
430
00:21:04,139 --> 00:21:06,849
[discordant accordion music]
- [growls, whines]
431
00:21:06,889 --> 00:21:09,219
? ?
432
00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:12,939
- This is awesome!
433
00:21:12,979 --> 00:21:14,479
- You sure, buddy?
434
00:21:14,519 --> 00:21:16,035
'Cause it's okay if you don't
like it and you wanna quit.
435
00:21:16,059 --> 00:21:18,279
- I'm doing it for the culture!
436
00:21:18,319 --> 00:21:19,649
? ?
437
00:21:19,689 --> 00:21:23,779
[discordant accordion music]
438
00:21:23,819 --> 00:21:25,779
[bright tones]
439
00:21:25,829 --> 00:21:30,379
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
31963
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof