Original subtitles

[ Grunts ]

Okay, that's the last of it.

Let's get out of here.

Wait. Hubert's lab.

Oh, shit.

[ Buttons beep ]

[ Buzzer ]

What? Wh--

[ Buttons beep, buzzer ]

It's not working.

[ Buttons beep ]

[ Clanking, radio chatter in distance ]

Shit.

♪

[ Locusts buzzing ]

♪

[ Sighs ] I'm getting too old for this shit.

♪

Darren, why is it I always find myself

in some dank Godforsaken corner of the colony with you?

That's a great question.

Did you know my daughter plays youth soccer?

She does. And today my wife told me

that if I didn't show up for the game

we'd have to discuss a trial separation.

I'm not at the game, Darren.

I'm here-- with you--

in this disgusting fucking basement,

trying to figure out how a literal plague of locusts

happened to blow up the entire colony

just days before Marsiversary,

the most important moment of this year.

My most important moment of this year.

Uh, sir, excuse me, you're gonna want to take a look at this.

[ Grunts ]

Quick. They're coming.

I'm going as fast as I can.

What is this, a food pantry?

Wh-- what are we looking at here?

Security Guard: I'll tell you what the fuck you're looking at.

[ Sniffs ] That's enough potassium nitrate

to wipe this whole colony off the map.

Terrorists, great.

I-I-I don't know if we need to use the "T" word, Brandon.

No one can know about this.

Cover it up,

find out who's responsible,

and get rid of 'em-- now.

This place is a fucking rat's nest

of corporate malfeasance, okay?

Fuckin' conspiracies.

Conspiracies.

I got two words for ya-- Steve Case.

Yeah. He knows.

Give him a call.

I'll call him right now.

They reel ya up here, promise you the world,

then take it all away till you're nothing.

Sorry. Don't look at me.

I didn't do it.

Please stand by for a "Mars.ly News" special report.

Hey, turn it up.

Hey, team. As you may have noticed,

we had some unexpected visitors in our little colony last night.

Well, the good news is there's nothing to be worried about.

These critters were part of Mars.ly's

experimental food program,

and a recent initiative to ramp up

fertility levels was, well, a little too successful.

But thanks to some major hustle from our essential workers

who are truly... Jesus Christ.

Welcome to planet bullshit.

Signs of intelligent life-- zero.

These yuppie fucks have no idea what they're dealing with.

What is it this time, Sully?

Are the bugs terrorists?

Fucking "A" right they are.

You're looking at a cover-up, Jack.

They think we're idiots.

Well, they're about to get a big fucking surprise.

Alright, well, give 'em hell, Sully.

Yeah, go get 'em, man.

What are they again, alien bug terrorists?

Kyle. It's okay, babe.

Hey bartender, another beer here for my buddy Kyle.

This one spilled.

What are you talking ab-- hey!

What the hell, man?

[ Chuckles ]

♪

Di Wei: Password?

Turtledove.

No, no, Abbas. Incorrect.

If you know it's me, why do I need a password?

Security.

Someone's coming. Let me in.

Okay. Give me the password then.

I forgot. Then I cannot let you in.

I am the current head of Buckys.

I make the passwords.

So make a new password.

Hello.

Okay. "I love you. One, two, three."

That's the new password.

Let me in.

Password please?

I love you.

[ Groans ] I love you. One, two, three.

[ Clicks tongue ] Bad memory.

That's a very bad memory, Abbas.

Idiot.

We are being hunted.

They think we are terrorists

because of that stupid meat-curing powder.

Wait, where is Jeff?

Yes, where is Jeff?

I'm not usually one to cast blame

but the boy released the locusts and then he disappears?

Curious.

Jeff is very very bad man.

Look, Jeff is an idiot, okay?

And I am extremely angry with him.

But this was just an accident.

The fellow made a huge mistake.

The least he can do is correct it.

Yet the coward hides.

This is fucked. We're fucked.

All those years of work just to rot

in this corporate fucking Death Star.

We are flying into hell on this Death Star.

Will you shut up, please?

Martin and I destroyed all the evidence

we could last night.

However, we were unable to collect

a certain someone's meticulously labeled archive of DNA samples,

because someone changed the password.

