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1
00:00:07,992 --> 00:00:11,352
"Nothing to do." "Nothing to do"?
"Nothing to do,"?!
2
00:00:11,352 --> 00:00:13,112
Mm. I mean...
3
00:00:13,112 --> 00:00:15,312
Thank you. There's tonnes to do!
4
00:00:15,312 --> 00:00:18,592
There's lovely little walks and
there's that nice pub down the road.
5
00:00:18,592 --> 00:00:19,872
That closed down.
6
00:00:19,872 --> 00:00:22,352
OK, well, there's still
that not-very-nice pub
7
00:00:22,352 --> 00:00:23,592
that's a long way away.
8
00:00:23,592 --> 00:00:25,512
OK, not lots to do, exactly,
9
00:00:25,512 --> 00:00:28,472
but, like, whatever happened to
the great outdoors?
10
00:00:28,472 --> 00:00:31,312
Climb a tree. Hug a tree. Visit...
11
00:00:31,312 --> 00:00:32,832
...a... tree.
12
00:00:33,992 --> 00:00:35,552
Sorry.
13
00:00:35,552 --> 00:00:37,792
I'm going on.
No, no, no, it's the, erm...
14
00:00:37,792 --> 00:00:39,432
EVERYONE TALKS AT ONCE
15
00:00:39,432 --> 00:00:41,232
There's too much milk,
if anything!
16
00:00:41,232 --> 00:00:43,072
It should be the colour
of a buff envelope.
17
00:00:43,072 --> 00:00:45,872
No, no, no, we've been through this.
It should be brick red, one lump.
18
00:00:45,872 --> 00:00:47,352
A slice of lemon and nothing more!
19
00:00:47,352 --> 00:00:49,232
Well, two lumps,
if you're on manoeuvres.
20
00:00:49,232 --> 00:00:51,872
Or a drop of something stronger,
if you get the right tea lady.
21
00:00:51,872 --> 00:00:54,992
God, I miss the Commons. No, look,
come along, it should be brick red.
22
00:00:54,992 --> 00:00:57,032
We've heard. You're just wrong.
23
00:00:57,032 --> 00:00:59,112
How dare you tell a soldier how to
make tea!
24
00:00:59,112 --> 00:01:01,472
I don't have to listen to this.
I'm from Yorkshire, mate!
25
00:01:01,472 --> 00:01:02,872
I'm practically made of tea!
26
00:01:02,872 --> 00:01:05,352
FANNY: Well, my family imported
tea, and the correct way...
27
00:01:05,352 --> 00:01:06,912
SHE GROANS
Yorkshire...
28
00:01:06,912 --> 00:01:08,992
God!
SILENCE!
29
00:01:08,992 --> 00:01:11,912
Do you lot ever think you maybe
spend a little bit too much time
30
00:01:11,912 --> 00:01:13,672
in each other's company?
31
00:01:13,672 --> 00:01:15,312
Well, we don't have much choice.
32
00:01:15,312 --> 00:01:17,872
Yes, you know what they say -
you can't choose your family.
33
00:01:17,872 --> 00:01:21,072
Or the people you're trapped with
for eternity in the afterlife.
34
00:01:21,072 --> 00:01:23,032
Do they say that?
35
00:01:23,032 --> 00:01:24,192
No, I said it.
36
00:01:24,192 --> 00:01:27,072
ROBIN: I've never heard anyone...
ARGUMENT RESTARTS
37
00:01:33,792 --> 00:01:37,312
Absolutely ridiculous,
telling me how to make my tea.
38
00:01:37,312 --> 00:01:40,512
I mean, I can't drink it,
but that's not the point.
39
00:01:41,472 --> 00:01:44,512
Ah!
DOG BARKS
40
00:01:44,512 --> 00:01:45,672
Ah!
41
00:01:46,992 --> 00:01:48,392
Mm.
42
00:01:49,752 --> 00:01:50,792
Good!
43
00:01:56,272 --> 00:01:58,592
HE HUMS
44
00:01:58,592 --> 00:02:00,672
Mornin'. Good morning.
45
00:02:00,672 --> 00:02:03,232
HE HUMS, THEN SUDDENLY STOPS
46
00:02:03,232 --> 00:02:04,632
EVERYONE TALKS AT ONCE
47
00:02:04,632 --> 00:02:06,432
Attention, everyone!
48
00:02:08,352 --> 00:02:09,992
There's another ghost.
ALL GASP
49
00:02:09,992 --> 00:02:11,712
I told you!
50
00:02:33,112 --> 00:02:34,672
{\an8}Just up there, on the border.
51
00:02:34,672 --> 00:02:37,512
{\an8}Ah, the old Asprey estate. Mm.
52
00:02:37,512 --> 00:02:40,192
{\an8}I said ages ago
is dead guy over hedge!
53
00:02:40,192 --> 00:02:43,192
{\an8}Yes, well, you say a lot of things,
Robin, and your imagination
54
00:02:43,192 --> 00:02:45,472
{\an8}does have a tendency
to run away with you.
55
00:02:45,472 --> 00:02:47,232
{\an8}The Queen's out there!
56
00:02:47,232 --> 00:02:49,192
{\an8}Two horses are doing it.
57
00:02:49,192 --> 00:02:51,072
{\an8}They are filming a Carry On!
58
00:02:51,072 --> 00:02:52,672
{\an8}Is dead guy over the hedge!
59
00:02:53,672 --> 00:02:55,872
I know what I saw.
CAPTAIN: Come along.
60
00:02:55,872 --> 00:02:57,232
Where's the fire?
61
00:02:57,232 --> 00:03:00,032
Ah! There's another ghost, Alison.
Come and say hello!
62
00:03:00,032 --> 00:03:01,872
Yeah, leave that.
Repairs are for squares.
63
00:03:01,872 --> 00:03:03,192
I'm all right, thanks.
64
00:03:03,192 --> 00:03:06,392
No offence, but the last thing
I need is another ghost.
65
00:03:07,792 --> 00:03:08,872
Annabel!
66
00:03:08,872 --> 00:03:11,992
UNDER HER BREATH: Or another neighbour.
67
00:03:11,992 --> 00:03:14,912
Ah! Isn't she marvellous?
68
00:03:14,912 --> 00:03:16,192
The quad bike, not you.
