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1
00:00:07,992 --> 00:00:09,152
FIRE ROARS
2
00:00:09,152 --> 00:00:10,952
CRASH
Ah!
3
00:00:12,352 --> 00:00:15,272
Well, that's the end of that, then.
4
00:00:16,992 --> 00:00:20,232
Old place had a good innings,
I suppose. Hmm.
5
00:00:20,232 --> 00:00:22,432
The question is, what now?
6
00:00:51,392 --> 00:00:53,072
NOTIFICATION CHIME
7
00:00:53,072 --> 00:00:54,512
Mike!
8
00:00:54,512 --> 00:00:56,912
Mike, we did it.
We did it. We're five stars.
9
00:00:56,912 --> 00:00:59,392
What? You're joking. Look!
10
00:00:59,392 --> 00:01:01,192
Oh, you're joking. What?
11
00:01:01,192 --> 00:01:03,592
Well, that's still four stars.
No, no, look, look.
12
00:01:03,592 --> 00:01:05,912
There's one yellow pixel inside
the fifth star.
13
00:01:05,912 --> 00:01:09,272
"Which means with an average review
score of 4.13,
14
00:01:09,272 --> 00:01:11,472
"you have officially attained
mega-host status."
15
00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:14,512
We're mega-hosts. We actually
did it! We're 5-star hoteliers.
16
00:01:14,512 --> 00:01:18,472
Yeah. Well, we're actually 4.1 star
bed-and-breakfastiers.
17
00:01:18,472 --> 00:01:19,872
Same thing. Yeah. Same thing.
18
00:01:19,872 --> 00:01:22,672
I was thinking to celebrate,
we could go out and get...
19
00:01:22,672 --> 00:01:23,952
Wasted!
20
00:01:23,952 --> 00:01:28,872
OK. I was going to say new chairs
for in here.
21
00:01:28,872 --> 00:01:31,312
OK, well, no offence to you,
my wife,
22
00:01:31,312 --> 00:01:35,392
but my idea is brilliant
and your idea is terrible.
23
00:01:35,392 --> 00:01:37,992
I know, I know.
I know, but look at these.
24
00:01:37,992 --> 00:01:40,672
They don't exactly scream
country house.
25
00:01:40,672 --> 00:01:43,152
There's more chairs in the shed.
Yes, OK.
26
00:01:43,152 --> 00:01:46,512
And of course nothing says
five stars like shed chairs.
27
00:01:46,512 --> 00:01:50,752
But I've been browsing and these
are at an auction in Halliton.
28
00:01:50,752 --> 00:01:52,552
Oh, no, they are gorgeous.
29
00:01:52,552 --> 00:01:55,512
I love all that delicate
scroll work on the...
30
00:01:55,512 --> 00:01:56,992
You wanna go to the auction?
31
00:01:56,992 --> 00:01:59,112
Yeah, so bad.
I'm going to give it all this.
32
00:02:00,312 --> 00:02:02,312
All right. The estimate's 20 each,
33
00:02:02,312 --> 00:02:05,072
so no more than 100
for all four, OK?
34
00:02:06,872 --> 00:02:08,312
Is this our marriage now?
35
00:02:10,352 --> 00:02:13,072
WIND SWIRLS
36
00:02:13,072 --> 00:02:15,552
WEATHER VANE SQUEAKS
37
00:02:16,952 --> 00:02:19,352
Ooh, new game.
38
00:02:19,352 --> 00:02:21,032
Ooh.
39
00:02:23,352 --> 00:02:25,072
FIRE CRACKLES
40
00:02:25,072 --> 00:02:27,112
HE SNIFFS
41
00:02:29,832 --> 00:02:31,392
Not again!
42
00:02:38,792 --> 00:02:41,352
Ah! Were I alive... No.
43
00:02:41,352 --> 00:02:43,512
I was going to say I'd help you
make the bed.
44
00:02:44,432 --> 00:02:46,712
PHONE VIBRATES
Ooh.
45
00:02:47,792 --> 00:02:49,952
More bookings.
46
00:02:49,952 --> 00:02:52,152
That extra star makes all
the difference.
47
00:02:52,152 --> 00:02:53,872
Yes!
48
00:02:53,872 --> 00:02:55,152
I don't know what you mean.
49
00:02:55,152 --> 00:02:57,912
Oh, come on. There's a woman here
who said, under requests,
50
00:02:57,912 --> 00:02:59,392
"Looking forward to our stay.
51
00:02:59,392 --> 00:03:02,152
"Please arrange kennels
for four Afghan hounds."
52
00:03:02,152 --> 00:03:04,872
I am outraged on your behalf.
53
00:03:04,872 --> 00:03:08,112
Crumbs, they're all at it.
"What speed is the Wi-Fi?"
54
00:03:08,112 --> 00:03:10,352
"Hypoallergenic pillows, please."
55
00:03:10,352 --> 00:03:12,312
"We would like vegan breakfast"?!
56
00:03:12,312 --> 00:03:14,592
Oh, no actually,
OK, that is actually fair enough.
57
00:03:14,592 --> 00:03:16,832
Where is "Vega"?
What do they eat?
58
00:03:16,832 --> 00:03:19,792
No meat, no fish,
no dairy, no eggs.
59
00:03:21,272 --> 00:03:22,752
Those poor souls.
60
00:03:25,232 --> 00:03:27,432
You're back.
Did you get the chairs?
61
00:03:27,432 --> 00:03:29,912
No, sorry. They went up to 130.
62
00:03:29,912 --> 00:03:32,792
So I did one of those.
