Original subtitles

Man, he is killing me.

Yes, I know what you mean.

Let's go on a day and go for a swim.

Hi, Mr Brewer.

What do you think of the idea?

Hello, Mary.

Go swimming.

You're out.

Of your mind.

The beaches are so crowded, not even that sardines have enough room.

Not to mention the garbage.

Good afternoon, Mr Brewer.

Hello again.

I don't mind a meeting, but why the hell on a day like this?

Well, you see, it's like this.

The publishers have decided our readers have had enough of our porno reports.

Next week is the last article.

So the question now is, where do we go from here?

Of course, they give you credit for the recent increase in our circulation.

Where's the bonus?

Only they think it's time we offered our readers a fresh look at the subject of sex.

Completely different angle.

And someone mentioned the recent lawsuit concerning that 15 year old girl.

The young man in the lawsuit was several years older.

However, he hadn't had much sexual experience.

So before it, there she was giving the fellow lessons.

I thought it was a good subject, men who are victimized by young girls.

Anyhow, after the publishers heard me out, they gave me the green light.

And so we're doing a report on young seducers.

We could begin with a story I heard not long ago.

There was this young man and a very attractive teenager.

Can she make a.

Mountain out of a molehill?

It was so hot today, I decided to cut.

I'm going to college.

Feel about the young, a college girl?

I've always looked younger than my real age.

What's your major.

Foreign languages?

German and French.

Oh, French, that's a nice tongue.

How come you're on the beach in the middle of the week?

You're a.

Beachcomber.

I'm a painter.

Oh, a boar.

Starving artist no, my folks are rich.

Oh, you live here with your parents?

I live alone in a little studio.

Care to take a look at.

I'd love to.

I warn you, you're taking a chance.

Didn't your mother ever tell you how dangerous it take little girls you don't know up to your room?

But you're not that little.

Okay, vampire, get into my Cadillac and sink your teeth into my.

I can't wait.

Rosemary was putting a new twist on an old proverb.

If you want a horse to drink, you've got to lead him to the water.

This sprite little girl was invited to see his studio, but of course, she was also dying to see his etchings, whatever you want to call them.

Well, here we are, but I'm afraid we'll have to climb 5 flights up to mount.

Olympus.

They say no sacrifices.

Rosemary's strategy was working out beautifully.

Little did he suspect that he was the fly and not the spider.

Her only worry was that he might be too exhausted after climbing 5 flights.

Well, we made it.

Hey, what's the name of that.

One?

Study of a woman in dual perplexity.

And what's.

That one?

My psyche in a state of bonded emancipation.

How interesting.

Not even Picasso has nicer titles.

Oh, that one's sexy.

Inborn instinct of a male in his search for consummation.

Inborn instinct.

I can see it.

Of course, not everybody understands it.

Of course.

Don't you ever paint women?

No.

In my opinion, a subject is unproductive and completely exhausted.

Maybe it's simply that you don't care for girls too much.

Isn't the view from up here fantastic?

Women don't hold any secrets for me.

Maybe you haven't met women who have enough to offer.

I have an idea.

Why don't you try painting a portrait of me?

I'll be your model.

I don't think.

So.

Oh, give it a dryer.

How's this?

Well, all right.

But I'm warning, you're in for a big surprise.

So are you?

I'm going to get in the mood.

Okay.

I just hope it's worth all the trouble.

Is that as far as you're going.

Oh, topless.

Whatever you.

Say.

There you like.

You look like the kind of a man a girl could trust.

I have a secret or 2 for you.

What secret?

Now, don't tell me you're going to go bottomless, too.

I think I'll start by showing you some of my secrets.

Something tells me I'm not going to get very far with this painting.

What did you say?

I just said I think I'm going to enjoy painting you.

Why, granny?

What big eyes you have.

You drooling?

Paint.

I lost my train of thought.

I can't concentrate anymore.

It's too hot in here.

It sure is.

A.

No, not bad for a guy who doesn't like to paint women.

You've just got to get to know them a little better.

Come closer.

Yes.

All you.

Need to know.

Why?

