Original subtitles

Who's that ? He looks familiar.

That is Armie Hammer. He starred in the Lone Ranger.

How old is he ?

Not the old one. This was a remake, just a few years ago.

- What was his issue ? - Cannibalism, allegedly.

Bite play, stuff like that.

So how was he canceled ?

He got dropped from movies, from the stage. His agents dropped him.

- What are we talking about ? - You're late.

Sorry, I had paperwork.

Well, you'll just have to listen and catch up. Won't you ?

- God, are you in a bad mood ? - No. I know you'll disagree with me.

Oh, no. Are you serious ?

- What ? - You're gonna clear these guys ?

No, they're not all just guys.

- Really ? Where are the women ? - I got one right here. I spotted one.

Yep, Henrietta Michaels, former professor at Northwestern.

She was fired for using a word which was misunderstood by her students.

She wants to defend herself on TV, see if she can get her job back.

Yeah, yeah. That sounds like good TV.

Four dozen guys accused of rape and harassment and one woman-

Oh, come on Marissa. People are getting cancelled without a trial,

no evidence presented against them.

- Because they did it. - Maybe they did, maybe they didn't.

Or maybe it's more nuanced-

You sound like that Canadian guy, who wrote the book about that thing.

If I knew what that meant, maybe I'd be offended.

- You want to play cancel culture cop ? - No. I want to play judge.

Think about it.

There are a lot of reasons these accusations never go to trial.

Victims finally get to accuse a victimizer face-to face.

- What if they don't want to ? - That's their choice.

And the victimizer gets the court to himself

to just say whatever bullshit he wants.

This is a bad joke. You're undercutting Me, Too.

No, no, no. We're giving Me, Too teeth.

If it relies on mob rule, it'll exhaust itself.

Okay. All right, Mom, Dad, please. I hate it when you fight.

Let's get back to work. Who's up first ?

- Who's this guy ? - Oh Joey Battle. Stand-up.

- Oh, God. You mean Louis CK Two ? - What'd he do ?

He masturbated in front of two women in a green room.

To be fair, he did ask for permission first.

Seriously ? If he did, he didn't wait for a "yes."

But he did not assault anyone.

Are we really setting the bar that low ?

- Let's compromise. We'll do both. - Both ?

Yeah. This guy and Marissa's idea. The academic Henrietta-what's-her-name ?

- Henrietta Michaels. - That wasn't my idea.

When can we start ?

- You really think there's time to-- - I'll make the time.

- Let's just schedule it. - That seems to solve everyone's issue.

That's my time, guys. Thank you very much.

Dude. You were great !

The drinks are watered down so I know you're not drunk.

No. You're funny. It's just this club sucks.

- Is this about Joey Battle ? - How'd you know ?

Reporters are the only ones who approach me nowadays.

I'm not a reporter.

The last time I spoke out about Joey Battle, this happened to me.

I was on my way to a serious career. And that scumbag derailed me.

And now it's just off the tracks like buried under them.

By testifying, you'd get the truth out.

Did you say "truth ?" I thought we were talking about a reality TV show.

Millions of people could see it.

I don't even know the whole truth.

When the story about Joey was about to break,

he reached out to me on Facebook. And you know what he said ?

He said, "I'm sorry for shoving you into a closet."

- He shoved you into a closet ? - No.

With me, he just jacked off into a plant.

I can't help but think though,

who did he shove into a closet and what happened to her ?

So, you should testify against him, bring that out.

This is just another way for Battle to get his career back.

I'm not participating in that.

What if it wasn't ? What if he was actually confronted with his crime ?

It'll never happen.

People like Battle win; people like me, lose.

But you know what ? This is my consolation prize.

His Wikipedia page. He's no longer the comedian saint.

Now, he's Mister Masturbator in a green room.

- Who's defending Battle ? - The comedian, David is.

- David Cord ? Why ? - He's a lawyer.

My guess is he wants to make an issue of cancel culture.

- Then I want to prosecute him. - Really ?

- Yeah, I'm gonna rip him a new one. - David or the comedian ?

- Both. - Wow. That's the spirit.

What about the other case, the academic lady ?

That's different. She shouldn't have been fired.

Well. You want to prosecute one, you have to prosecute the other.

- Why ? - Because I'm unpredictable.

Haven't you heard ? It's about cancel culture.

- Have to explore all sides. - I don't want to explore all sides.

Well, this isn't about what you want. Let's go into court.

