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[OPERA MUSIC PLAYING]

[FOOTSTEPS]

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

[GASPS]

[SIGHS]

[BELL TOLLING]

[TRAIN HORN BLARING]

DAVE: Hey, guys, sorry...

PAT: Time to go.

How come I got to have turkey all the time?

PAT: It's good for you, come on.

No, we don't.

Get some fruit in those bags too, okay?

MOLLY: Do you know how many sandwiches Gwenda brings to school

and none of them have any turkey in them?

Do you wanna know how fat Gwenda is?

DAVE: I know you'll love it, Molly, so...

MOLLY: I need my bag.

DAVE: Right over there.

Okay.

PAT: I don't know where anything is around here.

Where's the bread? Could you get me some bread?

Ew!

[INDISTINCT TALKING]

Morning.

BOTH: Hi, Mom.

I'll take the apple.

Molly, take that, will you?

MOLLY: Yeah, I'll take the apple.

I'll take one of those.

Okay, I'll take the apples.

I need my bag.

Where were you?

Just driving around.

All night?

Yes.

Hey, look.

The bus is always late.

Why do we have to go... [indistinct]

Are you ready for your science test?

I studied.

Good. Oh, well, this is for you.

You're going on a field trip today.

Right. Where is Karla?

She left already.

[EXCLAIMS]

Okay, guys, let's go, we're gonna be late for the bus.

BOY: Okay, bye, Mom, see ya.

See ya.

SHARON: Bye.

See ya.

Bye-bye. Bye.

[SIGHS]

It was bad enough when you couldn't sleep in the bedroom, at least when you...

At least, when you were sleeping in the closet I knew where you were.

Now, you can't even stay in the house.

Maybe... Maybe you should...

You should talk to Sarah.

I'm going to see her this afternoon.

Sharon, it's not normal

to be sleeping in a car.

Why do you think I'm seeing a therapist?

Our kids are in trouble.

We have a child who is suicidal.

Sharon, we can't fix everything.

What about Dave?

His stomach is so tied up in knots

he eats antacids by the case.

Molly is so far behind in school

she's gonna have to repeat the year.

Doesn't any of this bother you?

Of course, it bothers me.

Look, we've got some problems that we've gotta deal with,

but your sleeping in the car every night is not helping.

Nothing's helping. I keep telling you.

I have no energy.

I can hardly put one foot in front of the other.

First, they thought I had lupus, then chronic fatigue.

My whole body's falling apart,

and they can't find anything wrong with me.

Everything is falling apart!

[SIGHS]

Oh, God, Sharon.

Don't touch me.

[SIGHS] I'm sorry.

I just don't feel like being touched right now.

[PHONE RINGING]

[SIGHS]

[PHONE RINGING]

[SIGHS] Hello?

Oh, hi. Yeah, just a minute.

It's Mary, your sister.

Mary? Hi!

How are you?

Oh, we're fine.

Oh, the kids are fine.

[SIGHS] The reason that

I called you is because...

I need your help.

I need to see you right away.

Come on, honey.

[GIRL WHINING]

What color is this one, girl? What color is this?

[GIRL WHINING]

SHARON: You haven't talked to Dad in years,

and now you're gonna send him this?

You've gone crazy.

MARY: All I'm asking is that he help

pay the cost for me to get over what he did to me.

I need $400 a month for my therapy.

I asked him for some help in a letter,

and he never even wrote back to me.

You can't sue your own father.

I'm doing it.

Well, you're talking about things that happened

20 or 30 years ago.

No. I'm suing him for things that are with me today.

Like beating up my three-year-old daughter.

Putting my fist through a window.

Like, being locked up in a psych ward,

because I go out of control.

I feel something gripping me,

like, I'm gonna boil over and I can't stop it.

I didn't know you were in a psych ward.

Three times.

I know our family had lots and lots of problems.

No... [SIGHS]

You don't know.

You left.

Isn't there some statute of limitations?

It's two years from the time you remember the injury.

This is the furthest it's ever been tested,

but my lawyer in Colorado...

You're doing this in Colorado?

That's where it happened.

But Dad's a famous lawman in Colorado,

he's got tons of friends there.

I need him to answer for this.

And I need you to testify

about what happened.

What have I got to testify about?

He never did anything to me.

But you saw what he did to everybody else.

Well, call them.

I'm asking you to help me.

[STAMMERS] Well, I'm the wrong person.

What about Steve?

No.

No, not Steve.

Why not? He got it worse than anyone.

Forget Steve.

Well, what about John?

They're both too close to Dad.

Well, how about Susan or Beth?

I haven't talked to them in so long,

I don't think they even know who I am anymore.

It was hard enough to call you.

Well, then, I'll call them.

I bet they'll come right out here.

Never.

You're talking about publicly suing Dad.

You bet they'll come out here. Do you know what this means?

They'll be out here.

I feel bad about Mary, too, but,

I've finished with all this three years ago

when I wrote Dad that letter.

Yeah, and how did you feel when he didn't answer your letter?

That's what Mary is feeling.

[PANTS] You know,

the only part of the past I care about

is finding my son.

And...

Especially now, that John has tracked down

the adoption agency in New Jersey.

Yeah, I know.

I talked to my kids and they think I should go.

After all they've been through?

Yeah, well...

That's why they want me to go.

They know what Dad did to me

and they'd love to see him pay a price for it.

Oh, you're gonna pay a bigger price for this if you get involved.

I'm not gonna get involved.

I just think it's too important not to go and talk to Mary, in person.

[SIGHS] All right, all right, all right, all right.

I'll go with you.

We're not gonna get sucked into this.

I know, I know.

And we don't breathe a word of this to Steve or John.

Come on, let's go.

Okay.

Okay, now, come on, you guys.

Help. Sue, why don't you set the table?

SUSAN: Sure.

And, Beth, you make the salad.

Cut up some lettuce.

I've got some veggies over there.

Come on, help.

And, uh...

Put these cut vegetables into the bowl.

Yes, sir.

Wash the floors. Paper the walls,

plow the garden, repair the roof.

Here's a good bowl.

SUSAN: I can't believe you are gonna do this.

Pretty scary.

I'm surprised no one's done it before.

You know, Steve and John are gonna totally flip out when they hear about this.

No, I think they're gonna support it.

Check the chicken in the oven.

Yeah, I worked for these guys.

You don't even know them anymore.

I don't care about them.

I'm asking you to support me.

We do support you.

We flew clear across the country to see you.

But you won't testify?

No.

It's not that we don't want to.

SUSAN: Listen, Mary.

You just... You don't know what we've been through.

My whole life came apart.

I couldn't work,

I couldn't feed my kids.

The only thing I wanted to do was...

The only thing I wanted to do was find a way

to check out without hurting them.

