Original subtitles

when I was a kid I used to love banana

when I was a kid I used to love banana

when I was a kid I used to love banana milkshake more than anything in the

milkshake more than anything in the

milkshake more than anything in the world

world

world and then the time came when I wanted to

and then the time came when I wanted to

and then the time came when I wanted to try strawberry chocolate and vanilla

it's called an analogy

monogamy is against nature if we're

monogamy is against nature if we're

monogamy is against nature if we're meant to mate for life how come after

meant to mate for life how come after

meant to mate for life how come after population we're having Affairs

population we're having Affairs

population we're having Affairs how do you know he could be paying a

how do you know he could be paying a

how do you know he could be paying a prostitute to walk all over him in high

prostitute to walk all over him in high

prostitute to walk all over him in high heels

heels

heels so tell me you've never fantasized about

so tell me you've never fantasized about

so tell me you've never fantasized about another man

another man

another man that's not what I asked

that's not what I asked

that's not what I asked forget about your vows It's A Primitive

forget about your vows It's A Primitive

forget about your vows It's A Primitive urge we're mammals we can't help

urge we're mammals we can't help

urge we're mammals we can't help ourselves

ourselves

ourselves you're lying to me and I want you to

you're lying to me and I want you to

you're lying to me and I want you to tell the truth now you put your hand on

tell the truth now you put your hand on

tell the truth now you put your hand on your heart and tell me who's God is your

your heart and tell me who's God is your

your heart and tell me who's God is your witness that you've never looked at

witness that you've never looked at

witness that you've never looked at another man and thought if only I could

another man and thought if only I could

another man and thought if only I could feel him if only I could touch him if

feel him if only I could touch him if

feel him if only I could touch him if only I were allowed you tell me that

only I were allowed you tell me that

only I were allowed you tell me that you've never felt that

yes or no Maggie

does so

does so

does so foreign

foreign

foreign [Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music] there's a perception building that you

