Original subtitles

In October of 1979,

a death row inmate named Jack Harding

escaped police custody

and proceeded to go on a killing spree

in the sleepy farming community of Hackleburg, Alabama.

You're saying that you think he's still alive, don't you?

I know he is.

He would seemingly appear from thin air,

a force of nature empowered by the onset of autumn.

You and this town is linin' up

for a third Saturday in October slaughterhouse!

Stop, please! Stop!

Stop! Stop!

He would return to haunt Hackleburg

three more times throughout the 1980s,

continuously defying death as he left a trail of carnage

in his wake.

Are you even in there?

His victims would be young and old

with no regard for the innocence of human life.

This game is fucking impossible.

Baby.

Is this really what you wanna be doing right now?

Stop, you're gonna get me killed.

You don't wanna see my tits?

Not right now.

Baby, come on.

He's usually all over the place.

More like all over me.

After an attack in 1987,

Harding vanished without a trace.

And for the past six years,

the residents of Hackleburg have made it through

the third Saturday in October without incident.

This year however, they are about to see

some real crazy shit.

...107.7

Alabama sports radio...

Reports out of Mobile tell us

that receivers and backup quarterback Tex Coorley

were out on the practice field this evenin'.

Now, all I can make of this is that Coach Redd just found out

Nate Barker can't play tomorrow.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

Coach Redd wouldn't advertise it to the world

if his starting quarterback couldn't play.

This is the old ball coach tryin' to mess with A&M

and head coach Manny Parish.

Nothin' more, nothin' less.

You disrespected me! That was inappropriate dancin'!

There ain't no ifs, ands or buts about it.

Ugh, I swear, Ronnie, if you don't shut up,

I'm gonna stay at my mama's house tonight.

I know where you wanna sleep tonight

and it sure as hell ain't your mama's house.

Listen to yourself. You're drunk, drunk, drunk!

Hold on now, I ain't done talkin' to you.

Oh! Ugh, how dare you?

Why'd you hit me with that damn door?

Oh, I wish you walked square into that sucker.

I wish it knocked you clean out!

Oh, I bet.

That way you'd have all the free time in the world

to run around with old Johnny Stevens.

You know what?

I don't have to listen to you anymore.

- I swear I've had it. - Oh, yeah?

Well, we know who you do listen to, don't we?

Old Johnny Stevens.

I saw y'all a dancin'.

His hands all over my woman.

A married woman dancin' with a school vice principal.

- That's ridiculous! - Shut up, Ronnie!

I bet Johnny Stevens don't cut his own damn firewood,

I tell you that.

Son of a bitch tryin' to dance with my woman.

I should've clocked his ass across the dance floor.

Bum-ass can't keep a job no way.

Ain't fit for nothing.

Look-it, baby, I'm sorry about earlier.

I know I got you all riled up.

I just saw Johnny Stevens and you dancin' like that,

and well, considering I'd been drinkin',

and you know how I get when I get the hard stuff in me, honey.

Well, you know better than to drink it.

Oh, I begged you not to get like this tonight,

- and look what happened. - I know, I know.

Thing about it is, baby...

I can't help it.

When I got a woman as beautiful as you,

I see Johnny Stevens

with his meat hooks all over you,

well, it's just natural response for me

to get a little bit teed off.

You know I'm sorry. I really am.

Aw, hon.

That still ain't no excuse for yellin' at me like you did.

I know it, I know it. And I tell you what?

When we go to church on Sunday, that's the first thing

I'mma pray about.

You'll go to church with me?

Well, of course, it's been too long.

I owe Jesus a visit.

- I love you, Ronnie. - Oh, I love you too, baby.

Good Lord.

Phew! These must be new, huh?

Yeah, K-Mart special.

So, you tellin' me I got K-Mart to blame

for all these dirty thoughts bouncin' around in my head?

Stop it!

♪ Where you are ♪

♪ Heartbeat, heartbeat ♪

♪ One more time again ♪

♪ Are you up there ♪

♪ In the clouds ♪

♪ So far away ♪

♪ From heartbeat, heartbeat ♪

♪ One more time

♪ I will get it right ♪

♪ I can make it this time ♪

♪ I know what I've got to do ♪

♪ Heartbeat for me ♪

- ♪ I won't hesitate ♪ - Who's playin' that damn music?

What the fuck you doin' in my house?

Amy! Amy, call 9-1-1, baby! We got us an intruder in here!

What's that, Ronnie?

Wait a minute.

Is that you in there, Johnny Stevens?

I swear to God,

you got a lot of nerve comin' here.

♪ What you're lookin' for ♪

♪ The heartbeat of a miracle ♪

Ronnie?

♪ One more time again ♪

♪ And they tell me ♪

♪ I will feel it ♪

- ♪ And my face it will show ♪ - Ronnie!

Ronnie, you're freaking me out!

♪ One more time ♪

♪ I will get it right ♪

Ronnie?

♪ I can make it this time ♪

Oh, my God! Honey, what happened?

You know what fuckin' happened.

Oh, my God, you're bleedin'!

I know I'm fuckin' bleedin'.

Your goddamn boyfriend tryin' to kill me.

Shh. Baby, what are you talkin' about?

Oh, the jig's up, woman! Don't you try to play dumb.

Honey, what-- no, what are you talkin' about?

Stop accusin' me of that.

I don't know what you're talkin' about!

Johnny goddamn Stevens, he's in our fuckin' house

and you know it!

- You had me fuckin' killed! - Baby.

There's that son-of-a-bitch now.

Come on, Johnny, take off that mask.

I'm on to y'all.

God! Oh, Amy!

Why'd you stab her?

You motherfucking lunatic.

You've reached Ronnie and Amy parker.

We've gone fishin'.

Leave a message after the beep. Beep.

Ronnie, listen, buddy, this is old Johnny Stevens callin'.

I-- I just wanted to call and apologize about--

Well, about what went down at the dance hall

earlier this evenin'.

