All language subtitles for The Conners S02E01 Preemies, Weed and Infidelity 1080p Amazon WEB-DL DD+ 5.1 x264-TrollHD_track3_[eng]

Thanks for
letting Bev play, guys.

I'm not sure
who you're talking to.

We didn't want her.

I would have been fine
at home,

but Jackie doesn't
trust me there.

Mom!

I went to check the mail,

and you pulled up half
the carpeting in my bedroom!

Some of these older apartments
have beautiful hardwood floors.

Don't blame me
because yours didn't.

Check.

Y'know, you can
roll up a body in a carpet.

Just something to put
in your pocket for later.

You hit bad traffic
again?

Getting home later and later
every night.

Yeah. I was stuck
on the Dan Ryan forever.

I know we built that expressway
to honor him,

but all
anybody ever says is,

"I was stuck
on the stupid-ass Dan Ryan."

Did the kids get dinner?

For themselves.

They didn't make me anything.

Hey, Jackie,
I think Harris lost

one of her good earrings
in the couch.

Can you give me a hand
looking for it?

I didn't even know
Harris had any good earrings.

She doesn't. Her ears
are constantly infected.

I-I just --
I had to talk to somebody.

I'm going crazy.

Oh. Pretend we're looking
through the couch.

What's wrong?

I wasn't on the expressway.

I was at David's.

Well, why would you lie
to your dad about that?

You and David see each other
all the time 'cause of the kids.

Yeah, I know.

But...

today, we were making out.

I can't tell my dad
that I was making out with my ex

while I'm also dating Ben.

You and David?
When did this start?

The last couple of months.

We just started talking
about the relationship

to see if we could
make it work again,

and then tonight,
we stopped talking

because our tongues
were in each other's mouths.

But I thought
you and Ben were doing great.

We are.

But, you know,
I still have feelings for David,

and if there's a chance I can
put my family back together,

I have to try, right?

You have to give up Ben.

Why would I do that?

Ben and I
are amazing together.

Oh! Oh.

It's the classic
wanting of the cake

followed by the ever-present
eating of it, too.

How are -- How are you even
having time for all this?

I-I don't. I-I'm like
this close to losing it.

When I'm supposed to be
with David, I'm with Ben.

When I'm supposed to be
with Ben, I'm with David.

When I'm supposed to be with
the kids, I'm with Ben or David.

You know...

...you are
right on the verge

of having sex
with both of them.

No. No way.

I cannot go any further
with David

while I'm still
seeing Ben.

I can't sleep
with two guys.

I'm not that person.

Let me tell you,
I've been that person,

and it can be
a nightmare.

A fantastic nightmare.

Hey, guys.

-Hey, preggy.
-Hey, Beck.

-Hey, Becky.
-Hey, hey, li'l mama.

Wow,
you're getting big.

Is that baby moving?

Not yet.

But she's watching
the papers

for a younger uterus
in a better neighborhood.

What's up?

Aunt Jackie
asked me to come by

and go over a birth plan
she made for me.

I was expecting
a page or two.

I got
the Encyclopedia Insanica.

Aunt Jackie's
looking for something

to give meaning
to her life.

You just happened to be
in the station

when the crazy train
pulled in.

Tag. You're it.

I'm cashing out.

No way! I've been
losing to her all night!

She wants to leave.

It's a win.

Did you read
my birth plan?

I tried.
It's just too much.

Can't we just
go over this later?

I'm not due
for two more months.

But everything in here
is important.

Having soft lights
and calming music

and putting the baby
on your chest

so there's a surge of oxytocin
and she bonds to you.

I've got a whole chapter
on infant car seats.

I just don't know
what all the fuss is about.

In my day, we wrapped the baby
in a napkin

and took it home
in our purse.

Mom!

You're confusing it

with stealing muffins
from a restaurant.

Hey.

So, that's where
all the glasses are.

Yesterday, I had to drink milk
out of a shot glass.

Sorry. I try
not to come down here.

It's like a public bathroom
at the mall.

You just want to get in and out
and not make eye contact.

Harris, you should be
a part of this.

One day,
you might have a baby.

You'll want to know
this stuff.

Pass.
I'm not having any kids.

And why not?

