Original subtitles

♪ ♪

(DOOR OPENS)

(BIRDS CHIRPING OUTSIDE)

- Hey. - Oh hi, Sam! Come on in!

- I'm in the right place, right? - Yep, this is it. (LAUGHS)

- Can I put my bag here? - Sure. Just on the chair.

- That's good. - Okay.

I have, um...

my sheet music and a tape.

Beautiful. Why don't you set it here for a second?

- We're gonna... - Okay.

We're gonna sing something.

I'd like you to sing. Just a song you love.

- Right off top? (NERVOUS LAUGH) - Right off the top.

Okay, like, um...

Something you love. Can be anything.

- Uh... - Maybe a song you sang when you were a kid.

L-like "Here Comes Peter Cottontail" or...

- (GROANS) - (BOTH LAUGH)

- Well, something you sang with your family? - Hm...

- Maybe a love song. - (GROANS, SIGHS)

Um...

Okay...

Um...

- Well, I like this one. - Okay.

- Just right here? - Right here. (LAUGHS)

♪ I can only give you love that lasts forever ♪

♪ And a promise to be near each time you call ♪

♪ And the only heart I own ♪

♪ For you and you alone ♪

♪ That's all that's all ♪

- So, you get the idea. (LAUGHS) - No, no, no. Keep going.

(SIGHS)

(EXHALES)

♪ I can only give you country walks ♪

♪ In springtime ♪

♪ And a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall ♪

♪ And a love whose burning light ♪

♪ Will warm the winter night ♪

♪ That's all ♪

♪ That's all ♪

♪ And there are those, I am sure ♪

♪ Who have told you ♪

♪ They would give you the world ♪

♪ For a toy ♪

♪ All I have are these arms ♪

♪ To enfold you ♪

♪ And the love time can never destroy ♪

That's it. (SOFT LAUGH)

That was lovely.

Thanks.

(EXHALES)

And you've given me chills,

just like you did the first time I heard you sing.

Oh, Sam, do you remember singing.

"Have Yourself a Very Little Christmas"

- with your high school choir? - Yeah.

I remember thinking how rich

and mature your sound was.

(SIGHS)

Really, very special

for someone that age.

(SNIFFLES)

Oh, Sam.

What song did you bring in?

Oh, the smash hit "Ave Maria" By Schubert.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Well, it's one of my favorites,

and I much prefer the Schubert over the Gounod,

so there we go.

Well, I'm supposed to sing it for my friend's wedding but...

- Oh. - ... you know, I just...

I can't really sing that style of music, so.

- Classical? - Yeah. It's just my voice is so heavy,

and every time I try to sing it, I just can't...

It's just sorta too light and flighty or something.

I don't know, I-I... So...

We have our work cut out for us. (LAUGHS)

We'll get there.

First, we start with the breath.

- Okay. - Okay?

That's perfect.

Relax your knees a little bit,

roll your shoulders. Okay.

♪ ♪

- Synced and corrected by naFraC - - www.addic7ed.com -

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(DOOR SQUEAKS)

- Hey. - (SHUTS DOOR)

Hey! How'd it go?

You know, it was okay. I mean, all we did

was a little breathing so far, but not bad.

- Okay. - BRAD: Hiya.

Hi.

Wow, what a nice surprise.

- Yeah. - (ALL LAUGH)

- Knock 'em dead. - Oh, thanks.

(ALL LAUGH)

- Oh, my God... - That was SLS!

- St. Louis Sushi. - Yes!

- Or shouldn't it be Sargent Loose Stools? - (BOTH LAUGH)

- Sir Liquid Shits. - (BOTH LAUGH)

♪ ♪

(CHICKENS CLUCKING)

What about this? Does this have to go?

Oh, it's all going.

JOEL: Okay.

- I'll handle this. - Okay.

- You want some help? - No.

(WOOD CLATTERING)

- (SEAT SQUEAKS) - Oh. (LAUGHS)

Wouldn't it be so cool if Fred rode this down the aisle?

(LAUGHS) Oh, my God, I love that idea.

W... Sorry, wh-who's Fred? Who's getting married?

- Oh, he's a friend of ours. - Yeah, he's marrying Susan.

Well... Oh. So, who's doing their decor?

You know what? I didn't ask.

Well, what about their colors? You know what those are?

- Uh, black? I don't know. - That's not a color.

- Can you put me in touch with him? - Why?

Trish Upon A Star can totally do this.