Nobody move ! Get down ! Get down on the ground ! Get down !

This party is a violation of COVID quarantine rules !

Turn the fucking music off !

Did you see that ?

- Somethin' funny here ? - Oh, no.

- What the hell's so funny ? - Nobody said anything.

Come here !

- Miss Farrow, where was this taken ? - At a friend's house party.

It was a great day until somebody called the cops.

And the cop that arrived was Officer McFinley ? Yes ?

Yes.

Get down ! Get down over here !

Hey, let me go. I didn't do anything wrong.

- Let me go ! - Get the fuck down !

- You're hurting me ! - Stay down !

Stop resisting ! Stop !

No- !

What happened next ?

I ran to her.

She wasn't breathing.

When the paramedics arrived, she was dead.

You know that Antoinette's family is suing the Chicago PD

for five million dollars ?

Yes.

If it were up to me, it would be ten times that.

Thank you, Miss Farrow.

Miss Farrow, I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend.

- You were good friends, weren't you? - We were.

So, you knew she had a heart condition ? Tachycardia ?

- Can you tell- - Objection ! That has nothing to do--

Wait, wait. You're on the same side, you two.

Your Honor, under the eggshell doctrine,

it is irrelevant whether Antoinette had a heart condition.

What does matter is that the defendant caused the injury.

We would argue that the stun gun wasn't the true cause of death.

Her heart condition was.

Okay. Well, good for you two. You both got your statements out to the jury.

Overruled. The defense may argue causation. Please continue.

Miss Farrow, did Antoinette's heart condition mean

she was supposed to avoid overexertion ?

She had a heart arrhythmia, but she was careful.

That cop put fifty thousand volts through her.

Right, "that cop." Let's talk about "that cop."

Miss Farrow, this is your Instagram profile, isn't it ?

- Objection ! - Okay. Give me a hint, counselor.

This is inflammatory.

So, what is going on over there ? Do you need separate tables ?

- No, Your Honor. - Well, you must know what's coming.

Because I don't. Overruled.

On Instagram, you quote these rap lyrics.

"Fuck the cops like porn stars, keeping us caged behind bars."

- Objection, Your Honor. - It speaks to the witness's bias.

To quote rap lyrics ? No, no. That shows the counselor's racism.

Oh, that's right. Everything you don't like is racist.

The Supreme Court ruled that rap lyrics can be considered criminal evidence.

No, they merely declined to reverse.

And you're going one step further to damn someone who quotes the lyrics.

- I'm not damning. - Okay. I'm gonna talk now.

I don't like this line of reasoning, counselor.

I have quoted Johnny Cash's song about shooting a man in Reno.

Does that go to my character ? I hope not. Sustained.

Let's move on.

Professors expect students to be respectful.

I don't think it's too much to expect

that our teachers be respectful in return.

Okay, got it. And that irritated you ?

It more than irritated me. I found that word offensive.

So you decided to call Professor Henrietta Michaels out ?

Well, I just reported it. I mean, the word is self-explanatory.

It's a triggering word.

Here's the text of your tweet. Can you read it for his honor ?

"How does Professor Michaels think it's okay in 2021

to use a word so similar to the N word."

So, at this point, I think we need to talk about the word itself

and how we're gonna continue to refer to it.

Our handy graphics team at Copy Coop,

twenty percent off on all large orders until Friday,

has put the word on our display.

That's the word. I feel like a little duck should come down.

You say the magic word. You collect a hundred dollars.

Sorry, Millennial, you can look that one up.

Anyway, from now on, I think we should refer to the word as...

thoughts ?

- "N-word-ly ?" - Inelegant, but sure.

Your Honor, defense feels that any euphemism for the word in question

biases the court against my client's honest use of said word.

"Said word ?" Seriously ?

- It's powdered wig time, my friend. - Oh, no. Your Honor, really ?

No, obtuse use of language or Latin, you know the penalty.

Thank you, Dean. Very becoming.

Since I am the court, I will swear to you.

I will not be biased by "said word."

"N-word-ly" it is. Go ahead, prosecutor.

And you found her use of that word. Notice I didn't say, "said word."

Always in awe, counselor.

- You found it offensive ? - Yes.

Good. I think that's it. No more questions. De lege lata.

- That was a joke ! - I don't care. That's why we have two.

- That was a joke. No. - Come on, Marissa.

Now, Camille, you are aware of the word ...

- What is it ? - "N-word-ly."

You are aware that it simply means stingy. Right ?