69
00:03:16,192 --> 00:03:18,992
Thank you.
I was hoping to catch you.
70
00:03:18,992 --> 00:03:23,592
A little bird - Mary from the shop -
tells me you've started a B&B.
71
00:03:23,592 --> 00:03:26,392
That's right, yeah, up at the
Gatehouse. Right.
72
00:03:26,392 --> 00:03:30,512
It's just that there may be
voices on the local council
73
00:03:30,512 --> 00:03:33,152
who will worry about... tone.
74
00:03:33,152 --> 00:03:35,552
What voices? Well, exactly!
75
00:03:35,552 --> 00:03:38,352
Saying things like,
"Brings down the area,"
76
00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:40,712
or, "Turning into Blackpool."
77
00:03:40,712 --> 00:03:43,152
We need the money,
so you can tell these "voices"
78
00:03:43,152 --> 00:03:44,552
that it's all very above board.
79
00:03:44,552 --> 00:03:46,392
It's very classy, in fact.
Five-star.
80
00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:48,752
Well, it will be.
We hope so, at some point.
81
00:03:48,752 --> 00:03:50,072
Well, that's what they all say.
82
00:03:50,072 --> 00:03:52,872
But before you know it,
there's a funfair, donkey rides
83
00:03:52,872 --> 00:03:55,352
and a real problem with prostitution.
84
00:03:55,352 --> 00:03:57,272
When did you last leave the area?
85
00:03:57,272 --> 00:03:58,752
All I'm saying is,
86
00:03:58,752 --> 00:04:03,352
is it really worth the risk for
the sake of a couple of quid?
87
00:04:03,352 --> 00:04:05,632
200 quid a night. Well, exactly.
88
00:04:05,632 --> 00:04:09,072
Pin money! 200?
89
00:04:09,072 --> 00:04:11,512
Well, there's something
to think about.
90
00:04:11,512 --> 00:04:13,392
ENGINE STARTS
Toodle-pip!
91
00:04:18,992 --> 00:04:20,632
"Nothing to do."
Can you believe that?
92
00:04:20,632 --> 00:04:23,072
OVER PHONE: Well, you are
a bit out in the sticks.
93
00:04:23,072 --> 00:04:26,312
Maybe you need to offer some
activities, like bungee jumping.
94
00:04:26,312 --> 00:04:29,352
Off what? The roof?
All right, then, archery.
95
00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:30,632
Ooh, yeah! That's a great...
96
00:04:30,632 --> 00:04:34,072
No. Actually, not archery.
97
00:04:34,072 --> 00:04:35,752
Well, wine tasting, then.
98
00:04:35,752 --> 00:04:38,912
Or baking. Or cookery!
99
00:04:38,912 --> 00:04:41,632
Not cookery. What is that?!
100
00:04:41,632 --> 00:04:43,752
Fridge bap.
You still eat fridge baps?
101
00:04:43,752 --> 00:04:45,832
Mm-hm. Mate, you're not 21 any more!
102
00:04:45,832 --> 00:04:47,872
You need to look after yourself.
103
00:04:47,872 --> 00:04:49,632
Ohhh!
104
00:04:49,632 --> 00:04:51,912
Open a health farm!
105
00:04:51,912 --> 00:04:53,672
A spa! A hotel!
106
00:04:53,672 --> 00:04:56,152
That's already the plan.
107
00:04:56,152 --> 00:04:58,992
Well, I don't know!
People need something to do.
108
00:04:58,992 --> 00:05:01,912
Doesn't need to be much.
Just a bit of fun. Hmm!
109
00:05:03,752 --> 00:05:06,032
When you die, can I have your decks?
110
00:05:06,032 --> 00:05:08,672
ALL EXCLAIM
CAPTAIN: Exciting.
111
00:05:08,672 --> 00:05:10,312
Hello! Here we are, of course!
112
00:05:10,312 --> 00:05:13,112
No, simmer down, simmer down.
Simmer. Simmer.
113
00:05:13,112 --> 00:05:14,832
Simmer.
114
00:05:14,832 --> 00:05:16,712
Now, this is, erm...
115
00:05:18,112 --> 00:05:19,912
Sorry, I don't actually
know your name.
116
00:05:19,912 --> 00:05:21,232
Maddocks, sir.
117
00:05:21,232 --> 00:05:24,112
ALL: Maddocks! Maddocks... Maddocks?
118
00:05:24,112 --> 00:05:25,712
Ah, everyone, this is Maddocks.
119
00:05:25,712 --> 00:05:28,032
Maddocks, this is... everyone! Hello!
120
00:05:28,032 --> 00:05:30,392
How do, how do? Robin.
121
00:05:30,392 --> 00:05:33,912
Hey! And, erm, Maddocks
died by, erm...
122
00:05:33,912 --> 00:05:36,352
Sorry, I didn't actually
ask you anything, did I?
123
00:05:36,352 --> 00:05:38,672
Erm, I trod on a badger trap, sir.
124
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:41,352
Ah! Oh! Oh. Oh, no.
125
00:05:41,352 --> 00:05:44,432
That's nasty. Yes, that's...
Oh, you can see the bone!
126
00:05:44,432 --> 00:05:46,232
Oh, aye, you can, yeah.
127
00:05:46,232 --> 00:05:49,112
Here! Do I detect an accent?
128
00:05:49,112 --> 00:05:51,952
Sheffield lad, sir. Give over!
129
00:05:51,952 --> 00:05:53,592
I'm from Huddersfield!
130
00:05:53,592 --> 00:05:55,512
Neighbouring... fields!
131
00:05:55,512 --> 00:05:58,832
Well, er, we still are, sir.
ALL LAUGH
132
00:05:58,832 --> 00:06:00,912
He's funny! He's funny!
133
00:06:00,912 --> 00:06:03,832
In't you funny? Oh, if it
pleases you, sir.
134
00:06:03,832 --> 00:06:07,272
Aye, I come down this way
looking for work. Gamekeeper.
135
00:06:07,272 --> 00:06:09,952
JULIAN: Feared as much.
Working-class.
136
00:06:09,952 --> 00:06:13,192
Unless they're in a voting booth,
there's very little point.
137
00:06:13,192 --> 00:06:15,032
So you worked for the Aspreys?
138
00:06:15,032 --> 00:06:16,952
Uh-huh. I knew Lady Asprey.
