Original subtitles

"The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet," starring

the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie, here's Harriet, here's David, and here's Ricky.

Here they are, America's favorite family, the Nelson's.

Well, hi, fellas.

- Hi, Mrs. Nelson. - Hi.

What can I do for you?

We got something to tell you.

Well, good for you.

Come on in.

Now, what's the big news?

Barry's going to have an operation.

Let me tell it, will you?

OK.

Go ahead.

I'm going to have a tonsillectomy.

Well, how about that?

When is this going to happen?

Tomorrow.

Well, isn't that exciting?

I think this calls for a celebration.

How about some cookies? - Yeah.

That sounds great.

- Me, too? - You betcha.

Come on, let's see what we can find.

- Mrs. Nelson? - Yes, dear?

Do you think you can make that cake?

Mrs. Randolph gave us some cookies.

All right, I'll see what I can do.

This sure is good cake, Mrs. Nelson.

Well, thank you.

Don't you think that's pretty exciting, a tonsillectomy?

It certainly is.

I have to go to the hospital and stay overnight.

Yes, but I don't think you'll mind.

My mother said I was in the hospital once,

but I don't remember it.

They have special beds that go up and down.

Yes, I know, and they give you ice cream

after a tonsillectomy. Did you know that?

Yeah. All the ice cream you can eat.

You sure are lucky.

I wish my tonsils had to come out.

Did David and Ricky has their tonsils taken out?

Yes, they did.

Dr. Williams took them out.

He's going to take mine out.

Well, that's fine.

He's a good doctor, isn't he?

Yes, he is.

He's one of the best.

Yeah, that's what he told me.

Thanks for the cake, Mrs. Nelson.

Yeah, thanks.

Oh, you're welcome, fellas.

Any time at all. - Mrs. Nelson?

Yes, dear?

Would you like to take a look at my tonsils?

It's your last chance.

Oh, I'd love to.

Oh, yes.

Let me see them again.

Bye, Mrs. Nelson.

Goodbye, Barry, and if I don't see you

before tomorrow, good luck.

Thank you.

Hi, Mr. Nelson.

- Oh, hi, fellas. - Hi, Pop.

Oh, just the man we're looking for.

We need a little advice.

Well, I doubt if I can be of any assistance,

but I'm always willing to try. What's it about?

Well, we're having a little get-together over

at the fraternity house and we want to put on a couple

of comedy sketches of some sort.

Yeah, nothing elaborate, just something for a few laughs.

Well, let's see.

What about an old fashioned melodrama?

They usually go over pretty well.

Give the boys a chance to cheer for the hero and hiss

the villain?

Yeah, that might be a good idea.

Like when the villain is going to foreclose on the mortgage.

And now, Miss Prudence, it's almost midnight

and the mortgage is due.

Oh, sir, have pity.

Is there no compassion in your black heart?

Is there no one to save us?

Stop!

I will save you.

Zounds, it is Ted Trueheart, that poor but honest boob

of a lumberjack.

It is I, Ted Trueheart, that poor but honest boo boo

boo boo boo of a lumberjack.

I have arrived in the nick of time.

Here is the money, sir, which I earned honestly

by chopping down a forest.

Now, leave this house and never darken our door again.

Oh, Ted.

Oh, Prudence.

Curses, foiled again.

That was great, Wally.

Yeah, that was great.

Let's see if we can think of something else.

I kind of like it myself.

Oh, I meant something else for an encore.

- Want me to do it again? - No.

No. No.

No.

Taking all those parts takes a lot out of a guy.

Hello, Mr. Nelson.

Hi, Rick. Hi, Wally.

- Hi there, fellas. - Mr. Nelson?

Yeah?

- Do you know Dr. Williams? - Well, I sure do.

He's a good friend of mine.

Is he a good doctor?

Well, yes, sir, he's just about the best around here.

Hey, wait a second.

That might be an idea for you guys.

Why don't you do that old doctor sketch?

You know, where you perform an operation in back

of a big sheet in silhouette.

Yeah, we used to do that up at boy scout camp.

Say, why don't we try it out on the boys here?

Fellas, how would you like to witness

a dangerous and delicate operation performed

by two internationally famous surgeons?

Yeah, that sounds great.

OK, if you'll kindly step outside,

we'll prepare the scene.

Can you perform a tonsillectomy?

Are you kidding?

We do those for an encore.

Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.

And now permit me to introduce myself.

My name is Dr. Quack, and here is my capable assistant

Dr. Shakey Hands.

You have to forgive him.

He's a little nervous.

It's his first operation.

Now without further ado, let's get

on with the business at hand.

Doctor?

Pretty good so far, isn't it?

Yeah, I guess so.

Is the patient ready?

All ready, Doctor.

The anesthesia, please?

OK, Doctor, saw.

Saw.

