Original subtitles

- Ma, what is it? What happened?

- Ugh, it just never stops with your father.

- What did he do?

- He was voted man of the year.

- Man of the year?

What has happened to "time" magazine?

- No, no. At his lodge.

- What has happened to his lodge?

- They're so stupid.

Women aren't even allowed near the place

Until they want one of us to arrange a tribute or something.

- Tribute? We gotta go?

I got dibs on "I'm sick" that night.

You do some cop overtime at work.

Monkey on a bus somewhere. Yeah.

- No, no. I want to go.

It's an honor to be son of man of the year.

- I don't even want to be brother of guy

Who wants to be son of man of the year.

- No. Robert has the right attitude.

This is a big deal for your father.

And I want nothin' to do with it.

- What do you mean?

Thought you had to organize the whole thing.

Oh, no!

- Oh, yeah, you two are gonna do this

'cause your father's very excited.

He's already bothering me about it.

- Dad knows about this?

- They don't surprise the man of the year anymore.

That's how they lost the last man of the year.

- Come on, cubby, we'll do it together.

What do we have to do, ma? Come on, you tell me.

- The guy said something about a presentation

Or some prepared remarks.

- Well, what guy?

- I don't know. The grand high idiot.

Here, raymond, sit down. You're doing this.

You could do a song.

- You know that one number I've always loved?

From "south pacific"?

Where the guy wears the grass skirt and the coconut bra?

Yee hah hah.

- What do you do in that apartment?

- Hello, family.

I believe you're in the chair of the year.

- Congratulations, dad. I think it's great.

- Thank you, but you know...

I'm just a simple man

Who tried to make a difference.

I still put my pants on one leg at a time.

- Yeah, and when can we look forward to that?

- Hey, nice pool. What a great hangout.

- Hey, let's talk to this guy right over here.

- Excuse me, sir.

Can we talk to you for a second?

- Sure.

- We'd like to ask you some questions about frank barone.

- Shoot.

- Number one--

Why aren't you wearing a bathing suit?

- It's obviously lodge policy.

- It's tradition.

- Maybe we shouldn't film in here.

- No, no. It's fine. I'll tell ya what.

I'm gonna set up right here

And state your name,

And raymond here's gonna interview you a little,

- Listen, I don't want to interview.

Let me hold the camera.

- Come on, ray.

Can't ya see the guy's gettin' cold?

All right, here we go.

Uh, uh, I don't know.

Uh...Action!

- All right, all right, I'm here with...

I'm here with--what did you say your name was?

- Abe warcheiser, but everybody calls me bullethead.

- All right... Bullethead...

Just tell us why you like frank barone.

- I don't like frank barone.

- Okay...

- Can I get back in the pool now?

- Yeah. Please.

[splash]

That's gotta hurt.

- Jeez, he doesn't like dad.

- You're worried about what bullethead thinks?

Hey, excuse me, sir...

Listen, you know frank barone, right?

- What of it? - Well, we're doing a tribute.

You guys elected him man of the year.

- We're down to him? Sheesh.

- Maybe these guys don't know dad so well.

- Yeah, but maybe they do.

- Hey--hey, look. There's his friends from poker!

Hey, garvin, stan.

- Hey, robert! Hey, ray's here!

Hah, hah!

- Hey, garvin, hi. How are ya? Hi, stan.

- Hey, ray, what's goin' on with the video?

- Well, it's for dad's tribute. Look, this is perfect.

You guys could do it together.

Okay? And ready, ray? And...Action.

- H-h-hey, it's rollin'?

- Yeah, okay. All right, we're here with garvin--

- Hey, frank, you owe me 50 bucks!

You gave me your word, I ain't heard from ya since.

You been ducking me for a year and a half,

You hear me? - 50 bucks is nothin'.

How 'bout the dent you put in my car?

You tell me it wasn't you.

I have eyewitnesses!

And I have a bill.

I wish I had pockets 'cause I'd carry it with me.

Wait right here!

- You're a liar!

A liar, you hear me?

Liar!

- Thank you. Thank you.

- Hey, ray, it's really nice to see ya again, you know?

Take care there, buddy, huh?

Hey, say hi to your mom.

[splash]

- What are we gonna do?

- I don't know.

Maybe we can piece something together in editing.

You know?

Excuse me, guys. Just start rollin'.

Hi. Uh, we just want to ask a few questions,

If you don't mind.

Uh, how do you feel about...

Chocolate?

["wind beneath my wings" playing]

- Really good. - My favorite.

- Delicious.

Always delicious.

- Sure, I like...

- Frank barone.

- I can't get enough.

- It's my favorite.

- Mmm-mmm-mmm.

- My wife goes nuts for...

- Frank barone.

- A wonderful gift.

- Who doesn't like...

- Frank barone.

- Mmm-mmm-mmm.

- Come on, dad, what are ya doin'?

- That was a tribute? - What, you didn't like it?

- It was stupid.

And it was so short.

- Yeah, well, we kinda went with a fast, mtv kind of editing.

- Well, I didn't get it.

And what's with carrelli saying he likes me hot

With marshmallows?

- I told you to get rid of that.

- It was cute.

With debra and the kids and enjoy your free steak?

- Frank, what are you doing?

- Come on, marie, we're going home.

- What are you talkin' about? This is your big night.

- It's not so big anymore. Let's go.

- You didn't even finish your steak.

- I'm not hungry.

- Shoulda dressed like broads.