Oh, well, getting back to the point of the story, Rosemary didn't learn that at any college.

As a matter of fact, she'd never been to college.

She was too young.

But she wasn't too young to teach the young man a lesson he'd never forget.

And if she does attend college someday, well, you've seen for yourself what admirable qualities she has.

And if she majors in foreign tongues, there's no doubt she's going to be very popular.

Incidentally, he finally did paint her.

And the curious part of it is that the picture brought the recognition he'd been hoping for.

So, you see, everything has its brighter side.

Rosemary, of course, was advanced for a girl her age.

She looked much older, yet she was just 16.

A couple of weeks ago, I read about a girl who worked at a service station.

Well, maybe it shouldn't be called work.

In any case, she was offered to regular customers they could have sex with her on the house.

The owner of the service station was smart.

Instead of giving presents or discount, men could have quick sex.

Imagine, to buy gasoline and get a pretty girl.

At least you must admit the idea was good.

Look at all the junk they offer you nowadays.

How many car and airplane models can you collect?

And who wants to save coins or pictures of animals or whatever it is they think up to make you want to buy their gasoline, there's no way of making the gasoline itself more appealing.

A collection of coat of arms might appeal to some kid, but what can you offer a grown up?

Anyway, the owner of the service station didn't regret the setup for a long time.

Word got around and.

Business boomed.

Hey, Charlie.

Yes, sir.

How much?

2775, sir.

Hey, keep the change.

Thank you, sir.

Service satisfactory, man.

You can say that again.

Go again, sir.

You bet.

Bye, harry.

Send the next one up.

Coming up, boss.

Good afternoon, sir.

Afternoon.

Same as always.

Fill her up.

Take your time with it today.

Check the battery and air pressure.

Okay.

I understand, sir.

You might as well change the oil while you're at it.

I did that yesterday.

I'll do it again.

Anything you.

Say, Angela.

Angel, that what did you hear again?

I certainly am.

You're amazing.

Where the hell do you get all the energy from?

I couldn't wait to get here today.

Remember, you promised to do it the French way promise is a promise.

I mean, I know you don't usually do that, but we've been together so often now, it's not as if I were a strange or anything, right oh, don't be that way.

Angela.

Angela.

Hi, Angela.

You can't imagine how fond of you.

I am.

Sweetheart.

Darling, you undressed yet?

We're wasting valuable time sweetie pie, take off your shorts.

Let's cut out the talk and get down to business.

That's it.

And keep your undershirt on, okay?

Can I come?

Oh, Angela.

Oh, your skin is so smooth, ball.

Wonderful.

Oh, ding din, baby.

Oh, okay.

Excuse me.

Yep, bye, Angela.

See you tomorrow.

What's the Bill?

It makes an even 40.

Thank you, sir.

Call again, sir.

I sure.

Will.

See you tomorrow.

Any time, harry.

Send the next one up.

Coming up, boss.

Good afternoon, sir.

Good afternoon.

What do you mean?

Fill her up and check my oil.

Right away, sir.

Well, it couldn't go on like that forever.

It was simply too good to last.

Somebody gave it all away.

Fire was jailed.

Mm hmm.

This story that might fit into the theme of young girls who go around seducing grown up men began, of all places.

In a tub.

But.

LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, E.

A.

Me rebus.

I.

Man.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, okay oh, oh.

I.

Now, who could I blow up a storm with?

I wonder how our dear old chemistry teacher would react to a private call from me.

Yes.

Hello.

This is Helen Klein.

Well, what is it?

Well, I wanted, I.

Now, something must be wrong if you call me in the middle of the night like this.

I'm all alone in the house.

And.

Now listen to your.

Helen, you're not a baby any.

Don't try to tell me you're afraid of being alone.

Oh, never.

I simply want to say a final goodbye.

But I've had enough of this.

Helen, goodnight.

Oh, but I've decided to end it all, so it's goodbye.

What?

Yes, my number is up.

Now, listen here.

You've always been an excellent student and very intelligent.

What's the meaning of this absurd talk?

What I'm telling you is true.

I won't be alive tomorrow.

