Original subtitles

- Okay, so, now here's an old colonial inn

Near tanglewood.

- What's tanglewood?

- They have classical music there.

Here's the concert schedule.

- And here's my face.

- Or--okay.

Or we could stay at the plaza, huh?

Eat at le cirque, and see a show.

- No, look, my parents make fun of people

Who stay at the plaza.

- What? My parents stay at the plaza.

Okay, all right.

Then how do your parents feel about the adirondacks?

- What do you do there?

- You rent a nice house.

Look at this, right on the lake.

- We'll be staying in someone else's house?

- They won't be there, ray.

- I don't want to sleep where other people have slept.

- What do you think hotels are?

- You're yelling. Why are you yelling?

- Because you don't want to go anywhere.

- I do, believe me.

It's just that nothing you've mentioned sounds fun yet.

- Okay, then you pick.

And whatever sounds fun to you, we'll do.

- Really, you want me to pick?

- Yes, ray, because it doesn't matter where we go

As long as we can be together!

- All right. Let's calm it down.

- All right.

It's just that, you know, I really want to do this.

- Me too. - Okay.

- A tour of ben & jerry's ice cream factory.

Can that be a trip?

- Yes, it can.

Yes, it can, because the factory's in vermont.

See, the wildflowers are blooming.

And we could stay

At this cute little bed and breakfast.

- Why don't we just stay at ben & jerry's house?

- I'm calling vermont.

- Free samples.

I'll bet there's a catch.

- Hey, that's cute.

- God.

Amy, I'm going to vermont tomorrow.

I have nothing to take on this trip.

- You have a husband.

Lots of things go with that.

For a pair of pants that makes my butt look smaller.

- You know what makes your butt look smaller?

A husband.

- So, robert hasn't started dating anyone else yet?

- You mean, since we talked about him

In the shoe department?

- I know, I know. I just--

Here, try this on.

- Yecch.

- Oh, come on.

It'll look great with that scarf you bought.

And maybe some of those new platform sneakers.

- [sighs] I'm not fun anymore.

- What are you talking about? You're fun.

We're having fun. We had wine at lunch.

- Okay.

- Another color, maybe?

- [crying] - what? What is it?

- I'm a boring housewife.

- What?

- I'm a big, old boring housewife,

And that's why ray isn't excited

About going to vermont.

I should just cancel the whole trip.

- Come on, you're not boring.

You're going to have an amazing, amazing time

With your husband.

Look, donna karan.

- [sobbing]

What was I thinking?

Ray's only going to vermont for the ice cream.

That tour only lasts two hours,

And then it's just me.

- These prices are outrageous.

- Whoa, what's all this?

- Well, I'm babysitting for you

While you're on your getaway. Remember?

- Oh, okay, but we don't leave until tomorrow.

So leave until tomorrow.

- Hey. - Ooh.

- Here's the bag that I borrowed.

- Yeah.

Well, what's this smell? What'd you keep in it?

- Some meat.

So I see ma's laid in supplies.

- Well, you're welcome to come over here

For dinner tomorrow night.

- Oh, I see, so I'm a nice guy to have over,

But you wouldn't want me staying here.

- What, robert?

- Hmm? Nothing.

Wasn't asked, wasn't considered.

- What weren't you considered for, dear?

- Let's see, today's category?

Child care.

- Look, robert, I didn't think--

- Oh, you didn't think?

No, why would you think someone

Who's trained in cpr, public safety,

And conflict resolution would be able to baby-sit?

- Robert, look, you want to take care of the kids?

Fine, mom doesn't have to do it.

- Yes, she does have to do it.

That's my getaway from her.

- Well, I could come over here and help.

- That's not the same thing as you staying here

And me staying there.

- Listen, ma, I don't need your help, okay?

I can take care of the kids.

- Okay, dear. Okay.

- What?

All right.

- Good.

- What?

- Good-bye.

- I'll be going along, too.

I'll see you in three days, all right?

- What?

- Nothing, dear. Bye-bye.

- Hey, look, raymond, I won't let you down, okay?

Just relax and go enjoy your trip.

- Yeah, yeah, I know.

Hey, you ever been to one of these bed and breakfasts?

- Yeah, with my ex-wife.

- Did you not catch the end of that sentence?

- Yeah, great.

- What's with the face?

- No, no, yeah, it's just, going away together.

It's just so much time together.

- What are you afraid of?

You guys still--

- What?

