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- Mr Shakespeare?
- Who is it?

- Mr Shakespeare? You there, sir?
- What do you want?

There's a letter for you, sir

>From the Queen

Thank you

Ow!

To my countryman and subject,
Mr William Shakespeare

My admiration of your work for the stage
is well known, sir

And for many an evening do I owe you
for excellent entertainment

But news that you are to present a new play
concerning King Henry the Fifth...

...without any appearance
by that excellent rogue Sir John Falstaff...

...does, I must confess, much perplex me

I therefore request and require that
you pen a new play...

...concerning the Knight Falstaff himself,
for a Royal entertainment...

...and that performance of said play
shall take place two weeks from today

Oh, my God!

And hereby signed,
Her Royal Majesty, Elizabeth

Queen of England... and Ireland...
and France...

...and Defender of the Faith

Oh dear... right

Act 1...

Oh yes, that's very good

Sir Hugh, persuade me not.
I will make a Star Chamber matter of it

If he were twenty Sir John Falstaffs...

...he shall not abuse Robert Shallow,
esquire, Justice of the Peace

- And a gentleman born, Master Parson
- Ay, cousin Slender

If Sir John Falstaff have committed
disparagements unto you...

...I am of the Church...

...and will be glad to do my benevolence...

...to make atonements and compromises
between you

The Council shall hear it, it is a riot

It is not meet the Council hear a riot.
There is no fear of God in a riot

Ha! O' my life, if I were young again,
the sword should end it

It is petter that friends is the sword,
and end it

- What?
- Now...

...there is another device in my brain...

...which peradventure
brings good discretions with it

There is Anne Page, which is daughter
to Mister George Page...

...which is pretty virginity

Mistress Anne Page?

She has brown hair,
and speaks small like a woman

It is that very person, and seven hundred
pounds of moneys, and gold and silver...

...is her grandsire upon his death's-bed,
God deliver to a joyful resurrections...

...has left her, when she is able
to overtake twenty-one years old

It were a good motion
to leave our pribbles and prabbles...

...and desire a marriage between
Master Abraham Slender and Mistress Anne Page

Did her grandsire leave her
seven hundred pounds?

Ay, and her father is make her
a better penny

I know the young gentlewoman.
She has good gifts

Seven hundred pounds and possibilities
is good gifts

Well, let us see honest Mister Page

Is Falstaff there?

The knight, Sir John Falstaff, is there

And, I beseech you,
be ruled by your well-willers

I will beat the door for Mister Page

- Boyo! God bless your house here
- Who's there?

Here is God's blessing, and your friend,
and Justice Shallow...

...and here, young Master Slender

I am glad to see your worships well

Mister Page, I am glad to see you

- Is Sir John Falstaff here?
- Sir, he is within

- He hath wronged me, Mister Page
- Ah, sir, he doth in some sort confess it

If it be confessed, it is not redressed.
Is not that so, Mister Page?

He hath wronged me. Indeed he hath,
at a word, he hath, believe me

Robert Shallow, esquire, saith he is wronged

Here comes Sir John

Now Mister Shallow,
you'll complain of me to the Queen's Council?

Knight, you have beaten my men,
killed my deer, and broke open my lodge

But not kissed your keeper's daughter?

This shall be answered

I will answer it straight

I have done all this.
That is now answered

The Council shall know this

'Twere better for you if it were known in
council. You'll be laughed at

Master Slender, I broke your head.
What matter have you against me?

Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against
you, and against your coney-catching rascals

They carried me to the tavern, made me drunk,
and afterwards they picked my pocket

- You Banbury cheese!
- Ay, it is no matter

- How now, Mephistophiles!
- Ay, it is no matter

Slice, I say, slice! That's my humour

Where's Simple, my man?
Can you tell, cousin?

Peace, peace, I pray you

I will make a brief of it in my notebook...

...and afterwards, will work upon the cause
with as great discreetly as I can

- Pistol!
- He hears with ears

"He hears with ears"?
What phrase is this, why, it is affectations

Pistol, did you pick Master Slender's purse?

Ay, by these garms, did he,
of seven groats in mill-sixpences...

...and two Edward shovel-boards, that cost me
two shilling and two pence apiece

Is this true, Pistol?

I combat challenge of this latten bilbo.
Word of denial. Froth and scum, thou liest

- By this ring, then, 'twas he
- Nym?

Be avised, sir, and pass good humours.
Do not run the beadle's humour on me

By these loafers, then, she had it

For though I cannot remember what I did
when you made me drunk...

...yet I am not altogether an ass

Bardolph?

Why, sir, for my part I say the gentleman
had drunk himself out of his five sentences

It is his "five senses".
Fie, what the ignorance is!

And being completely fap, sir,
was as they say cashiered...

...and so the conclusions past the careers

Ah-ha! You spake in Latin then, too

But 'tis no matter, for I'll ne'er be drunk
whilst I live again...

...but in honest, civil, godly company

And if I be drunk, I shall be drunk with
those that have the fear of God...

...and not with drunken knaves

That is a virtuous mind. Sir John, good worts

Good worts, good cabbage

You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen

You hear it

Ah, gentlemen!

Nay, daughter, carry the wine in

O heaven! This is Mistress Anne Page

How now, Mistress Ford!

Mistress Ford,
by my troth, you are very well met

By your leave, good mistress

Come, gentlemen,
we have a hot venison pasty to dinner

Venison. I knew it!

Indeed gentlemen,
and I hope we shall drink down all unkindness

I had rather than forty shillings
I had my Book of Songs and Sonnets here

How now, Simple!
I must wait upon myself, now, must I?

Have you not the Book of Riddles
about you, have you?

Book of Riddles? Why, did you not lend it
to Alice Shortcake a fortnight last?

Come, coz, come, coz, we stay for you.
A word with you, coz

- There is, as 'twere, a tender...
- What?

A kind of offer...

...about to be made by Sir Hugh here.
Do you understand me?

Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable

If it be so, I will do that that is reason

Nay, but understand me

So I do, sir

Master Slender, I will description
the matter to you...

...if you be capacity of it

Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says

But that is not the question.
The question is concerning your marriage

- Ay, there's the point, sir
- Ay, marry, is it, the very point of it

To Mistress Anne Page

If it be so, I will marry her
upon any reasonable demands

- But can you affection the woman?
- Can you love the maid?

I hope, sir, that I will do as it shall
become one that does reason

God's Lords and Ladies!

Cousin Abraham Slender, will you,
upon good dowry, marry Anne Page?

I will marry her, sir, at your request

But if there be no great love
in the beginning...

...yet heaven may decrease it
upon better acquaintance...

...when we are married
and have more occasion to know one another

I hope, upon familiarity
will grow more contempt

But if you say "Marry her", I will marry her.
That I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely

Dissolutely? The word is "resolutely"

I think my cousin meant well

Here comes fair Mistress Anne

Mistress Anne,
would I were young for your sake

The dinner is on the table.
My father desires your company

I will wait upon him, fair Mistress Anne

God's blessed will,
I will not be absence at the grace

Go Sirrah, go wait upon my cousin

Will it please you to come in, sir?

No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily.
I am very well

The dinner attends you, sir

I am not a-hungry, I thank you

I may not go in without you.
They will not sit till you come

I' faith, I'll eat nothing.
I thank you as much as though I did

- I pray you, sir, walk in
- I had rather stay here, I thank you

I bruised my shin the other day playing
at sword and dagger with a master of fence

Why does your dog growl so?

Come, gentle Master Slender.
Come, we stay for you

I'll eat nothing, I thank you, sir

By cock and pie, you shall not choose, sir.
Come, come

I pray you, Mistress Anne, lead the way

Simple! Go your ways, look you,
and ask of Doctor Caius' house

There dwells one Mistress Quickly,
which is in the manner of his nurse...

...or his dry nurse, his cook,
or his laundry, his washer, and his wringer

Well, sir

Give her this letter

For it is a woman that altogether
is acquaintance with Mistress Anne Page

And the letter is to desire
and require her...

...to solicit your master, Abraham Slender's,
desires to Mistress Anne Page

Pray you, be gone

I will make an end of my dinner,
there's pippins and cheese to come

Mine Hostess of the Garter!

What sayest thou, bully-rook?

Speak scholarly and wisely

Truly, good Hostess,
I must turn away some of my followers

Then discard, bully Hercules.
Let them wag. Trot, trot

I sit at ten pounds a week

And you live like an Emperor,
a Caesar, a Keisar, a Vizier

All right

I will entertain Bardolph.
She shall draw, she shall tap

Said I well, bully Hector?

- Do so, good mine Hostess
- I have spoke

- Bardolph!
- Yes, Sir John

Let me see thee froth and lime

I am at a word, follow

- What?
- Bardolph, follow her

A tapster is a good trade

Bardolph, wilt thou the spigot wield?

It is a life that I have desired.
I will thrive

Well, she was gotten in drink.
Is not the humour conceited?

Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels

There is no remedy.
I must cony-catch. I must shift

- Young ravens must have food
- I love not the humour of bread and cheese

Which of you knows Ford of this town?

I ken him. He is of substance good

- My honest lads, I will tell you what I am
about - Two yards or more

No quips now, Pistol.
Indeed, I am in the waist two yards about

But I am now about no waste,
I am about thrift

Briefly...

...I do mean to make love to Ford's wife

I spy entertainment in her

She discourses, she carves,
she gives the leer of invitation

I can construe her action,
which is in plain English...

..."I am Sir John Falstaff's"

He hath studied her well,
and translated her will...

...out of honesty into English

Will that humour pass?