Hm. Unfortunate indeed.

Well, given the urgency of the situation

I would be willing to share the new password

with lean, young Martin so that he may collect it with haste.

What is it with you people and your passwords?

Hubert, this is your fault.

You fix it.

And where the hell is Jeff?!

[ Sighs ] Everything okay there, "J" man?

Uh, yeah, no, just got a lot on my mind

and, you know, maybe we should--

I think we should push this,

because it seems like Tee's

probably not going to show, and...

♪

We gonna get started on this shit or what?

Uh, hey, Tee.

Yeah, so, uh, why don't we just jump right in?

I took everyone's notes into account

and here's the new direction.

[ Monitor beeps ]

I call this one "The Architect."

[ Monitor beeps ] This one is "Baby Talk."

And, uh... [ Monitor beeps ]

...Apex.

It's really--

when you break it down,

it's about, uh, the sense of exploration, innovation,

a physical but also psychological frontier.

It's really-- Stop.

♪

No notes. It's stunning.

I mean, look at that fractal.

It's a masterpiece, Jeff.

Uh, well, actually, a-a lot of what you're looking at,

those are Tee's ideas, so I really can't take credit.

Nah, don't listen to him.

He's lying.

Shit's all Jeff.

Fucking Fibonacci up in here.

Jeff, this is a challenging moment for the company.

Liz: People are asking questions.

And who can blame them?

The locusts, the missing equipment,

the weird fucking secret club in the basement.

There are subversive elements threatening our core business.

Hey, someone in this room right now

could be a subversive element.

Brandon: That's exactly right, Ted.

The shareholders are counting on us.

Not to mention Falco.

[ Scoffs ] The world is watching.

And we need the messaging to be perfect.

"30 years of adventure."

"30 years of wonder."

Hmm.

"30 years of memories."

"30 years of shit."

[ Chuckles ]

Not the language I would've chosen,

but, uh, he's got a point.

We need some fresh lines.

Uh, I'm more of a conceptual guy,

not exactly a writer per se,

but maybe this is something that I should talk to Midori about?

Um, yeah.

Sure, Jeff. She's out there somewhere.

Yeah, while we're at it maybe I can track down Amelia Earhart.

[ Laughter ]

Thanks a lot, Jeff.

Really glad to be working with you on this.

[ Door closes ]

♪

[ Locust chirps ] God damn it.

"From the sky they descended with an insatiable hunger..." Hey.

"...devouring everything before them."

Get the hell out of my office.

Happened to catch your little news segment.

Experimental food program, huh?

Too bad I'm allergic to bullshit.

What do you got, shit in your ears?

Get out-- now.

You don't remember me, do you?

Trevor Sullivan--

Senior Mechanic, Applied Robotic Technology.

That is until you assholes gutted it and sold it for scrap

just like everything else that used to matter around here.

Congratulations. Now get the fuck out of my office.

I believe there's a sleeper cell of terrorists

festering in our midst.

And this bug bullshit is a warning shot.

Might be the only warning shot we get.

Okay, smart guy, even if that were true,

which it is not, what the fuck would you do about it?

[ Locust buzzes ]

Poof.

♪

Yeah, what? Uh, biohazard sweep, my boy.

Say what? Yep, we'll do our best to find the queen

then we can analyze her for harmful pathogens.

Hey. Let's hope it's not Bubulum Stercus.

A few snuffs of that,

and you might find yourself incapable of breathing.

Listen, man, I ain't got time for this.

That is, of course, if your bowels haven't

already filled with blood. Hey, hey, hey.

Alright, alright, alright, alright.

That's enough. Go on. Get.

♪

[ Knock on door ]

Who is it? Jeff.

Go away.

Crystal, come on. I need to talk.

Please let me in.

Crystal.

There is nothing to talk about.

Leave.

Let me in.

♪

Sorry for missing the meeting. I wanted to--

Do you understand how serious this is?

I'm sorry. I've got a lot going on,

and I've been doing the best that I poss--

They think we're terrorists.

And because of your mistake, the mission is over.

It's all over.

I mean, I know you were really looking forward

to getting out there.