I mean, I am ready to show them, like,

10 different placemat settings right now

- that will blow their minds. - (JOEL LAUGHS)

- JOEL: Uh... - And also, this will be really,

really good for my portfolio.

- Trish Upon A Star is an adorable name. - TRICIA: Oh, thank you.

But how is this the first I'm hearing about this?

- Yeah, how have I never heard about this? - I totally told you, stop.

- Well, I don't retain information, Tricia. - I know, that's the problem.

Sam, please. Please, please, please, please, please, please,

- I just... - I'm begging. This is something I really,

really need. I mean, I could really... I could really use this.

Tricia, this feels like a really bad idea.

Every time I try to mix you with my friends,

- it does not go well. - That is not even true!

- And then you blame me! - You're so drama. Can you just not?

- Please? - It's a no from me.

- Joel, back me up. - Joel!

Let's just have a meeting. Let's just have a meeting.

- Yes! When can I meet 'em? - Why are you not backing me up?

You wanna just gimme their number? I can just text them.

- I'm not giving you their number. - TRICIA: Thank you, Joel!

- (CLANK) - Thank you, Joel.

JOEL: Since when is Tricia an event designer?

- She's not. Joel, I'm trying to watch. - (TV CHATTERING)

Oh, I'm sorry.

God, her skirt is so short.

Is she gonna sleep with him?

- She shouldn't sleep with him. - Joel, she already did last week,

and he's very good at his job.

(TV CONTINUES)

You know what I was thinking though, too?

Like, do you think that they want the ceremony

to be kind of Jesusy?

Joel, just ask 'em what they want.

Okay.

Just part of me is like, what if they say,

"Yeah, we do want a religious ceremony," 'cause then I'm li...

- (TV CLICKS OFF) - (NERVOUS LAUGH)

Sorry, am I being annoying?

- (LAUGHS) - No, I just paused it so we can talk.

No, no. (CLEARS THROAT) I'm done, let's watch TV.

- Okay. You sure? - Yeah.

Because they're about to... (WHISTLES SUGGESTIVELY)

- Oh, they are? - Yep.

- Then, press play. - (LAUGHS)

- This was so boring until now. - Now, it's good.

Five stars for male nudity, finally.

Roll over.

- We have a winner. - Oh, my God, I thought it was just gonna be a butt.

(GIGGLING) This is why we pay the premium.

Is that what straight people sex is like?

If you're lucky.

(CONTINUES EATING POPCORN)

(MOANING ON TV)

Right?

- (PLAYING PIANO SCALE) - (LIP TRILLING AND HUMMING)

I don't know, I feel like I'm forcing it.

Here. Roll your head to the left.

To the right. Like a lazy river.

Roll...

Roll...

Now,

breathe low from the diaphragm, and...

- (PLAYS PIANO KEY) - (TRILLS LIPS, SIGHS)

You know, I-I can (TRILLS) and I can (HUMS)

but I just can't do 'em at the same time.

Maybe we can try something else, like the song or something.

You can do this.

- Let's take it lower and slower, okay? - (SIGHS) Okay.

(PLAYS PIANO KEY)

(TRILLS, HUMS)

- Get your breath. - I can't sustain it.

- (CLEARS THROAT) - No, you can do this.

- Again. - (INHALES)

- Nice deep breath. - (TRILLS, HUMS)

- (PLAYS PIANO NOTE) - Engine lips.

- (TRILLING) - Like a car right after a tune-up.

- Nice and smooth. - (LAUGHS)

(TRILLS, HUMS)

That's good. Okay, now let's go up the scale.

(PLAYS HIGHER NOTE)

- (PLAYING FULL SCALE) - (TRILLING, HUMMING ALONG)

That's it, Sam. There it is.

That wasn't so bad, right?

- (LAUGHS) - No, it was much better than not so bad.

Well, we still have our work cut out for us,

but I think I'm getting it.

- (BOTH LAUGH) - Why do you keep saying that?

Well, because you said that to me in high school.

You said that I had a heavy voice,

and we had our work cut out for us.

Sam.

You have a rich, full instrument,

not a heavy voice.

And everyone has to work hard,

no matter what their gift is.

You're here now.

Let's start fresh.

Okay.

Fresh start.

(BOTH LAUGH)

There's something to it.

- (WIND CHIMES TINKLE) - (BIRDS CHIRPING)

Sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt.

- Oh. - Uh, you look deep in thought.

(LAUGHS) No, not really.

Mind if I sit?

Oh yeah, of course.