Which they also thought was a bid,
63
00:03:32,792 --> 00:03:36,592
But then someone went to 140
and I stayed really still.
64
00:03:36,592 --> 00:03:39,152
Oh, that's a shame. Well, I'll try
the ones in the shed.
65
00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:40,512
Yeah, yeah. But, but...
66
00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:42,352
I didn't come home empty handed. Oh.
67
00:03:42,352 --> 00:03:43,912
Bear with me.
68
00:03:50,512 --> 00:03:52,392
HE SNIFFS
69
00:03:54,672 --> 00:03:56,552
AHHHH!
70
00:03:57,792 --> 00:03:59,392
AHHH! AHHH! AHHHHHHH!
71
00:03:59,392 --> 00:04:03,472
No, so, I was saying "bear with me"
72
00:04:03,472 --> 00:04:06,032
because there's literally...
73
00:04:06,032 --> 00:04:07,512
A bear with me.
74
00:04:07,512 --> 00:04:09,072
I bought a bear.
75
00:04:10,552 --> 00:04:11,952
You really did.
76
00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:13,512
Fine, fine.
77
00:04:13,512 --> 00:04:17,232
Well, let's just call Birthmark Club
a partial success.
78
00:04:17,232 --> 00:04:19,432
Is bear in Breakfast Room!
79
00:04:19,432 --> 00:04:23,152
And I shall follow up on that rumour
on Lady B later.
80
00:04:23,152 --> 00:04:24,992
Left buttock.
81
00:04:24,992 --> 00:04:27,112
There's a bear in
the Breakfast Room.
82
00:04:27,112 --> 00:04:28,152
What?!
83
00:04:28,152 --> 00:04:31,912
Oh, interesting. A bear?
Very exciting... A real life bear?
84
00:04:31,912 --> 00:04:33,512
...for people with legs.
85
00:04:34,512 --> 00:04:36,392
It was a bargain. Guess how much.
86
00:04:36,392 --> 00:04:37,752
200 quid?
87
00:04:37,752 --> 00:04:39,672
Oh, could you...
Could you guess a bit more?
88
00:04:39,672 --> 00:04:41,792
Mike. It's terrifying.
It's a talking point.
89
00:04:41,792 --> 00:04:43,872
Oh, yeah. "Have you seen the giant
bear, darling?"
90
00:04:43,872 --> 00:04:45,312
"Yeah, it put me off my breakfast."
91
00:04:45,312 --> 00:04:47,472
Rubbish. It just needs,
like, sprucing up, you know?
92
00:04:47,472 --> 00:04:50,112
I'm telling you,
this thing is sick. What?
93
00:04:50,112 --> 00:04:53,912
Sick? I think it might be dead.
Should someone tell him?
94
00:04:53,912 --> 00:04:56,792
Er, no, he doesn't literally
mean sick, Kitty.
95
00:04:56,792 --> 00:04:59,992
It's a sort of American
street slang.
96
00:04:59,992 --> 00:05:01,832
You know, you say
something negative,
97
00:05:01,832 --> 00:05:04,152
when you mean
something positive.
98
00:05:04,152 --> 00:05:07,992
So one might say "Oh, man,
this modular hi-fi system is bad!"
99
00:05:07,992 --> 00:05:10,512
When really you mean it's
terribly good.
100
00:05:10,512 --> 00:05:14,072
So the opposite.
Er, sort of, yeah.
101
00:05:14,072 --> 00:05:16,712
Like when the Captain say
that you're morally bankrupt?
102
00:05:16,712 --> 00:05:19,632
Er... ye-eees.
103
00:05:19,632 --> 00:05:21,352
Ha. Wow. Haa.
104
00:05:21,352 --> 00:05:22,592
Do you like it?
105
00:05:22,592 --> 00:05:25,392
Oh, I think it's... bad.
106
00:05:25,392 --> 00:05:28,832
Yeah, OK. Good, me too.
Very, very bad.
107
00:05:28,832 --> 00:05:32,232
Well, try telling Mike that.
Oh, I would if I could.
108
00:05:32,232 --> 00:05:35,712
Morally bankrupt, eh?
I'm sorry?
109
00:05:35,712 --> 00:05:41,192
A little dicky bird tells me
you think I'm morally bankrupt.
110
00:05:41,192 --> 00:05:43,352
That's right.
111
00:05:43,352 --> 00:05:46,512
What?
We all do. What's that?
112
00:05:46,512 --> 00:05:49,672
Julian. Morally bankrupt.
Oh, Good Lord, yes.
113
00:05:49,672 --> 00:05:51,712
You can be a little, uh...
114
00:05:51,712 --> 00:05:55,232
Oh, right.
Thought you might try and deny it.
115
00:05:55,232 --> 00:05:57,992
Oh, I assumed you knew. You know,
because of everything you do.
116
00:05:57,992 --> 00:06:00,912
And say. Well, quite.
117
00:06:00,912 --> 00:06:02,552
Well. I'm no bleeding heart liberal.
118
00:06:02,552 --> 00:06:06,072
But I do care about things.
119
00:06:06,072 --> 00:06:09,552
People.
You know, I like to, erm...
120
00:06:09,552 --> 00:06:11,872
...help.
121
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:14,992
LAUGHTER
122
00:06:14,992 --> 00:06:16,912
He almost done me there.
123
00:06:16,912 --> 00:06:18,832
Oh, very good. Carry On.
124
00:06:18,832 --> 00:06:23,632
Oh, dear. So was it in a cage?
No, it was on the stage. What?
