Original subtitles

"The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet," starring

the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie.

Here's Harriet.

Here's David.

And here's Ricky.

Here they are, America's favorite family, the Nelsons.

How about you, Rick? You want some more?

- Oh, no, thanks, Mom. - Oz?

No, thanks.

It's real good, though.

Wally, how about you?

Oh, I wish I could.

That's about the best meatloaf I ever ate.

Well, why don't you finish it?

Oh, I really don't think I can.

I want to save room down here for some dessert.

But I'll tell you what.

If you have one of those Bones for Bowser paper bags,

I'll be happy to take it home. - OK.

I'll see what I can do.

Just mark it "leftovers for Wally."

Oh, I'm sorry.

You ought to be.

We're still eating. - Well, this is great.

Thanks a lot for inviting me, Mrs. Nelson.

Oh, well, that's OK, Wally.

You're welcome anytime.

Oh, good.

What time is breakfast?

Don't they give you guys anything

to eat over at the fraternity house?

Oh, sure, but not anything like this.

OK, but don't lay it on too thick.

We don't want to spoil the cook.

You mind your business.

I like it. - I mean it.

The food down at the fraternity house

is getting pretty doggone dull.

Uh, what were they having tonight?

Well, let's see. What is tonight, Thursday?

Uh, yeah.

Uh, Thursdays we have meatloaf.

Well, what do you think you just had?

Well, yeah.

But there's meatloaf, and then there's meatloaf.

This had some flavor to it.

Well, there are a lot of different ways to fix meatloaf.

Maybe your cook just doesn't happen

to fix it the way you like it.

I don't think she happens to fix it

the way anybody likes it.

You know what kind of food they have there, Rick.

Well, it's not too bad if you use enough ketchup.

Well, at least you guys have one advantage.

You can always fire your cook.

Careful.

You haven't had your dessert yet.

Well, all I know is we better do something about it.

About what?

Well, about the food down at the fraternity.

Uh, would you pass me the ketchup please, Mr. Nelson?

On apple pie?

Oh.

Force of habit.

And you should have tasted the meatloaf.

It was so light, you could lift it with a fork.

- Well, can't you always? - Not around here.

It's lucky if you can get a fork into it.

Come on now, Wally.

Mrs. Murry's cooking isn't that bad.

You must admit it's getting pretty monotonous,

though, Charlie.

Well, what's monotonous?

The food around here.

This is where I left him last night.

He's got a point, though, Rick.

The menu sure doesn't change much.

No, I guess it doesn't at that.

Yeah, we ain't had ham hocks and black-eyed peas since

I've been living here.

You're right, Charlie.

The food isn't all bad.

But I do think we ought to do something about it.

Well, instead of sitting here grumbling,

why don't you guys go out and have

a little talk with Mrs. Murry? - Hey, that's a good idea.

All in favor of Rick talking to Mrs. Murry, say aye.

- Aye. - Why me?

I don't even live here. - That's why.

Sure. You've got nothing to lose.

Well, let's put it this way.

If you guys want somebody to talk to her,

I'll be happy to go along with you.

Well, if that's the best you can do.

Well, look.

If we do talk to her, let's be a little diplomatic about it.

We don't want to hurt her feelings.

- Well, naturally. - Well, what do we say to her?

Oh, we just ask her in a nice way to give us more variety.

Jazz up the menu a little.

OK, let's go.

Look, uh, just don't nobody mention ham hocks

and black-eyed peas, you hear?

Oh, hi, Mrs. Murry.

Hello, boys.

Now, remember the rules.

No between-meal snacks.

Oh, we don't want anything to eat.

No, we just came in here to have a little talk with you.

Oh, about what?

Well, explain it to her, Wally.

Oh, well, we were talking.

Uh, that is, a lot of the guys have been complaining.

Oh, well, not exactly complaining.

They're-- boy, something smells good.

What is it?

Vegetable soup.

Is it Friday already?

Come on, boys.

Get to the point.

I haven't got all day.

Oh, well, uh, Rick?

Well, uh, we were just wondering

whether you might consider the possibility of making

some changes in the menu.

What's wrong with the menu?

Well, nothing, really.

Well, then why change it?

Well, it's not just the menu.

It's the food.

You're complaining about the food?

Then how come you eat so much of it?

Well, uh, I guess I have a tapeworm.

Come on, fellas. Mrs. Murry's busy.

Oh, no, you don't.

I want to find out what's wrong with my food.

