All language subtitles for dave.s03e07.1080p.web.h264-cakes

♪ ♪

♪ I want to know ♪

♪ I want to know... ♪

Yeah, and he would be resp--
have to speak at your funeral

or something like that.

I would've been perfectly
fine with that.

- (Kimmel laughs)
- Except the death thing,
you know.

KIMMEL:
Yeah, except for the death.

- Yeah, that would be no good.
- Yeah.

♪ ♪

♪ I gotta be ♪

♪ Everything ♪

♪ That I could be ♪

♪ I gotta do this thing ♪

♪ Honestly ♪

♪ Why can't I do it all? ♪

♪ Honestly ♪

♪ I bet I shock 'em
when I drop ♪

♪ I know they probably
think I'm washed ♪

♪ I'm kettle cookin'
with the chip ♪

♪ It's on my shoulders
till we win ♪

♪ I'm getting older
by the minute ♪

♪ I've really had it
up to here ♪

♪ They always looking like
they're winging it ♪

♪ I've been planning
every meal ♪

♪ Got me sippin'
on this beer, ooh ♪

♪ And I don't even
fuck with beer ♪

♪ No, I need some water
and ideas, yeah ♪

♪ I gotta start
to make it clear, uh ♪

♪ I'm kind of peeping
all the fallacy ♪

♪ I'm powered by the people
doubting me ♪

♪ I had to eat it like
a ton of calories ♪

♪ And the analogy is that
I'm blowing up ♪

♪ But I've been carrying
this weight ♪

♪ Fuck my old shit,
all of it sucked ♪

♪ Piss on them records,
I shit on them records ♪

♪ I thank everybody who saw
the potential in me ♪

♪ But I still had to
get it inevitably ♪

♪ If I could, I would sit down
and conversate ♪

♪ With every hater
and try to debate 'em ♪

♪ I know it's subjective,
but it's my objective ♪

♪ To do it so well
that it's not. ♪

- (music stops)
- That was the one.

- Man.
- That was a good take.

I ain't gonna lie,
you in your bag, LD.

This has been, what,
the most productive month

of my life?
I own a home.

- (Gata whoops)
- What more can I ask for?

You speaking your truth
into existence.

- Thank you.
- Yeah, Chuck. Really speaking

your truth into existence.

Especially when you're lying
to everyone

on national television.

DAVE:
What are you referring to?

Jimmy Kimmel?

I didn't lie on Jimmy Kimmel,
you can go replay

all that footage,
I didn't lie once.

He just twisted facts.

I didn't twist any facts.

- I didn't.
- Chuck, you sound like Trump.

I omitted, like, some details,
but he didn't ask

the questions that would've...

- (laughing)
- I really did, like,

learn a lot about life
from that whole experience.

And I have a whole new lens
that I see the world through.

From here on out, honesty.

On that note, earlier today,
I did tell you that a boner

was called a boner because a man
has a bone that, like,

comes out of his pelvis
when he's excited.

It's not true.

Dick isn't made of bones.
It's, like,

- all meat.
- Oh. Okay.

All right, I need you guys
to leave.

I'm getting ready for Robyn.

Chuck, how long is
she gonna stay here?

I don't know, two weeks.

- Two weeks?!
- Yeah.

Are you insane?

Two weeks, it's
like a honeymoon length.

I couldn't be more excited, honestly.

What if she's not even
what you remember her to be?

You barely know this girl.

Man, that shit happened to me
one time, I was fucking

with this Arabian bitch, man.

I thought she was gonna be cool.

But she gonna text me the next
day talking about alimony.

How you get pregnant in one day?

Gata, I have no idea what
you're talking about,

but this is not that.

I, like, know this girl.
I talk to her, we text.

If you heard the voice mail
she left when she thought

I was dead,
you would understand.

So you talk to her about
everything, right?

She know about the death scam
and all that, huh?

Never call it the death scam.

