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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,104 --> 00:00:05,671 - Don't read at the table. 2 00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:07,139 - Hey, I'm reading that! 3 00:00:07,141 --> 00:00:08,707 I didn't finish that! - No. 4 00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:11,176 - [muttering] 5 00:00:11,178 --> 00:00:13,345 - And stop playing with your hair. 6 00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:16,382 You're going to make it fall out. 7 00:00:16,384 --> 00:00:18,083 - You can stop worrying about my hair, 8 00:00:18,085 --> 00:00:19,752 'cause I'm gonna shave the rest of it off. 9 00:00:19,754 --> 00:00:21,420 - What? 10 00:00:21,422 --> 00:00:22,755 - That's right. I'm shaving my head today. 11 00:00:22,757 --> 00:00:24,423 - Oh, that's asinine. 12 00:00:24,425 --> 00:00:28,260 - It's not asinine. It's hip. 13 00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:30,596 - Hey. We're out of milk. 14 00:00:30,598 --> 00:00:32,097 - Help yourself. 15 00:00:32,099 --> 00:00:33,532 You want to hear the latest? 16 00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:35,267 Your father wants to shave his head. 17 00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:38,370 - Why don't you just stick your head 18 00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:39,571 Out of the car window? 19 00:00:44,310 --> 00:00:45,611 - Where's my razor? 20 00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:47,346 - Oh, sit down! 21 00:00:47,348 --> 00:00:49,415 We do not shave our heads in this house. 22 00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:52,584 - It's my house and my head! 23 00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:54,753 - I'm not gonna be seen with you like that. 24 00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:58,290 - Another advantage! 25 00:00:58,292 --> 00:01:00,259 - I'm hiding all the razors. 26 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,695 - You're not going to shave your head. 27 00:01:03,697 --> 00:01:05,798 - Of course not. 28 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:08,233 I just want to read the paper. 29 00:01:14,340 --> 00:01:16,408 [jazz piano music] 30 00:01:22,115 --> 00:01:23,115 - Hey. 31 00:01:23,117 --> 00:01:25,217 - So did you read my thing? 32 00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:26,385 - The article? Yeah. 33 00:01:26,387 --> 00:01:27,619 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 34 00:01:27,621 --> 00:01:30,622 Give me a second. - Okay. 35 00:01:32,625 --> 00:01:34,460 Pretty good for a first try, huh? 36 00:01:34,462 --> 00:01:37,629 Did you see the point I was trying to make? 37 00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:39,765 - Do you see the coffee I'm trying to make? 38 00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:40,866 All right, go. 39 00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:41,867 I'll be right there. Go. 40 00:01:41,869 --> 00:01:44,670 - Okay. All right. 41 00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:52,344 Hi. 42 00:01:52,346 --> 00:01:54,713 All right. So how are you? 43 00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:56,548 How's everybody? Glad to hear it-- 44 00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:59,551 What do you think? 45 00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:05,657 - Okay. 46 00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:07,726 Ahh. 47 00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:09,294 - Ah ha-ha! You're drinking it now. 48 00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:10,529 Very funny! 49 00:02:10,531 --> 00:02:12,364 You are hilarious! 50 00:02:12,366 --> 00:02:15,534 What a funny friend I have! 51 00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:18,170 Talk to me! 52 00:02:18,172 --> 00:02:20,272 - I like it. 53 00:02:20,274 --> 00:02:21,907 - Yeah? - Yeah. 54 00:02:21,909 --> 00:02:25,177 I just--I have some minor, minor things. 55 00:02:25,179 --> 00:02:26,512 - Oh, god. 56 00:02:26,514 --> 00:02:30,249 I'm going to be a stat guy for the rest of my life. 57 00:02:30,251 --> 00:02:32,217 - Stop it, all right? It's very good. 58 00:02:32,219 --> 00:02:34,653 - Don't say that! 59 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:37,156 What do you think "very good" means? 