Original subtitles

"The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet," starring

the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie, here's Harriet, here's David, and here's Ricky.

Here they are, America's favorite family, the Nelson's.

Hi, Mrs. Nelson.

Oh, hi, Barry.

What you doing?

Oh, just putting some boxes away.

Morton didn't come over here, did he?

Well, I'm not sure.

I saw Billy Wilson a little while ago.

I'm looking for Morton.

I don't think I know him.

Does he live around here?

Yeah, he lives in my garage.

Your garage?

Yeah, he's my pet rat.

You mean he got loose?

Yes, ma'am, about an hour ago.

Well, what makes you think you came over here?

He likes garages.

Well, I haven't seen him.

If you see him, don't pick him up.

He's afraid of people.

Oh, you can be sure of that.

Will you call me if you find him?

- I promise. - Bye.

Bye.

Oh, here he is, fellas.

A couple of friends of yours looking for you, Barry.

Hey, we've found Morton.

Oh, good, where is he?

I put him back in his cage.

Where'd you find him?

My Mom found him in our shower.

Is he OK?

Oh, yeah, he's fine.

How's your mother?

Well, the doctor says she'll be OK, too.

You ought to train him better so he won't run away.

He is trained.

You ought to see him, Mr. Nelson.

He does some good tricks.

I'll bet he does.

So does my dog.

You ought to see him beg for food.

Anybody can have a dog.

You ought to see my turtle.

He can't do any tricks.

Can so.

You can paint stuff on his back.

That's not a trick.

It sounds like you guys have the start of a menagerie

in the neighborhood.

Do you have any pets, Mr. Nelson?

Well, not right now.

When Dave and Rick were small, they

used to bring home all sorts of animals.

Stray cats, rabbits, frogs.

Stevie has a rabbit.

Oh, I thought he had a hamster.

He's got one of them, too.

Oh.

You guys ought to give a pet show.

Hey, yeah, that sounds like fun.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

How do you do it?

Well, it's easy.

Everybody brings his pets over to somebody's backyard

so people can see them.

Maybe we could give prizes.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

Yeah, why don't we do it, Barry?

OK.

Let's go ask the other guys about it.

Mr. Nelson?

Yeah?

Can you enter a mosquito in a pet show?

Oh, I don't think so.

That's good.

It's a great day for golf.

Go ahead and play.

Oh, I've got a few too many things to do around here.

I've been putting them off for too long.

Well, you painted the screens.

I think that's enough for one weekend.

Well, I know, but the lawn needs mowing,

the hedge needs to be trimmed, and the flowerbeds

could stand some work.

Oh, go on.

Go ahead and play golf.

It seems to me we've had this discussion before but we've

always been on opposite sides.

Oh, it's such a nice day.

Besides, they're having a sale down at the Emporium

and I'd just as soon you weren't home when I get back.

You know, I think you've talked me into it.

Was there ever any doubt about it?

Not much.

I wonder who that could be?

I don't see anybody.

Oh, hi, fellas, Come on in.

Hi, Mr. Nelson.

We came over to tell you the news.

We're going to have a pet show.

Oh, well, good for you.

What's this about a pet show?

We're going to have one.

It was Mr. Nelson's idea.

I figured the boys have enough pets around here,

so they might as well put on a little show.

Well, yeah. It sounds like fun.

When are you going to have it?

Tomorrow afternoon.

Well, be sure and let us know where it is so we can come over

and see it. - Oh, you'll see it, all right.

We're going to have it in your backyard.

Our back yard?

Our back yard?

Yeah, we figured that was only fair since it was your idea.

Well, gee, that's very nice, but I don't know, fellas.

We already voted.

Yeah, it was unanimous.

Well, as I say, it was very thoughtful of you guys.

It's OK, isn't it, Mr. Nelson?

Well, OK, I guess so.

If it's OK with Mrs. Nelson.

- Gee, thanks a lot. - Yeah.

Thanks a lot.

Well, how many pets are you going to have here?

Oh, about 10 or 20, maybe even 40.

Oh, well, I guess if you guys have already decided.

I think it'll be all right.

Gee, you sure are a good sport, Mrs. Nelson.

Well, we had a couple little fellas around here ourselves

not too long ago.

Where are they now?

She means David and Ricky.

What are you fellas going to give for prizes?

Gee, I don't know.

Well, they usually have ribbons.

Blue ribbons for first prize, and so on.

I tell you what, fellas, don't you worry about it.

We'll take care of the ribbons.

Gee, thanks a lot.

You really are a good sport, Mrs. Nelson.

Thank you, dear.

Maybe you ought to have something besides the ribbons.

You know, a grand prize.

How about the winner getting a ticket

to the movies and all the ice cream he can eat?

