Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

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Shit.

Hey!

What the hell?

Don't put my tampons with my glue!

Don't touch it! I said, don't touch it!

- Don't touch it. - Calm down. Calm down.

- Calm down, okay? - Calm down?

Calm down. Yeah?

- Molester! Police! Help me! - Shit!

Police!

Hey! Stop running!

Where did he go?

How do I know?

Stop speaking English. Let's check over there. Go.

Mr. Seow.

I was gonna call you, but…

I lost your number.

Michael…

Where is my money?

What can I say? It's been a shitty week.

Hell, it's been a shitty life.

That's me.

My parents died in a car crash and I was raised in an orphanage.

Did I mention I had a shitty life?

Parents always tell their kids they were found in the garbage.

In Chief's case, it really happened.

No one knows why Jeff was put up for adoption,

but he was always eating.

And one day, the cat went missing.

And then, there was Sherry.

Her parents ran the orphanage.

Apparently, we were meant for each other.

Too bad no one told me about it.

Alex has just been adopted.

You see,

adoption is like a Miss Universe contest without the swimsuits.

The cuter and younger you are, the better your chances.

But I liked him.

I even gave him my magic ten cents so he could call me if he was in trouble.

Kids came, kids left.

But not the three of us.

You know those stories where the orphans overcome obstacles,

work together and become very successful?

Okay, platoon! Attention!

Come on, hurry up!

This isn't one of those stories.

All right, troops.

You'll be split up into three groups.

The mission, my little soldiers,

is for each group to decorate one of these trees.

Now the team with the best decoration gets a visit from Santa Claus.

Better finish before Aunty Betty comes down with the presents, okay?

All right, go!

You three are a group.

- Give it back. - No.

- Give it back. - No.

- Give me the angel. - No.

- Give it. I'm the boss. - No, you're not.

- His fault. - His fault.

Uncle Samuel?

Thank you.

Well, you don't deserve it.

If you boys don't fight for five minutes, I'll die a happy man.

Merry Christmas.

Where'd you get money to buy this?

I made the frame all by myself.

I'll never get adopted, right? Nobody wants somebody like me.

Nonsense.

You have just as good a chance as anyone else.

You're a good boy, Michael.

If you believe in yourself and learn to trust,

you'll be a great, respected man one day.

Are you the guard?

S-O.

Mommy, the guard called me asshole!

No, I said S-O! Security officer. Not "asshole."

Hello, madam.

How many months?

Looks like seven, or eight, or ten?

Boy or girl?

Stop bothering me.

It's a simple question.

Boy, or girl, or something else?

I don't know.

My husband didn't want to ruin the surprise, okay?

What?

Next time you want to fake a pregnancy,

you'd better work out all the details first, Madam Bullshit.

Go away! Now!

Michael, what seems to be the problem here?

My store manager.

Have you met Madam Bullshit?

Mrs. Tiffany Sim-Johnson.

Michael, do you know who this is?

I've had enough of your guard.

I can only imagine what the stress is doing to my unborn child.

You're good.

She's not pregnant. Look at her.

Fine, I'll prove it.

The guard called me asshole.

Did not.

I've lost 17 jobs in the last five months.

But at least I'm not the only loser with a screwed-up life.

Jeff works in a café.

He has no money, falls in love with every woman he meets…

What's up? What's up?

Yeah, he thinks he's African American.

Come on. Faster.

Chief is a props assistant and works at a TV station.

Not that he does any work.

He spends all his time and money on his car.

We don't see much of each other anymore, but, hey, at least we're not fighting.

Sherry and I have been dating for the last eight years.

She's the best thing in my sad and pathetic life.

I have no idea why she's with me.

But still, eight years.

I guess it was time for…

Hey.

I told you so many times already. Don't simply touch here and there.

When I wanted to get married, I just gave her two goats.

Simple, you understand?

Idiot.

You're probably wondering why I'm doing this, right?

No.

If you don't love her, don't do it.

But I do love her.

Then just do it.

But what if she doesn't love me?

What if she just says that she loves me?

She could just be saying it out of pity, like…

'Cause she sees me as some kind of stray dog.

Like a mongrel that she finds in a drain

and she wants to take the dog home and clean it up

'cause the fur's coming out and the tail's broken

and she just wants to give it a bubble bath and feed it

and I'm proposing to her with this cheap $2 sign?

She's not gonna marry me. I don't even have a job.

Even you have a job.

I mean, your paratha's not very good,

but, you know, at least you have a paratha shop.

Okay, let's review.

I have no money, no job,

her father thinks I'm a bum and she's wasting her life on me.

What would you do?

We have to break up.

Break up?

I'll never marry you, okay?

So, you know, let's not dwell on it.

I mean, it was fun while it lasted, but…

Mike.

You know, I just hope that we can still be friends.

Friends?

Goodbye, Sherry.

What do you want?

Sherry's not here.

Yeah, I know that, I…

You got fired from your job again, didn't you?

Ask him to stay for dinner. He hardly visits anymore.

What's this?

They're tearing down the orphanage.

Turning it into a condo.

Unless I can come up with $100,000 in the next few weeks to extend the lease.