139
00:06:16,952 --> 00:06:18,472
We played bridge together.
140
00:06:18,472 --> 00:06:20,992
Well, I played. She cheated. Mm.
141
00:06:20,992 --> 00:06:23,192
Erm...
142
00:06:23,192 --> 00:06:25,432
Anyway, I should probably...
ALL: Oh, no, no!
143
00:06:25,432 --> 00:06:26,872
OVERLAPPING PROTESTS
144
00:06:26,872 --> 00:06:28,312
Well, it's just, er...
145
00:06:29,472 --> 00:06:30,872
...I don't like to linger here.
146
00:06:30,872 --> 00:06:33,832
This is where it happened. The trap.
147
00:06:33,832 --> 00:06:36,232
Nine hours to bleed out.
148
00:06:36,232 --> 00:06:37,832
Two weeks to find the corpse.
149
00:06:37,832 --> 00:06:39,712
I had to watch meself being eaten.
150
00:06:39,712 --> 00:06:41,112
Slowly.
151
00:06:41,112 --> 00:06:42,712
By badgers.
152
00:06:44,992 --> 00:06:48,912
Well, all the more reason
to stay, then!
153
00:06:48,912 --> 00:06:51,432
New company, new memories.
154
00:06:51,432 --> 00:06:53,112
Perhaps, in time,
155
00:06:53,112 --> 00:06:56,432
this spot will remind you of us
instead of, erm...
156
00:06:56,432 --> 00:06:57,632
Being eaten by badgers?
157
00:06:57,632 --> 00:06:59,312
Yes.
158
00:06:59,312 --> 00:07:02,512
Well, you must stay.
You simply must!
159
00:07:02,512 --> 00:07:04,352
Oh, well, if I must, sir.
160
00:07:04,352 --> 00:07:06,712
Let's dispense with the formalities.
161
00:07:06,712 --> 00:07:08,352
Please, call me...
162
00:07:08,352 --> 00:07:11,152
MIKE: Fun. Fun.
163
00:07:11,152 --> 00:07:12,672
Ooh, yeah.
164
00:07:13,912 --> 00:07:16,752
Ah, there you are. Are you... busy?
No, no. No.
165
00:07:16,752 --> 00:07:19,392
They've, erm, popped out
to meet someone.
166
00:07:19,392 --> 00:07:22,152
Right, so, we've got all of
this land and we've got guests
167
00:07:22,152 --> 00:07:24,232
who complain that
there's "nothing to do".
168
00:07:24,232 --> 00:07:26,432
So I was thinking...
169
00:07:26,432 --> 00:07:28,312
ยฃ3,000?
170
00:07:28,312 --> 00:07:31,232
Mike, you've got to stop
obsessing over that one review.
171
00:07:31,232 --> 00:07:32,312
Well, it's not just that.
172
00:07:32,312 --> 00:07:34,672
We've got to compete with
other guest houses in the area.
173
00:07:34,672 --> 00:07:36,792
I mean, look at this one, right?
It's 12 miles away.
174
00:07:36,792 --> 00:07:39,992
It's got pool-pool,
table-table, tennis...
175
00:07:39,992 --> 00:07:42,072
Pool, pool table, table tennis.
176
00:07:42,072 --> 00:07:43,432
No-one using commas?
177
00:07:43,432 --> 00:07:45,832
Yeah, that would be really nice
if we had the money,
178
00:07:45,832 --> 00:07:48,112
but right now, all we can afford
is two Dan Browns
179
00:07:48,112 --> 00:07:50,272
and the board game of your choice.
180
00:07:50,272 --> 00:07:52,032
Board games.
181
00:07:53,632 --> 00:07:56,712
Oh! We could put the chess table...
That gets more use than you'd think.
182
00:07:56,712 --> 00:07:58,632
HE SIGHS
183
00:08:01,192 --> 00:08:02,632
Hmm!
184
00:08:06,312 --> 00:08:08,392
It's a kind of a game.
185
00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:15,552
That was quick.
Yeah, not really my type.
186
00:08:15,552 --> 00:08:18,232
Besides, couldn't get
a word in edgeways.
187
00:08:18,232 --> 00:08:20,152
You know what they're like. Yeah!
188
00:08:23,152 --> 00:08:24,632
Yeah.
189
00:08:24,632 --> 00:08:26,872
EVERYONE TALKS AT ONCE
190
00:08:26,872 --> 00:08:28,232
Oh, Alison! Alison!
191
00:08:28,232 --> 00:08:30,392
Alison, Alison!
Let me introduce you.
192
00:08:30,392 --> 00:08:34,552
Now, Alison is alive,
but she can see dead people!
193
00:08:34,552 --> 00:08:37,032
Oh, congratulations, ma'am.
194
00:08:37,032 --> 00:08:40,272
Thank you...? I hope
they're not bothering you.
195
00:08:40,272 --> 00:08:41,792
ALL EXCLAIM
196
00:08:41,792 --> 00:08:43,952
You cheeky ha'porth!
197
00:08:43,952 --> 00:08:46,032
I think we should probably go, guys.
198
00:08:46,032 --> 00:08:47,752
Your friend's looking
a little bit tired.
199
00:08:47,752 --> 00:08:49,672
Kind of you to notice, ma'am.
200
00:08:49,672 --> 00:08:51,712
Erm, that's largely
down to blood loss, so...
201
00:08:51,712 --> 00:08:52,912
Mm.
202
00:08:54,232 --> 00:08:55,552
Oh!
203
00:08:55,552 --> 00:08:57,512
The purple bit's a tendon.
204
00:08:57,512 --> 00:09:00,112
And the grey bit's the tibia!
SHE GIGGLES
205
00:09:00,112 --> 00:09:02,512
Anyway, I think probably
we'll just get going.
206
00:09:02,512 --> 00:09:05,712
Come on. Come on, everyone.
You'll be back tomorrow, yes?
207
00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:08,552
Er, y-yes, ma'am. Yes, of course.
208
00:09:08,552 --> 00:09:10,752
Marvellous. See you tomorrow.
Have a lovely evening.
209
00:09:10,752 --> 00:09:12,552
Come on. Getting late. Ta-ra, love.
210
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,512
All the best. Carry on, Maddocks.
Aye. Yes, sir.