And that's when

I went into the hospital, and I...

Started remembering

weird things about Mom and Dad.

I had the flashbacks.

I just can't go through that again.

So, you won't help me?

I'm scared, Mary.

I'm scared for me and I'm scared for my kids.

It's hard enough for me just to be here now.

Mmm-hmm.

And what about you? Are you scared, too?

I'm not scared. I'm done with it.

I went through all of this three years ago.

I was afraid to leave my house.

I couldn't sleep, I couldn't...

I couldn't stop crying.

And I lost 15 pounds. [SIGHS]

But things are stable now.

Tom and I are very close to finding where our son is.

And if we get into this lawsuit,

it's just gonna mess up everything.

Beth, you have no idea how bad things got for me

after you left. You don't know.

You were gone. By the time I was three years old,

all of you were gone. You left me alone in that house.

[MARY SIGHS]

And now I'm alone again.

When I started remembering what happened to me when I was a kid,

I wanted to scream it to every person I could get hold of.

I'm not crazy. This is what happened to me.

This is what's wrong. It wasn't my fault.

[SIGHS] And now you want me to keep quiet about it.

No, Mary. That's not what we're saying.

No, you're saying you won't support me.

You won't testify, you won't stand up for me.

It's not about supporting you.

You can't imagine what it was like when you left.

BETH: I don't want to imagine what it was like.

We have been through it.

MARY: I'm still going through it.

Well, I'm not!

I need you to listen to me...

What's the point, Mary?

I don't care what happened 20 years ago.

MARY: Well, maybe I should tell you.

[ALL ARGUING]

Will you stop screaming?

Look, I'll go. If nobody else will go, I'll go.

But I cannot say that I was abused or that...

Or that anything happened to me.

Oh, no, of course not. You were always on his side.

What are you talking about? I was on your side.

Don't start it.

Doesn't matter whose side you're on.

All I'm asking you to do is testify about what you saw.

All right. I can do that.

But I...

I can't say anything about what happened to you because I was gone.

And I...

I will not say

that Dad was all bad,

because...

There was a lot of good stuff, too.

[SUSAN SCOFFS] Like what?

His public image?

SHARON: Well, I wasn't thinking of that.

His perfect little family

all lined up to watch him sing in church on Sunday.

SHARON: We were all proud of him.

You bragged just as much as everybody else

that Dad was an FBI agent.

I mean, outside the family he was a hero.

I mean, the man had a national reputation.

Yeah, in child abuse.

SARAH: What does Mary want from you?

She wants me to testify about what it was like growing up in my family.

How are you going to do that when you can't remember it?

Oh, I can remember bits and pieces.

Images.

It's just so foggy.

What do you wanna do?

I don't know.

Why don't you write down

the bits and pieces that you remember?

You like to write. Just write it.

[CHILDREN LAUGHING]

SHARON: I remember the "stick job."

Every Friday I'd marshal the kids

to pick up all the sticks in the yard.

Dad was afraid that if a stick got caught in his power mower

it might fly up and hurt him.

YOUNG SHARON: Get to work. Didn't you hear me?

How many times do I have to say it?

SHARON: I knew if it wasn't done the way he wanted it,

someone would get hit.

And I knew Mom wouldn't stop him.

So, I was the watcher.

YOUNG SHARON: Come on, you guys. Help me.

I can't do it all alone.

SHARON: I kept track of how much time there was before he came home.

How long it was safe to let them play...

Before I started ordering them to work.

[CHILDREN CHANTING]

No one loved him.

Not even Mom.

Maybe least of all Mom.

So, I volunteered to walk the acre with him.

Checking for sticks.

Pretending to enjoy myself.

YOUNG SHARON: Look at that squirrel.

SHARON: I thought if he felt loved,

maybe he wouldn't be so angry.

Yeah. That's a red squirrel.

What is that?

It just fell from the tree.

Pick it up.

What's that?

Pick it up. Now!

Hurry up.

SHARON: But if the job hadn't been done just the way he wanted,

the yelling would start

and somebody would get hit.

No!

It's Karla. She's sick, she's throwing up.

Have you got a fever?

[KARLA RETCHING]

I'm fine.

It's food poisoning.

That's not food. That's alcohol.

DAVE: She's like this all the time.

PAT: What do you mean, "all the time"?

I mean, for the past six months.

SHARON: Why didn't you tell us?

Why didn't you notice?

You're drunk.

So, what?

Don't you "so what" me.

You wanna kill yourself. I want you to stop...

Get off!

Stop this right now...

Off!

Leave me alone.

Get off.

Stop!

[SLAPS]

[PAT GRUNTS]

[SLAPPING]

ED: Don't be insolent.

Don't be insolent.

I made you some lunch.

Clean that stuff off the wall.

MARY: Okay, see all of these pictures?

JESSIE: Yeah.

MARY: Okay, these pictures are all different parts of Mommy.

Okay, they're not Mommy.

They're not me.

But they're different parts of me.

Do you understand that?

JESSIE: Mmm-hmm.

This is Karen.

Karen... This is the part of me.

Karen is the part of me that hits you.

Karen is the part that we want to send away,

so she doesn't ever come back.

All right, enough already. I don't believe you.

Come here, Jessie. Come on, Jessie. Come with Daddy.

Come on. Attagirl.

You know there's only one Jessie, right?

And you only have one Mommy.

And one Daddy.

What are you doing?

Confusing her with all that stuff. What is that?

Mmm... I'm just telling her

what I'm learning about myself.

Oh, really? She's three years old.

You think she needs to be told that her mother is

split apart in eight different directions?

Oh, let me guess here, Mary, uh,

you're gonna be up all night again, is that right?

I have... I have a lawsuit coming up that takes time.

Hey, Mary, so does a family, okay? But you want to sit there

obsessing every waking hour,

obsessing about your past.

You should be here right now in the present with us,

with your family.

I can't be.

Of course you can be. What does that mean, "I can't"?

You didn't have to start this in the first place.

Just look at her face and tell me I didn't have to start this.

Don't you understand that I'm doing this for us?

For us? Well, listen, "us" can't afford it.

"Us" can't afford the money.

What... What are you thinking up there? What is that?

I mean, you... This is a good thing, our name splattered

all over town. "Mary Rodgers,

"sex object for her father."

I have to do this!

Why do you have to do this?

Because...

I... Because of what's happening to me right now.

Well, stop it, Mary!

I can't. Aren't you seeing...

Stop it!

I can't.

Stop it, Mary!

I can't, I can't. [SOBBING]

I can't, I can't.

[SOBS] I...

Can't, I can't.

I can't, I can't.

I can't. [CRYING]

[SOBBING] I can't.

I can't.

