Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

[intense music]

Heh heh heh heh.

Yes, my pretties.

Show me the money!

Heh heh heh heh.

Huh? Huh?

zap zap zap

Sorry to rain on your parade, Penguin.

Heh. I'm always prepared for inclement weather.

[grunting]

Chop-chop, Batman. Waah!

[intense music]

[engine revving]

A Bat without wings? Heh heh heh heh.

vroom

[upbeat music]

Aah!

[Penguin grunting]

Oh! Ow! Whoa! Aah! Uhn!

[can tinkles]

[groans]

Yeech. Huh. What?

Back to your cage, Penguin.

Not before we rattle yours.

"We?"

Unh. Ah!

[groans]

[car engine starts]

[Penguin laughing]

[theme music]

[beeping]

[music continues]

♪ The Batman ♪

[wings flapping]

[instrumental music]

[traffic bustling]

For once, I have got to pull a job someplace that Batman isn't.

Huh? Stop the car!

[tires screeching]

(woman on TV) 'He's known by many labels.'

'Billionaire, philanthropist, socialite.'

'But who is the real Bruce Wayne?'

You.

(woman on TV) 'Despite a larger-than-life public persona'

'Bruce Wayne has privately managed to remain...a mystery.'

Baah!

'Join me, Melanie Bramwell'

for the first-ever in-depth interview

with Gotham's most-eligible bachelor

next Tuesday at 9:00 on "A Day In The Life.."

[glass shatters]

If there's anyone I despise more than the Batman

it's Wayne! He's got looks and money.

Yes, money.

Wayne's money.

[birds chirping]

[clock ticking]

[whirring]

[instrumental music]

Oh, it's about time, Master Bruce.

The television people will be here any moment.

You sure I have to go through with this, Alfred?

Need I remind you, it's vitally important

that you cultivate your public image.

But Melanie Bramwell has a reputation

for making private lives a little too public.

I could be flirting with disaster.

Yes, well, unfortunately, avoiding the press

only piques their curiosity.

Oh, fine. When is this thing supposed to start?

[doorbell rings]

"A Day In The Life.." From breakfast to bedtime.

Heh.

You...are gonna edit this part out right?

Don't count on it.

I pride myself on catching my subjects off-guard.

After all, I'm here to get to know the real Bruce Wayne.

- Nice digs. - Roomy.

Well, wait till you see my office.

I'll show you the rest of the mansion after dinner.

To Wayne Industries, then.

[thunder rumbling]

[instrumental music]

[doorbell rings]

Ah, it's hours until dinnertime.

Coming! Coming.

Back so...Soon?

Longtime no see, jeeves.

Blast.

[intense music]

buzz

(Penguin) 'Ooh, it's getting dark.'

Good thing I brought my evening jacket.

And since my little birdies cut phone and power

we won't have any interruptions

while we catch up, old chum.

- Heh! - Huh!

Now, where is Old Brucie?

Master Bruce is in the city

on very important business.

Ya, runway for us, Bruce.

You see, bold colors project

such an aura of confidence for Mr. Wayne.

Wish I had a personal stylist.

Then while we await Brucie's return

you and I are gonna have some fun.

[thunder rumbling]

Ah-eee!

[laughing]

[dramatic music]

[humming]

I must insist that you leave the premises at once.

Without settling scores with Wayne?

Nah!

Bulls-eye! I mean, bird's-eye.

[laughs]

But what has Master Bruce ever done to you?

[thunder rumbling]

Oh, nothing, nothing, really

except own everything that should rightfully belong to me!

I am from noble blood.

The Cobblepots were once the toast of society!

I am a Cobblepot!

[Timer dings]

Huh?

[sniffs] Eh, what's cooking?

[intense music]

[sighs]

[grunts]

Ooh, now we're talkin'.

The perfect crime... dinner and a burglary.

[thunder rumbling]

[grunts]

[cell phone beeps]

[cell phone ringing]

(Penguin) Oh, jeevesie.

[thunder rumbling]

Your roast is overcooked.

[intense music]

[belches]

- What you got there, jeeves? - What? Nothing?

Giving Old Brucie a jingle, huh?

Good idea.