A hundred…

What are we gonna do?

I've got…

I have $12?

What else can I do?

You know, we've had over 300 children here.

But only you, Chief and Jeff have been a disappointment.

Go and talk to them.

Maybe between the three of you screw-ups, you can come up with some money.

Yeah. But I didn't come to talk to you about that, Samuel. I just…

No.

I press too many zeros.

Upgrading. Good for business.

Upgrading. Upgrading.

Easier to write on paper.

Quite easy, what.

See. You type what you want, then can beam and print hard copy.

Or if you want…

Can get on the Internet and download.

So, $10,000. Do I have to sign anything?

That's all.

Easy, right?

Thank you.

Hey.

I can call the police, you know.

Hey.

First payment by this Friday.

I'm not like other loan sharks.

If you miss even one payment, watch out.

I had to turn 10,000 into 100,000.

So, I did it the only way I knew how.

Just lucky.

Cheers.

I'll see your ten G's

'cause I have, like, three tens.

Read 'em and weep.

Okay.

Which brings us right back here.

Michael…

Where is my money?

Mr. Seow, please.

Give me 24 hours. I swear I'll get your money.

Please, I don't want to die.

Oh, God.

Mr. Seow?

Mr. Seow?

Mr. Seow?

Mr. Seow?

Holy shit.

Hello? I need an ambulance.

I'm behind Neil Road.

Pain. Dying.

What?

I'm here to collect Henry Seow's money.

No understand English.

I'm here to collect Henry Seow's $3,000.

I've never seen you before.

I don't have the money.

When you owe money, you must pay.

Or else.

Sorry.

My friends have it. Wait here.

Shit.

We are not a couple.

We were never a couple

and we never will be a couple.

Ever.

So, what are you trying to say?

Women trouble?

Yeah, man.

She led me on and I fell in love with her.

All that time we spent together. Wasted!

I know exactly what you mean.

You've known her a while?

Three whole days.

Mike.

Michael.

Hey, brother. Give me some love, man.

Hey, how long has it been? Ten, 12 years?

- I've missed you, man. - Jeff!

This is a restaurant!

Not a pick-up joint!

- No-- - I'm sick of your excuses!

Bubble duty!

Oh, man.

That's whack, G.

- Collecting debts? - Yep.

'Cause there are a lot of debts in Malaysia.

About RM1,000,000 worth.

Too bad you can't join me to collect it.

- You really want me to join you? - Of course.

I need your analytical mind, your wit, your friendship,

and you're the only guy I know who can speak Malay.

Cool.

And if anything goes wrong in Malaysia,

we'll just bust a move back over the bridge?

Yeah. Just one problem.

We need something to bust a move in.

Okay, I'm in. When do we leave?

Wait a minute.

We just want to borrow your car.

- You're not coming. - Yeah.

Why can't I come?

'Cause you'll get us into trouble. You always do.

I don't. Right, Jeff?

You do get us into some kind of problem when we are--

Why don't you shut up? Who asked you?

Okay, fine.

Have fun walking through Malaysia, then.

Yo, Mike, I don't wanna walk through Malaysia, man.

Mike, please. Mike, I don't wanna walk through Malaysia--

All right, fine.

All right. Three-way split then.

Yup. Right after we give 100 grand to the orphanage.

Yeah.

No way, man.

You wanna give your share to the orphanage, fine with me.

I'm keeping my full share.

Me, too.

Three-way split?

What?

Hey, you still owe our dead boss $3,000.

Hey, I already said I don't have the money.

I don't want to die. Don't kill me.

The money is in my underwear.

You should have said it earlier. Damn stupid, you.

Yo. Check this out.

Yeah, let's see if we can move now.

Are we gonna make it, man?

Hey, send the other guy next time.

"RM5,000. Madam Wong."

"Madam"? Should be a piece of cake.

Well?

Well, what?

Aren't you gonna help?

I drove, man.

What?

Hey, man. I'm hungry.

Man, you're not scared, are you?

- Yeah. You go, boy! - You go, boy! You go!

What the hell was that?

Told you, man. I'm hungry.

Drive!

I'm gonna kick your ass!

Aunty.

Did you get the money?

Do I look like I got the money?

We're not meant to do this, man.

We're not loan sharks.

Let's just take a break. We'll try again tomorrow, all right?

I think we can stop reversing now!

Hey, Jeff,

what the hell does that say on the door, man?

That?

This is Malay for…

Shit.

Yo, Mike.

Can we get a bigger, better room, please?

Samuel.

Wake up. It's Michael.

Why's he calling so late?

How do I know? I'm sleeping.

Talk to him.

- Apologize for the other day. Be nice. - What do you want?

Yeah, I just want to let you know, you don't have to worry, okay?

Jeff, Chief and I, we will get the money for the orphanage.

Really?

What are you idiots doing? Robbing a bank?

You're where?

Doing what?

Please don't tell Aunt Betty. I don't want her to worry.

The idiots are in Malaysia. On holiday.

Don't be rude.

Ask them to buy durians.

Bye!

You're all idiots!

Where are you staying?

Okay.

Put Jeff on.

Hello, Samuel?