I-- I realized I didn't had no business

dancing with Amy the way I was.

Look, I justs-- I just wanted to call and say I'm sorry,

and I hope there's no hard feelings.

Hey, listen, you enjoy that game tomorrow.

Wanna see them Seahawks whoop up on A&M.

And I hope you'll forgive me, buddy.

Talk to you later. Toodle-oo, y'all.

...kick-off for tomorrow's showdown

between the Alabama Mobile Seahawks

and Tennessee A&M Commonwealth now only hours away,

sports fans are at fever pitch over what promises to be

one of the great college football showdowns

of the year.

And as always, Channel 2's sports correspondent

Kitty Kennedy was able to catch up

with Alabama Mobile head coach Amos Redd

earlier this evening.

Kitty has more from Mobile.

Coach, if you do need to go with the backup quarterback,

how does that change the offensive game plan?

I tell you what? Let's do--

Let's why don't I just drop everything we're doin',

you and I go back in the office?

I'll open up the playbook,

and show you everything we're gonna run,

and you can write it down.

- How about that? - That sounds great.

- Yeah, okay, alright. - Let's go!

Look, tomorrow's third Saturday in October, right?

Everybody in Seahawk nation knows what that means.

Now, these boys know what it means

and they're gonna be ready, alright?

That is a Coach Redd guarantee.

That's something you can write down.

Third Saturday in October.

Well, Boomer, it's almost game time,

so we might as well get that final prediction in.

What you thinkin'?

I'm goin' with my gut on this one.

Tennessee A&M, 17, Alabama Mobile, 14.

The Commonwealth break the streak today,

no matter who the Seahawks put at quarterback.

Wrong as usual, Boomer.

There's gonna be more points up on that scoreboard

and the streak is gonna continue.

I'm takin' the Seahawks 35-24.

- I made breakfast! - Oh, Lordy, mercy, PJ!

I thought you knew better than this.

I said you could have one regular bowl of cereal.

If you eat all this, you're gonna be sick.

Well, I don't even want cereal.

I want Catfish Cabin! Catfish Cabin! Catfish Cabin!

Well, I'm about to leave,

but maybe Maggie can take you, okay?

Okay. Old man coming through.

The Commonwealth strut, the Commonwealth strut,

the Commonwealth strut.

Come on in, join the Commonwealth strut!

What?

Come on, baby, I really need your help

getting this side of my face.

Can we please just wait until we're there?

- Vampire cat. - Oh, absolutely not.

Last time we beat 'Bama,

I went out looking just like this.

You wanna go to Catfish Cabin with me?

- That was 1985! - Come on!

- Are you a catfish? - The Commonwealth need this.

Do you have friends at Catfish Cabin?

You're gonna have to do dishes.

See you later, Pennywise.

I'll do dishes-- For a year?

Maggie is here.

♪ Creepy and sullen And running out of room ♪

- Hi, Maggie! - Hey, PJ!

- ♪ In my little tomb - Oh!

- Hey. - Hi.

- How're you doin'? - Good. Good morning.

So, are you sure this is gonna be okay?

Definitely.

Okay, because we can come back at midnight if we need to.

Tomorrow morning is totally fine.

Okay.

Go Commonwealth!

Stop being annoying.

PJ has spoken.

- Okay, give me that. - Mm.

Okay, bye, baby. We love you.

- Alright, we'll see you. - See you later.

Oof, now I know why you're always so happy

to see me.

Okay.

My mom said you should to take me Catfish Cabin,

and I deserve it,

because I've been getting good grades.

PJ, we've been over this. They don't serve breakfast.

Well, we should just drive over there and check.

And my mom said you shouldn't smoke those things around me.

PJ.

Yes?

I think it's time for you to shut up.

Okay.

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ If they left us alone now ♪

♪ Would we cry or would we Feel the same as we do ♪

♪ Na, na, na ♪

♪ Could you move me around now ♪

♪ Could you find in your heart the strength to be true ♪

♪ Na, na, na ♪

♪ It seems to me, baby ♪

♪ You better lead your life alone ♪

♪ Oh, you better go ♪

♪ If they left us alone now ♪

♪ So if we're alone now ♪

♪ If they left us alone now ♪

♪ So if we're alone now

♪ If they left us alone now ♪

♪ So if we're alone now ♪

♪ If they left us alone now ♪

♪ So if we're alone now ♪

Alabama Mobile's quest for another undefeated season

will be challenged today

as the Seahawks travel to Johnson City

to face the 9th ranked Tennessee A&M Commonwealth.

Jeffery Baumhauer has more live coverage

from Randy Hale Memorial Stadium coming up soon.

And for our top story this morning,

authorities are tracking a killer on the loose today...

PJ, do you want a sandwich?

...of a funeral home employee.

Yesterday afternoon outside of Grefe County.

Hey, kiddo,

do you want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?

...from Vicki Culpepper.

Vicki, we gonna need those umbrellas today?

Thanks, Gordon, but you won't need your umbrella

until tonight when we expect some brief showers...

Really holdin' out for that Catfish Cabin?

For the most part, today is cool and sunny...

Meow. Meow. Meow.

Hello, Glamourpuss.

Now, some areas may appear cloudy and sunny

- at the same time. - Hello!

As us meteorologists like to say,

- That's just the weather. - PJ: Are you hungry?

For all football fans, today should make

for the perfect third Saturday in October experience.

Want me to rub your chin?

Hello, Alabamians...

It's almost time for a meal.

Meow. Meow, meow, meow.

Glamourpuss.

Ah-ha! Oh! Yes!

Oh, my God, Betsy, this is my lucky charm!

Oh, man. It's our lucky day.

What exactly are you talkin' about, honey?

This is the fumblerooski helmet of '84.

Oh.

Oh, this is the helmet McLintock was wearin'

when he scored the winning touchdown.

Sounds amazing.