Quiet.

Quiet.

Well, what have we here?

What is it?

Yeah, what is it?

Very interesting.

Pliers?

Uh, forceps.

Forceps.

How's his ticker doing, Doctor?

Good.

Say, here's something interesting.

Oh, must be his tapeworm.

We better put this back.

Easy does it.

Now let's take out his tonsils.

- Through his stomach? - Sure.

Why not make history?

Oh.

That popped out nicely.

Hey, that was good.

There we are.

That's one of them.

Now let's go get the other one.

Well, I thought it was pretty funny myself.

Well, I did too.

It didn't seem to go over too well with the kids.

Well, Kim was laughing.

Yeah, but Barry didn't like it at all.

Maybe it was too subtle for him?

I see you guys found the cake.

Oh, it sure was good, Mrs. Nelson.

Thank you, Wally. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Hey, we better get back to the fraternity.

OK.

Thanks again for the cake, Mrs. Nelson.

You betcha.

Oh, and thanks a lot for the idea, Mr. Nelson.

- Any time at all. - See you later.

OK.

What idea was that?

Oh, the boys wanted an idea for a comedy sketch

for their fraternity show, so we tried out that old operation

bit on Barry and Kim.

Oh, what's that?

Well, you know where you hang up a big sheet

and then perform this gruesome operation in silhouette?

Oh, well, I'm not sure it was a good idea

to show that to Barry.

Why not?

Well, didn't he tell you?

He's going to have his tonsils taken out tomorrow.

Oh, no kidding?

I hope we didn't frighten him.

How'd he seem to take it?

Well, he didn't seem to think it was very funny.

Well, I think he'll be OK.

He seemed to have a good attitude about it

when he talked to me.

Of course, that was before your demonstration.

- Hello? - This is Ann Martin.

Oh, hi, Ann.

Is Berry over there, by any chance?

Well, not right now.

He left here about a half an hour ago.

Oh, well, I guess he'll be along any minute then.

I understand he's having his tonsils out tomorrow morning.

Yes, he is.

Dr. Williams thought it'd be a good idea.

Oh, well, he's a real good man.

How does Barry feel about it?

Well, so far, he seems to be looking forward to it.

You know, Barry.

He asked Dr. Williams a lot of questions,

and I guess he got the right answers.

At least he doesn't seem to be worried about it.

Oh, that's good.

Yeah, I'm glad of that.

His father's out of town on business,

so naturally I'm a little concerned.

Oh, yeah, well, I wouldn't worry about it.

It really isn't much of an operation nowadays,

and Dr. Williams is a real good man.

Oh, I'm sure he is.

Well, if you see Barry, shoo him on home, will you?

You bet I will.

Bye, Ann.

It was Barry's mother. - So I gathered.

There's nothing wrong, is there?

No, it's just that his lunch is ready

and he hasn't come home yet.

Oh, I probably shouldn't have given him that cake.

Did you give him some cake so close to lunch?

Well, I didn't realize how late it was.

Anyway, that was quite a while ago.

Do you think I ought to tell Doc Williams about Barry

seeing the operation sketch?

Well, I don't know. Why?

Well, I was just thinking in case he gets worried

or something, at least Doc could know the reason why.

Oh, yeah, that might be a good idea.

Why don't you call Doc?

It might seem pretty silly though.

I think I'll just forget it.

OK, you're the doctor.

Hiya, Doc.

Hi, Oz.

Getting in a little practice there?

Something like that.

I have a little psychological problem to discuss with you.

Well, that's a little out of my field, but go ahead.

Well, it concerns one of your patients, little Barry Martin.

Oh, yeah.

I'm taking out his tonsils tomorrow morning.

So I understand.

He's got a fine attitude.

He's an inquisitive little devil, but sharp as a tack.

Yeah.

Well, anyway, we were putting on a little sketch

in our garage, the one where you perform

a fake operation behind a sheet, and he didn't seem

to think it was very funny.

Well, did he say anything?

No, but he didn't laugh much.

See, I didn't know he was going to have the operation

or I wouldn't have done the sketch.

Oh, I wouldn't worry about it.

Yeah, but his mother phoned and he

didn't come home for lunch.

He probably wasn't hungry.

You doctors you always like to oversimplify everything.

OK, then why didn't he laugh at the operation sketch?

Probably because he didn't think it was funny.

And if you ask me one more question,

I'm going to send you a bill.

Just remember when you're hacking away at that wood,

if you make a mistake, you can't sew it up again.

Oh, hi, dear.

Hi.

I just had a little talk with Doc

and he said everything's going to be OK.

Barry's attitude is just fine.

Well, that's not the way I heard it.

I just talked to his mother and she said he absolutely

refuses to have the operation.

Oh, really?

Well, I'll go and have a little talk with him.

You'll have to find him first.