125
00:06:25,832 --> 00:06:28,472
Hey. I'm calling him Bear Grills.
126
00:06:28,472 --> 00:06:30,352
But Grills spelt like how you cook
a breakfast.
127
00:06:30,352 --> 00:06:32,232
Mike, the bear has to go.
128
00:06:32,232 --> 00:06:34,992
It's ugly and it's scary and it's
going to freak out the guests.
129
00:06:34,992 --> 00:06:37,032
Well, I disagree, so...
130
00:06:37,032 --> 00:06:39,032
We've just clawed our way
to five stars,
131
00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:41,912
I'm not risking that
for some filthy animal.
132
00:06:41,912 --> 00:06:44,352
Me or the bear? Mike!
133
00:06:44,352 --> 00:06:46,832
Why is it that when it comes to
the running our business,
134
00:06:46,832 --> 00:06:49,712
my opinion seems to mean nothing?
That's not true.
135
00:06:49,712 --> 00:06:53,392
It's just you have a history of
buying mad stuff. Like what?
136
00:06:53,392 --> 00:06:55,872
Like the "Butt Ho" hoodie,
like the inflatable suits,
137
00:06:55,872 --> 00:06:57,432
like the giant bear.
138
00:06:57,432 --> 00:06:59,272
Well, at least I do stuff. Yeah?
139
00:06:59,272 --> 00:07:01,472
I don't just sit around all day
talking to my dead mates.
140
00:07:01,472 --> 00:07:04,152
Oh, sit around? Mike,
I do the books,
141
00:07:04,152 --> 00:07:06,592
I do the check-ins,
the adverts, the running repairs.
142
00:07:06,592 --> 00:07:08,552
And now I have to sort out all of
the chairs,
143
00:07:08,552 --> 00:07:10,872
and devise a five-star
vegan breakfast.
144
00:07:10,872 --> 00:07:13,352
Fine. I'll do the breakfast.
But the bear stays.
145
00:07:13,352 --> 00:07:15,912
Er, are you joking?
It stays.
146
00:07:15,912 --> 00:07:18,512
Not in here it doesn't. Ugh!
147
00:07:18,512 --> 00:07:20,072
Fine.
148
00:07:34,072 --> 00:07:38,272
"Ooh, look at me, I'm Alison.
I do everything."
149
00:07:38,272 --> 00:07:40,272
Well we'll see about that.
150
00:07:41,512 --> 00:07:44,032
OK.
151
00:07:44,032 --> 00:07:47,232
Ah. Veg-ann? Vegan.
What?
152
00:07:47,232 --> 00:07:50,712
No meat, no fish, no dairy.
Oh, right.
153
00:07:50,712 --> 00:07:53,192
Good luck to them, I say.
154
00:07:53,192 --> 00:07:57,712
Can't be easy going cold turkey on
luncheon meat and Billy Bear ham.
155
00:07:57,712 --> 00:08:00,352
And eggs. You what?
156
00:08:00,352 --> 00:08:02,472
Alison said they don't eat eggs.
157
00:08:02,472 --> 00:08:04,472
HE SNORTS
158
00:08:04,472 --> 00:08:06,472
What's wrong with 'em?
159
00:08:06,472 --> 00:08:09,072
I mean, what they having
with their chips?
160
00:08:09,072 --> 00:08:11,072
What are they dipping their
soldiers in?
161
00:08:11,072 --> 00:08:12,952
What they putting on top
of their gammon?
162
00:08:12,952 --> 00:08:14,992
They wouldn't have gammon.
Don't change the subject!
163
00:08:14,992 --> 00:08:16,832
What's wrong with eggs?
Nothing's wrong with eggs.
164
00:08:16,832 --> 00:08:18,232
Then why won't you let me have 'em?
165
00:08:18,232 --> 00:08:19,952
I am not saying that,
I'm just telling you.
166
00:08:19,952 --> 00:08:21,832
A man needs eggs to sustain himself!
167
00:08:21,832 --> 00:08:24,152
Well, fascinating.
168
00:08:24,152 --> 00:08:26,552
Vegan. Vegans.
169
00:08:26,552 --> 00:08:28,992
Veg-an? Veg, Ve-gans.
170
00:08:28,992 --> 00:08:30,712
AHH!
171
00:08:30,712 --> 00:08:33,232
Hey! Hey. Robin.
172
00:08:33,232 --> 00:08:34,872
What on earth are you doing
in there?
173
00:08:34,872 --> 00:08:37,272
Has it gone? Bear?
174
00:08:38,312 --> 00:08:41,992
Well, of course it's not gone. Ohh.
It can't go anywhere.
175
00:08:41,992 --> 00:08:44,712
It's just a big lump of sawdust
and fur.
176
00:08:44,712 --> 00:08:48,672
Honestly, what's the matter
with you?
177
00:08:48,672 --> 00:08:51,112
It just remind me of...
178
00:08:51,112 --> 00:08:53,752
...very bad day.
179
00:08:53,752 --> 00:08:56,112
THUNDER RUMBLES
180
00:09:03,552 --> 00:09:05,392
HE SNIFFS
181
00:09:09,832 --> 00:09:11,952
Oh. Uh.
182
00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:12,992
Uhh?
183
00:09:16,192 --> 00:09:17,712
Uh!
184
00:09:17,712 --> 00:09:19,232
Uh-yuh?
185
00:09:21,272 --> 00:09:23,392
Nuh-muh. Huh?
186
00:09:23,392 --> 00:09:25,272
Lah, "Wahhh!"
187
00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:27,632
Yuh!
