All language subtitles for The Conners S02E12 Live from Lanford 1080p Amazon WEB-DL DD+ 5.1 x264-TrollHD_track3_[eng]

Grandpa, when can we close
the door?

I'm freezing.

I can't feel my nose,

but I don't know if that's
a finger thing

or a nose thing.

First, I gotta fix
the leak

so the outlet doesn't
short out again.

Once the smoke smell
is gone,

we can put the TV back
and close the door.

At least it was warm
for a second

when the flame shot out
of the wall.

You know what? We're all
uncomfortable right now.

Suck it up.

Hey, just because
you're in a bad mood,

don't take it out
on Mark.

He's a sweet,
innocent kid...

who does
all our laundry.

There's stuff sitting
in the dryer, by the way.

I'm sorry, kid.
It's not you.

I got some stuff going on.

That's okay.

But is it gonna keep you
and Louise from coming

to my a cappella concert?

I can't hang on to these
house seats forever.

Uh, Louise isn't
gonna make it.

She's not too happy
with me right now.

But I'll keep both seats

in case I nod off
and fall to the side.

Okay, I found something
we can all have for dinner

while we warm our hands
on the trash-can fire

I'm gonna start right here
in the kitchen.

Three boxes of mac-and-cheese,
and they're all open,

and the cheese packets
are missing.

We've been the victims
of a very odd burglary.

Alright.
That's on me.

The nacho chips we bought
at the auto-parts store

didn't have enough
cheese on them,

so I re-cheesed them
with the packets.

Well, we can probably put
something else on it.

We got Chinese mustard packets
and red chili flakes.

So just throw that
on the macaroni

and see who
taps out first.

Another way
to solve this problem

is by somebody
going shopping.

No.

I've got three hours
of the New Hampshire primary

I have to watch for
school tomorrow,

and I'd like some snacks.

That's great.

I think it's important for kids
to learn how politics work.

Yeah, the early primaries
are exciting.

That's where you get to see
the candidates with integrity

and vision right before
the rich ones swoop in

and crush them with their
corporate campaign dollars.

Wow, Mom.
That's pretty cynical.

I think -- I think people
with integrity and vision

can make it all the way
to President.

Like George Washington.

He was rich.
He didn't want it.

They forced him.

Okay, then Lincoln.

Shot.

Hamilton.

Yeah, he was good,
but he wasn't President.

He's just a character
in a really cool musical

we'll never be able
to afford to see.

Oh, and shot.

You can't stop me from being
optimistic about this country.

Everybody has the right
to be heard.

Did you know that anyone
can just pick up the phone

and call the White House?

No way. If you can't
call The Rock,

you can't call
the White House.

Watch.

Thank you for calling
the White House comment line --

Hey, hey.
Are you crazy?

They're gonna trace
this back to us

and put us on
the no-fly list.

When was the last time
any of us flew?

If they ever put us
on the no-bus list,

then we'll have
a problem.

Oh. W-Why are you scared
of the government?

They work for us.

You can even tweet the President
and tell him what you want.

I'm not scared.

"Hi, @realDonaldTrump.

Since you work for us,

could you send us some
cheese packets for our macaroni?

This is @realmaryconner
from Lanford, Illinois,

where Chicago is."

He'll probably answer back.

That guy loves to tweet.

That's how we learn
where our military is.

Hey!

Look who's here.

It's good to live
on your own,

but you miss your mommy,
don't you?

No, gross.

My laptop died.

I wanted to see if it
came with a warranty.

Of course it did.

She'll just send it back
where she bought it.

She'll mail it to "Guy on
off-ramp with old army jacket."

Yeah.

Well, we're gonna
have to figure out

how to get me a new one.
Are you insane, woman?

We don't even have food.

I'm just take Mark's.
Uh, no!

It's mine.

And I'm gonna need it to write
my report on the primary.

I'll write it for you.

"The primaries are cool
because I'm a dork

and all my best friends
are my teachers."

Hey.

Just because
your brother's a dork

doesn't mean you can
have his computer.

Yeah, and you should be taking
this election seriously.

You're finally
old enough to vote.