Don't eat too much and don't let the boys push you around.

- Put Chief on. - Okay.

Chief, it's Samuel.

Come on, man, Chief.

Hi, Samuel.

Are you in another room?

No, we're sharing.

- Then what took you so long? - Sorry, I was--

Shut up and listen.

Don't get into any trouble.

No, I never get into--

Say it to the boys, "I won't get into any trouble."

I won't get into any trouble.

Hey, man. We were watching that, okay?

Get some sleep, guys.

You're gonna need energy for the drive tomorrow.

Man, will you stop telling us what to do?

Give me that!

Get off me!

Come on, guys. This is so uncool, man.

Now I know why we don't stay in touch. 'Cause you're a dick.

And you're a troublemaking asshole.

You know, if we didn't need the car, we wouldn't need you.

Fine. You don't have both.

Hey.

What's this?

Like holiday.

Hey, I get the bed.

Shut up and go.

Come on, man, Chief.

We need you, man.

We need him, man!

Look, let's go get the money, then.

Now?

The faster we get the money,

the faster I don't have to see you guys ever again.

And get one thing straight.

We're not friends, we're not acquaintances,

we're nothing!

This is business.

Fine with me!

Hey, Mike.

Hey, guys. This is such bad karma, man.

Bye, Mom.

Hi, Dad. Bye, Dad.

Be careful.

What's going on? Where's she going?

To Malaysia. She's going to look for Michael.

What?

Why didn't you stop her? It's dangerous.

But he's on holiday, right? He's just gone to buy durians.

Anyway, she's so stubborn. Like you.

Hi, it's Samuel.

I need your help.

Great. We're lost, aren't we?

No.

It's right around here…

somewhere.

It's straight ahead.

I'm positive.

- Shit. - Man, you have one job.

Read the map, read the signs.

Read the map, read the signs.

How hard could that be?

Apparently really, really hard.

So, where to next, Christopher Fat-Ass Columbus?

Left.

Hey.

Blondie!

Left.

Man, would you move your fat fingers?

You're covering the whole bloody state, man.

Then stop peeping, busybody.

It's my car. I'll do what I want, okay?

Exactly, man.

It's my map and my fat finger, so I'll put it where I like.

Hey. Can we please focus?

- The busybody started it, man. - Man, I'll show you "busybody," man.

I'll kick your ass!

I'll do some busybody tai chi on your ass!

I'll open a can of whoop-ass.

Stop the car!

Why so dirty?

Miss,

have you seen a…

A man.

Chinese man?

I don't know.

Please.

Sorry.

What's the matter with you? Taking your sweet time?

Sorry. I thought I set the alarm.

Damn stupid. Hurry, get in the car!

Told you it was left.

KTV Lounge.

RM65,000.

Not gonna be easy.

I have an idea.

Hello, handsome.

Hello.

- You're new here? - Yeah.

You want? Mamasan introduce you my latest stars?

You want.

- We want. - You got money?

- Money? - He got money.

- We got paid today. - You got money, too?

No. Show her your money, boy.

$20.

RM20?

- Yeah. We're in Malaysia. - Ringgit.

- Ringgit. - RM20 can.

Mamasan introduce you my latest star.

Okay.

Gong Li!

Yes!

- Gong Li! - Gong Li!

Hey!

I'm here to collect Henry Seow's money.

You?

By yourself?

I'll only ask once.

Do you have Mr. Seow's RM2,000?

I'll only answer once.

No!

Where is the money?

Where's the goddamn money?

There!

Now…

whose pub is this?

RM65,000.

Can't believe my plan worked.

Guys.

Get off me!

Hey!

Come on, man!

- Come on! - Candy apologizes.

She knows it's her mistake.

- She won't do it again. - Shit, man!

Sorry, bro. Sorry.

She won't do it again. No, she won't.

You all right? You okay?

Yeah.

Hey!

Come on, man!

Come on.

All right, yeah.

What?

- Come on. - Yeah, you're right, man.

Eat. Eat more.

Okay? Eat more.

Thank you.

Hey.

You guys just ever look at people and wonder whether they could be

your mother or father?

Don't.

Don't do this.

Take that lady for example, man.

She could be your mother.

My parents… are dead.

Sorry.

And you.

Ever tried looking for your real parents?

Why?

So I can be rejected twice?

Why don't you shut up and eat?

Man, I need a hug.

You know, sometimes,

I feel like I've been cheated.

I mean, Samuel and Betty, they were great, but…

did you ever think that maybe if we had our own parents,

we would've grown up normal?

This is why I don't keep in touch with you guys.

It reminds me of…

you know,

and it's depressing!

Eat.

Hey, you eat more.

Hey, eat.

You must eat more

because you are so skinny.

Your hair, so messy.

You know something, Aunty?

If you were my mother,

I would never put you in a home like this.

I'd take care of you,

- I'll make sure everything is okay-- - All right. We got to go.

Hey, bro.

Thank you so much.

- You're welcome. - Appreciate it.

Thank you very much, Aunty.

Hey!

What stupid song is this?

How come no words?

Beethoven wrote this song for the one woman he really loved

but could never have.

