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1
00:00:26,694 --> 00:00:27,826
(INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TV)
2
00:00:27,828 --> 00:00:30,529
What are all these here?
What are these ones?
3
00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:32,097
-Is it blue?
-I don't know.
4
00:00:32,099 --> 00:00:34,366
I'm trying to get sorted,
I'm trying to get organised.
5
00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:37,236
-What is that, a downer,
what is it?
-I don't know, is it labelled?
6
00:00:37,238 --> 00:00:40,806
-It's not labelled!
-Well, it's just, er...
7
00:00:41,108 --> 00:00:43,409
Mmm!
8
00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:46,345
(MUMBLING APPRECIATIVELY)
9
00:00:46,847 --> 00:00:48,113
(MUTTERING)
10
00:00:48,115 --> 00:00:50,049
The shit on TV.
Look at the shit...
11
00:00:50,051 --> 00:00:52,217
-Oh, what?
-Shit, look at that!
Katy Grin!
12
00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:55,854
People have been doingsome crazy things.
13
00:00:55,856 --> 00:01:00,159
(SHOUTS)
I can barely hearmyself think.
14
00:01:00,161 --> 00:01:01,326
(LAUGHS)
15
00:01:01,328 --> 00:01:01,660
(GASPS)
16
00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:05,064
There's been bathing
in baked beans,
sponsored beard shaving,
17
00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:11,070
and someone even hopped
all the way here tonight
with a cake on their head!
18
00:01:11,072 --> 00:01:13,005
Amazing! (LAUGHS)
19
00:01:13,007 --> 00:01:15,441
She looks like a gerbil
caught in the headlights.
20
00:01:15,443 --> 00:01:17,709
It's the face on
the mosquito before
it hits your windshield.
21
00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:25,551
And we've managed to raise
the grand total of £23.50 from
Denham's department store.
22
00:01:25,553 --> 00:01:28,087
Wowee!
Haven't we done well.
23
00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:34,293
So, oh, oh, yeah, see you
later in the studio,
around, um, 2 a.m.
24
00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:36,061
(CHUCKLES)
(YAWNS)
25
00:01:36,297 --> 00:01:38,630
Bye.
26
00:01:38,632 --> 00:01:39,798
(SIGHS)
27
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,334
Can you stop hopping now?
28
00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:43,635
That's why you don't want
to be a celebrity, Eddy.
29
00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:48,040
-I do. (MUMBLES)
-No, darling, you don't wanna
be one of those skinny bitches
30
00:01:48,042 --> 00:01:52,177
who sticks on two
patches of Elastoplast
and a bit of dental floss
31
00:01:52,179 --> 00:01:53,645
and calls it an outfit!
32
00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:56,782
You don't want to whap
your fanny out at a prem.
33
00:01:56,784 --> 00:02:01,353
-Or slither your tits out
in the back of a taxi...
-I do, darling.
34
00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:02,621
No, they're just trash,
sweetheart,
35
00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:05,624
they're just mag fillers,
they're just recycled vomit.
36
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:09,328
I mean, the whole thing,
it's just recycled smut.
37
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:10,262
They come back
again and again.
38
00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:14,299
They just recategorise,
stuff them up their arsehole,
vomit them out...
39
00:02:14,301 --> 00:02:20,606
You're not listening to me!
You're not listening to what
I'm trying to say to you!
40
00:02:21,575 --> 00:02:23,509
-If I was going to strip...
-No!
41
00:02:23,511 --> 00:02:25,744
Stop, stop, stop!
42
00:02:25,746 --> 00:02:27,646
If I was going to strip...
43
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:28,614
-No!
-Wait!
44
00:02:28,616 --> 00:02:30,749
(STUTTERS) I would have
to think about it very hard.
45
00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:34,153
I mean, I would do it
for the right reasons,
darling, I would.
46
00:02:34,155 --> 00:02:35,687
What are you talking about?
47
00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:37,256
-Going nude
for Cosmo, darling.
-No!
48
00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:42,094
Yes, darling.
Now they want celebrities
to go nude for Cosmo, darling.
49
00:02:42,096 --> 00:02:44,830
(NERVOUSLY)
It would be very tasteful.
I'd have control. Really.
50
00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:46,465
No, darling, there's
not enough Vaseline
in the world,
51
00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:50,102
there's not enough screw
on a camera lens,
to make that acceptable.
52
00:02:50,104 --> 00:02:52,771
Oh, stop it!
I just want to be famous!
53
00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:56,708
Oh, darling, you just want
someone to look
at you sometimes.
54
00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:58,310
I know. I just want them
to look at me...
55
00:02:58,312 --> 00:03:00,279
The person that I'm not,
you know, just once,
56
00:03:00,281 --> 00:03:03,215
before all the juice
gets out of the carton...
57
00:03:03,217 --> 00:03:06,051
(HIGH-PITCHED BEEPING)
58
00:03:08,022 --> 00:03:09,421
What was that?
59
00:03:09,423 --> 00:03:10,689
-(BEEPING CONTINUES)
-(MUMBLES)
60
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,324
What the hell is that?
61
00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:13,659
Oh, Eddy.
62
00:03:13,661 --> 00:03:15,127
Is it...
63
00:03:15,129 --> 00:03:16,461
Is it a bee?
64
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:20,999
-Um, Kasha?
-(STUTTERS) Yeah?
65
00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:23,402
-You're moving
your arms too much.
-Right.
66
00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:25,537
Do you really want it done
this rigidly?
67
00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,306
Yes. That's how I wrote it.
68
00:03:27,308 --> 00:03:28,640
SARAH: Ooh.
69
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:35,714
I quite admire you, actually.
70
00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:41,286
(BEEPING CONTINUES)
71
00:03:41,288 --> 00:03:44,122
Oh, where is it, Eddy,
where is it?
72
00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:48,727
-Is it a bee?
-I don't know.
