Original subtitles

Dawson.

Hey, a-are you sure This is a good idea?

Jo, let's not Analyze this. Ok?

Right. Don't analyze.

We don't need To discuss this.

Ok? Let's go upstairs.

Ok.

Jen.

What's wrong?

Abby and I Were on the d...

On the docks, and...

And we were up there, And sh...

We were drinking,

And then she f...

She fell back, And she hit...

Hit her head and...

And she...

She drowned.

Abby's dead.

♪ I don't wanna wait ♪

♪ for our lives to be over ♪

♪ I want to know right now ♪

♪ what will it be? ♪

♪ I don't wanna wait ♪

♪ for our lives to be over ♪

♪ will it be yes, Or will it be... ♪

♪ sorry? ♪

♪ so open up Your morning light ♪

♪ and say a little prayer For right ♪

♪ you know that if we are To stay alive ♪

♪ and see the love In every eye... ♪

That seems Like a lifetime ago.

Your mother Loved that dress.

I told her to take it back-- Too expensive.

So she went out And bought 2 of 'em Just to spite me.

That was Your mother.

Why are you Looking at this?

This girl at my school Died on saturday night.

She drowned.

Joey, that's terrible.

Were you two close?

No, not particularly.

I mean, she was Kind of a nightmare.

But it's, um...

Sort of got me thinking,

Remembering.

Joey, we, uh, Never really talked

About your mother Or her death.

Well, it's getting late,

And I have to go To school, so...

I'll see you later.

My name is elizabeth, And I am a grief counselor.

I'm here today to facilitate A discussion about abigail.

Now, I know you've all Been dealt a heavy blow,

But by sharing your feelings With each other,

It should aid in the long And difficult process

That we call grieving.

I'd like to make An announcement.

The girls service league Is distributing Yellow armbands

That we're Wearing in honor Of abby's memory.

If anybody would Like an armband,

Please meet me In the cafeteria At lunchtime.

Jennifer,

I was told that you were A close friend of abigail's.

Would you like to talk

About some of the feelings That you're experiencing?

No.

Well, that's perfectly ok.

I understand.

Andie.

Did you know abigail?

Yeah. I did.

Can you talk About your feelings?

Well, um...

I guess I'm feeling shocked.

I mean, she...

Was so Incredibly alive,

And she had Such a great spirit.

It's...

It's really A tragedy.

Jennifer?

Thank you so much for Honoring abby's memory.

Hey.

Uh, hey.

Dawson, I know we have A lot to talk about

Concerning the other night.

Yeah, joey, let's...

Can we just not Go there right now?

I mean, there's a lot of Stuff going on, and...

We can analyze this To death later.

Right.

Ok.

Dawson...

The truth is I never really liked abby.

Ditto.

I actively despised her.

It's weird.

I mean, this-- Abby was weird.

That she died Is weird.

The way she died Is weird.

I mean, I... I can't even imagine

What the funeral's Gonna be like.

I'm not going.

You're not?

Dawson, the last funeral I went to was my mom's.

I mean, I haven't even Been to her gravesite.

I think going To abby's funeral

Will just open This pandora's box of emotions

That frankly I'd rather Keep sealed tight.

Joey, y-your mother Died 3 years ago.

You've had these Feelings you Haven't dealt with.

How long are you Planning on waiting?

I don't know.

I guess I'm just...

There's a part of me That's still holding on--

You know, that little girl Inside that's just...

Waiting for her return,

Like her death Was just this...

Cosmic error,

And eventually god will realize That he made a terrible mistake,

And he'll send her back to me Like he did my dad,

And--and I'll have My mom again.

I know it sounds ridiculous.

No, it doesn't. It's...

No. It...

But I mean, it's...

That's a child's False hope.

Eventually you're Gonna have to let it go.

Yeah, well, I don't Wanna let it go.

You don't know What it's like, dawson.

Uh, jen...

I've been looking All over for you.

You just stormed out of class. Are you ok?

Like dealing With abby's death Isn't hard enough,

But to watch everybody Parade around

Acting like--like abby Was their best friend,

It's sickening.