Oh, well, there's nothing wrong with it, exactly.

It's not easy cooking for 40 growing boys, each one

with a different taste.

Oh, we realize that.

16 sunnyside up, 12 over easy, 8 scrambled, 3 poached, and 1

cornbread with hominy grits.

Come on, fellas.

The refrigerator's old.

The hashes never show up on time.

The food budget's impossible, not to mention my salary.

My room is cold, and my bed is lumpy.

So is her oatmeal.

I heard that.

And I quit. - Mrs. Murry?

Mrs. Murry?

Now what'll we do?

Well, I guess the first thing is to start shelling them peas.

Who's he calling now?

Oh, the Kappa house.

Uh, hi.

Who's this?

Oh, hi, Sally.

This is Wally.

Uh, fine, thanks.

Say, we were looking over our social calendar,

and we noticed we have an exchange dinner scheduled

at your house next month.

Uh, well, what we were wondering is

if you might like to reschedule it to an earlier date,

uh, like tonight?

Well, you see, we're in kind of a bind.

Our cook quit.

Oh.

OK.

See you later.

Well what'd she say?

Well, she said if we all showed up at their house

tonight, their cook would quit.

I guess that's it.

Hey, you guys.

The Cub Scouts are having a cookout at the park tonight.

Are you kidding?

Well, I haven't heard any better suggestions.

Well, I sure picked a great night

to tell my folks I wouldn't be home to dinner.

Look, let's not panic.

There's plenty of food in the kitchen.

All we have to do is fix it. - You mean you're volunteering?

For he's a jolly good fellow, for he's--

- Hey, what a second, guys. ---a jolly good fellow.

Hold it.

I don't mind cooking for myself, but I'm not

cooking for 40 other guys.

Well, then it looks like it's every man for himself.

Hey, whose hamburger is this?

Hey, that's mine.

What's it doing here with my eggs?

Well, there wasn't any more room.

Oh, thanks a lot.

What are you talking about?

This looks great. Come on.

I'll split it with you.

Marshmallows?

Well, it's the only thing I know how to cook.

Hey, cut that out, Wally.

You're getting salt on my pancakes.

Well, that's OK.

Put a little maple syrup and horseradish on them

and you'll never know the difference.

Hey, who took my hamburger?

What's going on here?

We're cooking dinner.

Well, what happened to the cook?

Quit.

You really going to eat that?

Did you want it?

You must be kidding. Come on.

Let's get out of here.

Hey, why don't we go down to the malt shop and eat?

Hey, that's the first sensible thing you've said all week.

Come on. Let's go.

- Hey, what about this mess? - Well, let's clean it up later.

I don't want to spoil my appetite.

Here you are, Tom. It's on me.

- What's this, shish kebab? - No.

Flaming marshmallows.

How does this sound? "Wanted.

Cook for fraternity house.

Room and board included."

It sounds kind of cold.

Don't you think we ought to color it up a little,

uh, make it sound more interesting?

Yeah.

How about "fraternity situation available for experienced

cook"?

You better not say a fraternity.

That might kill it.

Well, how about "a experienced chef wanted

for young men's living group"?

Yeah.

"Board and quiet room provided."

Quiet?

Well, it's quiet there now.

Uh, yeah. That sounds good.

Uh, what do you have there?

Read it back.

Well, let's see. "Wanted.

Cook for fraternity house.

Room and board included."

Well, now, wait a minute.

We can only afford nine words.

There you are, fellas.

Oh, thanks, Jack.

Boy, they smell good.

Hey, we better get this ad in the paper right away.

Yeah.

I hope we get a cook by tomorrow.

Yeah.

Boy.

This hamburger sure tastes good.

Yeah, you can't beat Jack for hamburgers.

Well, thanks.

I make some pretty good macaroni salad, too,

if I do say so myself.

And you ought to try to split pea soup

No kidding.

What else can you cook, Jack?

Well-- oh, no you don't.

I may take a chance now and then, but I'm no hero.

And this is our kitchen.

Oh, yes.

This is very nice.

It has a nice, cheerful look about it.

A lot of sunshine gets in.

And all the modern conveniences,

hot and cold running water. - Yeah.

So I see.

And this is our refrigerator.

It's a nice, big one.

What's that?

Oh, that's an old shoe.

Some of the students like to play little jokes

on each other. Boys will be boys.

No, I mean in the bottle.

Oh, that's a pickled salamander.

We have a lot of medical students in the house.