Yeah, that sounds great!

Only thing, though, they won't let my turtle in the movies.

You mean, if he wins.

Well, besides, the prize is for the owner.

Look, why don't you go over and tell the rest of the guys

about it? - Yeah, that's a good idea.

Come on, Kim.

Thanks a lot.

Yeah, thanks, Mr. Nelson.

So long.

So long.

Well, looks like we're going to have a pet show in our backyard

tomorrow.

Yeah, it looks like it, doesn't it?

I suppose all the parents will be coming over.

Oh, that's for sure.

I'll go up and change my clothes.

What for?

Well, to play golf.

I thought you said the yard was a mess.

Well, yeah, but you said for me

to forget it and go play golf.

Well, that was before your idea of having

a pet show in the backyard.

Well, what's that got to do with it?

Well, there'll be a lot of people coming over here.

The lawn needs cutting, the hedges have to be trimmed,

the flower beds need attention, and the fence

has to be painted.

The fence?

That wasn't on the list.

It is now.

Harriet, I'm going to play golf.

I'm not going to mow the lawn.

Hi, Pop.

Oh, hi, Rick.

Hey, the backyard looks darn good.

Oh, thanks. I'm just about finished now.

Yeah, I figured that.

Otherwise, I wouldn't have shown up.

Well, I'm kind of getting used to that.

Yeah, I understand we're playing host to a pet show here

tomorrow. - Oh, yeah.

Where'd you hear about it?

Well, from about 14 kids and a couple of talking dogs.

Talking dogs, huh?

Well, they weren't talking to me.

They were discussing it among themselves.

Oh, well, I guess most of the neighborhood's

going to be over here.

Gee, how do you get yourself into these things, Pop?

Oh, well, actually I'm looking forward to it.

I think it'll be a lot of fun.

Well, if there's anything I can do to help,

just let me finish.

Finish mowing the lawn for me?

- Ozzie? - Yeah?

How will these do for the ribbons?

They're a little long, aren't they?

I haven't cut them yet.

Oh.

As if you didn't know.

- They'll do fine. - Hi, Harriet.

Hi, Oz. - Oh, hi, fellas.

- Hi, fellas. - Where do we put these?

Oh, just set them down anyplace.

I'll arrange them in the morning.

I haven't got the card tables yet.

The girls are playing bridge at my house.

Oh, that's OK.

There's no hurry.

Oh, Harriet, Marianne said she'll bring

the cupcakes and the lemonade.

Oh, well, she doesn't have to do that.

It's no trouble.

She'd love to, but she'd like to borrow that large thermos

of yours, if it's OK. - Oh, sure.

- I'll get it for you, Mom. - Thanks, Rick.

Hey, you guys, come on, let's set up the tables.

Oz won't let us.

He wants to do everything himself.

Are you kidding? I haven't done anything yet.

What do you mean?

You mowed the lawn, trimmed the bushes.

Yeah, you even painted the fence.

Well, I had to do all that stuff anyway.

Oh, that reminds me, I must thank the kids

for having the pet show here in the backyard.

Will you get out of the way, please?

After all, these are our kids.

The least we can do is give you a hand here.

Come on, Oz. Sit down over here.

What?

I ought to do something.

Well, as a matter of fact, we were talking

about that on the way over.

There is one little thing you might be able to do for us.

Just name it.

Well, you'll be the only one who doesn't have

a kid with a pet in the show.

Well, yeah, that's right.

What do you want me to do?

Well, we thought you might enjoy being the judge.

Oh.

Then it's all settled.

Congratulations, Oz.

I know you'll be fair and impartial.

Congratulations.

What are you watching, Rick?

Oh, it's very interesting, Pop.

What happened?

Well, the mob just rubbed out old Judge Turner.

They didn't like one of his decisions.

Oh?

I think he was judging a pet show.

OK.

Don't worry, Pop.

You'll probably be luckier.

I think it's going to be a lot of fun.

- Dinner's ready, you guys. - OK.

Come on, Rick.

And here, dear, this is for you.

Oh.

It's your official badge.

Oh, well, thank you.

You shouldn't have done it.

That's very impressive.

Raise your right hand, Pop.

Do you swear to be fair and impartial

and not to take any bribes over $0.05?

I do and I really don't need this beautiful identification.

Well, of course, you do.

We want the winners to know who to thank.

And more important, the losers to know who to blame.

Well, I'm just going to call them as I see them

and let the chips fall where they may.

That's what old Sourpuss Stevens said.

Sourpuss Stevens? Who's he?

Well, you remember, the old guy who

used to live up on the corner.

The man who judged the pet show we had when we were kids.

Well, yeah, but I don't remember

you calling him Old Sourpuss.

Oh, sure.