The report goes, she holds all the rule
of her husband's purse

He hath a legion of angels

- "To her, boy," say I
- The humour rises, it's good

Humour me those angels

I have writ me here a letter to her.
And here another to Page's wife...

...who even yesterday
gave me good eyes too...

...examined my parts
with most judicious oeillades

Sometimes the beam of her view
gilded my foot, sometimes my portly belly

O, she did so course o'er my exteriors
with such a greedy intention...

...that the appetite of her eye
did seem to scorch me up like a burning-glass

She bears the purse too

They shall be my East and West Indies,
all gold and bounty...

...and I will trade to them both

Go there, bear thou this letter
to Mistress Page...

...and thou this, to Mistress Ford

We will thrive, lads, we will thrive!

Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become,
and by my side wear steel?

Lucifer take all!

I will run no base humour.
You take the letter, I will keep my reputation

- And I mine honour
- Thine honour!

I have been content, sirs,
you should lay my countenance to pawn

I am damned in hell for swearing my friends,
you were good and tall fellows

And when Mistress Bridget
lost the handle of her fan...

...I took't upon mine honour
thou hadst it not

- Didst not we share?
- Hadst you not fifteen pence?

Reason, you rogues, reason.
Thinkest thou I'll endanger my soul gratis?

At a word, hang no more about me

You would not bear a letter for me,
you rogues?

Hence, avaunt!

Vanish like hailstones, go!

Trudge, plod away o' the hoof,
seek shelter, pack!

Falstaff will learn the humour of this age

French thrift, you rogues

You boy, be you my page

- What's your name?
- Robin

- Robin, bear you these letters tightly
- Yes, Sir John

Let vultures gripe thy guts,
base Phrygian Turk!

Why, now the world's mine oyster,
which I with sword shall open

I have ideas
which would be humours of revenge

- Revenge?
- Ay

- With wit or steel?
- With... both... the humours, I

I will impart the humour of his love to Page

And I to Ford shall eke unfold...

...how Falstaff, varlet vile...

...Ford's dove will prove,
his gold will hold, and his soft bed defile

I will incense Page to deal with poison

For the revolt of mine is dangerous.
That is my true humour

Thou art the Mars of malcontents

- Really?
- I second thee, troop on

John Rugby!
I prithee, go to the casement...

...and see if you can see my master,
Doctor Caius, coming

If he do, i' faith, and find any body
in the house, he will be horn mad

I'll go watch

Go

And we'll have a posset for it
soon at night, in faith

An honest, willing, kind fellow,
as ever servant come in house withal

And, I warrant you,
no tell-tale nor no breed-bate

His worst fault is,
that he is given to prayer

He is something peevish that way, but...

...nobody but has his fault

But let that pass

Peter Simple, you say your name is?

Ay, for want of a better

- And Master Slender's your master?
- Ay

- A softly-sprighted man, is he not?
- Ay, forsooth

He's as tall a man of his hands
as any is between this and his head

I do remember him

Does he not hold up his head,
as it were, and strut in his gait?

Yes, indeed, does he

Well, heaven send Anne Page
no worse fortune

Tell Mister Parson Evans
I'll do what I can for your master

- Anne's a good girl, and I...
- Out, alas! Here comes my master

We shall all be shent!

Run in here, good young man.
Go in this closet

He will not stay long

What is you sing? I do not like these toys

Fe, fe, fe, fe, fe!

Ma foi, il fait fort chaud

Je m'en vais à la cour, la grande affaire

Oh là là. Quelle catastrophe, ce Brexit

Pray you, fetch me in my closet the...

...la boîte verte...

The box, the green box

Do you intend what I speak?

The green box

Ay, forsooth, I'll fetch it you

I'm glad he went not in himself

Is it this one, sir?

Mais oui, mette-le dans mon sac, in my bag

Dépêche, quickly. Quickly, Quickly

Where is that knave John Rugby?

- John Rugby! John!
- Here, sir

You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby

Come, follow my heels to the court

Ah ma foi, qu'ai-j'oublié!

There is some simples in my closet...

...that I will not for the world
I shall leave behind

Ay me, he'll find the young man in there

Merci beaucoup

O diable, diable! What is in my closet?

Villain!

Voleur! Scélérat! Larron!

- Rugby, my rapier!
- Good master, be content

- Wherefore should I be content?
- The young man is an honest man

What shall the honest man do in my closet?

There is no honest man
that shall come in my closet

I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic

Hear the truth of it

He comes of an errand to me
from Parson Hugh

Errand? What errand?

- He would desire...
- Peace, I pray you

Peace in your mouth

Speak your tale

He will desire this honest gentlewoman,
your maid...

...to speak a good word
to Mistress Anne Page...

...for my master, Master Slender,
in the way of marriage

This is all, indeed

But I would ne'er have done it

Sir Hugh send you?

Baille-moi du papier, Rugby

Prepare me some paper

You, wait little while

I am glad he is so quiet

If he'd been thoroughly moved,
you should have heard him so loud

But listen, I'll do you your master
what good I can

But the thing is, the French doctor,
my master, well, I...

My master, well, I call him my master,
for I keep his house

I wash, wring, brew, bake, scour...

...dress meat and drink, make the beds
and do all myself...

...but he, my master, is in love
with Mistress Anne Page himself

But notwithstanding that, I know Anne's mind

You jackanape,
you give this letter to Sir Hugh

By gar, it is a challenge

I will cut his throat in the park

And I will teach a scurvy jackanape priest
to meddle

You may be gone.
It is not good you tarry here

By gar, I will cut all his two couilles...

..."bollocks"

By gar, he will not have a ball left
to throw for his dog

Alas, he speaks but for his friend

It's no matter for that

Do not you tell me that.
I shall have Anne Page for myself

By gar, I will kill the priest

And I have assigned mine Hostess of the
Garter to decide where we meet...

...to measure our weapons

By gar, I will myself have Anne Page

Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be
well

We must give folk leave to prate

Rugby, come to the court with me

By gar, if I do not have Anne Page,
I shall turn your head out of my doors

Follow my heels, Rugby

You shall have An... fool's head of your own

- Who's there?
- What ho

Oh Master Fenton! Come in, I pray you

How now, good woman, how dost thou?

The better that it pleases
your good worship to ask

What news?
How does pretty Mistress Anne?

In truth, and she is pretty, and honest,
and gentle, and she is your friend

I can tell you that,
and I praise heaven for it

Shall I do any good, thinkest thou?
Shall I not lose my suit?

Master Fenton,
I'll be sworn on a book, she loves you

- Have not your worship a wart above your
eye? - Yes, marry, have I. What of that?

Well, thereby hangs a tale

Good faith, she is such a one. But, I detest,
an honest maid as ever broke bread

We had an hour's talk of that wart

Indeed, she's much given to allicholy
and musing for you

Well, I shall see her today.
Hold, there's money for thee

Let me have thy voice in my behalf.
If thou seest her before me, commend me

Will I? I'faith, that I will

And I will tell your worship more of the wart
the next time we have confidence...

...and of other wooers

- Well, farewell. I am in great haste now
- Farewell to your worship

Truly, an honest gentleman

But Anne loves him not,
for I know Anne's mind for that

Never a woman in Windsor
knows more of Anne's mind than I do

Out upon't, what have I forgot?

What, have I scaped love-letters
in the holiday-time of my beauty...

...and am I now a subject for them?
Let me see

"Ask me no reason why I love you"

"For though Love use Reason
for his confessor..."

"...he admits him not for his counsellor"

"You are not young..."

"...no more am I.
Go to then, there's sympathy"

"You are merry, so am I.
Ha, ha, then there's more sympathy"

"You love drink, and so do I.
Would you desire better sympathy?"

"Let it suffice thee, Mistress Page,
at least, if the love of soldier can suffice..."

"...that I love thee"

"I will not say, pity me, 'tis not
a soldier-like phrase. But I say, love me"

"By me, thine own true knight,
By day or night, or any kind of light"

"With all his might for thee to fight..."

"...John Falstaff"

John Falstaff? O wicked world!

A man that is well-nigh
worn to pieces with age...

...showing himself a young gallant!

And what an unweighed behaviour...

...hath this Flemish drunkard
picked out of my conversation...

...that he dares in this manner assay me?

Why, he hath not been thrice in my company!
What did I say to him?

I was then frugal of my mirth,
heaven forgive me

Why, I'll exhibit a bill in the parliament
for the putting down of men

How shall I be revenged on him?

For revenged I will be,
as sure as his guts are made of puddings

Mistress Page! Meg!

Alice! You look very ill

Nay, I'll ne'er believe that,
I have to show to the contrary

- Oh Meg, give me some counsel
- What's the matter?

If it were not for one trifling respect,
I could come to such honour

Hang the trifle, woman, take the honour.
What is it?

Dispense with trifles, what is it?

If I would but go to hell
for an eternal moment or so...

...I could be knighted

- What?
- Here, read, read

Perceive how I might be knighted

I shall think the worse of fat men...

...as long as I have an eye
to make difference of men's liking

How shall I be revenged on him?

I think the best way
were to entertain him with hope...

...until the wicked fire of lust
have melted him in his own grease

Did you ever hear the like?

Letter for letter, but that the name of
Page and Ford differs

Here's the twin-brother to thy letter

I warrant he hath
a thousand of these letters...

...writ with blank space for different names

Sure, more, and he will print them,
out of doubt

For he cares not what he puts into the press,
when he would put us two

I will find you twenty lascivious turtles
ere one chaste man

Why, this is the very same,
the very hand, the very words

- What doth he think of us?
- Nay, I know not

Sure, unless he know some strain in me,
that I know not myself...