It's a different time,
Nana.

You don't have to have
a bunch of kids

to give your life meaning.

Good luck getting a man
with that attitude.

Oh, crap!
I think I just peed myself.

It's not stopping.

Becky, I think
your water broke.

Oh, no.

No, no, no, no,
no, no, no.

Oh, really, Becky,
it's much too soon!

You never disappoint!

Dan! Dan!

We're heading to the hospital!
Becky's water broke!

Damn. I'll drive.
Let's go.

This isn't happening.
I have two more months.

Harris,
we don't have time.

Clean that up,
would ya?

This is why
I don't come down.

"The Conners" is recorded

in front of
a live studio audience.

The contractions
are getting closer!

Why aren't they taking me in?
We have to stop this.

Dad's getting a nurse.
As soon as he gets one,

they're gonna give you something
to stop the contractions.

And until then, we're gonna do
some visualization exercises

to stay calm.

So, uh...baby doesn't
want to come out.

Baby's happy where it is.

The baby
is moving like crazy.

That isn't working.

Okay, well, then, we'll --
we'll just talk to the baby.

Uh, uh, sweetheart, hi.

It's your Aunt Jackie
and Mommy.

And we just want you to know
there's no rush.

U-Uh, there's no money
for college,

and, uh, your daddy's
been deported to Mexico,

and there's alcohol addiction
in your genetic background.

You're freaking
the baby out.

Receptionist: Next.

Are you having chest pains,
a sudden rash,

or breathing issues?

All of those,
but it's not for me.

My daughter's been sitting there
for 30 minutes.

Her water broke, but the baby's
not due for two more months.

Have her fill this out.

We'll get to her
as fast as we can.

No.

You take her in,

and I'll fill out the forms
while she's in there.

I want somebody
to see her now.

Forms first.
Care second.

How about I wheel her back there
and you try and stop me?

Orderly?

Take the geriatric pregnancy
into a room, please.

"Geriatric"?

You are so lucky that I can't
get up and come over there,

'cause a baby
would fall out of me.

Hey.

You didn't
have to come in.

You were at the hospital
all night.

I missed you.

I missed you, too.

Mm.
How's Becky?

Uh, they're still
waiting to see

if the medication'll stop
the contractions completely.

My dad and Jackie
are there.

Actually, I looked over
some stuff in the waiting room.

There is a typo
in the proofs.

Mm, my work
doesn't have typos.

Oh.

Um, could you do me
a huge favor

and run down
to the coffee shop

and get me another cup of coffee
with agave?

And on the off chance

that Cup 'O Mud
doesn't have agave,

is there another exotic plant
that you'll accept?

Uh, yes,
I'll take black tar heroin.

Got it.

Hey, David.

Uh, I'm at work.
What's up?

Yeah, yeah.
That would be really sweet.

I-I'll come by
and pick you up,

and we can both
go to the hospital together.

Okay.
Love you, too.

...Daddy.

I've never heard you
call your dad "Daddy" before.

Yeah, I'm feeling
very fragile right now.

I need my daddy.
Oh.

I, uh, just forgot the wallet.
I'll be right back.

Uh, you know what?

I-I don't need another cup.
I'm already vibrating.

Alright.
I gotta be honest.

I am worried about you.

You look exhausted.

Yeah, it's that stupid-ass
Dan Ryan. That's the problem.

Well, we both know
what the solution is.

You move in with me.

You know those signs that say
"If you lived here,

you'd be home and having sex
with Ben by now"?

You'd be home and having sex
with Ben by now.

I love you, you know,

but I just really can't
think about this right now.

Okay.
Tabled for another time.

At least let me just drive you
back to the hospital,

keep you company.

U-Uh, no.
You know what?

That's so sweet,

but it's just too many people
at the hospital.

When you're expecting a preemie,
they give you a smaller room.

How's Aunt Becky?

Oh, pretty much
the same.

I'm just gonna grab
some stuff for her

and run back
to the hospital.

Okay. Want me to save you
some kale salad?

Listen, let me tell you
about kale.

In the old days,
you'd go to the cafeteria,

and it was the green stuff

that kept the ice from touching
the cottage cheese.

It's all hype!

You don't go
from garnish to superfood.