211
00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:16,192
Actually, it is getting late.
212
00:09:16,192 --> 00:09:17,712
I wonder where our guests are.
213
00:09:20,232 --> 00:09:21,552
Hello?
214
00:09:21,552 --> 00:09:24,192
Hi, yeah, hi.
It's Alison from the Gatehouse.
215
00:09:24,192 --> 00:09:26,952
I was just wondering what time
you're planning to arrive, with...
216
00:09:26,952 --> 00:09:29,592
Oh, right, OK.
I'll come and check you in.
217
00:09:29,592 --> 00:09:32,392
Oh! Oh, right. How did you get in?
218
00:09:32,392 --> 00:09:34,272
My husband? But he's...
219
00:09:36,152 --> 00:09:37,912
What did he look like?
220
00:09:39,552 --> 00:09:40,952
DOGS BARK
221
00:09:40,952 --> 00:09:42,352
Annabel!
222
00:09:42,352 --> 00:09:44,472
What the hell is this? It's a sign.
223
00:09:44,472 --> 00:09:47,152
Yes. My sign... that I found
at the top of your drive
224
00:09:47,152 --> 00:09:48,752
with this arrow nailed to it.
225
00:09:48,752 --> 00:09:52,152
Well, don't look at me!
It must have been local youths.
226
00:09:52,152 --> 00:09:54,272
I did warn you -
the area's going to pot.
227
00:09:54,272 --> 00:09:56,152
So you didn't steal my guests?
228
00:09:56,152 --> 00:09:57,992
Absolutely not!
229
00:09:57,992 --> 00:10:01,112
Although, come to think of it,
there was a couple
230
00:10:01,112 --> 00:10:04,192
who popped by earlier looking
for a room for the night.
231
00:10:04,192 --> 00:10:06,112
I put them up in the
old hunting lodge,
232
00:10:06,112 --> 00:10:07,712
out of the goodness of my heart.
233
00:10:07,712 --> 00:10:10,752
But they insisted on giving me ยฃ200.
234
00:10:10,752 --> 00:10:12,672
You said that was pin money.
235
00:10:12,672 --> 00:10:15,552
Well, it is,
but everybody needs pins.
236
00:10:15,552 --> 00:10:18,072
You are the most unscrupulous...
237
00:10:18,072 --> 00:10:19,472
Sh...
238
00:10:19,472 --> 00:10:21,112
WHISPERS: I have guests!
239
00:10:21,112 --> 00:10:22,912
ALISON GASPS
240
00:10:22,912 --> 00:10:24,112
He did what?!
241
00:10:24,112 --> 00:10:26,232
He poached our guests.
242
00:10:26,232 --> 00:10:28,512
Delicious. And he doesn't even
need the money!
243
00:10:28,512 --> 00:10:29,992
Like, it's just a game to him,
244
00:10:29,992 --> 00:10:32,512
whereas we have to count
every single penny!
245
00:10:32,512 --> 00:10:35,672
Yeah. I'm not going to let him
get away with this.
246
00:10:35,672 --> 00:10:37,752
Yeah, I'm going to
fight fire with fire.
247
00:10:37,752 --> 00:10:40,352
Would that work? In what way?
248
00:10:40,352 --> 00:10:41,952
Julian, Julian, Julian, Julian.
249
00:10:41,952 --> 00:10:45,432
You were in politics. You must know
a few dirty tricks.
250
00:10:45,432 --> 00:10:49,072
I'm afraid I don't recall any
involvement in anything underhand
251
00:10:49,072 --> 00:10:51,392
whilst I was in office. What?
252
00:10:51,392 --> 00:10:53,712
Is what I tell the public inquiry!
253
00:10:53,712 --> 00:10:56,232
LAUGHTER
254
00:10:56,232 --> 00:10:57,392
No, I'd be happy to help.
255
00:10:57,392 --> 00:10:58,872
I know every trick in the book.
256
00:10:58,872 --> 00:11:00,232
I wrote the book!
257
00:11:00,232 --> 00:11:01,432
What is this?
258
00:11:02,512 --> 00:11:05,752
Oh! It like chess, but it huge!
259
00:11:05,752 --> 00:11:08,232
Ah, Alison, we need this.
We need that.
260
00:11:08,232 --> 00:11:11,152
Mike, tell me you haven't
just bought giant chess.
261
00:11:11,152 --> 00:11:12,792
I haven't bought giant chess.
262
00:11:12,792 --> 00:11:14,832
ROBIN GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION
I haven't!
263
00:11:14,832 --> 00:11:16,112
Come on, then.
264
00:11:16,112 --> 00:11:17,952
Step into my office.
265
00:11:19,872 --> 00:11:21,592
What have you got?
266
00:11:21,592 --> 00:11:24,232
What do you know about judo?
267
00:11:24,232 --> 00:11:27,592
ALISON: That's your plan?
I fight Barclay?
268
00:11:27,592 --> 00:11:31,192
No, not actual judo. It's a tactic.
269
00:11:31,192 --> 00:11:33,752
Use your opponent's attack
against them.
270
00:11:33,752 --> 00:11:35,632
He's taken your sign.
271
00:11:35,632 --> 00:11:37,992
Well, I took it back.
No, no, no, no!
272
00:11:37,992 --> 00:11:41,272
If that's his move, let's use it.
273
00:11:41,272 --> 00:11:43,512
Let him keep the sign.
274
00:11:43,512 --> 00:11:46,072
In fact, how about we even...
275
00:11:46,072 --> 00:11:47,912
...spruce it up a little?
276
00:11:47,912 --> 00:11:52,032
Can we do that?! 'Course you can.
It's your sign.
277
00:11:53,712 --> 00:11:56,032
{\an8}Ohhh! Ah!
278
00:11:57,472 --> 00:11:59,992
CLOCK CHIMES
279
00:11:59,992 --> 00:12:02,512
SHE SCREAMS
280
00:12:13,992 --> 00:12:15,072
ANIMATED CHATTER
281
00:12:15,072 --> 00:12:16,592
THOMAS: I can see some movement!
282
00:12:16,592 --> 00:12:20,352
Ohhh... Oh! Another early bird.
283
00:12:20,352 --> 00:12:23,032
Yes, and no sign of the worm,
so you can join the queue.
284
00:12:23,032 --> 00:12:25,992
Excuse me, sir, I was here first.