60 00:02:37,158 --> 00:02:40,792 - Very bad! 61 00:02:40,794 --> 00:02:42,361 - Do you want my notes or not? 62 00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:44,229 - Yes! - All right. 63 00:02:44,231 --> 00:02:45,731 - Oh, my god! 64 00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:48,233 Look at all the red marks! 65 00:02:48,235 --> 00:02:50,269 This is a mob hit! 66 00:02:50,271 --> 00:02:51,937 Andy, if you weren't my friend, 67 00:02:51,939 --> 00:02:54,273 I'd say, "it's great," and just walk away. 68 00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:57,910 - Yes! Do that! 69 00:02:57,912 --> 00:03:00,579 - Listen, listen. 70 00:03:00,581 --> 00:03:03,515 What separates the men from the boys 71 00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:05,417 Is the willingness to take notes, 72 00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:07,920 Rewrite, and make it better. 73 00:03:07,922 --> 00:03:09,521 Okay? 74 00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:13,759 I'm giving you the key to the mint here. 75 00:03:13,761 --> 00:03:17,396 - All right. 76 00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:18,397 Go ahead. I can take it. 77 00:03:18,399 --> 00:03:19,598 I want it. 78 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:22,568 Give me the key to the mint. 79 00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:23,802 - All right, look. 80 00:03:23,804 --> 00:03:26,705 Right here, you get a little repetitive. 81 00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,240 - Oh, oh. 82 00:03:28,242 --> 00:03:29,708 I get it, I get it, I get it, I get it, I get it. 83 00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:31,310 Thanks. 84 00:03:31,312 --> 00:03:32,978 - Okay, now, here... 85 00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:33,979 - There's more? 86 00:03:33,981 --> 00:03:35,948 - Yeah. 87 00:03:35,950 --> 00:03:38,417 - Can we take a break? 88 00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:39,585 - I'm just getting started. 89 00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:40,719 Don't you want to hear this? 90 00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:43,522 - I just-- I just need a moment. 91 00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:50,262 - Andy? 92 00:03:50,264 --> 00:03:53,265 - I said a moment! 93 00:03:57,537 --> 00:03:59,738 - Hey, deb, where's my toothbrush? 94 00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:00,906 - Oh, I threw the old ones out. 95 00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:02,307 I got a bunch of new ones 96 00:04:02,309 --> 00:04:04,309 When I took the kids to the dentist today. 97 00:04:04,311 --> 00:04:04,943 - So which one's mine? 98 00:04:04,945 --> 00:04:07,746 - The red. 99 00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:11,683 - I don't want to be red. 100 00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:14,686 - Take the blue one. 101 00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:18,690 - The blue one is-- is wet. 102 00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:20,325 - I just used it. 103 00:04:20,327 --> 00:04:24,463 - Ew! 104 00:04:24,465 --> 00:04:26,331 - You know, ray, I use the soap in there too. 105 00:04:26,333 --> 00:04:29,268 - Not my soap. 106 00:04:29,270 --> 00:04:34,006 I have no toiletries. 107 00:04:34,008 --> 00:04:35,807 - Oh, would you please? All right? 108 00:04:35,809 --> 00:04:37,509 I already had to deal with three maniac kids 109 00:04:37,511 --> 00:04:38,744 At the dentist today. 110 00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:40,912 By the end of it, I needed the novocain. 111 00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:43,015 I couldn't believe geoffrey. 112 00:04:43,017 --> 00:04:44,983 - Yeah, well, I had a bad day too, okay? 113 00:04:44,985 --> 00:04:47,452 I had to talk to andy about his article. 114 00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:50,989 - Oh, well, that must have been awful. 115 00:04:50,991 --> 00:04:54,026 Sitting and talking with an adult. 116 00:04:54,028 --> 00:04:55,761 Jeez. You should have seen it. 117 00:04:55,763 --> 00:04:56,962 Michael gets into the chair-- 118 00:04:56,964 --> 00:04:58,563 - It was awful, okay? 119 00:04:58,565 --> 00:04:59,898 You know how andy wants to be a writer, 120 00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:01,900 So I got to help him. 121 00:05:01,902 --> 00:05:04,569 - Ray, I'm trying to tell you something here. 122 00:05:04,571 --> 00:05:06,705 - Okay, but, you know, I read his stuff, 123 00:05:06,707 --> 00:05:08,774 And then I got to think about it, 124 00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:12,678 And then I got to make notes on his stupid thing. 