All language subtitles for Everybody.Loves.Raymond.S03E23.Be.Nice.720p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-BS

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,170 --> 00:00:05,304 - Debra, where's the paper? 2 00:00:05,306 --> 00:00:07,673 Yeah, yeah. Put her in a bikini! 3 00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:10,109 - You brought the paper in. Where'd you put it? 4 00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:11,110 - Honey, I'm on the phone. 5 00:00:11,112 --> 00:00:14,346 I saw a bathing suit that would be perfect for you. 6 00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:15,748 - Could you just point to the paper? 7 00:00:15,750 --> 00:00:18,484 - Would you stop? I'm on the phone. 8 00:00:18,486 --> 00:00:19,785 - In the amount of time it took you to say that, 9 00:00:19,787 --> 00:00:22,354 You can tell me where the paper is. 10 00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:25,090 - Yeah, it's just my husband. 11 00:00:25,092 --> 00:00:27,426 - Well, who's that? 12 00:00:27,428 --> 00:00:29,161 - It's jason's mom from school, okay? 13 00:00:29,163 --> 00:00:31,296 - You don't even know her name. 14 00:00:31,298 --> 00:00:32,398 Tell me her name. 15 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:33,632 - Shh! 16 00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:35,267 Yeah, I have the catalog here somewhere. 17 00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:36,802 - Oh, so you're looking for something 18 00:00:36,804 --> 00:00:38,370 For somebody you don't even know. 19 00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:41,306 Where's my paper? 20 00:00:41,308 --> 00:00:42,508 - Yeah. Here. I've got the catalog. 21 00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:44,243 You know what? 22 00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:45,711 I'll give it to you when I see you at the book fair. 23 00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:47,079 Okay? Okay. Bye-bye. 24 00:00:47,081 --> 00:00:50,249 God! You are impossible! 25 00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:52,117 I can't talk on the phone for two minutes 26 00:00:52,119 --> 00:00:54,620 Without you interrupting me. 27 00:00:54,622 --> 00:00:56,088 - Where's the paper? 28 00:00:58,758 --> 00:01:00,059 - Forget the paper. 29 00:01:00,061 --> 00:01:01,293 You're taking the kids to the park. 30 00:01:01,295 --> 00:01:05,564 - Wh-whoa. Whoa. Whoa. When did that happen? 31 00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:07,232 - Last night, you said you'd take the kids to the park 32 00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:08,767 So that I could clean up around here 33 00:01:08,769 --> 00:01:10,803 And, you know, lay down for a few minutes today. 34 00:01:10,805 --> 00:01:16,608 - When you were watching your stupid whatever show. 35 00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:21,080 - "sportscenter"? 36 00:01:21,082 --> 00:01:23,148 - Yes. I asked you, and you said okay. 37 00:01:23,150 --> 00:01:27,786 Or did I say, "okay, okay, okay"? 38 00:01:27,788 --> 00:01:29,455 - What, so you're not gonna take them? 39 00:01:29,457 --> 00:01:30,789 - [sighs] 40 00:01:32,725 --> 00:01:35,327 How much time do you need? 41 00:01:35,329 --> 00:01:38,497 - I want an hour and a half. 42 00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:41,567 - All right, but I'm back here in an hour and a half. 43 00:01:41,569 --> 00:01:43,735 The hour and a half includes travel time. 44 00:01:43,737 --> 00:01:45,537 - Okay, fine. Just go, okay? 45 00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:46,839 - Okay. All right. 46 00:01:46,841 --> 00:01:51,343 The hour and a half starts right now. 47 00:01:51,345 --> 00:01:53,712 Okay. I'm just gonna go put on my sneakers. 48 00:02:13,666 --> 00:02:15,667 - Uh, hi. Do you know what time it is? 49 00:02:15,669 --> 00:02:17,669 - Uh, let's see. 50 00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:20,439 It's 11 1/2 minutes since I put on my sneakers. 51 00:02:20,441 --> 00:02:23,175 It's about 3:00. 52 00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:24,209 - Thanks. 53 00:02:24,211 --> 00:02:25,811 - I'm elise. 54 00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:28,180 We've seen the kids here with your wife, debra, right? 