- Would you stop?

The boys did nothing wrong.

You wanted them to make you a tribute,

They made you a tribute.

- I can't wait for my eulogy.

- You still don't walk out on an evening

That your sons planned for you.

- Tom chervenak got a tribute that lasted 37 minutes!

The guys made a whole video on his life

And--and with big speeches and laughs

And how much they love him.

Then they did a big, wonderful music thing

Where they all dressed up like broads.

- Well, robbie was ready to dress up.

- That stunk, what they did, all right?

I know a tribute.

They're not welcome in this house anymore.

- Oh, really? - That's correct.

- So they let you down? - Yes.

- And what about your buddies at the lodge?

- What about them?

- Don't you think if they had said something great

That raymond and robbie would have put it in?

Isn't that what's really bothering you?

[tv plays]

- Frank, what are you doing?

- I'm watching.

- Come on, shut that off, please.

- Quiet. I can't hear.

- Would you shut it, frank?

- [on tv] I'm the veggie wedge man...

- Stupid crap.

You know what? I'm quittin' that lodge.

- Good.

- What do you mean, "good"?

- It's a stupid lodge.

It's full of crotchety old men

Who think the greatest luxury in life

Is sweating naked and coughing.

And all you ever do is complain about them.

- Why didn't you say something before?

- It gets you out of the house.

Come on, let's go to bed.

- Hey. - What?

- What--what would you...Say?

- What?

- What would you say in a tribute?

- What do you mean?

- [sighs]

What would you say in a tribute to me?

- W-well, I don't know, frank. They didn't ask me.

- Okay.

- I would say he's been my husband for 42 years,

That we have two wonderful boys together

And three beautiful grandchildren.

Isn't that right?

- That's it?

- L-l-let me finish.

And...That he's always been there for us

And been a good provider,

And that even though we squabble every now and then,

I know that... He's the one for me.

And whatever I did to deserve him,

I'll live with.

- I like that.

With the humor. Yeah.

- Now...Can I ask you something?

- Come on, let's go to bed.

- No, no. Oh, come on, frank.

We were talking.

- I'm tired. I'm goin' to bed.

- Oh, sure. Now you got what you need from me,

Now you're goin' to sleep.

What else is new?

- What do ya want?

- I want to have a conversation, frank.

I want to talk to you.

Is that asking so much?

- I know where this is goin'.

- Good. Come here. Sit down here, please.

- How much talking can a guy take?

- Thank you.

Now...

What would your tribute for me be?

Well?

- This is stupid.

- It wasn't stupid when you just asked me.

- Yes, it was. I now realize how stupid it was.

- Well, I gave you

A very lovely and generous answer,

Didn't I?

Well, didn't I?

- All right.

What are you getting ready for?

I'm not anointing you here.

- Well, it isn't every day

That you say nice things about me.

- Well, it's not every day that you force me.

- Oh, stop it, frank.

Come on, what were you gonna say?

- Sometimes you spit when you talk.

- Oh, that's it. That's it!

- Hey, what did I say? Come on.

You're the one for me!

- You want to know why people don't love you, frank?

You want to know?

'cause you offer them nothing. That's right.

You have to give love, frank, to get it.

And you have never, ever been willing to do that.

You just take and take and take

And expect everybody

To accept your obnoxious, horse's ass of a personality,

And everybody has to put up with it because it's you.

You know what the sad part is?

You are surrounded by family who happen to love you anyway,

And you push them away.

You push us all away.

You don't have to push anymore.

[festive music]

You're not gonna talk to me about this?

Frank?

This is not a marriage, frank.

A marriage is two people sharing things, talking,

And if they have a problem, they talk about it.

You don't just sit there

And wait for the other one to go away.

- [tv announcer] and I'll tell you what it makes

Better than anything else,

Than anything you'll find anywhere else.

Did someone say sandwiches?

- Yes.

- Takes care of the entire process--

- We're gonna talk about this.

- Aw, crap.

Jeez.

- Oh, stop it, frank.

- A guy wants to go to bed, he gets attacked by a kabuki.

- Oh, stop it.

- All right.

- Now, you talk to me.

- All right.

Look, I, uh, know the boys did their best.

I know, uh, it's my own stupid fault

If people aren't crazy about me.

And I'm sorry to everybody.

- You're just saying that so I'll leave you alone.

You still can't think of anything nice to say about me?

- How 'bout I sleep on it?

- It's all jokes.

[crying softly]

[water runs]

- Frank, what are you doing? No, no, no.

I need that. Frank...

- I like you better without the crap on your face.

- Oh, frank.

- Okay?

- You should try

And say something like that to me every day.

- I'll try.

Hey, uh...

- What?

- Well, I am man of the year.

- Yes, you are.

- And I'm lookin' to move up from man once a year.

See?

With the humor.

- Want to go to bed?

- I just...Ahh...

- Oh, honey, what?

You didn't do anything wrong.

I liked that tribute.

Made me hungry.

- I don't know.

Maybe I should apologize.

I--you know what?

We'll all feel better if I just call.

- What, are they not home?

- I don't know. Nobody's answering.

H-hello? Yeah, dad.

- [yelling indistinctly] - are you okay?

Yeah. No, I just...

I wanted-- about the tribute--

- Do you know what time it is?

- All right! Okay.

I just--I didn't-- all right. Okay. Sorry.

- What's he calling now for?

- I don't know.

- You know, sometimes I wish

They didn't live across the street.