He ran away.

Ran away?

That's right.

Well, now, look, don't get excited.

There's nothing to get worried about.

Little kids run away every day in the week.

Just have to find them, that's all.

That's it.

Tomorrow this whole thing will be funny.

It's pretty funny right now.

You got your sweater on backwards.

Oh.

OK, Joe.

Look, if you do see him, send him home, will you?

Well, I didn't know he was going to have his tonsils out.

Well, you've done some pretty stupid things, too.

OK.

Hello, Darb, this is Oz.

Who told you?

Well, just send him home if you see him, will you?

Oh, no.

No, no, Darb, it wouldn't work.

OK, Darb.

What wouldn't work?

Oh, Darb wants to put on the operation sketch

over at the men's club.

What about Barry?

Any news of him?

No, not yet, but don't worry, we'll track him down.

I hope so.

Hey, Pop, look who I found.

- Barry? - No.

Me.

Oh.

There's a warm welcome for you.

Sorry, Dave, did you hear about Barry?

- Yeah, any news? - No.

Not yet.

Well, I wouldn't worry about it too much, though.

He probably hasn't gone very far.

Yes, I remember we ran away a couple of times,

but we always managed to get home in time for dinner.

Oh, wait a second, maybe you guys can help.

When you ran away, was there any special place you used to go?

Well, yeah, we used to hide out in that big pine tree

down on the vacant lot.

Which vacant lot?

Maybe that's where Barry went.

I doubt it.

There's a five story apartment building down there now.

Oh.

Hey, maybe he went over to the malt shop.

Yeah, at least it's worth a try.

Do you guys know the number?

Yeah, I do.

Would you call them, Rick, please?

I remember one time we were going to run away to Chicago.

When was that?

Oh, about 12 years ago.

We only made it as far as the bus station.

Hello, Jack?

This is Rick Nelson.

My dad wants to speak to you.

It's Jack.

Thanks.

Hello, Jack?

Listen, have you seen little Barry today?

He is?

He's at the malt shop.

Listen, Jack, we've been looking all over for him.

He's supposed to have his tonsils out tomorrow

and he's trying to run away.

Will you keep him there for me?

Buy him a malt. Well, let him have another one

and give him some comics to read.

Anything.

I'll pay you just as soon as I get there.

Just makes sure he doesn't leave.

OK.

Thanks, Jack.

All right, he's at the malt shop.

Jack, is he still here?

Yeah, he's in the booth over there just

finishing his third malt.

Oh, I hope he doesn't explode.

Well, hi, there, Barry.

Hi.

Now, wait a second.

You're not Barry.

Well, sure I am.

Uh, Jack, this is the wrong boy.

Well, his name is Barry.

All I know is you said to hold Barry

till you got here because he was going to have his tonsils out.

Tonsils out? Not me, boy!

You all right, Mr. Nelson?

Those darn heavy shoes on.

Did you want to charge that?

It's $1.71, three malts and six comic books.

Hi, Mr. Nelson.

Oh, hi, Kim.

Kim?

I need to hurry, Mr. Nelson.

Kim, come back here, will you?

Do you know where Barry is?

Barry who?

Oh, come on, you know I mean, Barry Martin, your best friend.

You know where he is?

Yeah, but I'm not supposed to tell anybody.

Look, Kim, I don't like to ask you to break a promise

but this is very important.

Barry's mother's looking for him and she's getting real worried.

Yeah, I know that that's why I'm

supposed to give her a message.

Oh, what's the message?

The one I'm supposed to tell his mother.

You can tell me.

No, I can't.

Oh, sure you can.

Don't you remember?

You guys made me an honorary member of the Tigers last year.

See, you can tell me.

Well, Barry says he'll come home with his mother

promises not have his tonsils taken out.

Oh, I thought it was something like that.

Well, I'll be glad to give the message to his mother

but I think I ought to talk to Barry first.

Would you take me to him?

But I'm not supposed to tell anybody where he is.

Well, would you go ask him if I can talk to him?

Well, yeah, I guess that'd be OK.

Good.

Oh, well, don't you worry about a thing, Ann.

Everything's going to be just fine.

OK.

Bye bye. - Was that Barry's mother?

Yes, it was.

Is it all right if I talk to Barry?

Yes.

She said she'd be glad if you did.

Where's Kim? - Well, I don't know.

I followed him over to the vacant lot

and then he ducked behind that big fence and I lost him.

- Maybe that's him.

I hope so.

Oh, hi, Kim. Come on in.

Hi, Mr. Nelson. Hi, Mrs. Nelson.

Hi, Kim.

Where's Barry?

He said I can't tell you where he

is but I could take you to him. - Well, that's better yet.

I'll get my sweater.

I think, though, you have to come alone.

That's OK.

And unarmed.

I have absolutely no concealed weapons.