And that it comes from an Old Norse word, "nigla," meaning "poor."

And it has the same root as the word "niggle."

So, if Professor Michaels had said the word "niggle,"

would you have felt offended ?

- No. - Why not ?

It wouldn't sound like the "N-word."

So, it really doesn't matter that

the word in question has no racial connotations whatsoever ?

Given how it sounds, the word definitely has racial connotations.

Whether you're prepared to acknowledge that or not.

But the etymology of the word is non-racial.

I'm not an expert in etymology,

but I do know somethin' about people using the "N-word."

Camille, before you tweeted about Professor Michaels' use of "N-word-ly,"

wasn't there something else she did that upset you ?

I'm not sure what you're talking about.

Well, you asked her twice for an extension on your term paper ?

- Yuh-huh. - And she said, no.

And when you did turn in the term paper late anyway, what grade did you get ?

She gave me a C.

And isn't that really the reason that you wanted to get her fired ?

No. Can't you object or something ? This has nothing to do with it.

If she did object, you'd still have to answer the question.

This court is bullshit. You wanna clear her so she can get her job back.

But she knew what she was doing using that word.

- No, I didn't. - Come on.

You think college is meant to be a warm, cuddly place

where you're not challenged.

No, I just don't want to spend my day being offended.

These are the words that make up the English language. They exist.

They don't mean what you think they mean. And that is education.

No. An education is living in now. Not in the sixteenth century.

Okay, good. That was illuminating. You can step down now. Thank you, my dear.

Fuck you. You're not even trying.

The optics matter. Racially.

I agree.

Some of the jurors may react to a woman interrogating a man, period.

Well, we're both women. That can't be helped.

Some of the jurors may feel more comfortable if I question the cop.

'Cause you're white ?

Yes, I'm just speaking pragmatically.

They may not think I have as big a dog in the fight.

And on the other hand,

some jurors might appreciate that I do have a dog in the fight.

Well, I could be more dispassionate.

Do we want dispassionate ?

Liz, you're shoving me out of my name partner position because of my race.

I am doing nothing !

You are the one who got our racist clients to whine to STR Laurie.

Those clients bring in a great deal of money, and they are not racist.

Oh ! You fucking kidding me !

They have been my clients for fifteen years. That's what it was about.

Are you saying that, if you were being replaced by another white partner,

they would have the same objection ?

I'm saying, maybe they worry about racial grudges.

I mean, what do you call pushing me out of a name partnership I worked for ?

That you felt entitled to.

Excuse me ? Really ? That's what you think.

Yeah ! I think that Barbara Kolstad was shoved out

because you felt entitled to her position.

Fine. Let's just finish this case.

Because here's the problem. We can't work together if you don't respect me.

No, we can't work together if you use race cynically.

Oh, fine. You cross-examine him because this is bullshit !

This is mother fucking bullshit ! If you want to come after me,

you come after me with an honest argument about my lack of competence.

My lack of worth.

Your unworthiness, which you don't seem to want to acknowledge,

is that you can't be the top dog in a Black firm.

Wake up !

- Ever shoot anybody ? - No, ma'am.

Not in 11 years of service.

Other than on the occasion of Antoinette Lacey's passing,

had you ever used your stun gun ?

Never. And I hope to God I never do again.

Did anyone tell you that Antoinette Lacey had a heart condition ?

No. No one did.

I just...

So other than killing an unarmed girl, you never used your stun gun ?

Yeah, counselor, re-rephrase.

So other than using lethal force on an unarmed girl,

you only faced disciplinary action for violent behavior once ?

I'm not sure what you're referring to.

In February 2019,

did Chicago PD respond to a report of a domestic dispute at your house ?

Objection, Your Honor. Officer McFinley isn't on trial for his personal life.

No, he's on trial for being a violent cop.

Overruled. The witness may answer.

It was an argument.

My wife- my ex-wife, we had a fight.

Not a physical one, verbal.

So, it was just a noise disturbance.

- Yes. - Your Honor-

Your Honor, we would like to call our next witness,

Officer McFinley's ex-wife, Vanessa McFinley.

Miss McFinley was not on the witness list.

She doesn't need to. She's being used to rebut Officer McFinley's testimony.

- The testimony he just swore to. - Just a moment, Miss McFinley.

I know that with your politics, you lean to the worldview of BLM-

No, no, counselor. Please don't try that.

- Then we ask for a recess to review-- - They can review all they want.

It's not gonna change what's been said on the stand.