Well, I'll let you know, there are

a couple of other situations I want to investigate.

Thank you very much.

Doesn't like animals.

Well, I guess you know we're risking our lives.

Well, we've got to get a cook one way or another.

That's right.

It may be a dirty trick, but we're desperate.

I say the end justifies the means.

Look, you guys keep the girls occupied,

and I'll sneak into the kitchen and talk to Mrs. Wilkins.

OK, but whatever we do, let's not

let the girls know what we're up to.

Oh, hi, Ginger.

You keep away from our cook.

Well, evidently the word's gotten around.

Yeah, I guess that does it.

Now, wait a second, fellas.

Let's not give up so easily. Come on.

Follow me. - Where are we going?

To talk to Mrs. Wilkins.

There's more than one way to skin a cat.

Hey, are you sure this is the kitchen?

I'm positive. I used a hash here.

Well, I hope she's here.

Mrs. Wilkins?

Mrs. Wilkins?

Oh, fellas.

Did you boys want something?

Uh, yes, ma'am.

A couple of towels.

Oh, certainly.

I didn't know it was raining.

Oh, hi, Rick.

- Hi, Pop. - A little late.

Dinner's almost ready.

We had another meeting over at the fraternity.

Oh, you haven't been able to find yourselves a cook yet,

huh? - No, not yet.

Believe me.

The guys are really starting to panic.

Well, uh, why don't you get the old cook back, Mrs. Murry?

Well, we've tried, but we haven't been able to find her.

You should see some of the meals the guys fix for themselves.

I'm lucky I only have to eat lunch there.

Oh, hi, Jimmy.

Hi.

I just wanted to return your history book.

Oh, well, thanks.

Oh, this isn't mine.

This is Wally's.

Oh, yeah.

So it is.

How about that?

Uh, come on in.

Well, maybe just for a second.

Hi, Jimmy.

Oh, hi, Mr. Nelson.

Dinner's ready, fellas.

Oh, hi, Mrs. Nelson.

Oh, hello, Jimmy.

Gee, I didn't realize it was dinnertime.

I guess I better be going.

Why don't you stay and eat with us?

Oh, well, gee.

Thanks a lot, Mrs. Nelson.

For a minute there, he was afraid you

weren't going to ask. - Please.

I thought I was being subtle.

- Hi, Wally. - Hi, Rick.

Hi, Wally. Come on in.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Nelson.

I can only stay a minute.

Oh, hi, Jimmy. - Hi, Wally.

Uh, say, I just stopped by to return your economics book,

Rick.

Oh, well, thanks.

Well, this isn't my book. This is Jimmy's.

Oh. Oh.

So it is.

Yeah, and I have your history book.

Oh. Well, I'll be darned.

Well, I guess I'd better be eating-- uh, leaving.

OK, uh, see you later.

Oh, Rick.

Wally?

Uh, yes, Mrs. Nelson?

How about having dinner with us?

Oh, well, thank you very much.

Boy, that sure was good, Mrs. Nelson.

Yeah.

I'd almost forgotten what real food tastes like.

Well, thank you, boys.

Yeah, I must admit that was a good dinner.

- Well, thank you, too. - No, no.

None of that. You sit down and relax.

We'll take care of these. Come on, fellas.

- All right. - Careful.

Don't want to spoil the cook, you know.

Oh, I don't mind.

Boy, I sure wish we could get a cook like Mrs.

Nelson at the fraternity house.

Somebody wake him up. He's dreaming.

This meal was even better than the last one.

I'll bet you they're all this good.

Hey, you don't suppose she'd come over and help out

for a couple of days, do you?

Hey, you think maybe she would?

No, we couldn't ask her that.

Ask her what?

Oh, oh, nothing. Mrs. Nelson.

I kind of thought there was something you wanted to ask me.

Well, there was something that suddenly occurred to us,

but we wouldn't think of asking you.

I think they want you to come over to the fraternity

and cook for us.

Yeah, just for a couple of days.

You know, until we get a regular cook.

Oh, I don't know, boys.

Oh, we'll take care of the shopping and the serving

and the clean-up and everything like that.

- How about it, Mrs. Nelson? - Oh, I don't know, boys.

Looks like you don't have too much choice, Mom.

Either you come over to the fraternity and cook

for the boys or they come over here and have dinner

every night. - Well, OK.

You've got yourselves a cook. - Yay!

Oh, but only for a couple days, now.

Yay!

Uh, fellas.

