Original subtitles

"The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet," starring

the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie.

Here's Harriet.

Here's David.

And here's Ricky.

Here they are, America's favorite family, the Nelson's.

Yes, I know.

Well, maybe we'll think of something by tomorrow morning.

OK, Clara, I'll see you then.

Bye-bye.

What was that all about?

Oh, that was Clara.

We're still trying to decide what to give Mrs. Peabody.

You haven't gotten anything for her yet?

Not yet.

Well, gee, the dinner's tomorrow night, isn't it?

It sure is.

We just can't think of anything appropriate.

You know, she has just about everything.

Well, how about a nice gavel?

That's sort of traditional for the retiring president,

isn't it?

Well, we've already given her two of those.

You know, she's been president four times and secretary twice.

It sounds like she must be tired.

How about a nice king-sized bed and some sleeping pills?

Thanks a lot, you're a great help.

Oh, and speaking of sleeping, will you

make sure I'm up by 10 o'clock?

I'm supposed to play golf with Joe tomorrow morning.

10 o'clock?

I was hoping you'd be out of here by 9:30.

On a Saturday morning?

What for?

Well, the committee's coming over for an emergency meeting.

And I'd like to get you and your suggestions out of here.

Hey, Mom, what's the big rush?

Well, I want to get this kitchen

cleaned up before the girls get here.

I'll eat that.

No, no, no, didn't you have any breakfast at home?

No, Clara said she didn't have time.

She had to come over here to the meeting.

What kind of rumors are you spreading now?

- Nothing, dear. - Hi, Clara.

Hi, Clara.

Hi.

Any of the other girls here yet?

Nope, you're the first one.

Come on, Oz, let's get out of here.

OK, OK.

Oh, you better get some gas.

We need some?

Well, the last time I looked, it was halfway between empty

and positively.

Oh, and don't forget to

It sounds like our house.

What are you laughing at?

I got us a very nice hairdryer with some of those stamps.

I know, and I use it every night.

Why don't we get something with some

of those stamps you've got, Harriet?

You must have about 50 books stashed around here.

You do?

Oh, not quite.

Look, if there's something you want, why don't you

go ahead and use them?

I may surprise you and do that one of these days.

You got your golf clubs?

- They're out in the car. - Bye, we'll see you later.

- Bye. - Bye.

Bye.

Hey, wait a minute.

Where are you guys going to play golf?

Clara, it doesn't make any difference.

They don't give stamps for playing golf.

Sally.

Thanks, Harriet.

Well, has anybody got any suggestions at all?

How about you, Clara?

Gee, I don't know.

I don't know whether we should get her something for her house

or something personal.

Well, Connie and I were over there last week.

And I'll tell you this much, it's not going to be easy.

She has just about everything.

Well, I noticed a couple of little things,

like she ran short of bridge pads,

and she was looking for a wastebasket

and had to go all the way upstairs to find one.

Well, I suppose we could give her

a lot of small, useful gifts, but somehow it

doesn't seem appropriate.

Say, wait a minute.

Didn't she mention one time about wanting a silver coffee

service?

Yeah, it seems to me I remember that.

It was right after we gave her the second gavel.

That would be a lovely gift, but I'm

afraid we don't have that much money in the treasury.

- How much would that cost? - Too much.

Say, wait a minute, I have an idea.

What's that, Harriet?

Well, this is a savings stamp catalog.

I know I saw a silver coffee service in here.

Yeah, here it is, look.

Oh, it's beautiful.

Look, Connie.

Oh, yes.

But how do we get it?

Well, it's only 70 books.

Only?!

It took me a year to save up enough stamps for a hairdryer.

Well, that's because you were doing it alone.

Now, if every girl in the club donated a couple of books,

we'd have more than enough.

Oh, I think that's a wonderful idea, Harriet.

The only thing, though, will we

have enough time to collect all the books

and get the present by tonight?

We will if we get started right now.

Well, OK then, let's get busy.

I've got two books at home.

Well, I imagine almost everybody has.

It's just a question of rounding them up.

Who are you calling, Clara?

I'm calling--

I'm calling myself.