Right? Let's refer
to the death...

thing as a totally
different thing

that never even is vocalized.

And, uh, no, I have not,

but, like, I will. I just,
like, don't want to start off

with that conversation, but...

I'm getting to a fresh
new start too, man.

You ain't gonna
believe this, nigga.

I ain't had sex in,
like, two weeks.

You know?

I even started beating
my shit again.

Beating your shit?
What, like jerking off?

GATA:
Yeah, jacking off, dawg.

What? You weren't
jerking off before?

I ain't jerked off since, like,
12th grade or some shit.

12th grade? You haven't
jerked off in, like,

- 20 years?
- That's insane.

It's way too many hoes out here

for a nigga to just be
jacking off like that, bro.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, please be
careful about the roses

on the way out.
They're perfectly...

Chuck. Chuck, this is crazy.

You're gonna freak
this girl out.

Unless you want her to be
your actual girlfriend,

- and then I think
it's gonna freak you out.
- (doorbell rings)

Chuck, it's finally the point

in your life where you,
like, ju--

What are you doing?
You could just be like...

- Hello?
- MAN: It's Amazon.

Dropping off a package.

Okay, coming right up.

- (stammers)
- One more time.

- Is it open?
- (lock buzzes)

Thank you.

Satin sheets.

I'm gonna have to cancel
the beach thing tomorrow.

No, no, no, Chuck,
you can't cancel it.

The beach is, like, overrated
and one-dimensionally textured

anyways. Like, I have to...

Bro, you gotta come
to the beach, dawg.

You out of pocket,
you doing way too much.

- All these roses and shit?
- Guys, I will see you later.

- Okay?
- What, you're just
canceling plans on us?

I can't neglect her
on the first day.

Nigga switched up,
all over a bitch.

(gate opens, closes)

♪ ♪

(sighing)

♪ ♪

No, I left his food
in the sink to thaw out.

And then you just
give him a cup.

Yeah. Thank you so much.

(beeps, rings)

DAVE:
Hello?

Hi.

I'm buzzing you in.

(lock buzzes)

Holy shit.

This is-- Ugh.

Hi.

Hey, girl.

- Come in.
- Hey.

Your house is... sick.

Can you believe you only have
to put 20% of the money down?

- Yeah, a mortgage.
- Yeah.

I had no idea. It's like,
you only need to be so wealthy.

- That is exciting,
actually. Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Well, welcome.
- Thanks.

Benjamin Moore,
"the professional's choice."

- On the paint.
- Oh, my God.

- Wow, we're, uh, we're here.

- Yeah.
- Look at us.

Here we are. In person.

- Uh...
- I'm so happy you're here.

- Hi. Hi.
- I really am so happy
you're here.

- Hello.
- Yeah.

- (laughs)
- I thought we were kissing.

Yeah, I-I-- you're alive.

I thought you were dead,
so this is...

Um, let's fucking unwind
or something.

- Let's-let's celebrate. Okay.
- Let's celebrate.

- Should we drink?
- Drink?

Is that such a--
is that weird to just throw out

- right-right away?
- Uh...

Wine? Is that...?

Wine? Uh, don't
often carry wine,

- but I might have
something over here.
- Okay.

- Uh...
- Wow.

I think there's some wine
over here.

Honestly, you can just take
whatever you want.

Need a pair
of nice new headphones?

I-- that's--
What are these here for?

Oh, these brands, they just
send me all this shit

'cause my birthday's this week,
so it's like...

- That's what's going on.
- It's your birthday this week?

It is, yeah.

Why wouldn't you tell me that?
Fuck.

I don't even like attention
on my birthday.

- I hate it.
- Okay.

I hate everyone, like,
looking at you,

expecting you to be, like,
this unreasonable

level of happy, it's just...

- It's your birthday this...
- Well, doesn't matter.

How can I get you this wine?
There is a store.

- Okay.
- We can go there.

- (chuckles)
- I'm more of like a weed smoker.

