Original subtitles

clay

it's um very busy I got to see you

it's um very busy I got to see you

it's um very busy I got to see you you can't do this you have to forget

you can't do this you have to forget

you can't do this you have to forget about it I can't

ruin everything I I don't care

if you remind this is where it works

I knew that man on the radio

I knew that man on the radio

I knew that man on the radio Mitch Moore pleased to meet you

Mitch Moore pleased to meet you

Mitch Moore pleased to meet you oh you're a bit too late for me I'm

oh you're a bit too late for me I'm

oh you're a bit too late for me I'm afraid I'm tucked up by 10. yeah you

afraid I'm tucked up by 10. yeah you

afraid I'm tucked up by 10. yeah you want to live a little believe me you're

want to live a little believe me you're

want to live a little believe me you're a long time Dad

just tell me you don't feel the same

just tell me you don't feel the same

just tell me you don't feel the same you've got to go say it and I'll go

you've got to go say it and I'll go

you've got to go say it and I'll go Mitch please say it

Mitch please say it

Mitch please say it was the mistake okay no way please go

Claire Claire Mitch

Claire Claire Mitch

Claire Claire Mitch it really wasn't that good you know

it really wasn't that good you know

it really wasn't that good you know contrary to what you might think I

contrary to what you might think I

contrary to what you might think I didn't shake my world so I'd have just

didn't shake my world so I'd have just

didn't shake my world so I'd have just put it down to experience and move on

put it down to experience and move on

put it down to experience and move on I'm not going anywhere

you can't allow yourself to think about

you can't allow yourself to think about

you can't allow yourself to think about it because you know how much it meant

it because you know how much it meant

it because you know how much it meant I'll call security

I'll call security

I'll call security yeah right

Supply but I didn't have the right

Supply but I didn't have the right

Supply but I didn't have the right qualifications in your stupidity

qualifications in your stupidity

qualifications in your stupidity aggression

nice of you to join us

what's up with you

I can't call me a wedding uh-huh very

I can't call me a wedding uh-huh very

I can't call me a wedding uh-huh very funny I'm not joking

someone's come up with something big

I can't do it mate I just I just can't

I can't do it mate I just I just can't

I can't do it mate I just I just can't be there

foreign

usual answering questions with his fists

usual answering questions with his fists

usual answering questions with his fists last thing I need is a papers getting

last thing I need is a papers getting

last thing I need is a papers getting hold of it and you have to go tomorrow

I'm as good as you are mate

I'm as good as you are mate

I'm as good as you are mate really but I mean it's if you're in a

really but I mean it's if you're in a

really but I mean it's if you're in a player's day you don't really need me

player's day you don't really need me

player's day you don't really need me there I want you there you're the best

there I want you there you're the best

there I want you there you're the best man

I'm sorry forget about you dad let him

I'm sorry forget about you dad let him

I'm sorry forget about you dad let him sort his own [\h__\h] out for once I can

sort his own [\h__\h] out for once I can

sort his own [\h__\h] out for once I can this is my wedding Mitch my wedding does

this is my wedding Mitch my wedding does

this is my wedding Mitch my wedding does that mean so little to you it's hardly a

that mean so little to you it's hardly a

that mean so little to you it's hardly a great romance World you've been together

great romance World you've been together

great romance World you've been together for eight years so so are you

for eight years so so are you

for eight years so so are you practically married already this is just

practically married already this is just

practically married already this is just a glorified piss-up

I ask one thing of you one thing in

I ask one thing of you one thing in

I ask one thing of you one thing in return for all the [\h__\h] I put up with

return for all the [\h__\h] I put up with

return for all the [\h__\h] I put up with over the years massaging your ego making

over the years massaging your ego making

over the years massaging your ego making you look best when I sit in the shadows

[\h__\h] you

[Music]

foreign

[Music]

by the way your brother's here oh thanks

by the way your brother's here oh thanks

by the way your brother's here oh thanks [Music]