[APPLAUSE]

[INAUDIBLE]

[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]

You okay?

Happier times.

[SMACKS LIPS] I sit down to...

Write about the family

and all these details just come pouring out of me like a gusher.

More like a sewer.

Yeah.

I'm the same way.

It's ruining my marriage.

I believe it.

Whenever I think back on all of it,

how scared we were all the time.

The absolute tyranny of that house.

No.

No, I mean,

the lawsuit

is ruining my marriage.

That's why I...

I can't continue with it.

What do you mean?

You said your whole life depends on this lawsuit.

For getting the money for your therapy.

Wayne and I had another fight,

and he said that if I don't drop it,

he's gonna divorce me and take my little girl.

Oh, Mary.

No.

[SIGHS] I'm sorry.

It's just that I...

I got myself into this

so deep, and I just...

[LAUGHS] Now you have to drop it.

[SIGHS]

My family is all I have, if...

If I lose them, I lose everything.

At first, I didn't want any part of it.

Then I said, I'd testify.

[SIGHS] Now, I don't wanna let go.

It's like I'm starting to remember things in my childhood.

That's why Mary's lawsuit was

so important. I mean, it was...

It was making me go places inside of me that I just

had never been willing to go before.

What are you going to do now that

Mary doesn't need you anymore?

Dave, you left your shoes and socks in the kitchen.

Come on, Mom. You never sit down for a second.

I'll clean it up in a minute.

Come on, Molly,

you haven't finished your homework. Come on, you guys.

Where do you think you're going?

Out.

Dad said it was okay.

Are you crazy?

You're not going anywhere.

Get in here.

What are you...

She's drinking every night.

Oh, she said she'd be home by 10:00.

And what if she gets drunk?

Please...

I talked to a doctor who said she's gonna

kill herself if she keeps this up.

You are not stepping one foot outside this house

until you get some help.

KARLA: You can't stop me.

SHARON: Oh, yes, I can.

PAT: Sharon.

I'm your mother.

KARLA: Some mother!

All you ever do is yell at me!

SHARON: 'Cause you don't ever do anything around this house.

Get in here.

You get upstairs and clean your room.

Oh, God, Sharon.

Get up there.

Put your bed together.

Put your things away.

Get out here.

KARLA: You're nothing but a slave driver.

SHARON: A slave driver?

I slave-drive myself around here.

I'm the only one who does anything.

I'm the only one who washes the floors.

You're crazy.

I'm the only one who does the laundry.

I'm the only one who picks up everything.

You're crazy!

I'm the only one who can stop you from killing yourself.

I hate you!

Karla!

Sharon?

Help. Help me move this.

Sharon.

Get some chairs.

Get some chairs, I said!

Get some chairs.

PAT: Sharon, what are you doing?

I'm helping my daughter. All of you, help me.

Here.

Sharon.

Put this in front of the door.

Sharon, no.

I want you to sleep in front of the door.

No. Leave it.

Leave it alone.

Give me that.

Stop it.

Put it back.

I need help!

Please stop it. Now look what you're doing.

Look what you're doing. Look what...

Listen, Sharon.

Sharon!

[FOOTSTEPS ECHOING]

[OPERA MUSIC PLAYING]

[FOOTSTEPS]

SARAH: But, what was it like for you as a child?

Maybe we should ask your 10-year-old child.

She's in you, you know.

We all have a child in us.

If I have a 10-year-old inside of me,

she is too busy.

YOUNG SHARON: Come on, you guys, help me.

SHARON: She doesn't have time for friends.

SARAH: Oh, busy doing what?

SHARON: Keeping house, cleaning the yard,

changing diapers.

Keeping all the kids in line so they don't get hit.

SARAH: She sounds like a very grown-up child.

Oh, she is.

Yeah, she is.

She is strong.

And she is...

She is fierce,

and she takes charge.

[CHILDREN SINGING]

And she's...

She protects everyone.

She's the protector.

This really gets me.

The minute Mary drops it,

Sharon takes over.

She's not taking over. She's just committed

to finding out if there's a case against Dad or not.

Daddy's little darling.

How could she possibly have a case?

She doesn't think she does. That's why she wants us to go.

[SIGHS] I mean,

she's always committed to something.

It's all right for her to keep busy to avoid going crazy.

But, if Mary doesn't want to go through with it,

why should she?

I don't get it.

What are you guys arguing about?

Grandpa should be punished for what he did.

Yeah, but what if Sharon goes through with this

and it gets in the papers...

You want your friends to find out about this?

Who cares?

SUSAN: Your uncles.

And you know what will happen if Steve and John find out.

God, what about Mom?

[SIGHS] If anyone should sue Grandpa, it should be you.

This is a great idea.

Why don't we just invite Dad back into our lives?

"Hi, Dad, how are you?

"Come on in. Have a seat.

"Hey, how about a drink?

"No, no, no. Don't have a drink,

"have the whole bottle."

What makes you think he's ever been out of my life?

I mean, things aren't so great around here,

they couldn't stand a little improvement.

I may not be sitting in my room in a dirty bathrobe,

but I... [SIGHS]

I can't hold a job, I can't...

I have half a life.

That's why I have to see this through.

At least, see Mary's lawyer in Denver with Sharon.

[SIGHS]

Mmm.

Leave me out of it.

I... I've got enough to do finding my son.

Maybe you should find a way to deal with

how you lost him in the first place.

[EXHALES] Well, if I find him, I won't have to.

I wish it were that simple.

You're telling me you had to watch

while your father bruised and bloodied your brothers and sisters on a daily basis.

Your family used to make jokes about it.

A broken eardrum,

a cracked rib, bloody noses.

You were beaten repeatedly, sexually molested,

and you don't think you have enough for a lawsuit? [SCOFFS]

Now, I have been handling abuse cases for 10 years,

and based on what you've told me today,

I'd say you each have a case.

SHARON: We each have one?

Oh, I can't possibly have a case.

I haven't repressed any memories,

I've known about this my whole life.

The repressed memory isn't the only way to frame the argument.

The way the statute's written,

the two-year limit doesn't start running

until you understand the full nature

and extent of your injury.

That argument's never been used before in a child abuse case,

but I think it's fitting.

You didn't connect your abuse

to the problems you're having as an adult

until after you were hospitalized.

One thing I'm not so sure about is,

even if we have a case against Dad...

Why should we pursue it?

No, I'm not saying you should.

I could tell you why you shouldn't.

There is no guarantee that you'll win.

Chances are you'll come out more emotionally scarred

than you already are.

It's expensive. I can take the gamble

as far as my fees are concerned,

but the law requires that you pay the expenses.

Those could amount to $10,000, $20,000,

whether you win or lose.

And most importantly,

there is no right to privacy in a case like this.