55 00:02:28,182 --> 00:02:29,781 - Right. - Is she okay? 56 00:02:29,783 --> 00:02:31,350 - Yeah. She's taking a nap. 57 00:02:34,721 --> 00:02:38,524 - She gets to nap? 58 00:02:38,526 --> 00:02:41,727 - And you're watching all three kids? 59 00:02:41,729 --> 00:02:45,297 - Well, I am their father, you know. 60 00:02:49,636 --> 00:02:50,836 - Wow. 61 00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:53,305 - You could teach my husband a thing or two. 62 00:02:53,307 --> 00:02:56,575 - Well, have him call me, and I'll set up some lessons. 63 00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:01,480 - It's so great the way 64 00:03:01,482 --> 00:03:05,717 I mean, my husband would rather just sit and watch sports. 65 00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:09,755 - Yeah. Ha-ha. Sports. 66 00:03:09,757 --> 00:03:12,958 Sports is sports, you know, but... 67 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:15,294 They grow up so quickly. 68 00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:23,435 - The ice cream truck, daddy! Can we have some? 69 00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:24,937 - Oh, well, let's see. 70 00:03:24,939 --> 00:03:29,608 You had all your lunch today, so okeydokey. 71 00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:30,909 Anyone else want some ice cream? 72 00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:33,345 - You know, I was gonna get some, so I'll go. 73 00:03:33,347 --> 00:03:35,247 - Oh. - Come on, justin. 74 00:03:35,249 --> 00:03:36,548 - Oh, you know what? He's playing, so let him stay. 75 00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:37,716 I'll watch him. 76 00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:38,884 - You sure you don't mind? 77 00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:42,387 - Ah, what's one more? 78 00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:44,856 - Thanks. - Yeah. 79 00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:46,458 You tell them rascals 80 00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:48,227 We're fixing to get some italian ices. 81 00:03:48,229 --> 00:03:51,897 [mocks spitting] 82 00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:54,266 - Oh, darn, this wheel. - No, here, let me get it. 83 00:03:54,268 --> 00:03:55,667 - It keeps falling off. No, that's okay. 84 00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:57,669 - No, no. It's no trouble. 85 00:03:57,671 --> 00:03:59,404 It should just pop back on. 86 00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:00,606 I've seen these. 87 00:04:00,608 --> 00:04:02,007 - Oh, hi, there, debra. - Hi. 88 00:04:02,009 --> 00:04:03,809 - Oh, hi. 89 00:04:03,811 --> 00:04:06,011 - Haley! No, no, honey, we don't eat sand. 90 00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:08,380 Excuse me. Thanks, ray. 91 00:04:08,382 --> 00:04:11,416 - Yeah. Don't thank me yet. I haven't fixed it. 92 00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:12,684 - What are you doing? 93 00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:16,021 What are you doing here? You're supposed to be sleeping. 94 00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:17,789 - Yeah, well, you forgot the twins' jackets. 95 00:04:17,791 --> 00:04:19,925 It's cold out. - It's not cold. 96 00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:22,494 - Yeah. You're wearing a jacket. 97 00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:26,698 - There you go. Okay. Good as new. 98 00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:28,433 - Wow. Thanks. 99 00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:30,435 He is so helpful. Where did you find him? 100 00:04:33,906 --> 00:04:37,676 - He's a... Gift from heaven. 101 00:04:39,979 --> 00:04:41,947 - Nice meeting you, ray, and thanks again. 102 00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:43,949 - Okay. No problem. 103 00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:45,917 - [sighs] 104 00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:47,586 - Oh, hey, justin, 105 00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:49,521 Your mother's gonna be right back, okay? 106 00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:50,889 - Where is she? 107 00:04:50,891 --> 00:04:52,024 - She's over there. 108 00:04:52,026 --> 00:04:53,925 I'm keeping an eye on justin for her. 109 00:04:53,927 --> 00:04:57,929 - You're watching additional children? 110 00:04:57,931 --> 00:04:59,731 - Here we go. Oh, hey, debra. - Hi. 111 00:04:59,733 --> 00:05:01,333 - I got everybody popsicles. 112 00:05:01,335 --> 00:05:02,934 - Oh, great. 113 00:05:02,936 --> 00:05:06,905 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. 5 popsicles. 