Well. Still, Miss Reddick. Um...

Let's adjourn to tomorrow morning.

Well, it was a good try to get her in today.

Yeah. Well, whether we get her in today or tomorrow doesn't matter.

She's a slam dunk.

Nicholas Dupont. I represent comedians.

I want to help anyone who's serious about comedy and his career.

- "His" career, but not "her" career ? - That's not what I was tryin' to say.

One for the prosecution, Dean.

No, no, wait. Now, she didn't let me finish my statement.

Yes, she did. And you revealed your mindset with a spontaneous utterance.

Continue, Madam Prosecutor.

- Miss prosecutor. - Miss. My apologies.

- Your clients include Joey Battle ? - Yes. He's a very talented man.

One of the funniest men alive.

Did "doing your best" for Joey mean

silencing June Barrow after he victimized her ?

Objection to "victimize !"

You only get three objections per day in my court, Mister Cord.

- You sure you want to use it now ? - Uh... Objection withdrawn.

I never silenced anyone.

I have here an affidavit from Steve Brant at the Laugh Farm,

saying you explicitly told him to cancel June's upcoming booking.

- Ah, he hates me. - Uh-huh and you apparently hate him.

I might have called her a loose cannon. Uh, it's a possibility.

At the time I had no idea there was any truth to the allegations about Joey.

You didn't notice that June's story had

uncanny similarities to stories told by other female comedians ?

I heard a rumor that Joey might have had an affair or two that went sour,

but I didn't understand the allegations exactly.

You never heard that he had a habit of inviting women to his dressing room,

blocking the door, and then masturbating into a potted ficus ?

Absolutely not.

So, it's just a coincidence that at your twenty fifteen holiday party,

you made a joke that people should keep Joey away from the Christmas tree.

I think this deserves two slashes, Dean.

Marissa, use me however you want.

- I'm in. - Really ? Thank you !

Hey ! Where was that passion in the "N-word" case ?

Oh, I guess I feel like it's not the "N-word."

It is. It always is.

Witnesses heard the shooter yell, "That's for Antoinette."

An apparent reference to the ongoing civil suit against the officer.

Diane, turn on the news !

Before two shots were fired at close range.

The assailant is unknown, and still at large.

Many wonder whether the ongoing brutality lawsuit against the city

had something to do with the patrol officer's murder.

Oh fuck !

Jesse McFinley was a father of four

and a fifteen-year veteran of the Chicago Police Department.

- Do you guys have a minute ? - Sure.

Remember you told me how much you hate being "Blackopedia" for white people

explaining what is or isn't offensive ?

Yeah.

I really need to ask you if something is or isn't offensive.

We love playing this game ith white allies.

You can ask me about Jews anytime you want.

Just go.

I'm prosecuting someone in Wackner's

court who lost their professorship for saying a word.

What word ?

- "Niggardly ?" - As in stingy.

- Exactly. Is the word offensive ? - No. It means stingy.

Wait. It's a medieval word that no one uses in casual conversation.

- You really think it's offensive ? - I think it's a microaggression.

And microaggressions are like Pringles. You never have just one.

But don't you undercut the English language

when you reduce the number of words you can use ?

Then create new ones. That's how language develops.

But why not do both ?

Okay. African Americans aren't monolithic. I get it.

No, Carmen is just weird.

No, I just don't have the same thin skin that you do.

Really ? Thin ?

Not a Black person on earth would ever let that word slide.

Thank you for supporting the monolithic argument,

but I think it has nothing to do with it.

Although I've asked you to ignore the news,

you've probably heard by now that Officer McFinley was killed last night.

Our deepest sympathies go out to his family.

Nevertheless, this case is not against him. It is against the Chicago PD.

We must do our best to set aside emotions and look only at the facts.

But first, a moment of silence feels appropriate.

We're fucked.

Thank you for answering our questions, Miss McFinley.

Can you tell us about your ex-husband's violence and the domestic abuse call ?

He was a good man.

When he got stressed out it was only 'cause he was working too hard.

He put his life on the line every single day.

But he did hit you ?

I'm so sorry, Jess. I'm so sorry. Oh, my God.

You didn't deserve it.

Mister McFinley's death in the middle of this case

has clearly prejudiced this jury.

- Why would you think that ? - Oh, come on !

Not a good argument. I'm going to need something more than "Come on."

We're worried that the jury won't base their decision on fact.

They're gonna base it on McFinley being violently killed.