Aside from me,

Abby didn't Have a single friend In capeside.

Well, that's because She was a--

A bitch. Come on, andie. Say it.

"Abby was a bitch."

Well, I wouldn't Go that far.

Yeah, well, You would have 3 days ago.

But now that she's dead,

You wax poetic About "Her great spirit."

It's so insincere.

Well, I don't think It's appropriate

To malign her character After she's gone.

It isn't maligning If it's true.

Believe me, it would have Been easier for everybody

If abby had just been This wonderful person With these virtuous qualities,

But she wasn't.

She was mean,

And the least that We can do is acknowledge Who she really was.

Jen, I know this Must be hard for you.

And I am sick and tired

Of everybody treating me Like I'm some kind Of celebrity

Just because I happened to be At the scene of the crime.

It's funny. Abby spent her entire life Shattering our fragile egos,

And that's why people Disliked her so intensely.

Leave it to abby.

Even in her death, She's still exposing hypocrisy.

Well, I feel bad,

But I tried To reach out to her,

And every time, She rejected me.

she rejected you?

If you hadn't Rejected her at the wedding,

None of this Ever would have happened.

What?

You kicked us out At the wedding, andie.

That's why We were at the docks In the first place.

Don't say that.

I'm sorry, ok?

I can't-- I gotta go home.

Hey.

Oh, hi, honey.

So, how was school?

Weird.

Everybody's playing The dutiful mourners,

But underneath, There's this...

Odd sense They're all munchkins

Finally freed from The spell of the wicked Witch of the east.

Um, honey, I know you're Dealing with a lot right now,

But I have some news I have to share with you.

Sounds serious.

No, no, no. It's--it's not bad news. It's good news.

Dawson, do you remember That piece I did On the teenage girls?

Yeah.

Well, I won The peale vision award

For excellence In news broadcasting.

That's great, mom.

Congratulations.

Oh, but that's Not the news.

No, the news is, Because of the award,

I've been offered a job As a network correspondent.

Ah, it's a lot of money. It's high profile. It's...

It's in philadelphia.

Oh.

Are you Gonna take it?

Well, professionally It's a huge leap for me.

It's--it's what I've always worked for.

I don't wanna move To philadelphia.

Oh, I completely Understand that.

You're halfway Through high school.

No, I do not want To uproot you.

if I took this job,

I assume your father Would move back in, and...

I would come home As often as I could.

So w-what about You and dad?

Are you guys just Throwing in the towel?

It's the last thing I want,

But I'm hitting my head Up against the wall Here, honey.

Your father doesn't Seem to have any interest In making things work.

So if I do walk away From this career opportunity,

And I still lose my marriage,

What do I have?

You still have me.

Jennifer, I'm worried about you.

Don't be. I'm just tired.

You know, I can't say I was particularly fond Of your friend abby.

I always had The distinct impression That she was mocking me.

She was, wasn't she?

Don't take it Personally, grams.

Abby was mocking Everyone.

But she was your friend.

It's so hard to understand Why god would take Someone so young

With so much left to learn, So much to give.

It really tests One's faith.

Lucky me. I didn't have Any faith to begin with.

Just rest assured God may work In mysterious ways,

But he has a plan.

Well, if god Had a plan for abby,

She certainly Wasn't following it.

God has a plan For all of us, Including abby,

Including you.

Grams, I don't wanna have A religious discussion Right now.

Now, it's times Like this when--

Grams, please, ok?

All right.

But I'm here For you

Whenever you need me.

I can't believe That jen would accuse you Of being responsible.

She was drunk. She fell. She drowned.

End of story.

It's nobody's fault, Least of all yours.

Yeah, but...

I was so mean To her.

Oh, come on, You've gotta be kidding. Thanks.

Abby morgan was one Of the most hideous creatures

To ever haunt The streets of capeside,

And you Bent over backwards To befriend her.

You really shouldn't Be taking this That hard, andie.

Don't tell me How I should be feeling.

I mean, if I'm upset, Then I'm upset.

If I feel guilty, Then I feel guilty.