Balderdash, sir!
285
00:12:25,992 --> 00:12:27,632
No, balderdash to you, sir!
286
00:12:27,632 --> 00:12:30,992
EVERYONE TALKS AT ONCE
Please... Please!
287
00:12:32,832 --> 00:12:36,352
Now, I've had this before
with our clubhouse.
288
00:12:36,352 --> 00:12:38,272
We had to share it with St John's,
289
00:12:38,272 --> 00:12:41,512
the Venture Scouts
and the Sea Beavers!
290
00:12:41,512 --> 00:12:44,432
And there's only one thing
that works.
291
00:12:44,432 --> 00:12:46,552
A rota.
292
00:12:46,552 --> 00:12:49,752
So, Lady Asprey wasn't averse
to a restorative tonic,
293
00:12:49,752 --> 00:12:51,912
if you get my meaning, Maddocks.
294
00:12:51,912 --> 00:12:53,712
Is that game?
Does that count as game?
295
00:12:53,712 --> 00:12:55,712
Well, anyway, it's a seagull,
and I shot it.
296
00:12:55,712 --> 00:12:58,512
Of course, on my side of
t'peaks, a ginnel's a snicket.
297
00:12:58,512 --> 00:13:01,192
And here's him calling it
a twitten? Give over!
298
00:13:01,192 --> 00:13:04,792
So, prawn can move two square
first go, but only vertical.
299
00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:08,192
Thomas? You're up.
300
00:13:08,192 --> 00:13:09,712
Yes!
301
00:13:12,672 --> 00:13:14,072
It's not without its problems.
302
00:13:14,072 --> 00:13:16,152
She's alive, I'm dead.
303
00:13:16,152 --> 00:13:18,072
But we make it work.
304
00:13:18,072 --> 00:13:19,872
And what's the brown stuff?
305
00:13:19,872 --> 00:13:21,912
Er, it's bone marrow.
306
00:13:21,912 --> 00:13:23,552
Ooh!
307
00:13:24,952 --> 00:13:27,032
I think he's got gangrene.
308
00:13:30,832 --> 00:13:33,912
Well, she called it a folly, but it
was little more than a shed.
309
00:13:33,912 --> 00:13:37,272
Just room enough for a bridge table
and a barrel of gin.
310
00:13:37,272 --> 00:13:40,112
It was just up here,
beyond the orangery.
311
00:13:40,112 --> 00:13:41,792
WHISPERING: Hi.
312
00:13:41,792 --> 00:13:43,272
You're popular today.
313
00:13:43,272 --> 00:13:46,912
Oh, er, most attentive, ma'am.
314
00:13:46,912 --> 00:13:50,952
Yeah. I know they can be a lot,
but when you get to know them...
315
00:13:50,952 --> 00:13:53,072
Have you booked a slot? Erm...
316
00:13:53,072 --> 00:13:57,192
No! That's what I thought.
Honestly! No manners at all.
317
00:13:57,192 --> 00:14:01,032
Which reminds me of Lord Asprey
and that infernal pipe.
318
00:14:01,032 --> 00:14:03,552
Honestly! Lord Ashtray,
we used to call him.
319
00:14:03,552 --> 00:14:05,512
DRILLING IN DISTANCE
Ah. Very good, ma'am.
320
00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:08,272
PNEUMATIC DRILLS ROAR
321
00:14:08,272 --> 00:14:12,072
Hey! Excuse me,
what do you think you're doing?
322
00:14:13,872 --> 00:14:15,472
Annabel!
323
00:14:15,472 --> 00:14:17,352
Stop!
DRILLS STOP
324
00:14:17,352 --> 00:14:20,592
Managed to call in a few favours
down at the council.
325
00:14:20,592 --> 00:14:23,392
Thought I'd finally get
those potholes sorted.
326
00:14:23,392 --> 00:14:26,672
What potholes? Well, cracks, really.
327
00:14:26,672 --> 00:14:29,952
But if the frost gets in there,
better to nip it in the bud.
328
00:14:31,192 --> 00:14:33,312
They're completely
blocking our driveway.
329
00:14:33,312 --> 00:14:34,552
What?
330
00:14:34,552 --> 00:14:37,392
Oh, yes, I suppose they are, a bit.
331
00:14:37,392 --> 00:14:40,312
Oh, well, they'll only be
a few days.
332
00:14:40,312 --> 00:14:42,232
A week at the outside. A week?!
333
00:14:42,232 --> 00:14:45,392
Oh, yes, you probably have guests!
334
00:14:45,392 --> 00:14:49,432
Yes! Oh, well, there's always room
down at my place.
335
00:14:49,432 --> 00:14:52,432
You can't miss it.
There's a very handy sign.
336
00:14:54,032 --> 00:14:56,672
Barclay? I think you're a big...
337
00:14:56,672 --> 00:14:58,432
PNEUMATIC DRILL STARTS UP
338
00:14:58,432 --> 00:15:01,712
DRILL DROWNS OUT SPEECH
339
00:15:05,672 --> 00:15:07,912
He did what?!
340
00:15:07,912 --> 00:15:11,832
Yeah. I just had to bribe two guys
not to fix a road. Oh!
341
00:15:11,832 --> 00:15:14,232
That's... brilliant!
342
00:15:14,232 --> 00:15:16,392
I mean... awful. You know.
343
00:15:16,392 --> 00:15:18,992
But in a way I really admire.
344
00:15:18,992 --> 00:15:20,192
So what are we going to do?
345
00:15:20,192 --> 00:15:22,392
Well, when he goes low...
346
00:15:22,392 --> 00:15:24,352
We go high. What?
347
00:15:24,352 --> 00:15:26,712
No? Oh. Oh, God, no.
348
00:15:26,712 --> 00:15:28,632
We go even lower. Erm...
349
00:15:28,632 --> 00:15:32,352
Ooh, hey, open up that CIA thing,
you know, the, erm...
350
00:15:32,352 --> 00:15:33,912
...road atlas from outer space?
351
00:15:33,912 --> 00:15:36,192
Erm... Oh, oh.
352
00:15:38,072 --> 00:15:40,672
That's it. Now, show me
Barclay's place.
353
00:15:40,672 --> 00:15:42,552
Erm...
354
00:15:42,552 --> 00:15:45,152
Yeah. Now... B-b-b-b-b...