Uh, what about the dishes?

Oh, don't worry about that. We'll do the dishes.

Oh, good for you.

Uh, the soap's under the sink.

You can start right now.

Bye, dear.

Harriet?

What are you all dressed up for? Well, where are you going?

Over to the fraternity house to get the boys' breakfast.

Oh.

Well, what about my breakfast?

Well, I'll tell you what.

You can either get up now and come over and eat with us,

or you can stay here and get your own breakfast.

Well, what time is it?

Uh, 6 o'clock.

Oh.

Well, just dump some cereal in a bowl.

I know where the milk is.

OK.

Thank you, Mrs. Nelson.

There's plenty of bacon and eggs

in on the dining room table.

Thanks, Mrs. Nelson.

Uh, may I have some pancakes, please, Mrs. Nelson?

And I'm getting some for a friend.

Oh, thank you.

I guess my friend won't need any after all.

Morning, Mrs. Nelson.

Oh, good morning, Charlie.

I got something special for you.

Cornbread and hominy grits.

Doggone.

Nothing beats home cooking.

Hey, what happened to my salamander?

It's all right, boys.

I put it out on the back porch.

Oh.

You had me worried there for a minute.

Darling, I've gone to cook dinner for the boys.

Ahhhh.

Everything all right, boys?

Oh, yeah.

Hey, how about it, you fellas?

Let's hear it for the cook.

Hip hip hooray!

Hip hip hooray!

Hip hip hooray!

Well, thank you.

Come on, Wally, let's go.

Oh, I don't think I can make it.

Hey, give me a hand with Wally, will you?

Easy, boys.

Harriet.

Get that alarm clock.

Harriet.

"Darling, thought you might enjoy breakfast in bed.

Love, me."

Hey, Wally?

That ad for the cook.

What'd you list it under?

Help wanted, I guess.

Well, it isn't here.

It ran out yesterday.

It was only in there for four days.

Well, aren't we going to renew it?

Well, sure.

You were supposed to do that, weren't you, Jimmy?

Uh-uh. Not me.

Charlie was going to do it. - What do you mean?

I thought Joe was supposed to do that.

Not me. Norman's the guy you want?

Who wants me for what?

Hey, where'd you get that drumstick?

From the refrigerator.

Boy, your Mom's the first cook that

ever let us raid the icebox.

Well, that's great, but what about the ad?

- What ad? - Well, for the cook.

You were going to renew it.

Oh, that's right.

Well, first thing in the morning.

Hey, Joe, what about the employment agency?

Did you call them? - Yeah.

What'd they say?

The line was busy.

Oh, great.

Didn't you call them back? - Don't get excited.

I'll call them in the morning. - Relax, Rick.

We're doing everything we can.

Yeah, we interviewed an applicant just this morning.

Well, what about it?

Well, she just didn't look like a very good cook.

Now, look, you guys.

My mother's just helping out for a couple of days.

She can't stay on here forever. - Will you stop worrying, Rick?

We'll get a cook.

Well, I hope so.

- What's with him? - I don't know.

We're doing everything we can.

- Hi, Mom. - Oh, hi, dear.

How are you doing?

Oh, not bad.

Need any help?

No, thank you.

Some of the boys are setting the tables.

This is dragging out a little longer

than you thought, isn't it? - Well, a little.

I guess the boys are having a bad time trying to find a cook.

I've got news for you.

I don't think they're trying too hard.

The food's too good.

Well, in a way, that's a compliment.

I am a little worried about your father, though.

It doesn't seem quite fair to him.

No, it sure doesn't.

He's probably getting pretty tired of doing

all his own cooking.

Say, I wonder if we could have him over here for dinner

tonight. Is there any rule against it?

No. Why don't you call him?

I think I will.

He must be just about out of canned soup and cold cereal

by now.

Hello?

Hi, there.

Well, who's this?

What do you mean, who's this?

Oh, Harriet.

It's been so long, I didn't recognize your voice.

Listen.

I have a wonderful idea for dinner tonight.

Why don't you come over here and eat with the fellows

at the fraternity? - Oh, gee.

I don't know. - Come on, dear.

Put on a pair of dirty pants and an old sweater,

and nobody will know the difference.

Oh, no thanks.

I really don't think so.

We're having an awful good dinner.

Well, I'm going to have quite a dinner here, too.

What is it?

Oh, uh, prime ribs medium rare,

mashed potatoes, asparagus tips with hollandaise sauce,

and Yorkshire pudding.