...he would never have boarded me
in this fury

"Boarding" call you it?
I'll be sure to keep him above deck

So will I

If he come under my hatches,
I'll never to sea again

Let's be revenged on him

I will consent to act any villany against
him, that may not sully the chariness of our honesty

That my husband saw this letter!
It would give eternal food to his jealousy

My husband's as far from jealousy
as I am from giving him cause

You are the happier woman

Let's consult together
against this greasy knight

Come, come

- Nay, I hope it be not so
- And this is true

I love not the humour of lying

- He loves your wife
- Yes, Sir John affects thy wife

Why, sir, my wife is not young

He loves your wife.
There's the short and the long

He woos both high and low, both rich and poor
both young and old...

...one with another, he loves them all

Loves my wife!

My name is Nym

And Falstaff loves your wife

With liver burning hot

Take heed, have open eye,
for thieves do foot by night

Take heed, ere summer comes
or cuckoo-birds do sing

Adieu

Believe it, Page, he speaks sense

Farewell

I will find out this

"The humour of it," quoth he!
Here's a fellow frights English out of his wits

- I will seek out Falstaff
- I never heard such a drawling, affecting rogue

- If I do find it, well
- I will not believe him

'Twas a good sensible fellow, well

You heard what this knave told me,
did you not?

- Yeah, and you heard what the other told me?
- Do you think there's truth in 'em?

Hang 'em, slaves! These that accuse him
in his intent towards our wives...

...are a yoke of his discarded men.
Very rogues, now they be out of service

- Were they his men?
- Marry, were they

I like it never the better for that.
Does he lie at the Garter?

Ay, marry, does he

If he should intend this voyage
towards my wife, I shall turn her loose to him

And what he gets more of her
than sharp words, let it lie on my head

I do not misdoubt my wife,
but I would be loath to turn 'em together

A man may be too confident

- Whither go you, George?
- How now, Meg

How now, sweet Frank

Why art thou melancholy?

I melancholy! I am not melancholy.
Get you in, go

Faith, thou hast some crotchets in thy head.
Will you go in, Meg?

Have with you.
You'll come to dinner, George

Look who comes yonder

She shall be our messenger
to this paltry knight

Aye, I thought on her. She'll fit it

You are come to see my daughter Anne?

Ay, forsooth.
And how does good Mistress Anne?

Go in with us and see.
We'll have an hour's talk with you

- Bully-rook!
- I follow, mine Hostess, I follow

Look where my ranting Hostess
of the Garter comes

There is either liquor in her pate
or money in her purse...

...when she looks so merrily

- How now, bully-rook!
- How now, mine Hostess

Good day, good Mister Page!
Mister Page, will you go with us?

- We have sport in hand
- Tell him, Cavaliero Justice, tell him

Sir, there is a fray to be fought
between Sir Hugh the Welsh priest...

...and Caius the French doctor

Good mine Hostess of the Garter,
a word with you

What sayest thou?

Will you go with us to behold it?
My merry Hostess...

My merry Hostess...

My merry Hostess
hath appointed them contrary places

Hark, I will tell you what our sport shall be

I have heard the Frenchman
hath good skill in his rapier

Ah Mister Page, I have seen the time,
with my long sword...

...I would have made four tall fellows
skip like rats

You mean my knight, my guest Sir John?

I do! And I'll give you a bottle
of burnt sack to give me recourse to him...

...and tell him my name is Brook,
only for a jest

My hand, bully

Thou shalt have egress and regress.
Said I well?

And thy name shall be Brook

He is a merry knight. Will you go with us?

- Come come, mine Hostess
- Boys, boys, let us wag

Though Page be a secure fool,
he stands so firmly on his wife's frailty...

...yet I cannot put off my opinion so easily

She was in Falstaff's company
at Page's house...

...and what they made there, I know not

Well, I will look further into it.
And I'll have a disguise to sound Falstaff

If I find her honest, I lose not my labour

If she be otherwise...

...'tis labour well bestowed

Sir...

...there's a woman would speak with you
- Let her approach

Cheers

- Give your worship good morrow
- Good morrow, good wife

- Not so, an't please your worship
- Good maid, then

I'll be sworn, as my mother was,
the first hour I was born

I do believe the swearer

What with me?

Shall I vouchsafe your worship a word or two?

Two thousand, fair lady,
and I'll vouchsafe thee the hearing

There is one Mistress Ford, sir

I pray, come a little nearer this ways

- I myself dwell with Master Doctor Caius
- Well, on. Mistress Ford, you say

Your worship says very true

I pray your worship,
come a little nearer this ways

- Bardolph... thingamajig...
- Robin!

Get thee hence

Well now

Mistress Ford. What of her?

Why, sir, she's a good creature

Lord, Lord! Your worship's a wanton

Heaven forgive you and all of us, I pray

Mistress Ford. Come, Mistress Ford

Marry, this is the short and the long of it

You have brought her into
such a canaries as 'tis wonderful

The best courtier of them all could never
have brought her to such a canaries

Yet, there has been knights, and lords...

...and gentlemen, with their coaches,
I warrant you

Coach after coach...

...letter after letter, gift after gift,
smelling so sweetly all musk

And so rushling, I warrant you, in silk and
gold, that would have won any woman's heart

And, I warrant you,
they could never get an eye-wink of her

They could never get her so much as
sip on a cup with the proudest of them all

And which is more, there has been earls,
but, I warrant you, all is one with her

But what says she to me?
Be brief, my good she-Mercury

Marry, she hath received your letter,
for the which she thanks you a thousand times

And she gives you to notify that her husband
will be absence from his house...

...between five and six this evening

- Five and six?
- Ay, truly

And then you may come and see the picture,
she says, that you wot of

Mister Ford, her husband, will be from home

Alas! the sweet woman
leads an ill life with him

He's a very jealousy man

She leads a very frampold life with him,
good heart

Five and six.
Woman, commend me to her. I will not fail her

Why, you say well.
But I have another messenger to your worship

Mistress Page
hath her hearty commendations to you too

And let me tell you in your ear...

...she is as fartuous a civil modest wife
as any in these parts

And she bade me tell you
that her husband is seldom from home

But she hopes there will come a time

La! I never knew any two women
so dote upon a man

In truth, I think you have charms

Charms? No, not I, I assure you

Setting the attractions
of my good parts aside...

...I have no other charms

- Blessings on your heart for it!
- But, I pray thee, tell me this

Has Ford's wife and Page's wife...

...acquainted each other how they love me?

That were a jest indeed!

They would not have so little grace, I hope.
That were a trick indeed

But Mistress Page desires
that you send her your servant Robin

Her husband has a marvellous infection
for the boy

And then he may come and go between you both
that you may know one another's mind

Why, I will.
Robin, go along with this woman

Fare thee well, commend me to them both.
I am yet thy debtor

This news distracts me!

Well, go thy ways old Jack

I'll make more of thy old body
than I have done

Wilt thou yet look after me?

Wilt thou, after the expense
of so much money, be now a gainer?

Good body...

...I thank thee

Sir John

Sir John, there's one Mister Brook without...

...would fain speak with you,
and be acquainted with you

And hath sent your worship
a morning's draught of sack

Brook is his name?

- Ay, sir
- Call him in

Such Brooks are welcome to me,
that o'erflow such liquor

- Bless you, sir
- And you, sir. Would you speak with me?

Bardolph, give us leave

Sir, I am a gentleman.

The name is Brook, Yakov Brook

Good Mister Yakov Brook,
I desire more acquaintance of you

Good Sir John, I sue for yours.
And I have a bag of money here troubles me

If you will help to bear it, Sir John,
take all or half, for easing me of the carriage

Sir, I know not how I may deserve
to be your porter

I will tell you

There is a gentlewoman in this town.
Her husband's name...

- ...is Ford
- Well, sir

I have long loved her

And, I protest to you,
bestowed much on her

Not only bought many presents to give her...

...but have also given to others to know
what she would wish to be given

Briefly, I have pursued her
as love hath pursued me...

...which hath been on the wing
of all occasions. But..

...whatsoever I have merited, reward,
I am sure, I have received none

Unless experience be a jewel
that hath taught me to say this...

Love like a shadow flies
when substance love pursues

Pursuing that it flies,
and flying what pursues

Have you received no promise
of satisfaction at her hands?

- Never
- Have you importuned her to such an end?

- Never!
- To what purpose then have you...

...unfolded this to me?

When I have told you that,
I have told you all

Some say,
that though she appear honest to me...

...yet in other places,
she enlarges her mirth so far...

...that there is shrewd construction
made of her

Now, Sir John,
here is the heart of my purpose

You are a gentleman of excellent breeding...

...great standing, admirable discourse,
respected in your place and person

- O, sir!
- Believe it, sir, for you know it

There is money

Take some

Only give me so much of your time
in exchange of it...

...as to lay an amiable siege to the honesty
of this Ford's wife

Use your art of wooing

Vooing?

Wooing. Win her to consent to you.
If any man may, you may

Would it apply well
to the vehemency of your affection...

...that I should win what you would enjoy?

Understand my drift

She dwells so securely on
the excellency of her honour...

...that the wantonness of my soul
dares not present itself

She is too bright to be looked against

But, could I could come to her
with any detection in my hand...

...my desires had evidence and argument
to commend themselves

What say you to it, Sir John?

Mister Brook, I will first make bold
with your money

Next, give me your hand.
And last, as I am a gentleman...

...you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford's wife

Want no money, Sir John.
You shall want none

Want no Mistress Ford, Mister Brook,
you shall want none

I shall be with her, I may tell you,
by her own appointment

Even as you came in to me,
her assistant or go-between parted from me

I say I shall be with her
between five and six

For at that time the jealous rascally knave
her husband will be forth

Come to me at night.
You shall know how I speed

- Do you know Ford, Sir John?
- I know him not

But they say he hath masses of money...