I think those are Perfectly valid feelings.

You're right. I'm sorry.

I just don't Like seeing you Like this, ok?

Oh, god, pacey.

Don't look now,

But abby's mother Just walked in.

Don't I know you?

Uh, yes, Mrs. Morgan.

I'm andie mcphee.

You drove me home Once.

Oh, that's right. You're a friend of abby's.

She talked a lot About you.

She did?

Oh.

Mrs. Morgan, I'm so sorry About what happened.

Thank you.

Will you be coming To the funeral?

Yeah.

Of course. Of course I will.

Uh, you know, No one's offered to, uh, To give a eulogy,

And I'm not really familiar With any of her other School friends.

You will be saying a few words About her, won't you?

What?

Since she was So fond of you.

Sure.

Sure.

Thank you.

Eulogy?

You don't have To deliver this eulogy.

You just lay low Or tell abby's mother That you're too upset.

No! I have to find A way to honor Abby's memory,

Both truthfully And respectfully.

Her family Deserves that much.

I'll always remember The nice things

The people said At my brother's Funeral.

Uhh.

You ok?

Just occurred to me That I've never Even seen her house.

It's so pretty.

Yeah, I know.

I was halfway expecting This gothic castle, you know?

The gargoyles Leering down on you From the spires.

Ok...

This is morbid.

Explain to me again Exactly what this Is gonna accomplish

Besides just making you Even more freaked-out.

I just want To see her room...

You know, Where she brushed her hair And planned her future.

Why?

Look, we'll just give Our condolences and Slip into her room.

♪ whatever makes you happy ♪

♪ is exactly What you will hear ♪

♪ wouldn't dream Of change any ♪

♪ for a minute Or in a year ♪

♪ whatever makes you happy ♪

♪ is exactly How you will stay ♪

♪ whatever Makes you happy... ♪

Hey, what if Abby's mother saw us Come in here together?

She probably thinks I'm tryin' to get lucky

In the middle Of her daughter's Memorial.

Shh!

Ohhh...This Is really strange.

It's almost like The room's waiting For her to come back.

This is really creepy, Andie. Can we go, please?

Wait a minute.

This is her diary.

You know, The real thoughts Of any girl

Lie within the confines Of her personal diary.

You know what? People's privacy

Deserves to be respected, Even in death.

I'm not doing this To satisfy my curiosity, Pacey.

I'm doing this for abby.

I want to be able To give her a eulogy

That does justice To her character.

Hmm. Let's see...

"Dear diary...

"Another unbelievably Annoying day here On walton's mountain.

"That slut jen lindley Literally stole My new boyfriend

"And right out From under my nose.

She's a bleach-blond Hosebag."

She was probably Just having a bad day.

Sure.

Ok. Um...

"Dear diary...

"My mother Is driving me insane.

"I hate her so much. I must be adopted.

"There's no way that I can Share the same genes with That dried-up old wench."

J-just another Bad day, right?

Yeah.

Ok.

"Dear diary...

"That new girl andie Is such a...Psycho"?!

How many ways can you Tell a person you don't Like them?" what?!

"She just won't Take a hint. God, and that Boyfriend of hers is a--"

Ok. You know what? I don't want to know. I don't want to hear it.

Let's go. Now. Please.

Dawson.

I was just thinking About you.

Huh.

You know, When I was young,

My first few experiences With death

Were shocking,

And, uh,

Well, as I get older, It doesn't get any easier,

But it does Kind of help you

Put your life Into perspective.

Makes you realize You have to grab on

To the people you love And never let go.

And on that note, Um, ha,

Mom was offered A job

As a networkcorrespondent in philadelphia.

Do you have anything To say?

Well, I-I'll call her,

And, uh, and Congratulate her.

That's it?

You're going to call up, Say congratulations,

And then just let her Walk out of your life.

Grab on to those You love, huh?

So, uh, joey?

Yeah?

You know, I-I've tried Biting my tongue,

But, um,

The $64,000 question Has to be asked.

What's up with you And dawson?

Nothing.

Yeah. Nothing.