- Do you smoke?
- (stammers) No, I don't--

- I'll... Okay.
- I'm gonna get weed for myself.

You have the wine. We'll escape
our bodies at the same time.

And it's gonna be
pretty incredible.

- Okay.
- (footsteps retreating)

(whispers):
What the fuck?

MIKE:
So, publicity-wise,

in the past month,
I think we've got a lot done.

So I think we're being
very productive.

So it's working, for sure.

Yeah, yeah, Kimmel went well.

So, I'm assuming he
trusts me more now.

He did say he felt managed.

Well, that sounds like
a management issue.

Yeah. Look, Dave is really
starting to trust you.

- Great.
- But he wants to

live his honest truth.

Mm. Honest-- well, that's after
he faked his own death?

- Well, we did talk about that.
- (scoffs)

You know,
th-the rats on the bus,

- that was actually a real thing.
- Please. Please, please, please.

Come on. I'm a publicist.
I know an attention grab

when I see one.
I make them for a living.

We just, we just want
to get away from that...

- Mm.
- That thing, you know?

It's a-- yech-- story.
It's a yucky story.

- Right.
- And Dave's very sensitive
about it.

You know I love Dave. Right?

- Yeah.
- And I love a challenge.

I love you guys.
That's why I took you on.

But your client is a child.

I mean, last time he was here
he was playing with putty.

That's for his ADD.
That's actually not Silly Putty.

That's prescribed.

Okay, but it stuck
his pocket closed.

And he couldn't open it.

- Yeah.
- Just, we have to be able

to control him and, you know,
not let him...

I can't control Dave, Ava.

I can't control anything
in my life. Y-- He's...

I...

(inhales sharply)

But you have me now, Mike. Okay?

We're gonna do this together.

Great.

Great.

I think
I'd like to get coffee
with you sometime,

outside of-- or, I mean,
we would do business,

but I mean, outside of
this office 'cause I don't...

- (phone chimes)
- Oh, you know what?
I have another meeting.

Sorry. Our conversation
was great, though.

- Awesome. Loved it.
- It was very productive.

- And I will...
- Let me get out of here.

- ...be in touch. Okay.
- Thank you.

I'm actually free tonight.

For coffee?

So why don't you come on by
and annihilate me?

What?

Not actually, obviously.

But I'm just into role-playing
and blurring lines

between consensual
and non-consensual.

So, um...

if that interests you at all,

here is my address.

(slaps paper on desk)

11:00 p. m.

Yeah, be easy to get in.

Okay.

- (phone rings)
- Yeah, put him through.

Can't believe yo

It's your own personal holiday.
I love holidays.

I just feel like every year
that gets higher,

the number is more
and more alarming,

and all I do is think
about, like, my place

in the world, and, like,
my-my standing.

No, man, you got to stay
in the present, dawg.

- (laughs) Yeah.
- I like the present
right now, dawg.

Yeah. On my 21st birthday,
we were doing karaoke,

and I was just, like, ripping
"All Star" by Smash Mouth,

(voice fading): and I...
whipped my hair into a candle.

And then, my friends were like,
"You're-you're on fire,"

and I was like, "You're
goddamn right I'm on fire."

And I-- I just was, on fire.

And then I ended up in the ER.

I, uh...

What are we talking
about, again?

- My birthday.
- Ah!

Did you just get so high?

Yeah, my train of thought
just choo-choo'd bye-bye.

- Yeah.
- (both giggle)

Should I just take advantage of
this vulnerability right now?

- And just rip some questions?
- Yeah.

All right, if you need to grill
me, I'm ready to be grilled.

- Favorite color?
- Sunset orange.

Favorite time of day?

4:57, 'cause of
the sunset orange, probably.

Yeah, favorite, uh, animal?

- Elephant.
- Elephant?

Yeah.

I knew I liked you.

That's my favorite animal.

I, uh...