...for the which his wife
seems to me well-favoured

I will use her as the key
of her cuckoldy husband's coffers

I would you knew him, sir,
that you might avoid him if you saw him

Hang him, vulgar salt-butter rogue!

I will stare him out of his wits,
I will awe him with my cudgel

Thou, Mister Brook, shalt know
I will predominate over this peasant...

...and thou shalt lie with his wife

Ford's a knave,
and I will aggravate his style

Thou, Mister Brook, shall know him
for a knave and cuckold

Come to me soon at night

What a damned Epicurean rascal is this!

My heart is ready to crack with impatience

Who says this is improvident jealousy?

My wife hath sent to him.
The hour is fixed, the match is made

Would any man have thought this?

See the hell of having a false woman

My bed is to be be abused...

...my coffers ransacked,
my reputation gnawn at

And I shall not only receive this villanous
wrong, but shall be called abominable names...

...and by him that does me this wrong

Cuckold! Half-wit!

Cuckold!
The devil himself hath not such names

Page is an ass, a secure ass

He will trust his wife,
he will not be jealous

I will rather trust a Fleming
with my butter...

...Parson Hugh the Welshman with my cheese...

...or an Irishman with my whisky bottle...

...than my wife with herself

Then she plots, then she ruminates,
then she devises

And what they think in their hearts,
they may effect

God be praised for my jealousy!

Five o'clock the hour

I will prevent this, detect my wife...

...be revenged on Falstaff, and laugh at Page

I will about it. Better three hours too soon
than a minute too late

Fie, fie, fie! Cuckold, cuckold, cuckold!

- Jack Rugby
- Sir?

What is the clock, Jack?

'Tis past the hour, sir,
that Sir Hugh promised to meet

By gar, he has save his soul
that he has not come...

He has pray his Bible well
that he is not come

By gar, Jack Rugby,
he is dead already, if he be come

He is wise, sir.
He knew that you would kill him, if he came

By gar, the doornail is no dead
so as I will kill him

It's good English, no?

Here. Take the rapier,
I will show you how I will kill him

- Alas, sir, I cannot fence
- Villainy, take the rapier

Hold on, here's company

What be all you, one, two, three, four,
come for?

- To see thee fight
- To see thee foin

- To see thee here, to see thee there
- To see thy punto, thy stock

- Where is he?
- Is he dead?

What say you?
Is he dead, my bully, is he dead?

By gar, he is the coward Jack priest
of the world

He dare not show his face

Well, thou art a Hector of Greece, my boy

Pray witness that we have stay
for six or seven hours for him

For two or three hours for him
and he is not come

He is the wiser man, Doctor

He is a curer of souls,
and you a curer of bodies

If you should fight, you go against
the hair of your profession

Is it not true, Mister Page?

Mister Shallow, you have yourself
once been a great fighter

Ah! Indeed, Mister Page,
though I now be of the peace...

...if I see a sword out, my finger itches

So we are justices and doctors
and churchmen...

...we have some salt of our youth in us,
Mister Page

- We are the sons of women, Mister Page
- 'Tis true, Mister Shallow

Pardon, croissant,
voulez-vous coucher avec le cassoulet?

Pardon.

A word, Monsewer Mock-water

Mock-water? What is that?

Mock-water, in our English tongue, is...

- ...valour, bully.
- Valour!

By gar, then, I have as much mock-water
as the Englishman

And the Welshman

Scurvy jack-dog priest!
I will cut off his ears

No. but... His ears...

He will clapper-claw thee, bully

Clapper claw? What is that?

- That is, he will make thee amends
- Amends!

By gar, I do look he shall clapper-claw me,
for, by gar, I will have it

And I will provoke him to it, or let him wag

- I thank you for that
- And, moreover, bully...

But first, Mister Shallow, and Mister Page,
and you young Mister Slender...

...go you through the town to Frog Lane

- Sir Hugh is there, is he?
- He is there

See what humour he is in...

...and I will bring the Doctor about
the back way

- Will it do well?
- We will do it

- Adieu, Doctor Caius
- Adieu

Adieu, adieu.

By gar, I will kill the priest...

...for he speak for the jackanape Slender
to Anne Page

Yeah, let him die, yeah.

But come, Doctor...

...first, sheathe thy impatience,
pour cold water on thy choler

And go through the streets with me
to Frog Lane

I will bring thee where Mistress Anne Page
is a-feasting...

...and thou shalt woo her

- Said I well?
- By gar, I thank you for that

By gar, I love you

I will procure you the good guest
for your pub

My patients.
The earl, the knight, the count...

- The count...?
- The countess...

- The gentlewomen
- That is well said. Let us wag, then

Follow my heels, Jack Rugby

Pray you now, Simple,
good Master Slender's serving-man...

...which way have you looked for Mister
Caius, that calls himself Doctor of Physic?

Marry, sir, the pittie-ward, the park-ward,
every way but the town way

I most vehemently desire you,
you will also look that way

I will, sir

Bless my soul, how full of cholers I am...

...and trembling of mind

I'll knog his urinals
about his knave's costard...

,,,when I have good opportunities for it

Bless my soul!

Iesu mawr, Diawi bach, Coc oen

Guide me, O thou great Redeemer...

...pilgrim through this barren land

I am weak...

Mercy on me!
I have a great disposition to cry

...but thou art mighty...

...hold me with thy powerful hand

Bread of heaven, bread of heaven...

...feed me now and ever more...

A heavenly choir of Welsh angels

Marvellous. I tell you what...

Why don't we all sing the last line
all together?

Let's give it a go

And give it some good Welsh welly

Ready? And...

- Feed me now...
- ...and ever more

Stop, stop, stop

That's hopeless!

"Welsh welly" not "English porridge"!

Let's try it again.
Think Cardiff Arms Park

Ready, and...

Feed me now and ever more

Yonder he is coming this way, Sir Hugh

He's welcome

What weapons is he?

And here comes my master, Master Slender,
and two other gentlemen, this way

- How now, Mister Parson
- Save you, good Sir Hugh

God bless you from his mercy sake, all of you

We are come to you to do a good office,
good Sir Hugh

Very well, what is it?

Yonder is a most reverend gentleman,
who, like you...

...having received wrong by some person...

...is at most odds with his own gravity
and patience as ever you saw

In all my years, I never heard a man
of his place, gravity and learning...

...so at odds with his own reputation

- What is he?
- I think you know him

He is Mister Doctor Caius,
the famous French physician

Bless my soul and his passion of my heart!

I had as lief you would tell me
of a mess of porridge

- Why?
- He's a knave

A cowardly knave as you would be desires
to have acquaintance with

- And he's the man should fight with him
- It appears so by his weapons

Keep them asunder, here he comes.
He's coming now!

Disarm them!

Let them keep their limbs whole
and rather hack our English language

Wherefore will you not meet with me?

- What?
- Put 'em down

By gar, you are a coward

I'll knog your urinals
about your knave's costard...

...for missing your meetings and appointments

Jack Rugby,
have I not stay for him to kill him?

Mine Hostess of the Garter,
have I not stay at the place you did appoint?

As I am a Christian soul now, look you,
this is the place appointed

Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaul...

...French and Welsh,
soul-curer and body-curer!

Ah, that's very good, excellent

Peace, I say!
And hear me, your Hostess of the Garter

Oh, am I politic? Am I subtle?
Am I a Machiavel?

- Shall I lose my doctor?
- A-no!

He gives me the potions and the motions

Shall I lose my parson,
my priest, Master Hugh?

No!

He gives me the proverbs and the... no-verbs

Give me your hand, terrestrial, so

Not you!

Give me your hand, celestial, so

Boys...

...I have deceived you both

I have directed you to the wrong places

Your hearts are mighty, your skin is whole...

...and let us end it in a vat of good wine

Follow, lads of peace, follow

Trust me, a mad Hostess.
Follow, gentlemen, follow

I pray you, let me speak a word in your ears

Do I perceive that she has
made the fool of both of us?

Yes, she has made us a laughing stock

Come, I desire you, that...

...we may be friends

By gar...

...with all my heart

By gar, she has deceive me too.
She promised to bring me where is Anne Page

Well, I will smite her noddles. Let us go

- Noddles? What is that?
- I will teach thee

Jack Rugby, you go home. I will come anon

Now, I pray you, follow

Nay, keep your way, young gallant

You were wont to be a follower,
but now you are a leader

Whether had you lead mine eyes,
or eye your master's heels?

I had rather go before you like a man
than follow him like a boy

You are a flattering one.
Now I see you'll be a courtier

Well met, Mistress Page. Whither go you?

To see your wife, sir. Is she at home?

Ay, and idle for want of company

I think, if your husbands were dead,
you two would marry

Be sure of that, yes. Two other husbands

Where had you this pretty weather-cock?

I cannot tell what the dickens his name is
my husband had him of

- What do you call your master's name,
sirrah? - Sir John Falstaff

Sir John Falstaff?

That's it, I can never hit on his name

- Is your wife home, sir?
- Indeed she is

Then by your leave, sir,
I am sick till I see her

Has Page any brains?

Hath he any eyes? Hath he any thinking?

Sure, his senses sleep.
He hath no use of 'em

Why, this boy will carry a letter twenty mile
as easy as a cannon will shoot twelve score

He encourages his wife's urges,
he gives her folly motion and advantage

And now she's going to my wife,
and Falstaff's boy with her

Good plots, they are laid

And Falstaff's boy with her!

And our revolted wives
share damnation together

Well...