[cell phone beeping]

(Bruce) 'Wayne industries contains over a dozen separate divisions'

including electronics, engineering

and biomedical research. And it's all cutting-edge.

(Melanie) 'And it's all yours at the ripe old age of 26.'

[cell phone rings]

Oh, would you excuse me for a moment?

Wayne.

[Penguin laughing]

(Penguin) 'Guess who, Brucie!'

- Sheila. - Huh? No, it's Penguin.

Is this 555-43--

Oh, of course I remember.

Bruce Wayne never forgets a pretty voice.

I'm home with jeeves and he wanted me to tell you

dinner's getting cold.

For you, sugar, I'd drop anything.

And no police, or the Butler gets it. Get it?

beep

That's a rap. I, uh, have a friend in need.

No problem. The camera loves drama.

Sorry, Mel. Where I'm going, cameras are strictly off-limits.

What now?

[Elevator dings]

Dinner.

[dramatic music]

Top floor, ugly furniture, tacky artwork, bad Feng Shui.

Time to redecorate the bachelor pad.

Waah! Oh. Huh? Whazzat?

[thunder rumbles]

I say, it's the Batman.

What? How'd you find me this time?

It's what I do.

Grr..

Hello? Anyone home? Hello?

Your power's out.

[clanking]

[grunting]

[dramatic music]

[laughing]

[grunting]

Alfred, is that you?

[clanking]

[gasps] Batman.

Go, before you get hurt.

[grunting]

[groans]

Oh, dear.

[Penguin laughs]

Well, now, what have we here?

[gasps]

Don't harm us, Mr. Penguin.

Oh, you're that reporter from TV.

So where's Wayne?

I'm beginning to wonder myself.

Well, forget him! Penguin's your star now.

I'll give you an exclusive right over here.

The true identity of the Batman.

[gasps]

Get ready for your close-up.

[intense music]

[thunder rumbles]

[Penguin laughing]

Mr. Freeze couldn't bring the heat.

Catwoman needed sharper claws.

'Not even that screw-loose Joker'

'could pull off what I'm about to.'

The cowl of the Bat.

Wakey-wakey, eggs and bac-key.

Ladies and gentlemen

I give you the man beneath the Bat.

[Batman groans]

Unbelievable.

That's for ruining my roast.

Huh!

Wha.. Oh, you'll pay for that, old man.

Heh heh heh heh.

[intense music]

Huh?

Arrghh!

Rematch.

Round two, then.

Make him a bat fillet.

[dramatic music]

[grunting]

[gasps] The tape.

I've got it. Oopsy.

No!

Clumsy me.

Quick, load another one.

[grunts]

[laughs]

[whirring]

[music continues]

[rumbling]

[crashing]

Heh heh heh heh. Huh?

[grunting]

I can't get a break here.

[intense music]

Hurry. We're missing everything.

[thunder rumbling]

[both grunting]

You should learn to play nice, Penguin.

Why? I hate your guts.

Tweet-tweet. Fresh bat, my pretties.

[birds squawking]

[groans]

We'll win the Pulitzer Prize for this.

I love the four seasons, Batman, especially fall!

clink

Ah!

[grunts]

Brawk!

[grunting] Yaah!

[glass shattering]

Aah!

Unh!

[whimpers]

You're all wet.

- Get it all? - I hope so. It's a dark night.

The dark knight. Now, that has a ring to it.

[engine revving]

Mel? What are you.. What's going on here?

A long story. The Batman just..

What?

Funny how you and the Batman have never been

in the same place at the same time tonight.

Look, right there.

It's the, uh, dark knight.

[dramatic music]

[lightning crashing]

[instrumental music]

[engine revving]

[sirens blaring]

Well, excitement's over.

Shall we finish that interview?

Thanks, Bruce, but I've decided to go with a different subject.

There seems to be more to Penguin than meets the eye.

Looks like I stole one thing from you after all, Brucie.

The spotlight.

[cackling]

[sirens blaring]

C'est la vie.

[engine revving]

Now, didn't I tell you?

Oh, I know, I know. Flirting with disaster.

You were right in more ways than you know.

[instrumental music]

I was...in a hurry.

[theme music]

♪ The Batman ♪