I feel so stupid.
I fell for it.

Coming! Coming!

Coming!

Hi.
How can I help you?

I'm looking for
Harris Healy's mother.

She's not home from work yet,
but I'm Harris' grandfather.

What can I do for you?

Your granddaughter
goes to school with my son,

and she sold him
a homemade pot cookie.

Okay.

I can kind of believe
she sold him pot,

but I do not believe
she baked anything.

Believe it.

Kyle freaked out,
and I was up all night

trying to reassure him
that time wasn't standing still.

Yeah, that stuff
does get on top of you.

Listen, I'm really sorry.

We would never want that
to happen to any kid.

You tell her I had to take him
to urgent care.

I'm out 200 bucks,

and I need it
to pay for my tattoo removal.

So, my new husband

can't handle
looking at my ex's face

while he's behind me.

Uh...
your first husband...

liked looking
at his own face?

It was a red flag
I ignored, okay?

I'm really sorry. I-I can't
help you with the money.

I don't have it.

Alright, well,
maybe I'll just take something

worth 200 bucks.

I'll come back
when the mother's home.

Hey.

Are you
Harris Healy's mother?

'Cause if you are,
you owe me money.

Nope.

Well,
tell her I'll be back.

I will.

You have a blessed day!

What the hell
was that all about?

You got a problem.

Your daughter's selling
pot cookies at school.

What?

How come when I get home,

it's never
"Somebody got a scholarship"?

Where's Harris?

At the hospital.

Damn.
What's wrong?

They couldn't
stop the labor.

The baby's coming now.

Alright,
we gotta get going

before Bev wraps it in a napkin
and puts it in her purse.

Okay,
just one more push.

I can't!
You can.

It's a preemie.
It's small!

One more push.

Oh, my God,
she's here!

Doctor: Nurse.

Is she okay?

Why isn't she
crying?

You did great.

Just rest
for a second.

Why aren't they putting her
on my chest?

This is exactly
what's supposed to happen.

They're gonna take her
to the NICU.

I wanna see her.

Just let them do their jobs.
It's okay.

Does she look normal?

Yes!

Then why can't I see her?

Because
she's very small.

She can't be seen
by the naked eye.

This is all my fault.

I'm too old.

I drank too much.

That's why
she was born too early.

No, come on.
Don't do that, Becky.

You know what -- I-I did
everything right with Harris,

and she was a preemie.

And she turned out fine.

No, she didn't!

The County ER
always reminds me

of that scene
in "Gone With the Wind"

with all
the Confederate soldiers

laying on the ground,
dying.

Frankly...

I didn't care for the cursing
at the end of that movie.

Okay.
Baby's here.

Are Becky and the baby okay?

Becky's fine.

Uh, the baby wasn't
breathing on her own,

but they put her
on a ventilator,
and now she's stable.

Thank God.

Can we go back there now?

Uh, Becky's pretty upset,

but she's got Jackie
in there with her,

so it's gonna get worse.

Uh, you're not
going anywhere.

What?

You're selling pot cookies
at school?

Are -- Are you stupid?

Are we really gonna do this
right here?

Yes, we are.

Kyle's mom came by. She had to
take him to urgent care.

I told him
"half a cookie."

This is not about
Kyle's inability to maintain.

This is about
you selling drugs.

Oh, my God.

They're gonna be
selling pot

to everybody here
in three months.

Nobody cares.

And it's not like
I'm eating it.

Wh-- Hey.

You cannot eat it,
you can't sell it,

and you're underage.

And by the way,
who are you getting weed from?

It's everywhere.
Everybody's selling it.

Honestly, it's kind of amazing
that I'm doing so well.

My hustle is putting it
in cookies and adding cardamom.

It's exotic
and a little unexpected.

You're actually
bragging about this?

Do you realize if Kyle's mom
had called the cops,

you'd be sitting in jail
right now?

You know what --
you're gonna give me

all the money
you made from this,

I'm taking
your phone away,

and you're not leaving the house
for the rest of the semester.

Oh, wow.
I'm grounded.

Like you're gonna know
if I'm even home.

You're never around.

You really think
it hurts me

pointing out
that I'm not a good mother?

Like water
off a duck's back, baby.

Bev?