I guess there's nobody home.

I know, I can say that again.

Hey, Oz, have you got any tees?

Yeah, right in the pocket there.

Just help yourself.

Something's wrong with this zipper.

Oh, that's been stuck for quite a while.

The seam is ripped along the side there.

Though, just stick your hand right in.

Hey, you know, that's pretty clever.

Why don't you get this sewed up, Oz?

Are you kidding?

Then how would you get anything out of the pocket?

He's got a point there.

Say, here's a pretty crazy thought.

Why don't you have the zipper fixed?

I've got a better idea.

Why don't you treat yourself to a new golf bag?

How long have you had this antique, Oz?

Will you guys stop worrying about my golf bag?

It's like an old friend.

I like it.

Come on, let's go.

Oh, well, that's just wonderful, Jane.

Yes, I understand.

I'll be over to pick them up.

Thanks a lot.

Bye.

Hi, Clara. - Hi.

Who was that? - Jane Andrews.

She's promised us four books.

Oh, wonderful!

Look what I've got. - Where did all those come from?

Sally collected them.

And she's on her way over to Mrs. Miller's to get some more.

Oh, good.

Oh, now, let's see how many have we got so far?

I've got six here.

That makes 23 and promises for the rest.

Harriet, I can't believe it.

We better start rounding up the rest of those books that

have been promised. - Yeah, OK.

Oz, better take your clubs now before you forget them.

That's a good idea.

This is my 5-iron.

Oh, yeah.

Here you are, Oz.

And I think that's your number 7 here.

Darb, don't you think we ought to charge

a caddie fee for this?

I sure do.

Which reminds me, you guys each owe me $1 and a half.

You didn't pay off your bets.

OK, we'll call it even.

Not quite.

I think we each deserve a cup of coffee out of this.

That's a wonderful idea.

OK, come on.

That makes $2 a piece.

We charge $0.50 for coffee.

What did he say?

I didn't hear a thing.

Here you are, Oz, it's on the house.

Thank you.

Hey, Oz, there's a pretty good looking golf bag in here.

Hey, that is a good looking bag.

- How much is it? - Seven and a half books.

Books?

Yeah, this is a savings stamps catalog.

Well, there you are, Oz.

You can get yourself a new golf bag free.

Yeah, how about it?

Harriett didn't tell me they had golf stuff down there.

That figures.

Up until last week, I thought hairdryers were

the only thing you could get.

How many books do you have, Oz?

Well, I don't have any.

Harriet's the one that saves them.

She said you could use them. I heard her.

Yeah, but if she's anything like Sally,

she probably keeps them hidden where you can't find them.

No, they're right back in that drawer here someplace, I think.

Clara wanted to keep ours in a safe deposit box

until she found out I had a key.

Hey, come here, you guys.

Look at these.

Holy smokes!

What are you doing, Oz, hoarding them?

No, I didn't know we had all these.

There must be over 20 books in there.

It would only take seven and a half for this golf bag.

Why don't you get it, Oz?

Oh, gee, I don't know.

Harriet said you could use them.

Well, I know she did.

Then go ahead, Oz.

After all, you're the guy who bought the stuff that

paid for all those stamps.

Well, yeah, you got a point there.

She sure has enough books here.

Sure, she won't even miss them.

You only need a couple.

Seven and a half.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.

Now, how do I get a half a book?

Get a load of this fishing reel.

It's only four and a half books.

Oz, take 12 books and that'll take care of the extra half.

And here's a good looking bowling bag.

That only takes two.

Well, yeah, but I don't need a bowling bag.

No, but I do.

How about taking a couple of extra books down there for me?

Wait a second, you guys, these aren't your books.

Well, no, but we've got books at home.

We'll pay you back.

Well, how do I know you've got books at home?

Everybody has them.

- You're such a tightwad, Oz.

You'd think you were lending us money.

Well, that isn't the point.

Harriet's probably saving these for something special.

Well, if she was, she would have mentioned it this morning,

wouldn't she? She said to help yourself.

I was there.

I heard her.

Come on, Joe, we're just wasting our time here.

After all, I can pick up a bowling bag anytime.

