Original subtitles

"The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet," starring

the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie.

Here's Harriet.

Here's David.

And here's Ricky.

Here they are, America's favorite family, the Nelsons.

And tonight, we're happy to include the newest

member of the Nelson family, June Blair-Nelson, who,

as you probably know, is Mrs. David Nelson.

Are these yours or David's?

They're David's.

This shirt is his, too.

Oh.

Well, there's a button off this.

I'll sew it on later. - Wait a second, Mom.

Don't you think you ought to let June mend it?

Well, why, for goodness sake?

Well, after all, she is his wife.

You don't want to hurt her feelings.

I don't think she'll mind.

Who wants to get back from a honeymoon

and find a bunch of shirts with the buttons off of them?

Yeah, I suppose so.

Well, I wondered what happened to you two.

Oh, we're just packing up David's things.

I thought I'd take them over to the apartment

before he and June got back.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

Oh, by the way, we got a card from him.

Oh, good.

Wait a second.

This is your handwriting, isn't it?

Yes, it is.

I gave him one of those multiple-choice cards

and addressed it to us.

I figured it was the only way we were going to hear from him.

You're probably right.

"Drive safely.

Check.

Having a wonderful time.

Check."

Notice they crossed out, "Wish you were here."

Naturally.

When are they supposed to get back?

Sometime tomorrow afternoon.

I'll take this stuff over there in the morning.

Hey, wait a second. Not so fast.

Oh, don't worry, Pop.

I rescued all your ties.

If you want them, they're on my tie rack.

That figures.

Do you want me to take some of the wedding gifts

over there when I go? - No, that's all right, dear.

Your dad and I'll do it in the morning.

I could do it. I'm going over there anyway.

No, that's all right, really.

Well, OK.

See, your mother wants to go over there

so she can supervise the job.

You know, open up all the gifts, figure out

where everything goes. - I do not.

I just want to make sure nothing gets broken.

I'll take this stuff downstairs.

I hope I got everything.

Oh, here, don't forget this.

Oh, I should say not.

That's the first picture of June ever gave him.

Oh, wait a second, Mom.

He may want this, but he won't want these.

Susan.

Linda.

Patty.

You almost planted a bomb here.

Well, welcome to the honeymoon cottage.

Oh, doggone it.

What's the matter?

Well, David gave me a key, and I left it home.

Oh, well, I think they left another one under the mat

there.

Oh, yeah, here it is.

I forgot, Wally and his practical jokers

have been here.

A happy new year.

Go ahead, dear.

Wait a minute.

Aren't you forgetting something?

Well, like what?

Like you're supposed to carry the bride over the threshold.

Oh, no, that's just the first time.

This time, you're supposed to carry me over the threshold.

I'll give you a break.

I'll let you carry me piggyback.

Well, why don't you carry me piggyback?

Or carry me fireman's carry?

You used to be a Girl Scout, didn't you?

Are you suggesting that I've gained weight?

Or haven't you got any muscles left?

That did it.

There we go.

I hope you'll be very happy.

Oh, thank you.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

I didn't know they got another pair of candlesticks.

They got five pairs.

Makes a pair of candlesticks for each percolator.

Oh, this is just darling.

And here's a perfect place for it.

Look, Harriet, don't you think you

ought to let June decide where she wants to put this stuff?

Well, it looks nice there.

Don't you think?

Well, OK, you're the mother-in-law.

I'm just trying to get things organized.

I'm sure they don't want to come back and find things in a mess.

Here's an interesting little item.

- What is it? - Well, I don't know.

I've been trying to figure this out ever since the wedding.

You don't suppose it's a grease gun, do you?

What's the number on it?

16.

I'll get the list.

It's a donut maker.

Could have fooled me.

You know, they got a lot of nice things,

but they sure could use a few practical gifts.

They didn't get much for the kitchen.

Well, they got all those percolators.

Yes, but no pots and pans, not even a frying pan.

Well, they could use one of the percolators

for boiling eggs.

Look, we've got a lot of extra pots and pans at the house.

Why don't you run back and get some while I straighten things

up here?

OK.

Oh, and you better get some sheets and pillowcases.

- OK. - And some towels.

OK.

Oh, and some cups and saucers.

OK.

And the vacuum cleaner.

Would you leave the door open for me, Rick?

- Can I help you with anything? - Oh, yeah.

There's some towels, and sheets, and a broom in the dining room.

Would you take them out of the car for me, please?

OK.

Well, that didn't take long.

How's the kitchen look?

Very nice.

Well, at least it's enough to get them started.

Yeah, you did a good job.

The only thing, though-- you don't

think the kids will object to them giving them all these pots

and pans, do you?

Well, no, of course not.

Why should they?

After all, we're not giving them to them.

We're just lending them to them till we get settled.