there's a perception building that you

there's a perception building that you have trouble with mornings tardiness is

have trouble with mornings tardiness is

have trouble with mornings tardiness is becoming the norm

becoming the norm

becoming the norm someone complained officers breed bad

someone complained officers breed bad

someone complained officers breed bad reputations

reputations

reputations please complete this isn't a

please complete this isn't a

please complete this isn't a finger-pointing exercise Niall we just

finger-pointing exercise Niall we just

finger-pointing exercise Niall we just want to know if there are any mitigating

want to know if there are any mitigating

want to know if there are any mitigating circumstances any reason why this keeps

circumstances any reason why this keeps

circumstances any reason why this keeps happening

my girlfriend left me a couple of months

my girlfriend left me a couple of months

my girlfriend left me a couple of months back

back

back she'd been having a thing with a work

she'd been having a thing with a work

she'd been having a thing with a work mate and it sort of kicked my legs away

mate and it sort of kicked my legs away

mate and it sort of kicked my legs away I keep thinking how could they do that

I keep thinking how could they do that

I keep thinking how could they do that to me

how could anyone do that

how could anyone do that

how could anyone do that especially a week before their wedding

especially a week before their wedding

especially a week before their wedding you sit there all holier than now and

you sit there all holier than now and

you sit there all holier than now and all the time you're thinking about him

all the time you're thinking about him

all the time you're thinking about him and what you did with him you dirty

and what you did with him you dirty

and what you did with him you dirty cheating is there anything you'd like to

cheating is there anything you'd like to

cheating is there anything you'd like to learn

foreign

no thank you

no thank you

no thank you well I appreciate your honesty and your

well I appreciate your honesty and your

well I appreciate your honesty and your commitment to rectify the situation

commitment to rectify the situation

commitment to rectify the situation we'll see you again in three months

thanks for attending my calls been busy

thanks for attending my calls been busy

thanks for attending my calls been busy I know I'm a good language so I can't

I know I'm a good language so I can't

I know I'm a good language so I can't have a mistakes you want to know the

have a mistakes you want to know the

have a mistakes you want to know the truth sure it's The Voice listen you

truth sure it's The Voice listen you

truth sure it's The Voice listen you aunties you're absolutely Sensational in

aunties you're absolutely Sensational in

aunties you're absolutely Sensational in the eye but the accent baby good day

the eye but the accent baby good day

the eye but the accent baby good day how's it going mate he doesn't even sit

how's it going mate he doesn't even sit

how's it going mate he doesn't even sit while we can yet are you serious

while we can yet are you serious

while we can yet are you serious I had a French bird ones now there's an

I had a French bird ones now there's an

I had a French bird ones now there's an accent

great idea for tonight's show most

great idea for tonight's show most

great idea for tonight's show most feeble reason for dumping someone I'll

feeble reason for dumping someone I'll

feeble reason for dumping someone I'll have the phones ringing off the hook be

have the phones ringing off the hook be

have the phones ringing off the hook be full of your exes yeah we could make it

full of your exes yeah we could make it

full of your exes yeah we could make it a feature much more love rat

a feature much more love rat

a feature much more love rat that's very good excellent yeah

that's very good excellent yeah

that's very good excellent yeah you know I'm starting to feel like a

you know I'm starting to feel like a

you know I'm starting to feel like a gooseberry in this studio and if I

gooseberry in this studio and if I

gooseberry in this studio and if I didn't know that you were a bush baby I

didn't know that you were a bush baby I

didn't know that you were a bush baby I would definitely think that something

would definitely think that something

would definitely think that something was going on Read My Lips

was going on Read My Lips

was going on Read My Lips I shag men

I shag men

I shag men the girls are meeting for bridesmaids

the girls are meeting for bridesmaids

the girls are meeting for bridesmaids chat tonight finalize things thought we

chat tonight finalize things thought we

chat tonight finalize things thought we could do the same with some liquid

could do the same with some liquid

could do the same with some liquid refreshment absolutely it's in the diary

where they're having the drinks oh

where they're having the drinks oh

where they're having the drinks oh please

please

please bar why don't we just go around there

well I should sort this this alley stuff

well I should sort this this alley stuff

well I should sort this this alley stuff out before the wedding you don't want a

out before the wedding you don't want a

out before the wedding you don't want a scene on your hands

miss

my parents are away tonight my uncles

my parents are away tonight my uncles

my parents are away tonight my uncles died and they've gone to his funeral in

died and they've gone to his funeral in

died and they've gone to his funeral in Anthem I'm sorry to hear that

so I was thinking house to myself

so I was thinking house to myself

so I was thinking house to myself maybe you could come over

maybe you could come over

maybe you could come over why would I want to do that Aaron

why would I want to do that Aaron

why would I want to do that Aaron here's your dress

I'll put this in the bin for you

I'll put this in the bin for you

I'll put this in the bin for you anytime after three

I was just sitting there thinking this

I was just sitting there thinking this

I was just sitting there thinking this is it yeah

is it yeah

is it yeah this is it I I've lost the best thing

this is it I I've lost the best thing

this is it I I've lost the best thing that's ever happened to me

she came back and it was okay she still

she came back and it was okay she still

she came back and it was okay she still wanted to go through with it got the

wanted to go through with it got the

wanted to go through with it got the relief

relief

relief what you've been

you ask her I don't care

you ask her I don't care

you ask her I don't care so everything's uh cool now is it that's

so everything's uh cool now is it that's

so everything's uh cool now is it that's been a bit weird quiet but yeah we're

been a bit weird quiet but yeah we're

been a bit weird quiet but yeah we're still getting married and you're still

still getting married and you're still

still getting married and you're still the best man

the best man

the best man you sure you want to do this

you sure you want to do this

you sure you want to do this for the wedding

for the wedding

for the wedding cool what

she might have a point

she might have a point

she might have a point why did it take you so long

why did it take you so long

why did it take you so long I'm at the bird of me dreams it's uh

I'm at the bird of me dreams it's uh

I'm at the bird of me dreams it's uh once only eight years to bugger

it was like a um what's an epiphany I

it was like a um what's an epiphany I

it was like a um what's an epiphany I was lying there and it pulled my vomit

was lying there and it pulled my vomit

was lying there and it pulled my vomit when suddenly I realized that's it no

when suddenly I realized that's it no

when suddenly I realized that's it no more everything's got to change what

more everything's got to change what

more everything's got to change what again no but this time I'm serious from

again no but this time I'm serious from

again no but this time I'm serious from now on it's the new me there's gonna be

now on it's the new me there's gonna be

now on it's the new me there's gonna be no more drinking drugs falling over at

no more drinking drugs falling over at

no more drinking drugs falling over at parties that is it zip and Benito

parties that is it zip and Benito

parties that is it zip and Benito I thought you weren't drinking mom

I thought you weren't drinking mom

I thought you weren't drinking mom oh no I'm not oh no I mean like drinking

oh no I'm not oh no I mean like drinking

oh no I'm not oh no I mean like drinking drinking like blackout drinking I know I

drinking like blackout drinking I know I

drinking like blackout drinking I know I can't give up completely because I'll

can't give up completely because I'll

can't give up completely because I'll never get through the week

ladies and gentlemen the groom

ladies and gentlemen the groom

ladies and gentlemen the groom what are you doing here I smiled you if

what are you doing here I smiled you if

what are you doing here I smiled you if you don't mind if we join you do you

you don't mind if we join you do you

you don't mind if we join you do you still have time

[Music]

[Music]