And I guarantee you the defense will find

the one thing

you don't want anyone to ever know about you,

and they'll drag it right out there for all the world to see.

Why would anyone ever do it?

Compensation.

I'm not looking for money.

I just want my dad to face up to what he did.

To the others.

And I'd like my mother to face up to what she did.

Especially to me.

What was her part in all this?

SHARON: She was right there.

I... I mean, six kids were abused over a 25-year period.

And... And she didn't know what was going on?

If we bring a lawsuit against Dad, I want to include Mom.

She never did anything to hurt me, and I don't want to hurt her.

You've always taken Mom's side.

Yeah, and you've always taken Dad's.

Well, I'm hardly taking his side here.

I'm talking about suing him.

Look, I think your lawsuit is with your father,

not your mother, but I want you to think

very carefully about it.

If you can't honestly stand up and say, "I was wronged

"and I'm entitled to compensation,"

then you should forget the lawsuit.

[SIGHS]

Oh, the whole idea terrifies me, but...

I mean...

You know, in spite of everything Dad did,

he's not a monster.

♪ Mine eyes have seen The glory of the coming Of the Lord

♪ He is trampling out The vintage

♪ Where the grapes of wrath Are stored

♪ He hath loosed The fateful lightning

♪ Of his terrible swift sword

♪ His truth is marching on

[MOUTHING]

♪ Glory, glory, hallelujah!

♪ Glory, glory, hallelujah!

♪ Glory, glory, hallelujah!

♪ Glory, glory, hallelujah!

♪ Glory, glory, hallelujah!

♪ Glory, glory, hallelujah!

♪ His truth is marching on ♪

[WHISPERS] Hey, Susie.

[WHISPERING] Hey, Susie, it's your daddy.

Mm?

[SOFTLY] Daddy loves you, Susie.

[INHALES SHARPLY]

[GRUNTS]

You know how much Daddy loves you?

[SOFTLY] Mm? Do you know?

[WHISPERS] Do you know?

[WHISPERS] Come here, Susie.

[WHISPERS] Come here...

[WHISPERING] Won't you give Daddy a big kiss?

Mm?

Come on, give him a big kiss.

[WHISPERS] Come on, now, come on.

[GASPING]

SHARON: What's wrong?

Are you okay?

Oh, God. This is how I felt

just before I went in the hospital.

[VOICE BREAKING] Why wouldn't he leave me alone?

[CRYING]

All right...

Don't touch me!

Oh, God.

Isn't that stupid?

[STUTTERS] I mean, why shouldn't you touch me?

For the same reason nobody can touch me.

I mean, that's what cost me my marriage.

Not to mention, what it's cost me at doctors,

hospitals and therapists.

[STUTTERING] I'm the one who should sue the bastard.

I mean, you may have a problem with compensation, but I don't.

It has cost me a fortune in therapists and hospitals.

Just trying to get over what he did to me.

[INHALES]

Then we'll do it together.

Kids used to get beaten for just having their hair

combed wrong or for

having dirty fingernails.

Punches in the face and the head.

Somebody was always walking around

with a bloody nose, split lip.

Oh, man. He was like a...

A jealous lover.

He would...

He didn't wanna see me with boys.

He didn't wanna see me on dates.

I had a lot of problems when I got married.

[SCRIBBLING]

It was, uh...

[SCRIBBLING CONTINUES]

It was hard for me to have sex

with someone who wanted me.

Three of us have been hospitalized,

three of us have been...

suicidal.

And it went on and on.

We... We figured it out. The physical

and sexual assault went on from, what?

1944 to '97.

Oh, we had a whole language, too.

Remember? We used words like,

"skittering" and "stalking".

Yeah, and "skittering"

was hunkering against the wall

so you could get past Dad.

And "stalking",

that was when Dad would

follow right behind you

right on your heels,

with his fists clenched.

God, it was really intimidating.

The whole atmosphere in the family was,

"Don't say anything.

"Dad might lose his job.

"We wouldn't have any money.

"I mean, he might lose his pension.

"We have to hang on."

What about the animals?

Oh, God. Mom and her animals.

[SIGHS]

SHARON: I don't know why she would do that.

SUSAN: God only knows.

But she certainly thought we needed them.

And she was also weird around religion.

She had this idea that she got

lights from God.

She had a gift of prophecy.

Your mother, was she...

Did your father ever beat her?

Yeah, but not as frequently as the kids.

Oh, she was part of the whole dynamic.

They knew just what buttons to push at each other.

They kept doing it.

I remember when they went out.

They'd always come home and get into a fight.

Usually, over his drinking too much.

SUSAN: Things always escalated.

But you could see it coming. It was like a fountain.

[INDISTINCT]

HELEN: Don't touch me!

SHARON: He got to the point where they hardly spoke to each other.

SUSAN: Yeah, eventually he moved into a room in the basement.

DANA: Are you suggesting that's why he turned to his daughters?

Oh, no.

Lots of husbands and wives don't sleep together,

but those men don't molest their children.

Do you think that at this stage of her life

she'd be willing to talk about these things?

[SCOFFS]

SUSAN: I doubt it.

HELEN: What's Sharon got to complain about?

She was never beaten after the age of two.

You ask me this whole vicious thing

is because Sharon is losing her sexuality

and she's taking it out on her father.

She was beaten before the age of two?

[SIGHS]

[HESITANTLY] If she cried too much or...

If she wet her bed.

When she was 10 months old, she...

Well, her father threw her across the room into her crib.

It's a wonder her neck wasn't broken.

I should have left him right then and there,

but I was pregnant with Susan.

After she came along,

he never hit Sharon again.

He hit Susan.

And the others.

But there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Did you ever consider getting a divorce?

I'm a Catholic.

But eventually you did get a divorce.

Yes.

What about the allegations of sexual abuse?

I can't believe that ever happened.

But whatever did happen,

it wouldn't have been so bad

if Sharon had tried to stop it.

What could she have done?

Making him a sandwich?

Why don't you give him a kiss?

Tell him how wonderful he is.

[WHISPERS] That way you'll never get hit.

What about your brother?

Why don't you do something to help him?

[WHISPERS] She was his pet.

She could have done something.

I don't understand how...

Of course you don't.

You have no idea what it was like

living in that house.

You have no idea

what it was like watching your children

being beaten and not being able

to do anything to stop it.

Did you try?

[WHISPERS] Of course, I did.

I yelled, I screamed.

I prayed novenas.

I went to mass and communion.

I said rosaries.

I gave everything in my power to stop it.

Not the head, Ed.

Not the head.

Don't ever!

[WHACKING]

Ever disobey me again!

She was always afraid of brain damage.

She'd say, [IMITATING] "Not the head.

"Not the head."

