Original subtitles

You all right?

Yeah.

Now I feel...

Restive.

Mm.

I'm not exactly sure what that means.

Ill at ease.

Oh.

Yeah, me too.

Well, we could drive into town in the morning

and just get out of the house.

Maybe pick some stuff up for Michael and Liz.

What do you need for Michael and Liz?

It's the 4th of July, Michael's gonna want beer.

So, we should at least have chips.

We'll be lucky if he doesn't bring blow.

You think Michael's gonna bring cocaine?

No.

Definitely not.

I don't know.

I just wanna say.

I'm sorry if I snapped at you.

It's fine.

Do you wanna fuck me?

Yeah.

How would you fuck me right now?

Uh.

I'd kiss your neck.

And then, I'd feel you, over your panties.

Softly.

Tell me.

Well, when I felt that you were really, really ready

I'd flip you over and I'd slide your panties down.

And I'd put one finger in you.

And then I'd kiss you.

Kiss me where?

Your pussy.

Close, but not it.

Come on.

For the sake of your fantasy, okay.

Tell me about it.

I lick your butt hole while fingering your pussy.

Good boy.

And then I'll spank your ass.

Ouch.

Then I fuck you.

Hard.

Not yet.

Maybe I just don't know what you want.

I want you to take your time and have fun.

This isn't very fun for me.

What's wrong?

This actually sucks.

Hey.

Don't do that.

Don't do that in here.

Get out!

Get outta here.

Come on.

Fucking sick fuck.

Hey.

Hey!

Whoa.

Cooper!

Cooper?

Coop man?

Cooper.

Cooper?

Are you feeling any better?

Michael, Michael, look.

We're doing this digital detox thing up here, okay?

And not doing a huge amount of blow

kind of counts as a detox, right?

Dude, I'm not-

I'm not mad at you, okay?

Look, don't tell Liz this, please,

but V had a panic attack at work.

You know, her students are super low income

and she just wants to help them so badly.

But it got...

It got pretty messy and she scared

these kids and she can't go back there, so.

Yeah.

Oof!

Look at that sexy body.

How was your run?

Fine.

This.

This is how a tomato is supposed to look.

Hm.

I'm gonna make a salad.

Okay, so there's this guy.

There's...

There's two guys, okay.

These old widowers, right?

And they're sitting on their porch

and they're drinking whiskey and this dog comes over

and starts licking its balls.

And one of the guys says to his friend, "oof."

"Man, I wish I could do that."

And the other guy, the old widower,

he's kinda sitting there, you know, nodding,

drinking his whiskey.

He thinks about it for a second and says to his friend,

"you ain't afraid of him biting ya?"

That's a good joke.

I just remembered it.

All right, I'm gonna make a salad.

An account of personal ads from Berlin in 1914.

An unmarried, 39 year old woman, Freida Kleim

responded to a personal ad from Adolf Mertens.

In her personal papers they found scraps of paper

with her hand written notes.

"Adolf Mertens."

"I want Adolf Mertens to marry me."

"Adolf Mertens, you will soon marry me."

That's pathetic.

Imagine marrying someone named Adolf Mertens.

His real name was Paul Kuhnt.

He was married with five children.

He murdered her in the woods outside of Berlin.

Damn.

Paul Kuhnt.

And then he went to her house

and stole her silverware.

I look smart.

You are smart.

And sexy.

You're so sexy that I'd fuck that goofy-ass drawing of you.

Hey, I'm probably gonna finish this salad.

Are you sure you don't want any?

I'm fine, thank you.

What's the matter?

Victoria, you're not hungry or something?

This salad I made, it's outta this world!

We got arugula, some beans and radichio.

Oh man, come on, Victoria,

you breaking-a-my-heart, come on.

Are you still thinking about school?

Yeah.

Do you remember how you felt this time last year?

You didn't want to be teaching first grade anymore.

Second grade.

Look, you're doing what you want, right?

And that's a good thing.

I mean plus, you're working for this education company now

so you're gonna be helping so many more people.

I mean, that's why they're paying you more.

I don't want you to feel bad, okay?

I mean, you deserve good things.

You know that.

Victoria!

Close.

Victoria!

But not it.

Victoria.

Are you ready?

Not smoking, drinking, having sex.

Masturbating, using my phone, or the Internet.

For two weeks, it's been more challenging than I thought.

I'm happy to do it, I think.

I think it's good for me.