So romantic.

Hey! So rude!

Hey, there's a rabbit!

Hey, why do you have to be so violent?

According to this book,

you can get more by being nice.

Make people understand what you want.

No need to try to scare them.

Hey, we're collecting debts from people.

Not buying chicken, fish or vegetables in the markets.

Understand?

Yeah, but this way, we still can collect the money and…

Hey! You see!

You don't know how to talk!

You must always be cruel.

Better a patient man than a warrior,

a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.

You always want to be better than me.

You want to learn English, you want to enrich yourself.

Isn't it good to be like me?

Stupid.

I want to improve myself.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,

for they will be filled.

Shut up!

Why can't you stop nagging? Stupid.

You want me to shut up?

Okay.

Can.

And then…

And then, he just left Singapore and came to Malaysia.

No.

I mean, am I crazy for hunting him down?

- No, I don't-- - I must be.

I'm a strong and intelligent woman.

- Yes-- - I don't need this.

Then why am I acting like this?

- Well, maybe-- - And this!

How the hell am I supposed to find him with this pathetic outline?

- Well… - And my boyfriend Michael…

- Did I tell you he's Michael? - No.

He just doesn't know what he wants…

After we get the money and return it to Boss,

we don't have to be together anymore.

I'm moving out of the house!

Good. Since Boss is dead,

the money's not going to him.

Then who?

How do I know?

You don't know?

So we're doing all this for nothing?

Might as well catch those guys, get the money and keep it for ourselves.

Maybe I can pay to study in overseas university.

No. I can open my own brothel in Orchard Road.

Call it "Beijing Chicken House."

Now you're happy.

Hey, guys, use the door.

No! Seat covers!

No!

I think she likes you.

- No. - I'm telling you, man.

- Go. - Really?

Go.

Okay.

No chance in hell for the fat boy.

Hey.

Hi.

Hey.

Your voice is dope.

You're funny.

And strong.

Funny?

This business of collecting RM1,000,000 from the Malaysian debtors,

it's okay, right? I mean…

we're not doing anything wrong or criminal, right?

You're asking this question now?

So, we're RM45,000 away from home. What are you going to do with your share?

I don't know. I thought I'd get a new set of rims for Candy.

Maybe a new alarm system to keep her nice and safe and warm.

Can I ask you a question?

And promise you won't overreact.

Are you gay?

What?

You know, it doesn't bother me, man. I'm just asking.

- What? - And you and your car, man.

I mean, that's not natural.

Or legal.

You mean me and you… Well, then.

What's going on here?

- Who's he? - What are you doing?

Zul! This Singaporean is touching me!

- Your Deanna. - What?

So you like my girlfriend, is it?

Maybe you want to fool around a bit?

Touch touch, kiss kiss, play play?

No.

No?

You don't want this?

Why? You're too high class, is it?

I'm not good enough for you, is it?

Touch me then insult me in front of my boyfriend?

Zul! Hit him!

- Hey, you're sick. - Yeah. How can you do this to my Deanna?

Wait.

We were only talking, man. And she touched me.

Zul! Waiting for what?

- Hit him! - You're sick!

Deanna, I'm going to. Just wait.

- Going to. Wait. - Wait.

I see. You're not man enough to protect your Deanna.

- Maybe I should be someone else's Deanna. - Deanna?

- Someone who will love Deanna. - What's wrong with her, man?

- Protect Deanna. - Hey! Not me, I ain't protecting you.

- Deanna, okay, now! - When?

And you broke up with Sherry?

Why?

I don't know. I think it's what she wanted, you know?

For the past 15 years I've seen the way she looks at you.

She wants you!

God knows why.

Hey, guys.

What…

- What the… - What happened?

That girl kicked your ass?

No, man!

Her boyfriend, Zul.

- You let her boyfriend do that to you? - No, man. Just a small misunderstanding.

Forget it.

- I'm going to kick his ass, man. - Hey, Chief, we're not in Singapore, okay?

We don't need this kind of trouble, all right?

You're gonna let the boyfriend get away with this?

Man, look. If you try anything,

you can forget about your share, all right?

Now, just take Jeff to the car, okay? I'll take care of the bill.

Take Jeff to the car, now.

Go, go.

- And I whack the fella! I whack the fella! - Yes, baby, yes.

Because he was very big, I just whack.

And he fell down to the ground like a sack of potatoes.

Excuse me, are you Zul?

What do you want?

If you touch my brother again,

I'll rip your head off and stick it up your butt and kill you!

Stand up!

Please stand up!

Hey, this is between him and me, okay?

It doesn't concern any of you.

You gonna let the whole world walk all over you the rest of your life?

You're so determined to let the whole world like you,

you're forgetting about your own feelings.

What do you see?

An overweight, bleeding virgin.

Man, you're not an overweight…

virgin?

You suck, G.

And that!

Look, stop pretending.

You're Jafri Hassan.

Not Puff Daddy.

People actually talk to me when I'm someone else.

The real me ain't cool, man.

Yes, you are.

And don't let anybody tell you any different.

I'm crazy. I'm cool.

Ain't nobody gonna treat me like a fool.