I will take Falstaff...

...then torment my wife...

Pluck the borrowed veil of modesty
from the so-seeming Mistress Page...

...divulge Page himself
for a secure and wilful cuckold

And at these proceedings,
all my neighbours shall applaud

The clock gives me my cue,
and my assurance bids me search

There I shall find Falstaff

I shall be rather praised for this
than mocked

For it is as positive as the earth is firm...

...that Falstaff is there. I will go

A good knot! Gentlemen, Mistress Hostess

I have good cheer at home,
and I pray you all go with me

- I must excuse myself, Mister Ford
- And so must I, sir

We have appointed to meet
with Mistress Anne...

...and I would not break with her
for more money than I'll speak of

We have lingered about a match
between Anne Page and my cousin Slender...

...and this day we shall have our answer

I hope I have your good will, father Page?

You have, son Slender. I stand wholly for you

But my wife, Master Doctor,
is for you altogether

Oui, by gar, and the maid is love me.
My Mistress Quickly tell me so much

What say you to young Master Fenton?

He capers, he dances...

...he has the eyes of youth...

...he writes verses, he speaks holiday

He smells... April and May

He will carry it, he will carry it,
'tis in his buttons

- He will carry it
- Not by my consent, I promise you

The gentleman is of too high a region

No, he shall not knit a knot in his fortunes
with the finger of my substance

If he take her, let him take her simply

The wealth I have waits on my consent,
and my consent goes not that way

I beseech you heartily,
some of you go home with me to dinner

Besides your cheer, you shall have sport.
I will show you a monster

Master Doctor, you shall come.
So shall you, Mister Page, and you, Sir Hugh

Well, fare you well

You shall come, Mistress Hostess

Oh, no, my hearts

I must back to my honest knight
Sir Falstaff...

...and drink some canary with him

I think I shall drink pipe wine first with
him. I'll make him dance

- Will you go, gentles?
- Have with you to see this monster

- What, Jan! What, Radek!
- Quickly, quickly! Is the wheelie bin...?

- I warrant. What, Radek, I say!
- Come, come, come

- Here, put it over there
- Give your men the charge, we must be brief

Marry, as I told you before,
Jan and Radek ...

...be ready here hard by in the pool-house
- In the pool-house

And when I suddenly call you,
come forth...

- Come forth
- ...and without any pause or staggering...

- ...take the bin out of the house.
- Out the house

That done, wheel with it in all haste
down the lane

- Down the lane
- And there empty it...

...in the muddy ditch by the ford,
close by the canal

- You will do it?
- I have told them over and over

They lack no direction

Yeah, we do it

Good

Be gone and come when you are called

Here comes young Robin

How now, my little fledgling.
What news with you?

My master, Sir John, is come in
at your back door, Mistress Ford...

...and requests your company

You little Jack-a-Lent,
have you been true to us?

Ay, I'll be sworn.
My master knows not of your being here

Thou art a good boy.
This secrecy of thine will be a tailor to thee...

...and shall make thee a new doublet and hose

- I'll go hide me
- Do so. Go tell thy master I am alone

Oh, and...

Mistress Page, remember you your cue

I warrant thee, if I do not act, hiss me

Right, then

We'll use this gross watery pumpian

We'll teach him to know turtles from jays

Ah! Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel?

Why, now let me die,
for I have lived long enough

This is the pinnacle of my ambition

- O this blessed hour!
- O sweet Sir John!

Mistress Ford, I cannot lie.
Now shall I sin in my wish

I would thy husband were dead

I'll speak it before the best lord

I... One moment...

I would make thee my lady

I your lady, Sir John!
Alas, I should be a pitiful lady

O let the court of France show me
such another

I see how thine eye would emulate the diamond

And thou hast the right arched beauty
of the brow...

...that would become a ship tiara...

...a tiara valiant
or any tiara of the Venetian style

A plain sunhat, Sir John

My brows become nothing else,
nor that well neither

By the Lord, thou art a traitor to say so

Thou wouldst make an absolute courtier

And the firm fixture of thy foot
would give an excellent motion...

...to thy gait in a semi-circled farthingale

I see what thou mightst be

Come, thou canst not hide it

Believe me, there is no such thing in me

What made me love thee?

Let that persuade thee
there's something extraordinary in thee

Come, I cannot lie
and say thou art this and that...

...like a many of those lisping hawthorn-buds
that call themselves men. I cannot

But I love thee

I love thee, and none but thee,
and thou deservest it

Do not betray me, Sir John.
I fear you love Mistress Page

No! Mistress Page is as hateful to me
as the reek of a lime-kiln

Oi!

Well, heaven knows how I love you...

...and you shall one day find it

And I'll deserve it

Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford!

Here's Mistress Page at the door,
sweating and blowing and looking wildly...

...and would needs speak with you immediately

She shall not see me.
I will ensconce me

- Under here
- Under there?

Under there

Pray you, do so. She's a very tattling woman

Quick, quick, quick!

- We've not much time, sir
- This may take me a couple of moments

I'm down

Right

Lower it! Here we go.

How now! What's the matter?

O Alice Ford what have you done?

You're shamed, you're overthrown,
you're undone for ever!

What mean you? What's the matter?

O well-a-day, Alice!

Having an honest man to your husband,
to give him such cause of suspicion!

- What cause of suspicion?
- What cause of suspicion?

Out upon you! How am I mistook in you!

Why, alas, what's the matter?

Why, woman! Your husband's coming hither,
with all the officers of the county

To search for a gentleman that he says
is here now in the house...

...by your consent,
to take an ill advantage of his absence

- You are undone
- 'Tis not so, I hope

Pray heaven 'tis not so,
that you have such a man here!

But 'tis most certain your husband's coming,
with half the town at his heels...

...to search for such a one.
I come before to tell you

If you know yourself clear,
why, I am glad of it

But if you have a friend here convey,
convey him out

Don't just stand there,
call all your senses to you

Defend your reputation,
or bid farewell to your good life for ever

What shall I do?
There is a gentleman, my dear friend

And I fear not mine own shame
so much as his peril

For shame! For shame!
Your husband's here at hand

Bethink you of some conveyance,
you cannot hide him in the house

O, how you have deceived me

Oh look, there is a wheelie bin

If he be of any reasonable stature,
he may creep in here, throw stuff upon him...

...and send him by your two men
to the ditch by the canal

He's too big to go in there.
What shall I do?

Let me see it, let me see it!

Help me!

One, two, three, heave!

Please, please. Just...

...let me see it

I'll in, I'll in.
Follow your friend's counsel, I'll in

What, Sir John Falstaff! Is it you, knight?

I love thee and none but thee

Help me away. Let me creep in here

Get a run up

Jan, Radek!

Here, sir

Leg!

Oh no, oh no

Oh, what have I sat in?

Help cover your master, boy

You dissembling knight!

Come quickly.
Take this to the tipping-ditch by the canal

Don't dawdle. Quickly, go

Get thee hence, my little eyas-musket!

Pray you, come near.
If I suspect without cause...

...why then make sport at me.
Then let me be your jest, I deserve it

How now! Whither bear you this?

Canal

- Tipping ditch
- Canal

Why, what have you to do
whither they bear the rubbish?

Rubbish!

I wish I could rid myself
of more than rubbish

Go on then, get out!

Gentlemen, here, here, here be my keys

Ascend my chambers. Search, seek, find out

I'll warrant we'll unkennel the fox

Good Mister Ford, be contented.
You wrong yourself too much

True, Mister Page

In, gentlemen. You shall see sport anon

Follow me, gentlemen!

This is very fantastical
humours and jealousies

By gar, 'tis not the fashion of France

It is not jealous in France

Nay, follow, gentlemen.
See the results of his search

Is there not a double excellency in this?

I know not which pleases me better,
that my husband is deceived, or Sir John

What a shaking was he in when your husband
asked what was in the wheelie bin

I think my husband hath some special
suspicion of Falstaff's being here

For I never saw him
so gross in his jealousy till now

I will lay a plot to try that,
and we will yet have more tricks with Falstaff

Shall we send that foolish carrion,
Mistress Quickly, to him again...

...to excuse his throwing into the canal?

And give him another hope,
to betray him to another punishment?

We will do it. Let him be sent for again

I cannot find him. Maybe the knave
bragged of that he could not compass

Heard you that?

- You use me well, Mister Ford, do you?
- Ay, I do so

Heaven make you better than your thoughts

Amen

- You do yourself mighty wrong, Mister Ford
- Ay, ay. I must bear it

If there be anybody in the house,
and in the chambers...

...and in the coffers,
and in the cupboards...

...heaven forgive my sins
at the Day of Judgement

By gar, and I too. There is no bodies

Fie, fie, Ford, are you not ashamed?

What spirit, what devil suggests
this imagination?

I would not have your distemper in this kind
for all the world

- 'Tis my fault, Page. I suffer for it
- You suffer for a bad conscience

Your wife is as honest a woman
as I will desire among five thousand...

...and five hundred too

By gar, I see she is an honest woman

Well, I promised you a dinner.
I pray you, pardon me

I will henceforth let you know
why I have done this

Wife, Mistress Page

I pray you, pardon me

I pray heartily, pardon me

Let's go in, gentlemen.
But, trust me, we'll mock him

I do invite you tomorrow morning
to my house to breakfast

After, we'll a-golfing together.
Shall it be so?

Anything. Pray you, go in

If there be one,
I shall make two in the company

And if there be one or two,
I shall make the third

- Bardolph, I say
- Yes, Sir John

Go fetch me a pint of warm sack

- Put a toast in't
- Yes, Sir John

Have I lived to be carried
in a wheelie bin...