You two shared A pretty conspicuous Non-nothing kiss

The other night. Come on.

Yeah. Well, we're Putting it on hold.

We have enough To deal with Without adding

Our complicatedrelationship to the mix, so...

All right.

All right,

I'll buy that.

So how you feeling Otherwise?

Um...

Ok.

I've obviously Had a lot on my mind Lately.

How are You feeling about This whole thing?

I--I know this sounds A little morbid,

But I can't stop thinking About the fact

That abby and I Kissed

At dawson's Birthday party,

Which means I am probably

The last person That she ever Kissed.

At least she went out With a bang.

No--I can't believe I just said that.

I can't either.

You know what? I am sorry If I threaten you

And your safety net.

I mean, And--and contrary To popular belief,

I am not trying To ruin your life,

And I am trying So hard not to do That.

Hey.

Hey, man. You Working late, huh?

Yeah.

Your mom told me I could find you Here.

What's up?

I don't know, Really.

Uh...

Mrs. Morgan Asked andie To give a eulogy

Extolling abby's virtues.

God. How do you Speak glowingly

About a girl Who rode to school On a broomstick?

It's just So frustrating, Dawson.

I'm trying so hard

To set it To straights For andie,

But I got no control Over things Like this.

Ha.

I know what you mean.

That's why I'm here.

It must be kind of A surreal experience

Editing a movie In which one of your Leading ladies

Is no longer.

Action.

Contrary to popular Belief,

I did not come here To ruin your life,

And I am trying So hard not To do that.

I'm sorry.

She has food In her teeth.

Cut.

Perfect timing.

Dinner's almost ready.

Jennifer, have you Been drinking again?

Not only have I Been drinking,

But I am drunk Out of my mind.

Oh, jennifer, Don't do this To yourself.

Don't mask your Grief with alcohol.

Try to feel Your pain.

This drinking Will only make Things worse.

Worse? Oh, come on. Worse than what?

Think of the good times You shared with abby.

She'd want you To remember her That way.

Well, then you obviously Didn't know abby too well,

Because abby is probably Down there

With beelzebub

Doing tequila shooters

And laughing At all of us.

You have to believe That abby

Is in god's hands.

He has a special place In his kingdom

For the children.

Really?

God's got A 5-bedroom Beach condo in maui

For dead kids?

Jennifer--

For the last time, grams, There is no god,

And there is no heaven And there is no peace

And there is no hope.

The only truth That I know is pain.

So you can just keep Your sunday school fables To yourself,

'cause they make me puke.

Does it give you So much pleasure

To shock And offend me?

I am trying to be Understanding,

But you insist On disobeying My rules

And polluting My house

With yourdisrespectful blasphemy.

I guess you're finally Sick of me, huh?

I guess your infinite Patience and compassion

Aren't as infinite As we thought.

You know, if I can't Just--just be myself

And just speak my mind,

Maybe I should just Move out.

Jennifer!

What are you Thinking about?

I've been trying To remember mom, and...

I can't get a clear Picture of her in my head.

It's the scariest Thing. It--

It's like she's...

Slowly fading away, And...

Do you know What I mean?

Joey, when I Was in prison,

I missed Your mother.

The loss combined With the guilt

Was almost too much For me,

But I look at you,

And I know She's still here.

You are so like Your mother, joey.

She was tough, And, um,

Independent,

Funny...

In the exact same Way as you're funny.

Stubborn. Oh...

She was stubborn.

Tell her the sky Was blue,

She would say It was green.

So she's not gone.

She lives on In you...

And that comforts me To no end.

Ohh. It's only a few hours Till the funeral,

And I have no idea What I'm going to say.

Make something up.

Tell them That abby was A wonderful person

And she'll be Deeply missed

And blah, blah, Blah, blah, blah.

Lie? You want me to lie?

Well, you could Tell them the truth,

That she was A hideous Abomination,

And the world Is better off Without her.

Right, and watch her mother Have a heart attack

And collapse Into the aisle.

Oh, god, pacey, What am I going to do?

I'll give The speech.

You'd do that For me?