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(JOEL TYPING)

(SWING CREAKS)

(RUMBLING)

(WIND CHIMES CLINK)

JOEL: Well, the bark definitely looks oak,

but the leaves do look a little... maple.

The map... I can only tell by the leaves.

The bark all looks the same to me.

Oh. Later.

- Bye. - (DOOR SHUTS)

- Hi. - Hi.

- Hey! How did it go? - It was good.

Good!

Had a little chat with SLS?

- Oh, he was just talking to me. - Okay.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Joel, is that a boner?

- No! - (LAUGHS)

Joel, it looks like you have yourself a boner on your hands.

I think it's just the pleats.

♪ ♪

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Hi! Thank you so much for coming over.

Hiya, Tricia. I've heard so much about you.

- I... Likewise. - Now,

- this is Susan, and I'm Fred. - TRICIA: Yes!

- So, yeah, should we come in? - TRICIA: Yes.

Oh, of course. Yes, please come in. (GIGGLES)

Oh, it smells great in here. Oh, shoes off?

Oh, no, you're fine, you're fine.

So, now we're getting into more of the, um, outdoor looks.

This is depending on, you know, where you land venue-wise,

- of course. - Mm-hmm.

- This is... - (GLASS CLINKING)

Oh, are you okay, Sam?

- Oh yeah. - TRICIA: Okay.

- Just that, those are... Those are breakable. - Okay. Sorry.

And this is one of my personal favorites.

Um, I call it denim and diamonds.

SUSAN: It's pretty! I like this plate.

TRICIA: Girl. Same.

It is gorgeous, isn't it, honey?

It's like... It's like a... a napkin wearing a necklace.

- (ALL LAUGH) - It's pretty exciting.

- FRED: I'll let you girls finish. - TRICIA: Well, anyway,

so we could also do any kind of customization...

Hey, seriously, no pressure with any of this.

- Tricia insisted, so... - No, it's great.

And Susan seems into it. You know, it's her call.

Hey, how's the song coming?

- It's good. Good. - Yeah?

- It's good. Good, yeah. - Feeling it?

Yeah.

Feeling that monkey's butthole, too.

(GIGGLES) This one. She's got the eye.

Oh, you're so sweet. She is so sweet.

That's why I'm marrying her.

Well, I guess what I'll do is I'll, um,

I'll put together some options for you, based on your budget,

and then you guys can talk it over,

and then get back to me, and we go from there?

Alright, Tricia, you're the best.

- Oh, thank you. - Thank you.

Nice to meet you. I'll show you out.

- See you, Sammy. - Alright, bye.

(DOOR SHUTS)

Bet that was really, really just frickin' fun for you.

- Just hilarious. - What are... what are you talking about?

Oh, I apologize if I happen to take marriage seriously.

- Well, good because they do, too. - (SCOFFS) Really?

Tricia, if you don't wanna do the wedding, just don't do it.

Oh, my God, of course I'm gonna do the wedding!

Jeez!

SAM: You're coming with me.

I'm gonna call you Honey Fluff.

♪ ♪

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(BOTH LAUGH)

Holy shit, look who's here.

To what do I owe this honor?

Are office hours only for students? I can call you later.

- Oh, no, no, no. Come on in. - Okay.

I like you more than most of the students.

(BOTH LAUGH)

- Hey, uh, hold my calls! - (JOEL LAUGHS)

I love saying that. I don't have a secretary.

- So, what brings you in? - Well, I, um...

Ugh...

What is it? Come on, you can talk to me.

I haven't been back to church since I left.

And, for me,

a wedding is a holy ceremony.

And so, I'm kinda struggling with what it's gonna mean to...

stand there before God,

for the first time since I lied.

You know what, Joel? You're overthinking this, alright?

This is not about you and God.

This is about me and Susan, and me and you.

Alls this means is that you're important to me,

and I really want you there.

- We can deal with God another time. - (LAUGHS)

- You're absolutely right. I'm so sorry. - Yeah.

- I really am sorry about that. - Ah, don't worry about it.

Susan doesn't know if her parents are gonna make it yet,

so I really just wanna make this a great day for her,

and start our own traditions with our own family.

- Yeah. - So you gonna come?

- I'm gonna be there! - Are you sure, Joel?

- Oh yeah, up front! - Oh, this is great.

- This is great. Great, great, great. - (DRUMS TABLE)

TRICIA: We're here to see Mary Jo Miller.