I mean, now I wanna just scream at her.

"Shut up, just shut up!"

You know, 'cause that's where the blows would come every time.

Every single time!

[SCOFFS] Why didn't she say "Not the legs"?

"Not the legs."

Sharon, just what the hell do you think you're doing?

I just got off the phone with Dad.

He says he's been served papers for a lawsuit,

for child abuse.

He's totally destroyed.

He wants to kill himself.

Now, John and I talked him out of that.

And he's willing to get treatment for his alcoholism.

Oh, that's great.

Look, he's willing to get help.

This lawsuit won't help him.

It's helping me.

Yeah, well, why don't you stop

thinking about yourself for a change?

He's an old man.

I'm thinking about myself

for the first time in my life.

Yeah, well, leave us out of it.

You're 3,000 miles away.

Stop trying to run everyone else's life

and screwing everything up.

And you leave Dad alone!

He's sick.

He's an alcoholic.

Why can't you just forgive and forget?

You forgive me, Steve?

[SOFTLY] I forgive you.

Do you love me?

[SOFTLY] I love you, Dad.

[SOFTLY] I love you, too.

[WHISPERS] I love you, too.

[WHISPERS] Yes.

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

It's going to be much harder for him

to lie if you're sitting in the room.

You were a child abuse expert.

First, with the FBI and later

with the district attorney's office.

You've written extensively on the subject,

you've spoken out publicly on behalf of abused children.

Have you ever thought of yourself as a child abuser?

ED: I have

thought of myself as a domineering

son of a bitch who demanded strict responses

from his children.

I don't think my behavior rose to the level

of criminal abuse.

Do you recall that when you disciplined

one of your children, you would line

the rest of them up to watch?

I don't recall that.

Do you recall when Steve

ruined some family film,

the children were forced to watch

while you beat him with a board?

No.

Do you recall rupturing Steve's eardrum?

No.

Do you recall when you punched John

and blood splurted all over the wall

and you told him to clean it up?

No.

Do you recall throwing him into the air

and punching him so hard that he messed his pants?

No, I do not.

If you had, would you recall it?

If I did any injury, I would.

By "injury", you mean?

Marks, bruises, whatever, welts.

DANA: Did you ever try to cover any marks?

ED: I did not try to conceal anything.

I am asking you

if you ever tried...

No.

...to conceal welts...

No, ma'am.

...bruises, marks?

No, ma'am.

DANA: Do you recall when Susan was six weeks old,

beating her legs so severely that your wife

had to put tights on her to hide the bruises?

ED: No.

[SIGHS] Do you remember when Sharon

was less than a year old, throwing her across the room

into her crib because she was crying?

ED: No.

Have you ever sexually abused any of your daughters?

No.

Do you recall

going into the girls' bedroom,

stroking Susan's legs,

kissing her on the mouth and telling her

that you loved her?

Absolutely not.

Do you recall when Susan...

ED: Excuse me, I remember telling her

that I loved her.

Do you recall when Susan was in her late teens,

taking her downstairs

to your bed, climbing on top of her and fondling her?

No.

Why would she make this allegation if it wasn't true?

Loss of her father's affection, lack of attention,

the divorce.

DANA: But you don't consider the possibility

that she's angry with you because of abuse?

Absolutely not.

I may not have been the best father in the world,

I know that.

That's why I went into this field.

To learn about child abuse?

That's correct.

Did you learn about it firsthand in your own home?

No.

If all four of your daughters

have accused you of repeated physical

and sexual assault...

If I had abused my children,

I would know it.

I spent 35 years in law enforcement

with a specialty in child abuse.

I'm very angry now because I'm getting very distressed.

I love these two kids.

I love the other ones, too.

If I was...

I was such a terrible father, why not tell me when I'm 35 or 40?

Why tell me now? I'm 72 years old.

DANA: You're a specialist in abuse, you're aware of the dynamics

of denial in an abused child.

ED: Counsel, I'm being accused of things that happened

over 30 years ago...

By my own flesh and blood.

How does that feel?

Sue your own father.

Drag down your family name.

Feel good?

It brought me right back to my childhood

when I would see something

and have to pretend it never happened.

Is that what this poetry's about?

I don't know what it's about.

There, why don't you read one?

"And he'd speak about things I needed to know,

"in a voice that covered me to my chin.

"In yards of purple velvet

"until my whole body tingled alive,

"then timing my breath to his,

"we'd glide to that rhythm

"in the pitch black,

"rising and falling,

"like lovers, riding a carousel."

What does that mean to you?

I don't know.

Who's the voice? The voice in the dark.

Oh, that's the voice of God.

I've heard it ever since I was a little girl.

How do you know it's God?

I used to always know it.

It's the same voice I hear...

[SIGHS] Every time Pat and I try to make love.

Speaks to me.

Pulls me away.

What does the voice say?

Something about never feeling that way again.

What way?

I don't know.

When did you first start hearing this voice?

When I was five, I started...

I've never told this to anyone.

I had a ritual.

Every night, I'd lie down

alone in my bed and I'd...

I can't let anyone know this.

I'm scared.

I'm really scared.

Sharon. Sharon, look at me.

[WHIMPERS]

Oh, God.

Sharon!

[RETCHING]

Here.

Here, darling.

[COUGHS]

You all right?

Uh-huh.

[GROANS]

Oh, Sharon, these things happen.

They happen. It's part of the process.

[BLOWS NOSE]

Now, listen.

We're gonna get through this.

We're gonna get through it together.

I'm gonna be with you every step of the way.

I'll go with you to the court, every single day.

I'm asking you

if you remember your father ever hitting you.

Uh, no.

So you're saying that every child except you was abused.

Isn't that what you're saying?

That all through your childhood,

you were on your father's side.

His favorite, and now you turn on him?

Which Sharon are we supposed to believe?

He never laid a hand on you,

yet you have the audacity

to bring a lawsuit against him

for child abuse!

Answer as simply as you can.

[SIGHS] But it's not simple.

It's not, it's not simple.

Your childhood was spent in a concentration camp.

Your father was like a Nazi and your mother didn't stop him.

Dana Quinn.

I can tell you why this is so hard.

And it's easy for you and everyone else to talk about my father

the way you do, but...

You won't understand this, Dana,

but there's a part of me that...

[SOBBING] That wants my father.

We had a common bond.

That no one loved him and no one loved me.

Once I walk out of that courtroom,

I'll never see him again.

Never.

I'll never be at his deathbed,

and that's hard for me

because there's a part of me

that wants to keep on loving him

and believing in him.

I know that's sick, but...

But it's the truth.

That's all I'm asking you to do, Sharon.

Tell the truth.

I know what I have to do.

I have to face my dad on his own turf.

In a...