Do you have to be so overdramatic, Arthur?

You're such a baby!

Jeez!

Ain't no trespassin' around here, boy.

Especially by some mask-wearin' weirdo.

Hey!

Now, don't you do nothing stupid, boy.

Well...

you got some big balls on you.

Well, I got some big uns, too,

and that's why they call me Big Willie Nathan.

Now, I'm goin' up here to do my chore.

Little kitty cats ain't gonna feed their selves.

Now, when I turn back around,

I best see your ass headin' down that road.

You and the hearse you rode in on.

If you're lookin' to get your brain scrambled here today,

boy, you are in luck.

Cause the skillet's on the stove and the grease is already hot.

Okay, buddy boy,

you about to go from the fryin' pan to the fire.

What in tarnation?

Look here, son, I tried to warn you.

Now, what you should have done

was acted like a gravy train on biscuit wheels

and rolled your ass on out of here!

Oh. Whoa, whoa, look.

Whoa, now! Whoa!

Alright, PJ, let's go to the video store.

Get it!

- Oowie! - We're going to the video store.

♪ ...the eyes at the back of my head ♪

♪ And I know it's not me ♪

♪ I'm not the one ♪

♪ I'm not moving, moving Moving me ♪

♪ And I'm not the one ♪

♪ I'm not the one moving me

♪ ...slave moving Some cheap... ♪

♪ Don't know where to run ♪

♪ Don't know where to run ♪

♪ Don't know where to run ♪

♪ Don't know where to run ♪

♪ Don't know where to go ♪

♪ Go, Johnny, go ♪

♪ Go, Johnny, go ♪

Hey, y'all, it's your old pal Hank.

Owner and operator of Hank's Good Stuff.

Lettin' you know about our very special half-off sale

we're havin' today durin' the Alabama Mobile

Tennessee A&M football game.

So, come on down any time durin' the game

where everything...

- Is half off. - Is half off.

Hank's Good Stuff's located 5525, Highway 2 in Hackleburg.

Right next door to Bronco Burger.

Hello?

Peter, George, and Lester j-- Juric.

Peter! Now, open this damn door.

- Oh, so, help me God. - It's time for a-- a--

Alaba-- Bama mo-- Mobile beatdown.

Peter. Peter. Pumpkin eater.

Open up this front door.

- Y'all! - Hello!

- It's time for some football! - I fucking hear you.

Open the door!

Yeah, yeah, dude, I fuckin' hear you, man.

I can fuckin' hear you. You're bein' loud enough.

George, I can do this.

- Ow! - Oh, what?

- George. - Jesus Christ, man.

- George, just-- - Fuckin' serious?

Damn, you fucking crippled?

Watch the door!

Man, what gives, you fuckwads?

The game doesn't start for like 30 minutes.

Now, Peter,

is that any way to talk to your friends?

Cussin' us out for bein' 30 minutes early?

Fuck you, retard!

Why don't you get up out of that chair

and fight me if you don't fuckin' like it?

Jesus Christ, P-- Peter.

I just thought we'd d-- drop in a little early is all.

Calm down.

O-- okay. I'm-- I'm calm.

I'm calm.

Hey, man, you know I was just messin' with you, right?

Come on, now. Huh? Come on.

Yeah, we're cool.

C'mon man, let's go get high.

Yeah, alright.

Hey! Hey, hey, hey! What about me?

Lester, what about you, huh?

What, you expect us to carry your fat ass

up and down these steps all goddamn day and night?

Think I'm gonna pull a hernia over you, little guy?

Would you lighten up on him?

Dude, I'm-- I'm tryin' to toughen him up.

He's a little bitch.

Say, Peter, why you got a hearse out

at the end of your driveway?

Say, Lester, there's not a fuckin' hearse

at the end of the driveway.

Peter, I know what a hearse looks like.

It's as plain as day,

out there at the end of your driveway!

Yeah, well, I know what a jackass looks like.

Sittin' in a wheelchair, yellin' at me from downstairs.

Shut the fuck up!

♪ I fill the hours With the black of my head ♪

♪ I see through the eyes at the back of my head ♪

♪ And I know it's not me ♪

♪ I'm not the one

♪ Who is moving Moving, moving me ♪

♪ And I'm not the one ♪

♪ I'm not the one moving me ♪

- Hey, Holcomb. - Hi, PJ.

- Hey. - Hey. What's up?

You guys, um, havin' a big movie marathon?

Yes, and PJ gets to rent whatever she wants.

Really?

Yes, as long as when you're watchin' it,

I can go next door and watch the game.

Whatever.

Okay, but are you sure you wanna do that?

I mean George and Sharon are back together.

Don't you wanna avoid that love triangle drama?

They're not getting back together.

If you say so.

Just don't be surprised if Sharon tries to punch you out

the next time she sees you.

What? So, my friends are having a party next door

and I can't go just cause George has a crush on me?

You like him, too.

No, I don't. George, really?

Yeah, George really.

Those eyebrows? [chuckling]

- Are you kidding me? - Oh, yeah.

I just don't wanna see you

in another messed up relationship.

I appreciate you're tryin' to look out for me right now,

but this is different.

George is different.

- Are these okay? - Mm-hm.

Hoosiers? Really?

I like basketball.

So when are you clockin' out?

As soon as Cody's slow ass gets here.

He's already 15 minutes late.

Okay, we'll be outside.

Can we please go to Catfish Cabin?

No, they're only open for dinner.

Why do I get the feeling you're lying to me?

PJ, I would never lie to you.

I'm the one person in your life that you could always count on

to be real with you, no matter what.

Okay?

Whoo...

Man, I'm gonna bag Holcomb tonight.

I thought you were all over Angela.

Well, I'mma bag her, too!

See, Holcomb's spendin' the night with Maggie,

so I'mma have to get that in before halftime.

Then I'll have the rest of the night

with Angela.

Man, I get playin' the field and all,

but that's some really questionable decision-making.