Oh, sure, and I can get a reel the next time

they have a sale at the Emporium.

But what about this golf bag of Oz?

Now, he needs one right away.

Yeah, but why use up your wife's savings stamps

for a golf bag when you can buy one

at the club for only 55 bucks?

I think they're 75.

Oh, I guess you're right.

Oh, by the way, Oz, here's that dollar and a half I owe you.

How much is he charging for coffee?

$0.50 a cup.

That'll be $2 apiece.

OK, you guys.

Yeah.

Attaboy, Oz.

How many books are we going to take?

Well, just to be on the safe side,

why don't we take them all?

Now you're talking.

I'll be honest with you, I didn't

realize you had such nice things down here.

Oh, yes, we carry only the finest merchandise.

Beautiful bag, isn't it?

Oh, yeah, it's just beautiful.

Well, I'll take that.

Now, how much does that come to, the bag, the bowling bag,

and the fishing reel he's got over there?

That'll be 14 books.

14...

That's...

Excuse me a moment.

Hey, Oz, what are we going to do with the rest of the books?

Well, take them home, I guess.

Say, Oz?

Do you mind if I borrow two more books?

I'd like to get this bow and arrow set.

- Two more?

I'll give them back to you as soon as we get home.

Hey, Oz, give me a couple of more books too, will you?

I'd kind of like to have one of these myself.

Now, look, you guys, we didn't come down here just

to spend all these books.

Well, then what did we come down here for?

Come on, Oz, I'll pay you back.

You know, this is something I've always wanted,

but it's just one of those things

you don't go out and buy.

Here you are, sir.

Yes, sir.

And what are these for?

I'd like to have two books worth of those golf balls.

OK, fine.

Attaboy, Oz.

Well, I figure as long as I've got the new golf bag,

I might as well get some balls to go with it.

That's the spirit, Oz.

How many books have we got left?

Three.

Well, let's see what else we can get.

I think I'll get something for Harriet.

Oh, that's fine, Oz, but how are we

going to look if we don't bring our wives something?

Joe's right, Oz.

This could be very embarrassing.

Say, what do you have for one book apiece?

This is a nice little item, very popular.

- We'll take three of them. - Now, now, now, wait a second.

What are those?

French fry cutters.

OK.

Harriet, I can't find the stamp books.

I put them right in here.

Hey, they aren't here!

Well, they must be here someplace.

Did you look in the bread box? That's where I put mine.

I just looked in there.

This is ridiculous.

They were here an hour ago.

They wouldn't be in the refrigerator, would they?

- Oh, Clara. - Hi, girls.

- Hi. - Hi, fellas.

Look at my new golf bag.

Look at what Darb and I got, bows and arrows.

Good for you, Robin Hood, but we're busy.

What are you looking for?

Our savings stamp books.

Savings stamps?

We collected over 20 of them and now we can't find them.

They've disappeared.

They were here a little while ago, and now they're gone.

Oh.

Wait a minute, what's that stuff you guys have here?

Yeah, what are you doing with that silly bow and arrow set?

Do you like it?

It only cost me two books.

Two books!

You guys took our books!

Well, wait a minute, Clara.

They weren't our books.

They were Oz's. - They were not.

They belonged to the Woman's Club.

We collected them to get a gift for Mrs. Peabody.

Well, why didn't you say something?

You don't suppose she'd like a couple of bow and arrow sets,

do you? - No, she wouldn't.

Did you fellas spend all the books?

Well, now, now, wait a second, it's not as bad as it sounds.

The boys are going to pay me back for the books they spent.

With what?!

Our books were in there, too.

Well, gee, I'm sorry.

But, Harriet, you did say this morning

that I could use the books any time I wanted.

I know, but only five and a half books were ours.

Well, the way I figure it, we're short 23 books.

You guys owe us 23 books.

Couldn't you collect some more books from the Women's Club?

No, we've already collected from every member in town.

We needed 70 books for a silver coffee service.

And we had them until you guys came along and blew them

all in on yourselves.

Now, wait a minute.

We didn't blow them all in on ourselves.

We only spent 23.

And not all on ourselves.