355
00:15:45,152 --> 00:15:48,392
HE CLEARS THROAT AND GRUNTS
356
00:15:48,392 --> 00:15:52,032
What are you doing? Looking for
anything that falls foul of...
357
00:15:52,032 --> 00:15:54,872
STRAINS: ..planning... regulations.
358
00:15:54,872 --> 00:15:59,872
That type stays very rich
by being very, very tight,
359
00:15:59,872 --> 00:16:03,792
which means somewhere,
he's cut some corners.
360
00:16:03,792 --> 00:16:06,792
How do you know this? Because that's
what I would have done.
361
00:16:06,792 --> 00:16:08,032
Aha!
362
00:16:09,232 --> 00:16:15,312
Hello! Oh, Barclay,
you naughty, naughty boy!
363
00:16:15,312 --> 00:16:16,952
HE CHUCKLES
364
00:16:19,872 --> 00:16:23,632
Ah! Yeah, I think that's for me.
365
00:16:23,632 --> 00:16:25,952
Just need you to sign for it.
Oh, sure.
366
00:16:28,032 --> 00:16:29,512
There you go, mate. Cheers.
367
00:16:35,392 --> 00:16:37,152
Ooh.
368
00:16:49,592 --> 00:16:52,352
HE LAUGHS DELIGHTEDLY
Oh, yeah!
369
00:16:54,312 --> 00:16:55,712
Right!
370
00:16:57,352 --> 00:16:59,592
Money well spent!
ALISON: Mike?
371
00:17:02,272 --> 00:17:03,992
Why is that...?
372
00:17:05,952 --> 00:17:07,712
What? No!
373
00:17:07,712 --> 00:17:09,672
Erm...
374
00:17:16,312 --> 00:17:17,872
Mike?
375
00:17:17,872 --> 00:17:20,552
PHONE BUZZES
376
00:17:20,552 --> 00:17:21,632
SHE GASPS
377
00:17:21,632 --> 00:17:23,752
BARCLAY OVER MOBILE: Annabel?
Hello there!
378
00:17:23,752 --> 00:17:26,632
I've just had a visit
from Building Control.
379
00:17:26,632 --> 00:17:28,392
Building Control? Yes.
380
00:17:28,392 --> 00:17:31,312
Turned up unannounced, poking
in every nook and cranny.
381
00:17:31,312 --> 00:17:35,112
Said they'd had reports of
irregularity. Oh!
382
00:17:35,112 --> 00:17:36,552
Oh, dear!
383
00:17:36,552 --> 00:17:38,152
Maybe it was your guests.
384
00:17:38,152 --> 00:17:40,392
I mean, if you will just
let in people off the street...
385
00:17:40,392 --> 00:17:44,352
My guests had nothing to do with
this, as well you know!
386
00:17:44,352 --> 00:17:46,992
SQUEAKING AND STRAINING
387
00:17:46,992 --> 00:17:48,912
CRASH!
388
00:17:52,232 --> 00:17:54,912
Well, I'm not sure
what you're implying, Barclay.
389
00:17:54,912 --> 00:17:57,712
Oh, don't give me that.
We both know that you...
390
00:17:57,712 --> 00:18:01,072
MAN: It's probably... What? No, it's
within permitted development!
391
00:18:01,072 --> 00:18:04,432
If it's two metres...
I've got to go.
392
00:18:04,432 --> 00:18:07,672
And... judo! Yes!
393
00:18:07,672 --> 00:18:10,632
Or whatever you say
when you win at judo.
394
00:18:14,672 --> 00:18:16,112
Come on.
395
00:18:17,632 --> 00:18:19,112
Oh!
396
00:18:22,072 --> 00:18:23,832
Well, it was fun while it lasted.
397
00:18:35,112 --> 00:18:36,872
That'll do it.
398
00:18:56,232 --> 00:18:57,952
Whoa!
399
00:19:03,152 --> 00:19:05,352
HE GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION
400
00:19:05,352 --> 00:19:06,512
EVERYONE TALKS AT ONCE
401
00:19:06,512 --> 00:19:08,312
Mike turn into giant mushroom!
402
00:19:08,312 --> 00:19:11,232
What I would say
is that if you can...
403
00:19:11,232 --> 00:19:12,952
Kitty, is your turn.
404
00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:14,752
SHE SQUEALS
I feel so alive!
405
00:19:14,752 --> 00:19:16,272
I haven't felt this alive since...
406
00:19:16,272 --> 00:19:17,832
Well, since I was alive.
PHONE BUZZES
407
00:19:17,832 --> 00:19:20,392
Ooh, there's more.
There's more, there's more.
408
00:19:20,392 --> 00:19:21,832
Hello, Planning Department?
409
00:19:21,832 --> 00:19:23,752
Yeah! Good one. You're funny.
410
00:19:23,752 --> 00:19:26,272
Ha, yes, very good. Lots of fun.
411
00:19:26,272 --> 00:19:29,752
Erm, I just wanted to apologise
for my earlier outburst.
412
00:19:29,752 --> 00:19:32,032
Oh! Erm...
413
00:19:32,032 --> 00:19:33,152
OK.
414
00:19:33,152 --> 00:19:36,472
Yes, got myself in a bit of a stew
when those chaps turned up.
415
00:19:36,472 --> 00:19:38,432
Storm in a teacup, luckily.
416
00:19:38,432 --> 00:19:41,952
Just have to move a boiler vent,
and they'll be happy as Larry.
417
00:19:41,952 --> 00:19:43,552
Didn't even lose a day's business.
418
00:19:43,552 --> 00:19:45,592
Right, well...
419
00:19:45,592 --> 00:19:47,232
...that's good news. Yes!
420
00:19:47,232 --> 00:19:49,272
Bit of a relief,
because building regs
421
00:19:49,272 --> 00:19:51,872
can be an absolute minefield.
422
00:19:51,872 --> 00:19:53,712
So, yes...
423
00:19:53,712 --> 00:19:56,072
...could have been worse.
424
00:19:56,072 --> 00:19:58,712
Much, much worse.
425
00:20:00,352 --> 00:20:02,712
He's got nothing!
426
00:20:02,712 --> 00:20:04,512
What special bond?!
427
00:20:04,512 --> 00:20:06,152
Well, we talk about chess.