73
00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:53,665
(WHISPERING) It's down there.
You go, you go, you go.
74
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,668
(BEEPING CONTINUES)
75
00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:58,570
-Where is it, darling?
-Find it, Eddy, Kill it!
76
00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:01,240
(WHIMPERING)
Eddy. Find it, kill it!
77
00:04:01,242 --> 00:04:03,108
-Kill it, kill it.
-Darling, we need more drink.
78
00:04:03,110 --> 00:04:06,111
Don't leave me here!
Don't leave me here!
79
00:04:09,316 --> 00:04:12,117
Darling, get the drink.
80
00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:14,553
(CLATTERING AND CLINKING)
81
00:04:14,555 --> 00:04:17,456
(BEEPING CONTINUES)
82
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:23,462
-Ah! It's on me.
It's here. It's on me.
-(GASPING)
83
00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:25,597
The bee's on me.
Darling, take it off me.
(SCREAMING)
84
00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:28,367
Oh, it's on me!
It's on me!
It's on me!
85
00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:28,734
Oh!
86
00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:32,371
-(BEEPING CONTINUES)
-(NERVOUSLY) What is it?
87
00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:43,048
Oh, it's a small shoe.
88
00:04:47,755 --> 00:04:50,255
It's my phone. It's my phone.
89
00:04:50,524 --> 00:04:54,359
-Phone? Hello? Hello?
-(STATIC CRACKLING)
90
00:04:54,361 --> 00:04:55,494
-It's crunching.
-Is it the heavy breather?
91
00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:59,197
-No, it's not heavy breather.
-Let me just...
Is it obscene?
92
00:04:59,300 --> 00:04:59,831
Is it your stalker?
93
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:01,733
The only way to deal with
a stalker is to cut off
his stalk.
94
00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:05,137
No, darling...
He's not my stalker.
I met my stalker.
95
00:05:05,139 --> 00:05:08,407
He'd got the wrong person.
He was very nice,
very apologetic.
96
00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:14,546
MAN: Mum! Mum! Listen to me.
97
00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:17,249
I have to get out of here.
98
00:05:17,584 --> 00:05:19,418
Help! Help.
99
00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:20,319
Is that Serge?
100
00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:21,219
Mum, are you listening?
101
00:05:21,221 --> 00:05:24,623
-Who?
-Serge, my son. Serge!
Is that Serge?
102
00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:26,224
-Mum!
-What?
103
00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:27,125
It's Serge, hello, darling.
104
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:29,561
It's Mama.
Mama's here, sweetheart!
Mama's here!
105
00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:31,096
Eddy! Darling, you're very
stoned, sweetheart,
106
00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:34,166
we're paranoid, you know,
just hallucinating.
107
00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:35,033
This is Serge. This is Serge.
108
00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:37,736
Hello, darling,
I'm coming, Mama's going
to help you, darling
109
00:05:37,738 --> 00:05:39,604
I'm going to call the police.
I'm going to call the police.
110
00:05:39,606 --> 00:05:44,009
Not the police! Not the filth!
Not the pigs! Not the porkies!
111
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:48,013
I've got to help him.
112
00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:50,349
I'm changing my agent.
113
00:05:50,351 --> 00:05:51,550
Oh, really? Why?
114
00:05:51,552 --> 00:05:53,385
He pigeonholed me.
115
00:05:53,387 --> 00:05:55,287
(STUTTERS) What as?
116
00:05:55,823 --> 00:05:57,756
Uncastable.
117
00:06:02,763 --> 00:06:07,032
Um, Saffy,
can I give you a lift?
I've got my car.
118
00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:07,766
Maybe go for a drink.
119
00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:10,635
No, thank you,
I've got my bicycle.
120
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,170
(MOUTHING)
121
00:06:15,109 --> 00:06:17,609
-Ooh!
-Shut it!
122
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:22,514
(MUMBLING ANXIOUSLY)
123
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:42,501
-What's going on?
-(SCREAMING) Oh!
124
00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:45,237
I'm a registered addict.
Oh, it's you.
125
00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:46,405
Where's Mum?
126
00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:50,542
(PANTING) She's downstairs,
with the squeaky shoes,
she's with the Mets,
127
00:06:50,544 --> 00:06:52,344
you know, the fuzz,
the pigs, the porkers,
128
00:06:52,346 --> 00:06:54,413
our friends with
the talking brooches.
129
00:06:54,415 --> 00:06:57,115
The police?
Oh, what's happened?
130
00:06:57,785 --> 00:07:00,185
(WHISPERING) Downstairs...
131
00:07:01,321 --> 00:07:03,722
He rang me on that phone.
My son.
132
00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:05,957
You've obviously
had a night of it.
133
00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:07,426
I've had one drink.
134
00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:10,061
-What's happened, Mum?
-Oh, darling,
thank God you're here.
135
00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:13,465
-Tell them
I'm not mad, sweetheart.
-What is it?
136
00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:18,170
Your mother seems to be under
the impression that your
brother has been kidnapped.
137
00:07:18,172 --> 00:07:19,337
He has been kidnapped!
Has been.
138
00:07:19,339 --> 00:07:23,341
She received a call
from him in which
he was pleading for help.
139
00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:24,576
What?
140
00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:25,610
Yes.
141
00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:27,145
-Serge?
-Yes, Serge, darling...
142
00:07:27,147 --> 00:07:30,182
Do you have any idea of
your brother's whereabouts?
143
00:07:30,184 --> 00:07:31,016
Your mother didn't seem to.
144
00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:36,521
Just because he doesn't ring
every half hour doesn't mean
he doesn't live, love...
145
00:07:36,523 --> 00:07:39,324
Love me. Darling, where is he?
Where is he, darling?
146
00:07:39,326 --> 00:07:44,362
He's at the bottom of
the Atlantic in a submarine
studying plate movements.