In a court of law.

That's the only place he respects.

It's the only place he'll listen to me.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

He's not gonna show up.

Can't you make him show up?

He has a right not to appear.

You know, this is what he always does.

This is what he did to Beth and Mary

when he didn't answer their letters.

You'll get a default judgment.

Maybe you could find some other way to confront your father.

He'll never listen to us.

There's no defendant.

I've never seen a case tried without a defendant.

Does that mean it can't be done?

[SIGHS]

Technically, no. You're entitled to a trial.

But that doesn't mean that you'll win.

The statute we're using has never been tested.

So I want you to think very carefully about how you'll feel

if you go ahead with this and lose,

when your father wasn't even here with a defense.

This isn't about winning.

[SIGHS] This is about holding our father

accountable for what he did.

I started out doing this for everyone else.

But now, I need it.

If Dad won't acknowledge anything that he's done,

maybe the jury will.

Your Honor, the plaintiffs would like to proceed with the trial.

SARAH: Until recently, Sharon was like a Superwoman,

pursuing her Ph.D in Education at Harvard,

working full-time as a faculty administrator,

uh, part-time as a teaching fellow,

and raising six children.

To all outward appearances,

she was the perfect mother with the perfect family.

DANA: When did all that stop?

SARAH: When her children fell apart.

One became suicidal,

one ran off with the man who beat her,

another one started drinking heavily.

Do you have an opinion as to why that happened?

Oh, I think it can all be traced back

to the abuse and the atmosphere of abuse she suffered as a child.

Well, Sharon has given you permission

to speak openly about everything

she's shared with you. Is that correct?

Between the ages of five and eleven,

Sharon engaged in some very private sexual rituals.

These rituals were done alone,

but it's my opinion that they're reenactments of experiences

taught to her by someone else.

They involved objects...

[PANTING] I can't know this.

[DOOR OPENS]

[PANTING]

[SHARON CRIES] No!

ED: You won't feel this way again...

SHARON: Don't say it. Don't say it.

ED: Until you're married.

SUSAN: Sharon.

Don't touch me!

Are you okay?

[SIGHS]

The rituals.

The objects.

That's not the worst.

That's not the worst.

[SOBBING]

SHARON: Something is happening here.

We want you to be a part of it.

I've seen some of it.

It's been on the news all day.

SHARON: I'm not talking about what's on the news.

I'm talking about what's happening to us.

To me and Susan.

And we want you to be here.

When Sarah was on the stand, I started to feel things

I haven't felt since I was five years old.

It wasn't clear.

It was just sort of pieces. But they were there.

I... I really can't talk now.

I'm not asking you to come for me, Beth.

I'm asking you to come for you.

Well, I'm still thinking about it.

Good luck tomorrow.

She drags our name through the mud,

and you don't have the guts to tell her you're not going.

Beth, I don't understand you.

[SCOFFS] I don't expect you to.

You haven't had a breakdown.

You haven't been in the hospital.

Well, let's just think about that for a minute, Beth.

Why do you suppose that is?

I mean, I had it worst.

Everybody says I had it the worst.

But I'm not falling apart.

I'm not on medication.

Do you know why?

[SIGHS] Maybe...

Maybe because you're a man.

No, maybe because your abuse wasn't sexual.

Because I didn't let it beat me.

I stood up and took it.

I was molested!

And so was Susan and so was Mary.

That didn't happen. I lived in the house, I know.

Beth.

This is your brother.

The uncle to your kids.

The guy who took Mara to the hospital

when she fell off her bicycle.

But I'll tell you something.

You go out there,

and you can forget about having me as a brother.

Don't threaten me.

Your kids can forget about having me as an uncle.

You can forget about ever seeing me again!

Don't you bully me.

If I wanna go, I'll go!

God!

Nothing ever changes.

[SIGHS] I'm trapped in the middle.

I'm always trapped in the middle.

[SIGHS]

When I was 12 years old,

my father sent me to the store to get some Worcestershire sauce,

and I came home with horseradish instead.

He was furious.

He told me to go back and get it right.

But I was scared.

Because by now it was dark outside

and the store was over a mile away.

I would have had to go through some pretty bad neighborhoods.

My mother even said something to him,

but he insisted that I go alone as a punishment,

because he was sure that I had gotten the wrong bottle on purpose.

What happened?

On the way home, I was raped.

A man...

pulled me into his car and he raped me.

I remember running home crying and thinking that

my father was gonna be really mad at me because I had taken so long.

DANA: And was he?

No. He was mad at the man who did it to me.

He took me into the bathroom.

I was still... holding the bottle.

ED: Was he as tall as me?

And he made me tell him what happened.

ED: Do you remember his eyes?

He made me describe the man...

ED: What was he wearing?

Uh, the car.

All the details.

Do you remember... Did he say anything to you? Anything.

Did he have a car?

Did he take you in a car?

Did he do it there? What?

Did you see anybody? Anybody?

Did you see anybody around when this was going on?

Did... Did you hear anybody call out?

Did you call out? Did you call out?

Did you at least say something?

Did you say, "Stop"?

He didn't care about me.

He didn't get me any help.

All he cared about was catching the man who did it.

DANA: Would you tell the jury the incident

that happened when you were 19?

SUSAN: I came home late from rehearsal.

A boy drove me home, and when I got out of the car,

my mother was waiting for me.

Rehearsal ran late. We just got...

You're nothing but a cheap little tramp.

Why don't you leave the girl alone?

She's nothing but a little whore.

"I know what you've been doing, you little tramp.

"She's nothing but a whore."

My father took me downstairs to his room.

[DOOR OPENS]

Well, go on.

[FOOTSTEPS DESCENDING]

I know you're a big girl now.

You make your own decisions.

I know.

Come home when you want.

Sit down.

ED: Closer.

Sit down, sit down.

Now you tell me all about it, okay?

Mm?

Come here.

Come here, come here.

Look at me. Look at me.

[CRIES]

Come on, take your jacket off.

Take your jacket off!

[CRYING]

Mm?

Hey.

Look. Look at me.

[WHIMPERS]

Be still.

Mm.

[SUSAN SOBBING]

Shh.

SUSAN: I was afraid that even the slightest

twitch of a muscle, even the batting of an eye...

[ED MOANING]

It would be

taken as a signal for him to go further.

So, I just laid there like a corpse.

I remember actually...

...leaving my body.

I floated right

out of my body.

I watched him from the ceiling.

Out of reach.

[SIGHS] Do you recall being beaten by your father?

Yes, the, um...

Worst ones usually came after a long buildup.

DANA: Could you describe a severe beating for us?

[SIGHING] My...

father had certain ideas about how...

you should wear your hair.

He told us he didn't want us

to look like prostitutes.