oh my God

all right I hope what do you want

all right I hope what do you want

all right I hope what do you want nothing just thought I'd stop by and

nothing just thought I'd stop by and

nothing just thought I'd stop by and sing a little bollocks

I need you to cover for me I've I've

I need you to cover for me I've I've

I need you to cover for me I've I've pulled out of the wedding reasons aren't

pulled out of the wedding reasons aren't

pulled out of the wedding reasons aren't important but I'm just not going to be

important but I'm just not going to be

important but I'm just not going to be there okay please don't ask me why

there okay please don't ask me why

there okay please don't ask me why because I'm not going to tell you

because I'm not going to tell you

because I'm not going to tell you anyone says anything just say that's in

anyone says anything just say that's in

anyone says anything just say that's in the [\h__\h] and I've got to go up to

the [\h__\h] and I've got to go up to

the [\h__\h] and I've got to go up to Manchester to sort it out Mitch I'm not

Manchester to sort it out Mitch I'm not

Manchester to sort it out Mitch I'm not 12 anymore you can't just do that

12 anymore you can't just do that

12 anymore you can't just do that especially a kiss

because you can't face you and I get

because you can't face you and I get

because you can't face you and I get married isn't it

no this will never be me I'm gonna end

no this will never be me I'm gonna end

no this will never be me I'm gonna end up a lonely Spencer who takes an

up a lonely Spencer who takes an

up a lonely Spencer who takes an unhealthy interesting cats oh do you

unhealthy interesting cats oh do you

unhealthy interesting cats oh do you remember the morning my wedding I put

remember the morning my wedding I put

remember the morning my wedding I put that special stuff in my eyes give them

that special stuff in my eyes give them

that special stuff in my eyes give them that extra Sparkle and I realized I was

that extra Sparkle and I realized I was

that extra Sparkle and I realized I was slowly going blind I just dreamed by the

slowly going blind I just dreamed by the

slowly going blind I just dreamed by the time I said I do did you ever complain

time I said I do did you ever complain

time I said I do did you ever complain about that

about that

about that no

no

no I came back I think it was a sign

I came back I think it was a sign

I came back I think it was a sign someone told me to open my bloody eyes

at the bath rubber duck go outside shout

at the bath rubber duck go outside shout

at the bath rubber duck go outside shout if you do I'm best man I'm basically

if you do I'm best man I'm basically

if you do I'm best man I'm basically your slave

your slave

your slave I'll tell you what I'm loving doing this

I'll tell you what I'm loving doing this

I'll tell you what I'm loving doing this I'm thinking of starting a website you

I'm thinking of starting a website you

I'm thinking of starting a website you know suggestions tips do's and don'ts

know suggestions tips do's and don'ts

know suggestions tips do's and don'ts how's the speech coming it's gone and

how's the speech coming it's gone and

how's the speech coming it's gone and Dustin trust me it's like Goldust oh

Dustin trust me it's like Goldust oh

Dustin trust me it's like Goldust oh Scott there is something uh Claire's

Scott there is something uh Claire's

Scott there is something uh Claire's Daddy's in a wheelchair can make sure

Daddy's in a wheelchair can make sure

Daddy's in a wheelchair can make sure they've left space right on the front of

they've left space right on the front of

they've left space right on the front of horses no problem

Social Service on me

out last night

it happens you know

it happens you know

it happens you know you know does it oh usually with virgins

more than you

more than you

more than you I know

I know

I know I've just got things on my mind at the

I've just got things on my mind at the

I've just got things on my mind at the moment

don't always try

don't always try

don't always try [Music]

no I've got a wedding to go to

no I've got a wedding to go to

no I've got a wedding to go to Mitch

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause] okay that wasn't less all this long

okay that wasn't less all this long

okay that wasn't less all this long suddenly seems very real you'll be great

suddenly seems very real you'll be great

suddenly seems very real you'll be great this is a fun bit it's being married

this is a fun bit it's being married

this is a fun bit it's being married this sucks

in five minutes

how do I look like the most beautiful

how do I look like the most beautiful

how do I look like the most beautiful girl in the world the perfect right

girl in the world the perfect right

girl in the world the perfect right me

Elaine do you mind if it's just me and

Elaine do you mind if it's just me and

Elaine do you mind if it's just me and Dad walking down there

Dad walking down there

Dad walking down there oh no no

okay

mate can we find another room

will you please be upstanding through

will you please be upstanding through

will you please be upstanding through the entrance of the Bride

[Music]

thank you

you have the Rings

[Music]

I'd like to ask Stephen and Claire to

I'd like to ask Stephen and Claire to

I'd like to ask Stephen and Claire to hold each other's hands

publicly declare their vows in front of

publicly declare their vows in front of

publicly declare their vows in front of you their closest friends and family

[Music]