Don't know if we're still on that list,

- or what that whole deal is. - Just a sec.

Oh, they upgraded the candies.

Hey, Mary Jo's daughters are here.

Hm?

Okay.

Ms. Lindgren will be right with you.

Fuck.

TRICIA: So then, what was done in between

to help her calm down?

I mean, did someone from staff step in, or,

- I mean, what does everybody... - No, the second incident happened

immediately after, so we didn't have a whole lot of time to step in.

Well, okay, so then... so then, to me, that's not two incidents.

That's just, like, one incident

that's kinda stretched out or whatever.

So, I don't think we can really count that

- as two incidents, so. - That's fine.

- We can call it one incident. - Fine.

But it's not just today.

This is a long line of behavioral situations.

I had started to discuss this with your dad.

We aren't capable of providing the level of care

Mary Jo needs right now.

That could change with an adjustment to her psych meds,

but we're not authorized to make those changes.

Our recommendation is admitting her

to St. Michael's Hospital in Wichita for,

you know, it could just be a few weeks.

Uh, they take Medicare, and she'll be in good hands.

Wichita? What are you talking about?

This isn't an argument or a negotiation.

This is what needs to happen for her to remain here.

If that's not an option for you,

we can assist your family in trying to find another facility

that would accept Mary Jo, but...

Yeah, but nobody's gonna take her.

It-it's a lot, I know, um, and I'm sorry.

I know you were just here to see your mom.

And I'm sorry she still has you on the no-fly list.

- S... - Great.

It's okay. (LAUGHS)

- You know, let's just get outta here. Thank you. - Okay.

TRICIA: Thanks. Um...

- SAM: Um... - Sorry that she's...

- I mean, we... - Let's just go.

(TRICIA SIGHS, MUTTERS)

♪ ♪

SAM: It's unbelievable. Who does she think she is?

TRICIA: Selfish, I swear.

(CONTINUES, INDISTINCT)

Want a drink?

Yeah.

Yes, I do.

Well, lucky for you,

I got a bottle of hot Chardonnay in the back.

(LAUGHS) No, you don't.

- Yes, you do. - (LAUGHS)

Why do you have a wine opener in your car?

For shit like this.

(CORK SQUEAKING)

- No cups? - (MUTTERING) No.

It's better from the bottle. Cheers.

(SOFT LAUGH)

Just get after it.

(LAUGHS) Oh, my God.

There you go.

You think we need to reach out to Dad?

Nah, let's not bother him. She could be back before he is.

I'm about to go get myself some, too.

You girls have a good morning.

You, too.

Great.

Well, don't let her stop you.

(LAUGHS) Yeah, atta girl.

- (HONKS HORN) - Yeah!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

- What's with the wood? - Oh.

I was just out at the lake for a walk,

and I picked up some driftwood for my students.

What do they do with it?

Nothing.

I make plaques for all my kids who get...

- perfect attendance. - Oh.

- What do you teach? - Eighth grade social studies.

(LAUGHS)

- That's so nice. - (SIGHS)

- It's fun. - (SOFT LAUGH)

Let's start off today by really deepening the breath.

Okay. (GIGGLES)

I'm gonna put one hand on your chest. Is that okay?

- Yeah. - Right here.

And the other hand here.

- Okay? - Okay. Mm-hmm.

Now, close your eyes. Start slow.

- Try not to move this hand. - Okay.

- We want the breath to come from the diaphragm. - Okay, okay.

- Nice deep inhale... - (INHALES)

- And (HISSING)... - (HISSING)

Yeah, Sam. That's it.

In through the nose.

- (INHALES) - Out through the mouth.

(HISSING)

Yes. That's good, Sam. Okay.

Just you and your breath. Deep.

(INHALES)

- Yeah. - (HISSING)

- (WHISPERS): That's good. - (STOPS HISSING)

- Deeper now. - (INHALES)

- Oh, yes. - (HISSING)

You got it now.

- (STOPS HISSING) - (GIGGLES) Do you feel the difference?

- Yeah. - Now, remember that feeling.

- Isn't it wonderful? - Yeah. (GIGGLES)

Like the first time you fell in love.

Okay.

- Oh. Do you need a minute? - Sure.

(DEEP SIGH, SNIFFLES)

(SIGHS)

Okay, let's do it again.

- Okay. - You have this.

Nice deep one.

- Push this hand out. - (INHALES)

(SIGHS) I can't do it.

- I just can't do it. I'm sorry. - It's okay, Sam.