125 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:15,981 - Maybe it was your attitude. 126 00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:18,684 - What attitude? 127 00:05:18,686 --> 00:05:21,520 - "his stupid thing"? 128 00:05:21,522 --> 00:05:23,789 Did you call his article a stupid thing? 129 00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:24,823 - Not to him. 130 00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:26,591 To him, I said it was very good. 131 00:05:26,593 --> 00:05:30,562 - Oh, god. - What? 132 00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:31,930 - "very good," hmm? 133 00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:33,398 Yeah, I know what "very good" means. 134 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:37,436 What did you say about my stir-fry last night? 135 00:05:37,438 --> 00:05:39,371 - That was very good. 136 00:05:39,373 --> 00:05:40,405 Mm-mm, good. 137 00:05:40,407 --> 00:05:42,808 - Yeah. 138 00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:44,476 Nice try. 139 00:05:44,478 --> 00:05:46,378 I'm just saying it probably meant a lot to andy 140 00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:48,380 To get your feedback, and, you know, 141 00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:50,349 Maybe you could have been a little bit nicer. 142 00:05:50,351 --> 00:05:53,485 - Hey, you weren't there, okay? I was very nice. 143 00:05:53,487 --> 00:05:56,621 I tried to give him the key to the mint. 144 00:05:56,623 --> 00:05:59,057 - The key to the mint? 145 00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:01,693 Oh, you didn't say that, did you? 146 00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,395 - It's an expression. 147 00:06:03,397 --> 00:06:08,834 - Oh, and you are the keeper of the key to the mint? 148 00:06:11,637 --> 00:06:13,572 - No, I-I... 149 00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:15,841 I happen to have one of the keys. 150 00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:18,910 Listen, I was very nice. 151 00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:19,978 - Oh, is that the tone you used? 152 00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:20,979 - There was no tone. 153 00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:22,714 - That's tone right there. 154 00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:26,752 - Yes, with you, I'm having tone right now, okay? 155 00:06:26,754 --> 00:06:27,953 But with andy, I was very nice. 156 00:06:27,955 --> 00:06:30,722 I was very understanding, very patient. 157 00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:33,925 And then he embarrasses me by crying. 158 00:06:33,927 --> 00:06:36,128 - You made him cry? 159 00:06:36,130 --> 00:06:37,629 Ray! 160 00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:39,431 - He wasn't crying crying. 161 00:06:39,433 --> 00:06:42,801 He was just kind of breathing hard and shuddering. 162 00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:44,169 Oh, it was-- 163 00:06:44,171 --> 00:06:46,405 Everybody was looking at us. 164 00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:47,806 - Oh, I'm so sorry 165 00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:52,611 You had to sit next to your crying friend. 166 00:06:52,613 --> 00:06:55,947 - Listen, it's a lot harder to watch the person in pain 167 00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:59,918 Than it is to be the person in pain. 168 00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:03,455 - You said that to me when I was in labor. 169 00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:10,862 - You were screaming. 170 00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:14,099 I'm surprised you heard that. 171 00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:22,107 - Poor andy. 172 00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:24,543 Why do you think he gave you his article? 173 00:07:24,545 --> 00:07:27,679 - Because I'm a sucker. 