I'm not happy to do it.

It's not really...

Simplify.

Well, when I can't ignore the absence of these things,

I see how big they were in my life.

Like, how much of my life was these things.

The fabric of my life.

A big, dirty rag.

But it's the past and I'll never get it back.

The delivery game.

This has been the worst month of my life.

More.

I feel like...

I'm sorry.

No apologies.

My whole life I focused on being a good person.

To spread that into the world.

It's been me.

What I mean when I say, "I."

More.

Now when I say, "I," I feel empty.

And in that emptiness the crash between who I was

and how people see me.

I feel nauseous, dizzy.

Like I never knew myself.

And there's no goodness left to lose.

The delivery game.

I couldn't do this with anybody except for you.

More.

That's it.

Not this, right now, I mean like, my whole life.

I love you.

The delivery game.

When you talk about your love, I go numb.

If I can't apologize then I can only ask you to forgive me.

I don't know what else to say.

I think, can we just slow down?

I...

I think we need to think, like, are...

Are we, do you...

Do you really mean what you're saying right now

or you just trying to drop like a fucking nuclear bomb

just to win this game?

To win?

Whoa.

What the fuck?

Oh my god, Jonathan.

Whoa.

Jonathan!

Jonathan.

Stay back, stay back!

Do something.

Whoa.

One more step and you're dead!

Hey, get the fuck out!

Get the fuck outta the house!

Whoa, yo! - Please leave.

Whoa, get the fuck out!

I'll crack your fuckin' head open!

Don't.

Get back!

Bitch, you have three seconds

to get the fuck out of this house.

Jonathan, don't!

One.

Two.

Jonathan. - Don't make me say three.

Three.

Jonathan!

Jesus, fuck. Jesus!

Get outta here!

Get out!

Go.

Sorry.

Get the fuck outta here!

Get outta here!

Get the fuck out.

Get out!

There's food in the woods!

You threatened to kill him?

Yeah, I did.

You didn't have to call him a bitch.

Who cares?

He might be dead.

Jesus.

Point it at him.

He's breathing.

You think he's good here?

I don't think so.

Well?

Food.

Food.

Food.

Shit, okay.

All right.

Come on.

Ugh!

Damn.

What?

I bet he would have really liked that salad.

Jesus Christ.

I hope he likes beans.

All right, food.

Food, we've got food, beans.

Give me your hand.

All right, you got it?

Well?

Does he have an ID or something?

I don't know, check.

Just this.

His shorts are patagonia.

Or pata-Gucci.

A gentleman wanderer.

So you wanna let him sleep it off or what?

In the cabin?

Our deposit?

We didn't rent the cabin.

Well, I wanted to leave him outside.

Ah, okay, all right.

Come on, let's go.

Oh, fuck.

Jesus.

Hey, um.

I'm sorry that I called that guy a bitch.

I have to do whatever it takes to protect you.

You get that, right?

I do.

I'm not dead.

Oh, okay. Here we go.

Whoa, close enough, brother.

All right, stop.

Hey, I don't want any trouble.

Just stop there.

I'm stopped, okay?

I'm stopped.

I'm fuckin' lost.

I just wanna use your phone, okay?

We don't have phones here.

I can get your shoes so you can get outta here.

You don't have...

You don't have phones?

No, we're doing a digital detox, okay.

We don't have phones.

Jonathan.

I'm fucked.

Jonathan.

It's all right, okay.

Look, buddy, just meet me out front.

I'll get your shoes, okay. Come on.

Are you okay?

I'm fucked!

He's fine.

Where is Cooper?

There's a shower outside.

I can bring you a towel.

Thank you.

Do you have an extra shirt?

Define extra.

He's half naked.

Well, I only brought my favorite shirts here.

You don't have a least favorite, favorite shirt?

I do, but, that shirt's in Los Angeles.

What about this one?

Don't.

Something for you.

Thanks.

Thank you.

What's that?

The London review of books.

You a professor or something?

I'm a teacher.

First grade.

Teaching isn't even the right word for it.

It's beyond that.

It's allowing something to grow, to bloom.

And your touch, it leaves an imprint

for the rest of their life.

I got a kid.

You have a child?

She's one.

One?

Nine months.

Bowser.

Excuse me?

We used to call her bowser.

You know, like from Mario?

When she came out her hair was spiked up just like bowser.

And you left her with mom to go camping with Cooper?

Grandparents.