114 00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:08,340 - Thanks for watching justin, ray. 115 00:05:08,342 --> 00:05:10,842 - Pleasure, elise. 116 00:05:10,844 --> 00:05:12,377 - You better hang on to him, debra. 117 00:05:12,379 --> 00:05:14,613 Come on, justin! 118 00:05:14,615 --> 00:05:16,715 - See you later, justin! 119 00:05:17,884 --> 00:05:19,584 Well, you know, this is silly. 120 00:05:19,586 --> 00:05:20,919 We don't both need to be here. 121 00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:22,754 Maybe one of us should-- I don't know-- 122 00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:25,924 Go home and watch the ball game. 123 00:05:31,864 --> 00:05:33,432 - I don't think you want to go yet. 124 00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:35,367 You're gonna miss the awards ceremony. 125 00:05:35,369 --> 00:05:36,635 - Huh? 126 00:05:36,637 --> 00:05:37,869 - Yeah. 127 00:05:37,871 --> 00:05:39,438 And the winner for best performance 128 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:41,340 As a husband goes to... 129 00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:44,710 [gasps] 130 00:05:44,712 --> 00:05:47,913 Ray barone for "mr. Fantastic visits a park"! 131 00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:51,116 Yay! 132 00:05:53,986 --> 00:05:55,787 - Oh, I have nothing prepared. 133 00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:06,365 I was thinking about 134 00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:07,632 What we said at the park, and you know what? 135 00:06:07,634 --> 00:06:09,000 It's true. 136 00:06:09,002 --> 00:06:11,136 We are nicer to other people, even strangers, 137 00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:14,406 Than we are to each other. 138 00:06:14,408 --> 00:06:16,608 - Yeah. 139 00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:18,944 So? 140 00:06:18,946 --> 00:06:22,647 Maybe we could both be a little nicer to each other. 141 00:06:22,649 --> 00:06:26,518 - Oh. Okay...Sure. 142 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:30,021 You'll be nicer? 143 00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:32,524 - Yes, and you could be nicer to me. 144 00:06:32,526 --> 00:06:34,826 - Oh. Okay. 145 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,969 Like how? 146 00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:45,103 - Oh, nothing, 147 00:06:45,105 --> 00:06:47,672 Just, uh, a little more consideration. 148 00:06:47,674 --> 00:06:49,841 You know? Appreciation. 149 00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:51,676 - Oh. Okay. 150 00:06:51,678 --> 00:06:52,944 - It's just the little things. 151 00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:55,480 You know, manners-- pleases and thank-yous. 152 00:06:55,482 --> 00:06:56,915 - Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. 153 00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:59,751 - Yeah. Just a little courtesy, you know? 154 00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,820 Like maybe you can compliment me once in a while. 155 00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:03,121 - I give you compliments. 156 00:07:03,123 --> 00:07:04,723 - No, you don't. 157 00:07:04,725 --> 00:07:06,158 I always have to ask, say, "how do I look?" 158 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:09,428 Or, you know, "what did you think of dinner?" 159 00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:25,744 - So...Unassisted compliments, huh? 160 00:07:25,746 --> 00:07:27,846 - Yeah. - Okay. 161 00:07:27,848 --> 00:07:30,916 This being nice thing is a two-way street. 162 00:07:30,918 --> 00:07:33,718 What would you like from me? 163 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:35,554 - Well, you could be a little more polite-- 164 00:07:35,556 --> 00:07:38,457 You know, like, uh, 165 00:07:38,459 --> 00:07:40,592 Not call me "idiot." 166 00:07:44,063 --> 00:07:46,865 - Okay. That's fair. - Yeah. 167 00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:47,866 - No more "idiot." 168 00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:49,634 - Okay. 169 00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,803 - What would you like to be called? 170 00:07:56,909 --> 00:07:59,144 - Sweetie? 171 00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:01,580 - Seriously? 172 00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:03,949 - I don't know. Try it. 173 00:08:03,951 --> 00:08:06,184 - Okay...Sweetie. 