174 00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:30,582 - Because he looks up to you and respects you, 175 00:07:30,584 --> 00:07:33,151 And whatever you say to him, he's going to listen to. 176 00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:36,788 - Yeah, he didn't listen when I told him to stop crying. 177 00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:39,825 - Listen, you know, you're very successful 178 00:07:39,827 --> 00:07:41,226 And he's just starting out. 179 00:07:41,228 --> 00:07:43,061 And you really have to try to go out of your way 180 00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:46,531 To be very encouraging to him and kind. 181 00:07:46,533 --> 00:07:47,966 Listen, you got to understand 182 00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:50,769 That other people have feelings too. 183 00:07:53,239 --> 00:07:55,173 - All right! 184 00:08:01,881 --> 00:08:04,549 - Now can I finish telling you what happened to me today? 185 00:08:04,551 --> 00:08:05,750 - What happened to you today? 186 00:08:05,752 --> 00:08:07,052 - At the dentist! 187 00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:08,587 - Oh, yeah. 188 00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:09,721 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Go. 189 00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:10,989 - Michael gets in the chair, 190 00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,257 And the other two want to get in first, 191 00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:13,992 So that's when the fighting starts. 192 00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:15,594 So dr. Gibbons gets up and tries to turn on 193 00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:16,962 The choo-choo train. 194 00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:18,864 That's when geoffrey kicks him 195 00:08:18,866 --> 00:08:22,200 The kids and dr. Gibbons, the hygienist-- 196 00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:23,201 - Oh, no. 197 00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:24,803 - That's right. 198 00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:28,907 I have a dentist appointment next week. 199 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:33,111 - [sighs] 200 00:08:34,213 --> 00:08:35,614 - What? 201 00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:38,617 I listened. 202 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:42,888 - Hey. 203 00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:44,890 - Hey, I want to talk to you about the article. 204 00:08:44,892 --> 00:08:46,858 - Oh, yeah. Listen, listen. 205 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,994 Listen, last week when I gave you the notes, 206 00:08:48,996 --> 00:08:50,662 I think maybe I wasn't really thinking 207 00:08:50,664 --> 00:08:52,664 About your feelings or whatever. 208 00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:54,099 - No. 209 00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:56,134 No, no. 210 00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:58,770 I wanted to thank you. I didn't take it very well. 211 00:08:58,772 --> 00:09:00,071 - No, no, no. You were fine. 212 00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:02,307 And your article's really good. 213 00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:04,242 And I wanted to tell you that you should stick with it 214 00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:07,112 And, you know, I'll help you however I can. 215 00:09:07,114 --> 00:09:09,047 - Well, here's the good news. You don't have to. 216 00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:12,017 "sports illustrated" bought it! 217 00:09:15,254 --> 00:09:18,256 - What? 218 00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:19,858 - I sent it over there and they bought it! 219 00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:20,859 They're going to print it! 220 00:09:20,861 --> 00:09:22,694 Can you believe it? Ha-ha! 221 00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:25,630 Yeah! 222 00:09:27,767 --> 00:09:30,635 - Wow. 223 00:09:30,637 --> 00:09:32,003 So I guess-- 224 00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:33,939 I mean, debra thought that I wasn't being encouraging, 225 00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:36,942 But I guess--I guess whatever I did kind of helped. 226 00:09:36,944 --> 00:09:38,310 - Yes, yes. 227 00:09:38,312 --> 00:09:41,646 In a way, yes. 228 00:09:41,648 --> 00:09:42,981 - What do you mean? 229 00:09:42,983 --> 00:09:47,686 - Well, I didn't exactly take your notes. 