This wasn't some fucking holiday, Jeff.

This was our lives.

Okay, well, I care about you way more than this other stuff.

Maybe we can all just take a beat, regroup.

I mean, hey, summer, it's right around the corner.

The seasons are cha-- well, the seasons aren't changing,

but movie night's coming back.

What are you talking about?

You know, it's funny,

I keep defending you to the Buckys,

and you keep defending Mars.ly.

You don't understand, okay?

Things are-- they're complicated for me right now,

things that you should know about.

No, I understand perfectly well.

You never cared about the mission.

You only cared about yourself.

Oh, up in your ivory tower

everything is so black and white.

Hey, I'm sorry I ruined your chances of going out

in the middle of fucking nowhere to choke down grasshoppers

and wait for the oxygen to run out.

[ Chuckling ] God. I was so stupid.

I should've listened to everyone.

Then none of this would've happened.

♪

Listen, Jeff, this was a mistake.

A big one.

If somehow we're all lucky enough to survive this,

I want you to know

that you should never, ever speak to me again.

And don't kid yourself.

If we get caught, they're not gonna spare you

just 'cause you're a corporate dipshit graphic designer.

♪

[ Sighs ] Ah, Jesus.

[ Indistinct conversations in distance ]

How you doing, asshole?

Sorry, I guess it's Sergeant Asshole now.

Well, look who it is. Guy who's robot dog

humped his leg so hard he walks with a limp.

Hey, they find you a new job,

or are you still looking for bigfoot?

Funny you should ask.

I actually did get a job-- yours.

I'm taking over this investigation

starting right fuckin' now.

Yeah, yeah, I got to talk to Darren about this.

Yeah, while you're at it, tell him

I said this crime scene's a fucking disaster.

Looks like we got our work cut out for us, ladies.

Alright, gather around.

Why don't you start by taking me through--

why don't you start-- fuck.

Hey, Hardy Boy number one, go get me a scotch.

It's gonna be a long fuckin' day.

[ Wind gusting ]

♪

[ Keys jingle, lock clicks ]

[ Footsteps approaching ]

Wha-- wh-- wh-- wh-- oh, my God.

Wh-- what's going on here?

What's going on is, we've got a problem.

We know what you've been up to.

Smokey, find this little bitch a pair of pants.

We going for a walk.

[ Radio chatter in distance ]

♪

[ Buttons beeping, refrigerator unlocks ]

♪

Ah, bonjour, petit poisson.

♪

[ Gasps ] Excuse me, good sir.

Whoa, ho-ho.

What do you got there?

Oh, this.

Just, some industrial detritus.

Odds and ends. Bric-a-brac.

Why don't you hand it over, let me have a look-see?

If it's all the same to you,

I'll be taking it to evidence, bagged and tagged.

You know the protocol. Give it to me-- now.

Good sir, you've caught me.

I stumbled upon this tin of conservas,

and the gastronome in me took over.

Take your snack, and get the fuck out of here.

Au revoir, inspector.

♪

Yo, homie!

Hey, fat man! Come back here!

[ Elevator bell dings ]

Love the pretzels here.

I-It's good to see behind the scenes, you know,

where the magic happens.

Yo, what?

Shut your pretzel ass up, bitch.

♪

"For if God did not spare angels when they sinned

but sent them to hell,

put them in chains of darkness to be held for judgment."

♪

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Jeff: Centauri House.

Ah, you must be the famous Jeff.

Finally we meet.

Let's get you set up with a puro.

♪

Excellent choice.

A graphic designer with a taste for cigars--

quite the combination.

♪

Your eyes will adjust. Take it from me--

the more you look, the more you see, hm?

How about something to drink?

Tell me, Jeff, do you like mojitos?

[ Panting ]

I just want to talk to you.

Hey, I just want to talk.

♪

[ Locust buzzing ]

♪

Nero: Do you know what the Centauri symbolizes, Jeff?

Power. Virility. Brotherhood.

You are part of that brotherhood now.

Let me explain. There are two Mars.ly's.

Down there and up here.

You are now up here.

And that comes with certain privileges.

Let me tell you a story about Miami.

The restaurants, the women, the condos...