♪ ♪

I'm sorry.
What are we talking about again?

Elephants.

Should we...

You're so high.
I keep forgetting.

- Yeah.
- You, like, go in--

You wear it well.
Should we keep going?

For the wine?

- Yeah.
- What am I doing?

(coughs)

- Are you... Should we...
- (coughing rhythmically)

(clucking)

That was...

Oh, my God, please don't
come at me like that.

- I need to sit down.
- Okay.

I need to sit down.
I'm sorry.

- In the street.
- What the fuck?

Fully strobe-lighting.

Lin-Manuel Manuel
lives down here...

- (dog barking)
- (screams) What the fuck?!

OWNER:
Hey, Sawyer! Sorry.

He doesn't usually
bark at people.

He-- The dog knew.

- Why?
- The dog knew what?

I'm sorry.

(chuckles)
Don't be. It's okay.

(Dave exhales weakly)

- Okay?
- (sighs)

- (groaning)
- Oh, let me get your shoes.

These are cool.

Thank you.

You're welcome, Dave.

I-I wrote you a song.

What?

(phone beeps)

♪ I met a girl ♪

♪ Thank God ♪

♪ I met a girl ♪

♪ Oh, my ♪

♪ She makes me feel alive ♪

♪ She makes me need a life ♪

♪ I met a girl ♪

♪ Thank God. ♪

I love it.

I haven't done the verses yet.
I will.

The hook is fire.

- (laughs softly)
- Don't you think?

It is fire.

(groans)
I just need to reboot.

I'll be out.

(sighs)

♪ ♪

(grunts)

It's like an actual dictionary.

(chair whirring)

- (drink splashes)
- (mutters)

(doorbell rings)

ALLY:
Hi. I was just in the area

and I'm-I'm returning
Dave's tennis racket.

- Is he home?
- (lock buzzes)

I think it should be open.

(gate closes)

- Hi. Hi.
- Hi.

- Robyn?
- Yes.

- Ally? I've heard
so much about you.
- Yes. Hi.

- Nice to meet you.
- Yeah.

- Hi.
- Hi.

I hope this isn't, uh,
weird, or...

Oh, my God, no.

- Sorry, I'm so thirsty.
- Yeah...

And is he... Where is he?

Uh, he, uh, got higher
than I've seen any human get,

and he passed out.

Wait, he's... he's, like, out?

Yes.

- Very out.
- Okay, that's amazing.

- Oh.
- I was very stressed about
how I was gonna do this.

Okay, so we have
a major situation on our hands.

You know how it's his birthday
on Thursday?

I am now aware of that, yeah.

Okay, we are throwing him
a surprise party tomorrow.

And it's unmovable.

His parents flew in
and Benny is getting this

cheesesteak chef
from Philadelphia,

and originally Benny was
supposed to get him there.

But that's before we knew
that you would be here.

So we're kind of wondering if
you can bring him to the party.

Y-Y... Uh, yeah.

- Of course. Yeah. Totally.
- Thank you.

- I know it's, like, a lot...
- Um, what are the...

like, what-what are the details?
How should I...?

It's, um, 6:00 at an Airbnb
at the beach.

We were just, like, talking
about this today.

He was saying he doesn't really
like attention on his birthday.

(chuckles)
He, like, loves attention.

- He loves attention.
- Okay.

On all of the days.

- Every single one.
- Yeah.

- Here, give me your... phone.
- Yeah.

I am gonna put myself in here
as, um, Mike Triangle.

I will just send you, like,
the specifics of the location,

and if you have any issues,
you can...

Okay. Yeah. Uh, you said
his parents are gonna be there?

Oh, my God, you're gonna
love Don and Carol.

- It's gonna be great.
- Uh, um...

- Great.
- But I'll see you tomorrow.

- Tomorrow, and we-- Yeah.
- I'm gonna get out

while the getting is good.
And, um,

- good luck. You've got this.
- Okay.