And whoever wins
New Hampshire

is the early leader
for the nomination.

Oh, no. What happens if the
person that I don't care about

gets the nomination
over the other person

that I don't care about?

All politicians
are the same.

No, they're not.

Yes, some of them
are terrible,

but if you do some research,
you'll find that

some of them are really,
really terrible.

If you vote,
you'll be proud

that you helped elect somebody
who is just terrible.

And that way, when
your politician screws you,

you can say,
"That's my guy!" Or gal!

"The Conners" is
filmed in front of
a live studio audience.

Hey, Louise.

Hey, Darlene.
What's up?

Well, we were on our way
to the grocery store,

but that seemed like
a lot of work,

so we came here.

Oh, Becky, I was just
gonna call you.

Um, I'm leaving on tour
with my band on Wednesday.

I was wondering
if there's any way

that you could cover
my shift for a week

until my replacement starts.

Sure. How long are
you gonna be gone?

At least three months.

Wow.

Dad didn't mention
you were going on tour.

He didn't?
No.

Yeah. I bet he was upset when
he found out you were leaving.

Did he tell you
he didn't want you to go?

No, he told me he thought
it was a great opportunity

and I should take it.

So I'm taking it.

Dad is an idiot
for letting her go.

A woman in this town with that
waistline and no meth problem?

You're not gonna find that.

Yeah, I bet
he already regrets it.

That's why he's been
in such a bad mood.

He's afraid she's gonna meet
somebody on the road.

Why would Louise
cheat on Dad?

They're dating.
Are they, though?

The one time I saw them touch,
they were sitting on the couch,

he nodded off
and fell to the side.

I can't believe Dad's gonna
totally blow it with Louise

and there's nothing
we can do about it.

Uh, hell yeah there is.

Dad hasn't dated
in like over 45 years.

It's like chipping a Neanderthal
out of the ice.

We can't just shave him
and throw him on Tinder.

We gotta step in.

Okay, so, what you're saying --
You're gonna get Dad

to tell Louise that
he loves her in two days?

He's never even
said that to me.

Take a hint and move on.

Look, we all know that Dad
opens up when he drinks, right?

So we just fake a little
going-away party for Louise,

we get a few shots
in him,

and then maybe he'll
tell her how he feels

and cement
the relationship.

That's a great idea.
No, it's not.

No, it's not.

Look, i-it's all I got.

Do you want to be helping Dad
off the pot when he's 80?

I'm back to liking it.

Louise, I couldn't help
overhearing,

even though my Nana calls
eavesdropping the Devil's radio,

but, um, I work with Dan
every day,

and no matter what he says,

he's gonna be missing his lady
like crazy.

I'm not his lady,
Dwight.

And between us,

Dan couldn't commit to
having a real relationship,

so I broke up with him.

Louise, I am shook.

But I can understand what
a tough nut to crack Dan is.

This one time, he and I
had a few beers,

throwing firecrackers
at one another.

I made the mistake
of opening up.

But it's okay.

I didn't say
"I love you" for him.

I said it for me.

Yeah, I feel your pain,
Dwight.

I'm just glad
I'm going on this tour.

I really don't want to
see him right now.

So we get 'em
in the same room together

and just let
the magic happen.

I think Dad's really gonna
thank us for getting involved.

Maybe your dad will.

My dad is a vengeful god
who will strike us down

and scatter our bones to
the four corners of the Earth.

Hm.

Maybe.
But up until then,

it's a party, bitches!

Whoo!

Like Donald Trump,
we know...

What's the update
on New Hampshire?

They're saying
Bernie won it,

but there could be
some Russian hacking.

Putin's in second.

Ha!

The Russians are so bad
at hacking,

he's only in second.

Seriously,
how's Buttigieg doing?

You're only asking me
because we're both gay.

No, just thought you were really
into...mayors.

Okay, I'm sorry
I made the assumption

that Buttigieg
was your candidate.

That was pretty unevolved
on my part.

Hey. Oh.

You're watching
the primary?

How's your boyfriend doing?

Wow, Ben.

Some people
don't get it, right?

