Original subtitles

"The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet," starring

the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie, here's Harriet, here's David, and here's Ricky.

Here they are, America's favorite family, the Nelsons.

Well, we couldn't have asked for a nicer day.

Yeah, just enough breeze to straighten out

that hook of yours.

Yeah, the same breeze that blew that putt of yours

in on the seventh hole.

Want your clubs?

No, thanks.

Hey, why don't you come in and have a piece of cake?

What do you think I'm following you for?

It's right over there on the counter.

Oh, thanks.

Help yourself.

Where did you say the cake was, Oz?

In here, Mr. Randolph.

Oh, hi, fellas.

Hi, Mr. Randolph. There's just one piece left.

You'd better grab it before Pop gets it.

Oh, you're not kidding.

Thanks, Rick.

What are you guys doing in the house

on a beautiful day like this?

Oh, we're pitching in to help a worthy cause.

Oh.

In other words, your mother trapped you

before you could get out.

Yeah, something like that.

What is this stuff, anyway?

They're announcements that have to be

mailed for the Women's Club.

Oh?

I'm surprised you guys getting hooked like this.

While you're still laughing, Oz, you'd

better take a look at this.

What is it?

I hope you're in the mood for tripping the light fantastic.

The Women's Club is giving another dance.

You're kidding.

What's that you said about getting hooked, Pop?

We'll be finished here in no time,

but you'll be dancing all night.

"To the Latin rhythms of Armando Alvarado

and his orchestra."

Armando Alvarado?

Well, that's not fair.

I can't do those rumbas and tangos.

Well, I can fake my way through a rumba or a tango.

But nowadays, they play all those cha-cha-chas

and all that fancy stuff.

Well, maybe we can get out of it some way.

Well, that's the last one.

I'll toss you to see who takes 'em to the mailbox.

Hey, wait a second--

Are you guys supposed to mail these, too?

Yeah.

Say, why don't we do the boys a favor and dump these

in the mailbox for 'em?

That's a wonderful idea. We'll take--

Sorry, Pop, the mail must go through.

Neither rain nor sleet--

Say, Oz, we can't go out that night.

We're busy.

Oh, that-- that's right.

What are we doing?

What night is it?

It's a week from Saturday.

Oh, well, we're bowling that night.

Oh.

We're bowling that night.

Since when do you bowl on Saturday nights?

Well, this is an emergency, Dave.

Come on, David, let's get out of here

before we get involved in a conspiracy.

We'll see you later. - See you later, Pop.

OK, fellas.

Well, the boys are no help.

You think there's any chance of our talking the girls out

of this?

Well, what do you think?

Nah, I guess not.

Well, why pussyfoot around?

Why don't we just tell the girls we don't want to go,

and that's that?

Well, you sure make it sound easy enough.

Well, what's so difficult about it?

Well, if it's so easy, suppose you tell 'em.

Tell who what?

Oh, hello, dear.

What were you going to tell us?

Oh, nothing much.

Oh, say, did the boys get the announcements mailed out?

Yes, yes, they did.

Unfortunately.

What do you mean, unfortunately?

Well, as long as you've brought up the subject,

Joe has something he wants to tell you.

Me?

You're the one who doesn't want to go.

Go where?

Well, as I say, as long as you've brought up the subject--

I know how much you girls are counting on it,

and how much trouble you've gone to,

but Joe and I just aren't too enthused

about that dance at the Women's Club.

- Yeah. - Well, it's all right.

You don't have to go.

Well, Harriet, all those cha-cha-chas and rumbas

and tangos--

But you don't have to go.

We don't?

That's what I just said.

Oz, we don't have to go.

Oh, well, why not?

Who cares?

Clara and I are both on the committee,

and we'll probably be so busy we won't have

time for much dancing, anyway.

Of course, if you want to come--

Oh, no, that's OK.

We would appreciate it if you'd drop us off and pick us

up later. - Oh, sure.