230 00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:49,888 I mean, I went home, and I thought about it, 231 00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:51,122 And I decided I liked the way I had it, 232 00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:53,091 And I sent it. 233 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:56,962 - [chuckles] 234 00:09:56,964 --> 00:10:00,098 [chuckles nervously] oh. 235 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:03,234 How about that? Imagine that, man. 236 00:10:03,236 --> 00:10:06,071 - But thanks anyway. Your notes were very good. 237 00:10:17,149 --> 00:10:21,086 Here's your mail. 238 00:10:21,088 --> 00:10:23,622 - Very nice. Very nice. 239 00:10:23,624 --> 00:10:24,956 Very nice. 240 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:27,125 - Here's your "sports illustrated." 241 00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:28,660 - Very nice. 242 00:10:31,263 --> 00:10:33,098 - Wait a minute. What was that? 243 00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:35,867 - Oh, uh, I don't like it anymore. 244 00:10:38,204 --> 00:10:42,741 - So you're giving up reading altogether? 245 00:10:42,743 --> 00:10:45,410 - I still have cereal boxes, 246 00:10:45,412 --> 00:10:49,080 Unless count chocula suddenly lowers his standards. 247 00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:53,284 - Do you want to tell me what's going on here? 248 00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:55,420 "sports illustrated" used to be good. 249 00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:59,157 Now it's bad. 250 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:02,661 They have no credibility, no taste. 251 00:11:02,663 --> 00:11:04,329 - Oh, ray, 252 00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:07,132 Did "sports illustrated" reject you again? 253 00:11:10,002 --> 00:11:11,803 - No. 254 00:11:11,805 --> 00:11:13,271 As a matter of fact, I'm proud of those rejections now, 255 00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:18,209 'cause that rag is amateur-ville, jack. 256 00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:20,111 They're publishing andy's thing. 257 00:11:20,113 --> 00:11:22,247 - Oh, that's great! 258 00:11:22,249 --> 00:11:26,251 - [mimicking debra] no, it's not! 259 00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:28,420 - But, ray, you should be happy-- 260 00:11:28,422 --> 00:11:31,222 Oh, my gosh-- 'cause you helped him. 261 00:11:35,294 --> 00:11:40,165 Oh, oh, oh. 262 00:11:40,167 --> 00:11:43,802 He didn't take your notes, did he? 263 00:11:48,741 --> 00:11:50,341 Ray? 264 00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:53,278 How did he get into the mint without your key? 265 00:11:58,751 --> 00:12:01,753 - He knows the janitor. 266 00:12:04,757 --> 00:12:06,991 - You can't even enjoy his success. 267 00:12:06,993 --> 00:12:09,461 - I'm enjoying it, okay? 268 00:12:09,463 --> 00:12:11,863 It's just that when that piece of crap 269 00:12:11,865 --> 00:12:13,364 Comes out in "sports illustrated," 270 00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:14,499 Andy's going to be impossible. 271 00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:16,201 - Ha. 272 00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:17,502 'cause he might think he's a real writer? 273 00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:18,937 - Yeah. 274 00:12:18,939 --> 00:12:20,338 - And he might get full of himself? 275 00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:21,773 - Right. 276 00:12:21,775 --> 00:12:26,511 - And he might think he's as good as you? 277 00:12:26,513 --> 00:12:28,780 - You don't understand. - I understand. 278 00:12:28,782 --> 00:12:31,316 Today was all about andy and it wasn't about you. 279 00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:32,817 - No, no, no, no. 280 00:12:32,819 --> 00:12:33,985 - Yeah. Come on, admit it. 281 00:12:33,987 --> 00:12:36,354 You're a little self-centered. 282 00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:39,224 - Self-centered? 283 00:12:39,226 --> 00:12:40,992 - Yeah. 284 00:12:40,994 --> 00:12:43,361 All you can see is how this news affects you. 285 00:12:43,363 --> 00:12:44,929 And can I tell you something? 