I've had, if the overdose of sleeping pills doesn't do, I'll jump out of the window.

What?

Oh, forget it.

It's too late to do anything about it.

About what?

I've put the pills in water to dissolve.

We'd better talk the matter over, Helen.

Now, listen, get some sleep tomorrow.

There won't be a.

Tomorrow nonsense.

Tomorrow will go over in detail whatever's troubling you.

Now, a girl as beautiful and intelligent as you are masters all our problems.

Understand, and I feel positive you'll think differently after our talk.

I'll be there in 5 minutes flat.

He's advisable if you're hello?

Hello?

Nay.

Come in, Helen.

Yes, sir.

Can I offer you anything?

A coke?

Yes, sir.

With ice?

Yes.

Okay.

Would you please tell me what's got.

Into you?

It's.

Simple.

I'm in love with you.

Come here.

Let me show you how much.

So that was it.

If this is a joke, I don't think anyone is going to find it very amusing.

I'm going to report it to the school.

I've had enough of this business.

Now go back home.

This is a fabulous bed.

I can't wait to tell all the girls what a man our chemistry teacher can be.

That chandelier is very easy to describe.

So they'll be willing to believe everything.

That it was your idea to invite me up here and seducing me was why you made me come.

Get out.

You have no alternative.

This is blackmail.

Get out of my fence and into your things.

Get out of here before I forget myself.

Will you let go of me?

Oh, that was your own fault.

This is what she claimed.

She was desperate.

When she finally Learned what the teacher wanted, she bit and scratched so that he sent her away without harming her.

Her girlfriend brought the truth to light later on.

Teachers are always in danger of becoming the object of a conspiracy if they don't keep a strong hold on themselves.

I heard the story of a piano teacher the other day.

That's terrific.

It will show you what sweetness and girls are capable of.

Du, done.

Now play the last bars once more, Susan.

Very good fine.

And now comes day 2.

You were supposed to practice for today or didn't you practice?

Of course I did.

All right, Susan, for heaven's sake, this photograph, where did you get it?

Why don't you.

Think it's nice?

I brought it along especially to give.

It to you as a present, as a present for me, because.

I think you're such a wonderful teacher.

And I wanted to ask you to make me a present of a picture of you like that.

A photograph in the nude.

Don't have any, but where could I have some taken?

I made.

Mine all by myself with my Polaroid camera.

I could make some of you if you like.

I have my camera and a flash there in my brief case.

But I'm not as well proportioned as you are, Susan.

I think your body's very beautiful.

No.

Mm hmm.

Pull down the other one.

Mm hmm.

Please look the other way Susan, take off your things.

Susan, darling, come closer.

Oh, me.

I should.

I am, a, oh, oh, okay.

I am oh, oh, oh.

Susan, I hope you enjoyed yourself.

I'm not coming anymore.

Write my parents telling them you refuse to.

Give me piano lessons.

But there's no reason I should.

Susan, maybe.

Not for you, but I have a boyfriend and instead of you giving me lessons from now on, I intend.

To make it with him.

Have I made myself clear?

Quite.

It's amazing the ingenuity of a teenage girl.

I remember the tale about a well developed 15 year old girl, a very fascinating story.

I'm sure you won't hear anything like it ever again.

It's a real knockout.

Hello, boys and girls.

Today I want to tell you the story of the princess and the pea.

Once upon a time there was a princess.

Her father, the king, was a real sugar daddy.

He gave her all the lollipops she wanted and she loved to suck lollipops.

But the princess was still unhappy.

You see, she had one obsession.

She adored sitting on peas.

He gave her all the peace she wanted.

But alas, she longed for just one tremendous pea to sit on.

So she would secretly travel throughout the countryside in a coach in search of a handsome prince with a real big P.

Well, one fine morning, a fearless prince traveling in her direction saw her and fell in love with her immediately.

But she didn't notice she was daydreaming about a big pea.

Then she sensed his stare and she smiled at him shyly.

He returned her smile and thought, is my fate sealed?

However, she had but one thought, does he have a big pea?

She had to do something to find out.