[Music] try it with me and you'll get one in the

try it with me and you'll get one in the

try it with me and you'll get one in the mouth

mouth

mouth foreign

[Music]

you've probably seen the posters

you've probably seen the posters

you've probably seen the posters oh work sorry he's trying on with a

oh work sorry he's trying on with a

oh work sorry he's trying on with a seven year old

I'm afraid that won't be possible

I'm afraid that won't be possible

I'm afraid that won't be possible why not um well for the obvious reasons

why not um well for the obvious reasons

why not um well for the obvious reasons really could we discuss this tomorrow

really could we discuss this tomorrow

really could we discuss this tomorrow your husband there with you

your husband there with you

your husband there with you I'm your teacher please stop ringing me

I'm your teacher please stop ringing me

I'm your teacher please stop ringing me [Music]

why have you run me

why have you run me

why have you run me there's nothing to see we can't ignore

there's nothing to see we can't ignore

there's nothing to see we can't ignore this can we no

foreign

you're getting married on Saturday

Claire what we had

it was sex Mitch

it was sex Mitch

it was sex Mitch nothing more nothing less

you don't mean that

I'm not discussing this in front of my

I'm not discussing this in front of my

I'm not discussing this in front of my baby

please

please just tell me what you're feeling

fine all right then we'll nip downstairs

fine all right then we'll nip downstairs

fine all right then we'll nip downstairs and discuss in front of all the others

and discuss in front of all the others

and discuss in front of all the others shall we

do what you did and then carry on until

do what you did and then carry on until

do what you did and then carry on until nothing's happened

nothing's happened

nothing's happened what do you want from image

what do you want from image

what do you want from image to leave Woody to move in with you is

to leave Woody to move in with you is

to leave Woody to move in with you is that really what you expect to happen

not just one

I just went when we had that night

after the sex

I don't know what you had much I just

I don't know what you had much I just

I don't know what you had much I just said guilt

where's Mitch singles is godson

we make a move get on there

[Music]

[Music]

[Music] spend a lot of time

thinking it over

two wrongs make a rhyme

threes out of clover

threes out of clover

threes out of clover [Music]

[Music]

[Music] you get your turn

you get your turn

you get your turn [Music]

I can't stand on the Earth

everybody's been there

everybody's been there

everybody's been there foreign

[Music]

[Music]

foreign

[Music]

[Music]

foreign

name Janet

name Janet

name Janet it's one of my favorites yeah yeah I

it's one of my favorites yeah yeah I

it's one of my favorites yeah yeah I could do it a few more laughs though

could do it a few more laughs though

could do it a few more laughs though it's holding my Yankees

take your time Dad

you're looking forward to your big day

you're looking forward to your big day

you're looking forward to your big day can't wait you're looking I

can't wait you're looking I

can't wait you're looking I can let me have a drink

can let me have a drink

can let me have a drink whiskey and morphina

whiskey and morphina

whiskey and morphina foreign

[Music]

cancer kill yourself

cancer kill yourself

cancer kill yourself you never so much just put one in his

you never so much just put one in his

you never so much just put one in his mouth

mouth

mouth now look

I wish I could be there for him

I wish I could be there for him

I wish I could be there for him I know Elaine does a good job and I know

I know Elaine does a good job and I know

I know Elaine does a good job and I know she loves him in a way but

she loves him in a way but

she loves him in a way but she's never looking black guy

I don't even could spend these last

I don't even could spend these last

I don't even could spend these last months together

men women what's the difference it's all

men women what's the difference it's all

men women what's the difference it's all it's all basically the same it's just

it's all basically the same it's just

it's all basically the same it's just it's just

your feet and thumbs are so great yeah

your feet and thumbs are so great yeah

your feet and thumbs are so great yeah and fannies you got any Dylan uh yes no

and fannies you got any Dylan uh yes no

and fannies you got any Dylan uh yes no well I I did have the greatest hits but

well I I did have the greatest hits but

well I I did have the greatest hits but someone used it as a coaster so um I

someone used it as a coaster so um I

someone used it as a coaster so um I think Madonna I love them Don

think Madonna I love them Don

think Madonna I love them Don I don't love Madonna but

okay

okay

okay sorry

only a bit of spilled milk

foreign

go out and do it again

come in

come in

come in will you help me with my homework

will you help me with my homework

will you help me with my homework which subject maths

which subject maths

which subject maths I'm not good at maths

I'm not good at maths

I'm not good at maths ask Kelly

you could have helped him

you could have helped him

you could have helped him what do I know about fractions but as

what do I know about fractions but as

what do I know about fractions but as much as me you're a teacher yeah an

much as me you're a teacher yeah an

much as me you're a teacher yeah an English teacher exactly

English teacher exactly

English teacher exactly you know how to spell algebra I want to

you know how to spell algebra I want to

you know how to spell algebra I want to come off the bill

it's called I want a baby

it's called I want a baby

it's called I want a baby why what do you mean why I mean why

why what do you mean why I mean why

why what do you mean why I mean why why'd you want one that's what we're

why'd you want one that's what we're

why'd you want one that's what we're here for

it's all right for you've got a child

it's all right for you've got a child

it's all right for you've got a child yeah what mistake's quite enough the

yeah what mistake's quite enough the

yeah what mistake's quite enough the Scott Pullman method of bringing life

Scott Pullman method of bringing life

Scott Pullman method of bringing life into the world to get cakes off your

into the world to get cakes off your

into the world to get cakes off your face and say risk here for a biscuit

face and say risk here for a biscuit

face and say risk here for a biscuit it's not funny girl

it's not funny girl

it's not funny girl I've got her forever

I've got her forever

I've got her forever because of a shark I can hardly remember

because of a shark I can hardly remember

because of a shark I can hardly remember can we at least talk about this like

can we at least talk about this like

can we at least talk about this like mature adults you