286 00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:46,931 This isn't just with andy. 287 00:12:49,001 --> 00:12:51,136 - Where is this coming from? 288 00:12:51,138 --> 00:12:54,539 - It's coming from those of us orbiting around you. 289 00:13:00,146 --> 00:13:01,513 - You think I'm self-centered? 290 00:13:01,515 --> 00:13:04,883 Me? Me? Me? 291 00:13:07,319 --> 00:13:09,888 You know, I work hard. 292 00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:12,824 I try to make enough money to feed this family. 293 00:13:12,826 --> 00:13:15,059 I have to put up with friends who ask my advice 294 00:13:15,061 --> 00:13:16,261 And then ignore what I tell them. 295 00:13:16,263 --> 00:13:17,796 - Daddy. 296 00:13:17,798 --> 00:13:18,997 - Then I put up with traffic. 297 00:13:18,999 --> 00:13:20,198 Then I have to come home... 298 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:21,399 - Daddy! 299 00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:23,568 - And explain myself to a wife 300 00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:24,936 Who thinks I'm this self-centered guy... 301 00:13:24,938 --> 00:13:25,937 - Daddy! 302 00:13:25,939 --> 00:13:26,938 - Which makes me think that-- 303 00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:29,541 I hear her! 304 00:13:31,577 --> 00:13:33,478 What is it, honey? 305 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,180 - I have a thousand pennies. 306 00:13:40,085 --> 00:13:42,887 - Did you see that daddy was talking, sweetie? 307 00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:49,861 And I would love to see those pennies later, okay? 308 00:13:49,863 --> 00:13:51,863 Give me a kiss. 309 00:13:53,032 --> 00:13:56,034 Huh? 310 00:14:05,244 --> 00:14:08,246 - No reading. 311 00:14:12,952 --> 00:14:14,953 - Hey, hey. What are you doing there? 312 00:14:14,955 --> 00:14:17,222 - I'm cutting an english muffin. 313 00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:19,390 - You don't cut it. You use a fork. 314 00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:21,593 - You don't use a fork to cut things. 315 00:14:21,595 --> 00:14:23,228 - Not to cut. To split. 316 00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:24,929 - What? 317 00:14:24,931 --> 00:14:26,331 - Yeah, it says it right on the wrapper there. 318 00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:28,399 Look at it-- "fork split." 319 00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:31,603 Fork. With a fork. 320 00:14:31,605 --> 00:14:34,639 - All that means is, they've split it with a fork 321 00:14:34,641 --> 00:14:36,074 At the factory. 322 00:14:36,076 --> 00:14:37,375 - If they split it at the factory, 323 00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:38,476 It would be open already, 324 00:14:38,478 --> 00:14:41,279 And I wouldn't have to talk to you. 325 00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:43,114 - Do you want this or not? 326 00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:44,249 - Not now. 327 00:14:44,251 --> 00:14:45,550 Look what you've done with your knife. 328 00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:47,252 Not only have you killed the crannies, 329 00:14:47,254 --> 00:14:50,955 You smushed them into the nooks. 330 00:14:50,957 --> 00:14:54,325 - I'm going to smush you into a nook. 331 00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:55,660 - Hey. 332 00:14:55,662 --> 00:14:57,595 - Oh, hi, dear. You want an english muffin? 333 00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:59,030 - Don't do it. It's cut! 334 00:14:59,032 --> 00:15:02,133 - Oh, stop. 335 00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:05,336 Raymond, when they say on the box "fork split," 336 00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:07,338 Doesn't that mean they've started it for you already, 337 00:15:07,340 --> 00:15:09,941 You know, like, in the factory with a fork? 338 00:15:15,281 --> 00:15:18,316 - Do you have any unopened toothbrushes? 339 00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:19,651 - Of course. You need a toothbrush? 340 00:15:19,653 --> 00:15:22,387 - A blue medium, right? - Right. 341 00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:23,988 - Robbie! 342 00:15:23,990 --> 00:15:26,024 - Ma, robbie moved out. 343 00:15:26,026 --> 00:15:27,458 - What, ma? 344 00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:30,295 - He still has to do laundry. 