Thanks. Uh,
I'll see you tomorrow.

- (sighs)
- (door closes)

(steady beeping)

(alarm blaring)

Ow.

- Oh, my God.
- What's happening?

I'm sorry! I-- This is...

- Yeah, okay.
- (alarm stops)

- Great.
- Fuck!

- (exhales)
- Hey.

You wanna go to the wine store?

Are you okay?

- I'm still high.
- Yeah, that's...

- That is clear.
- Are you having fun?

Yeah.

AVA: I don't know.
I don't get these people.

I mean, every time Jon Hamm's
dick-print bulges in his pants

when he's walking around
Brooklyn, it's not a story.

He wears khakis,
he walks around a lot.

- I know.
- (chair scrapes)

(mouthing)

I'm sorry. Can I call you back?

Hello?

Hello...

Hello. Hey, it's Mike Spera.

Are you ready?

Ready for what?

Are you ready to be scrutinized?

- (screams)
Get the fuck out of my house!
- No, no, no, no!

No, no, we talked about--
You told me to come here!

Remember? You told me your
safe word. And it was memorable,

- but I don't remember
what it was.
- Bro.

Come on, man.
(scoffs)

(panting)
Oh, yeah.

I will come on.

I'm gonna come on strong.

Bro...

I'm gonna come on myself
when I nut on myself.

(quietly): Tell me
to suck the pepper spray.

- What?
- Tell... tell me

- to suck the pepper spray.
- (growls) I'm gonna make you

- suck the pepper spray!
- Just, like, take it

- the fuck out of my hand, and...
- No, what do you mean? I...

- Be a man. Just...
- Don't tell me to be a man.
I am being a man.

- I'm just...
- Jesus Christ! Will you
just go with this?

I don't want to go with it!

I don't want to go with it.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Okay?

Ava, I don't want to do this.
I've never done this before.

I don't know what to do.

I think you're smart
and you're beautiful.

I just want to, like,
do something normal with you.

Like-like eat a meal...

Mike, I like you, too.

Obviously. That's why
I invited you over here.

(sighs) I am in control
all the fucking time.

Okay? So, I just, like,

want something different,
if you know what I mean.

Like, I guess it's my kink.

I
just thought maybe you might
have wanted a little

control in your life.

I understand.

I didn't get it before,
but trust me, I get it.

I've had some weird kinks
over the years.

I used to be in love with women
with lopsided breasts.

I was obsessed.

Look, I...

I'm not gonna do
what you want me to do.

- Okay.
- Because...

as interesting as it sounds
for you to get what you want,

you're not getting any of it. Hmm.

At all.

You like the way I rub you?

- Do you like that?
- Mm. I-- Yeah, I do.

I don't care if you do
or you don't.

- You understand?
- Yeah.

Don't. I hope
you don't understand.

Did you order a brick?

Wait, a brick?
What do you mean?

A brick cock.

'Cause I'm about
to lay some brick.

- You wanna come?
- Yes, please.

Too bad.
Not on my watch.

(pepper spray clatters on floor)

(gasps)

ROBYN:
Mom, he's very e

I mean, you have to be
to pull off getting so high

that I just had to put him
into bed.

And then when he was asleep,
his ex-girlfriend came,

'cause their-- his whole
friend group is throwing him

this surprise party and...

No. Mom, I don't know
who's prettier.

It's, like, crazy. I...

We're both equal...

- Hi. I gotta go.
- Hi.

Okay. Love you. Bye.

- Oh, boy.
- Hi.

What have I done?

- Good morning. He is risen.
- Good morning.

I rose. I fucked it all up.

- No, you didn't.
- Wow.

Did you get good rest?

I mean-- that was--
I'm borderline H, still.

- Okay.
- But...

I want to make it up to you.

And I've taken steps towards
making it up to you

by creating the perfect
romantic plan.

- Okay.
- For us. Today.

Today? The whole day?