She knew the prince would come to her aid if she were in distress, so she decided to try opening the window of the coach.

She tried and finally looked at him in despair.

He saw her rosy cheeks and hastened to her aid.

The good prince couldn't wait to please the lovely Maiden.

She seized the opportunity and asked, have you got a big pea?

You bet I do.

Then.

Do sit down next to me.

Your wish is my command.

They traveled side by side for a while, both yet too shy to speak.

But finally, she asked him about his pea, and if it was a great big pea, could she sit on it?

Well, the handsome prince agreed and he gave it to her.

The princess sat, relishing the large size of his pea.

The coach rocked, but she remained firmly on the pea.

Yet somewhere deep inside of her, she knew that although it was truly large, she longed for far mightier ones.

Her eyes strayed.

Where would she find a pea big enough to satisfy her desires?

She could not disappoint this handsome prince who had so willingly given her his pee.

How could she tell him it would never do?

The prince, however, loved the princess.

He was enraptured by her sitting on his large pea for all he cared.

She could sit on it forever if she so desired.

But he could not control himself much longer.

He knew his love could not be contained, so he opened up and his love gushed forward.

She, however, returned the peep back to him.

She could never become his mistress, she said.

She must continue her search for the largest pea.

The princess decided to take another route, but the prince, whose thirst for her was not quenched, followed her.

She looked back at him nostalgically.

After all, his pea was really big.

Over there.

I like a girl.

It's hard to get.

Well, you've got me.

What now?

Let's take a walk.

What last one to the stream is an ass.

Come back here.

Come here.

No, they call me.

I don't know.

Oh, no.

Now I've got you.

Oh, what a mad.

Do.

And they loved happily ever after.

There's a marvelous story I could add to the series.

It concerns a football player and a young girl.

He comes from Denmark.

Oh, but I warn you, if he sues.

Us, it wouldn't be surprising.

That's nothing to worry about.

All or any similarity to living or deceased persons is pure coincidence.

Okay, suppose we call him Larson.

Larson decides to go.

To an electrical appliance store since he wants to buy a new hi phi unit.

Oh, look.

Ooh, that's that Danish.

Football player.

Don't tell me I haven't met him.

He lives in your house.

The simplest operation.

It's very easy, and yet it's the best technical equipment on the market today simply do like that.

It's a matter of a second.

And music, the likes of which you've never heard before, will encompass like this.

That's it.

You just have to know how it's done.

It's only important to know what button you have to.

Push.

Could I get a word in?

Yes, please.

Thanks.

Please.

Excuse me if I take up your time, but a battery is all I want.

All right.

Thanks, Larson.

Oh, it needs a new.

Battery.

Yes, but the matter is still working.

As far as I can see, it's still functioning.

Oh, but I've been using it an awful lot and I don't want it to stop working in the middle of things.

I mean, you're.

Right, it won't work forever, right?

Well, I'll fix it for you.

Thanks.

When are you going back to Denmark.

Larsen?

Next week.

There, that should do.

It's.

Too thick.

Right?

That one's for grown UPS.

This one's for the little ones.

It'll fit here you are.

Thank you.

How much?

All it costs is one 25.

Great.

Thank you.

Bye.

Have fun.

That's life.

Practice makes perfect.

Yes.

Well, now this battery, I mean, this record player, who the hell could that be?

Shake him out.

All right, I'm coming.

Can't even work out.

In peace.

Yes, please.

Hello, Larson.

I just wanted to ask you about the record player you bought today.

I'm gonna buy a new one myself.

I adore music.

It's my favorite pastime.

That in physical culture.

Well, now you saw it yourself.

Remember this morning?

Yes, now I remember.

Come on.

In a moment, I'd.

Love to.

That salesman was a real square.

I haven't seen anyone blush that.

Much in years.

Who knows?

Maybe you just had a bad conscience.

Today's businessman well, what kind of music would you like to hear?

Oh, I'll leave that to you.

All right.

You can't imagine what some kids are capable of.

Last week, a girl called here because she wanted my autograph.

I said okay.

She came up and the minute I faced the other way, she took off all her things.