(SIGHS) I think I wanna go. I just wanna go.

(TAPE RECORDER CLICKS)

(DOOR OPENS, SHUTS)

Sam? Sam? Are you okay?

(QUIET TV CHATTER)

(TEXT NOTIFICATION CHIMES)

Who's Amy Sedaris?

(PHONE DINGS REPEATEDLY)

(SCOFFS)

Oh, my goodness, what?

Oh, my goodness.

(LAUGHING)

What?

(KEYS JINGLE)

- Hey. - Hi.

JOEL: Let's go for a walk.

I don't feel like getting steps right now, Joel.

It's not a steps walk. It's a nature walk.

We'll see something beautiful.

(SIGHS)

I just wanna stare at the wall.

If you go on a walk with me,

we can go get some Cweamy Dweamy.

Oh, my God, Joel.

Your positivity's getting on my nerves.

♪ ♪

- (WIND BLOWING) - (BIRDS CHIRPING)

(RUSTLING)

Do you wanna talk about what happened?

I don't know. Maybe.

- Just gimme a few years. - (LAUGHS)

- It can be a long walk. - (SIGHING LAUGH)

Hm!

I don't know.

I can... I don't understand what happened.

I mean, she just...

(SIGHS)

We were just working on my breathing,

which is what we did every time...

But this time, she...

said, "I'm gonna put my hand here."

And she put one here, and...

she just told me to breathe slow and deeper

and deeper and...

She was just...

She was just so fucking, like, patient or something.

And so, I kept going, and then she said,

"Remember this feeling," and... Fuck! Here I go again.

(SIGHS)

She said, "Remember this feeling.

It's like the first time you fell in love."

(SIGHS)

Well, that's a good feeling, right?

I don't know.

(SIGHS) I mean, I don't know.

- You've never been in love? - (SIGHS)

Now, why would I do that to myself? (LAUGHS)

- Well, do you wanna change that? - (SCOFFS) No.

I'd rather just sit around judging people

that choose love and lose. (LAUGHS, SNIFFLES)

Maybe we could join a dating site together.

- It could be fun. (LAUGHS) - Oh, absolutely not. That's disgusting.

No.

Besides... (SIGHS)

You're the only person I know that would do anything for me.

Like...

(SIGHS)

Like stand guard for me on the side of the road

- when I gotta take a tee-tee. - Oh, my gosh!

- Samantha Miller! - (GIGGLES)

(LAUGHS) Oh no!

- Wow, you're going a lot. - (LAUGHS)

- You're the one that tells me to stay hydrated. - (LAUGHS)

You finally listen!

(BOTH LAUGH)

(SIGHS) Sweet relief.

You don't need to do any wipies?

- Oh no. I'll just drip it dry. - (GROANS)

Have we, uh, have we earned some ice cream yet?

- We've earned it! - (SIGHS) Man, I could...

I would kill for a little scoop of Tweamy Dweamy.

- Oh, you know I love my Tweamy Dweamies. - I love my Tweamy Dweamies.

(BOTH SINGING): ♪ Tweamy Dweamy... ♪

♪ Ah, ah ♪

(BOTH LAUGHING)

♪ Tweamy dweamy ♪

(BOTH LAUGHING)

- SAM: Oh, my God. - (LAUGHS)

Don't you ever repeat what I said back there, alright?

- JOEL: Alright. - SAM: I'll cut your dick off.

- (GIGGLES) - JOEL: You're tender.

SAM: (LAUGHS) I'm doing the best I can.

("YOU AND ME" BY PENNY AND THE QUARTERS PLAYING)

♪ You and me ♪

♪ Nobody, baby ♪

♪ But you and me ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my ♪

♪ Nobody, baby ♪

♪ But you and me ♪

♪ If the stars don't shine ♪

♪ If the moon won't rise ♪

♪ If I never see the setting sun again ♪

♪ You won't hear me cry ♪

♪ This I testify ♪

♪ Please, believe me, boy ♪

♪ You know I wouldn't lie ♪

- ♪ As long as there is ♪ - ♪ You and me ♪

♪ Ohh... ♪

♪ Nobody, baby, but you and me ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ My, my, my, my, my, my ♪

♪ Nobody, baby, but you and me ♪

♪ Do do do do do ♪

♪ Woo ♪

♪ Do do do do do ♪

♪ Woo ♪

♪ You... ♪

♪ You and me, baby... ♪

- Synced and corrected by naFraC - - www.addic7ed.com -