All language subtitles for The Conners S02E03 The Preemie Monologues 1080p Amazon WEB-DL DD+ 5.1 x264-TrollHD_track3_[eng]

Ugh! I've just gone through
the entire house!

You forgot to buy
toilet paper!

Seriously,
what kind of mom are you?

Well, look, I just got home
from Ben's.

Use the phone book
like I used to.

We don't have phone books
anymore.

It's not the 1800s,
Nana.

Does anyone realize
we're out of toilet paper?

I cannot go at school.
There's no doors on the stalls.

This is a problem.

If you can't wait, can't you
just use Kleenex or a napkin?

No, because we use toilet paper
for both those things.

This place sucks!

You need to get
your life together.

Whoa.

I didn't take you to a doctor
for seven years,

and you're losing it
over toilet paper?

What's your problem?

You're my problem.

Hurry home.
Miss you.

I was so happy
when you had kids

because I knew
we'd be here one day.

You know what?
I don't get it.

I mean, Harris and I fight,
but right now,

she's being so angry
and sarcastic.

I mean, that doesn't run
in our family at all.

Could be anything.

You know we're out of
toilet paper, right?

Walk away, old man.

I'm assuming
you're Joanna,

although she was supposed
to be here at 10:00,

and it's 10:05,

so it's hard to say.

We need to tighten up
the schedule here.

-Hey.
-Hey.

-Hey.
-Hello.

Brought you
a change of clothes.

How you feeling?
You look like hell.

It's hard
to look glamorous

when your shower
is a bathroom sink

and your deodorant
is hand sanitizer.

Becky, go home
and get some sleep.

We'll stay
with the baby.

Alright.

I'll leave after
the night nurse takes over.

I like her.

I'll take the first shift.
Great.

Then when I get here,

I'll tell you
what you did wrong,

I'll fix it,

and I'll make
a training manual

so it never happens
again.

Hey, Jackie,

could you go down
to the cafeteria

and get me a grilled cheese?
I'm starved.

How about we change
the grilled cheese

to a spinach salad --
lots of iron.

And some orange juice will
help you absorb the iron.

-Sure.
-I'll take the grilled cheese.

And a Coke to help me
absorb the cheese.

Thank you!

You're an angel!

Get her out of here.

This morning, she was
walking around the incubator,

snapping her fingers

to see if the baby
has directional hearing.

Alright, we just have
to be delicate with her.

Her life blew up,
and she's looking

for some kind of purpose
for herself through our lives.

I'd take Jackie's shift,
but I got a poker game tonight.

Aw.

It sounded so selfish.

No, it didn't, Grandpa.

You work hard.
You deserve to play poker.

They don't care what you want.

"The Conners" is filmed

in front of
a live studio audience.

Check, please.

You know, Louise,

I've been undressing you
with my eyes for an hour.

Why don't you come back
to my place?

We can see
if I'm right.

Hey, Louise.

Hey, Dan.
What'll you have?

Not another case of
what you gave me last time.

Finally got rid of
those stubborn bastards.

I still use that little comb
for my eyebrows.

You know, you could've pretended
you're my boyfriend

and not that I got
some sort of infestation.

From the looks
of that guy,

I didn't even think that
would be a deal-breaker.

Well, maybe next time,
you'll try the boyfriend thing.

You get
a clean bill of health

and we'll talk about it.

So, what's the update
with Becky and Lil Bev?

We're gonna start taking turns
watching her.

Tonight's my turn.

Oh, man.

Sitting in that NICU
all night --

that's rough.

I did it
for a cousin.

Just breaks your heart.

Well, a free beer would
certainly help me deal with it.

Lucky for you,
it's Preemie Grandpas Night.

You know,
let me come with you.

You're gonna
need company.

It's just
gonna be family.

I couldn't ask you
to do that.

You could.

But I guess
you're not.

Some other time.

Oh.

I overstepped.

I was trying to support you
in a difficult time,

and that kind of thing
shouldn't go unpunished.

I haven't had
a real conversation in a bar

for a long time.

I do not like it.

Hey.
Ready for my shift.

Pack up your chair
and skedaddle.

Guess what?

The baby's
coming home Friday.

Oh, that's fantastic,
right?

I mean,
that's great.

Your face
isn't saying it's great.

My face just read
this letter

from Assistance
for Needy Families.

I was approved,

and then they said
I made too much

because of my tips
at Casita Bonita.

I failed at being poor.

And look
at this list

of special preemie stuff
I need.

Oh, you don't need
all that stuff.

A scale?

You can just take the baby
to the grocery store

and weigh her
in the produce department --

diaper on, of course.

I can't even afford
the basic stuff.

Diapers are like
25 bucks a box.

I'm just gonna have to
hold the baby over the box.

Becky, go home.

We will figure this out
tomorrow.

I'm gonna
figure this out tonight.

I'm going now,
honey.

I am so proud of you

for all the breathing
and the growing.

She loves me.

So don't talk crap
about me.

Hey.

So, how was your day?

Okay, now me.