Yes, Dan?

It's been a long day,

so please don't take this
the wrong way.

But why are you here?

Everybody's gotta be
somewhere.

I've had a crappy day.

Becky was afraid
to see the baby.

Now she wants to, so I gotta go
back to the hospital.

There's pie.
I got enough for everybody.

God bless ya!

I was wondering
where you were.

I'm only asking
'cause it's...

just been me and Bev here
for hours.

Hours.

Did you know
that when Jackie was born,

she caused my bladder
to drop into my vagina?

You had to say that now,
didn't you?

Oh, I'm not gonna let you
ruin this for me.

No offense, Dan,

but I don't like
to watch you eat.

Ohh!

You enjoying that pie, Dad?
Smells great, huh?

Yep.

Love the smell
of apple pie.

So, you can smell apple pie,
but you can't smell

the smell of pot cookies
baking in your own house?

What?

H-How did you not know
what Harris was doing?

Whoa.

You're gonna blame
your kid selling drugs on me?

Yes, I am, because you're here
and I'm not.

Whose fault is that?
I'm working!

Are you?

'Cause you're getting home
at 10:00.

I don't know if you're with Ben
or what you're doing,

but you're definitely
not coming straight home
from work every night.

Oh, so I'm not allowed
to have a personal life?

Because I remember
when I was a kid,

you'd go straight from work
to the Lobo Lounge,

you'd have a beer,
then you'd come home

and you'd say,
"There's my girls!"

DJ would start crying,

and you'd go to the garage
to fix a bike.

Hey, I worked my ass off
day and night

to support this family,

and I was always there
when it counted.

You need to get your head
in the game and raise your kids.

I already raised mine.

Oh, did you, though?

'Cause I'm pretty sure
it's Mom that raised us.

No.

If we're gonna be honest,
the TV did.

How's she doing?

Hi.

Uh...

Oh, every now and then,

when she's trying
to move her little arms,

she punches herself in the head.

She's definitely
a Conner.

Oh, wow.

Another Conner
in the world.

What we don't have in quality,
we make up in volume.

Darn right we do.

Grammy Becky's here
to see her baby.

Are you ready?

I think so.

Oh, my God.

She's so tiny.

Look at all the tubes.

I know it looks scary,
but all those things in there

are helping her
get stronger.

She's looking at me.

Yeah, of course she is.
You're her mom.

I'm her mom.

Have you decided
on a name yet?

You know, the name "Jacqueline"
means "May God protect."

We could call her Jackie Jr.
That'd be so cute, right?

Her name is
Beverly Rose.

I wanted a connection
with the family.

Becky, um...

I want you to know

that I will always
love this baby.

But I consider it
a personal attack

and a negation
of my entire childhood of pain

that you have named
this precious angel

after the vessel of evil
that is my mother.

'Nuff said.

Come on, Deej.

Let's let these two
get to know each other better.

You need anything?

No. We're fine.

Love you, sis.

Thanks.

I'm so sorry.

See? It's even better
when you wait for it.

I'm gonna go
get the pizza.

What?!

Was that naked man
in your bed David?

Shh! Yes!

What are you doing here?

I needed a night
away from Bev.

Well, this is great.
You finally made a decision.

You broke up with Ben.

Well, that sure would have
made things simpler.

Wait.

You're sleeping
with both of them?

I thought you weren't
that kind of person.

Well, apparently I am.

I set a boundary,
and I crossed it.

I'm so stupid.
Why did I do that?

You gotta help me, Jackie.

Well, I --

If somebody took Ben
off your hands,

would that help?

Stay away from him!

Okay!

Good night!

A brand-new Conner.

Let's learn from
the mistakes of our past.

Oh, I agree.

You know what -- let's raise her
to expect nothing,

so she's never
disappointed.

Or we can tell her she can be
whatever she wants to be.

That's a mean joke
to play on a baby.

Wait.

What if we never tell her
she's a Conner,

but we'll raise her
like Moses --

or Tarzan!

Oh, yeah.
Like Tarzan.

But instead of
holding on to a vine,

she can hold on
to a job.

Quick --
let's go tell Becky

before she fills out
the birth certificate.

This is
for when you come home.

You no Tarzan.
You Conner.