The whole day, bucko.
So strap in.

Um... well, I-I made plans
for us today, too.

- Dueling plans?
- Yeah.

Okay. Tit for tat.

What's yours?

- What's yours?
- No, you first.

- Okay. Let me paint a picture.
- Okay.

I want you to imagine
that outside,

even though we're
in Los Angeles,

there are six to nine
inches of snow.

How? Because I've created
an entire winter wonderland

right here in my back area.

Hot chocolate, toboggins,

uh, there's like all types
of accoutrement

that fits the winter
wonderland theme,

because I remember that
you love snow days.

- Snow days.
- Yeah.

- So, we...
- That's...

What's your plan?

The beach.

- Just the beach?
- Yeah.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

- Why does everyone...
- The beach.

- We can...
- Everyone loves the beach.

- I don't...
- We could just go, relax,

and chill on the beach,
and we could

just, you know, get comfortable.

- Sit around.
- And go for a swim and get tan.

It's so cold in there.
I can't tan. I'm on Accutane.

- But...
- I rented bikes.

So we can get exercise.
Do you not like...?

Bikes are...

Feels like you...

If I seem forlorn,

it's 'cause I just don't
know how to ride a bike.

- You can't ride a bike?
- I struggle riding a bike.

And it was a big thing
of my childhood,

all my friends could
ride the bike,

I couldn't do it.
It really separated me from

my entire group of friends
and it's like...

But life is about learning
new things, it's...

Is it?

No snow day?

I-I would just really love
to get out of the house.

You know? The, like...

- Oh, yeah.
- We should...

Yeah. What am I...?

Stretch my legs.

Yeah, so I didn't even
think about that

you would never want
to stay here,

because you've been here for--
I didn't even--

Let me, uh-- I can adapt.

I can adapt. I'll just
call the whole thing off.

- Okay.
- One sec. Hey, fellas, uh...

(knocking on glass)

No, we don't need any more.

Ix-nay on the ow-snay.

- This is so thoughtful.
- It's okay.

I think I might be in the window
of cancellation.

I doubt it, though.
They are here.

But it's not that costly.

This is very sweet.

You-- you're sweet.

Throwing me on that bike
is sweet.

- We're gonna do this.
- Yeah.

(sighs)

♪ ♪

(mouths)

(distant waves crashing)

BENNY:
You gotta put it somewhere
he can see it.

All right, yeah,
just this way a little.

No, that way.

Just-- I'm gonna go-- I'm gonna
change it myself later.

Oh, honey, I would have never
done this at the beach.

It's dirty and overrated. It's
like trying to throw a party

in the wilderness,
and it smells so bad!

Yeah, what do you expect? Look.

- There's a fucking dead seal
here. What am I supposed to do?
- (flies buzzing)

CAROL:
Well, it's the beach.
What did you expect?

Expect? I didn't expect there
to be a fucking dead seal.

I've never even seen
a real seal.

What do we do?
Do we, like, change the time?

- Do we let the tide come in?
- Nah, man.

It's fine. All we gotta do is
get that dead-ass seal

in the ocean.

Look, let's just go down there,

we pick it up-- the three
of us could get it out of here

in like five minutes.

Hell nah, bro.
That shit look diseased, man...

Can I, can I help?
What's the task?

- It's down there.
- Oh, Jesus.

- Fuck no. Fuck.
- ALLY: I'm here!

What is the catastrophe?
Oh, God.

(whistling)
Birds! Come on, eat the...

Just eat the dead seal
down there!

I gotta get my assistant
to deal with this.

She does shit like this
all the time.

Oh, my God.

Y'all like the sea?

Uh, not-- No, not really.

(phone buzzing)

Wow, you really
weren't exaggerating.

No. I mean, yeah.

It's the starting and stopping
and turning that I'm...

- Just commit to it.
- Commit?

I'm pretty committed right now.

What do I--?
There's a car!