What? Are you fucking kidding me?

I'm being judged by the guy who's tryin' to bag Maggie

and Sharon at the same time.

That is highly inaccurate, my f-- friend.

I am a single man.

Yeah. Yeah, you're s--single,

cause your dick is ready to wander.

Man, if Maggie wasn't giving you the signs right now,

you'd still be shopping for engagement rings

with Sharon, you little prick.

- I'll check on my brother. - "I'll check on my brother."

Yeah, you need to check him into a mental institute,

that's where you need to check him into.

We all know he's faking that shit anyway, man.

♪ Don't mess with the crew Wanna challenge me ♪

♪ Callin' out my brothers, Yo, I see, how it's gonna be ♪

S-- stupid, Peter!

♪ Who's got the last laugh I'm the witch of my craft ♪

♪ There'll be no mistakin' ♪

♪ This hood'll be mine For the takin' ♪

♪ What the fuck is this ♪

♪ This hood'll be mine For the takin' ♪

♪ Yeah, you better be ready To drop like a rock, fool ♪

♪ This hood'll be mine For the takin' ♪

♪ Ha, ha, ha Better shoot your best ♪

♪ This hood'll be mine For the takin' ♪

♪ This hood'll be mine For the takin' ♪

♪ Be mine for the takin' ♪

♪ Be mine for the takin' ♪

♪ This hood'll be mine For the takin' ♪

♪ The deed's been done You better run ♪♪

- Ladies. - Hi.

Sharon. Hi.

Hi, there! It's about time y'all showed up.

Hey, Sharon.

Hi, Lester.

Oh, it's good to see y'all. Ready to watch some football?

Yeah.

Well, hello, hello, ladies.

Fuck, fuck!

Welcome to my humble abod. Who's ready for some football?

It's abode, jackass.

Sharon, you look so adorable. Look at you. [kisses]

Angela, have you ever looked more beautiful?

Oh, stop it!

Hey! Why don't we get that game going?

- Oh, yeah, let's do it. - We don't wanna miss kick-off.

This week's episode of Northern Exposure--

We'll be back right after this commercial break.

For over 75 years, the UAM CR...

We actually gonna watch some football, Peter,

or we're just gonna watch you play on your nana's TV?

We will be watchin' football

when I get it on the right channel.

- Is half off. - And it's my meemaw's TV.

Band of diet special--

There it is. There we go. [grunts]

The Commonwealth is gonna whoop that ass, baby.

...just don't have the patience right now.

What the fuck?

Uh...

Man, who the fuck are you?

Oh, hi! I'm Neil Pritchard.

Uh, Lester Juric invited me to come over and watch the game.

Yo, what the fuck, man?

You invited some stranger to my house?

That ain't no stranger.

That's Neil, I told you about him!

That's my physical therapist.

Oh, yeah, your physical therapist!

I'm sorry, I forgot. Yo, what's with the get-up, pal?

I was under the impression that this was a costume party.

Nice goin', jackass. You got this man all dressed up

and now you're makin' a damn fool out of him.

Stop being such a jerk, Peter.

Yeah, l-- lighten up, Peter.

Yeah, lighten up.

- What the fuck? - That is a 15-yard penalty

on Peter for being a real ungrateful party host.

Oh, he told you. How's them eardrums, Peter?

Yeah, that's real fuckin' funny.

Welcome to the party, man.

Yeah, don't be such a dick, Peter.

Yo, last time I checked, referees wore pants.

I don't wear pants.

Ain't no football without no drinks, Peter.

Be a better host. Get us some drinks.

Why don't you roll your fuckin' fat ass

in the kitchen and get 'em yourself?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, go easy.

Thank you, Neil.

Oh, man. Oh!

- Yeah. Here we go, here we go. - Yeah, yep.

- War, damn, Seahawk! - War, damn, Seahawk!

Wonderful. Come on.

Oh, my God. Seriously, bro?

Hey, let's order a pizza or something.

Hey. Hey, chill out. The game's on, alright?

Sorry, but I'm hungry.

Not my problem.

No, she's right. Let's go order a pizza.

- Okay. - Mm-hm.

Pepperoni.

- Yep. Yep, yep. - Yeah. Yeah, sure.

Thank you.

...highlighted here by Cordell Billings

out of Moulton, Alabama.

How many damn people does it take to order a pizza?

I've been waiting on you to do that

since you walked in the door.

You know,

we should respect my meemaw's kitchen and um,

go upstairs.

Why don't you go order the pizza, hmm?

Seriously?

Oh, I'm gonna bag that ass.

I'm O'Toole, baby. I'm Peter fucking O'Toole.

Gross.

Why would he do that?

Whoa!

Alright, PJ, we're goin' next door

to watch the game.

- Can I come? - No, it's a grown-up party.

Well, you're just watching football.

Any idiot can do that.

Okay, but you're not gonna have fun.

- Okay. - Alright!

I'm going to a grown-up party!

Just stay in the pocket.

As the game rages on,

and with the sun hanging low in the sky,

Maggie, PJ, and Holcomb begin their trek across the road

to Peter's party house,

unaware these will be the final moments of innocence

they experience in their short lives,

for as darkness falls across Hackleburg,

so too does the long shadow of Jack Harding.

He is a golden god.

Shut the fuck up, Lester!

In all my years coachin' University of Alabama Mobile,

I'm asked from time to time,

Coach, how do you handle a tough loss?

Well, for me, personally,

I like to take a long walk with my dog Frisco,

scratch the belly of my old cat Mr. Magic,

but more and more here in America,

animals are bein' neglected, goin' homeless,

and wind up being euthanized.

So, take some advice from old Coach Redd, won't you?

Make sure you have your cats and dogs spayed

and neutered.

If you won't do it for me...

do it for my old friend Mr. Magic here.

Ain't that right, Magic? Huh?

It's a cat!

Now, you tell em, Coach Redd.