Oh.

My girlfriend passed.

I'm so sorry.

What do you want me to say?

Her family, they hate me.

They won't let me in.

Where's your girl?

Ojai.

Okay.

If you want, we could take you there.

Thank you.

Can I ask how?

She was beautiful.

Gorgeous.

Smart, you know.

She loved helping animals.

She was just about to graduate.

Vet school.

High school.

We don't smoke here.

You want me to put it out?

Nah.

Is something on your mind?

Actually, I'd fuck a monkey for a lungbuster right now.

So these two old guys.

They're sitting on a porch,

these old widowers, and they're drinking whiskey

and just hanging out.

Is this a joke?

Yeah.

And um, this mangy old dog comes over

and starts licking its balls.

And one of the widowers says to his friend,

"man, I wish I could do that."

And the other guy, the old widower,

kinda drinks his whiskey for a second,

thinks about it, and says to his friend,

"you ain't afraid of him biting ya?"

He wanted to lick the dogs nuts?

Yeah, that's the joke, man.

That's disgusting.

That's fucked up.

You know, this morning.

I kinda thought you were a little, you know.

I guess not.

You like that shirt?

Yeah.

Well, when you get home I'd like it

if you would send it back to me.

Yeah, sure.

What do you do?

What's it matter what I do?

All right.

I race motorcycles.

Okay.

That's fuckin' legit.

Yeah.

Is that dangerous.

Kinda.

You ever crash?

Hey.

What do ya do when you take a hippie's skirt off?

What?

You take her jeans off too.

Ha, ha.

Hey man.

I talked to your girl out back

and I just want you to know that

I'm really thankful for what you guys are gonna do for me.

This ride to Ojai is gonna change my life.

What?

I've been fucked up for so long.

Jonathan, can I see you for a minute?

Yeah.

Thanks, man.

Jonathan, I need you to help me.

Did I miss something?

What did you tell him out there?

I'm sorry, I made a huge mistake.

Did you tell him that we were gonna drive him to Ojai?

Why? Why would you do that?

I'm sorry, I thought I was doing

the right thing but I was wrong.

What do you want me to do?

I just wish he never came here.

Am I a terrible person?

No, no.

I am.

You're not.

He is.

Look, we'll just drop him off

at a gas station, we'll give him 20 bucks

and we'll drive off, okay?

Okay?

Okay.

V.

V are you all right?

What are you? Victoria!

V, v, what's wrong?

I'm fine.

Calm down.

I'm fine.

What do you need?

My purse.

Get my purse.

Are you?

Are you okay?

Everybody please, just please.

Please.

Back up.

What do you need, I'll get it.

Are you okay?

You okay?

I'm fine.

It's just my chest.

It wasn't a big one.

Okay, we need to go, okay?

Okay.

All right, come on.

Is she all right?

Are you sure you're all right?

I'm fine.

It wasn't a big one.

You're sure?

Yeah.

Okay.

Let's go.

My purse.

I'll get it.

What are you doing?

Please.

Wait!

Wait! Wait!

Fuck!

Maybe they're not coming.

No, they said they were 1,000% coming.

And he said he really respects our whole no cellphone thing.

Like, if I say I'm gonna do something,

I'm gonna do it like 1998.

I think, are they starting?

I don't think so.

It's a fascist holiday, anyway.

You know I love you, right?

Of course.

I used to carry things around.

Negative thoughts and stuff I hated.

I used to just feel like shit.

But then I just decided to not think about it.

I think it's important to enjoy your life.

You get what I'm saying, right?

Delivery game.

When you say you love me, I can't speak.

To reply is like pouring the contents

of an empty bottle into another emptier bottle.

I know who I am.

And that thing is a void.

Whatever you think is in me, I know it's not there.

It's a hole with no bottom.

The more you pour into me, the more you lose.

You have to stop.

The delivery game.

You're punishing yourself, but you're also punishing me.

I've done a lot of things that I didn't wanna do

or even understand, for you.

I miss my life, I miss my friends.

I miss having fun.

I miss you.

And you're not empty, you're not alone.

You're just reading about murders on vacation.

It just makes you feel like shit.

People belong to each other.

That's what fills us up.

We belong to each other.

And if you have me and I have you,

what else do we even need?

If this isn't true, don't let me deliver.

Jonathan.

Is there still coffee?

Yeah.

Okay, so there's this guy.

There's... there's two guys, okay?