147
00:07:44,364 --> 00:07:47,299
-What plates? What plates?
-Listen...
148
00:07:47,301 --> 00:07:48,200
We're very busy.
149
00:07:48,202 --> 00:07:52,304
Why don't you just call us
if you hear any more.
We'll see ourselves out.
150
00:07:52,306 --> 00:07:54,105
What you got
a night shoot on The Bill?
151
00:07:54,107 --> 00:07:55,707
What's the matter with you?
152
00:07:56,577 --> 00:07:58,743
Honestly, darling,
he rang me, sweetheart.
153
00:07:58,745 --> 00:08:01,980
Well, why don't you check
the last received call?
154
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:05,083
Last received call...
Last received call...
155
00:08:07,221 --> 00:08:10,155
You didn't flush everything,
did you, darling?
156
00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:20,198
Look at this.
Look at this, darling.
157
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:23,235
That's not a number
I recognise. Let's see.
158
00:08:23,237 --> 00:08:24,603
(MOBILE RINGS)
159
00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:31,042
(MOBILE RINGS LOUDER)
160
00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:31,510
Is that your...
161
00:08:31,512 --> 00:08:34,312
Oh, I think my phone
must have gone off by mistake.
162
00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:38,617
But, I heard... I heard Serge.
Were you with Serge?
163
00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:41,620
I think you must have
heard my rehearsals.
164
00:08:44,291 --> 00:08:45,657
I heard Ser...
165
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:48,693
(NERVOUSLY)
I've written a play.
166
00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:51,363
-What?
-A play. It's, um...
167
00:08:51,365 --> 00:08:58,803
It's about my life and it was
a scene someone playing
Serge rehearsing.
168
00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:06,177
(GASPS) Am I in it?
Am I? Am I?
169
00:09:06,179 --> 00:09:06,578
Yes!
170
00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:08,480
(GASPS) You've written
a play about me?
171
00:09:08,482 --> 00:09:09,214
No. It's about me.
172
00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:12,250
Darling, someone's
doing it! You're doing
a play about me...
173
00:09:12,252 --> 00:09:13,285
Let's talk about
this in the morning.
174
00:09:13,287 --> 00:09:17,689
Darling, you've written
a play about me? Oh, God...
(MUMBLES)
175
00:09:22,763 --> 00:09:24,396
(SCREAMING) Why?
176
00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:27,465
You little piece
of dribble piss.
177
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:30,135
Mum...
178
00:09:30,137 --> 00:09:33,104
It's only on for a week
in a very small venue.
179
00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:33,772
What are you worried about?
180
00:09:33,774 --> 00:09:36,608
Because, darling,
I know the kind of little
play you will have written.
181
00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:40,612
It'll make MommieDearest look like Winniethe-Bloody-Pooh, won't it?
182
00:09:40,614 --> 00:09:43,214
It will be the truth.
Is that what you
find threatening?
183
00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:48,019
Your truth!
Your twisted little
arse-wipe truth.
184
00:09:48,655 --> 00:09:50,221
You'll have to stop it.
185
00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:52,691
No. No, I won't.
186
00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:53,992
And do you know why?
187
00:09:53,994 --> 00:09:55,493
Because I need to do this.
188
00:09:55,495 --> 00:09:56,695
I need to drag
the poison from me.
189
00:09:56,697 --> 00:10:01,499
I need to get it out
of my chest where it
has sat for all these years.
190
00:10:01,501 --> 00:10:03,134
To shout it openly.
191
00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:04,502
(BOTH MOCKING)
192
00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:10,442
I mean, for Christ's sake,
darling, you're 20...
193
00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:16,014
Why can't you just move on?
Move on.
194
00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:17,749
You should have
had her adopted.
195
00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:18,483
I wish you had.
196
00:10:18,485 --> 00:10:20,685
You tried to
and I wish you had.
197
00:10:20,687 --> 00:10:23,321
I used to dream
of lovely families.
198
00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:24,089
You had a family!
199
00:10:24,091 --> 00:10:27,525
I live with you
and that piece of flint!
200
00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:30,362
You dragged me up!
201
00:10:30,364 --> 00:10:33,131
I glimpsed into worlds
I should have known
nothing about,
202
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:36,568
worlds with no morals
and no responsibilities.
203
00:10:36,570 --> 00:10:37,302
And not just glimpsed,
204
00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:41,473
you took my face with
your four hands and pushed it
up against the window!
205
00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:44,142
We should have
pushed it through.
206
00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:47,245
I've got morals!
207
00:10:47,247 --> 00:10:48,380
How can you say that?
208
00:10:48,382 --> 00:10:51,416
You burnt and scarred
my best friend!
209
00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:53,652
-Who?
-Titicaca.
210
00:10:53,654 --> 00:10:54,853
Oh.
211
00:10:55,522 --> 00:10:56,421
Her name is Sarah.
212
00:10:56,423 --> 00:11:02,460
Darling, she was standing
with her little pigtails
too close to a candle!
213
00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:04,095
Act of God.
214
00:11:04,598 --> 00:11:06,231
You were holding the candle.
215
00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:09,434
Christ!
She got a therapist
on insurance!
216
00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:11,703
For God's sake, I am not going
to feel guilty about this!
217
00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:14,139
No, because to do that
you'd have to go
beneath the surface,
218
00:11:14,141 --> 00:11:17,208
and I don't think there's
a drill strong enough
to crack that crust!
219
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:19,377
God, you are so ungrateful.
You are so ungrateful!
220
00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:23,415
There are...
Some people, you know,
think I'm pretty great.
221
00:11:24,117 --> 00:11:25,617
(WHISPERING)
Pats?
222
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:29,521
Stop this now, Eddy.
It's just not important.
223
00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:30,755
Oh, yeah, no, no,
it's not important.
224
00:11:30,757 --> 00:11:35,060
Not as important as
considering the future
of the structured handbag,
225
00:11:35,062 --> 00:11:37,362
or swing macs
or pom-pom sweaters.