That's right.

We bought you girls some very nice little presents, too.

Like what?

These dandy little French fry cutters.

Big spenders.

They cost one book.

Now, take it easy, girls.

Remember, we're armed.

We'd like to return these, please.

What's wrong with them?

There's nothing wrong with them,

it's just we'd like to return them and get our stamps back.

Well, I'd like to help you--

We'd be glad to put them back in the boxes.

Oh, that's not the point.

It's against our company policy.

Besides, when you turned the stamps in, I canceled them.

So you see, I couldn't return them to you

even if I wanted to.

I'm terribly sorry.

Excuse me.

Well, what are we going to do?

We'll just have to go home and tell the wives we

couldn't get the stamps back. - You go home and tell 'em.

Not me, boy.

Say, maybe we could buy a silver coffee service.

Are you kidding?

It'd cost us about $75 apiece.

Well, we got to do something.

Wait a second, these things are still just like new.

Maybe we could trade them off to somebody for some stamp books.

Yeah, if we could find somebody

who'd be interested in them.

It's worth a try.

Excuse me, would you be interested in a nice bow

and arrow set?

I beg your pardon.

Were you going in the stamp store?

Yes, I was. Why?

Oh, good afternoon, sir.

Could I interest you in a brand new fishing reel?

No, I don't believe so.

You can have it for one book less than on the inside.

No, thanks, just the same.

Well, how about a nice bowling bag?

No, thanks.

A couple of bow and arrow sets?

No, really, my wife just sent me down

to pick up a little French fry cutter.

Oh, we can let you have three for the price of one.

No, really, gentlemen, I believe

I'd rather deal through the regular channels.

Thanks, just the same.

Oh, I don't know, Oz.

I don't like this.

Oh, we can't chicken out now.

Go ahead, Darb, you try it.

OK, fellas, what's going on here?

- Oh, good afternoon, officer. - Officer.

Good afternoon, sir.

What's going on here?

Uh, what do you mean?

We've had a lot of complaints about you guys.

Don't you know it's against the law

to pedal anything on the street without a license?

We're not peddling anything.

Then what are you doing?

We're just-- tell him, Darb.

Yeah, well, we're just--

Mr. Nelson here is the ringleader.

Please, officer, let me explain.

Yes, I wish you would.

Well, see, our wives had saved up

a bunch of these stamp books.

So we took the books next door and turned them

in for a lot of stuff.

And when we got back home, we found out

that the wives didn't like the idea.

So now we're trying to exchange the stuff back for stamps

to take to our wives.

So you see, we're not actually selling anything.

No money changed hands, just these savings stamps.

In fact, we're losing money--

stamps.

And we've got to have the stamps by tonight.

See, we've managed to get rid of everything except this fishing

reel and a couple of little things here.

Well, that's a pretty nice looking reel you got.

Oh, it's really a beauty.

Never been used?

No, we just got it a couple of hours ago.

How much was it?

Four and a half books.

But since it's secondhand, we'll let it go for four.

You got a deal.

Great.

But you'll have to pick up the books at my house.

Oh, that's OK.

Say, Officer, you don't happen to have a little boy, do you?

Yes, I do.

Why?

Maybe he'd like a nice bow and arrow set.

OK.

A book and a half.

It's a deal.

Of course, then, maybe I should pick up something for the wife.

French fry cutters.

The women are all crazy about them.

Three for the price of one.

Yeah, well, thanks anyway.

So long, Doc.

No luck, huh?

No, it's the same story with all the guys.

Their wives have already collected all their books.

Hey, you guys, I got two more books.

Oh, good. Where did you get them?

- Who cares? - Well, I care.

I got them from my mother-in-law.

Now I have to take it with us on our next vacation.

We're still short one book.

Hey, look, why don't we all go down to the gas station

and buy some gas.

That'd only give us a couple of pages.

Well, we better do something because the store

closes in a half an hour.

Oh, hi.

Oh, hi, Rick.

Hey, where'd you get all the stamp books?

Oh, we're collecting them for your mother.

Say, Rick, you don't save these stamps, do you?

No, I tried it for a while, but I don't have the patience.