188
00:09:41,752 --> 00:09:44,032
DEEP GROWL
189
00:09:50,792 --> 00:09:52,112
Wuh?
190
00:09:56,632 --> 00:09:58,792
GROWLING
191
00:10:05,512 --> 00:10:07,472
Um-deh...
192
00:10:13,552 --> 00:10:15,472
Huh?
193
00:10:16,712 --> 00:10:18,712
Yaaaa!
194
00:10:27,952 --> 00:10:29,952
Oh! I know.
195
00:10:29,952 --> 00:10:35,872
Oh, I have never seen such
a tasteless, mangy looking...
196
00:10:35,872 --> 00:10:38,232
Oh, it's a Gerrard.
A what?
197
00:10:38,232 --> 00:10:43,072
Gerrard & Sons. The undisputed
masters of taxidermy.
198
00:10:43,072 --> 00:10:46,512
They're the chaps who did Dante
for me. Oh.
199
00:10:46,512 --> 00:10:50,312
Oh, yes, yes. Now look at
the detail, Alison.
200
00:10:50,312 --> 00:10:54,752
Do you see how they've gathered the
hide into the pinch of the anus?
201
00:10:54,752 --> 00:10:56,392
Oh, OK. OK.
202
00:10:56,392 --> 00:11:00,072
I'm going to just go and think about
that sentence, forever. Tremendous.
203
00:11:00,072 --> 00:11:02,032
It just, uh, sawdust and fur.
204
00:11:02,032 --> 00:11:04,432
That's the spirit.
That's the spirit.
205
00:11:04,432 --> 00:11:06,992
OK... OK.
206
00:11:10,992 --> 00:11:13,592
Nothing but sawdust and fu...
207
00:11:13,592 --> 00:11:15,352
Huh?
208
00:11:17,512 --> 00:11:19,712
♪ Pom-bom-bom, bom... ♪
209
00:11:19,712 --> 00:11:22,472
Oh, dear. No, no, no,
that won't do.
210
00:11:22,472 --> 00:11:23,992
That won't do at all.
211
00:11:23,992 --> 00:11:25,872
Are you OK, Fanny?
212
00:11:25,872 --> 00:11:28,472
Anything I can HELP you with?
213
00:11:28,472 --> 00:11:30,712
Ah, well, it's the eye, you see.
214
00:11:30,712 --> 00:11:34,232
The left one.
His gaze is all askew.
215
00:11:34,232 --> 00:11:39,952
So it is. Well, let's see what we
can do with the old magic finger.
216
00:11:39,952 --> 00:11:41,672
Very well.
217
00:11:41,672 --> 00:11:43,912
Where bear?
218
00:11:45,032 --> 00:11:46,512
Oh...
219
00:11:52,352 --> 00:11:56,392
Oh, yes, pin's just
a little jammed in here.
220
00:11:56,392 --> 00:11:57,952
HE STRAINS
221
00:12:00,072 --> 00:12:02,632
HE ROARS WITH EFFORT
222
00:12:04,392 --> 00:12:06,992
ROARING CONTINUES
223
00:12:08,872 --> 00:12:11,032
AHHHHH!
224
00:12:11,032 --> 00:12:14,152
Oh, yes, yes, that's much better.
225
00:12:14,152 --> 00:12:15,472
Thank you, Julian.
226
00:12:15,472 --> 00:12:18,752
Not at all, happy to HELLLP.
227
00:12:34,032 --> 00:12:36,672
But what sort of craft?
Upcycling.
228
00:12:36,672 --> 00:12:40,112
Sounds exhausting. Yeah, well,
Mike blew all of our chair money,
229
00:12:40,112 --> 00:12:44,672
so we just have to make do
and mend. Ah, yes, there they are.
230
00:12:44,672 --> 00:12:46,312
Ah, OK.
231
00:12:46,312 --> 00:12:50,072
Well, not exactly five-star.
232
00:12:50,072 --> 00:12:55,152
What do you think?
Hmmm. They do look pretty...
233
00:12:55,152 --> 00:12:57,352
..."good"? Yeah?
234
00:12:57,352 --> 00:13:01,192
Well, the condition's
just "wonderful".
235
00:13:01,192 --> 00:13:05,272
And the legs are
all "sturdy".
236
00:13:06,392 --> 00:13:08,912
Hmmm. Maybe they're not so bad.
237
00:13:08,912 --> 00:13:11,592
Yes. Not BAD at all.
238
00:13:11,592 --> 00:13:13,832
OK, well, let's give it a go.
239
00:13:19,312 --> 00:13:22,392
You're shooting the messenger.
And I hate being shot.
240
00:13:22,392 --> 00:13:25,352
Well, then answer the question -
why can't I have my egg?
241
00:13:25,352 --> 00:13:27,272
I don't know.
242
00:13:27,272 --> 00:13:29,872
I suppose it's more about
the chicken than the egg.
243
00:13:29,872 --> 00:13:31,512
You what?
244
00:13:31,512 --> 00:13:34,872
Well, if only lady chickens
lay eggs,
245
00:13:34,872 --> 00:13:39,472
then what do you suppose happens
to all the boy chickens?
246
00:13:39,472 --> 00:13:42,512
Well, I suppose they all just go off
247
00:13:42,512 --> 00:13:45,232
into a field together.
248
00:13:45,232 --> 00:13:49,472
Or a nice barn until they get old.
249
00:13:49,472 --> 00:13:52,352
WHISPERS: Do you think that's
what happens?
250
00:13:52,352 --> 00:13:54,152
No.
251
00:13:54,152 --> 00:13:56,792
Hang on. What the heck is aquafaba?