174 00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:08,987 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sweetie. Yeah. 175 00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:10,722 Yeah. Thank you. 176 00:08:10,724 --> 00:08:12,557 - You're welcome. 177 00:08:12,559 --> 00:08:13,925 Oh, you know what? One more thing. 178 00:08:13,927 --> 00:08:16,761 I was just thinking that we could maybe 179 00:08:16,763 --> 00:08:20,932 Not interrupt each other when we're on the phone, okay? 180 00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:23,134 - Right, right, or, like, 181 00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:25,871 If we're on the phone and I ask for something, 182 00:08:25,873 --> 00:08:29,074 We could take the time just to say, "hold on, please," 183 00:08:29,076 --> 00:08:32,210 And tell me where it is in the same amount of time 184 00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:35,580 That it would take to say, "I'm on the phone." 185 00:08:35,582 --> 00:08:38,116 Just like that. Do that. 186 00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:41,186 - Okay. Yeah. 187 00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:44,656 Or...Like, when we're having a baby together 188 00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:47,192 And I'm in labor, 189 00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:49,828 You could maybe help me to the car 190 00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:51,863 Instead of looking for magazines you want to flip through 191 00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,665 While you're at the hospital. 192 00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:07,712 - Okay. 193 00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:10,181 And you'll work on the phone thing. 194 00:09:12,118 --> 00:09:13,318 - Right. - Okay. 195 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,186 - Right. - Okay. All right. 196 00:09:15,188 --> 00:09:16,721 Ah! There it is. There it is. See? 197 00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,957 - You just called me an idiot again. 198 00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:20,191 - I did not. 199 00:09:20,193 --> 00:09:22,260 - Yes, you did-- with your eyes. 200 00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:24,729 Yes, I know the shorthand of it. 201 00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,264 - All right, fine. 202 00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:29,734 - Yeah. Buh buh buh! 203 00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:32,170 - What, ray? I wasn't gonna roll my eyes. 204 00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:33,672 - You sure? 205 00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:36,074 - Yes, I'm sure. 206 00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,742 - All right. 207 00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,244 - Good night. - Good night. 208 00:09:40,947 --> 00:09:42,747 I heard that. 209 00:09:49,121 --> 00:09:50,922 Hey, huck-a-poo. 210 00:09:54,093 --> 00:09:55,794 - Hey, listen, ray, 211 00:09:55,796 --> 00:09:57,796 Thanks for taking that stuff over to the book fair. 212 00:09:57,798 --> 00:09:59,731 - Oh, you're welcome. 213 00:09:59,733 --> 00:10:00,966 I think it's great that you're doing this. 214 00:10:00,968 --> 00:10:04,135 - Oh. You know what? 215 00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:06,071 That makes all the difference. 216 00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:08,873 Ohh! 217 00:10:08,875 --> 00:10:10,375 Just to be acknowledged. 218 00:10:10,377 --> 00:10:13,345 You're acknowledging me. That's nice! 219 00:10:13,347 --> 00:10:15,013 - Well, thanks. Nice to be nice. 220 00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:18,016 - Yeah. 221 00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:19,951 Okay. I'm gonna check on dinner. 222 00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:22,721 - Okay. 223 00:10:22,723 --> 00:10:25,156 You know, I still need you to box up all these books, okay? 224 00:10:30,930 --> 00:10:32,097 - Sure. 225 00:10:32,099 --> 00:10:33,965 Sure. Pleasure. 226 00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,101 - Thanks. 227 00:10:36,103 --> 00:10:37,402 - What are we having for dinner? 228 00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:41,272 - Fish. - Great! Good. Great. 229 00:10:41,274 --> 00:10:45,844 And I enjoyed them so much that I, uh--yeah. 230 00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:48,213 I was just saying, 231 00:10:48,215 --> 00:10:52,083 "I can't wait to have fish right away again." 