- You okay, Jeff? - Yeah.

You know, Mike? I thought I liked you for a second there.

- But I guess it's every man for himself. - What?

You know, you're a prick. All you care about is yourself.

Is that what you think of me, Chief?

You stood up for me.

Okay, fine. Let's go.

Nobody has ever done that for me.

Hey. Mike, you know, well, it's just…

Yeah, well, you don't have to apologize, Chief.

I wasn't apologizing, okay?

You should have asked me for help in there.

- I could've helped you. - If I'd let you go in there,

we'd all be in jail right now.

And this is much better?

You know what your problem is? You don't trust--

I'm crazy! I'm cool!

I ain't let no one treat me like a fool!

- Jeff! - Where the hell's he going?

It's quite painful, okay? So…

What are you doing?

Yo!

What do you want, fatty?

I'm crazy, I'm fat and I'm cool. Ain't nobody gonna treat me like a fool.

I know you want Deanna.

But there's five of them and only one of you.

Three of him.

Good.

More exercise.

Please, I'm begging you! Stand up!

Holy shit.

You take care now.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

Wait up, guys. We can take 'em.

Remember the Mating Spider!

Yeah, the Horny Porcupine.

Yeah, the Dancing Elephant.

Here I come now.

Make my day, man. Come on.

Who turned out the lights?

Do you know piranhas never attack each other?

It's true.

They always work together to kill their enemies and eat their prey.

If one piranha were to attack another,

it would cause chaos.

But why am I here? I didn't do anything!

No need to shout.

I don't like loud people.

But Boss, I really don't know why you brought me here.

Did I do anything wrong?

See, I know a few things.

I know some of my money is missing.

I know that it's been slowly missing for the past few months.

I know I didn't take it.

I know they didn't take it.

And I know accountants are very good at hiding money.

So…

Wait! Please! Wait! I didn't do anything!

Boss!

Boss, Henry Seow's gangsters are taking over your territory!

They are the ones stealing from you.

I'll kill those Singaporean dogs.

For the last freaking time, I did not lose the map!

I just don't know where it is.

So what? We head down this road or what?

Hell, yeah.

You know what, bro?

Maybe we should ask someone, man.

How about this guy?

Hey, man.

- Is this the way to Simpang Lima? - Shit, yeah.

I'm on my way there now.

You want a ride?

Does a koala lick its balls?

Good on ya, mate.

Simpang Lima. Straight ahead.

Nice set of wheels you got here.

I notice you have a Singapore number plate.

You guys are sure a long way from home.

Anyway, my name's Al.

But you can call me Al.

I'm Jeff, he's Mike, and this is Chief.

Chief?

You mean…

Man, do you ever shut up?

Hey, bro, don't be so rude, man.

That's okay, mate. It takes more than that to hurt my feelings.

If I shoved a stick up your ass, would that hurt your feelings?

I don't know.

But you've got a point.

Get it? You know, point. Point.

Anyway, we're here.

- Hey, watch it! - Thanks, gents.

Let's do lunch sometime. Beers are on me.

Call me Al.

Shit, I'm funny!

Hey watch the… Come on, guys. See…

I'm sorry. I have no money.

Oh, man. Not this crap again.

Nothing.

Look. I don't bluff you one.

The bank is suing me. I'm bankrupt.

Okay, Miss Divine,

we'll let you off this time.

- What? - Hey!

Hello, gents.

Well, fancy seeing you here.

Now, back up.

That's it.

Except for you, sheila. Yeah, you.

Open the safe for me, will you, love?

Safe? What safe?

I don't have safe.

I'm bankrupt.

Listen, bitch. Don't fuck with me, all right?

There's a safe. There's always a safe. So don't give me that crap.

Cheers, mate. Nice hair.

Bingo!

What the hell?

- Lovely. - Man!

- Give me your bag, son. - No.

Give me the bag.

No!

Okay.

- I'm not very funny now, am I? - You were never funny.

Really?

Now, that is pretty. What is that? White gold?

- It's fake. - Well, it looks real to me. Give it here.

- Over my dead body. - I'm going to count to three.

One, two…

Oh, my.

Look at all this money!

I'm going to die.

- Somebody give me mouth to mouth. - Get off me!

- Hey! - Get off me!

Hey!

- Hey! - Hey, yo.

Thanks, gentlemen. As always, it's been a pleasure.

Yeah.

Great. Just great!

Dickheads.

Those Singaporeans robbed the hair salon!

And they said Malaysian cars suck!

- Hey! - What did he say?

Never mind, man.

Bloody rude Singaporeans!

Naked woman.

Move, man. Move. Shit! Oh, man!

Fan-freaking-tastic, man.

Damaged car, damaged head, no money, no job!

Candy, baby, Chief's gonna take real good care of you.

We'll take you to the doctor, okay? Okay.

Mechanic. He's called a mechanic.

And I can't believe we're going to go back with less money than we started with.

Maybe it's karma. Come on, guys.

We tried our best. Let's go home.

No.

What do you mean, "no"? Hey!

Mike! We've got to cut our losses, man.

No!

Come on, Mike.

Samuel will understand, man.

It's only an orphanage.