252
00:13:56,792 --> 00:13:59,512
Oh, I'm going to have to go to
the shops.
253
00:13:59,512 --> 00:14:01,352
All those little chicks.
254
00:14:01,352 --> 00:14:05,032
Makes you think, doesn't it?
Really does.
255
00:14:05,032 --> 00:14:12,312
DRAMATIC MUSIC
256
00:14:13,432 --> 00:14:17,392
Ehh. And crisis averted.
257
00:14:17,392 --> 00:14:21,632
No, no, don't mention it.
I'm happy to help...
258
00:14:23,072 --> 00:14:24,872
Well, what's the point in being virtuous
259
00:14:24,872 --> 00:14:26,712
if there's no-one to witness it?
260
00:14:28,232 --> 00:14:30,392
Well, you're no good.
261
00:14:30,392 --> 00:14:33,832
HE SNUFFLES
262
00:14:36,992 --> 00:14:38,472
DRAMATIC MUSIC
263
00:14:38,472 --> 00:14:39,912
Oh, come on!
264
00:14:44,192 --> 00:14:49,872
Erm... Fire? Someone? Anyone?
265
00:14:49,872 --> 00:14:52,472
Well, you're no good.
Keys, keys, keys. Ah.
266
00:14:55,672 --> 00:14:57,792
Who put...?
267
00:14:57,792 --> 00:15:01,112
So, that's how we're playing,
is it? Fine.
268
00:15:01,112 --> 00:15:02,312
Oh.
269
00:15:02,312 --> 00:15:05,912
All right. Come on, mate.
270
00:15:08,072 --> 00:15:10,152
Yeah. Rub it in.
271
00:15:12,952 --> 00:15:16,512
Ooh. That would work. Yeah?
272
00:15:16,512 --> 00:15:17,912
Honestly, Alison.
273
00:15:17,912 --> 00:15:20,752
I thought these were GOOD
when we found them,
274
00:15:20,752 --> 00:15:23,912
but that looks so, SO BAD.
275
00:15:23,912 --> 00:15:27,632
Well, thank you for your honesty.
276
00:15:33,832 --> 00:15:35,472
HE STRAINS
277
00:15:35,472 --> 00:15:38,112
There. Pride of place.
278
00:15:39,872 --> 00:15:41,312
Whoa.
279
00:15:42,632 --> 00:15:44,592
There.
280
00:15:48,872 --> 00:15:51,992
Come on. Pull self together.
281
00:15:51,992 --> 00:15:53,712
You just tired.
282
00:15:53,712 --> 00:15:55,352
And dead.
283
00:15:55,352 --> 00:15:56,872
Dead tired.
284
00:16:02,552 --> 00:16:04,672
There nothing to be scared of.
285
00:16:07,952 --> 00:16:11,672
HE SCREAMS
286
00:16:11,672 --> 00:16:13,672
Hey.
287
00:16:16,992 --> 00:16:20,992
Hmm. Right, shop.
288
00:16:20,992 --> 00:16:23,832
Like I'm not already doing
everything round here.
289
00:16:23,832 --> 00:16:25,232
Oh.
290
00:16:27,872 --> 00:16:31,952
No. No. No. No. No. Mike?
291
00:16:31,952 --> 00:16:33,672
SHE SIGHS
292
00:16:35,032 --> 00:16:36,712
Come on.
293
00:16:36,712 --> 00:16:39,272
SHE STRAINS
294
00:16:39,272 --> 00:16:42,792
LOUD BANGS AND YELPS
295
00:16:44,272 --> 00:16:48,392
There's a bear.
There's a big bear. Huge bear.
296
00:16:48,392 --> 00:16:50,592
What's he say?
Said he saw a bear... bear...
297
00:16:50,592 --> 00:16:53,952
SOUND REVERBERATES
298
00:16:53,952 --> 00:16:56,272
THUNDER ROARS
299
00:16:56,272 --> 00:16:59,472
THEY PANT
300
00:17:02,352 --> 00:17:04,872
EERIE ANIMAL NOISES
301
00:17:06,072 --> 00:17:07,912
HE GRUNTS
302
00:17:11,632 --> 00:17:13,752
HE GRUNTS
303
00:17:13,752 --> 00:17:17,272
HEAVY BREATHING OFF-SCREEN
304
00:17:22,552 --> 00:17:23,992
THEY CHUCKLE
305
00:17:23,992 --> 00:17:25,752
HE YELPS
306
00:17:26,912 --> 00:17:29,152
ANIMAL ROARS
307
00:17:37,632 --> 00:17:42,312
ANIMAL GROWLS
308
00:17:42,312 --> 00:17:44,192
ANIMAL ROARS
309
00:17:44,192 --> 00:17:46,432
HE YELPS
310
00:17:46,432 --> 00:17:48,832
What did it look like, then? Eh?
311
00:17:48,832 --> 00:17:50,792
This bear you saw. Up there.
312
00:17:50,792 --> 00:17:52,192
It look like bear.
313
00:17:52,192 --> 00:17:54,992
Well, yeah, but what, brown bear,
grizzly bear, Kodiak bear?
314
00:17:54,992 --> 00:17:59,112
I don't know. If you see bear in
house, probably right bear.
315
00:17:59,112 --> 00:18:03,472
No offence, but what are you scared
of? You're already dead.
316
00:18:03,472 --> 00:18:05,552
So is bear.
317
00:18:05,552 --> 00:18:08,632
He's got a point. Oh, look, if I
could just be the voice of reason
318
00:18:08,632 --> 00:18:10,432
for a moment. Here she goes.