So, one day, some friends of mine on the tennis team

had a bottle of peroxide.

And we put it in our bangs.

I was afraid to go home.

And...

When I went home, I got the silent treatment

for a week.

[GRUNTS]

[CRYING]

[YELLING] Come here, come here!

Come here!

[CRYING]

He...

...got me up against

the iron pole and he was...

banging my head against it.

[PANTING]

And, uh, after he punched me in the head,

he started kicking me in the ribs.

[GRUNTING]

[PANTING]

[INHALES SHARPLY]

And, uh...

[SIGHS] The strange thing is,

I didn't feel any pain.

I remember being kind of fascinated

and saying to myself,

"This is like the movies.

"This is...

"Like watching someone else get it."

[SIGHS]

[BREATHING SHAKILY]

It was one of the most severe beatings I ever got.

[VOICE BREAKING] And I don't remember feeling anything.

[CRYING]

No, wait. It's okay.

Everything is okay.

[CRYING] No, God, it's not okay!

I'm proud of you. You did the right thing.

[CRYING] It's not okay.

I can't feel anything.

[CRYING] It's not just then. It's now.

God, I walked out of 14 years of marriage,

and I didn't feel a thing, not even for my children.

And that hurts now.

I don't want you to take that away from me.

It's my pain.

It belongs to me.

For the first time in my life, I can really feel it.

Just let me have it.

[SOBBING]

Don't try to fix it.

[REPORTER ON TV] The youngest member of the family, Mary Rodgers,

was not present in the courtroom.

However, a crowded gallery was shocked

by the reading of her deposition,

which painted a disturbingly detailed account

of sexual abuse by her father,

who thus far, has not answered the charges.

The trial is in its third day.

Are you mad that you didn't go?

As the shattered lives of the Rodgers children are...

No, I made my own choice.

I had to give my deposition.

So, your part's over now?

My part in the trial.

Mmm.

Well, there's another part? What other part is there?

[SIGHS]

Being there with my sisters.

For what?

I wanna be... I wanna be part of what they are doing.

Now, not the trial, but...

They are throwing out the old family and I need to do that, too.

I wanna be a part of that.

[BLOWING]

I think you should go. [CLEARS THROAT]

I'm... I'm not gonna get on the stand.

I'm not gonna embarrass...

Hey, Mary, come on.

I think you should go.

Listen, uh...

You've already proved this family comes first,

that's all that mattered to me.

Now, listen, you started this thing,

I think you should at least be there for the finish.

Right?

...years of observation, uh, exactly what the results would be...

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Who is it?

BETH: It's your father.

I've got a gun.

It's loaded and I'm planning to shoot.

[LAUGHING]

Where are those pesky Rodgers sisters?

[LAUGHS]

Beth, I'm so glad you are here.

Oh.

Yeah, well.

I figured, what's a child abuse trial without a few laughs?

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

What are you doing here?

STEVEN: Taking away your circus tent.

Oh, what's that supposed to mean?

You'll see.

You think it's fun being a traitor, you just wait.

Um, we'd like, uh, a continuance,

so that we can prepare a defense.

[clears throat] Could I have some water, please?

[CLEARS THROAT]

JUDGE: Your father had ample notice to prepare a defense.

Do you have any reason to believe that he isn't

voluntarily absent from these proceedings?

I'm gonna answer that question truthfully.

I know he voluntarily absented himself,

because he believes he'll get crucified here.

And so do I.

But my brother and I are willing to be here,

and hire an attorney, if we have to.

[SCOFFS] And... And counter this stuff.

Mr. Rodgers,

your father can speak for himself.

Or he can hire an attorney, but you can't speak for him.

Excuse me, hey, lady, you have no right to do this.

Do you know what you are doing to my family?

To my father, to us.

Now, I know the house is a bloodbath. I was beaten worse than anyone.

Stop it. Listen to what you are saying.

You're saying that this home was a bloodbath.

That it wasn't safe. That's all your sisters are saying...

You are railroading the guy. You are destroying him.

[PEOPLE ARGUING]

[SHOUTING] Get away from her!

[ALL ARGUING]

[SIGHS]

I, um...

I don't wanna be here.

I, um, certainly

don't wanna talk about the, uh...

The beatings and the violence.

Not that I didn't go through that.

I was, um...

I was beaten constantly.

Um...

I was yanked up off the floor by my ponytail.

I had my head

shoved into a toilet

and held underwater when I was...

two years old.

But, uh,

what I feel most strongly

and what I can't seem to get over,

no matter how much I try,

and I've been trying for 20 years,

is something that happened to me when I was 17.

Uh...

I got pregnant.

Um... [CHUCKLES]

I was sure my dad was gonna kill me,

'cause he'd come close enough to it before.

But he, uh...

He...

He seemed to understand. He...

I mean, I felt like I had a father

for the first time in my life.

[SIGHS]

I thought, "Well, maybe he really does care about me."

You're gonna make me a Grandpa.

Over my dead body.

Over your dead body, what?

Do you know what this is going to do to your career?

To this family's reputation?

Helen.

Your daughter is having a baby.

Do you want to be seen in church

with a daughter whose belly is out to here?

Daddy.

[SIGHS]

For five minutes I had a father.

And then, he was gone.

I was sent away for nine months...

To have my baby.

Nobody came to see me.

I was, um... I was alone the whole time.

Tom... Tom tried to come and see me,

but he couldn't stand up to my parents.

I mean, we were... We were just kids.

I can forgive him for that,

but I really can't forgive my parents.

They, um, they put my baby up for adoption.

I never saw him.

Except once.

I woke up once and the nurse wheeled him in by mistake.

And I screamed at her

to get him out of there, because I knew that I couldn't have him.

But, I...

[SOBBING] I...

I saw his foot.

[SOBBING]

That's it.

I just saw his foot.

[SNIFFLES]

I never... I never touched him.

And I never held him.

[SIGHS]

And, um...

When I got home, I was told to act like I never had him.

And my father

always had the strength to beat me up,

but he couldn't stand up to my mother.

He came to me and he put his hands on me.

And he said...

I'll never forget this.

He said,

"My baby is a woman now."

[DOOR OPENS]

ED: There, there, you can't cry forever.

Guess who thought about this little girl

the whole time you were gone?

And you know what I was thinking?

Why didn't I say no?

Why didn't I say no when they took my child?

Because in that house if you said "no,"

you got beaten.

And it worked.

The violence and the intimidation worked.

[SIGHS]

You know, my dad did unspeakable things to us.

It's amazing that we all survived.

Because nobody ever stopped it.

I think, nobody even ever tried to stop it.

I did try.

I did everything in my power to stop it.

I cleaned the house. I picked up the yard.

I washed dishes. I cooked dinner.