Randy Hale Memorial Stadium

here in Johnson City, Tennessee.

Our score in the late first quarter

is Alabama Mobile, 7, Tennessee A&M, 7.

The hand-off goes off to Riley Rambo

and he's gonna be stuffed

around the 33-yard line by number--

Hey, tryin' to watch a game over here!

Hey, if you could dance, you'd be out here

strutting your stuff, too.

Alright, bucko, I've heard about all I'm gonna hear

outta you tonight.

The fuck you gonna do about it, cripple?

Well, try this on for size, O'Toole.

No, no! No! That's my knife!

You pulled a fuckin' knife on me, Lester?

I expect more of you, Lester. Fucker.

- Now, you gotta pay. - Uh, no, get away!

Where's your fuckin' knife now.

Peter, you asshole.

Get off me. Oh!

What? He tried to pull a fuckin' knife on me.

He's lucky I didn't mess him up royally.

You know what?

You'll get this back with good behavior, you asshat.

You guys, dammit.

Why can't you-- j-- just-- just try and have a good time?

We are havin' a good time.

That's right. You can walk on clouds.

- Yeah. - Nice, soft, fluffy clouds.

Okay.

Yeah. Alright. You're alright. Good.

Hey.

Yeah.

Peter thinks he can get you and Holcomb tonight.

The b-- both of y'all.

What the fuck?

Who does he think we are?

Hey there, little lady. Where'd you come from?

Well, sometimes I'm over there,

sometimes I'm over here,

and sometimes I'm up there.

Alright, then, usually I'm just right here

in this here chair.

Well, you look lonely.

I can teach you how to dance and you can dance with me.

Yeah, okay.

Hey.

- You got room for one more? - Sure do.

Hey, what's the ETA on that pizza?

Hey, Sharon, here's a radical thought.

If you want a pizza, just order it yourself.

Village Pizza. How can I help you?

Hi, I'd like to place an order for delivery.

Can you tell me the address?

Um, yeah, hold on.

450, Red Bank Road.

We don't deliver outside the city limits.

Oh, I understand. I can come pick it up.

Okay. What do you want?

Um, I would just like a pepperoni pizza

and some bread sticks.

Uh, we're out of pepperoni

due to the statewide pepperoni shortage.

Um, cheese is fine.

Name for the order?

Sharon.

Can you spell it?

S-H-A-R-O-N.

Okay, give us 10 to 45 minutes.

Okay, great, thanks.

For nothing.

No.

Okay, so check this out.

- You are not gonna believe this. - What?

George told me that Peter is gonna try to hook up

with both of us tonight.

Are you kidding me? Ugh!

Uh, I literally made out with him.

- No. - Whatever.

I've got a plan.

Well, in that case, let's hear it.

♪ Let's party ♪

♪ Let's party ♪

♪ Let's party ♪

♪ Let's party ♪

♪ Let's party ♪

♪ Let's party ♪

♪ Let's party ♪

You ladies wanna do some more dancing?

Uh, we were actually hoping that you should

show us some dance moves... upstairs.

Yes, absolutely. Let's go.

Meow.

Meow.

Hey, Maggie?

Hey, kiddo. Grown-up party got too boring?

Actually, I'm looking for Glamourpuss.

Right, I'm sure. Okay.

Well, uh, be safe and uh, be clean.

- Bye, Maggie. - Okay, have fun with the dust.

What is she doing back there?

Well, just playin' in dirt. I don't know.

Kids.

We're so glad you're into this, Peter.

Oh, yes.

Yeah, we're so lucky.

Yeah, you really are.

I mean we've been thinking about it forever.

- Really? - Mm-hm.

About... each other...

and you.

- Mm-hm. - Mm-hm.

But you have to let us have our way with you.

Oh, that's not a problem. Go for it, okay.

What are y'all doing?

Um...

Okay. Um...

Uh-- uh, yeah, alright, just put--

Put that right up there.

God, you are like makin' all of my fantasies

come true right now.

And you have no idea.

Shouldn't I be tyin' y'all up, instead of you tyin' me up,

cause, I just-- Oh.

No, we wanna do it this way.

Oh, okay.

We wanna show you our titties.

- Alright, well... - Hmm.

Whose do you wanna see first?

Um, doesn't really matter to me.

How about both at the same time?

Hmm.

What if we get someone else to join in?

Would you want Maggie or Sharon?

If you asked me 10 times,

I would say Maggie's name every fuckin' time.

Like do you really think I wanna see Sharon's titties?

Come on. Maggie.

- We'll be right back. - Okay. Um...

Alright, I'll just wait here.

Yes.

Oh, my God, I'm about to fuck three of the most

bodacious bitches in Hackleburg history.

I deserve this.

And you certainly deserve this. Yeah.

Oh, welcome back.

- They're on their way. - Okay.

Holcomb's trying to talk Maggie into it.

Okay.

Until then...

Ooh, we should take it all off.

I like the sound of that. That's fine with me.

Mm-hm.

It'll be better if nobody can hear you scream.

Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater.

A little birdie told me you wanted to see some titties.

We brought you the biggest ones in Alabama.

Take it in. Take it in.

Isn't this what you wanted, huh?

Isn't this what you wanted?

- Oh, look at that. - Fuck you, man!

One of these days,

whenever I get up out of this chair,

I'mma plop 'em right on top of that red head of yours.

What? They're bigger than mine.

Fuck you, Peter.

Enjoy your alone time.

Bye.

Fuck you, man!

Fucking piece of shit.

What the fuck are you doing, man?

War, damn, Seahawk!

How did they leave him wide open?

Must be painful being an A&M fan.

Uh, you tell her, Neil.

Oh, man, hell of a series by Barker there.

Pouncin' on 'em like kittens on a string.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't know who would want to be a Commonwealth fan.

Wanna go upstairs?

Yeah. Okay.

- Okay? - Yeah.