We all did after he finished judging the contest.

Who do you think you're kidding?

He's not kidding.

I remember it, too.

We'll see.

Who you calling, Pop?

Never mind.

Don't anybody say anything.

Dave?

Oh, hi, Pop.

We're having a little discussion here

and Rick and your mother are trying to put me on.

- No, we're not. - We are not.

No coaching.

Are you there, Dave?

Go ahead, I'm listening.

Now, think back.

Do you know anybody who used to be called Old Sourpuss?

Oh, sure, old Sourpuss Stevens,

the man who judged our pet show when we were kids.

What'd he say, Pop?

What's this all about?

Well--

Dave, I'd like you to meet our new candidate for sourpuss.

Oh, come on, Rick.

Will you stop this nonsense and let's have some dinner, please?

See, Mom, what'd I tell you?

Oh, good morning, Pop.

Oh, good morning.

- You ready for your big day? - Yeah, I think so.

Thank you.

You don't look like you lost too much sleep.

No.

As a matter of fact, I slept pretty well.

Anything special you want for breakfast?

You can get anything you want on your last day.

Oh.

No, this looks fine to me.

OK.

Now, Rick, I've been thinking, don't you

think you kids were a little unfair to poor old Mr. Stevens

to call him sourpuss?

You know how kids are, Pop.

Every kid thinks his pet is the best in the world.

Well, yeah, I know that.

Besides, they all go to a lot of trouble.

I remember we gave Nick a bath and brushed him

and bought a new collar for him.

You taught him a couple of new tricks, as I recall.

And you know who won?

A chipmunk.

Well, some of those chipmunks can be pretty cute.

Besides, I'm not too worried.

I think I've thought of a pretty good solution.

What's that?

Well, I'm going to make you all deputy judges.

Give this to your mother, Rick.

Here's one for you.

And I've got one for Dave.

Official badges.

Oh, gee, thanks, Pop, but I'm going to be busy.

Oh, me, too.

That's right, busy judging the pet show with me.

Now, will you please raise your right hand

so I can swear you in?

Ah ah, your right hands.

Now, repeat after me.

How's that look, Pop?

That looks fine.

Have you figured out how you're

going to arrange the pet show.

Well, I figured we'd put the dogs there and the cats here.

Next to the dogs?

Yeah, I see what you mean.

Well, why don't we put the cats up here with the--

The goldfish and the birds?

Well, we'll figure out something.

Oh, hi, Laurie.

Hi, Mr. Nelson.

Hi, Laurie.

You're a little early for the pet show.

The judging isn't until this afternoon right after lunch.

I know.

I just thought I'd come over so you could see Debbie.

She's going to be in the show.

Oh, well, isn't she cute?

Oh.

Look at this cute little bow.

I got one, too.

Oh, yes.

Well, you're both a couple of very cute girls.

You're the judge, aren't you?

Well, we're all going to be judges.

Does Debbie get first prize?

Well, I don't know yet.

You see, we haven't seen the other pets.

Well, I've seen them all and I like Debbie best.

Well, we'll see.

Well, there you are.

Oh, hi, Jack.

Hi, fellas.

Run along home, Laurie.

Lunch is almost ready. - OK.

Bye.

Bye.

That's quite a girl you've got there.

Thanks.

I gather she was over here trying to influence your vote.

Well, maybe just a little.

Can't say as I blame her, though.

That's just about the smartest little kitten

I've ever seen in my life.

And did you notice the cute little face on it?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, she's real cute.

Almost looks as if she's going to talk to you.

Laurie saved up her own money to buy her, you know.

Oh, is that right?

Yeah.

She sure would be thrilled if she won.

Oh, yeah, I imagine so.

Well, I guess I better get going.

See you later. - OK.

Nice to see you, Jack.

You know, I have a feeling this is going to get worse

before it gets better.

Hi, Mrs. Nelson.

Hello, Barry, come on in.

Is it time for the pet show yet?

Well, no.

That's not till after lunch.

Oh.

Hey, would you like to keep Morton until then so you

could get to know him better?

No, I don't think that'd be quite fair.

I just gave him a shampoo.

Here, smell it.

Oh.

I'll take your word for it.

You bring him back later.

OK. Bye.

Goodbye.

Who was that?

Another pressure group.

Oh, hi, Barry.

Oh, hi.

I thought maybe Mr. Nelson would answer.

I'll see you later.

Well, hello there.

Did you ring the bell all by yourself?

You're a pretty clever dog.

Shake hands.

Shake hands.

Now don't tell anybody.

I'm not supposed to shake hands with any dogs

till after the contest.

Would you see who's at the back door, Rick?

OK.

I'll get it.

Oh!

Sorry, Mom.