Hey, there's a car, Robyn. What
do I do? I'm not leaving this

- to human error.
- Go to the sidewalk.
Go to the sidewalk.

Ah!

(sighs)

I like the sidewalk.

You know, until now,
I would've thought you could

either ride a bike or not,
I've never actually seen

- this middle ground.
It's pretty impressive.
- Well...

- You're doing great.
- This is nice.

- Uh...
- Really...

- DAVE: Uh, sir!
- ROBYN: Okay.

- Ho-- Homeless man!
- ROBYN: Dave, just breathe.
- (bell dinging)

- Dave, just-just go around him.
- I can't turn. I can't turn.

- Just turn around him. Dave!
- Sir, I can't turn.

- Sir-- Ah!
- Dave!

- (yells) Fuck.
- Oh, my God.

- Are you-- Did you...?
- DAVE: Ah, goddamn it!

- You okay?
- No.

- (groans) My knee.
- Ah, how's your knee?

- Not good.
- Okay, well...

I'm, like, fully skinned, so...

(exhales forcefully)
Okay.

We tried.

I gave it my all.
Today is not our day.

Let's go home.

- (phone buzzing)
- This isn't working.

You know what
is the most healing?

- (Dave groans)
- The salt a-and...

the sun.

I'm just gonna be totally
frank with you.

There is a zero percent chance
I'm going to the beach.

Okay, but we had planned
to go to the beach.

I don't know, plans, like,
change, like...

Blockbuster had plans to not
have the streaming era exist.

Come on. Let's...
Let's just, like, see...

- Yeah, you can get up.
- (groans) No, it hurts.

So we can get these in,
like, an Uber.

No. I'm-I'm hurt.
I can't put any weight on it.

But we had plans
to go to the beach.

Robyn... it's not happening.

- I'm trying to put on...
- That's...

- (phone buzzing)
- That's what?
- I...

This is no indictment on you.
I fell.

- I tried to ride a bike.
- No, it's just-- Come on.

- I'm skinned.
I'm a skinned person.
- Yeah.

I came all the way
from Wisconsin, Dave.

I want to go enjoy myself
and get some R&R on the beach.

I heard that there's...

Let me tell you firsthand as
a guy who's from the East Coast,

who never went to the beach,
and now he lives on the beach,

it's so overrated.

Well, you should let me
experience that for myself.

- I...
- A different day,

when I'm not, like,
fully injured.

This isn't Madden.
You can't turn off injuries.

You're not fully...

- Let's-- I don't know...
- (phone buzzing)

what to do.
Let's fuck on the beach.

- What?
- (whispers): Let's
fuck on the beach.

- Ah!
- Let's...

I'm, like, so
weirded out by that.

I don't know
how to react to that.

- I'm not gonna...
- You owe me outdoor sex.

I owe you outdoor sex?
Are you serious?

- (stammers)
- You really believe that?

Nah, I don't know.

Look, I'm not the guy
that's gonna, like,

get hurt for you like Rambo,

or fuck you on the beach
like a gladiator, okay?

That's not who I am.

And maybe we just don't
know each other,

and we're forcing
this whole thing.

Like, please,
let's just go home.

I'm going home, personally.
I hope you come with...

Fuck it. Dave, I'm trying
to get you to a surprise party!

- What?
- Yeah. Your friends,

they are texting me right now,
all day,

and they-- I-- they told me
to get you to the beach,

- 'cause they're all there
just waiting for you.
- Now?

- And I...
- That's why you've been
acting this way?

Yes! That's why
I'm acting like this.

I don't even like the beach!

I hate the beach.
And I hate lying.

I'm so bad at lying.
This is so...

stressful, I'm sweating so much.

I hate lying, too.

Yeah, I've...

I faked my own death.

Well, I didn't
fake my own death,

but I did pretend
to be dead for longer,

because the views and
the streams were just going

so fucking crazy.