319
00:18:10,432 --> 00:18:12,912
As there hasn't been any dead bear
attacks in this house
320
00:18:12,912 --> 00:18:15,912
in the last 600 years,
I'm going to go out on a limb
321
00:18:15,912 --> 00:18:19,192
and say one is probably not about
to come crashing down the stairs.
322
00:18:19,192 --> 00:18:20,392
LOUD BANG
323
00:18:20,392 --> 00:18:23,992
THEY SCREAM
324
00:18:23,992 --> 00:18:25,112
ELECTRICS HUM
325
00:18:25,112 --> 00:18:28,072
THEY SCREAM
326
00:18:28,072 --> 00:18:31,592
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No. No.
It's Alison. It's Alison.
327
00:18:31,592 --> 00:18:34,112
It's not even a bear. Not a bear.
It's not a bear.
328
00:18:34,112 --> 00:18:35,712
It's not a bear - it's Alison.
329
00:18:35,712 --> 00:18:38,472
What's she bringing
that down here for?
330
00:18:38,472 --> 00:18:40,152
I know, I know, it's awful.
331
00:18:40,152 --> 00:18:41,592
But can...
332
00:18:41,592 --> 00:18:43,992
It's just until Mike
forgets about it.
333
00:18:43,992 --> 00:18:45,912
Fine. Put it with the rest.
334
00:18:45,912 --> 00:18:47,352
Thanks, guys.
335
00:18:47,352 --> 00:18:51,792
SHE STRAINS
336
00:19:02,232 --> 00:19:03,912
Thanks.
337
00:19:03,912 --> 00:19:06,632
There you are.
Are we still doing our craft?
338
00:19:06,632 --> 00:19:09,512
Yeah, yeah,
I just got a bit waylaid.
339
00:19:09,512 --> 00:19:12,472
I'll tell you what, it's pretty big,
isn't it? It's massive.
340
00:19:12,472 --> 00:19:15,752
I think it's SICK.
341
00:19:15,752 --> 00:19:18,392
Let's hope it's not contagious.
342
00:19:21,432 --> 00:19:23,792
Still too soon?
343
00:19:23,792 --> 00:19:25,912
All right. Back to craft club.
344
00:19:25,912 --> 00:19:27,712
Spending all this time together.
345
00:19:27,712 --> 00:19:30,312
It's awful and I HATE it.
SHE CHUCKLES
346
00:19:30,312 --> 00:19:35,032
What? Ah, now, I might be able to
explain what's going on there.
347
00:19:35,032 --> 00:19:37,712
See, I may have mentioned,
in passing,
348
00:19:37,712 --> 00:19:40,352
that American youths now use
the word "bad"
349
00:19:40,352 --> 00:19:42,152
to describe something "good."
350
00:19:42,152 --> 00:19:45,472
Don't know if you've seen the LP
by the popular recording artist
351
00:19:45,472 --> 00:19:47,152
Michael Jackson?
352
00:19:47,152 --> 00:19:50,432
Erm... Anyway, seems Kitty has
rather taken the idea
353
00:19:50,432 --> 00:19:51,672
and run with it.
354
00:19:51,672 --> 00:19:53,752
Oh, right. Yeah, OK.
355
00:19:53,752 --> 00:19:56,952
Oh, that explains a lot.
Yeah. Yeah. Thanks, Julian.
356
00:19:56,952 --> 00:20:00,792
Oh, no, no, HAPPY TO HELP.
357
00:20:00,792 --> 00:20:02,632
SPREAD THE WORD! Mm?
358
00:20:03,632 --> 00:20:05,392
Ha.
359
00:20:05,392 --> 00:20:08,392
We're going to find her... Outside.
...and I tell you what...
360
00:20:08,392 --> 00:20:12,552
Ah, Alison. Glad we caught you.
Do you have any eggs in the house?
361
00:20:12,552 --> 00:20:14,952
I'm busy, Pat, and I don't like you
watching me eat.
362
00:20:14,952 --> 00:20:16,712
No, no, we want you to get rid of them.
363
00:20:16,712 --> 00:20:18,952
And any meat. Why?
364
00:20:18,952 --> 00:20:20,592
Because it's murder, Alison.
365
00:20:20,592 --> 00:20:24,112
Yeah. So we're giving it up,
aren't we? Mm-hm.
366
00:20:24,112 --> 00:20:25,272
You already gave it up.
367
00:20:25,272 --> 00:20:27,672
I mean, you've given up eating
everything. Oh!
368
00:20:27,672 --> 00:20:29,712
What you really want is for me
to give it up.
369
00:20:29,712 --> 00:20:32,152
No, this is not about you, Alison.
370
00:20:32,152 --> 00:20:33,952
This is about all those little animals.
371
00:20:33,952 --> 00:20:35,312
Innocent creatures.
372
00:20:37,952 --> 00:20:40,752
Chickpea water. Vegan breakfast.
373
00:20:40,752 --> 00:20:42,672
Right on, brother!
374
00:20:42,672 --> 00:20:44,072
What the...?
375
00:20:44,072 --> 00:20:45,792
Right, this isn't a game.
Where's my bear?
376
00:20:45,792 --> 00:20:48,752
Firstly, "where's my bear?" sounds
like a game. KITTY: Alison, come on!
377
00:20:48,752 --> 00:20:50,992
And secondly, I've put it somewhere
more appropriate.
378
00:20:50,992 --> 00:20:52,472
And don't bother trying to find it,
379
00:20:52,472 --> 00:20:54,272
cos you're never going to guess
where it is...