Life goes on!

No, it doesn't.

And it isn't just about the orphanage.

Look, Mike, I admire your selflessness but this is crazy.

I agree, man.

We tried our best, man. Come on.

He's dying!

Who?

Samuel.

How do you know?

Aunt Betty told me.

So the money was for an operation?

No. He's in the final stages of liver cancer. They can't do a thing.

I just wanted to save the orphanage to thank him for all those years.

You know, the orphanage will be his legacy.

How long?

- Six, eight months tops. - No.

How long have you known?

Aunt Betty told me a few weeks ago.

- What? - And you didn't tell us?

Hey, he didn't want anyone to know.

I'm not supposed to know.

I didn't even know whether you guys would even give a shit.

Who are you to decide for us, man?

You guys, you don't even go back and visit him.

So?

Doesn't mean I don't go visit him, I don't care about him.

You should've told us!

Yeah, I tried, man.

I just… I tried, all right?

I just didn't know how.

Henry Seow!

Henry Seow's gang.

Look, I'm not angry with you, okay?

I'm just pissed off.

So, guys…

what do we do now?

Let's just go.

"No. I've torn my panty hose and I'm late for my pedicure.

What will I do?

I can't let my boyfriend see me like this.

Who will save me now?"

What?

We took up a collection. $75.

That's a lot of money, right?

Do we have to move?

Saved by the bell.

Betty, are you going to get that?

Do I have to do everything around here?

Okay, platoon, time to study.

You want to grow up stupid? Go!

They're wonderful.

Thank you.

Yeah, well, Betty,

I'm sorry I didn't do all that I could…

with this place…

the kids…

you.

Look at me.

You are the sweetest, kindest…

most romantic man I've ever known.

You've given me a house full of children

and a meaningful life.

We need some gas.

Hey, isn't that the…

How's it going, love?

This is 55 cents.

- Sorry? - Okay, 25.

Twenty-five.

You know what, brothers?

I say we forget about the other debtors

and get our asses back to Singapore.

- Good idea! - Good idea!

- Really? - Yeah!

I'm good.

- You're the man. - I'm good.

Man, it's not my fault, man!

We didn't have time to get gas.

So, what do we do now?

Well, someone's got to go back and get some.

Stop the bus!

Is this a bus stop?

We have to go. Now!

What, you want to get out and push this car?

Yo, bro. Who are they?

They're…

Henry Seow's associates.

Mike!

- Sherry? - Sherry?

Hi, boys.

Sherry? What the…

Why did you break up with me?

You came all the way here to ask me that?

- Don't do that. - Do what?

That! Change the subject.

In case you haven't noticed, we're in a situation.

Answer the question.

- What was the question again? - Mike!

Sherry, this isn't the time, okay?

And what does it matter anyway?

It wasn't working out, okay?

You deserve someone better. It's not you, it's me.

You're a great guy.

And you and I, we're great together, right?

Sherry, you have to go. okay?

- We'll talk later. - No!

No more hiding, no more lying. Tell me now--

Okay, fine! I don't love you! Okay?

- I don't believe you. - It was all a lie!

I don't love you, okay? Now, go. Go!

Hey! Not on the car, man! Not on the car!

Where's the money?

I'll count to three.

- Three! - Hock.

Negotiation, remember?

No need to be violent to make them scared.

Move.

Hello, friend. Are you okay?

Want some water?

Okay, business.

You have our money.

Give it now… or you will die.

See?

Which was scarier, his way or my way?

His way.

Go and die!

Okay, you handle.

Man!

I can't believe we let two little punks take our clothes!

Hey, they had an ax, all right?

Yo, bros, maybe it's karma, man.

Shut up!

Hey! Has anything good happened to us all week?

No.

No money, no map, no pants!

Candy needs… Hey! What…

Look, I just wanted to get Sherry away from those two punks, all right?

Anyway, it doesn't matter.

Who needs women?

We don't want to marry them.

I mean, we just want to do them. Right?

Do.

What?

- You're an idiot! - What?

Sherry travelled all the way here to find you.

What are you talking about?

She's with you because she loves you.

Not because she feels sorry for your ass!

Yeah, right!

What was that for?

I didn't want to feel left out, man.

Will you guys just stop it?

All right, Sherry's better off without me, okay?

Some guys are just not meant to have a relationship, okay?

And I don't want to hear any more about that. Okay?

No more.

Stop.

Silence.

So how come you get the nice jumpsuit and we get this thing?

Yeah, man.

'Cause Jeff is too fat to fit into this.

And you, you make that look good.

You know something, bro? You do.

- I do? - Hell, yeah.

Well, at least we don't have to dirty the seat covers.

Hey, what is it with you and your car, man?

You don't like women?

Are you gay?

Hey, I'm not gay, okay?

I don't go out with women

because I don't want to sleep with my sister.

What?

Look, you know who your parents are. I don't.

So what's that got to do with anything, sister fondler?

Look, I don't know who's blood and who's not.

What if I'm sleeping with a woman,

then I discover she's my sister, my aunt, maybe my grandmother?

Man, you're sick.

Why don't you just date non-Indian women?