Bye. See you later.

OK, dear.

Jack? - Oh, hi, Mr. Nelson.

How's your shin?

Oh, it's pretty good now.

Thanks.

Little Barry Martin was supposed to meet us here.

Has he come in yet?

Gee, I don't think so.

The only small boy here is sitting over there.

I see what you mean.

Thank you.

He just came in.

Pardon me, have you seen Barry around here anyplace?

Hi, Mr. Nelson, it's me.

Oh.

For heaven's sake.

- Did anybody follow you? - Nope.

Nobody.

OK.

Look, Kim, do you want to go over by the counter and stand

guard while I talk to Barry?

OK.

Oh, Jack?

Yeah.

Could we have a couple of malts here, please?

And one for Kim at the counter.

OK.

Well, how do you feel, Barry?

Pretty good.

I understand you decided not to have your tonsils taken out?

I sure did, boy.

Well, if it's because of that little skit

we put on this morning, that was just a gag.

A big joke.

It was supposed to be funny.

I know that, but I'm not going to have my tonsils taken out.

Oh, come on, Barry, just because we

put on a silly sketch?

There's nothing to it.

It's a simple operation.

Have you had yours taken out yet?

Well, no, I didn't have to.

Then how do you know?

Both Dave and Rick had theirs taken out

and it didn't bother them at all.

Are you sure?

Well, of course, I'm sure.

You can ask them.

Did you take them out or Dr. Williams?

No.

Dr. Williams did.

What would you do, Mr, Nelson?

You mean, if I were you?

Yes, sir.

Well, I think I'd say to myself,

"Dr. Williams says I need this operation.

Thousands of other boys and girls have gone through it.

I can be just as brave as they are."

Are you still talking yourself or are you talking to me now?

I'm talking to you.

What do you say?

OK, I'll do it.

Good for you.

I knew you would. - Mr. Nelson?

Yeah?

Will you go with me?

What do you mean?

I want you to stand right there

and watch the whole thing.

Make sure he does it right.

OK, if Dr. Williams will let me.

Mr. Nelson?

Yeah?

Will you promise me one thing?

What's that?

Don't let him take out anything but my tonsils.

OK.

That's a promise.

Even if he finds a football in there, let it stay.

Just take out my tonsils.

That's a deal.

Well, here we are.

Well, hello, Dr. Williams.

- You all set, Barry? - Yes, sir.

The nurse will be in in just a minute and wheel you right down

the hall. You'll get a nice ride.

It'll all be very interesting.

That's what Mr. Nelson said.

Well, he's right.

I suppose you know you'll be required to eat a little ice

cream when this is over.

Yes, sir.

Mr. Nelson told me.

He ordered vanilla, Doctor.

Oh, good.

That's my favorite.

I'll have the nurse make a special note of that.

Mr. Nelson?

Yes, Barry?

You'll be there like you promised, won't you?

You bet, I will.

A promise is a promise.

Well, I guess I'd better go get scrubbed up.

I'll see you girls later.

OK, dear.

Thank you for all the help.

Oh, it's been a pleasure.

You just relax now and don't worry about a thing.

Everything's going to be fine.

- Oz? - Yes?

You mind if I come along?

Oh, no.

You sure this is going to be all right now, Doctor?

I mean, for me to be in there?

Oh, sure, Oz.

It won't be too crowded in there with an extra person?

Oh, no, Oz, there's plenty of room.

Look, Oz, you don't have to go in there if you don't want to.

Are you kidding?

I promised Barry.

I wouldn't want to disappoint him.

Don't overdo it, Oz.

You shut these off with your knee.

Yeah, I know.

I watch a lot of television.

All ready, Dr. Williams?

Oh, yes, Miss Potter.

This is Dr. Nelson.

How do you do?

How do you do, Doctor?

I'm just going to watch.

I'm not really a--

That is, mine is sort of an honorary degree.

This is a little different than your last operation, isn't

it, Doctor? - Yes, it is.

This time we won't be taking any old shoes or footballs

out of the patient.

You're sure you're going to be all right now?

Oh, sure.

Well, don't get embarrassed if you

should feel a little squeamish.

The first operation I watched I fell right out of the balcony.

Well, he came through with flying colors, Mother.

You should be very proud of him. I know I am.

Thank you, Doctor.

I see he got his vanilla ice cream OK.

He sure did.

That's his favorite.

You know, Harriet, I'm proud of Old Oz, too.

Well, thank you, Doc.

So am I.

I like strawberry.

There are no shortcuts in the fight

against heart and blood vessel diseases,

the nation's number one cause of death.

The heart diseases will be brought under control

only through more medical research, more education,

and expanded community heart programs.

Don't fear heart disease, fight it.

And the way to fight it is by supporting your heart fund

with a generous contribution.

Send it to your Heart Association.