428
00:20:06,152 --> 00:20:08,672
Oh, yeah, as if Mads
is interested in...
429
00:20:08,672 --> 00:20:12,312
Oh! Mads, is it? Mads?
430
00:20:12,312 --> 00:20:15,152
Maybe when you get to know him
a little better,
431
00:20:15,152 --> 00:20:16,632
nicknames will naturally occur.
432
00:20:16,632 --> 00:20:18,432
I think you'll find
that I met him first.
433
00:20:18,432 --> 00:20:19,912
I met him before any of you.
434
00:20:19,912 --> 00:20:23,152
EVERYONE TALKS AT ONCE
435
00:20:34,232 --> 00:20:36,032
Nah. No good.
436
00:20:40,472 --> 00:20:42,312
HE GRUNTS
437
00:20:51,872 --> 00:20:54,112
Perfect!
438
00:20:54,112 --> 00:20:56,472
No, no. No, listen. Dib-dab,
dib-dab, dib-dab,
439
00:20:56,472 --> 00:20:57,952
dib-dab, dib-dab, dab-dib.
440
00:20:57,952 --> 00:20:59,992
Let's settle this once and for all.
441
00:20:59,992 --> 00:21:02,672
Follow me. We'll ask him.
442
00:21:04,512 --> 00:21:05,992
Do it again.
443
00:21:07,952 --> 00:21:09,512
SQUELCHING AND SLAPPING
444
00:21:11,352 --> 00:21:13,992
SHE LAUGHS
It sounds like it's clapping!
445
00:21:13,992 --> 00:21:15,992
EVERYONE TALKS AT ONCE
446
00:21:15,992 --> 00:21:17,312
KITTY SIGHS
447
00:21:17,312 --> 00:21:20,632
There's a very important
question that I need to ask you.
448
00:21:20,632 --> 00:21:22,872
EVERYONE TALKS AT ONCE
449
00:21:22,872 --> 00:21:25,592
Worse than the badgers!
450
00:21:25,592 --> 00:21:28,232
Oh, please be open, please be open.
451
00:21:28,232 --> 00:21:29,872
HE EXHALES
452
00:21:29,872 --> 00:21:31,512
Come on.
453
00:21:37,592 --> 00:21:39,112
Oh! Yeah!
454
00:21:50,872 --> 00:21:53,112
I've got to get out of this.
455
00:21:53,112 --> 00:21:54,792
Erm...
456
00:21:54,792 --> 00:21:56,192
Oh!
457
00:22:01,832 --> 00:22:03,272
RINGING TONE
OK.
458
00:22:04,592 --> 00:22:06,032
OVER PHONE: Hello! Obi!
459
00:22:06,032 --> 00:22:07,632
Obi, it's me. I need help.
460
00:22:07,632 --> 00:22:11,192
Can you hear me? Hello? Nooo!
Mike, are you OK?
461
00:22:11,192 --> 00:22:13,352
No! Mate?
462
00:22:13,352 --> 00:22:14,632
FRANTIC GRUNTING
463
00:22:14,632 --> 00:22:17,152
Oh, my arm! Your arm?!
464
00:22:17,152 --> 00:22:18,712
GRUNTING
465
00:22:18,712 --> 00:22:21,272
Oh, no! Are you having a...?
466
00:22:21,272 --> 00:22:23,392
I told you, it's the fridge baps!
467
00:22:23,392 --> 00:22:26,072
OK, mate, just stay calm.
468
00:22:26,072 --> 00:22:28,632
Just stay calm. Help is on the w...
469
00:22:28,632 --> 00:22:31,272
LINE DISCONNECTS
Oh, no!
470
00:22:31,272 --> 00:22:34,272
Obi! Obi, help!
471
00:22:36,192 --> 00:22:37,832
Missed a bit.
472
00:22:37,832 --> 00:22:39,192
You...
473
00:22:40,312 --> 00:22:41,512
What the...?
474
00:22:43,432 --> 00:22:47,472
EVERYONE TALKS AT ONCE
475
00:22:47,472 --> 00:22:49,232
That's enough!
GHOSTS FALL SILENT
476
00:22:49,232 --> 00:22:50,872
That's enough!
477
00:22:50,872 --> 00:22:54,032
THOMAS: Then answer the question,
damn your eyes! Yeah!
478
00:22:54,032 --> 00:22:55,832
Come on, who's your best friend...
479
00:22:55,832 --> 00:22:57,392
...mate?
480
00:22:57,392 --> 00:23:00,712
Well, if you really
want to know...
481
00:23:00,712 --> 00:23:02,912
ALL: Yes!
482
00:23:02,912 --> 00:23:04,392
...none of you.
483
00:23:05,392 --> 00:23:08,072
Hmm?
484
00:23:08,072 --> 00:23:11,792
Mike? When you get this, come to the
Gatehouse. Something's up.
485
00:23:14,672 --> 00:23:17,312
Excuse me, what are you...?
Annabel!
486
00:23:17,312 --> 00:23:18,672
Here we go.
487
00:23:18,672 --> 00:23:20,992
Let's see what you got.
There you are!
488
00:23:20,992 --> 00:23:23,032
I was just walking the dogs
489
00:23:23,032 --> 00:23:26,512
when I spotted something
rather concerning
490
00:23:26,512 --> 00:23:29,672
in the rubble pile
from your recent renovations.
491
00:23:31,152 --> 00:23:32,432
Hmph!
492
00:23:35,392 --> 00:23:37,392
Thought I'd better phone it in.
493
00:23:37,392 --> 00:23:40,352
You know, concerned local resident.
494
00:23:40,352 --> 00:23:42,432
Yep, it's asbestos all right. What?!
495
00:23:42,432 --> 00:23:44,432
Ohhh, he's good!
496
00:23:44,432 --> 00:23:46,752
You'll have to shut this place
down for the foreseeable,
497
00:23:46,752 --> 00:23:48,552
get it surveyed, cleared,
certified safe.
498
00:23:48,552 --> 00:23:49,872
No, wait, wait, wait, wait.
499
00:23:49,872 --> 00:23:51,192
That wasn't there before.
500
00:23:51,192 --> 00:23:53,232
It... He planted it!
501
00:23:53,232 --> 00:23:54,552
Annabel!
502
00:23:54,552 --> 00:23:55,672
Alison!