Man, it's easy for you to say.

What if my parents got a divorce?

Then re-married a Malay, Chinese, or even Caucasian?

I'd be sleeping with my half-sister,

or even stepsister.

Abstinence is easier.

Just Candy and me.

You wanna know something, bro?

You look normal, man, but you're totally not.

Yo, man, bro!

Sherry could be anywhere, man!

I'm not worried about finding her.

I'm worried about what to say to her.

You know what I think? You should beg, bro.

What? A man beg for a woman?

- Never! - What?

Shit!

Holy shit!

Shit.

We've got to get him to a hospital.

If he's alive.

What the hell is this?

That's sick, man.

Man. This is not blood. This is--

Hello, friends. Wake up already.

Dude, how come everyone's our friend?

You, leader.

Where's the money you stole from me?

Big Boss?

What money?

What Big Boss?

Hi, blondie.

You idiot!

- Stop that! - Hey!

Enough.

Now you die.

When you talk to Big Boss, you better shout

because he got hearing problem.

Where's my money?

What money?

Henry Seow's men already took everything!

One last chance.

Where's my money?

- We don't have your money! - We don't have your money!

Liar.

Why is everybody shouting?

Time to pay.

I don't think so.

Back off.

Back the fuck off.

Friend, no need to get so serious.

- You go, Mike. - Okay.

Mike, you're the man. You show them.

Go on, Mike.

Hey, Mike…

You okay, Chief?

Are you all right?

Yeah, thanks.

- Yeah. - Yeah!

You've got five seconds to get out of here.

Five, four, three…

- Shit! - Shit!

Hey, relax.

Think you so smart, right?

Hey, it's not even a real gun.

- You see? It's just a toy. - Stop!

Okay. I'll get you the money, all right?

No! It's too late.

Time to die.

No. No die.

Wait.

Let's hear what he has to say.

- Say? - Yeah, good idea.

You let us go, we'll get the money and we'll meet you

- at the causeway. - Yeah.

I have a better idea.

You go and get my money,

I'll meet you at the causeway with your two friends.

- No, bad idea, man. - That's a bad one.

- I don't think so. - I can work with that.

- What? - Hey! No, Mike.

Don't worry, okay, all right? I'll be back soon.

- Trust me, all right? - But, Mikey…

Be at the clock tower facing Singapore at midnight.

Clock tower?

What is it? Like, a big, tall clock tower?

Tall.

At the causeway.

The Woodlands Causeway or the Tuas Causeway?

'Cause there are two, you know.

Woodlands.

And is it like a digital or an analog clock?

Analog.

With a bell? With pigeons--

- Be there at midnight! - Okay.

- So, Boss, can I kill them now? - No.

- Good Boss! - Good Boss!

Not yet.

- Bad Boss! - Shut up!

Chill, brothers. Relax, man.

Hey. Hi.

I need your help.

No. It's okay.

I need you to help me to find the short guy, the fat guy.

They're here somewhere. I need--

Hello.

Drink.

Orange juice?

We want more XO!

This is even better.

It's got carrot juice, ginseng, kangaroo foreskin.

Helps you stay hard.

Stay hard!

Come! Sit with me!

Drink!

- Drink! - Drink!

You drink!

Drink.

You drink.

No, you drink.

You drink.

You drink and stay hard.

Where is the bag with the money?

Money?

I show you the money.

No.

Naughty boy!

Money!

Money.

Looks like your friend isn't coming back.

Too bad for you.

No! No, not too bad!

Look, we didn't steal your money!

We promise!

Yeah, and Mike will be here soon!

I hope.

- Why are they always so loud? - And the clock's too slow.

Hey! Too fast!

Fast!

No, not slow. Fast!

Very, very fast!

Please, don't kill me!

I can smell Singapore over there.

We'll pay you back!

Bank draft, bank loan, installments--

This is what happens when you steal RM1,500,000 from Big Boss.

Please, kill the fat one first!

How do you know how much was stolen?

You told me.

But I didn't say how much.

Look! The guy is here. Your money is here.

Hey, Mikey.

Hey. You're really crazy.

I've got a gun, you've got a bag.

You're going to whack me with it?

No.

I'm going to burn it!

I poured petrol all over this bag.

You release the guys, and I'll give you the bag.

No!

Give us the bag. It's our money.

Who are you?

Who are you?

This is not good, man.

Hey!

You all don't want to die, you better walk away now.

I am going to count to three.

Thr--

How ya going, gents?

Fuck me.

This is some heavy shit.

I can see that you guys are busy.

I just came by to pick up my bag, but I'll come back later.

Any of you chappies want a ride?

No one is going anywhere.

Yeah, well, I think I'll stay for a bit.

You don't by any chance happen to have a beer or something on you?

Hey.

Get off! Get off him!

I called Alex.

Got him to look out for you guys while you were in Malaysia.

Look out for us?

He's the dick that stole our money, man!

Here's your map.

And our map!

Wait, I was supposed to bring the money safely to Singapore.

That was the plan.

We thought you guys would give up and come home.

We didn't expect you to be so committed.

- Who the hell are you? - Yeah.