You were never basing this on the fact.

You were basing this on the emotions for that poor Black girl.

Okay. Thank you. I'm just gonna keep talking until somebody listens.

So, I'm just talking talking words, words, words.

I'm calling a voir dire de novo.

I know. I've never done this before.

A voir dire mid-trial, you can re-question the jury in chambers.

You can ask them if they're watching the news

and find out how they're impacted.

And if they are impacted, you will declare a mistrial ?

I don't know what I'll do. You can solve this, though, you know.

You three can come up with some kind of negotiated settlement.

That's my recommendation. But what do I know ?

Joey invited comedians to his dressing room for drinks after shows sometimes.

Hey, Joey. I was excited when he invited me.

I thought finally I'm in the inner circle.

I didn't realize it would just be me and Joey.

Can you tell us what happened next ?

He asked if he could...

jerk off in front of me.

I thought it was a joke, so I laughed. But then he did it.

I just stood there. Like it was some kind of an initiation.

Did you tell anyone what happened ?

I told everyone, and they all blamed me.

The men especially,

they looked at me like I compelled Joey to quick masturbate.

My manager told me to shut my mouth, or it would ruin my career.

And did it ?

The first gig I had as a headliner got cancelled.

Things went south after that.

- Has your career ever rebounded ? - Fuck, no.

I'm sorry, June. Nothing further.

Miss Barrow, you had a headliner gig canceled on July 11th, 2019.

Is that right ?

I'd like to read a review from a priorngig on July 10h.

While June Barrow has been described as a rising star,

she proved tonight how easy it is

to mistake a low flying satellite for a distant sun.

Miss Barrow, your headliner gig was canceled because of bad reviews.

Comics get bad reviews all the time. Have you read Joey Battle's ?

Why don't you show us your act then ? Let the court see how funny you are ?

- Objection ! - That sounds like a good idea.

It's irrelevant, Your Honor. This is the wrong venue. The wrong crowd.

You've gotten tons of laughs in here.

They were spontaneous. This is different.

Marissa, you're flailing.

- You know what you get when you flail. - Your Honor. I am not flailing.

Put it on, Marissa. Come on.

Okay, be seated.

Okay, let's hear it.

- Tell us some joke. - I'm not really a joke comedian.

What other kind is there ?

I tell stories about the frailty of being human.

Okay, do that.

Ah, okay, ah...

Who came up with the term "rape fantasy ?"

I mean, what was that woman thinking ? She should aim higher.

One day, I'm gonna win an Oscar and cure cancer and then...

I love being a millennial.

I can wake up late and blame everyone else for everything.

Okay, Dean.

Have a seat in the witness box, juror number two.

So the attorneys are gonna ask you some questions about recent events

to see how you've been affected. Is that okay ?

You posted on Facebook after the McFinley killing, didn't you ?

Yes. I talk to my grandkids every day.

You wrote, "People need to have respect for what cops do !

A hero was gunned down."

I just think he deserves a little respect. The man died.

- We move to strike for cause. - Objection. This is all racial.

It is not. She wrote in support of McFinley.

Yeah. You know, I'll give it to you. Juror dismissed.

Let's get the next one in here. Thank you. Thank you.

Didn't three Black students approach you about not repeating the word,

"N-word-ly ?"

They objected to many of the ways I taught.

And despite that,

you used the word again even though you were told it made them uncomfortable ?

Objection. Unduly argumentative. She didn't commit murder.

True. But I love a good Socratic argument. Go for it.

You used "N-word-ly" again, didn't you, Professor ?

I took it as a teaching moment.

I explained what the word meant.

And I had to use the word in order to explain it.

- Even though you were asked to stop ? - I'm an educator.

Challenging students is my responsibility.

So, you're trying to offend ?

No, but I am trying to prepare my students

for a world that won't kowtow to their sensitivities.

So, you deliberately say things to trigger students ?

School is not a place to be comforted. It's a place to be challenged.

Where do you draw the line between challenged and triggered ?

I don't. A class shouldn't be governed by the most fragile sensibility,

or it would shy away from every difficult subject.

A History class has to discuss rape when talking about war crimes.

But it doesn't have to describe it in detail.

It does if it wants the students to sympathize,

to understand the victim's account.

The only way to honor a victim might be to relate to her full account.

Okay, I get that.

But why not use the word "stingy" or "miserly"

instead of "N-word-ly ?"

Because I like clarity in language.

I like variety in language and yes,

maybe I am pushing back a bit.