These old widowers, right?

And um, they're sitting on the porch...

You didn't wanna be teaching first grade anymore.

I mean, plus, you're working

for this big education company now

and you're gonna be helping so many more people.

I mean, that's why they're paying you more.

You deserve good things.

There's nothing to feel bad about.

Oo, look at that sexy bod!

How was your run?

Fine.

Hey, v.

Check out this thing I'm working on.

♪ Victoria ♪

♪ the only owner ♪

♪ of my heart ♪

♪ suddenly ♪

♪ no one and nothing ♪

♪ keeping you ♪

♪ and me apart ♪

♪ slowly ♪

What's wrong?

I'm just feeling very susceptible.

I'm sorry.

It's embarrassing.

You have a leaf in your hair.

Are you okay?

Thank you.

I'm gonna shower.

Hey, v?

How are ya feeling?

I'm in the shower.

How do you feel about this?

Oh my god.

Will you marry me?

Oh my god.

I'm coming in.

Mm!

Jonathan.

Oh, it's cold!

Ha, mm!

I gotta get dressed.

No, no, no.

That's not the moment.

This is the moment.

Sit tight over here, come on.

I'll be right back.

All right, here we go!

Are you ready?

All right.

Oo!

Woo!

Oh cups, fuck.

My phone's all wet.

All right, here we go, here we go.

Can you hold that for a sec?

And hold mine, thanks.

Mm-hm. - Okay.

All right.

All right, I'm gonna take a photo.

Mm-hm.

Ugh, this thing's wet.

Whatever.

Cheers.

Cheers.

I love you.

Michael and Liz are gonna flip out.

I should actually tell Michael to get us a new bottle

and we can get a fresh pic when he gets here.

I guess you can get changed.

Michael the snowman, he's probably gonna bring some blow.

I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

When are they coming?

Well, if they left at 10:00 they'd probably be here

but I don't know, they probably left at 12:00

so like an hour or so.

Okay, you've gotta let me get dressed then.

Okay.

Jonathan.

You need some company in there or something?

Just come here.

I think I know him.

Who is that?

I don't know.

He looks familiar.

From where? What?

Just, just tell me.

What is it?

I saw him this morning.

He was lying on the ground.

He was lying on the ground?

And did you help him?

No.

Is he okay?

He was covered in blood.

What?

Here's your shirt.

Whoa, whoa.

I need to go to Ojai.

Whoa! - I need a ride to Ojai!

Shut up!

I need a ride! - Back up!

I have to go to Ojai.

Shut up! Shut up!

I need to go to Ojai!

Shut the fuck up!

Give me a ride...

Jonathan!

Shit.

You're already dead.

We need to get outta here.

What do you mean?

Fuck.

What's wrong?

The car won't start.

Can't you fix it?

No, I can't fix it.

I can't fuckin' fix anything.

It's a fucking Volvo, I'm not a brain surgeon.

Fuck!

What's wrong with you?

Are you kidding me? What's wrong with me?

Do you see this note?

Do you see the note!

I don't think he wrote it.

Okay, you know what, fuck it.

Fine, I'm not worried, either.

Good.

What about Michael and Liz?

We're just gonna have this guy over for dinner?

I don't think Michael and Liz are coming.

Why not?

They're just not.

Okay.

Hey buddy.

Put a fucking shirt on!

Ow.

You have a daughter and the mother is dead.

Do I look familiar?

You teach first grade.

No, I quit.

I work for an education company.

We close down schools.

Did you write this?

No.

Why do you keep saying we're dead?

Because I feel it.

Hey v, can I talk to you for a second?

I don't want this.

You're not worried?

Not really.

Am I acting crazy?

I don't think so.

This orange is tart.

What.

What's happening?

Try it.

What is this? What is happening right now?

I'm sorry.

And I want you to be happy.

But I didn't want the champagne.

I think we should have stuck to the plan.

What are you saying?

I can't lie.

Okay, that's good.

But I need you to communicate

a little more clearly right now.

It's very nice of you to ask to marry me.

God damn it.

We need to go.

We can't.

We'll walk, I'll get the car towed or something.

I just, I feel really uncomfortable right now.

We're not ready.

I'm ready.

I saw him yesterday.

Yeah, I know, you told me that.

He was covered in blood.

He was dead.

Oh come on, come on, come on.

Hey v.

V?

Victoria!

Where is Victoria?