Andie, I would do anything

To keep you from having A nervous breakdown.

I'm not about to have A nervous breakdown.

Well, I'm about to have A nervous breakdown

Just living vicariously Through you, so...

Seriously?

Well...

Look, pacey,

I know what it's like To care deeply

About someone who has

The propensity to become Mentally unhinged,

And I don't want To be that to you--

Andie, what am I Supposed to do,

Just sit back And watch you Agonize?

If you're In distress, How can I help

But to come To your rescue?

Well, if I'm drowning In the ocean,

Yes, throw me a lifeline,

But don't let our roles

Become permanently Etched in stone.

I mean, me, The helpless lunatic,

And you, the hero On horseback.

I need to take care Of myself.

I'm going to deliver This speech.

I'll think of something.

Ok.

You know, it's not too late To duck out of here.

No. Pacey,

I'm going to do This, even if it Kills me.

Well, I guess We could just

Slip you in the coffin With abby.

It's a joke. I'm kidding.

Hey.

You made it.

Can you just Hold my hand?

Good samaritan Of capeside.

Jennifer, I'm--

I lost a lot of sleep Last night, and I--

I do hope we can Avoid ugly scenes Like last night

In the future.

I--I want you to know I forgive you.

I'm not looking for Your forgiveness, grams.

I'm looking for Your understanding...

And that's something That you've never Been able to provide.

We are here today

To remember the life Of abigail morgan,

But before we begin,

I would like to invite Those of you

Who wish to share Your memories of abby

To come forward At this time.

My name's jen lindley,

And I was friends With abby,

As much as anybody Could be,

Because abby Had a toxic Personality

That bordered On radioactive.

Abby could be cruel,

And abby could be Spiteful,

And abby could Certainly be petty.

She spent her daysmischievously stirring up trouble

And creating calamity

And generally Taking pleasure

In other people's pain.

You know, In sunday school,

They teach us that god Made man in his image.

Well, if god made abby In his own image,

Then what does That say about god?

God has always been Such a mystery to me.

I mean, what sort of deity Creates a world

That is so full Of suffering

And is so full Of tragedy?

Tell you what, Abby taught me a lot.

That girl taught me How to do a tequila shooter

With one hand Behind my back,

And she taught me How to live my life

According to my own set Of values,

And not to just Follow the crowd

In hopes of winning some Phantom popularity contest,

But most of all,

What's most important Is that abby taught me

The sadistic nature Of our god,

And while that knowledge Is disturbing,

It's true, And it's real,

And in a world That is so saturated

With phoniness And with lies,

For that small amount,

For that little bit Of honesty,

I will always Be grateful to her.

Um...

There are people Who give me comfort

In my life.

Um, when the going Gets rough,

As it invariably does,

I can count on them As a shoulder to cry on,

And they will Pick me up when I fall,

And hold me In their arms as I cry

And tell me That everything

Is going to be All right.

I am so thankful For these people.

They are priceless...

But there's Another group of people

Just as important And just as priceless.

They are people Who challenge me,

Who push me To my breaking points,

And who force me To muster courage

I never thought I had.

Abby morgan Was one of those people.

In her own Truth-telling way,

She gave me strength.

I'm a stronger woman Because of her,

Stronger than I ever thought That I could be.

She gave me that gift.

She was one-of-a-kind.

There's no one Like her,

And she will Always hold

A special spot In my heart.

♪ be a hero, be a star ♪

♪ anything But what you are ♪

♪ find the girl to possess ♪

♪ always pay, Pursue, protect ♪

♪ be the master, Be a slave ♪

♪ work your ass Into an early grave ♪

♪ but you deserve To be loved ♪

♪ you deserve Somethin' real ♪

♪ time to heal ♪

♪ time to feel ♪

♪ you deserve to be loved ♪

I was editing My movie yesterday,

And, um,

I just kept on watching Abby's footage Over and over,

And it hit me

Just how fleeting Life is,

You know, and...

I realized...

I don't want to die With unlived life in my veins.

I don't want To go to my grave

Regretting what could've been

If I'd only taken action, And maybe...