I gave up after one book.

- Did he say one book? - Yeah, one book.

Hey, Rick!

It sure it looks like it's worth it, doesn't, Oz?

Oh, it's just beautiful.

There are 70 there.

Yeah, I can vouch for that.

We've counted them a dozen times.

We're going to meet the girls over there, aren't we?

Yeah, I left word with Ricky.

We'll just about make it if we hurry.

Just a minute.

Is something wrong?

Yes, one of the pages in this book

doesn't have any stamps on it.

Oh, well, couldn't we make up the difference later on?

I'm sorry, but I couldn't accept

that responsibility myself.

Oh, well, could we speak to the manager, please?

Well, he went home kind of early.

It's been one of those days.

Everything's gone wrong.

Why, we even heard there were some guys out in the alley

trying to undersell us.

But wait a minute.

We only need one more page.

There must be some place on the block that gives stamps.

You can try the drugstore on the corner.

- What time do you close? - In five minutes.

Well, come on, let's go.

Let's go, Darb.

May I help you?

Yes, please, I'd like to have a page of stamps.

Oh, the stamp machine is right over there.

No, I mean a page of savings stamps.

- I need some toothpaste. - Yes, sir.

What kind? - Oh, any kind.

This will do.

That's shaving cream.

Oh, that's OK, that'll be fine.

How much do we need.

Well, $3 worth of anything.

Let's see...

Come on, Oz, the place closes in five minutes.

Oh, no, we're open until 9:00.

No, he's talking about the place on the corner, where

you trade in the stamps.

These.

I'll take these.

- I'll take this. - These.

And would you add that up as quickly as possible,

please, and let us know what it comes to.

I think this item is on sale.

That's OK, we'll pay the full price.

That's $3.10.

Do you have any money?

I've got $1.

I've got a 10.

At least I had a 10.

Doggone it, I wish Sally wouldn't take money out

of my wallet without telling me!

How about you, Oz?

I left my wallet in the car.

I've got $0.45 here.

Well, say, maybe I could open a charge account.

Can I cash a check?

I'll get the manager.

Oh, great.

We told him we were coming back.

You think he could have waited a couple of minutes.

He probably did.

We're 20 minutes late.

What do we do now?

Well, don't look at me.

Don't look at me.

Don't look at me.

And then I imagine there's not one of us

here tonight who hasn't had a similar heartwarming

experience to relate about our guest of honor, Nora Peabody.

I'm reminded of a little story my grandfather used to tell me

when I was a little girl.

I hope I can remember it.

- Any sign of them? - Not yet.

Well, they better get here pretty soon,

Sally's beginning to panic.

We should have had the quartet sing another number.

Well, what did they say when they phoned?

The message I got was they're on their way and everything's

under control, whatever that means.

Here they are.

Well, it's about time.

Where have you been?

Well, it's kind of a long story, but here we are,

and here it is. - Is this it?

Would you take it up to the table right away, please?

You're not kidding.

And don't drop it.

That's awfully light for a silver coffee service.

Well, there's something we want to tell you about that.

Go ahead, Joe.

Huh? why don't you tell them, Darb?

Your wife's not out here.

It isn't exactly a silver coffee service.

It isn't?

Well, don't get excited, girls.

It isn't exactly a silver coffee service,

but it's the equivalent.

Ozzie, what was in the package?

70 books of savings stamps.

You're kidding.

They are not kidding.

Oh, this is going to be terribly embarrassing.

Let's see if we can stop it.

Oh, she'll love it.

Oh, savings stamps!

What a delightful surprise.

And what a wonderful, imaginative gift.

Well, I don't know which one of you

girls was responsible for this, but somebody

must have been reading my mind.

Oh, how many times have I said to myself,

if I could only walk into that store

with a whole bag full of books.

There's so many things I want.

I'm going to get myself some new wastebaskets,

and some new score pads for bridge,

and some fancy ashtrays.

And I may even get my husband a new golf bag.

It's been a wonderful evening, and this

is a delightful surprise Thank you

from the bottom of my heart.

How'd you ever think of it, dear?

Oh, well, you know how it is.