345 00:15:30,297 --> 00:15:32,196 - Robbie, go into the cabinet 346 00:15:32,198 --> 00:15:35,133 And take out a new, blue medium toothbrush 347 00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:36,301 For your brother. 348 00:15:36,303 --> 00:15:37,702 - The blue mediums are mine. 349 00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:39,270 I'm taking 'em with me. 350 00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:41,105 - Robbie! 351 00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:43,541 I said get a blue medium toothbrush for your brother 352 00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:45,410 And bring it down right now. 353 00:15:45,412 --> 00:15:48,212 - All right! 354 00:15:50,516 --> 00:15:52,350 - I am not eating that. 355 00:15:52,352 --> 00:15:55,153 - Eat that damn muffin. 356 00:15:58,090 --> 00:16:00,425 - Hey, am I catching you at a bad time here? 357 00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:03,227 - No, dear. We're just having breakfast. 358 00:16:07,499 --> 00:16:10,368 - Here you go. 359 00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:15,173 - That's yellow. 360 00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:17,041 - Oh. 361 00:16:17,043 --> 00:16:18,276 - Ma. 362 00:16:18,278 --> 00:16:21,079 - I said a blue toothbrush, robbie. 363 00:16:21,081 --> 00:16:23,514 - Why does it have to be blue? 364 00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:26,117 - 'cause that's what I wanted. 365 00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:29,220 - What about what somebody else wants? 366 00:16:29,222 --> 00:16:32,190 Do you ever think about anyone else? 367 00:16:34,226 --> 00:16:37,595 - Have you been talking to debra about me? 368 00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:40,665 - No, I've been talking to debra about andy. 369 00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:44,736 I hear he got into "sports illustrated." 370 00:16:44,738 --> 00:16:46,571 - Wow. That's national. 371 00:16:46,573 --> 00:16:49,173 - Oh, yes, it is, daddy. 372 00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:51,509 And correct me if I'm wrong, raymond, 373 00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:55,079 But hasn't that been a lifelong dream of yours, 374 00:16:55,081 --> 00:16:57,615 To get into "sports illustrated"? 375 00:16:59,151 --> 00:17:03,054 How's it feel? 376 00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:04,789 - Listen, I'm happy for andy, okay? 377 00:17:04,791 --> 00:17:06,424 I'm not self-centered. 378 00:17:06,426 --> 00:17:09,060 [laughter] 379 00:17:09,062 --> 00:17:11,295 What? What? What are you laughing at? 380 00:17:11,297 --> 00:17:12,597 - Not self-centered? 381 00:17:12,599 --> 00:17:14,032 Hey, I love you like a son, 382 00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:18,136 But you always were a pig for attention. 383 00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:22,407 - Yeah, even as a baby, you would cry and cry and cry. 384 00:17:22,409 --> 00:17:25,276 [imitates baby crying] 385 00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:27,745 "look at me. I got colic!" 386 00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:29,814 [imitates baby crying] 387 00:17:29,816 --> 00:17:32,116 - Yeah, yeah. 388 00:17:32,118 --> 00:17:33,651 Or how about every time you walk in the door, 389 00:17:33,653 --> 00:17:35,286 You know, there's always a reason. 390 00:17:35,288 --> 00:17:37,755 "I got married. I got kids. 391 00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:41,359 I got to have a blue medium toothbrush." 392 00:17:41,361 --> 00:17:42,794 - You--you're wrong. 393 00:17:42,796 --> 00:17:46,631 - Yeah, when do you ever come over just to say hello? 394 00:17:46,633 --> 00:17:49,133 - The hello is implied. 395 00:17:49,135 --> 00:17:50,701 Mom, am I self-centered? 396 00:17:50,703 --> 00:17:52,370 - Of course you are, dear. 397 00:17:52,372 --> 00:17:54,472 - Aha! 398 00:17:54,474 --> 00:17:56,774 - But you have every right to be. 399 00:17:56,776 --> 00:17:58,409 You're very special. 400 00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:01,212 - Here we go. All aboard! 401 00:18:04,249 --> 00:18:05,583 - You are handsome. You're charming. 402 00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:07,218 You're successful. 403 00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:09,320 You're a marvelous father 404 00:18:09,322 --> 00:18:11,522 And a beautiful son. 405 00:18:11,524 --> 00:18:14,826 - And you wonder how you turned out self-centered. 