380
00:20:54,272 --> 00:20:56,392
In the cellar with my other stuff. No.
381
00:20:56,392 --> 00:20:58,952
No. Mike, wait. Just leave it.
Just leave it.
382
00:20:58,952 --> 00:21:02,392
It's tacky and ugly and it'll upset
my guests. Our guests.
383
00:21:02,392 --> 00:21:04,352
I bust a gut for this place just as
much as you do,
384
00:21:04,352 --> 00:21:06,432
I ask for one little thing
and you're acting like...
385
00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:07,752
It's a huge thing!
386
00:21:07,752 --> 00:21:10,512
It's a huge, ugly, snarling thing
387
00:21:10,512 --> 00:21:13,752
and I don't want it anywhere
in this house.
388
00:21:13,752 --> 00:21:15,912
Fine. Fine? Fine.
389
00:21:15,912 --> 00:21:17,072
Fine!
390
00:21:24,432 --> 00:21:26,632
Where is it? Where's Gerrard?
391
00:21:26,632 --> 00:21:28,272
Oh, he lives in the cellar now.
392
00:21:28,272 --> 00:21:29,872
What?! No! No, no, no.
393
00:21:29,872 --> 00:21:32,312
He should be out on display.
He's magnificent.
394
00:21:32,312 --> 00:21:34,312
Yes, he's totally ghastly.
395
00:21:34,312 --> 00:21:36,832
How dare you?! He's a masterpiece.
396
00:21:36,832 --> 00:21:41,672
I agree. He makes me want to do
a sick in my mouth.
397
00:21:41,672 --> 00:21:43,712
Kitty, you appear to be talking at
398
00:21:43,712 --> 00:21:46,032
slightly cross purposes
with... yourself.
399
00:21:46,032 --> 00:21:49,032
No, no. Julian explained that
young people today say
400
00:21:49,032 --> 00:21:50,752
the opposite of what they mean.
401
00:21:50,752 --> 00:21:54,672
Kitty, listening
to Julian is seldom a wise idea.
402
00:21:54,672 --> 00:21:57,952
You have a wonderful grasp
of the King's English
403
00:21:57,952 --> 00:22:00,832
and it would avoid a great deal
of confusion if you would revert
404
00:22:00,832 --> 00:22:03,752
to using it in
the traditional manner.
405
00:22:03,752 --> 00:22:07,032
Yes. Perhaps that's a... good idea.
406
00:22:07,032 --> 00:22:08,912
Yes, much better.
407
00:22:08,912 --> 00:22:10,512
Come on, then, Kitty.
408
00:22:10,512 --> 00:22:11,632
Coming!
409
00:22:15,312 --> 00:22:16,992
There we go.
410
00:22:18,512 --> 00:22:19,792
What do you think?
411
00:22:19,792 --> 00:22:23,512
I think it's garish and vulgar.
412
00:22:23,512 --> 00:22:25,312
Thank you, Kitty.
413
00:22:29,672 --> 00:22:32,112
MOCKINGLY: "I don't want it anywhere
in this house!"
414
00:22:32,112 --> 00:22:36,752
I'll get it out of the house,
all right.
415
00:22:36,752 --> 00:22:40,872
It's all in your head. It's all in
your head. It's in your head.
416
00:22:40,872 --> 00:22:44,032
Argh! Argh!
417
00:22:44,032 --> 00:22:46,392
Oh! Oh!
418
00:22:46,392 --> 00:22:48,032
Why he get so close?
419
00:22:50,272 --> 00:22:52,032
Hang on.
420
00:22:52,032 --> 00:22:56,552
How dead bear attack live man?
421
00:22:58,592 --> 00:23:00,952
Oh, that's right, buddy.
422
00:23:00,952 --> 00:23:02,992
We're putting the B in B&B.
423
00:23:02,992 --> 00:23:04,432
To the gatehouse.
424
00:23:06,632 --> 00:23:08,312
You so silly sometimes.
425
00:23:10,912 --> 00:23:12,232
HE SCREAMS
426
00:23:21,992 --> 00:23:24,992
THUNDER CRASHES, RAIN PATTERS
427
00:23:34,072 --> 00:23:35,112
Oh...
428
00:23:38,072 --> 00:23:41,112
LOW RUMBLING
429
00:23:51,872 --> 00:23:53,752
HE BREATHES SHAKILY
430
00:24:02,632 --> 00:24:03,672
THUNDER CRASHES
431
00:24:03,672 --> 00:24:04,872
HE BABBLES
432
00:24:22,992 --> 00:24:25,472
THUNDER RUMBLES
Oh, no, no, no, don't get it wet.
433
00:24:25,472 --> 00:24:26,672
Don't get it wet.
434
00:24:32,712 --> 00:24:34,432
You have got to be kidding me.
435
00:24:44,192 --> 00:24:45,512
What the hell is he...?
436
00:24:54,272 --> 00:24:55,672
Mike!
437
00:24:58,672 --> 00:25:00,232
Mike!
438
00:25:00,232 --> 00:25:02,792
Get away from the tree!
439
00:25:02,792 --> 00:25:06,272
HE ROARS
440
00:25:13,032 --> 00:25:14,712
THUNDER CRASHES
441
00:25:23,072 --> 00:25:25,232
Come on, then!
442
00:25:29,472 --> 00:25:30,632
THEY GASP
443
00:25:39,472 --> 00:25:41,512
Ah...
444
00:25:41,512 --> 00:25:43,552
Whoa.
445
00:25:48,952 --> 00:25:50,152
Mike!