Who's that?

- What do you mean who's that? - Why is there an old man here?

Oh, man, what a game!

Why is he dressed like a referee?

I don't know.

Okay, I'm going to the bathroom.

Hey, where you going?

To pick up my pizza.

God, it's just pizza.

Hey, you're getting breadsticks?

Stop it. No.

Alright, well...

let's just t--talk.

- Just talk. - Mm-hm.

- Alright, just talk. - Yeah.

Sharon and I are done.

You know, we should say anything to her or...

I mean, she knows that we're-- we're over.

Maybe I should. I've known her my whole life.

Yeah.

Never not told her anything.

Fair, yeah. So, you wanna...

t-- t-- take our time with it?

- If that's okay. - Yeah.

Okay.

I r-- I really like you.

I like you, too.

- Thank you for understanding. - Of course.

What the fuck, man!

♪ It's not for me It's for Anna ♪

♪ And I'm sorry, what a pity ♪

♪ There's nothing left For you and me ♪

♪ Yes, I'm sorry, what a pity ♪

♪ Come back tomorrow I'll see you next week ♪

♪ And whatever you say ♪

♪ No, I won't change my ways ♪

♪ You know I don't feel guilty anyway ♪

That's a silly picture.

Yeah.

Maybe you should head downstairs

before anyone gets suspicious.

I'll hang out here.

- Probably a good idea. - Yeah.

Boop.

And as we reach halftime...

Hey, you were in the bathroom for a really long time.

Are you okay?

Yeah, gross. Be a lady.

Well, it's halftime,

so can we please go to Catfish Cabin?

Oh, wow, let me think about that.

- Please. - Mm, mm, yes.

Really?

- Yes. I said yes. - Do you wanna come?

- I'm game. - Yeah!

Okay. Ooh-wooh, Catfish Cabin!

- Catfish Cabin. - Wooh!

Hey, ladies, y'all be safe, okay?

And be sure to hurry back for the third quarter.

That's when the game gets real fun.

Hey.

Peter, they still got you tied up in there?

Peter?

I just feel like you had it c-- c-- c-- c-- c-- c-- c-- c--

C-- c-- c-- c-- c-- c-- c-- c-- c-- c-- c-- c-- c-- c-- c-- c--

C-- c-- c-- c-- c-- c-- c-- c--

c-- c-- c-- c-- c-- c-- c-- c--

Oh!

Fuck, man! What the fuck!

Hackleburgians,

we invite you to come try the new Catfish Cabin.

It's great.

If you don't believe us, listen to these folks tell you

why we're catfishtastic.

I can't wait to have my birthday at Catfish Cabin.

Catfish Cabin is the best place in town

to bring your entire family.

Everyone should come and eat here.

- Oh, we love Catfish Cabin! - Oh, we love Catfish Cabin!

- This is our favorite restaurant. - This is our favorite diner.

I like their lemon meringue pie.

I like their nanner pudding.

- We both love desserts. - We both love desserts.

They have the best catfish in the country.

And they have great corndogs, too.

We come here every Saturday to watch some football games.

Go, Seahawks!

- Go, Catfish Cabin. - Go, Catfish Cabin.

- We love Catfish Cabin! - We love Catfish Cabin!

- We want you to come! - We want you to come!

Bring your grandma.

Come try our hush puppies and nanner puddin',

located off Highway 17 in Hackleburg,

next to Lone Pine Mall.

Now at locations in Hartselle and Sulligent.

- Thank you. - Thank you, sir.

Hey, y'all let me know if you need anything else, okay?

♪ 59 miles to Jacksonville ♪

♪ Riding together Between the lines ♪

♪ You and me on I-95 ♪

♪ 59 miles to Jacksonville ♪

So, how did things go earlier?

Oh, it was pretty awkward.

I wouldn't even kiss him.

- You didn't kiss him? - No!

Why do I feel like you're lying?

I swear to God I'm not lying.

I feel like I just need to get

Sharon's permission first, or something.

- She's my friend. - Her permission?

♪ Raindrops began to cover our windshield ♪

♪ From a misty morning sky ♪

You know, you guys are my best friends.

- Aw! - Aw!

I mean it.

Today's been one of the best days of my life.

- Really? - Yeah.

Maybe we can do this again next week.

Mm, maybe.

And we're back, folks,

with 9 minutes and 32 seconds remaining in the third quarter.

Tobe, Tennessee A&M is very much in this ball game.

What do they need to finish strong?

I think I should go check on Peter.

What for?

I'm sure he's already got George up there untyin' him.

Hmm.

Peter, it's Angela.

Come on, I'm gonna try to apologize.

God, you're such a dick. Okay, fine! Fine!

You can see my titties.

Angela?

Angela!

- What? Oh, my God. - Angela, right behind you!

That's a 15-yard penalty on Angela

for stayin' in an abusive relationship.

You know, we're lucky.

It's the seventh year in a row since the last murder spree.

I wouldn't call us lucky.

It had nothin' to do with us. We were like 15 the last time.

The last time what?

The last time Jack Harding went on a murder spree.

It's true.

He's the boogeyman of Hackleburg.

He's killed at least 50 people.

And he only comes out on the third Saturday

in October.

You know, that's today, right?

What does he do the rest of the time?

Alright, here's Fanning under center.

Takes a snap and drops back.

- Oh, fuck! - He's looking to go deep.

- Oh, no! - He has a man open.

- No! No, no, no, no! - He's got 'em!

- What a catch! - Son-of-a-bitch!

We need to see the replay for this one.

No, thank you, I do not want to see the replay.

We're good.

Hey, guys.

Oh hey, Sharon.

Look at this nice tight spiral.

Fanning takes the snap and he fumbles it!

This pizza's ice cold.

It was cold by the time I picked it up,

and now it might as well be frozen.

Well hell, just go heat it up in the oven.

I'm sure Peter won't mind.

And if he does, he can suck it.