...like a barrow of butcher's offal...

...and to be thrown into a canal?

Well, if I be served such another trick,
I'll have my brains ta'en out and buttered...

...and give them to a dog
for a new-year's gift

The rogues slighted me into the filthy water
with as little remorse...

...as they would have drowned
a blind bitch's puppies, fifteen in the litter

And you may know by my size
that I have a kind of...

...alacrity in sinking

If the bottom were as deep as hell,
I should down

I had been drowned,
but that the shore was shelvy and shallow

Drowning is a death that I abhor,
for the water swells a man

And what a thing should I have been
when I had been swelled!

Here's your sack, sir

And there's Mistress Quickly, sir

- Shall I admit her?
- Call her in

Come in, woman

By your leave

I cry you mercy.
Give your worship good e'en

- Go, fetch me another pint of sack
- With egg, sir?

Simple of itself, I'll no pullet sperm
in my brewage

Marry, sir, I come to your worship
from Mistress Ford

Mistress Ford!

I have had ford enough

I was thrown into the ford

I had my belly full of ford

Alas the day!
Good heart, this was not her fault

She does so take on with those men

They mistook their erection

So did I mine...

...to build upon a foolish woman's promise

Well, she laments, sir, for it,
would yearn your heart to see it

But now, her husband goes
tomorrow morning a-golfing

And she desires you once more
to come to her at her house

I must carry her word quickly

She'll make you amends, I warrant you

Well, I will visit her. Tell her so...

...and bid her think what a man is.
Let her consider his frailty...

...and then judge of my merit

I will tell her

- Tomorrow evening, sayest thou?
- Tomorrow morning, sir

- Well be gone. I will not miss her
- Peace be with you, sir

Here's your sack, sir

- And there's Mister Brook, sir
- Admit him not

My garments!

Comb over, comb over!

Let him approach

Bless you, sir

Now, Mister Brook, you come to know
what hath passed...

...between me and Ford's wife?

That, indeed, Sir John, is my business

Mister Brook, I will not lie to you

I was at her house
the hour she appointed me

- And how fared you, sir?
- Very ill-favoredly, Mister Brook

How so? Did she change her determination?

No, Mister Brook

For no sooner had we embraced,
kissed, protested...

...and, as it were,
spoke the prologue of our comedy...

...but the sneaking cuckold her husband...

...dwelling in a continual hysteria
of jealousy and distemper...

...comes me in that instant, and at his heels
a rabble of his companions...

...to search his house for his wife's love

- What, while you were there?
- While I was there

And did he search for you,
and could not find you?

You shall hear

As good luck would have it, comes in one
Mistress Page...

...gives intelligence of Ford's approach...

...and, in her invention,
they conveyed me into a wheelie bin

- A wheelie bin?
- By the Lord, a wheelie bin

Oh Mister Brook, what I have suffered
to bring this woman to evil for your good

A wheelie bin so rammed me in
with foul matter...

...that there was the rankest compound
of villanous smell that ever offended nostril

- And how long lay you there?
- You shall hear

Being thus crammed in the wheelie bin...

...a couple of Ford's knaves were called
forth by their mistress to convey me out

But they met the jealous knave,
their master, coming in...

...who asked them once or twice,
what they had in their wheelie bin

I quaked for fear, lest the lunatic knave
should have searched it

But fate, ordaining he should be a cuckold,
held his hand

Well, on went he for a search,
and away went I for foul dregs

A man of my kidney.
think of that, Mister Brook...

...that am as subject to heat as butter,
stopped in with stinking swill and scrapings

Think of that, Mister Brook!
It was a miracle I scaped suffocation

And in the height of this bath, when I was
more than half stewed in my own grease...

...to be thrown into a canal, and cooled...

...glowing hot, into that surge,
like a horse-shoe

Think of that, hissing hot

Think of that, Mister Brook

In good sadness, I am sorry
that for my sake you have suffered all this

My suit then is desperate.
You'll undertake her no more?

Not so, Mister Brook

I will be thrown into Etna
ere I leave her thus

Her husband is tomorrow a-golfing

I have received from her
another embassy of meeting in the fore-noon

Come to me at your convenient leisure
in the afternoon...

...and you shall know how I speed

And the conclusion shall be crowned
with your enjoying her

You shall have her, Mister Brook.
Mister Brook, you shall cuckold Ford

Your bath is ready, sir

Thank you, my little red-breasted thingamajig

Adieu

Robin...

Is this a vision?

Is this a dream? Do I sleep?

Ford, awake!

Awake, Ford!

There's a hole made in your best coat

This is to be married!

Well, I will now take the lecher

He will be at my house, he cannot 'scape me

'Tis impossible he should

He cannot creep into a ha'penny purse,
nor into a pepper-box

But, lest the devil that guides him
should aid him...

...I'll search impossible places

Though what I am I cannot avoid...

...yet to be what I would not
shall not make me tame

If I have horns to make one mad...

...let the proverb go with me

I'll be horn-mad

Oh. My. God

I see I cannot get thy father's love

Therefore no more turn me to him,
sweet Anne

He doth object I am too great of birth

and that, my state being stung
by my expense...

...I seek to heal it only by his wealth

And tells me 'tis a thing impossible
that I should love thee but as a property

- Maybe he tells you true
- No, heaven so speed me in my time to come

Albeit, I will confess thy father's wealth...

...was the first motive
that I woo'd thee, Anne

Yet, wooing thee, I found thee of more value
than stamps...

...or gold, or sums in sealed bags

And 'tis the very riches of thyself
which now I aim at

Gentle Master Fenton,
yet seek my father's love. Still seek it, sir

If opportunity and humblest suit
cannot attain it, why, then...

Hark you, hither!

Mistress Quickly, break their talk.
My kinsman shall speak for himself

Hark ye, Anne

Master Slender would speak a word with you

I come to him.
This is my father's choice

And how does good Master Fenton?
Pray you, a word with you

To her, coz

I'm afeard

Mistress Anne

My cousin loves you

Ay, that I do,
as I love any woman in Windsor

- He will maintain you like a gentlewoman
- Ay, that I will

He will make you
a hundred and fifty pounds a year

Good Mister Shallow, let him woo for himself

I thank you for it.
I thank you for that good comfort

Coz, I'll leave you

- Now, Master Slender
- Now, good Mistress Anne

What is your will?

My will?

'Od's heartlings, that's a pretty jest
indeed! I ne'er made my will yet

I thank heaven, I'm not such
a sickly creature, I give heaven praise

I mean, Master Slender,
what would you with me?

Truly, for mine own part,
I would little or nothing with you

But your father and my cousin
have made motions

If it be my luck, so.
If not, happy man be his dole!

They can tell you how things go better
than I can

You may ask your father, here he comes

Now, son Slender. Love him, daughter Anne

Why, how now! What does Master Fenton here?

You wrong me, sir,
thus still to haunt my manor

I told you, sir, my daughter is disposed of

Nay, Mister Page, be not impatient

- Good Master Fenton, come not to my child
- She is no match for you

Sir, will you hear me?

No...

...good Master Fenton

Come, Shallow. Come, son Slender, in

Knowing my mind,
you wrong me, Master Fenton

Speak to Mistress Page

Good Mistress Page,
for that I love your daughter...

...in such a righteous fashion as I do...

Perchance, against all checks,
rebukes and manners...

...I must advance the colours of my love...

...and not retire.
Let me have your good will

Good mother, do not marry me
to yond fool, Master Slender

I mean it not.
I seek you a better husband

That's my master, Master Doctor

I had rather be buried alive in the earth
and bowled to death with turnips

Come, trouble not yourself

Good Master Fenton,
I will not be your enemy, nor friend

My daughter will I question
how she loves you...

...and as I find her, so am I affected

Till then, fare you well, sir

She must needs go in,
her father will be angry

Come on

Farewell, gentle mistress

Farewell, Anne

This is my doing, Master Fenton

"I will not be your enemy", this is my doing

I thank thee, and I pray thee,
once tonight give my sweet Anne this ring

Here's for thy pains

Now heaven send thee good fortune

A kind heart he hath

A woman would run through
fire and water for such a kind heart

Mistress Ford...

...your sorrow hath eaten up my sufferance

I see you are obsequious in your love,
and I profess requital to a hair's breadth

Not only, Mistress Ford,
in the simple office of love...

...but in all the accoutrement,
complement and ceremony of it

- But are you sure of your husband now?
- He's a-golfing, sweet Sir John

What, ho, Alice Ford! What, ho!

Step into the... Under the...
Behind the barbecue!

How now, sweetheart!

- Who's at home besides yourself?
- Why, no one

- Indeed?
- No, certainly

Speak louder

Truly, I am so glad you have nobody here

- Why?
- Why, woman...

...your husband is in his old lunes again

He so takes on yonder with my husband...

...so rails against all married mankind,
so curses all Eve's daughters...

...of what complexion soever,
and so buffets himself on the forehead...

...that any madness I ever yet beheld...

...seemed but tameness, civility and patience
to this distemper he is in now

I am so glad the fat knight is not here

- Why, does he talk of him?
- Of none but him

Swears he was carried out, the last time
he searched for him, in a wheelie bin

Protests to my husband he is here now...

...and hath drawn him
and the rest of their company...

...from their sport,
to make another experiment of his suspicion

But I am glad the knight is not here.
Now your husband will see his own foolery

- How near is he, Mistress Page?
- Hard by, at street end. He will be here anon

I am undone! The knight is here!

Why then, you are utterly shamed,
and he's but a dead man

What a woman are you!
Away with him, away with him!

Which way should he go?
How should I bestow him?

Shall I put him in the wheelie bin again?