232 00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:53,985 - Oh, ray, that's okay. 233 00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:55,820 If you don't want the fish, you don't have to have it. 234 00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:57,722 What else would you like? - Really? 235 00:11:04,764 --> 00:11:07,332 Anything else. 236 00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,034 - Okay. 237 00:11:09,036 --> 00:11:11,036 - Really? - Yeah. 238 00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:13,371 - This is nice. 239 00:11:13,373 --> 00:11:14,806 This is great. 240 00:11:14,808 --> 00:11:16,107 - You want books? 241 00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:18,777 They're all yours! 242 00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:23,014 - Nothing dad likes better than getting rid of knowledge. 243 00:11:28,287 --> 00:11:30,989 - Hey, ray, how come you're not watching the game? 244 00:11:30,991 --> 00:11:32,891 - What game? 245 00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:34,125 - You've got the dish. 246 00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:36,428 Somebody's hitting something somewhere. 247 00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:39,164 - Whoa! Whoa! Let me get that for you. 248 00:11:39,166 --> 00:11:40,865 - Oh, thanks. - There you go. 249 00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:42,701 And if there's anything else you need, let me know. 250 00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:44,035 - Okay. 251 00:11:48,841 --> 00:11:51,710 - What happened? 252 00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:53,211 - Nothing. 253 00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:56,715 - Come on. Who are you kidding? 254 00:11:56,717 --> 00:12:01,820 "if there's anything else you need, let me know." 255 00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:06,725 She's got your dice in a vice. 256 00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:12,263 - Frank, you took all my books. 257 00:12:12,265 --> 00:12:13,865 Where are all my books? 258 00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:15,266 - You never look at those. 259 00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:20,438 - Oh! My high school yearbook, frank? 260 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:22,474 I want this. 261 00:12:22,476 --> 00:12:24,976 - Well, I don't want it in the house. 262 00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:27,746 It's depressing. 263 00:12:27,748 --> 00:12:29,147 - What are you talking about? 264 00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:31,282 I look beautiful in those pictures. 265 00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:33,384 - That's what's depressing. 266 00:12:37,123 --> 00:12:38,256 - Here you go. 267 00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:39,324 - What's this? 268 00:12:39,326 --> 00:12:40,525 - Ginger ale. 269 00:12:40,527 --> 00:12:42,260 - For me? - Yeah. 270 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:47,065 I made you a nice, big, juicy turkey sandwich for dinner. 271 00:12:47,067 --> 00:12:49,934 - Thanks. 272 00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:51,469 - You're welcome, sweetie. 273 00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:54,105 - Sweetie. [chuckles] 274 00:13:01,981 --> 00:13:06,417 - All right, really, what's going on here? 275 00:13:06,419 --> 00:13:08,386 - Nothing, we're just trying 276 00:13:08,388 --> 00:13:10,355 To be a little bit nicer to each other. 277 00:13:10,357 --> 00:13:11,856 - Nice? 278 00:13:11,858 --> 00:13:14,893 I tried it once. Didn't care for it. 279 00:13:17,563 --> 00:13:20,198 - Did the same thing happen with smart? 280 00:13:26,505 --> 00:13:28,406 - We could all be a little nicer to each other. 281 00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:31,309 I mean, doesn't your own family deserve the best of you? 282 00:13:37,950 --> 00:13:41,886 - You know, I think debra's right. 283 00:13:41,888 --> 00:13:43,888 You have to be kind. 284 00:13:43,890 --> 00:13:45,890 That's how I try to spend my life. 285 00:13:45,892 --> 00:13:50,829 Kindness--that's always been my motto. 