This is the wrong time To say this to you,

But joey...

I am so happy

About what happened Between us the other night.

And I could just Keep on talking

Until you Say something,

But usually The more I talk,

The more chances There are I'm going To screw up, so--

Of course I'm happy.

Right now, I...

I have to go To someplace.

Ok.

Do you think you Could walk me there?

Absolutely.

Thanks.

You know, I have to admit,

You have had me worried These last few days, mcphee,

But as per usual,

You managed to pull it off With flying colors.

I think I needed This whole Experience, pacey.

It just brought me Closer to tim.

Uh...

I'm going to go Talk to her.

Andie...

Whew.

I cannot apologize Enough.

Abby's death Wasn't your fault.

It was mine.

What?

I invited her out.

I got her drunk.

I could've Saved her.

No, jen, you did Everything you could.

The water was rough, The current was too strong--

I saw her In the water,

And...

She was so scared.

Don't think About that, ok?

And because I'm weak,

Because I can't just Accept the blame,

I had to deflect it Onto everybody else,

Onto capeside,

Onto you, Onto my grams. I mean--

Oh, god,

And that speech, That...Speech.

What was I thinking, Huh?

Well, I'm a people-pleaser...

And sometimes in order To succeed in that,

You have to be phony.

Abby was The exact opposite,

And she put her truth Above everything.

And that's what you did.

It was a memorial For abby,

And you were just

Being truthful To her spirit.

Sometimes I just don't think It's appropriate

To speak your truth.

Sometimes it's a better idea To just shut up.

Oh, god, jen.

Abby kept a diary.

It was pretty nasty,

And if her mom Finds it,

She's going to be Devastated.

♪ I know what comfort is ♪

♪ and I can't see Why I should ♪

♪ but I could do Most anything for you ♪

♪ and you know I would ♪

♪ I try too hard ♪

♪ and then I give up Way too easily ♪

♪ I'm the runner-up Inside of you ♪

♪ and you're the winner Inside of me ♪

♪ lose your way ♪

♪ and I will follow ♪

♪ here today ♪

♪ and here tomorrow ♪

♪ but my freedom, I know ♪

♪ I'll never let you go ♪

♪ I still wish On the evenin' star ♪

♪ and I suppose I always will ♪

♪ every child Loses somethin' ♪

♪ a whole life Can't fulfill ♪

♪ and when you cry, I feel the sky ♪

♪ burst open in my veins ♪

♪ if lovin' you Makes a slave of me ♪

♪ then I'll spend My whole life in chains ♪

I just, um...

I hope wherever she is,

She's happy.

She's looking down On you...

And she's Very happy.

♪ I'll never let you go ♪

♪ walk the line ♪

♪ I'll walk inside you ♪

♪ change your mind ♪

♪ let your love decide you ♪

♪ it's the reason I know ♪

♪ you'll never let me go ♪

Grams?

How could you, Jennifer?

You packed up All my stuff.

I went to that Funeral today

To try to give you Some support

And to try To rectify Some of the damage

In our fragile Relationship,

Only to find you Heartlessly

Thumbing your nose At me,

In a house of god, No less.

Grams, that speech Wasn't for you.

That was for abby.

And I regret it.

I do.

And--and I know That it was wrong,

And--and I'm sorry That I offended Your beliefs--

This is not about My beliefs

Or free speech Or any other

Philosophical nonsense.

This is about The truth,

And the truth Is you deliberately Tried to wound me

In that chapel.

You decided To take out

All your Pain and rage At the world on me.

Wait, grams--

You want understanding?

How about a little Understanding in return?

How about a little Compassion for me?

Not just for my beliefs, But for me,

Your grandmother, Who loves you,

Who would do anything For you,

Who would die for you.

Wait, gram--grandma, Wait a minute. Just listen.

You should be living With someone else,

Someone you respect, And clearly, I am not That person.

All the time you waste Rebelling against me

Is getting you nowhere,

So while it pains me

More than you will Ever know, jennifer,

I want you to move out.

Find somewhere else To live.

Mrs. Morgan?

Hello?

Hello?