Good idea, Lester. You think of everything.

And it's so good to see John Rider

back on the field

after being suspended for the last two games

after a reckless driving charge.

Where is everyone?

Uh, Let's see.

George vanished upstairs a long time ago.

Angela went to hook up with Peter.

And Holcomb and Maggie went to Catfish Cabin

with the kid.

What a night. I'm starving.

What, you don't like cold pizza?

There's literally nothing worse than cold pizza.

I'm gonna heat it up

so the cheese is meltin' off each slice.

It's gonna be so good.

Heck, don't get it too hot. You'll burn it.

I won't burn it. I love it hot.

Say, I'd love a slice.

Sure. You guys can have some.

None for me.

I don't eat pizza.

Got it. More for me.

Hey!

Sounds like a rainstorms are comin' in.

Hope not. I hate rain.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Fuck. I can't do anything right.

Dang, I guess she done burned herself

with that pizza.

I told her she was gonna get it too hot.

That's definitely why I don't eat pizza.

- Oh, man. Shit. - Oh, horseshit!

What an incredible play by the Commonwealth!

Damn it.

I think these refs are bein' paid.

I don't know. Maybe.

Oh, God!

- Well, hell. - We oughtta help her.

That sounds like a job for you, Neil.

I'm on it.

Hey, bring me a slice if there's any left.

Hello, Sharon!

Earth to Sharon.

Come in, Sharon.

That's 15-yard penalty on Sharon for burning the pizza.

Seriously, where are you?

She burnt the pizza to a crisp, but I can't find her.

Heck, she must be so embarrassed that she's hidin' away.

I'm attorney Alex Shunnarah.

I can't be pushed around, cause I carry one of these.

- Hey, Neil. - Yeah, buddy.

I hate to bother you, but I gotta go pee.

Yeah, no problem, my friend.

I'll just wheel you over to the bathroom.

Neil, Neil, buddy, the bathroom, it's upstairs.

Oh!

Took everyone in this room to get you up the stairs.

I can't do this myself!

Now is not the time for semantics, Neil!

Maybe we should go untie Peter.

- Where's George? - No!

We can do this!

We? What do you have, a rat in your pocket?

Maybe I do, Neil!

We need help!

You, me, and the rat in your pocket.

Hey, guys, we got an injured player down here!

Guys?

Who doesn't have a bathroom downstairs?

Yeah, just like fuckin' Peter to put his bathroom upstairs.

George?

He can blame his meemaw all he wants.

Peter? Can you guys hear me?

Neil, the game is back on! I'm missin' it!

They can't win unless I'm watchin'!

Hello, Georgie!

Neil!

Hold on just a minute, Lester.

Come help me up, so I can watch the game.

They're going to get a chance to prove it.

Tobe, I see we've got a flag on the play.

Definitely not a good way to start this drive.

Oh, hello there. You gonna give me a hand?

Hey, that's my pocket knife.

Neil!

- Hello? - Neil!

Neil, there's some bastard with a knife coming

up the stairs!

- Neil? - Guys?

I don't think he means

- funny business. - We could use your help.

Oh, my goodness! Oh.

I'm gonna yak.

Neil! Neil!

Deep down field to Billings and...

Neil!

Neil!

Get yourself together, Neil. Okay.

Unhand me!

Oh, my God.

How dare you?

Lester!

Oh my god.

Neil!

Neil, things ain't soundin' too good up there.

Neil!

Kickers are known for getting in their own head...

Maybe y'all are just playin' some kinda prank

on poor old Lester.

Neil!

Oh, no!

I've got to get out of here.

Okay, remember Neil's words.

I am one with the universe.

I can walk on clouds.

I am one with the universe.

I can walk on clouds.

Oh!

♪ I'm not the one ♪

♪ I'm not moving Moving, moving me ♪

Alright, I'm gonna put PJ to bed and I'll be over later.

Okay. I'm sure George will be thrilled.

- Goodnight, Holcomb. - Goodnight.

- You be good, okay? - Okay.

You're special.

So are you.

- Alright, I'll see you. - Bye!

Bye!

Do you think it'd be okay if I stay up and watch my movie?

Mm, I don't know, kiddo. It's way past your bedtime.

Just moments ago, A&M...

Hello? Guys?

Guys?

And that would really mean a lot to me

if I didn't know that the world was controlled

by lizard people...

What the hell is going on?

Guys?

Guys, is everyone okay?

Is Lester okay?

Guys?

Hello?

What the hell did you guys do?

Holcomb, please untie me...

Peter. Holy cow, holy cow, holy cow.

Okay, wait. Oh, wait, hold on.

Oh, I just-- I can't-- Oh, my God, oh, my God.

Holcomb, we gotta get the fuck out of here.

What did you guys do?

What the hell? I can't take--

What the fuck, man?

Oh shit! Oh, shit! God damn it!

Oh! Oh, sh--

Oh! Oh, fuck!

Welcome back to the Witching Hour.

Now, we're going to take a trip down memory lane.

Alabama Mobile has called their last timeout.

They're gonna have time to take one more shot

at the end zone.

You can feel the nervous energy here.

These Commonwealth people are four seconds away

from ending nine years of misery.

We'll return to Randy Hale Memorial Stadium

after this commercial break.

You can't kill Peter fucking O'Toole, baby.

I'm outta here. Oh, fuck!

Oh, no, no, no, no, come on!

Oh, motherfucker. What the fuck are you doin'?

Sh--

Fuck! What the fuck!

...you can test drive the all new 1995...

The only location in the state where it's available right now.

Come on down to Bigelow Delhun

just three rights past the Bronco Burger

on County Road 2.

We're the only business out there,

it's hard to miss us.

And ask for Jeff, but if you see Cindy first,

don't bother.

Tune into Channel 2 News at 10:00 p.m.

with anchors Linda Brock and Gordon Long.

As well as meteorologist Vicki Culpepper

and sports anchor Ryan Graham.