Yeah, well, that's what your mother said,

and this is one of her pans.

Well, now, I think that looks pretty nice,

even if I do say so myself.

Yeah, it looks great.

Are they all set?

Don't forget the vacuum cleaner.

- Where is it? - It's in the bedroom.

Here, I'll take that out to the car.

Well, that didn't last long, did it?

You can say that again.

That was a good idea of yours.

You mean fixing up the apartment?

Yeah, it's going to be a nice surprise for the kids.

I wonder.

What do you mean, you wonder?

It was your idea, and it was a good one.

Well, I thought it was.

But I'm not so sure now.

There's nothing worse than meddling parents, you know.

What are you talking about?

Well, I've been worrying about it all the way home.

We still have time to go back and put everything back

in the boxes.

- You must be kidding. - No, I'm not.

And the more I think about it, I'm sure we've made a mistake.

We shouldn't have done it.

Oh, come on now.

No, I mean it.

I'm not going to start out by being a typical mother-in-law.

Well, Harriet, that's ridiculous.

We just fixed the place up.

We can't go back there and tear everything apart.

We can if we hurry.

Come on.

Now, now, wait a second, Harriet.

Do you remember when we got back from our honeymoon?

Both your mother and my mother pitched in and helped us,

and we were darn glad they did.

But kids are different nowadays.

Well, people keep saying that, but they really aren't.

Maybe a little smarter.

- And a little more independent. - Hi.

- Oh, hi, Rick. - Hi.

The apartment looks very nice.

Oh, did you go back there?

Yeah, I had a hunch you'd forget

to reset the booby traps.

Oh, thanks.

Oh, here they are.

Dave and June just drove up.

No, thank you, dear.

- No, thank you. - No, thanks, Rick.

No, thanks.

It certainly is nice to have you kids back again.

Well, thanks, Mom.

It's nice to be back.

We had a wonderful time, but we're

kind of anxious to get settled in our new apartment.

Oh.

Did you stop by the apartment?

Yeah, we did, but we couldn't get in.

Well, don't you have a key, Dave?

Yeah, I thought I left it under the mat.

But evidently, I didn't.

I knew my husband must have one fault. He's absentminded.

Oh, [laughs] actually, I have the key.

Rick gave it to me, and I forgot to put it back under the mat.

Here's the one who's absentminded.

Did you go over there, Pop?

Yeah, your mother and I took the wedding gifts over.

Oh, good. Gee, thanks.

You know, all you had to do was ask the superintendent

if you wanted to get in.

Oh, were you over there, too?

Well, yeah, I thought I'd take your clothes over there.

Oh, gee, thanks a lot.

Well, I guess we'd better get going.

What's your hurry?

Well, as Junie said, we're kind of

anxious to get over there and get everything settled.

You know how it is.

There's so much to be done.

Well, you might be surprised at how easy it'll all be.

Oh, I don't mind the work.

In fact, I'm looking forward to it.

We don't want anybody to help us.

We want to do it all ourselves.

We've been doing a lot of talking about it.

We have it all planned out, and we know

exactly how we want it to look.

Well, that's nice.

I know this sounds awful, but I can hardly

wait to get at the wedding gifts.

You know, I can't remember what some of them are.

Well, they're all very nice.

Of course, you were a little short on some

of the practical items.

Well, I kind of figured that.

So we stopped off on the way and got some food and a lot

of stuff for the kitchen. Things like that.

Oh, and don't forget the sheets and the pillowcases.

Oh, yeah, we now own some new sheets and pillowcases

and a charge account at the Emporium.

Oh.

Well, I hope you don't mind if we went along and get started.

Oh, well, I just thought of something.

Would you wait a minute? Pardon me.

Uh, Harriet-- pardon me.

Harriet?

Well, what's new?

What do you mean, what's new?

Well, you know, what's new?

See?

I told you.

We never should have done it.

What are we going to do now?

We just have to tell them, I guess.

Tell them what?

We were over there, meddling in their affairs?

We weren't meddling.

We were just trying to be helpful.

That's not what you said before.

The original idea was yours.

But that's beside the point.

What do we do now?

Well, do you think we have time to rush over there and put

everything back the way it was?

You mean and repack all the stuff?

Sure.

Maybe we can get Rick to stall.

Well, we can try.

I'll send him back to here, and you tell him.

Well, I wasn't sure whether some of the shirts

were yours or mine.

Oh, that's OK.

Thanks anyway.

Rick, your mother wants to see you for a minute.

Oh, OK.

Well, what's new?

What's up?

Listen, your father and I are going

to go back and repack all the stuff.

You got to stall them for at least a half an hour.

- How? - Well, I don't know.

I'll leave that up to you.

Well, where will I tell them you've gone?

I know. You'll leave that up to me, too.