503
00:23:55,672 --> 00:23:59,832
That is a very serious accusation,
and I can assure you...
504
00:23:59,832 --> 00:24:02,352
Judo! Use his move against him.
505
00:24:02,352 --> 00:24:05,752
If he brought that asbestos here,
where did he get it from? Hmm?
506
00:24:05,752 --> 00:24:07,112
Ask him that. Go, go, go!
507
00:24:07,112 --> 00:24:09,912
...let alone a dear friend
and neighbour!
508
00:24:09,912 --> 00:24:12,552
Well... OK, I tell you what,
509
00:24:12,552 --> 00:24:14,992
why don't you search
the buildings on his estate
510
00:24:14,992 --> 00:24:17,672
and see if any of them are
missing a couple of roof tiles?
511
00:24:17,672 --> 00:24:20,672
Well, now...
HE STAMMERS
512
00:24:20,672 --> 00:24:24,472
I-I-I-I think these good people
are busy enough without, erm...
513
00:24:24,472 --> 00:24:26,432
Because, Barclay,
that would be fly-tipping
514
00:24:26,432 --> 00:24:27,752
of a dangerous substance,
515
00:24:27,752 --> 00:24:30,512
which I think you'll find
is against the law!
516
00:24:30,512 --> 00:24:33,552
I think you will find that.
SIREN APPROACHES
517
00:24:33,552 --> 00:24:39,152
Wow! Erm, actually, that-that does
look a bit familiar.
518
00:24:39,152 --> 00:24:41,792
No idea how it got here, but I'll
gladly pay for removal.
519
00:24:41,792 --> 00:24:44,272
Let's just forget all this. Yes.
520
00:24:44,272 --> 00:24:47,832
You know, er, I'm actually getting
out of the accommodation game,
521
00:24:47,832 --> 00:24:50,432
so no need to, erm...
522
00:24:50,432 --> 00:24:51,872
JULIAN: Bye!
523
00:24:51,872 --> 00:24:53,352
JULIAN CHUCKLES
524
00:24:57,112 --> 00:24:59,712
Mike Cooper? Yeah!
525
00:25:02,592 --> 00:25:04,152
I'm OK.
526
00:25:04,152 --> 00:25:05,912
What is going on?
527
00:25:05,912 --> 00:25:08,152
Oh, I don't know any more.
528
00:25:10,832 --> 00:25:15,272
I just find you all profoundly,
profoundly annoying.
529
00:25:15,272 --> 00:25:18,192
Why do you need
another friend? Hmm?
530
00:25:18,192 --> 00:25:22,512
I mean, look at you, stuck in that
house with each other all this time.
531
00:25:22,512 --> 00:25:25,912
And yet here you all are,
out here, together.
532
00:25:25,912 --> 00:25:29,152
How are you not sick
of the sight of each other?
533
00:25:29,152 --> 00:25:30,792
Well, we are.
534
00:25:30,792 --> 00:25:32,792
ALL AGREE
Give over!
535
00:25:32,792 --> 00:25:34,072
If I were any of you,
536
00:25:34,072 --> 00:25:37,392
I'd have been off living on me
own in the woods years ago.
537
00:25:37,392 --> 00:25:40,392
I mean, I dunno what you call it,
this, but, face it...
538
00:25:41,712 --> 00:25:43,312
...you'd all be lost without it.
539
00:25:46,272 --> 00:25:48,672
He might have a point, y'know. Yeah.
540
00:25:48,672 --> 00:25:52,352
Well, we may not be each
other's perfect cup of tea...
541
00:25:52,352 --> 00:25:53,792
ALL CHUCKLE
542
00:25:53,792 --> 00:25:56,192
...but when the chips
are down, we really have to...
543
00:25:56,192 --> 00:25:58,912
Oh! He... He go! Whoo!
544
00:25:58,912 --> 00:26:01,632
Huh? Where?
545
00:26:01,632 --> 00:26:03,512
Oh...
546
00:26:03,512 --> 00:26:05,872
He's gone to be
with the rest of his foot.
547
00:26:05,872 --> 00:26:08,552
And so it goes. Can't be helped.
What a shame.
548
00:26:08,552 --> 00:26:10,072
Now, er, what was I saying?
549
00:26:10,072 --> 00:26:12,032
Some old guff about
a perfect cup of tea.
550
00:26:12,032 --> 00:26:14,232
EVERYONE TALKS AT ONCE
551
00:26:16,032 --> 00:26:19,312
PAT: Oh, aye,
Little Miss Grumpy-Pants?
552
00:26:23,112 --> 00:26:24,432
Told you.
553
00:26:25,832 --> 00:26:28,192
Aye. They are a lot.
554
00:26:29,952 --> 00:26:32,752
Well... I'll see you Tuesday.
555
00:26:32,752 --> 00:26:35,312
Yeah, yeah, Tuesday. Tuesday, aye.
556
00:26:35,312 --> 00:26:38,272
ROBIN WHISTLES HAPPILY
557
00:26:39,912 --> 00:26:42,072
And, dooka-dooka!
558
00:26:42,072 --> 00:26:43,832
Barclay had to learn the hard way
559
00:26:43,832 --> 00:26:46,792
that you cannot outplay
a grandmaster.
560
00:26:48,392 --> 00:26:49,752
Checkmate.
561
00:26:49,752 --> 00:26:51,272
Oh, damn and blast!
562
00:26:51,272 --> 00:26:53,432
MIKE AND ALISON LAUGH
563
00:26:55,592 --> 00:26:59,192
Ready? Go, go, go.
564
00:26:59,192 --> 00:27:02,232
Oh, my God, we should have
bought these ages ago.
565
00:27:02,232 --> 00:27:04,992
Yeah. Wait, so, to get out of it,
do you just, like...?
566
00:27:04,992 --> 00:27:06,592
Erm...
CLASPS FALLS
567
00:27:06,592 --> 00:27:07,912
Oh, no. No, yeah, that happens.
568
00:27:07,912 --> 00:27:09,032
You've just got to be
569
00:27:09,032 --> 00:27:11,072
gentle with the cla...
CLASPS FALLS
570
00:27:11,072 --> 00:27:13,232
Oh, no.
571
00:27:13,232 --> 00:27:14,832
BOTH: Oh, no.
38540
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