406 00:18:14,828 --> 00:18:16,794 - You're the one who's self-centered. 407 00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:18,496 I slave over those muffins, 408 00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:20,364 And you don't even have the decency to eat it 409 00:18:20,366 --> 00:18:22,266 Because they're not sliced right. 410 00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:23,301 - How about you? 411 00:18:23,303 --> 00:18:26,804 I got to eat my muffin your way! 412 00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:30,608 - No, you go upstairs and get your brother a blue toothbrush. 413 00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:32,310 They're not all for you. 414 00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:33,845 - Oh, what are you saying? I'm self-centered now? 415 00:18:33,847 --> 00:18:35,113 - You? - Oh! 416 00:18:35,115 --> 00:18:36,481 - Definitely! 417 00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:39,117 "I can't buy clothes where normal people buy clothes. 418 00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:40,685 "I need my own apartment. 419 00:18:40,687 --> 00:18:44,322 Everyone shoots at me!" 420 00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:46,157 - You're the one that's self-centered. 421 00:18:46,159 --> 00:18:48,860 [overlapping arguing] 422 00:18:48,862 --> 00:18:52,663 - Thank you. Hey, I understand now. 423 00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:53,865 I can live with yellow. 424 00:18:53,867 --> 00:18:55,700 [arguing continues] 425 00:18:55,702 --> 00:18:58,703 The good-bye is implied! 426 00:19:08,780 --> 00:19:11,616 - Hey, "sports illustrated," huh? 427 00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:14,352 - Nah, forget about "sports illustrated." 428 00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:17,321 They rewrote my whole article. 429 00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:19,157 - The whole thing? 430 00:19:19,159 --> 00:19:20,591 - The whole thing. 431 00:19:20,593 --> 00:19:23,161 So they must have liked something. 432 00:19:23,163 --> 00:19:26,497 - Apparently they liked that it was about sports. 433 00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,166 They just didn't like the words I picked 434 00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:30,368 Or the order I put them in. 435 00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:32,870 - Man, that stinks. 436 00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:34,639 But you know what? Well, who needs them, right? 437 00:19:34,641 --> 00:19:36,207 Look, you did a good job, 438 00:19:36,209 --> 00:19:38,376 And you should keep at it, and I'm here for you. 439 00:19:38,378 --> 00:19:39,510 - Thanks, ray. - Yeah. 440 00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:40,811 - I should have listened to you. 441 00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:42,713 A lot of what those guys had problems with 442 00:19:42,715 --> 00:19:44,715 Was exactly what you had problems with. 443 00:19:44,717 --> 00:19:48,686 - Yeah-- oh, yeah? 444 00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:50,855 The "sports illustrated" guys, yeah? 445 00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:53,758 They had the same problems? 446 00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:56,427 Yeah. What did you do? 447 00:19:56,429 --> 00:19:58,362 Did you mention that I gave you the notes? 448 00:19:58,364 --> 00:20:00,431 - I might have. 449 00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:02,366 - Yeah. They know who I am, right? 450 00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:04,702 I mean, do they know who I am? 451 00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:06,237 - Maybe. I don't know. 452 00:20:06,239 --> 00:20:08,973 - What did they say, though, when you mentioned me? 453 00:20:08,975 --> 00:20:12,276 - I'm not sure, ray. I was kind of crying. 454 00:20:12,278 --> 00:20:15,213 - Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. 455 00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:17,848 You weren't crying when you mentioned me, were you? 456 00:20:37,269 --> 00:20:39,971 - What the hell happened here? 457 00:20:39,973 --> 00:20:42,773 - Fork split. 31335

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