No, I'll come no more in the wheelie bin!

May I not go out ere he come?

Alas, three of Mister Ford's brothers...

...watch the doors with pistols,
that none shall issue forth

Otherwise you might slip away ere he came

- What shall I do? Where shall I go?
- I know not, there is no hiding you

I'll go out then

If you go out in your own semblance,
you die, Sir John

- Unless...
- Unless...

- Unless?
- Unless you go out disguised

- How might we disguise him?
- Alas the day, I know not

There's no woman's gown big enough,
otherwise he might so escape

Good hearts, devise something.
Any extremity rather than a mischief

My maid's aunt, the fat woman of Brentwood,
has a gown above

On my word, it will serve him,
she's as big as he is. Run up, Sir John

We'll come dress you straight.
Put on the gown the while

My husband cannot abide
the fat woman of Brentwood

He swears she's a witch

Forbade her my house and hath threatened
to beat her if he finds her here

Heaven guide him to thy husband's cudgel,
and the devil guide his cudgel afterwards!

- But is my husband coming?
- He is

Right...

I'll appoint my men to wheel the bin again...

...to meet him at the door with it,
as they did last time...

...whilst you go dress Falstaff
like the witch of Brentwood

I will, dishonest varlet!
We cannot misuse him enough

Jan! Radek! Jan!

We'll leave a proof,
by that which we will do...

...wives may be merry, and yet honest too

Go, sirs, to the bin again

Your master is hard at door.
If he bid you open it, obey him

Stop, villains! Somebody call my wife.
O now shall the devil be shamed

What, wife, I say! Come, come forth!

- This is mad as a mad dog
- Come hither, Mistress Ford

Mistress Ford, the honest woman...

...the modest wife, the virtuous creature,
that hath the jealous fool to her husband

I suspect without cause, mistress, do I?

Heaven be my witness you do,
if you suspect me in any dishonesty

Well said, brazen-face! Hold it out

Come forth, sirrah

- This passes!
- Are you not ashamed? Morbleu!

- I shall find you anon
- 'Tis unreasonable, come away

- Empty the bin, I say!
- Why, man, why?

By my fidelity, this is not well, Mister
Ford, this wrongs--

Mister Page, as I am a man...

...there was one conveyed from my house
yesterday in this bin

Why may not he be there again?

In my house I am sure he is

My intelligence is true,
my jealousy is reasonable

Here is no man

Nom de dieu!

Mister Ford, you must pray, and not follow
the imaginations of your own heart

This is jealousies. The coals thereof
are fiery coals and a vehement flame

- He's not here I seek for
- No, nor nowhere else but in your brain

Help to search my house this one time

If I find not what I seek,
for ever let me be your table-sport

Satisfy me once more.
Once more search with me

What, ho, Mistress Page!
Come you and the old woman down

- My husband will come into the chamber
- Old woman! What old woman's that?

It is my maid, Elena Popescu, her aunt,
the fat woman of Brentwood

The fat woman of Brentwood!

- The witch!
- She's a witch?

You witch, you hag, you come down, I say!

Nay, good, sweet husband!

Good gentlemen,
let him not harass the old woman

Come, give me your hand Mother Popescu

- Popescu? I'll Popescu you!
- No, Mister Ford

Ford?

- Where is she?
- Have we killed her?

Elle a disparu, la sorcière

- Oh my god!
- Hang her, witch!

By yea and no, I think the woman is a witch

I like it not when a woman
has such hair upon her chest

Now, gentlemen, I beseech you, follow me.
See but the issue of my jealousy

- What?
- Falstaff is here

If I cry out thus upon no trail,
never trust me when I cry again

Let's obey his humour a little further.
Follow, gentlemen

He beat him most pitifully

Nay, by the mass, that he did not.
Methought he beat him most unpitifully

What think you?
May we, with the warrant of womanhood...

...and the witness of a good conscience...

...pursue him with any further revenge?

The spirit of wantonness is, sure,
scared out of him

He will never, I think, attempt us again

Get off

Shall we tell our husbands
how we have served him?

By all means, yes, if it be but to scrape
the figures out of your husband's brains

I'll warrant they'll have him publicly shamed

But if the unvirtuous fat knight
shall be any further afflicted...

- ...we two will still be the ministers
- We will

Come, to the forge with it then, shape it.
I would not have things cool

Forsooth, I would my master had
Mistress Anne...

...or I would Master Slender had her

Or, in sooth, I would Master Fenton had her

I will do what I can for them all three...

...for so I have promised,
and I'll be as good as my word

But speciously for Master Fenton

But now, I must of another errand
to Sir John Falstaff from my two mistresses

What a beast am I to slack it!

I don't believe it!

And did he send you both
these letters at an instant?

Within a quarter of an hour

Pardon me, wife

Henceforth do what thou wilt

I rather will suspect the sun with cold
than thee with wantonness

Now doth thy honour stand,
in him that was late an heretic...

...as firm as faith

'Tis well, 'tis well

All right, all right!

No more

But let our plot go forward

Let our wives yet once again,
to make us public sport...

...meet with this old fat fellow,
where we may take him and disgrace him for it

How shall he come to us?

They've sent him word
they'll meet him in the square at midnight

You say he's been thrown in the canal
and has been grievously beaten as a witch

Methinks there should be terrors in him
that he should not come

Methinks his flesh is punished...

...he shall have no desires

Devise but how you'll use him when he comes,
we have devised the way to bring him there

There is an old tale goes that Herne the
hunter, sometime a keeper here about the town...

...doth some midsummer eves,
at still midnight...

...walk round the square,
with great ragged horns

And there he cries and shakes a chain
in a most hideous and dreadful manner

Yeah, and there want not many that do fear
in deep of night to walk by that place

Boo!

- But what of this?
- Marry, this is our device

That Falstaff at that place
shall meet with us...

...disguised like Herne
with huge horns on his head

Well, let it not be doubted
but that he'll come, and in this shape

But when you have brought him thither,
what shall be done with him? What is your plot?

That likewise have we thought upon, and thus

Anne Page, my daughter, you my husband...

...nay, all of you...

Sir Hugh, the good Doctor, Mister Shallow...

when he's out of A&E...

All the fat Knight's discarded men,
our Hostess and the girl...

you'll dress like ghosts and spirits
and upon a sudden as Falstaff...

...she and I, are newly met,
look you rush out with some diffused cry

Upon your sight,
we two in great amazedness will fly

Then do you encircle him about...

...and ask him why that hour
he dares to walk the town in such a shape

And till he tell the truth,
then let you all torment him with your flares

The truth being known,
we'll then present ourselves...

...dis-horn the spirit,
and mock him till the dawn

Brilliant

We must be practised
and prepared well to this

- I shall assemble all the group
- That will be excellent. I'll go and buy us vizards

And I'll to him again in name of Brook

He'll tell us all his purpose.
I'm sure he'll come

Fear not you that

Go get us properties and tricking
for our company

Let us about it. It is admirable pleasures
and very honest knaveries

I have a thought that in this time...

...shall Master Slender steal my Anne away
and marry her tonight

Now must I to the Doctor

He hath my good will,
for none but he shall marry with Anne Page

That Slender, though well landed, is an idiot

And, he, my husband, best of all affects

The Doctor is well moneyed,
and his friends potent at court

He, none but he, shall have her

Hit it!

Oh, if it should come to the ear of the
court, how I have been transformed

And how my transformation
hath been cudgelled...

...they would melt me out of my fat,
drop by drop...

...and liquor fishermen's boots with me

I warrant they would whip me
with their fine wits...

...till I were as crest-fallen
as a dried pear

Well, if my wind were but long enough
to say my prayers...

...I would repent

Can I help you, Madam?

No, thank you so much

I'm just about to retire to my boudoir

Oh, you are awful

But I like you

Oh, you look lovely

- Where is Falstaff?
- Nay I know not

But there's a woman, a fat woman,
just gone into his chamber

A fat woman?

The knight might be robbed

I'll call

Bully knight! Bully Sir John! Art thou there?

Speak from thy lungs military

- 'Tis thine Hostess calls
- How now, mine Hostess!

Let thy fat woman come out, bully,
my chambers are honourable

There was, mine Hostess...

...an old wise woman
even now with me, but she's gone

- A wise woman?
- Ay, mine Hostess

One that hath taught me more
than ever I learned before in my life

Bardolph! Robin!

Now, whence come you?

>From the two parties, forsooth

The devil take one party
and his dam the other!

I have suffered more for their sakes...

...more than the villanous inconstancy
of man's disposition is able to bear

And have not they suffered?
Yes, I warrant you, speciously one of them

Mistress Ford, good heart,
is beaten black and blue

What tellest thou me of black and blue?

I was, myself, beaten into all the colours
of the rainbow

And but that my
admirable dexterity of wit...

...my counterfeiting the action
of an old woman, delivered me...

...I was like to be set in the stocks,
in the common stocks, by a constable...

...for the old witch of Brentwood

Sir, let me speak, and you shall hear
how things go, and, I warrant, to your content

Here is a letter will say somewhat

Good hearts,
what ado is here to bring you together!

Sure, one of you does not serve heaven well,
that you are so crossed

Yes...

'Tis all set, and I will do what I can
to get you a pair of horns

This is the third time,
I hope good luck lies in odd numbers

Away. Time wears.
Hold up your head and mince

Bless you, sir

How now, Mister Brook! Mister Brook,
the matter will be known to-night, or never

Be you in the square about midnight,
and you shall see wonders

Went you not to her yesterday, sir,
as you told me you had appointed?

I went to her, Mister Brook, as you see,
like a poor old man

But I came from her, Mister Brook,
like a poor old woman

That same knave Ford, her husband...