Know what she wanted.

She wanna do dance for me.

So I put on a record of Salome.

Was she a sexy , boy.

The minute I saw you, I thought so near and yet so far.

Why not make friends?

Mind if I take this.

Off?

No, go right ahead.

With biceps like that, I bet you're as strong as a horse.

I'm as strong as a horse in every respect.

Singh is believing maria.

Larson, could I ride on you?

Okay.

My little horse woman.

Down, boy, giddy up.

Oh, like that.

Beautiful style in the.

Wild beast I'm going to.

Throw you.

You are a wild one, aren't you?

Yes.

I am.

And I'm about to tame you.

You won't be able to walk after this first lesson.

Seeing as believing.

Well, you asked for it.

Mm hmm.

I'm starting to get nervous starting to get excited.

And what have we?

Here?

My beautiful stallion.

Now it's your turn to ride me.

Yes, ma'am.

Thank you.

Nos, after sports, let's turn to the theater.

Here comes Romeo.

No matter get begone, I'll be with you straight.

Well, Juliet, I will lie with you tonight.

Let's see.

For means O mischief, thou art swift.

To enter in the thoughts of desperate men.

I do remember an apothecary and hereof outer dwells, which late I noted in tattered weeds with overwhelming brows calling of dimples, amigo were his looks sharp.

Misery had worn him to the bones.

And in his needy shop, a tortoise hung, an alligator stuffed and other skins of ill shaped fishes.

And about the shelves, a beggarly account of empty boxes, green earthen pots, bladders and musty seeds.

Remnants of pack thread were thinly scattered.

The showers of that kickstand were even worse than the hams.

So after that afternoon performance for school girls, Romeo preferred a bath at home.

Wait a minute.

I'm in that.

bath.

Oh, excuse me.

Could you give me your autograph, please?

Be very glad to forgive this.

Get up.

I was taking a bath.

What's your name?

I'm.

Christine.

I loved you as.

Romeo.

Well, that's a lovely name.

Pretty's Juliet.

Remember?

Oh, oh, okay.

About the milk, your island hills.

I wrote you something by oh, you like me?

Well, yes.

I mean ain't you a little bit too young for this sort of thing?

Oh, I bet you ain't even 14.

Yes, but that was centuries ago.

Yes, but.

Bye.

Why the hell don't you read the doorbell?

Oh, and I always thought you were nice.

Well, I'll be right back with the police.

You want you?

And because of her, it was a real scandal.

Let me tell you the funny story of a brat who seduced an English student before he had any inkling of what.

Was happening.

Love, Danny splendor thing.

Falling in love again.

Never wanted to.

Man, he gives me goose pimples.

He goes to college, but he doesn't seem interested in the facts of life.

What a dope.

I'm in the mood for love simply because you're near me.

Hello, Mr Peters, home already.

Have a nice day.

I suppose, sir.

You're a busy little.

Bee, aren't you?

Have to be.

Mama doesn't give me any pocket money if I'm not well.

Don't work.

Too hard.

Money is the root of all.

Evil.

I can think of things more evil than money, Mr Peters.

I'd like to discuss them with you sometime.

You'd be surprised.

What the hell is she talking about, this great creature?

I wonder if junior caught the hint.

Well, he who hesitates is lost.

I think I'll push my luck.

It's me, Alan.

Well, what's the matter?

I'd like to have that discussion.

Now.

Ellen, if you're thinking what I'm thinking, then stop thinking it.

And besides, I have a lot of theories I want to put into practice.

You're playing with .

You're.

Much too young.

How's this and this?

Bet I could teach you a thing or 2.

My precious.

If anybody found out, I'd be locked up.

And I hate prisons inside or out.

OK, go beat it.

Is there something wrong with you?

Don't you like women?

Visit a good psychiatrist.

A book on sex might do the trick.

Maybe one like the Kinsey report.

Ain't you got no feelings?

I like you.

Oh, cut that out, Ellen.

Why?

If you don't take the initiative, I will.

Now listen, Ellen, I study law.

You're underage.

I'm not.

I've got more to lose than my.