286 00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:52,463 - Hmm... 287 00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:57,969 That's a slightly different motto than, "bah bah bah bah!" 288 00:14:06,478 --> 00:14:10,415 - So kindness isn't just what you say. 289 00:14:10,417 --> 00:14:13,251 Sometimes it's what you don't say. 290 00:14:13,253 --> 00:14:14,986 I mean, it's like, for instance, 291 00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:16,855 Most of my friends, you know, 292 00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:20,625 They do nothing but criticize their daughters-in-law. 293 00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:23,027 Me? No. 294 00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:25,196 I hold my tongue. 295 00:14:27,633 --> 00:14:30,001 Because restraint is important. 296 00:14:30,003 --> 00:14:32,604 Right, dear? 297 00:14:32,606 --> 00:14:35,306 - Yes. 298 00:14:35,308 --> 00:14:37,408 - Ah, cut the crap! 299 00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:39,544 You're playing with fire here. 300 00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:42,914 You got to let steam off on each other, 301 00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:46,284 Because if you let it off on a stranger, he gets mad. 302 00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:49,354 He punches you. You punch him. 303 00:14:49,356 --> 00:14:51,155 He pulls a knife. You pull a gun. 304 00:14:51,157 --> 00:14:53,958 Guys jump in. Wars start. It's a mess! 305 00:14:55,594 --> 00:14:59,430 The spouse is the perfect escape valve. 306 00:15:01,533 --> 00:15:04,402 - He read that at our wedding. 307 00:15:06,272 --> 00:15:09,073 - Okay, thanks for stopping by. 308 00:15:11,010 --> 00:15:14,078 - Billy smith, frank. Billy smith. Look. 309 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,314 "have a great summer." 310 00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:19,217 I could have married billy smith. 311 00:15:19,219 --> 00:15:21,319 - There's still time. 312 00:15:23,289 --> 00:15:25,156 - Robert, you're a policeman. 313 00:15:25,158 --> 00:15:26,925 Try to find billy smith. 314 00:15:26,927 --> 00:15:29,494 And it doesn't have to be this billy smith. 315 00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:38,202 - Listen, I didn't want to get involved 316 00:15:38,204 --> 00:15:41,472 In your little experiment here, 317 00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:44,008 But actually I think dad has a good point. 318 00:15:44,010 --> 00:15:46,411 - Oh, you can't possibly think that's healthy. 319 00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:48,079 - Wait. Let me finish. 320 00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:50,682 There is such a thing as too nice. 321 00:15:50,684 --> 00:15:55,420 - Take it from the divorced man. 322 00:15:55,422 --> 00:15:57,255 You know, I was nice to joanne 323 00:15:57,257 --> 00:15:59,590 Every single day of our marriage. 324 00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:02,994 I was nice right up to the day she walked out on me. 325 00:16:02,996 --> 00:16:06,264 I carried her bags out to the car. 326 00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:08,967 I still even send her a birthday card. 327 00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:11,102 And you know what I got for it? 328 00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:13,504 Spastic colon. 329 00:16:27,086 --> 00:16:29,387 Make of it what you will. 330 00:16:29,389 --> 00:16:31,189 [burps] 331 00:16:34,259 --> 00:16:35,660 Good night. 332 00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:45,136 - You know they're wrong, ray. 333 00:16:45,138 --> 00:16:46,471 - I know. Come on. 334 00:16:46,473 --> 00:16:48,206 What are we listening to them for? 335 00:16:48,208 --> 00:16:50,308 Why is it that the last people who should talk 336 00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:53,411 Are always my relatives? 337 00:16:53,413 --> 00:16:55,013 - Come on. Your sandwich is ready. 338 00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:56,614 Let's go eat. - Okay. 339 00:16:56,616 --> 00:16:57,749 Where are the kids? 340 00:16:57,751 --> 00:16:59,350 - They're at the parkers'. 341 00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:01,052 - Oh, I love turkey. 342 00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:04,622 - Yeah. You want some chips? 343 00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:07,258 - No. Just your sandwich. 344 00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:10,428 Yes! 345 00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:16,300 - How is it? 346 00:17:18,404 --> 00:17:20,304 - It's great. 347 00:17:20,306 --> 00:17:23,041 Do we have chips? 