- [imitates sexy music]

- Yeah, I mean, yeah, we do. That's not the problem.

It's the in-between.

- Ah, the remains of the day.

- She keeps saying how romantic it's gonna be.

You know, three days of romantic.

I don't see the need.

- Listen, let me give you some advice, okay?

These trips are for the wife. It's a weekend.

- [groans]

- Raymond, raymond, raymond, raymond.

You know, sometimes at the precinct,

We got to throw guys into the lockup for a weekend.

And you know which guys have the worst time there?

- The small ones?

- No.

The guys who are watching the clock.

But the guys who arm wrestle,

Play cards, whistle...

Those are the ones for whom time passes quickly.

- Yeah, but I have to talk, okay?

Those guys have the right to remain silent.

- Hi.

- Hey, honey. Hi.

Oh, you got some stuff for the trip, good.

- Yeah. - Good, it's gonna be fun.

- Yeah, I can't wait.

- Yeah, just me and you. - Yeah.

- What'd you get?

- I got a great outfit for the hayride.

- Hayride. - Yeah.

- So, listen, that weekend lockup--

How far in advance is that booked?

- You know, ray, I can carry one of those.

- No, no, I'm fine. I'm fine.

- Wow.

This looks nice.

- Yeah, yeah, it's nice. I like--I like the, uh...

I like the doorstop in the shape of a bunny.

Yeah.

- Yeah.

[sighs] hello?

- "please ring turtle."

[bell dings]

- [giggles]

- Hi. - You must be the barones.

- Yeah. I'm debra, and this is ray.

- Cecily daily. Sorry to keep you waiting.

I was packing some folks a picnic lunch.

- Oh, that's so romantic.

- Yeah, you like that?

We'll take one of those.

- Picnic orders have to be in by 6:00 the night before.

It's all right here in the handout.

- Oh, more bunnies.

Where I put the reservation book.

- "no tv in the room"?

- Did you really want a tv this weekend?

- No, no, we'll--

We'll arm wrestle.

- Here's your key.

And the common bathroom is just across the hall.

- No bathrooms in the rooms, either?

Can I ask you something?

What is in the room?

Are we in the room right now?

- Ray.

- Bill, pam.

We missed you two at breakfast.

We had blueberry pancakes.

- Sorry, we couldn't seem to get out of bed.

- [giggling]

- Ready to go, babe? - Sure, babe.

- Where are you off to?

- Oh, we're gonna go check out that antique fair

In craftsbury common. - Oh, I read about that.

That's supposed to be great.

- See ya.

- Did you want to go to that cranberry craftyland?

- Well, I scheduled

The ben & jerry's thing for today,

'cause you seemed so excited about it.

- Yeah, yeah, but we don't have to do that

If you don't want to.

- No, I do.

No, ray, you know, this is our weekend.

We're gonna do things that we both enjoy.

It's not like we have nothing in common.

- Yeah. Yeah, common bathroom.

- [laughs]

- All right, who took my yellow piece?

[kids laughing]

It's not funny. I was winning.

Do you know what happened to the last person

- They got a big tickle, that's what.

[kids screeching]

- I can't find the can opener.

- What?

- I'm not talking to you. Where's your mother?

- I don't know. She's not here.

- You want to play candy land, grandpa?

- I want my clam chowder.

- Look, I'm sure ray has--

- Marie! - Dad, she's not here.

- Marie! - Dad--

- Would you stop yelling?

The can opener is in the top drawer by the refrigerator.

- Thank you. See you Monday.

- Hello, dear.

- What are you doing here?

- Cleaning.

- Ma, listen,

I'm in charge while raymond is away, all right?

- Of course you are, dear.

You're doing a wonderful job.

The twins could use a nap.

- I'm handling this.

- I know, dear. I can hear through the vent.

- Have you thought about dinner?

- I'm ordering a pizza.

- No, pizza's not dinner. I'll fix something.

- Did you know she was here?

- Grandma's always here.

- [exhausted sigh]

- You got the key?

No, you have it.

- You're the funny one.

- Oh, no, it's that couple.

Come on, where's the key? Where's the damn key?

- Hey.

- Hey. - Hi.

How was your day?

- Unbelievable.

- Yeah, it was great.

Oh, gosh, we hiked through wildflowers,

And we picked apples,

And then we toured ben & jerry's,

And the teddy bear factory.

- Yeah.

- Wow, you guys did a lot of stuff.