By the way, Mike,

I won't be needing this anymore.

Here's my magic ten cents.

If you ever get scared, call me.

Alex?

Little Alex?

Yeah.

Man, you grew up ugly.

And you just… grew.

- My boys! - Aunt Betty.

I'm sorry we woke you--

Collecting debts in Malaysia?

Do you know how dangerous that is?

You told her? But we weren't doing--

That's for talking back to me.

Yeah, Mike.

Don't talk back--

What was that for?

That's for going with him instead of talking him out of it.

And you!

Holiday in Malaysia?

Okay, come in.

I made shepherd's pie.

Samuel,

about the money…

- It's… - My fault!

Nah, man! It's my fault.

I can't even read a map right.

No. It's my fault. I nearly crashed into a cow.

No.

I got into a fight 'cause it turned a woman on.

No, it's my fault! So you shut up.

Man, you're not the boss of me.

I don't give a shit about the money.

Samuel! Language.

But what about the orphanage?

Okay, I do give a shit.

But that's not the most important thing.

We risked our lives for nothing?

Nothing?

Listen.

Do you know him?

- Yeah, I do. - No!

Do you know him?

Yeah.

Yeah, I do.

Now, do you know him?

Hell, yeah.

Do you know your brothers?

Yeah, I do.

Good.

Well, Samuel,

the money…

Hey, man!

I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys, but…

I needed you to act natural.

Who cares, man? You got the money!

You want to get robbed, is it?

Take it inside!

Get a haircut, for God's sake.

And you. You still look like a gangster.

Sorry.

Well, Samuel, I…

I know about your condition.

I know.

And… Well, I told the guys.

I knew you would.

You're a good boy, Michael.

Just stop breaking up with your girlfriend.

Yeah, I have to find her and tell her that I…

You mean…

you approve of your daughter going out with a futureless, jobless bum?

No.

I approve of her going out with you.

Idiot.

Hey.

If you leave me now, you'll…

take away the biggest part of me?

I need you like a flower needs rain?

I can't live if living is without you?

Just shut up.

Are we gonna try to make this work?

No.

We are gonna make this work.

This ring, you know it was my mother's, and…

It's the only thing I have to remember her by.

I want you to have it.

What took you so long?

I got lost.

In Malaysia.

Come. Come and eat.

Food's getting cold.

You know something, bro?

I'm definitely gonna be his best man.

So not, man. I'm gonna be his best man.

Fat boy!

Chinnakarrupan Subramaniam! Language!

- Sorry. - I love you, man.

I love you, man.

- Coming down, Dad? - I'll be down in a while.

Samuel passed away later that year.

But we like to think that wherever he is,

he's still looking out for us.

Ang and Hock decided to go into business together.

Hello!

Duck rice? Chicken rice?

Ang handles the PR…

Chicken rice. Okay, good. You?

…and Hock does what he does best.

Hey!

What are you doing? Are you crazy or what?

Alex left as mysteriously as he came.

No one knows where he is or what he does.

But he'll probably turn up again. When we're in trouble.

Jeff used his share of the money to buy a restaurant.

He quite likes being the boss.

He also performs every once in a while.

He even has fans.

As for Chief's love life,

he decided to move on from his car.

Well, it's a start.

As for me…

Platoon, fall in!

Come on, here we go.

All right, very good. Attention.

Chest out, stomach in, shoulders back.

All right, troops, listen very carefully.

Today, we're going on a secret mission.

And if you manage to complete this mission, you will get…

Yay!

Okay, boys. Listen up very carefully.

This is what you have to do.

We're going to go out, and we're gonna pick up

all the litter that you can find in the garden,

and we're gonna put it in the bin.

The guy who picks up the most wins.

What can I say?

It's a good life.

And then, he said my paratha is no good.

And then he said, he is a dog.

And then he said, "You are my girlfriend."

I don't mind.

Now you tell me, you want chicken or mutton?

But I never said that.

I never--

Talking to you people gives me a headache!

Now you want chicken or mutton, you come and get yourself!

I got so many things to do, you know.

Not just listening to your stupid stories!

Every time you come, talk only.

You and your boyfriend got nothing to do.

This is my fight.

Hey, guys!

This means all stand up!

One time stand up!

Okay, hold up.

Wait a minute. Is there some way we can resolve this like gentlemen?

Gentlemen?

Nice pretty little ring on your chain.

Like a woman.

You guys think I should beat up this gay guy?

Jeff, what did he just say?

He said

that you look like a poofter wearing a ring.

That's what I thought he said.

- Thanks. - You're welcome.

If you want me, prove it.

Fight for me, Joe.

Jeff!

What's the matter with you?

You want me to get hurt for you?

And then? Waste my time!

Zul! Touching your Deanna again!

No touching Deanna! No.

Touching Deanna!

Oh, my God. Bye-bye.

And then? Waste my time!

Zul!

- Cut! - Sorry, man.

Hey! Get off me.

Well, someone's got to go back and get some.

- Oh, Jesus! - Cut!

I called Al.

Got him to look out for you guys while you were in Malaysia.

And action.

I called Al.

Got him to look out for you guys in Malaysia.

Cut!