- Oh, come on now. - No, no, no, no.

Really. I'll be all right.

Are you sure?

Oh, sure.

But thanks for calling.

Well, OK.

Bye.

Bye.

Well, what'd he say? Is he coming over?

No, he's not.

And I can't quite figure it.

Well, if anything's wrong, uh, why don't you go on home, Mom?

Oh, dear, I can't do that.

I've just gotten dinner started.

We're going to have ham and candied

yams and homemade biscuits and all the stuff that

goes with it.

- Well, what about Pop? - Well--

Mrs. Nelson, what are we having for dinner tonight?

Oh, it's right there on the stove, boys.

Hey, ham.

Oh, boy!

That's right.

Ham and cheese sandwiches. There's the ham.

The cheese is in the refrigerator,

and the bread is in the bread box.

I've got to get home. Ricky, would you drive me?

I haven't got my car. - OK.

I'll see you tomorrow, fellas.

What happened?

Well, I'm not sure, but I have a feeling we better

get that ad back in the paper.

I hope he hasn't started dinner yet.

Yeah.

That you, Harriet?

Yes, dear.

Rick brought me over.

Well, hi, dear. Hi, Rick.

Hi, Pop.

I brought you some things for dinner.

Oh, well, that was very thoughtful of you,

but it really wasn't necessary.

I told you, I'm having a wonderful dinner.

Oh, who do you think you're kidding?

Well, come on in and see for yourselves.

Well, what's this?

Uh, let's see.

This is, uh, roast beef, mashed potatoes, asparagus--

- I know that-- ---dipped in hollandaise sauce.

--but where did it all come from?

Well, I wasn't going to tell you, but I hired a cook.

Hired a cook?

Well, I had to do something.

Mrs. Murry?

Mr. Nelson.

- Uh, this is Mrs. Nelson. - How do you do?

- How do you do? - And this is Ricky.

Well, hi, Mrs. Murry.

Oh, do you two know each other?

Well, yeah.

Mrs. Murry was our cook at the fraternity.

Uh, that was before I terminated my services.

Gee, we've been looking all over for you.

We want you to come back with us.

Oh, thanks, Rick, but I'm afraid that's impossible.

Believe me, it's much more pleasant cooking

for one gentleman than for 40 wild Indians.

You're so right.

I guess it doesn't make any difference anyway.

I understand they already have a cook.

Oh, but I hear she's not very good.

I'll bet you can get your job back.

Oh, no, thanks.

You have to be the chef at the Waldorf to please that bunch.

We're having cold cuts tonight.

Cold cuts on a chilly night like this?

That's terrible.

Oh, it isn't quite that bad.

Well, it certainly is.

What's that cook trying to do to my boys?

They need good, nourishing food.

What are we going to do?

Yeah.

It's the way it goes.

And what about Charlie?

What's he going to eat tonight?

You know cold cuts don't agree with him.

I know.

And I'll bet she doesn't even make hot chocolate for the boys

that have to study late.

Why, I don't remember any hot chocolate.

Well, I think it's a good idea,

and I'm going to start doing it as soon as I get back there.

Uh, Mrs. Murry?

I'm sorry, Mr. Nelson, but I think

I better go back and take care of my boys.

Sounds like they need me.

We sure do, Mrs. Murry.

- The coffee's on the stove. - Oh, you go right ahead.

Don't you worry. I'll take care of everything.

- Thanks, Mrs. Nelson. - I'll drive you over.

Thanks. Goodbye, folks.

Goodbye.

I don't know what the boys are talking about.

This cooking looks wonderful to me.

Uh, well, you know how it is.

They probably wanted a change.

Everybody gets tired of the same old cooking night after night.

Oh?

You finally get a good cook, and she walks out on you.

Is that so?

But fortunately, you came back.

Summertime, and the livin' is easy.

Fish are jumpin', and the cotton is high.

Your dad is rich, and your ma is good-lookin'.

So hush, little baby.

Don't you cry.

One of these mornings, you're gonna rise up singin'.

You're gonna spread your wings and take to the sky.

But until that morning, you know nothin'

gonna harm you 'cause your daddy and mommy, they're standing by.

Well, one of these mornings, you're gonna rise up singin'.

Gonna spread your wings and take to the sky.

But until that mornin', well, there's nothing gonna harm you

with your daddy and mommy, they're standing by all

summertime now.

In summertime.

Well, summertime now.

In summertime.