Your cousin Harris
is being a little monster.

Normally, I can handle it,

but I'm stressed
out of my mind right now

because I'm sleeping
with two guys.

Don't give me that look, girl.

You like your auntie,
don't you?

I remember when Harris used to
hold my finger like that.

Okay, you can let go now.

Alright.

Wow, you're pretty strong

for somebody
with no bones in their body.

Oh, by the way,
Dan,

if Anne-Marie calls,
this time, I'm here.

Yeah, for some reason,
the lies led to fights.

Well, that's because
your lies suck.

You know where
I am right now?

At the ER
with a friend.

Spotty signal, and I can't
really talk right now

because at
this very moment,

I'm pressing my hand
against his carotid artery

to prevent him
from bleeding out.

No dispute.
What can she say?

Bingo!

What if she asks
who's the friend?

Well,
now that you asked,

I'm gonna say
it's you.

Yeah, I got
a cheat sheet here.

Got everything
you need to know.

Road rage encounter,
hunting-knife wound,

light aircraft
crashes on highway.

Eh, it's all here.

That's a lot of work
to stay in a bad marriage.

My hat's off to you.

I'll take her
off your hands.

You got a picture?

Yeah,
I got one.

Private investigator
took it.

Ah, there she is.

That's my brother
coming out of the shower.

Well,
he's a younger,

better-looking version
of you.

You get it, right?

I can see
both sides of it.

I got your text, Dan.
What's up?

I gotta get over
to the hospital.

I'm out.

I just need to talk
for a minute.

Let's go in the living room.

Listen, I know
you were looking forward

to seeing
the baby tonight,

but I was hoping
I could take your shift

so I could bond
with the baby.

No can do.

I spent all day developing
a list of Chinese phrases

for the nurses to use
on the baby.

She's just lying there,

so she might as well
learn something.

You could say that about
any member of our family.

Truth is,
Becky doesn't want you there.

You're driving
everybody nuts.

Aww.

Féicháng shiwàng.

What?

It means "very disappointing"
in Mandarin.

Well,
here's the upside --

you've always wanted to play
in the poker game.

Tonight's the night.

You'd be doing me
a huge favor.

Well, if Becky
doesn't want me around,

I might as well
play poker.

I got to tell you,

I'm feeling defeated and useless
and just beat to hell.

Add hopeless and horny,

and you'll fit right in
with the rest of the guys.

Here's your check.
I'll be right back.
Thank you.

Becky,
you just had a baby.

You're not supposed to work
for another two weeks.

Don't worry.

I'm wearing an adult diaper
for leakage down here...

and I've got nursing pads
for leakage up here.

And if I just sit
every couple minutes,

the dizziness
goes away.

You should not
be here.

No,
I should not.

But I have a kid coming home
any day now,

and that means rent,
bills, baby supplies --

Excuse me?

I'm sorry, I can't quite read
what this says.

It says,
"I'm Becky.

I just had
a four-pound baby.

The father, Emilio,
a poor busboy,

was deported to Mexico."

But leave whatever you feel
is appropriate.

Two lousy bucks?

I owe the hospital hundreds
of thousands of dollars,

and I am totally
on my own.

Let me have your wallets!
All of you!

Becky, stop.

Fine.

Oh!

Well, thank you, Becky.

Wonderful.

You know, we are kinda new
to the dinner-theater thing.

Let us know
how we're doing.

Good time to talk?

Not really,
but whatever.

Okay.

So, today,
I was at the NICU,

and little Beverly Rose
grabbed my finger,

and she squeezed it,

and it --
it made me remember

how you always
used to hold my hand

and how close we were.

And now you're,
you know, insane.

So, if there's something
that you want to tell me

that's bothering you,
I'd love to hear it.

Sure.

Here's what's
bothering me.

I know that you're having sex
with Dad and Ben.

And you're lying about it
to both of them.

Wow.

How'd you find out?

I saw Dad coming out of
your bedroom

in the middle
of the night.

Look,
I'm really sorry.

I don't wanna hear it.

You're a liar,

and I have no reason to believe
anything you say ever again.

No, you have to give me
a chance to explain.

You got a text.

This is more important.

But it might be
from Ben or Dad

or someone you met

driving back and forth
between Ben and Dad.

Well, now you're just giving me
too much credit.

Damn it.
It's Grandpa.

Becky's freaking out
at Casita Bonita.

Look, I gotta go,
but when I get back,

please just give me a chance
to tell you what's going on.

It's really complicated.

No, it's not.

Stop screwing
my dad over,

or I'm gonna call him
and tell him what's going on.

You know, it's --
it's very sweet

that you're looking out
for him,

but just remember
one thing --

he abandoned you.
I'm just saying.

Where's Becky?

Oh,
she's back here.

She's not
in a good place.

Hey.

Look at you,

sitting on a bucket
behind a bar.

I see it all
so clearly now.

Even if I work,

every dime will go
to childcare.

So I've decided to let
the hospital keep Lil Bev.

Uh-huh.