Tell you father I'm waiting for him.

OK.

I wasn't sure whether some of the shirts were yours or mine.

Pop, Mom wants to see you again.

Oh, pardon me, please.

Sure.

Well, nothing's new.

And what the heck is going on around here?

What are you talking about?

You know darn well what I'm talking about.

What's going on out in the kitchen?

Uh, why don't we all go into the den?

There's something in there I'd like to show June.

Come on, June, right this way.

Well, at least this gives you some idea

of the family you married into.

You got the key?

Oh, Ozzie--

Harriet, I don't have time to carry you across the threshold

again. - I'm not talking about that--

I tried to warm you.

I know, honey, I know.

And this is Uncle Charlie.

He isn't really an uncle, just a good friend of the family's.

We always call him uncle.

Oh, and here's Uncle Harold.

He's my mother's uncle, so that makes him our great uncle,

I guess.

He's your great uncle, too.

That is, by marriage.

You are married, aren't you?

Look, Rick--

Well, I've never seen the license.

Rick, what's this all about?

Oh, isn't this a beautiful picture of my mother?

Oh, yes, it's lovely.

I've seen that one before.

Well, that'll be enough of that.

Come on, June. We've got to get going.

Wait.

Can't you stick around a little longer?

The folks will be right back.

Well, tell them we'll see them later.

Yeah, we have a lot of things to do, Rick.

Well, say, as long as you're here,

you might as well say hello to the neighbors.

I know the Randolphs would love to see you.

Well, tell them we'll see them later, too.

Yeah?

OK.

Bye, Rick.

Bye.

Keep to the right and drive slowly.

Sorry, Mother, I tried.

- Anything else? - Just those sheets.

Oh, and don't forget the broom.

Come on. Let's get going.

- Uh-oh. - What's the matter?

- Here they come. - Oh, great.

Now what do we do?

Let's duck out the back way, quick.

Don't get the broom.

I believe the usual custom is for the groom

to carry the bride across the threshold.

That's what I hear.

- Wait a minute. - What's the matter?

Am I too heavy? - No, you're just right.

I just happened to think of something.

How about that?

Fine bunch of friends I have.

They didn't even bother to booby trap the place.

Well, I'm glad.

Well, the coast is clear.

Hey, wait a minute.

Aren't you forgetting something--

like me?

Oh, yeah.

Just thought I'd take the opportunity to do that again.

Thank you.

I hope they last longer than the other couple.

Gee, I didn't remember getting so much loot.

Neither did I. Isn't it wonderful?

Yeah.

Where will we start?

Well, first we'd better get the groceries in the kitchen.

Some of this stuff has to go in the refrigerator.

Wait a minute.

Do we have a refrigerator?

Golly, I hope so.

We better take a look.

Surprise.

What are you guys doing here?

Well, the main reason we're here

is because there's no back door, and the porch

is too high to jump off.

It's kind of a long story.

I'll make it as brief as possible.

No, let me tell it.

It's all my fault. About an hour ago, your dad

and I came over here, and we unpacked all your wedding

gifts.

And we fixed the place up so it would be all ready for you

when you came home.

Well, what a nice thing to do.

Gee, that's the sweetest thing I ever heard.

Well, thank you, dear.

That's nice of you to say that, but then we suddenly

realized it wasn't quite fair to you and Dave.

But gee, Mom, we would have understood.

Well, we figured this is your home.

And you should have the fun of fixing it up any way you like.

So we were putting everything back again when you came in.

It's pretty crazy, huh?

You know, I think I'm going to like being a Nelson.

Well, thanks.

We sure appreciate all the trouble you went to.

Well, at least our intentions were good.

Oh, they sure were.

And thanks a lot.

This time, we'll go out the right way.

You kids stay here.

You have plenty to do.

We'll see you later.

OK.

And stop worrying about us.

We're better organized than you think.

Bye.

Bye.

Don't have to worry about those kids.

They'll do all right.

Oh, sure.

Say, did you happen to notice if they brought in any food?

Harriet, I'm sure they did.

Well, I finally got the picture hung up.

Oh, did you hurt your thumb?

No, it's not too bad.

I think I'll live.

Well, I hope so.

Well, the place is really beginning to look nice.

Thank you.

Outside of a few extra candlesticks,

I've got everything put away.

I put all the clothes in the closet.

I gave you the right side, and I took the left, if that's OK.

Sure.

I can switch them around, if you want.

That's fine, if you'll help me make the bed.

Sure. It's a deal.

Have you seen the sheets I bought?

No, I haven't.

How do you like them?

Oh, yeah, they look very nice.

Of course, I don't know too much about sheets.

Well, I'll have you know they're contour fitted.

And they're a very nice percale.

I got a good price on them, too.

Sounds good.