226
00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:38,363
Not important
to a woman whose job
227
00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:42,167
is to invent random adjectives
for pointless clothing!
228
00:11:42,169 --> 00:11:43,735
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
229
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:49,340
You had everything!
230
00:11:49,810 --> 00:11:53,311
You had everything
I never had.
231
00:11:55,248 --> 00:11:57,182
No. You took it.
232
00:11:57,184 --> 00:11:59,084
I was always alone.
233
00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:00,552
Mum never took me on holiday!
234
00:12:00,554 --> 00:12:01,352
-I did!
-Prove it!
235
00:12:01,354 --> 00:12:04,022
Where are the photos?
Where are any photos of me?
236
00:12:04,024 --> 00:12:07,092
Well, we didn't have
cameras in those days!
237
00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:12,630
God! Honestly! Why do you
always want proof?
You always want proof!
238
00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:16,301
Eddy, we took her to the park!
239
00:12:16,303 --> 00:12:18,403
Yes, we took you to the park.
240
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:21,573
# Don't you everStop being dandy
241
00:12:21,575 --> 00:12:23,074
# Showing me you're handsome
242
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:26,644
# Don't you everDon't you ever
243
00:12:26,646 --> 00:12:28,046
# Stop being dandy
244
00:12:28,048 --> 00:12:29,347
# Showing me you're handsome
245
00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:32,417
# Prince CharmingPrince Charming
246
00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:36,054
# Ridicule is nothingto be scared of
247
00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:39,324
# Don't you everDon't you ever
248
00:12:39,326 --> 00:12:40,492
# Stop being dandy...
249
00:12:40,494 --> 00:12:42,727
PATSY: Eddy, look, Eddy.
250
00:12:45,332 --> 00:12:49,567
# Don't you everDon't you ever... #
251
00:12:49,703 --> 00:12:52,036
It comes back.
252
00:12:58,712 --> 00:13:02,213
My life is like
a constant winter.
253
00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:04,415
Yeah, well, she never thawed,
did she?
254
00:13:04,417 --> 00:13:07,018
No, rigor mortis set in
during puberty.
255
00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:09,053
Yes, she's so cold,
256
00:13:09,055 --> 00:13:11,222
I bet she has
her periods in cubes.
257
00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:12,690
(LAUGHS)
258
00:13:13,527 --> 00:13:17,295
Mum, I am not doing this
because I hate you.
I only want to be loved.
259
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:20,632
Well, darling, so do I,
sweetheart.
260
00:13:20,634 --> 00:13:21,800
There you are, Patsy.
261
00:13:21,802 --> 00:13:23,568
I wonder if you could help me.
262
00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:25,403
I need a strong pair of hands.
263
00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:28,106
I've got a wardrobe
stuck on the stairs.
264
00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:28,773
Oh, sure, Mrs M.
265
00:13:28,775 --> 00:13:33,044
Oh, thank you, dear.
I'm giving it to sheltered
housing.
266
00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:37,015
-Sweetheart, you know
Mama loved you, darling.
-Mum...
267
00:13:37,017 --> 00:13:38,783
You were never here.
268
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:41,386
Well, I got you a nanny.
269
00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:45,323
No. I always had
to look after myself.
270
00:13:45,425 --> 00:13:49,093
You've done
a very good job, darling.
271
00:13:49,396 --> 00:13:51,329
Oh, darling!
272
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:54,299
Darling, will you answer Mama
a question, darling?
273
00:13:54,301 --> 00:13:56,134
A very serious
question, darling.
274
00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:59,070
And I want you to be honest
with me, all right?
275
00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:03,741
Even though you think it might
hurt me, you've got to say,
all right?
276
00:14:03,743 --> 00:14:05,410
Darling?
277
00:14:05,612 --> 00:14:08,780
How fat is the woman
playing me?
278
00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:14,352
Mum...
279
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:14,719
(SNIFFLES)
280
00:14:14,721 --> 00:14:20,091
In this whole world
there will never be
anyone as fat as you!
281
00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:28,233
(DOORBELL RINGS)
282
00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:31,102
-Hello, Dad.
-Darling.
283
00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:33,238
-Come in.
-Thanks, thanks.
284
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:36,341
-Um, Dad, Mum knows.
-Yeah.
285
00:14:36,343 --> 00:14:37,542
Oh, my God!
286
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:38,509
How? When?
287
00:14:38,511 --> 00:14:41,079
-I mean, I shouldn't be here.
-No, please, Dad.
It's all right.
288
00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:43,114
No, no, cancel everything.
I'll pay the actors.
289
00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:46,584
Please, I really need
your support on this.
290
00:14:47,621 --> 00:14:49,254
Okay.
291
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:00,965
Justin.
292
00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:03,468
Pats.
293
00:15:04,671 --> 00:15:07,305
And I don't know
anything about it.
294
00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:10,775
Oh, no, Gran, Mum knows now.
295
00:15:11,278 --> 00:15:13,177
Knows what, dear?
296
00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:16,481
About the play.
297
00:15:16,483 --> 00:15:18,249
What play, dear?
298
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:21,486
Oh, Dad, stop worrying.
There's nothing she can do.
It'll be all right.
299
00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:24,255
I'm sure she's not as bad
as you make out.
300
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:26,591
Why don't you just cut
some of the scenes?
301
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:29,527
-No, Dad.
-I'll give you some money.
302
00:15:29,663 --> 00:15:31,229
We've got to kill this play.
303
00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:33,631
Come on, how would I
normally ensure a flop?
304
00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:34,666
Promote it.
305
00:15:34,668 --> 00:15:36,367
Why bother, Eddy?
Look, it's only theatre.
306
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:40,138
It's only rows of people
sitting in the dark
facing in the same direction
307
00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:41,739
not enjoying themselves,
darling.