He's an excellent politician
and qualified to be President.

But he's not necessarily my
candidate just because he's gay.

Did all black people
vote for Obama?

Yeah, pretty much.

About 96%.

Beverly Rose is asleep.

Can I get my babysitting
money now?

Here you go.

You get the other half if
you're here when I get back.

Fine.

Man:
That's a record, Rick Klein.
Uh, any idea...

Is the primary
almost over?

Yeah, uh, Klobuchar
held at 20%.

Her hair is taking credit
for the strong showing.

Eh, it doesn't matter.

Bloomberg just bought
the entire state

and renamed it
New Bloomshire.

Is your boyfriend
still in the running?

Oh, my God!

When you don't take
this seriously,

you get the government
you deserve.

It just so happens that Pete
has a lot of interesting ideas

about healthcare
and a puggle rescue

that is incredibly cute.

Becky, we better go. We got
to get there before your dad.

Aw, man, Warren only got
9% of the vote.

Becky:
Oh, that's too bad.

You know she's in
the Oklahoma Hall of Fame

along with, uh,
Tom Joad, Doonesbury,

and, uh,
Foghorn Leghorn.

Ugh.

If we have to watch
this stupid thing,

then let me have
the laptop.

I got to study
for my GED.

Uh, what does GED
stand for?

General
equivalency degree.

There, you just passed.

Uh, no.

You're not even
gonna study.

You're just gonna
take an edible

and then surf the web
for post-ironic T-shirts.

What the hell?!

You almost broke my laptop,
you psycho.

You don't care
about my stuff.

You don't care about
anything but yourself.

Relax, it's not broken.

You don't live here,
so why don't you just leave?

And don't say goodbye
this time either.

What?

You're mad that
I moved out?

Yeah.
You just walked out

and left me here
with these crazy people.

Hey, whoa, you don't get
to make me feel guilty

just because I'm trying
to live my own life.

If you look around at our
family, you might not know it,

but people are supposed
to move out.

I have no one
to talk to now.

I told Grandpa that
I had a boy crush,

and we ended up watching
"Spartacus"

and eating a bucket
of fried chicken.

So you got KFC.
What's your problem?

You know what?

I do have a problem,

but it's a waste of time
talking to you.

Screw you!

We only have one TV
in the house.

You have to leave.

I -- Well, first, I think
the loser is certainty.

Oh, hey, Beck.

Thanks for offering to close up.
It's pretty dead.

I'm just gonna
go home and pack.

Where the hell
are D.J. and Dad?

Louise is gonna leave.

I'll stall her.

Wait!

I'm not gonna see you
for a while,

and, uh, I just want to let
you know what an inspiration

you are to me and all the things
you've taught me.

Uh, like putting rice
in the salt shakers. Thanks.

All: Surprise!

It's your going-away party.

You told me
she already left.

Yes, I did.

Uh, you know, you guys,
this is really sweet,

but I have to get home.

Wait, not until we get a good
picture of you guys together.

Yeah,
that's a great idea.

That way you can have
a picture of Dan

that you can take
with you on the road.

They change so fast
at this age.

Louise, I knew nothing
about this.

Aw, hold on a sec.
I can't get it off selfie.

Why didn't you tell your family
we broke up?

Because if I talk to my family,
that just encourages them

to talk back to me.

Aw, Jiminy Christmas,
now it's on landscape.

Hold on.

Well, look, I-I don't want
to embarrass anybody.

Let's just
do this quick,

and you can tell them
when I leave.

Okay, I got it.
Dan: Alright.

Oh, wow, this
is really great.

But, uh,
I have to get home.

I'm leaving so early
in the morning.

Then why go to bed
at all?

Let's do some shots.

To Louise,
we're gonna miss you.

All: To Louise!

Mm. To Dan,
who's gonna miss Louise.

All: To Dan!

To Louise and Dan,
who will miss each other.

All:
To Louise and Dan!

Darlene, stop.

Okay, Dad,
then you make a toast.

To Louise.
I said stop.

I know what you're doing,
and I don't want to do this.

Louise, wait.

Let me take you home.

No, I need this to end.