I don't know.

What's wrong?

You didn't hear me yelling?

Victoria?

Yeah.

So what?

You know, I don't think that you did anything, man,

because I think you're like retarded or something,

but I know you know where she is.

If she's not in the house,

then she's probably in the woods.

The woods, great, thank you.

Thank you so much man, that's really fucking helpful.

I don't know, bitch! Fuck you!

You think this is fucking fun for me?

You asked me a fucking question.

Fuck, fuck!

Fuck you!

Fuck!

Suck my dick.

I'm sorry.

Get the fuck out of my house!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Get the fuck out, right now!

I'm sorry, I'm trying to go.

Go! - Fuck it, I'm trying to go.

Get the fuck out!

I'm sick of this shit!

Bro, I'm trying to fucking go.

I'm fucking pissed!

Am I an idiot, man?

Am I just an idiot?

What is wrong with me?

Hey man, hey, if you want I can help.

We can go look for her.

Why would I look for her?

She doesn't wanna be with me?

Just go! Can you just please go?

Where am I gonna go?

It's just fucked, man, it's fucked.

You can't know anybody in life.

We're just alone, that's it.

Hey man, don't...

Don't say that.

That's fucked up.

Hey.

I'm sorry I yelled at you.

I don't care that you yelled at me, dude.

That's not high on my list of shit.

I don't care that you yelled at me!

So there were these two old guys, right?

And they're sitting on their porch.

They're sipping their whiskey...

I don't wanna hear a joke.

And I know it!

I guess we're gonna play the delivery game.

The delivery game.

You tell a truth you've never shared before.

A secret?

A truth you've never shared before.

When your partner accepts your truth, you deliver.

The delivery game.

The truth is the whole truth.

And it's not the truth if it doesn't mean anything.

It will be rejected.

I wish I could go home and see my daughter.

Rejected.

Deeper.

I killed my girlfriend

and the mother of my child on my motorcycle.

And I don't feel bad about it.

Deeper.

I'm responsible and I wish it didn't happen.

I've spent this whole time running

from the chance to talk about it.

But the truth is,

these wounds have burned closed.

They don't hurt anymore.

I'm fine, I'm past it.

And nobody wants to know that.

Her name was Ella.

The delivery game.

You might know this, but, fuck it.

You were gone and I thought you left.

And I didn't wanna look for you.

I thought I wanted a certain future

and then I wasn't sure.

And then I was happy enough just

to go back to Los Angeles alone.

To just cut it.

You want me to go deeper?

The delivery game.

I don't wanna do anything anymore.

I don't wanna work.

I don't wanna act.

I can't continue.

Go deeper.

I don't have the freedom to live.

Only the idea that I should want something impossible.

To be a good person and to live forever.

I only have the freedom to die

if I would prefer not to live.

The delivery game.

I wish I was on the bike.

I always thought that I would die on the bike.

And she beat me to it.

Now that I have a child,

I can't kill myself and I hate it.

I have to live.

And I don't know what to do.

The delivery game.

I go through life.

I see people in pain.

I know they're in pain, I think it must hurt.

But I don't care.

Suffering made you a good person,

that's just too easy.

I don't wanna pity anyone.

And I don't think anyone should want to be pitied.

If you wanna be dead, you should just be dead.

And if you're plagued by the pain of existence,

just keep it to yourself and pretend to be happy.

The delivery game.

The delivery game.

I have no responsibility here.

I can't stand doing nothing.

I desire to be engulfed in suffering or in joy.

Good or evil.

Succumb or overcome.

But I can't live in between.

If things can't be said honestly,

I would rather not speak.

There's no place for me anywhere.

Not even in death.

The delivery game.

Victoria.

If we have to die again,

I would like to be close to somebody.

What is this?

There's nothing here.

It's just, it's on the surface.

It's bullshit.

A soul, if you want one, is a fifth wheel on a wagon.

That's life.

You only get one.

The delivery game.

♪ You're going down ♪

♪ a river of changes ♪

♪ far away ♪

♪ from where we live ♪

♪ and if you leave me ♪

♪ I will follow you down ♪

♪ with a love ♪

♪ I long to give ♪

♪ as we get older ♪

♪ we grow stranger ♪

♪ everyday ♪

♪ one more goodbye ♪

♪ and in my darkness ♪

♪ I hear the light of the moon ♪

♪ singing oh ♪

♪ sweet lullaby ♪