446
00:25:51,632 --> 00:25:53,272
Alison...
447
00:25:58,312 --> 00:25:59,752
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry... I...
448
00:26:01,752 --> 00:26:04,432
Let's get back to the house.
Wait, the bear.
449
00:26:09,232 --> 00:26:10,352
Good.
450
00:26:10,352 --> 00:26:11,992
I thought lightning never strikes...
451
00:26:11,992 --> 00:26:13,232
Oh!
452
00:26:13,232 --> 00:26:14,792
WINDOWS SHATTER
453
00:26:14,792 --> 00:26:15,832
ALL: Oh...
454
00:26:27,992 --> 00:26:29,872
That's the end of that, then.
455
00:26:31,272 --> 00:26:34,472
Old place had a good innings,
I suppose.
456
00:26:34,472 --> 00:26:37,952
The question is, what now?
457
00:26:37,952 --> 00:26:41,992
Yeah. What now?
458
00:26:41,992 --> 00:26:45,912
I guess we put in a claim,
get some quotes.
459
00:26:45,912 --> 00:26:49,912
Rebuild, reopen.
Or we could, you know...
460
00:26:49,912 --> 00:26:51,432
...not.
461
00:26:51,432 --> 00:26:52,952
Not what?
462
00:26:52,952 --> 00:26:55,712
We worked so hard
to make this five stars,
463
00:26:55,712 --> 00:26:59,392
and for what? Even more work,
even more stress,
464
00:26:59,392 --> 00:27:01,232
and us at each other's throats.
465
00:27:01,232 --> 00:27:02,832
Yeah, that was about the bear.
466
00:27:02,832 --> 00:27:05,512
The bear was about the gatehouse.
467
00:27:05,512 --> 00:27:07,312
Yeah.
468
00:27:07,312 --> 00:27:09,712
This was supposed to be
the easy bit.
469
00:27:09,712 --> 00:27:11,512
Imagine the hotel. Yeah.
470
00:27:13,352 --> 00:27:16,272
What will we do for money?
471
00:27:16,272 --> 00:27:18,672
Honestly, I have no idea.
472
00:27:18,672 --> 00:27:20,832
SIRENS WAIL
473
00:27:21,952 --> 00:27:23,152
Hmm...
474
00:27:23,152 --> 00:27:25,232
SHE EXHALES
475
00:27:32,352 --> 00:27:34,352
Well, it's not exactly a bear, but...
476
00:27:34,352 --> 00:27:36,352
No, no, it's wonderful.
477
00:27:36,352 --> 00:27:38,752
Yeah, I prefer the duck.
478
00:27:38,752 --> 00:27:42,192
Do you see how the down tucks into
the posterior crevice?
479
00:27:42,192 --> 00:27:46,152
Now that is the hallmark of
a true Gerrard. Wonderful.
480
00:27:46,152 --> 00:27:49,392
Yeah, can't believe you found
another Gerrard.
481
00:27:49,392 --> 00:27:51,432
I didn't. It's just the duck from
the library,
482
00:27:51,432 --> 00:27:53,912
I just took the name plate
from the bear and stuck it on.
483
00:27:53,912 --> 00:27:55,192
Very resourceful. Yeah.
484
00:27:55,192 --> 00:27:57,352
Fraudulent, but resourceful.
485
00:27:57,352 --> 00:27:59,152
Well, it was Julian's idea.
486
00:27:59,152 --> 00:28:04,152
Well, if it puts a smile on their
faces, I'm happy to help.
487
00:28:04,152 --> 00:28:05,792
There's a heart in there somewhere.
488
00:28:05,792 --> 00:28:08,472
Reminds me of the time I sent
an actual pig's heart,
489
00:28:08,472 --> 00:28:11,392
in a box,
as a threat to a journalist.
490
00:28:11,392 --> 00:28:12,552
And there he is.
491
00:28:12,552 --> 00:28:15,432
Right. Boiled eggs for you. Yes!
492
00:28:15,432 --> 00:28:17,952
The murderer.
Beautiful murderer.
493
00:28:17,952 --> 00:28:21,232
And for me, Mike's vegan scramble.
494
00:28:21,232 --> 00:28:24,712
For which no chickens died, and it's
absolutely delic...
495
00:28:24,712 --> 00:28:26,712
Urgh.
496
00:28:26,712 --> 00:28:31,592
Oh, I think my aquafaba was
a bit heavy on the aqua.
497
00:28:31,592 --> 00:28:34,192
Well, five stars for effort.
498
00:28:34,192 --> 00:28:36,712
Mike... Mike.
499
00:28:36,712 --> 00:28:38,192
Yeah? Yeah.
500
00:28:38,192 --> 00:28:39,352
Mm!
501
00:28:43,392 --> 00:28:45,072
Ooh...
502
00:28:45,072 --> 00:28:47,512
I suppose, when you think about it,
503
00:28:47,512 --> 00:28:51,632
most people in this house haven't
eaten an egg in decades.
504
00:28:51,632 --> 00:28:53,072
Centuries. Yeah.
505
00:28:53,072 --> 00:28:56,912
And you could argue that, well,
we've done our bit
506
00:28:56,912 --> 00:29:00,152
as a household, and that perhaps
507
00:29:00,152 --> 00:29:04,152
the occasional egg could be
forgiven?
508
00:29:04,152 --> 00:29:06,472
To whatever comes next.
509
00:29:06,472 --> 00:29:07,792
To whatever's next.
510
00:29:14,072 --> 00:29:17,752
Huh-huh-huh...
I'm not dipping it again. Ooh!
33643
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