Then why not use the N-word ?

Could we have one questioner at a time ?

No. Answer the question.

If you want to push back, why not use the actual N-word ?

Because I'm not teaching the Civil War or Huckleberry Finn.

And if you were, you might ?

Yes.

Juror fourteen.

Identifies as mixed race. Works at a food bank.

Probably won't be able to knock him off. We're out of options.

We need one more juror bumped to get our mistrial.

I've checked. We don't have anything else.

- You need to see this. - Oh good god, what now ?

- We're on the news. - On ? What does that mean ?

"Systemic Racism," "White Privilege."

We hear it from academics and Hollywood celebrities and basketball players.

By the way, how many houses does LeBron James have ?

Now add to the list Marxist slip-and- fall lawyers from Reddick Lockhart.

You need to hear what one of these lawyers had to say about

martyred Chicago police officer Jesse Patrick McFinley.

Cops have not been held accountable for far too long. And now the bill is due.

I made that statement before McFinley was killed.

A cop gunned down in cold blood

and to lawyer Diane Lockhart, the bill's come due.

Was that not her finger on the trigger

as much as whatever thug held the gun ?

I'm asking the question 'cause that's what we do here.

Maybe we could use this.

With the judge ?

He hates Fox News. Maybe we could start over again with the jurors.

Well, I'm glad you find something positive here.

He just called you two co-assassins. We need to get you security.

So, one more juror. And we have our mistrial.

It's doable.

Stay close.

All rise.

- May we approach, Your Honor ? - Uh, sure. Yeah. Let's go ahead.

You may be seated. Thank you.

Your Honor, last night, Ted Willoughby on Fox News-

Yes. I know who he is.

He accused the two of us of being complicit

in the murder of Officer McFinley.

Was this the first time someone on Fox was mean to you ?

We're concerned about his influence on the jury.

And we'd like to ask the jurors about it.

Your Honor, we already went through the jurors. You ruled no mistrial.

This is new influence.

They want another bite at the apple. They want to get one more juror bumped.

We want an unbiased jury, just like you do, just like His Honor does.

And we don't want the influence of Fox News-

They're playing on your bias against Fox.

Okay. Uh, Voir Dire de Novo et.

That's Latin for the Sequel.

- Do you know who Ted Willoughby is ? - I do.

And have you watched his show ?

Not has she watched his show ? But has she watched his show "last night ?"

Okay, I'll ask.

Have you watched the Ted Willoughby show in the last two days ?

No, I don't watch it. Some people from my church have. But I don't like it.

And has anyone from your church told you that Ted Willoughby said

that the two of us are responsible for the murder of-

She just said she didn't see it.

Don't try to fill her in and create some bias where there is none.

We take exception to that characterization, Your Honor-

No, no, no. Come here. All ot you. Uh, no, sorry not you. Sorry. Stay.

Counselors, you two are pushing it. You get to ask these jurors one question:

Have they seen this reporter ? And that's it.

And whether they're intimidated by the presence of cops in the court.

No, that's a reasonable question.

And if we get "no's" from the jurors, we move on.

- Understood ? - Yes.

- That didn't go well. - Okay. What now ?

Prepare for trial.

I'll see if the jurors' answers check out.

This is odd. The case I didn't care about is going well.

And the one I do care about is cratering--

- Did you see that guy ? - No.

- What ? - It was Joey Battle.

- What was Joey Battle doing here ? - He met with David Lee.

He's negotiating a contract with Del Cooper.

Del Cooper to the stand.

- I'm sorry, you want-- - Del Cooper.

I know he can hear me. He's in the control room.

Ah, see. Here he comes.

Hey, Hal- Your Honor, look. I'm really needed in the control room right now.

If this is a TV show, yes. But if this is a court, no.

Step up here, Del.

If I take the stand,

then I'm breaking the fourth wall. And we don't wanna do that.

Nobody's breaking any walls.

Sit down in the chair and let her ask whatever she wants.

Mister Cooper, you had a conversation with Judge Wackner prior to this trial.

- Objection ! - You were part of that conversation.

- So were you. - Exactly.

So, we all have to be honest here.

Mister Cooper, you encouraged

Judge Wackner to take this Joey Battle case, didn't you ?

I object, Your Honor. This court is entitled to adjudicate any dispute-

Where are you going with this, Marissa ?

Mister Cooper, you hoped to rehabilitate Joey Battle's career,

isn't that right ?