Gee, they don't seem to be wide enough.

Oh, darn it.

She gave me the wrong size.

These are for twin beds.

I should have kept the sheets your mother brought over.

Oh, don't worry about it, honey.

We can always get more sheets.

Maybe we can figure out some way of doubling them up

or something.

June, where the glasses?

Oh, they're right over here.

It's funny how you get used to things.

Mom always keeps them on this side.

Oh, well, I could change them.

That's OK.

I can drink left-handed.

Would you like some ginger ale?

Oh, no thanks, this is fine.

Well, how about some ice?

Yeah, that sounds good.

Hey, it's not frozen.

It's not even cold.

Yeah, that's funny.

No wonder.

We forgot to plug the refrigerator in.

Oh.

Oh, the peas.

Oh, this is awful.

They're all thawed out.

Well, that's OK.

We can have them for dinner.

All six boxes of them?

Six?

Well, they were having a special on them.

I was just trying to save you some money.

You said you liked peas.

Well, yeah, I do.

Of course, after tonight, I may be a little tired of them.

I'm going to start dinner now.

- Can I help? - I don't know.

What can you do?

Well, I can stand around and get in the way.

Not in here.

This is my territory.

Why don't you go put on your slippers,

or read the paper, whatever husbands are supposed to do?

OK, if you tell me what we're having for dinner.

Well, pot roast, mashed potatoes, and a lot of peas.

Sounds just like home.

This may come as a surprise to you, but this is your home.

Oh, so it is.

And remember, don't burn the biscuits,

even if it is traditional.

We're not having biscuits, and I'll

have you know I'm a very good cook.

OK.

Just remember, in case of fire, dial 116.

What are you doing?

I'm just fixing the plug on this lamp.

I didn't realize you were so talented.

It's not much of a job.

How's the pot roast coming?

Well, I ran into a little difficulty.

What do you mean?

Now, don't get mad.

Oh, of course not.

Well, come on.

I'll show you.

See what I mean?

It doesn't fit.

Don't you laugh, either.

Well, why'd you try to put it in that little pan?

Don't we have a bigger one?

No, that's the biggest one I bought.

They were on special.

I'm awfully sorry.

Oh, that's all right, honey.

We can cut it up and make a stew out of it.

We've got potatoes and peas--

lots of peas.

Well, I wanted to ask you about the potatoes.

I'll eat them any way you want to fix them.

No, I mean I can't find them.

Well, maybe they rolled under the sink.

Oh, I guess I just forgot them.

Gee, and I had them on the list, too.

Well, maybe they're in the refrigerator.

No, there's nothing in here but this fudge.

Oh.

What's the matter?

That was a chocolate layer cake.

I'm making a mess out of everything.

No, you're not, sweetheart.

Oh, yes, I am.

Nothing's going right.

Sure it is.

Look.

I got this lamp fixed.

See?

Oh.

You know, actually, we're pretty lucky.

How do you figure that?

Well, we've got five sets of candlesticks.

No bathmat.

What's this?

They don't have a bathmat.

Harriet, I am sure they'll live,

whether they have a bathmat or not.

I know it.

I just can't help thinking about it.

Well, those sweet potatoes sure look good.

How come you cooked so many of them?

I can't get used to Dave not being around.

I wonder what they're having for dinner.

Oh, probably champagne and caviar.

Will you stop worrying about them?

I'm not worrying about them, and stop picking on me.

Did you call Ricky? - Yeah.

Holy smokes, do you think that's big enough?

There's enough there to feed an army.

Say, here's an idea.

How about inviting Dave and June over for dinner?

Harriet, this is their first night home.

Well, that's just the point.

They've probably been so busy straightening things

around they have no time to think about dinner.

Oh, come on.

We can have over here tomorrow night.

June's probably cooking her first dinner.

What's so funny?

I was just thinking about the first dinner you cooked.

Maybe we should invite them over.

Come on, now.

It wasn't as bad as all that.

Hey, wait a second.

I have an idea.

Will this keep in the oven?

Sure.

Well, let's take a run over there

and casually drop in on them, and see how things are going.

If they look like they'd appreciate an invitation

to dinner, we'll ask them.

Sorta play it by ear. How does that sound?

Sounds good. Let's put this back in the oven.

Boy, I'm starved.

Hey, this looks good.

Hey, where are you going with that?

We're too late.

They probably had to eat out.

No, I hear music.

Ozzie, what you're doing?

Shh.

You were worried about them.

I think I'm going to cry.

How about that?

I was only kidding, and I guessed it right--

champagne and caviar.

Want some more ginger ale?

Yes, please.

Did I give you enough peas?

Yeah, I have plenty.

Thanks.

I love you.

I love you, too.

And I really am a good cook.

You wait and see.

Who cares?