I got your voice mail,
I wanted to call you back,

I didn't, and I haven't really
told anyone this, and...

I'm a piece of shit, I guess.

And now you know that I am.

No. I...

I faked my own personality
the past 24 hours.

So, that's just human nature.

I guess, you know? When you just
want something bad enough,

you just... do it.

So, I...

♪ ♪

Let's go to the surprise party.
No more lying.

Except for pretending to know
about the surprise

- situation.
- That's acting, that's acting.

I know exactly how to play this.

I still am injured,
but I'm gonna act not.

- Come on, let's go.
- Are you okay?

- Yeah.
- Do you need an Advil?

DAVE: I don't need
anything except you.

I have your b

- I'm watching... Okay.
- Watch this acting.

ALL:
Surprise!

(cheering and applause)

DAVE:
Mom, Dad, I didn't know
you were here! Hi!

You flew in.
You got cheesesteaks.

You knew about this?

- I did. Yeah.
- (sighs)

- You did it!
- ROBYN: I did.

- You earned this.
- Thank you.

- Good work.
- DAVE: Hi.

ALLY: Great work.
Did you not know?

- I had no idea.
- You really didn't know?

Thank you, Gata.
Thank you, Gata.

Give it to me. Hey, brother.

(overlapping chatter)

Gata, do you really
need this shot?

I'm just trying to show them
what this hard working

- gets you.
We on the beachfront, man.
- Yeah. Oh...

- (beeping)
- It's your alarm.

It says you gotta go to
bed soon so you can get

- your 11 and a half
hours of sleep.
- Ah, okay.

- All right, keep working hard.
- Hey, Mike! How's it going?

Hey, Don.

It's good. Really good.

(distant chatter)

- Happy b irthday.
- Thank you. I can't believe

that you guys
flew out here for me.

- I love you. Yeah.
- DON: Hey. We love you.
- CAROL: Are you kidding? Honey!

- DON: It's your birthday.
- DAVE: Oh, hold on, hold on,
you know what?

I want to introduce you guys
to somebody.

- Yes.
- Come here.

- Oh. Hi.
- This is Robyn.

- Hi.
- Oh, this is the famous Robyn?

- Hi, it's so nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

Oh, you are lovely.

- Dave, you have a little white...
- Okay. What are you doing?

EMMA: Dave and Robyn
are actually kind of cute.

Yeah.

- You know what else is cute?
- What?

What the fuck?

- (both laughing)
- You missed!

- It's okay.
- Oh, fuck it.

Can I show you your present?

- You got me something?
- Oh, yeah.

A photograph of an elephant.

Not just any elephant.
He's yours.

What do you mean, he's mine?

Well, I found an organization
that rescues them,

and I adopted him in your name.

- In Africa.
- No, you didn't.

Yeah, so you--
we pay for, like, his food,

and his little
elephant medicine.

That's-- his name's Esoit.

- Do you like it?
- "You-so-it."

"You-so..."

♪ ♪

♪ Shit go down, shit go up ♪

♪ Nother round up in my cup ♪

♪ Slow it down, I'm in no rush ♪

♪ I'm a child
but I'm getting older ♪

♪ I'm getting older ♪

♪ And it's round
and around we go ♪

♪ Through the up and downs
we scroll ♪

♪ Growing up I was a peon ♪

♪ Fantasizing what I'd be on ♪

♪ Never thinking
it would be gone ♪

♪ How do we know if we're
doing this all wrong? ♪

♪ I haven't seen my home friends
in so long ♪

♪ Such is life ♪

♪ Grays get plucked ♪

- ♪ My back is fucked ♪
- ♪ Fuck! ♪

♪ And I gotta learn TikTok ♪

♪ Tick, tick, tick,
tick, tick, tick ♪

♪ Used to play ball
twice a week ♪

♪ Now I can't really
play that much ♪

♪ Used to drink bottles
to pregame ♪

♪ Now I can't drink that much. ♪

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org