308
00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:42,640
It's just not important.
309
00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:43,741
Ooh! You'll have
to write something.
310
00:15:43,743 --> 00:15:47,245
Write something
in the papers about her.
Come on, darling.
311
00:15:47,247 --> 00:15:48,246
You know, do the dirty.
312
00:15:48,248 --> 00:15:50,548
You must have an article
in you somewhere.
313
00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:51,482
Several, I should imagine.
314
00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:54,319
No, no, no!
I'm going to go on Ricki Lake,
315
00:15:54,321 --> 00:15:54,819
Montel, Trisha.
316
00:15:54,821 --> 00:15:57,655
Think of titles,
think of titles,
think of titles!
317
00:15:57,657 --> 00:16:01,159
"I left my husband
for a kidney bean.
318
00:16:01,528 --> 00:16:04,295
"And now he wants it back?"
319
00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:06,731
BUBBLE: Oh! Ooh!
320
00:16:07,968 --> 00:16:09,067
EDINA: Read it, read it.
321
00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:11,336
-What do you want?
-Be kind, Saff.
322
00:16:11,338 --> 00:16:13,338
-Sorry.
-I bring you an ulti...
323
00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:15,707
-"Matimum"? Oh, "matum"!
-"Matum."
324
00:16:15,709 --> 00:16:16,374
From your mother.
325
00:16:16,376 --> 00:16:20,611
You must cancel the play
or she will be forced
to spread bad word
326
00:16:20,613 --> 00:16:22,513
and, eh, go on Ricki Lake.
327
00:16:22,515 --> 00:16:26,517
Or similar to do
"I left my husband
for a kidney..."
328
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:28,252
No! The other one.
329
00:16:28,254 --> 00:16:31,089
To do "Dirty daughter
did the devious on me
330
00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:32,357
"and stabbed me
in the throat."
331
00:16:32,359 --> 00:16:38,162
She will show no mercy
in the defecation
of your character.
332
00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:42,166
-Mum! Come here.
-JUSTIN: Oh, no.
333
00:16:42,635 --> 00:16:43,434
Stupid, stupid girl!
334
00:16:43,436 --> 00:16:44,635
I will do that,
you know. I will do that.
335
00:16:44,637 --> 00:16:48,139
Well, it opens tonight,
so I think you'd be
a little late.
336
00:16:48,141 --> 00:16:49,374
Oh, shit!
337
00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:52,677
Is he in it? Is he in it,
darling? I hope you've
put him in it.
338
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:53,778
I could tell you
a few stories about him.
339
00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:57,148
Being married to him was like
being married to an antique
shop, darling,
340
00:16:57,150 --> 00:17:00,084
full of crap
and always closed!
341
00:17:00,086 --> 00:17:00,752
Old wood, aren't you?
342
00:17:00,754 --> 00:17:03,388
-Dad?
-No, whatever you're thinking,
Saff, don't go there.
343
00:17:03,390 --> 00:17:06,224
No, no. Show Mum
the photo you have
of me in your wallet.
344
00:17:06,226 --> 00:17:09,060
(MOCKING) "Show me the photo
you've got in your wallet."
345
00:17:09,062 --> 00:17:11,095
(MUMBLING)
346
00:17:11,097 --> 00:17:13,498
What is this, darling?
Is that little Saffy?
347
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:16,034
-Is that little Saffy?
-Oh, for God's sake,
348
00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:18,369
it's only a play!
I'm sorry, Saff.
349
00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:19,537
You don't even go
to the theatre.
350
00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:21,239
You don't know anybody
that goes to the theatre.
351
00:17:21,241 --> 00:17:25,510
-It's not going to touch
your life at all!
-Oh, shut up!
352
00:17:25,512 --> 00:17:27,111
(SOBBING)
353
00:17:27,113 --> 00:17:28,713
-Stop it!
-Can I go?
354
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:29,714
No, you can't go.
355
00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,783
-Stay.
-But I'm being picked up.
356
00:17:31,785 --> 00:17:32,784
Oh, this better be good.
357
00:17:32,786 --> 00:17:38,222
Black matter is dragging us
towards eternal dalmatian.
358
00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:41,426
And before long
we will be cloned
and turned into sheep.
359
00:17:41,428 --> 00:17:44,662
So to avoid this fate,
I am being picked up
by a spaceship
360
00:17:44,664 --> 00:17:46,998
that's hidden in the tail
of an approaching comet.
361
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,367
-(DOORBELL BUZZING)
-That'll be them, buzzing now.
362
00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:50,468
Don't be so stupid.
363
00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:53,171
Have you got
a purple tablecloth
and gym shoes?
364
00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:55,039
-No.
-Then stay, you're staying.
365
00:17:55,041 --> 00:17:57,208
-Hi, hi, hi.
-EDINA: Oh, great.
366
00:17:57,610 --> 00:17:59,777
Don't be scared, it's only us.
367
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:01,379
Shalom.
368
00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:04,415
Full horror movie cast list
now, isn't it?
369
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:05,683
Just ignore her, ignore her.
370
00:18:05,685 --> 00:18:06,751
What happened to you?
371
00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:08,286
Oh! Marshall is a rabbi now.
372
00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:12,290
We thought if Steven Seagal
can be a lama, what the hell!
373
00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:15,660
Abundance, holiness
and purity to you.
374
00:18:15,662 --> 00:18:16,494
Well sung, honey.
375
00:18:16,496 --> 00:18:18,629
-Please, sit down.
-Oh! Thank you.
376
00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:20,698
Have you come to see the play?
377
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:22,333
Play, what play?
378
00:18:22,335 --> 00:18:24,035
We don't see plays.
We only see movies.
379
00:18:24,037 --> 00:18:27,538
-It's all right. Mum knows
now. Please! Have a drink.
-Oh, thank you.
380
00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:31,476
This isn't a party, darling!
This is hell!