So, you could put him back on your streaming site

for a stand-up you're recording in Saint Louis in fourteen days ?

No, I thought it would be good for this show.

This show ? "This show" meaning Wackner's court.

- This is a mistake, Marissa. - Is it ?

Aren't we just here to discover the truth, Your Honor ?

You have somethin' to say to me, just say it.

Have you prejudged this case ?

- Are you questioning my integrity ? - I'm asking if you've pre-

No ! Goddamnit !

You will answer my question before you ask me yours.

If you've already decided how this case will end, Your Honor.

If we're here to give Del the ending he wants for his TV show

and to make you rich and famous, then, yes, I am questioning your integrity.

You pack up your things and you get the fuck out of here.

The women who have trusted this court deserve representation.

Well, you should have thought of that before you ran off your fucking mouth.

Now you get the hell out of my courtroom !

Oh my god.

It happened last night. Security doesn't know how they got in.

- Of course, they don't. - They suggest we call the cops.

We're gonna have to paint.

I called building maintenance. They say we may have to wait.

- What ? Why ? - 'Cause we're cop killers.

Liz, Diane,

I think you might want to see what Ted Willoughby's been saying lately.

- I think we get the idea, Julius. - No, this is something else.

The man who gave his life to protect his fellow citizens is dead.

But that's not enough for the two lawyers spitting on his grave.

The militant Elizabeth Reddick,

daughter of a disgraced civil rights leader

and liberal loony-toon Diane Lockhart.

If the name Diane Lockhart sounds familiar to you,

that may be because of my colleague Duke Roscoe's discovery.

He outed her eleven years ago as a "closeted lesbian."

Diane Lockhart is technically married, but to a man we rarely see.

Why is that ? Could it be that she has something more in common

with someone else ? Someone she works with ?

She and Liz Reddick appear to be inseparable.

Is Liz Reddick Diane Lockhart's new lover ?

I'm just asking questions. There's no way to know for sure.

Because Diane Lockhart and Liz Reddick won't tell us.

These two lipstick lawyers want the jury to believe their eyes

when they look at fuzzy cell phone videos.

Why don't they want us to believe our eyes when we look at them ?

So. When do I get to meet your son ?

I don't know. Are we that serious ?

I don't know. You tell me.

How's Diane ?

So, you're tellin' me I have nothing to worry about ?

Okay, Diane and I, we go a long way back.

All right. We didn't become lovers until after Trump was elected.

It was a very experimental thing.

- Yeah, so this is a bit, right ? - Yeah, you'll never know.

I have ways of making your talk.

Shit.

Yeah, it's me.

No, no, no, no. You tell him, no.

I don't care if it's contractual. All right ? I'm coming down right now.

- Who's that ? - That is my secret lover.

My latest reality star.

- Yeah. - Come here.

- Are you questioning my integrity ? - I'm asking if you've pre-

No ! Goddamnit ! You will answer my question before you ask me yours.

If you've already decided how this case will end, Your Honor.

If we're here to give Del the ending he wants for his TV show

and to make you rich and famous, then, yes, I am questioning your integrity.

You pack up your things, and you get the-

Hey. Hey, hey, man. Judge.

Look, you lost your temper. Okay ? It's no big deal.

I'm Pol Pot.

- I'm Ceaușescu. - No, no, man, look.

One of the biggest moments in reality TV history was Tyra Banks,

losing her shit on America's Top Model.

She had a meltdown. Meltdowns are good TV.

Pick up, Marissa, pick up.

Come on. Come on. Pick up.

I'm here.

Hey, I want you to come back to court.

- I want you to finish your cases. - Why ?

Because I made a mistake. I was an asshole. You were right.

You want me to apologize ? I will.

Yeah. Actually I do.

I'm sorry.

I was biased.

I won't be when you come back.

I'm taking this seriously, Your Honor.

I know you are. That's why I want you back.

You got to finish it.

Thank you, come in. Uh, hey.

Thank you for stopping by.

I've been worried that I was insensitive.

And I wanted to get a gut-check from both of you.

Sure, You Honor. What is it ?

I've been watching the two of you throughout the case.

And I realized after what I heard last night

that your discomfort made sense to me.

If my wife and I ever tried to work together,

our relationship wouldn't last ten minutes.

So, you know, more power to you.

I'm a great friend of the LGBTQ plus, you know, community.

Thank you, Your Honor.

Yeah, actually, you know what.

Your Honor, there is something that you could settle for us.

Oh, great. Certainly.