♪

[ Cellphone ringing ] Jeff. Jeff.

Jeff, the phone is ringing.

♪

[ Cellphone chimes ]

Whoa. Jeff. Where are you?

Uh, Centauri House, actually.

Wow. Big time, huh? [ Chuckles ]

Been hearing your name a lot down here.

Really impressive stuff, Jeff.

Uh, well, thanks.

Well, I-I was just calling,

uh, to tell you...

I'm coming up.

Y-You're what?

Yeah, they offered me a big promotion,

and, anyway, I-- I just thought it was time.

So I guess I will see you soon.

Maybe you can buy me a drink when I'm up there.

Yeah, maybe I--

Hey, Jefé can't talk right now.

Oh, what?

Psh. Later hottie.

W-W-What'd she say?

Your girl says to give you a big, fat kiss.

Niños, niños, calmate, calmate.

The show is about to begin.

Uh-oh.

♪

Come out, come out, wherever you are.

Sir, sir, I'm not sure why you were chasing me,

but I assure you there's nothing untoward occurring.

In fact, I have my papers right here.

[ Screams ]

♪

[ Both grunting ]

♪

[ Panting ]

What's your name?

♪

[ Panting ] [ Growls ]

You don't have to do this.

A man's fate is not predestined.

I'm not Cotton Mather here.

You ever bang in zero "G"?

I'll get you and Bella access to the drop room.

But first, you gotta talk to the boss.

♪

[ Grunts ]

[ Screams ]

[ Thud in distance ] It had to be done.

♪

Fibonacci.

In the house.

Hey, man.

Come over here so I can see that face.

Bro, you're looking bellissimo.

I mean that. This place is treating you well.

Yeah... tonight's been really... crazy.

I'm still thinking about that presentation of yours.

You got the goods, man.

Art. It's important.

Not everyone gets that.

Dace and Smokey, they're good guys,

but they're not exactly on the level

as far as all that goes.

Not like us.

Well, thanks, I mean, you have great instincts

with that stuff, too.

What do you think about this room?

I designed it.

It's cool man.

I-I love the design.

I knew you would. Fuck.

I wish we could just do art all the time.

Me... too.

Listen, that's kinda what I wanted to talk to you about.

Okay.

There's some new shit on the horizon.

Big plans percolatin'.

Centauri's a good start, but come on.

Guys like us?

We deserve more.

Totally.

I'm gonna need some help fixing everything Dad fucked up.

I'm talking amenities,

bowling alleys, indoor driving ranges,

windows that actually block out the radiation

unlike this weak-ass shit.

But really, though?

We should be walking around outside with no helmets on,

breathing Mars air, looking up at some vertical gardens,

eating some fresh sushi,

checking out the Turrell installation.

Too bad that'll take like a-a thousand years.

Eh, well, not if there was to be a little, uh,

how do you say, "nuclear event"?

One nuke for the north pole, one for the south.

[ Chuckles ] Yeah, but--

no, uh, but wouldn't that-- that'd kill everyone.

Everyone who's not in the secret nuclear bunker.

Drink? You know, I've had a couple

of really strong mojitos so, actually--

[ Chuckles ] I know, I know. It sounds crazy.

But that's why it'd have to be an accident.

I'm not sayin' it's gonna happen,

it's just, like, well-behaved men rarely make history.

But either way, bro, I want you in on all of this.

I need my Fibo-nach to help me architect

the shit out of this bitch.

Uh... [ Door opens ]

And if the nukes do come?

Damn sure there's a spot in the bunker for Fibo-nach.

And I think we can find room for the lovely Ms. Bella, too.

I was watching your moves out there.

Good stuff.

Yeah, she's a fun ride. Freaky.

Definitely knows what she's doing.

Whew!

It's that time of night.

Googoo gaga, bitch.

[ Elevator bell dings ]

♪

Yo, put that shit out.

It's the baby.

He's lonely. Someone should go in there.

Jeff, you do it.

[ Door beeps, unlocks ]

♪

[ Hubert grunts ]

Oh, my God, Hubert.

They're coming for us.

They're coming for us all.

♪

[ Coos lightly ]

♪

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