381
00:18:32,378 --> 00:18:33,711
I'm sensing tension.
382
00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:35,346
Leave it, Bo.
383
00:18:35,348 --> 00:18:38,116
Listen, a guest for a while
can see for a mile,
384
00:18:38,118 --> 00:18:40,518
as Rabbi Yunni Yardeni
said on Letterman.
385
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:45,089
Come on! Hand over
the red thread. There
is healing to be done.
386
00:18:45,091 --> 00:18:46,791
Well, you better be careful.
This is expensive stuff!
387
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:50,995
Oh, don't be stupid,
I bought it wholesale
at the fabric store.
388
00:18:50,997 --> 00:18:52,063
-Huh.
-Hi!
389
00:18:52,065 --> 00:18:54,398
Hi! Shed your evil shell.
390
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:54,799
Shed your...
391
00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:58,536
You don't have
an evil shell, do you?
You're precious.
392
00:18:58,538 --> 00:18:59,003
Okay.
393
00:18:59,005 --> 00:19:02,206
Ooh, there's some evil in you.
Don't try to lie.
394
00:19:02,208 --> 00:19:05,476
-Exciting.
-More thread over here.
395
00:19:06,513 --> 00:19:09,380
Oh, God, all eyes on me.
396
00:19:09,382 --> 00:19:10,581
It's what you
always wanted, Eddy.
397
00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:14,552
Yesterday, you were
going centre spread,
full tit and minge.
398
00:19:14,554 --> 00:19:17,555
No, darling, that would have
been airbrushed, wouldn't it?
399
00:19:17,557 --> 00:19:21,225
I'd have control over that.
This is just going to be...
400
00:19:21,227 --> 00:19:23,361
-Raw meat.
-Yeah.
401
00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:24,262
Porn.
402
00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:27,598
Oh, darling, we don't care
what people think about us.
403
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:30,468
# Ridicule is nothingto be scared of
404
00:19:30,470 --> 00:19:31,302
# Prince Charming
405
00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:32,436
-Come on, darling.
# Prince Charming
406
00:19:32,438 --> 00:19:38,075
-Do it, Eddy.
# Ridicule is nothingto be scared of #
407
00:19:38,077 --> 00:19:40,077
I've found an eye.
408
00:19:40,079 --> 00:19:41,412
Now I need a mouth.
409
00:19:41,414 --> 00:19:43,548
-How cute!
-A mouth!
410
00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:45,550
Take my mother-in-law, please.
411
00:19:45,552 --> 00:19:49,520
Marshall, you're a rabbi,
not Jackie Mason.
412
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,289
He gets so confused.
413
00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:52,990
Why are you doing this?
414
00:19:52,992 --> 00:19:53,424
The Kabbalah.
415
00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:55,693
In Los Angeles, the Kabbalah
groups have the best parties,
416
00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:58,796
all the big stars are there
and a couple of Jews.
417
00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:00,698
You know, we've had
to sacrifice so much.
418
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:03,167
We can no longer
smell our fingers
after we eat.
419
00:20:03,169 --> 00:20:08,673
We can only have sex
once a month through
a tiny little hole in a sheet.
420
00:20:08,675 --> 00:20:13,044
I should imagine
that's quite a relief for you.
421
00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:18,416
You did bring the sheet,
didn't you, hon?
422
00:20:18,418 --> 00:20:19,817
-Saff, I have to go.
-Okay, Dad.
423
00:20:19,819 --> 00:20:22,787
-You will be there?
-Yes, yes, of course!
424
00:20:22,789 --> 00:20:24,455
Gesundheit. (CHUCKLES)
425
00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:27,692
See, I'm nearly
fluent in Hebrew.
426
00:20:27,694 --> 00:20:31,062
No, Bo,
you just bring up phlegm.
427
00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:33,297
All I need is an ear.
428
00:20:33,299 --> 00:20:35,800
God, this wig is so hot.
429
00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:37,268
It cost me a fortune.
430
00:20:37,270 --> 00:20:40,304
It's one of Barbra Streisand's
old wigs.
431
00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:43,207
Papa, can you hear me?
432
00:20:45,144 --> 00:20:47,378
Barbra's here. Barbra's here.
433
00:20:47,380 --> 00:20:49,714
Papa, can you see me?
434
00:20:49,716 --> 00:20:52,850
People,
people who need people.
435
00:20:55,154 --> 00:20:57,388
Let's get physical...
That's Olivia.
436
00:20:57,390 --> 00:20:58,823
Barbra?
437
00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:00,791
Will you be able
to last the play, Marshall?
438
00:21:00,793 --> 00:21:03,361
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-And what time is kick-off?
439
00:21:03,363 --> 00:21:05,129
Oh! It's a play, Gran.
Curtain up.
440
00:21:05,131 --> 00:21:07,632
Oh, I will, dear.
Is it chilly out?
441
00:21:07,634 --> 00:21:10,534
Marshall has coped
with everything
except the Jewish food.
442
00:21:10,536 --> 00:21:14,138
Yesterday, he had diarrhoea
so bad, he almost laid
his own kidneys.
443
00:21:14,140 --> 00:21:17,141
-Bo!
-It's true. Okay, let's go.
444
00:21:17,143 --> 00:21:18,776
I'll be with you in a minute.
445
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:20,278
Okay.
446
00:21:25,318 --> 00:21:30,254
Mum, I think you should come.
Here's a ticket.
447
00:21:37,463 --> 00:21:40,631
God, why have so many people
got to go in tonight?
448
00:21:40,633 --> 00:21:41,799
I haven't seen a face go in.
449
00:21:41,801 --> 00:21:42,667
Yeah, but that means nothing.
450
00:21:42,669 --> 00:21:45,836
People who matter
don't have to have a face.
451
00:21:45,838 --> 00:21:47,705
-Is she here?
-No, no. Not yet.