They've got a cafeteria,
so she'll eat good,

and I can watch her from afar
in the kids' play area.

I've seen that
in the movies.

Well, clearly,
I rushed down here for nothing.

You know what?

You're gonna come home,
you're gonna live rent-free,

where people
can help you.

But if I move back in,

I'm just admitting
I couldn't make it on my own

and I'm just a big,
fat loser.

That's what I did.
It's very freeing.

Hey, bud.
How was work?

I'm not afraid
of you.

Everything is
gonna be okay.

Becky's gonna come home
and live with us for awhile.

Good!
That starts now.

Grab her coat,
and take her back to the house.

Hey, I am not totally
giving up my independence here.

I will grab
my own coat.

Okay.

Let me help you
to the car,

and then I'll come
back in here real quick

and grab
some toilet paper.

Thank you so much
for calling.

Well,
Becky needed help.

I'm not family,
but I care.

Look,
I got an idea.

I'm heading back
to the hospital,

and yeah,
it's kinda depressing --

all those babies
hooked up to tubes,

barely clinging
to life.

So, hey,
you wanna come?

Hey, wait a minute,
Lil Bev,

is that drool on your chin
I see?

Lucky for you,
I have a handkerchief.

♪ Da-daaaa ♪

Thanks for
covering for me, son.

No problem.

I think
she really likes me.

That's not
Becky's baby.

That is.

Aw, man.

Aww, Dan.

She's beautiful.
Yep.

She gets that
from me.

Good news,
buddy.

You're coming to live
at Grandpa's house for awhile.

It's not much...

Actually,
it'd need a major remodel

for it to be
"not much."

Hey, the fact
that you have a house

for your struggling daughter
and her baby

and your other struggling
daughter and her two kids

just proves
you're a good provider.

It's not much
of a motivator.

You know, Rose...

It's okay.

I'm so sorry.

I just -- I feel
so comfortable with you.

You don't
have to apologize

for feeling comfortable
with me.

Listen,
I haven't kept it a secret

how hard this is
for me,

but you have to know
how much I like you,

and -- and I wanna
spend time with you.

What do you say
we start hanging out...

on a regular basis,

and I'll throw in dinner
once a week?

Like dates?

Like hanging out
and having dinner once a week.

Slow down,
cowboy.

It's moving
a little fast for me.

But...
I can work with that.

Well,
you're only human.

I know
you want some of this.

I can be patient.

But when
I come for it,

I don't want
some of it.

I want all of it.

You don't have
that kinda time.

I brought you
a peace offering.

Go ahead. Instagram all
your friends. I'll wait.

L-Look, I did not plan
any of this.

Well,
you've gotta decide.

It's not fair
to Dad.

Hey,
I love your dad,

and the last thing I want to do
is hurt him,

but this is
a hard decision.

I-It affects all of us.

I've got to figure out
who's gonna make us happy

and who's gonna keep us
in toilet paper.

So, what am I
supposed to do?

Just keep this giant secret
while you figure it out?

That would be
so cool of you.

I-I promise
I'm gonna take care of this

as quickly as I can.

Okay.

I believe you
for now.

Would you hold
my finger?

No.

You're being weird.

The baby's home!

Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!

Well,
that's a relief.

I'm still
the cutest one.

She's too small.

You said I was getting
a new cousin to play with.

She's no good to me
like this.

Uh, there's only one room
in the house

that's still available --
the basement.

The basement.

Guess we set the bar too high
with a plastic box.

To the basement!

Just wait for me
one second.

Yeah.

Dad told me
you were upset.

I'm not upset.

Look,
I really do appreciate

you helping out
with Lil Bev.

Alright, look,
I know I went too far.

In the cold light of day,
I can see

that you can't
ask busy nurses

to teach a preemie
Mandarin.

It's just...

in trying
to find solutions,

sometimes you may be...

creating
some of the problems.

Would it be overstepping
if I made a chart

of the problems
that you and I are having?

No, make the damn chart.
Hug it out.

Oh, my God.

It's beautiful!

The rats
put up the lights.

The lights are
from Christmas decorations,

Mark did the mural
on the wall,

and I picked out
the bedspread.

I hope that's a solution
and not a problem.

We should all
go upstairs

and let Becky and the baby
get settled in.

I just
got down here.

Now I gotta
walk up the stairs again.

I love it! Thank you!

Oh. Oh. Hi.

Hi, sweetie.

Welcome home, sweet girl.

Yeah.

See? She has a little patch
of your dark hair,

your brown eyes,

and your...Oh.

Hey,
I'm just noticing

that my genes didn't really
get in there at all.

But I'm happy
that your family

is taking good care
of you guys.

I know.

I can't believe
they did all of this.

How are you?

I'm good.

I'm saving money
and trying to get back.

Well, be safe.

I really want Beverly Rose
to meet her dad.

Oh, a-and
one last thing --

can you talk
to your Aunt Jackie?

Eh, she Skypes me every day
with some new advice.

Eh, luckily,
she can't tell the difference

between me
and my cousin 'Berto.

But he's right
on the edge.