I just thought it'd be kind of a funny gag.

May I have your attention, please?

May I have your attention, please, everybody?

I'd like to welcome you all to the First Annual Nelson

Backyard Pet Show.

And probably the last.

Naturally, we'll try to be as fair and impartial as possible,

and I want to remind you that there'll

be ribbons for the winners.

Mr. Nelson?

Yeah?

What about the grand prize?

Oh, for the grand prize, the lucky winner

will get all the ice cream he can eat

and a free trip to the movies.

OK, now, all you kids stand right next to your pets.

And if the judges will follow me,

we'll get on with the judging, OK?

Well, what have we here?

- He's a dog. - He sure is.

He's a beautiful dog.

Oh, he certainly is.

Speak.

Speak.

Well, sometimes he speaks.

He's a nice boy. What's his name?

Cindy.

Hi, Cindy.

Stop scratching.

- Hi, Rick. - Hi.

Hey, what's this, a skunk?

Yeah, but don't worry.

He's been fumigated.

I hope so.

Oh, yeah.

Let me see.

What is it?

A Black Widow spider.

Oh.

That sure is a pretty parrot.

Thank you.

Can he talk?

Oh, sure, he talks a lot.

What can he say?

I don't know.

I can't understand him.

Here kitty, kitty, kitty.

Well, do you think we missed anybody?

I don't think so, Oz.

Have you decided on a winner yet?

Well, we're going to have a little meeting

and try and do that right now.

It's going to be pretty close.

Help yourself to refreshments, everybody.

- I'll take care of it, Harriet. - Thanks, Russ.

- Good luck, guys. - We'll need it.

Anybody got any suggestions?

Yeah, let's all leave town.

I mean, besides that.

You got a better idea?

Well, let's kind of look over the situation here.

We've got three ribbons, first, second, and third.

Now we have to figure out who the winners are.

That's our problem.

You can say that again.

Well, first you've got to forget

about which kid owns which pet.

And which parent owns which kid.

And then decide which pets we think

are entitled to the prizes.

And then resign yourself to being called Sourpuss Nelson

for the rest of your life.

Goes for all of us.

Well, the worst part of it is how do you judge

between a spider and a turtle?

Or a dog and a cat, for that matter?

Hey, wait a second.

I think you've got the answer.

What was that again?

Well, have you got any more of this blue ribbon?

Sure, lots of it.

And a couple of pens and some black ink and some small

cardboards?

May I have your attention, please?

You'll be glad to know that the judges have finally

reached a decision.

But first, I have a little explanation to make.

Because there was such a variety of pets,

we decided to divide the awards into various categories.

May I have it real nice and quiet,

please, while we announce the winners.

Thank you.

Now, our first general classification is dogs.

The category is biggest dog.

The winner, Jackie Miller.

Next, the blue ribbon for the smallest dog, Billy Wilson.

And now the blue ribbon for the winner, dog

with the most fleas, Mike Wagner.

And now in the cat category, the winner, the highest climbing

cat.

Where is she, Laurie?

She went up on the roof again.

I'll get the ladder, Pop.

This one's on me.

Laurie Nelson.

Now the blue ribbon for the sweetest smelling white rat,

Barry Martin.

Well, that concludes the awards.

Congratulations to all the winners.

Mr. Nelson?

Yeah?

Everybody won.

By golly, that's right.

Well, that was good thinking, Oz.

Congratulations.

Oh, thanks.

There wasn't much else we could do.

It's kind of a tough spot to be in.

I don't blame you.

I think it was a perfect solution.

- Mr. Nelson? - Pardon.

Yeah?

Who wins the grand prize?

Grand prize?

Yeah, the free trip to the movies this afternoon

and all the ice cream you can eat.

Oh, I forgot all about it.

Thanks, Barry.

May I have your attention again, please?

May I have your attention?

I've just been reminded that a grand prize was

promised, free ice cream and a trip to the movies

this afternoon.

So will the judges please report to the house

again while we make our decision?

Now, don't go home, anybody.

Remember the lucky boy or girl gets a free trip

to the movies and all the ice cream you can eat.

Be right back.

Mr. Nelson?

Yeah?

Have you seen Morton?

Who's Morton?

He's my white rat.

He got out of my pocket and I can't find him.

I guess somebody must have found him.

Hey, which one of you guys lost a frog?

Lucky star, shine on me.

Lucky star, don't you see?

I need your light shining bright to win her love for me tonight.

Lucky star in the sky, don't let her love pass me by.

No matter how near or far, won't you be my lucky star?

Ooh.

I'm wishing on you.

Ooh.

I promise I'll be true.

Lucky star up above, please help me win her love.

Tell me what my chances are.

Won't you be my lucky star?

Won't you be my lucky star?