452
00:21:47,707 --> 00:21:52,209
Oh, you look great, Saff.
You don't look so good.
453
00:21:52,378 --> 00:21:53,544
She won't come.
454
00:21:53,546 --> 00:21:55,179
Anyway, I don't care
either way.
455
00:21:55,181 --> 00:21:57,448
Oh! I thought I was late.
Are you okay?
456
00:21:57,450 --> 00:22:00,351
Yes, I'm fine. I wish everyone
would stop saying that.
457
00:22:00,353 --> 00:22:02,153
MARSHALL: You look great.
458
00:22:02,155 --> 00:22:03,754
-Have a swig?
-No, thank you.
459
00:22:03,756 --> 00:22:05,723
-Have one.
-No.
460
00:22:06,259 --> 00:22:07,024
(BELL RINGS)
461
00:22:07,026 --> 00:22:08,526
Great! Come on!
Let's go. Quick.
462
00:22:08,528 --> 00:22:11,228
-This is it, is it?
-JUSTIN: Good luck.
463
00:22:11,230 --> 00:22:12,330
Feels like I'm watching
my own funeral.
464
00:22:12,332 --> 00:22:16,334
Oh, darling. The snivelling
little bitch has written
a piece of shit. That's all.
465
00:22:16,336 --> 00:22:17,768
It's not you.
It's vomit, it's bilge...
466
00:22:17,770 --> 00:22:19,737
Yeah, what if it isn't?
What if it's great?
467
00:22:19,739 --> 00:22:21,539
Darling, it'll be flap-snot.
Let's go.
468
00:22:21,541 --> 00:22:25,743
Come on. Let's just go
watch that little bit
of flap-snot.
469
00:22:28,181 --> 00:22:30,348
I'm so nervous.
470
00:22:35,688 --> 00:22:36,721
I'm sorry, there's no smoking.
471
00:22:36,723 --> 00:22:38,022
-Oh, don't be so stupid!
-I'm sorry.
472
00:22:38,024 --> 00:22:41,292
-Don't be so bloody stupid!
-I'm sorry...
473
00:22:43,096 --> 00:22:46,630
Move up, please.
Excuse me, excuse me.
474
00:22:46,699 --> 00:22:47,264
(SHUSHING)
475
00:22:47,266 --> 00:22:49,300
What are you doing here?
What are you doing here?
476
00:22:49,302 --> 00:22:51,235
I don't know.
477
00:22:51,604 --> 00:22:54,205
(WHISPERING) Saff! Saff!
478
00:22:55,742 --> 00:22:57,708
(EXHALES LOUDLY)
479
00:22:59,379 --> 00:23:02,380
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
480
00:23:03,216 --> 00:23:07,084
This is a story
of a self-raising flower.
481
00:23:07,086 --> 00:23:08,519
Oh, shut up!
482
00:23:09,389 --> 00:23:10,421
I am that flower.
483
00:23:10,423 --> 00:23:15,493
I need to get it out
of my chest where it has sat
there for all these years.
484
00:23:15,495 --> 00:23:17,795
I need to shout it openly.
485
00:23:17,797 --> 00:23:19,497
Piss off!
486
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,534
This is my story.
487
00:23:26,339 --> 00:23:28,005
WOMAN: Saffy!
488
00:23:28,574 --> 00:23:30,074
Saff!
489
00:23:33,413 --> 00:23:34,645
Shit, Eddy!
490
00:23:34,647 --> 00:23:38,015
Look at me, look at me,
look at Mama.
491
00:23:38,017 --> 00:23:39,683
Do you think I'm fat?
492
00:23:39,685 --> 00:23:41,585
STAGE SAFFY:
I don't know what to say.
493
00:23:41,587 --> 00:23:47,291
STAGE EDINA: Can you just try
and be more Western in
your thinking, darling?
494
00:23:47,293 --> 00:23:49,260
She had tried every fad diet
495
00:23:49,262 --> 00:23:52,163
and every fad drug
that has ever existed
496
00:23:52,165 --> 00:23:57,034
and still somehow she remains
two stone overweight.
497
00:23:57,036 --> 00:23:58,269
(STAGE EDINA GASPS)
498
00:23:58,271 --> 00:24:00,504
-One stone!
-One stone!
499
00:24:02,475 --> 00:24:07,278
I was dragged up by my mother
and a piece of flint.
500
00:24:10,783 --> 00:24:13,751
Oh, you little bitch troll
from hell.
501
00:24:13,753 --> 00:24:15,186
You miserable piece of filth.
502
00:24:15,188 --> 00:24:19,356
You know, when Ed said
she was pregnant,
I told her to abort.
503
00:24:19,358 --> 00:24:20,724
Abort, abort, abort, I said.
504
00:24:20,726 --> 00:24:24,094
Chuck it down the pan
and bring me a...
505
00:24:24,096 --> 00:24:25,062
Knitting needle?
506
00:24:25,064 --> 00:24:27,331
BOTH: A knitting needle!
507
00:24:30,102 --> 00:24:31,735
I'm good, Eddy.
508
00:24:32,138 --> 00:24:34,371
You are my son, my son!
509
00:24:34,373 --> 00:24:36,640
-I'm going far, far away.
-No!
510
00:24:36,642 --> 00:24:40,778
To the bottom
of the Atlantic Ocean
or the South Pole.
511
00:24:40,780 --> 00:24:43,614
Cut the umbilical cord, Mum!
512
00:24:43,616 --> 00:24:45,416
-I have to go.
-(SOBS)
513
00:24:45,418 --> 00:24:49,787
Oh. (SOBBING) No! No!
514
00:24:49,789 --> 00:24:53,190
I just need a few little
crutches to help me
through life, sweetie.
515
00:24:53,192 --> 00:24:57,728
-You have absolved yourself
of responsibility.
-(SARAH WHISPERING)
516
00:24:57,730 --> 00:25:00,998
You live from
self-induced crisis
to self-induced crisis!