And you did every bit of it, so you wouldn't get hit.

Don't say that. I did it for you.

What difference did it make how clean the house was

or how many sticks we picked up from the yard?

You think it's any feather in your cap

that Dad didn't kill us?

Why can't you admit it?

I was there for you. I was on your side.

And all you ever did was make fun of me.

You called me "square share."

Well, it wasn't funny.

I should have just said, "do hell with you,"

and thought about myself for once.

But I stayed there, and I did make a difference,

and don't you ever dare tell me that I didn't.

No, Sharon.

You weren't there. You left.

After you left, everything got worse.

I was the youngest one.

So, I was all they had left.

And, nobody came along to replace me.

So it didn't stop as I got older.

I remember by the time I was seven or eight,

I would go downstairs to his bedroom at night.

And I would leave my nightgown on.

But I'd take my underwear off.

That was the routine.

[SIGHS]

Beth, please don't go.

I remember once.

He came downstairs and I was sitting on his bed.

There's a vanity table next to the bed,

with a jar of Vaseline on it.

[LATEX STRETCHING]

And he sat down next to me, on the bed.

And he stroked my hair.

And he'd kiss me on the mouth.

And he told me to pull my nightgown up.

And...

And he got on top of me.

But it didn't work.

And he got really angry.

So...

So, he told me to watch him, while he...

While he...

[INHALES AND EXHALES]

And then, when he was finished,

I pulled my nightgown down,

and Daddy pulled up his pants and...

We knelt down by the side of the bed.

And we said our prayers.

And then, he kissed me on the forehead.

And he got up and left.

[SIGHS] And I remember.

I was bleeding.

So... So, don't tell me you were there for me.

Please.

Nobody was.

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

Come here.

[SOBBING]

PAT: The first night I met Sharon,

she, uh, talked a lot about her father.

She was like a little girl with a cowboy hero or something.

She said that he was the best shot, that, uh,

he could get a confession out of anybody.

DANA: What did you notice when you met her father?

Um, I remember her going up to him

and pulling on his tie.

Teasing him.

She um, she seemed more like his wife than his daughter.

I remember feeling...

Uh, jealous, jealousy.

DANA: When were you first aware that

there were sexual problems in your relationship?

PAT: After our first child was born,

she'd, uh, get really tight

and pull away like... Like she was afraid.

In the last two years, Sharon and I

have had intercourse four times.

[SNICKERS]

It's partly my fault.

I should have spoke up about it,

and I didn't, I didn't speak up about anything.

I watched the children falling apart.

And then, you started sleeping in the closet.

And I pretended everything was fine.

How would you describe your relationship with your father?

I took care of him. I waited on him.

I greeted him at the door. I sat with him at dinner.

I tried to love him.

Why would you try to love the man

who was beating and molesting your siblings?

So he would stop beating them.

I thought if he felt loved,

he would stop.

So, I just made up my mind to love him.

Did that help lessen the abuse?

Nothing helped.

But I tried.

I did the laundry, I cleaned the house.

I said rosaries.

I did crazy compulsive things like

running up and down the stairs.

Twenty, fifty, a hundred times.

Because I told myself that if I did it enough times,

the beatings would stop.

I believed that, for years.

With every ounce of my being.

What did you do after your father beat someone?

Well, I'd try to make him feel loved.

So that he would stop being mad

and he wouldn't beat somebody else.

I'd bring him a beer or a sandwich.

You see, they were disobedient.

If they had obeyed Dad like I did,

he wouldn't have beaten them.

That's why he didn't beat me, because I was obedient.

Susan resisted, she fought back.

That's why she was beaten so often.

But, you see, she challenged Dad.

And she challenged his control.

Every day was about survival.

And that's what I was trying to do.

I was trying to save...

Myself.

That's what I did.

I saved myself.

I've always believed

that I was helping them.

But it's a lie.

Why didn't I tell him to stop?

I allowed him to believe that

what he was doing was all right.

That's why he kept on doing it.

I was the collaborator.

Wasn't I?

DANA: Sharon, you were a child.

Sharon, you've been reluctant

to include yourself with your sisters

in allegations of sexual abuse.

[SIGHS]

I have some words in my head.

I have some body sensations.

I have these feelings of suffocation.

Someone on top of me.

I've never had the courage to say this before.

But, yes, I know it happened.

How did it feel?

How did it feel to stand by

and watch your sisters and brothers being beaten?

I honestly don't remember feeling anything.

Nothing?

Nothing.

The first time I realized that wasn't normal, I was, uh...

I was 16.

I was working as a nurse's aid at a maternity ward.

On three different occasions, infants died.

And all three times I volunteered

to bring the babies to the morgue.

Because it didn't bother me.

I remember thinking,

"What is wrong with you?

"Why can't you feel something?

"Feel anything. What's wrong with you?"

DANA: What happened when you had your own babies?

I remember being pregnant.

All of my friends were having babies.

They kept telling me how good it feels to be a mother.

"Wait until you feel that," they said.

"Just wait until you hold your own baby in your arms."

When they handed me my baby...

I waited for those feelings.

But they didn't come.

I knew something was very wrong.

I didn't feel anything.

I didn't feel love.

It was no different than holding the dead babies.

I said to myself,

"Something is wrong with you.

"You don't work right."

I knew I just didn't work right.

I remember telling myself that children need

to be touched, they need to be loved.

And I reminded myself.

I told myself every day,

to pick up my baby. I didn't wait for the feelings,

I just picked her up.

But she couldn't have felt any love.

The abuse I suffered, I passed on to my children.

And not by beating them or molesting them.

But by simply bringing them into this world,

and trying to be a mother.

I couldn't do that.

Because...

I'm not so different from my own mother.

That's the most painful thing I've ever said in my life.

The woman I believed hated me.

The woman who I hated...

Couldn't teach me how to love.

And I couldn't teach my children.

I know some of our damage is permanent.

But I can feel now.

And if I can feel,

maybe I can love.

I can love my children.

I can love my husband.

And maybe, even I can love myself.

[REPORTERS CLAMORING]

STEVEN: Sure, there was abuse, I'm not gonna lie about it.

JOHN: But our father absolutely denies

any type of sexual encounter.

STEVEN: Hey, Susan!

You're not gonna get away with this.

JOHN: There's gonna be payback!

STEVEN: Where's the forgiveness? Where's the healing?

You'll never see me again.

You're not my sisters.

[REPORTERS CLAMORING]

[ALL LAUGHING]

You once told me

that all you ever wanted out of this

was for Grandpa to own up to what he'd done.

That's true.

Well, that isn't good enough for me.

You think you can stand up there in front

of all those people and tell me you love me?

And have me believe it?

It's a start, Karla.

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