And I really need you
to leave me alone.

Sorry, guys.

...why the President
hasn't targeted Mayor Pete

really at all besides
making fun of his name.

Hey, I checked
the primary on my phone.

Did you notice
all the candidates

are like a gentrified
neighborhood?

All rich, white,
or gay.

Aunt Jackie's back.

She'll watch the baby now.
You can leave.

Look, I'm not
going anywhere.

I want to hear about
this problem you've got.

You know, you're just doing this
because I made you feel guilty.

That's the only reason
anyone does anything good.

Come on, spill the tea.

Remember Austin?

Well, we kind of
got together again,

but he ignores me
because he -- at --

he ignores me at school
because he doesn't want

anyone to know he's gay.

He even makes fun of me
sometimes,

and it makes me feel
really bad about myself,

but I like him.

Dump his ass.

But it's not
all his fault.

His family doesn't
accept him for who he is.

That does not give him the right
to treat you like crap.

Boy, bye.

But -- But he -- But --
Nope.

You wanted me back in your life,
you got me back in your life.

From now on, you're running
all of your boyfriends by me.

And if you ever get a boyfriend,
you can run him by me.

Hey, I'm a strong,
independent woman.

Therefore, I'm alone.

Who's ahead?

Uh, I don't know.
The "Bachelor" promos

at the bottom of the screen
keep covering it up.

How'd the party go?

Well, it was a going-away party,
and she certainly went away.

Nice job.

You threw a party for two people
who broke up last week.

You broke up?
Why didn't you tell us?

Because it's none
of your damn business!

Got it.
What happened?

Oh, my God.

You're never gonna stop,
are ya?

Louise broke up with me because
I wasn't ready to commit.

And now...you've
made it worse.

Whoa. Don't blame us.

You have been dragging your feet
with her forever.

We were trying to give you
a chance to make it right.

I was gonna make it right
when I was ready.

I've been having a hell of
a time getting over your mom,

so I went to church.

You went to church?

Yes, I went to church.

They were having a rummage sale,
so I drifted in.

I was looking for a new radio
for the truck,

and I figured...nobody's gonna
screw you in a church.

Anyway,
the Father was there,

and I told him
what was bothering me.

So what'd he say?

Don't laugh.

But he told me
to write a letter to your mom

about how guilty
I was feeling about Louise,

and then set it on fire so I
could let it go and move on.

Did you do it?

No.

I was gonna do it in two weeks
for your mom's birthday

and then talk to Louise.

But...it's pointless.

She never wants
to see me again.

Oh, come on, Dad.

So you're just
gonna give up

and become one of those
weird old dudes

that goes to the DMV
to be around people?

Just let us help you.
We can figure something out.

No, "we" aren't gonna
figure anything out.

I'm gonna figure it out
in my time, in my way.

Fine. It's all you.

When you say "in my time,"
are we talking months, years?

Just give us a ballpark.

Go to your room.

We are not children.

You want to pay rent?
N--
Go, Becky, go!

Whit, your last thought
as we head into Nevada,

as we've run out of time
here...

Hello?

Hi, this is Hillary Clinton,

and I'm calling on behalf
of the Democratic Party.

Stupid robo call.

No, people have accused me
of being a robot

but this is really
Hillary Clinton.

It's her!

She must be trying
to get people to vote!

Uh, hello?
Uh, hang on.

Let me get where there's
better reception.

Okay.
This is better.

I-I see that you've just
turned 18, Harris.

And this is a very
important election.

You know, as I gaze upon
the Lincoln Memorial

here in our nation's capital,

I think about the role of women
in this election,

and how we are stronger
together.

Uh, hey, while you're
in the nation's capital,

would you mind
cleaning the lint trap?

Aw!

Harris, just vote.

Why?

Because some of
these people

are trying to help you.

Sanders and Warren want
to pay for your college tuition.

Biden wants to
decriminalize marijuana.

And Klobuchar wants to
offer you affordable housing.

Wow. Well, I do want
to go to college,

but after I bomb out from
smoking too much weed,

I'm gonna need
a spot to crash.

I'll vote for them.

This country is doomed.