517
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:02,399
Someone chooses what you wear
and what you eat,
518
00:25:02,401 --> 00:25:05,369
and then three times a week
someone sticks a hose
up your bum
519
00:25:05,371 --> 00:25:08,105
and flushes it
all out for you.
520
00:25:09,075 --> 00:25:12,076
I did tell you
the facts of life,
didn't I, sweetie?
521
00:25:12,078 --> 00:25:14,111
If you mean the time
that you sat on my bed
522
00:25:14,113 --> 00:25:16,247
and shook me awake
at 2:00 in the morning,
523
00:25:16,249 --> 00:25:19,149
and then, stoned
out of your brain,
slurred into my ear,
524
00:25:19,151 --> 00:25:22,520
"Oh, by the way, sweetie,
people have it off."
525
00:25:22,522 --> 00:25:23,387
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
526
00:25:23,389 --> 00:25:25,389
Then, yes, you told me
the facts of life.
527
00:25:25,391 --> 00:25:30,094
Good. Well, any little gaps
you want me to fill you in on,
just let me know.
528
00:25:30,096 --> 00:25:31,629
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
529
00:25:31,631 --> 00:25:35,032
I knew it was a comedy.
Go for it, kids.
530
00:25:36,202 --> 00:25:38,235
What was my birth like?
531
00:25:38,437 --> 00:25:39,203
STAGE EDINA: Your birth?
532
00:25:39,205 --> 00:25:44,041
From the moment
you were born,
I knew I wanted you.
533
00:25:44,043 --> 00:25:46,076
However, the day after...
534
00:25:46,078 --> 00:25:48,045
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
535
00:25:48,214 --> 00:25:51,382
What a terrible lot
they are, dear.
536
00:25:51,384 --> 00:25:52,683
It reminds me of home.
537
00:25:52,685 --> 00:25:56,787
The tits are bigger
than mine, Eddy,
but otherwise she's fantastic.
538
00:25:56,789 --> 00:25:59,156
You never gave me anything!
539
00:25:59,158 --> 00:26:01,458
I gave you that hamster!
540
00:26:02,295 --> 00:26:03,627
You mean kitten.
541
00:26:03,629 --> 00:26:06,530
Whatever happened
to my kitten?
542
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:11,135
I live a sentence unapproved,
543
00:26:11,137 --> 00:26:13,637
but not overruled by heaven.
544
00:26:13,639 --> 00:26:15,205
(BOTTLE CORK POPS)
545
00:26:15,207 --> 00:26:17,641
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
546
00:26:17,643 --> 00:26:20,077
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
547
00:26:29,422 --> 00:26:31,722
Oh, go on. Go on, Eddy.
548
00:26:40,733 --> 00:26:42,399
(INAUDIBLE)
549
00:26:52,445 --> 00:26:53,677
EDINA: Saff?
550
00:26:53,679 --> 00:26:55,279
Saff, sweetheart?
551
00:26:55,281 --> 00:26:57,514
Darling, it's Mama.
552
00:26:57,683 --> 00:27:00,250
Darling? Darling?
553
00:27:00,252 --> 00:27:01,485
(MEOWING)
554
00:27:01,487 --> 00:27:03,187
-Stop it, Mum.
-It's not me, darling.
555
00:27:03,189 --> 00:27:06,457
-It's not me, sweetheart.
Look, darling.
-Stop it.
556
00:27:08,027 --> 00:27:09,426
-It's for you, darling.
-Oh.
557
00:27:09,428 --> 00:27:11,662
-All right. There you go.
-Thanks, Mum.
558
00:27:11,664 --> 00:27:14,231
Don't want to smudge my lips.
559
00:27:15,434 --> 00:27:18,769
-It's not the same kitten,
you know.
-I know.
560
00:27:20,206 --> 00:27:20,537
(MEWS)
561
00:27:20,539 --> 00:27:22,172
Thought your play
was good, darling.
562
00:27:22,174 --> 00:27:24,341
-Yeah. Yeah.
-No, it wasn't.
563
00:27:24,343 --> 00:27:26,777
What an imagination
you've got.
564
00:27:29,582 --> 00:27:31,982
Thought it was good acting.
565
00:27:31,984 --> 00:27:33,250
Anyway, I've got to go,
darling, 'cause Pats and I
566
00:27:33,252 --> 00:27:36,420
are having lunch with
the people that played us.
So, we're gonna...
567
00:27:36,422 --> 00:27:38,155
Oh.
568
00:27:39,258 --> 00:27:43,093
-Don't show the kitten to
Pats, darling, will you? No.
-No.
569
00:27:43,095 --> 00:27:46,063
She might get jealous,
like the la...
570
00:27:46,699 --> 00:27:49,099
Just might get jealous.
571
00:27:49,535 --> 00:27:52,136
-Hi. Is Saffy...
-Yeah. She's downstairs.
572
00:27:52,138 --> 00:27:53,537
-Hi. Come in.
-Hi.
573
00:27:53,539 --> 00:27:55,305
Hi. Hi. Come in.
574
00:27:55,307 --> 00:27:58,008
-Oh, darling!
-Hello, darling!
575
00:27:59,245 --> 00:28:01,545
-Come and have a drink.
-Ooh.
576
00:28:01,547 --> 00:28:06,417
Sorry. I didn't quite
get the, uh... Tits right.
577
00:28:08,020 --> 00:28:09,620
You should have been
dumped down the dustbin.
578
00:28:09,622 --> 00:28:12,656
The incinerator was
too good for you.
579
00:28:15,528 --> 00:28:17,594
Never mind. Cheers, mate.
580
00:28:40,986 --> 00:28:42,553
Guess who?
581
00:28:43,089 --> 00:28:45,489
-(SCREAMS)
-(LAUGHS)
582
00:28:47,093 --> 00:28:49,326
Put them over there.
44222
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