chat later Waterloo sweet this place we

chat later Waterloo sweet this place we

chat later Waterloo sweet this place we are here now has been sanctioned

are here now has been sanctioned

are here now has been sanctioned according to the law

according to the law

according to the law for the celebration of marriages oh yes

for the celebration of marriages oh yes

for the celebration of marriages oh yes it's um up your ass third door on the

it's um up your ass third door on the

it's um up your ass third door on the right

right

right before Claire and Stephen are joined in

before Claire and Stephen are joined in

before Claire and Stephen are joined in matrimony

matrimony

matrimony I have to ask if there is any person

why these two people cannot be married

why these two people cannot be married

why these two people cannot be married may they please declare it now

I do

it's just a joker I always wanted to do

it's just a joker I always wanted to do

it's just a joker I always wanted to do that sorry

come down

okay good

okay good

okay good that's a relief

Stephen

will you take Claire to be your wife

will you take Claire to be your wife

will you take Claire to be your wife will you love her comfort her honor and

will you love her comfort her honor and

will you love her comfort her honor and forsaking all others be faithful to her

forsaking all others be faithful to her

forsaking all others be faithful to her as long as you both shall live I will

as long as you both shall live I will

as long as you both shall live I will Claire

Claire

Claire will you take Stephen to be your husband

will you take Stephen to be your husband

will you take Stephen to be your husband will you love him comfort him honor and

will you love him comfort him honor and

will you love him comfort him honor and protect him

protect him

protect him and forsaking all others be faithful to

and forsaking all others be faithful to

and forsaking all others be faithful to him as long as you both shall live

him as long as you both shall live

him as long as you both shall live I will

uh so on behalf of my wife and I

I'd like to thank you all for coming and

I'd like to thank you all for coming and

I'd like to thank you all for coming and raise a toast

raise a toast

raise a toast to love

to love

to love and happiness

now without any further Ado I hand you

now without any further Ado I hand you

now without any further Ado I hand you over to the best man

thank you thank you

thank you thank you

thank you thank you oh wow

oh wow

oh wow they say that being a best man's a bit

they say that being a best man's a bit

they say that being a best man's a bit like being asked to go down on the queen

like being asked to go down on the queen

like being asked to go down on the queen it's a great honor but nobody wants to

it's a great honor but nobody wants to

it's a great honor but nobody wants to do it

oh

oh

oh seriously this this is an honor for me

seriously this this is an honor for me

seriously this this is an honor for me not only is Woody a great friend which

not only is Woody a great friend which

not only is Woody a great friend which which makes it very special that he's

which makes it very special that he's

which makes it very special that he's asked me to be his best man

asked me to be his best man

asked me to be his best man but also

but also

but also by tradition

by tradition

by tradition best mountain gets to Shag a bridesmaid

best mountain gets to Shag a bridesmaid

best mountain gets to Shag a bridesmaid so imagine my disappointment when I

so imagine my disappointment when I

so imagine my disappointment when I realized it was my wife

what's the best way to stop a woman

what's the best way to stop a woman

what's the best way to stop a woman giving you a [\h__\h] Mario

sorry sorry I'm I'm sure that's not true

sorry sorry I'm I'm sure that's not true

sorry sorry I'm I'm sure that's not true average is a right goer

I see that reminds me uh an

I see that reminds me uh an

I see that reminds me uh an ex-girlfriend of mine contacted me the

ex-girlfriend of mine contacted me the

ex-girlfriend of mine contacted me the other day and said she'd been fondly

other day and said she'd been fondly

other day and said she'd been fondly reminiscing about the wild sex we're

reminiscing about the wild sex we're

reminiscing about the wild sex we're used to have in our younger days

used to have in our younger days

used to have in our younger days and how she'd like to uh recreate those

and how she'd like to uh recreate those

and how she'd like to uh recreate those passionate encounters on a no strings

passionate encounters on a no strings

passionate encounters on a no strings basis well I was thrilled

basis well I was thrilled

basis well I was thrilled I felt Duty bound to tell her I was a

I felt Duty bound to tell her I was a

I felt Duty bound to tell her I was a little older fatter and less vibrant

little older fatter and less vibrant

little older fatter and less vibrant than it used to be she said that didn't

than it used to be she said that didn't

than it used to be she said that didn't matter she too had filled out put on

matter she too had filled out put on

matter she too had filled out put on some weight so I told her to [\h__\h] off

yeah I'd say I've been warned to uh to

yeah I'd say I've been warned to uh to

yeah I'd say I've been warned to uh to keep my material clean on account of the

keep my material clean on account of the

keep my material clean on account of the fact there's kids and old folk in the

fact there's kids and old folk in the

fact there's kids and old folk in the room and the manager of this fine

room and the manager of this fine

room and the manager of this fine establishment Mr Hunt

establishment Mr Hunt

establishment Mr Hunt Mike has given me a list of phrases that

Mike has given me a list of phrases that

Mike has given me a list of phrases that he's deemed unacceptable for use on such

he's deemed unacceptable for use on such

he's deemed unacceptable for use on such an occasion

unfortunately I put the list down and uh

unfortunately I put the list down and uh

unfortunately I put the list down and uh well I seem to have lost it so uh

well I seem to have lost it so uh

well I seem to have lost it so uh if anyone's seen my concert can they

if anyone's seen my concert can they

if anyone's seen my concert can they tell him I need another copy my punt my

tell him I need another copy my punt my

tell him I need another copy my punt my kingdom for Mike Hunt

yeah it seems to have disappeared

yeah it seems to have disappeared

yeah it seems to have disappeared vanished like my libido

vanished like my libido

vanished like my libido mind you it's no wonder for playing our

mind you it's no wonder for playing our

mind you it's no wonder for playing our house consisted choosing baby names

it's all right what's up jokes

it's all right what's up jokes

it's all right what's up jokes she's just got the [\h__\h]

the best man ladies and gentlemen

all right so I've got pages of this

all right so I've got pages of this

all right so I've got pages of this stuff go with your wife it should be all

stuff go with your wife it should be all

stuff go with your wife it should be all right go

I'd just like to say a um a few words

I'd just like to say a um a few words

I'd just like to say a um a few words and don't worry there's no jokes

[Applause]