We just went to craftsbury common.

Bill bought me this quilt.

- It's an anniversary gift--

Six months since our first date.

- Oh, thank you, babe. - You're welcome, babe.

- He celebrates everything. - [laughs]

- Oh, there it is.

Yeah, I thought I lost the key,

But there it was. It's right in my back pocket.

- That's so funny. [forced chuckles]

- Wow.

Were we ever like that?

- Who, babe and babe?

- Yeah, they just seem so--

- Annoying?

- I was thinking happy.

- Well, they're not married yet.

So just think how happy they're gonna get.

- Okay, so, are you gonna shower or--

- What for?

- For the hayride.

- Well, how bad do I smell

That I got to take a shower

Before being dragged around behind a horse?

- Yeah, I guess you're right. We don't need to shower.

- Is there time for a nap?

- I don't think so.

We got to be downstairs by 6:30, so--

- What about dinner?

- It's kind of included.

It's sort of a cookout, campfire thing.

- What are they having?

- I don't know what they're having, okay?

I just thought it would be fun.

- You know what might be more fun?

A nap.

- Okay, fine, ray. You nap.

Nap all you want. And you know what?

The next time, you pick the friggin' hotel

And you plan all the activities,

And I'll be the one that hates everything.

- Wait, debra. Come on.

- I didn't say I hated everything.

- You didn't have to say it.

- What did I do? What did I do?

I said, "what are they having?"

What did I do?

Come on.

You said there was gonna be a cookout thing,

And I said, "what are they having?"

That's a perfectly legitimate question.

There was no other meaning there.

And the nap thing, that was just--

That's me trying to be romantic.

That's all.

Come on, look, I'm sorry.

I don't know what the hell I'm doing here.

- Is someone in there?

- Yeah.

What do you think?

Honey, come on,

Someone else needs to use the bathroom.

Honey, come on.

Come on, we're not the only one who has this bathroom.

Huh, huh, remember?

You're the one who booked the place

With the "share the bathroom" thing.

[forced laugh]

I just made it worse, didn't I?

[knocks] honey, come on.

I'm sorry. Please, come on, let's be friends, huh?

This is our weekend getaway.

Come on, hon-- honey, unlock thi--

Oh.

It's not locked.

We'll just be a minute.

- [sobbing] - hey.

There's no lock on that thing.

- You're supposed to hang the sign.

[sighs]

- "patience is a virtue."

- What, ray?

- No, nothing, nothing.

It's charming and true.

- So, you want to just go home?

- Only if you really want to.

Come on, I mean, it's--

It's not really going that well,

Unless you think that it is.

- I was trying to make this fun for you.

I mean, why do you--

That hike, and the apple orchard,

And the ice cream factory,

I planned all those stupid things?

- Wait a minute, you thought they were stupid?

- Of course.

I just thought that if I kept you busy,

You wouldn't notice--

- What? Notice what?

- That I'm your boring wife.

[crying]

- My boring wife?

You thought you'd be boring to me?

- What's so funny?

- Nothing.

You were nervous about being boring to me.

- What are you doing?

- It's just-- it is funny.

You thinking you're boring. What about me?

Come on, I ran out of things to say

On the george washington bridge.

Remember, I said,

"I always take the upper level,

You fall on the people on the lower level."

That doesn't even make sense.

We're all gonna die. We all go in the river.

That's stupid.

- Yeah, and there was, like, 100 miles

Where all you said was, "oh, look,

The odometer's gonna hit 80,000."

- My point exactly.

- So, we do have something in common.

We're boring.

- "hi, we're the borings.

We just hit 80,000."

So, what do you want to do?

You want to do the hayride thing?

- You know what? That nap sounded pretty good.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, I've been wanting to take a nap

Since ally was born.

- Hey.

Nothing boring to me about a nap.

You know, and then

Maybe a little later, who knows, huh?

- Okay, definitely. But first a nap.

- Oh, definitely, definitely a nap.

[knocking at door]

- Excuse me, it's cecily.

Everything all right in there?

- Yeah, yeah, uh, we're done.

- Yeah.

[toilet flushes]

- Why did you do that?

- Oh, I don't know, I don't know, I panicked.

- Come on, now we got to wash our hands.

- Hey, bunny soap.

- We celebrate everything.

- What time is it?

- Mm, 9:00.

- We missed dinner?

- Mm, I guess.

- You want to just sleep through?

- Yes.

- This is a great vacation.