One of the jurors, the one from the church,

I think she's noticed how close we are together.

And, god, I hope you don't mind me saying this...

It's been on my mind as well.

She did see us out in the hall together.

Yeah. And we're worried that

our relationship may have played into her bias.

But it would just be good to be certain, don't you think, darling ?

So you go ahead and ask your questions. Show what a terrible person I am.

I guarantee you I already know. So does everyone else.

Yeah, that's sort of your schtick, saying how awful you are.

My schtick, no, just the voices in my head.

Nah... Ooof. I'm an asshole. Good one.

Seems like you feel pretty sorry for yourself.

I do. I'm sorry.

But you don't feel sorry for how you treat other people ?

Is that a question ?

You want to make it in this business, be ruthless.

The only thing that matters is your material.

Other people, they're not real. You can't worry about their feelings.

The minute you care, comedy dies.

"Other people are not real."

That was four years ago. I'm a different person now.

Two nights ago, you did a set at two a.m. at the Side Room downtown.

I was testing out some material, trying some stuff out.

But there's all these stupid women out there who are going around saying,

"Oh, he did awful things to me."

Which just makes it harder in this day and age

for me to convince other women to let me do awful things to them,

which I want to do, because I'm a male human being !

You'd think people would understand that by now, but they seem to be

completely hung up on the whole, doing awful things aspect.

- Is that the new you ? - No.

That is... Look.

Comedy, it's... I do bits.

It's a kind of... They're not real. It's not...

You gotta look at it as just a typical...

Like a... Ah !

Time has come. I am ready to rule.

Henrietta, you were born free and I return you to your natural state.

- What does that mean ? - Means you may go.

What you did falls under the category of awful but lawful,

and we here at the Circuit Court of Nine and Three Quarters

are not in the business of regulating manners. So, goodbye.

Your Honor, that's actually not what I want.

It isn't ? What does that mean ?

It would help me get my job back if the school knew I was being punished.

- You want to be punished ? - Yes, please.

It's the only way I can be uncancelled

if they know the canceling was satisfied.

I have only one word for that. "Oy."

But sure, I penalize you to

cleaning the school bathrooms for a week.

- Thank you, Your Honor. - Any time. Good luck.

- And now Joey Battle. - Yes, your Honor, yes.

Joey, as you can see, the score really isn't in your favor.

I understand you want your career back.

You are a funny man. It takes hard work to get funny.

Maybe you think that's enough.

But you haven't done anything for the women you hurt.

- You haven't made amends. - Your Honor, I brought my checkbook.

You're a rich man, Joey.

I think everyone here knows the minute you go back to work,

you'll earn back your fine in no time.

Your Honor, everybody deserves a second chance.

You know the expression doing your time ?

Your Honor. I haven't worked a major venue in over a year.

How much time do you want me to take ?

Doing time means more than taking time.

It means serving your sentence. Going to prison.

You want to come back ? Okay. First, you gotta do your time.

Three weeks sentence.

- June ? - Yes.

Please. Come. Here you go.

Go ahead, cuff him:

Is this some kind of a metaphor or something ? Like an adult timeout ?

Yes, Joey. That's exactly what prison is, an adult timeout.

You keep saying pri- This is a joke, though, right ?

June, I said, cuff him. Now.

Your Honor, you can't just send him-

What prison are you talking about ? There is no prison.

Oh, boy, there is.

This court's benefactor owns a private prison company.

He's offered us a wing in one of his bankrupted institutions.

Lucky you, Joey. You're the first person I'm sending there.

Oh, my God.

June, he harmed you.

Go ahead, cuff him.

You're going to escort him to his cell.

In this court, you get to see the person you're sending away, eye-to-eye.

Hey, Your Honor. Let's make it two weeks, okay ?

I know. You have your stand-up in Saint Louis.

Three weeks.

Recess. Then we have the Exxon Mobil case.

- It's really happening isn't it ? - It sure looks like it.

Turn around.

June...

I'm sorry.

You're forgiven.

Good afternoon, ladies. Thanks for coming in on short notice.

I hear there's been a lot of tension between you two.

No, everything is fine.

Oh, good to know.

Well, Human Resources needs you two to sign these.

- A "love contract ?" - Yes.

When employees embark on a relationship,

it's policy for us to confirm in writing the relationship is consensual.

We in HR just want to avoid problems later.

Sometimes romances don't work out.

Good. Good !

I hope you two patch things up. This is the first step.