Here we go, partner. This is it!

Barker takes the snap.

He's looking, looking to the end zone.

He lets it fly!

Touchdown! Touchdown!

Cordell Billings caught it!

Alabama Mobile has won the game!

What a finish! What a game! What a third Saturday!

The Mobile fans here are going crazy!

It's bedlam.

They're storming out onto the field.

They're not gonna keep 'em off the field tonight, Roger.

Are you gonna be gone all night?

No, I'm just goin' next door to say bye.

I'll be right back.

Well, I'm gonna get a little scared

being here by myself.

You have nothin' to be scared of.

- It's okay. - What about Jack Harding?

Holcomb was just messing with you.

Jack Harding died a long time ago.

Mm, let's say hypothetically,

if he actually came, what should I do?

If Jack Harding actually came here,

take these two fingers,

you jab 'em right into his eyeballs

stab really far back,

and then you're gonna karate-chop him in his throat

like that, so he can't breathe,

and then you kick him in the balls,

and then you take the sharpest thing

you could find, and stab him.

- Okay? - Okay.

Or you probably don't have to do that,

cause I would never let anything happen to you, okay?

Just leave it all to me. I got you.

- Same. - Okay.

Be back in a jiff.

- Hey, Maggs. - Mm-hm?

Thanks for the catfish.

You got it.

Plenty more catfish dinners to come.

Did we win?

...pick up a sack full today. Three locations...

Peter?

Lester got his revenge, huh?

Very nice work.

Big insurance companies work very hard to make sure

you don't get a fair settlement.

I'm attorney Alex Shunnarah.

I can't be pushed around cause I carry one of these.

Pick up the phone and call us.

- Call him! - Call him!

It's really all I can offer.

Peter?

Don't let the insurance company push you around.

- Call me and I'll be... - Peter?

Tune into Channel 2 News at 10:00 p.m.--

With anchors Linda Brock...

Holcomb? [panting]

Hello, Alabamians, this is...

Faye Moss with an important campaign message.

My opponent Dean Klooster recently admitted

he's been in therapy for over 30 years.

As your Governor, I want you to know that

I have never, nor will I ever,

step foot in a therapists office...

I-- I don't know what's goin' on.

I just got here, all my friends are dead, please.

PJ.

PJ!

PJ!

PJ?

PJ?

PJ?

I killed him! I killed him!

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry I wasn't here.

That-- that's-- that's not right.

PJ, go, run to the car, run!

He's a zombie. He's a zombie. He's a zombie!

Fuck!

PJ, knife. Run, PJ, go!

Oh.

How's it goin', Winston?

Thanks.

Lot of bodies in there, man.

B-- bodies? Like dead bodies?

Happy third fucking Saturday in October.

Help! Help!

There's a zombie in my friend's house!

What the fuck is goin' on?

As Harding's undead corpse bleeds out

on Maggie's living room floor,

news of his latest killing spree spreads like brushfire

throughout Hackleburg.

Typically, this would be front-page news

across the state of Alabama.

Only today is the third Saturday in October

and breaking news

from Coach Amos Redd's postgame press conference

quickly takes center stage.

...little bit of emotion.

And I tell you that at the end

of this collegiate football season

I have decided to retire.

When that uh, final whistle blows,

I would have coached 25 years

here at the University of Alabama Mobile

and um--

In that 25 years, I have uh, been the proud papa

of five national titles and um,

11 Southland Conference winning teams,

and I am so proud of every one of 'em.

Now, um, as Sir Isaac Newton once said...

"If it seems as I can see further, then--"

And as the Amos Redd era ends in Mobile.

So, too, does this chapter of the third Saturday

in October.

The story, however, has only just begun.

Imma let you handle this.

You have to keep them separated, okay?

Keep them away from each other!

Just get them upstairs to surgery now!

Sir. Sir. Sir, this is Jack Harding.

The man barely has a pulse.

And if you ask me, we should let this monster die.

Do I look like Jack Kevorkian to you?

Get this man upstairs, so I can work my magic.

C'mon, where's this damn elevator?

Oh, yo, come on, doc, man, this man is done.

He's already dead, he's got a knife in his face!

Don't look at it, it makes it worse.

Come on!

It's okay, kiddo. You go take the stairs.

You're gonna need this.

We put a man on the moon, we can't get a faster elevator.

Come on, come on!

Alright, let's go.

Just get in here, come on!

Ladies and gentlemen, this is my defining moment.

What's up with this damn elevator?

You know, you're handling this really well for a little girl.

Yeah, I can deal with conflict.

Well, don't worry.

That bad man's not gonna hurt anybody else.

He's as good as dead.

Yeah, right. He'll never be dead.

♪ Moon shining down ♪

♪ Through the cracks ♪

♪ On the shadowy wooden floors ♪

♪ Somewhere in a dream ♪

♪ I'll climb the stairs ♪

♪ With the missing steps ♪

♪ If I fall ♪

♪ I'll just fall in love ♪

♪ With you ♪

♪ The evening ♪

♪ Summer breeze ♪

♪ Met the skin ♪

♪ And made the heart sing ♪

♪ Somewhere in a dream ♪

♪ I'll climb the stairs ♪

♪ With the missing steps ♪

♪ If I fall ♪

♪ I'll just fall in love ♪

♪ With you ♪

♪ And the rain began to fall ♪

♪ In reverse ♪

♪ It's exactly like a dream ♪

♪ Like a dream ♪

♪ And the rain began to fall ♪

♪ In reverse ♪

♪ It's exactly like a dream ♪

♪ Like a dream ♪

♪ And the rain began to fall ♪

♪ In reverse ♪

♪ It's exactly like a dream ♪

♪ Like a dream ♪

♪ And the rain began to fall ♪

♪ In reverse ♪

♪ It's exactly like a dream ♪

♪ Like a dream ♪

♪ And the rain began to fall ♪