Virginity.

I've nothing to lose.

I see.

But nevertheless, I.

Just.

Because you're a couple years older than I am, you're afraid.

No, that's not it at all.

It's just that.

It's just that I'm not in the mood.

You're panic stricken.

Go.

A.

Be.

I'd like to tell you the story of a girl who was mad about hitchhiking.

Could you give me a lift?

Otherwise I get the school heavy.

Thanks, but close the door.

I don't want to lose you along the way.

This is a comfortable way to get to school in the morning, isn't it?

That depends on the car and the drive.

Satisfied today?

Suppose I answer that one a little later?

I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Oh, what time do your classes start in?

About an hour.

In an hour.

Look at that weather.

What do you say we stop somewhere and take a walk in the woods?

Why not?

As long as you get me to school on time.

I'd hate to play hooky again.

I'll get you there.

Just because I summer ride doesn't mean I like all the drums.

Well, what about me?

I think you're nice.

I just love convertible better than schools, eh?

Hello.

Now I guess you're thinking, here he comes with his sportsman again.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Take a second.

Hey, hey, wait.

Sing a second.

Sing a suck.

Hey, hey, hey.

Take a second.

Hate, speak hate.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

You guys come over here.

Come on, hurry up.

Look, are they going to like us when they find out we're watching, eh?

Ooh, that bad man.

He's gaining speed.

I wonder who's gonna reach the finish line first.

Looks like they're at the stretch.

After so much sports, why don't we make a night of it?

Well, I've got the time.

You got the money.

I've got some.

I got the money.

You got the girls.

No trouble there.

That's what you always say.

I know one who's enough for the 4 of us.

galore.

And where have you been keeping it?

Okay.

You'll have to provide appropriate specialty.

I'll bring the liquor.

The lady likes him stiff with the drinks.

I bet she's not gonna come.

Wait and see.

Maybe she will.

Oh, boys, fighters.

Here comes our fly.

What?

She look like a knockout, you ugly .

You haven't had a girl for so long.

You say Frankenstein's daughter was a knockout.

He wasn't kidding.

galore.

Greedy is a barn.

That's a new one.

Well, this is Judy.

Come on, say hello, boys.

How you, babe?

Oh, hi.

Would you like a drink?

I think you are a scotch.

One scotch coming up.

I'll make a double pardon.

A beer glass.

Here you are.

Thanks to expenditure.

Welcome to your health, gentlemen.

Chin.

Cheers.

Out of the hat, look at the way she gulps that down.

Judy does everything wholeheartedly.

Everything.

Not bad.

Well, what now?

Didn't anyone think of bringing music with a beat?

I'm not gonna dance to that.

Some beat coming up.

Ma'am, anything to please the little lady that Judy dance for them like you dance for me.

Please, Judy, dance for us.

Well, if you insist, give it to him.

Judy.

Man, she really turns me.

Off.

She's everything I told you, isn't.

She?

That remains to be seen.

You promised us more.

Be patient, my boy.

Good time, hey, Judy, take them off.

Jesus, man, what did I tell you.

Ain't those hot pants too hot?

Take him off.

Hunt and it's getting hot.

If you're good to all enjoy.

Each other.

Ooh, woo.

Boots dry.

I've had it.

That was great.

You were sensation.

Very good.

Prudence dance couldn't have been better.

In the middle ages, they would have burned a witch.

Like I would have jumped into the flames to save her.

And no, you pay for your supper.

Well, who's first come on, you.

Well, mm hmm.

Did it.

Oh, my god.

Ready?

I don't know.

Oh, my god.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Tell me, weren't you an active sportsman until just a few months back?

Which reminds me, weren't you on the legitimate stage before you came here?

Well, I admit I used to be a school teacher.

As for me, I've never owned a service station.

No, you were accustomed.

Gentlemen, please, don't tell me our Mary was a piano teacher.

And weren't you.

Once a painter?

How did you know?

Yes, I found some records in the archives that.

Thanks.

I'll be right up.

I'll be right back.

Stick.

Around.

Right.

And this is absolute power burn, like taking the work then.