...hath the finest mad devil of jealousy in
him, Mister Brook, that ever governed frenzy

I'll tell you all, Mister Brook.
I'll tell you strange things of this knave Ford...

...on whom tonight I will be revenged...

...and I will deliver his wife
into your hands

Strange things afoot, Mister Brook!
Strange things afoot

How now, good Mistress Hostess

Talk not to me, Master Fenton,
my mind is heavy

Yet hear me speak, assist me in my purpose

And, as I am a gentleman,
I'll give thee one hundred pounds in gold

I will hear thee, Master Fenton

- Oh, I like your glasses
- Yes

>From time to time I have acquainted you
with the dear love I bear to fair Anne Page...

...who mutually hath answered my affection,
even to my wish

I have a letter from her of such contents
as you will wonder at, the mirth whereof...

...so mingled with my matter, that neither
singly can be manifested, without the show of both

Fat Falstaff hath a great scene.
The image of the jest I'll show you here at large

Hark, good Hostess

This midnight in the square,
just 'twixt twelve and one...

...must my sweet Anne present a ghostly scene

The purpose why, is here. In which disguise,
while other jests are something rank on foot...

...her father hath commanded her
to slip away with Slender...

...and with him away, immediately to marry

She hath consented

Now, mistress, her mother, ever strong
against that match and firm for Doctor Caius...

...hath appointed that he shall likewise
shuffle her away...

...while other sports
are tasking of their minds

And at the deanery, where a priest attends,
straight marry her

To this her mother's plot she seemingly
obedient likewise hath made promise to the Doctor

Now, thus it rests.
Her father means she shall be all in white

And in that shade, when Slender sees his time
to take her by the hand and bid her go...

...she shall go with him

Her mother hath intended,
the better to denote her to the Doctor...

...for they must all be masked
and vizarded...

...that quaint in green she shall be loose
enrobed...

...and when the Doctor spies
his vantage ripe...

...to pinch her by the hand, and, on that
token, the maid hath given consent to go with him

Which means she to deceive, father or mother?

Both, my good Hostess, to go along with me

Now, thus it rests...

Oh no! Put 'em back on

...that you'll procure the vicar...

...to stay for me at church
'twixt twelve and one

And, in the lawful name of marrying,
to give our hearts united ceremony

Well, husband your device, I'll to the vicar

Bring you the maid,
you shall not lack a priest

So shall I evermore be bound to thee.
Besides, I'll make thee a present recompense

Cousin, cousin!

It's me

Right we'll couch far off
till we see the others all are come

- Remember, son Slender, my daughter
- Ay, forsooth

I have spoke with her and we have
a code-word how to know one another

I come to her in white and cry "mum"...

...and she cries "budget".
And by that we know one another

"Mum"? "Budget"?

What need you that?
The white will decipher her well enough

- It hath struck ten
- Heaven prosper our sport

No man means evil but the devil,
and we shall know him by his horns

Come, gentlemen, let's away

- Good Doctor, my daughter is in green
- Green

When you see your time,
take her by the hand...

...away with her to the deanery,
and dispatch it quickly

I know what I have to do

Go before us into the square,
we two must go together

- Adieu
- Fare you well, sir

My husband will not rejoice so much
at the abuse of Falstaff...

...as he will chafe
at the Doctor's marrying my daughter

But 'tis no matter. Better a little chiding
than a great deal of heartbreak

Where is Anne now and her troop of ghosts,
and the Welsh phantom Hugh?

They are gone to couch themselves
around the square, with obscured lights

Which, at the very instant of
Falstaff's and our meeting...

...they will at once display to the night

That cannot choose but amaze him

If he be not amazed, he will be mocked.
If he be amazed, he will every way be mocked

We'll betray him finely

Against such lewdsters and their lechery,
those that betray them do no treachery

- The hour draws on. To the square!
- Tally ho

The church bell hath struck twelve,
the minute draws on

Now, the hot-blooded gods assist me!

Remember, Jove, thou wast a bull
for thy Europa

Love set on thy horns

O powerful love, that, in some respects
makes a beast a man

In some other...

...a man a beast

For me, I am here a rutting stag

And I think the fattest in the forest

Send me a cool rut-time, Jove,
or who can blame me to piss my tallow?

But who comes here? My doe?

Sir John! Art thou there?

My deer? My male deer?

My doe with the black scut!

Let the sky rain potatoes...

...let it thunder
to the tune of Greensleeves...

Hail kissing-comfits and snow eringoes...

...let there come a tempest of provocation

I will shelter me here

Mistress Page is come with me, sweetheart

Divide me like a bribed buck,
each a haunch...

...and my horns I bequeath your husbands

Why, now is Cupid a child of conscience,
he makes restitution

Am I a woodman, ha?

Speak I like Herne the hunter?

As I am a true spirit, welcome!

- Alas, what noise?
- Heaven forgive our sins

- What should this be?
- Away, away!

I think the devil will not have me damned...

...lest the oil that's in me
should set hell on fire

He would never else cross me thus

Spirits, black, grey, green, and white...

...you moonshine revellers
and shades of night

You orphan heirs of fixed destiny...

...attend your office and your quality

These are ghosts!
And he that speaks to them must die

I'll wink and crouch.
No man their works must eye

But, stay, I smell a man of middle-earth

Vile worm,
thou wast o'erlooked even in thy birth

With trial-fire touch me his lower-end

If he be chaste, the flame will back descend,
and turn him to no pain

But if he start,
it is the flesh of a corrupted heart

- A trial, come
- Come, will this wood take fire?

Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted with desire

Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted with desire

Run!

Pray you, hold up the jest no higher

Now, good Sir John,
how like you Windsor wives?

Now, sir, who's a cuckold now?

Mister Brook,
Falstaff's a knave, a cuckoldly knave

Here are his horns, Mister Brook

And, Mister Brook...

...he hath enjoyed nothing
of Ford's, except...

...his wheelie bin, his cudgel,
and this hour upon that stone

Sweet Sir John, we have had ill luck,
we could never meet

I will never take you for my love again...

...but I will always count you my deer

I do begin to perceive that I am made an ass

And these are not spirits

I was three or four times
in the thought they were not

And yet the guiltiness of my mind,
the sudden surprise of my powers...

...drove the grossness of this foppery...

...into a received belief,
in despite of the teeth of all rhyme and reason

See now how wit may be made a Jack-a-Lent...

...when 'tis upon ill employment

Sir John Falstaff, serve God,
leave your desires...

...and spirits will not haunt you

- Well said, Sir Hugh
- And leave your jealousies too, I pray you

I will never mistrust my wife again
till thou art able to woo her in good English

English? Dim gwerth rhech dafad!

He's Welsh...

Sir John Falstaff,
you are given to fornications...

...and taverns and sack and wine
and metheglins...

...and drinkings and swearings
and starings and pribbles...

...and prabbles

Am I ridden with a Welsh goat too?

To stand at the taunt of one
that make fritters of English?

Well, I am your theme.
You have the start of me

I am dejected

I am not able to answer this Welsh flannel

Use me as you will

Marry, sir, let that you have suffered
be biting affliction enough

Yet be cheerful, knight

Thou shalt drink a posset
tonight at my house...

...where I will desire thee to laugh at my
wife, who now laughs at thee

Tell her...

Master Slender hath married her daughter

Doctors doubt that

Whoa ho, father Page

Son, how now! How now, son!
Have you dispatched?

- Dispatched! There's a word for it!
- For what, son?

I came yonder to the church
to marry Mistress Anne Page, and she's...

...Simple, my serving man

If it hadn't been in the church,
I would have swinged you

- Upon my life, then, you took the wrong
- What need you tell me that?

I think so, when I took a boy for a girl.
For this apparel I might have married him

This is your own folly!

Did not I tell you how you should know
my daughter by her garments?

I came to her in white, cried "mum"...

...and she cried "budget",
as Anne and I had appointed

And yet it was not Anne, but... him

Good George, be not angry

I knew of your purpose
and turned my daughter into green

And, indeed, she is now with the Doctor
at the deanery, and there married

Where is Mistress Page?
By gar, I am cozened

I have married un garçon, it is not Anne Page

By gar, I am cozened

Why, took you her in green?

Oui, by gar!
It's not an 'er, it's an 'im

It's a Nym

My name is Nym

And we are married

This is strange. Who hath the right Anne?

My heart misgives me.
Here comes Master Fenton

How do you, Master Fenton!

Pardon, good father!
Good my mother, pardon!

Now, good mistress, how chance you went not
with Master Slender?

- Why went you not with the Doctor, maid?
- You do afright her. Hear the truth of it

You would have married her most shamefully...

...where there was no proportion held in love

The truth is, she and I,
long since contracted...

...are now so sure that nothing
can dissolve us

The offence is holy that she hath committed

And this deceit loses the name of craft,
of disobedience, or unduteous title...

...since therein she doth evitate and shun
a thousand irreligious cursed hours...

...that forced marriage
would have brought upon her

Stand not afraid, here is no remedy

In love the heavens themselves
do guide the state

Money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate

I am glad, though you have ta'en
a special stand to strike at me...

...that your arrows have glanced

When night-dogs run,
all sorts of deer are chased

Out!

What cannot be eschewed must be embraced

Fenton!

Heaven give thee joy

And I will muse no further neither

Good Master Fenton.
Heaven grant you many, many merry days

Good husband, let us every one go home...

...and laugh this sport o'er a country fire

- Sir John and all
- Let it be so, Sir John

To Mister Brook you yet shall hold
your word...

...for he tonight shall lie
with Mistress Ford