348 00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:26,611 - Yeah, sure. 349 00:17:26,613 --> 00:17:28,112 Why? What's the matter? 350 00:17:28,114 --> 00:17:30,181 - No, nothing. 351 00:17:30,183 --> 00:17:32,150 There something new in here? Something new? 352 00:17:32,152 --> 00:17:33,518 - Oh, yeah. 353 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:34,752 Yeah, I made my own dressing yesterday. 354 00:17:34,754 --> 00:17:36,154 - Hmm! - You like it? 355 00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:39,424 - I--you know, I think it's marvelous 356 00:17:39,426 --> 00:17:41,459 That you're trying the new dressings, yeah. 357 00:17:41,461 --> 00:17:44,629 - Wait a minute. What is that? 358 00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:46,664 - What? Nice. 359 00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:49,100 - No, no, no. That's not nice. 360 00:17:49,102 --> 00:17:52,336 That's, like, fake nice. That's your mom. 361 00:17:52,338 --> 00:17:56,474 - All right, all right, now, that's not nice right there. 362 00:17:56,476 --> 00:17:59,243 - Come on, ray, don't patronize me, okay? 363 00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:01,345 If you don't like my dressing, just say so. 364 00:18:01,347 --> 00:18:03,714 I'm fine with honesty. 365 00:18:03,716 --> 00:18:06,617 - You're fine if I tell you that it's bad? 366 00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:08,252 - Well, yes, because that's-- 367 00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:10,588 What do you mean it's bad? 368 00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:12,824 - I didn't say that it was bad. 369 00:18:12,826 --> 00:18:15,526 I said, "you're fine if I say that it's bad?" 370 00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:16,727 - Oh, don't give me that crap. 371 00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:18,830 Why don't you just say you hate it? 372 00:18:18,832 --> 00:18:20,598 - All right, look, maybe I'm wrong, 373 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,733 But I don't think this is a sandwich problem. 374 00:18:22,735 --> 00:18:25,436 I think somebody's letting off a little steam at me. 375 00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:26,237 - Well, you know what? 376 00:18:26,239 --> 00:18:27,438 I think I have the right 377 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:28,840 To let off a little steam at you, 378 00:18:28,842 --> 00:18:30,508 Because I made some fish, and you didn't want that, 379 00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:32,143 And then I make you this special sandwich, 380 00:18:32,145 --> 00:18:33,611 And now you're having a problem with that! 381 00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:35,446 - I didn't say I had a problem with it, all right? 382 00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:36,781 I'm just trying to be nice! 383 00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:39,684 - Yeah, fake nice. - What's the difference? 384 00:18:46,325 --> 00:18:48,192 Wait. You know what? 385 00:18:48,194 --> 00:18:49,527 Forget about it. I'm eating the sandwich. 386 00:18:49,529 --> 00:18:50,728 - All right, no! Don't eat the sandwich. 387 00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:52,296 - No, I'm gonna eat the sandwich. 388 00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:53,898 You made it for me special, and I'm going to eat it. 389 00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:55,366 - Oh, so now you're just gonna hold everything in 390 00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:56,534 Like your brother. 391 00:18:56,536 --> 00:18:58,302 - No. It's a perfectly good sandwich. 392 00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:00,471 You made it for me, and I appreciate it. That's all. 393 00:19:37,809 --> 00:19:39,610 I'll make a deal with you. 394 00:19:43,882 --> 00:19:47,451 I throw this out... 395 00:19:47,453 --> 00:19:49,387 And you can call me an idiot. 396 00:19:57,296 --> 00:20:00,298 - Deal. 397 00:20:12,678 --> 00:20:16,314 Idiot. 398 00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:17,381 - All right, yeah. 399 00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:18,583 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 400 00:20:33,332 --> 00:20:35,700 Come on. Let's go to the bedroom. 401 00:20:35,702 --> 00:20:37,868 Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! 402 00:20:39,438 --> 00:20:41,239 - Right behind you. 27970

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