And you mean we really don't have to stay for the dance?

No, of course not.

As a matter of fact, I was just telling Clara

that you don't seem to care much about dancing lately.

Oh, well, it isn't that, exactly.

How about that, Oz?

Looks like we're off the hook.

Yeah.

Well, you don't have to look so delighted about it.

Well, it's just that we appreciate your kind offer,

and we accept.

Come on, Clara.

Well, how about that, Oz?

Great, huh?

Sure is.

Yeah.

Too good to be true.

Well, let's not bring the subject up again.

They may change their minds.

No, I don't think they will.

Gee, all we have to do is drop them off at the dance,

and then do whatever we want for the rest of the evening.

Yeah, and go to a show.

Might even go bowling.

Yeah, that's an idea.

I don't know, though.

The alleys get pretty crowded on Saturday nights.

Well, I'd better get going.

I think the girls went upstairs.

Oh, Clara?

Come on, let's go.

Honey?

OK.

Honey?

Well, the girls have been pretty nice to us

today, letting us out of the dance.

Yeah, that's for sure.

Oz, why do you suppose they want to get rid of us?

Get rid of us?

They're doing us a favor.

Or doing themselves a favor.

Well, how do you figure that?

Well, they've got that guy, Avocado, playing for them.

No, Alvarado.

Well, whoever it is.

Anyway, they probably figure we can't do that kind of stuff.

Harriet doesn't want to be embarrassed with you

stepping all over her toes.

Me?

Well, you admitted you weren't too good at that Latin stuff.

Well, you're not exactly twinkle toes yourself,

you know.

OK, but the point is, they have

no right refusing to dance with us

just because we're a little rusty.

I see what you mean.

Well, look, here's an idea.

Why don't we brush up on this Latin stuff, go to the dance,

and surprise them?

We'll show them a thing or two.

Hey, that's an idea.

I think Rick has a book upstairs that shows how to do

the cha-cha-cha, the tango, all those Latin dances.

Well, why don't we take a look at it?

Well, what are you two guys cooking up?

We've got a little surprise for you girls.

What is it?

We're going to the dance with you whether you like it or not.

Oh?

Good for you.

Well, I'll see you later, Harriet.

- All right, dear, bye-bye. - Bye, Oz.

- Bye. - Bye, Joe.

Bye.

Oz, you'd better turn the volume down.

I can hear it clear out in the yard.

Well, turn it off.

This is easy.

Oh, you got the book, huh?

Yeah.

This looks pretty complicated.

No, you just follow the diagrams.

Put the book down.

I'll show you.

See, it's 1, 2, cha-cha-cha.

1, 2, cha-cha-cha.

Forward, 2, cha-cha-cha.

Back, 2, cha-cha-- watch.

Back, 2.

Back, 2.

Very good, Oz.

Variation.

You get it, huh?

Yeah.

Even if we don't learn anything, we still might bring rain.

You try it so I can get some laughs.

Yeah, all right.

No, no, no, you look like you're doing a time step.

It's 1, 2, cha-cha-cha.

1, 2, cha-cha-cha.

Try it.

Forward, cha-- no, no, no, no.

All right.

Forward, 2, cha-cha-cha.

Back, 2, cha-cha-cha.

Forward, 2, cha-cha-cha.

Back, 2, cha-cha-cha.

I'm supposed to go forward.

You're supposed to go backward.

You're the woman.

I don't want to be the woman.

I'll learn everything backwards.

Will you try this, Joe?

Well, all right.

Clara always leads, anyway.

First prize for the best hippo hop

goes to couple number three.

Well, thank you very much.

For your information, though, that was the cha-cha-cha.

No kidding?

It certainly has changed since my day.

What's going on here, anyway?

Well, we're just going to surprise your mother and Mrs.

Randolph and learn the cha-cha-cha

for the Women's Club dance.

Your dad brought this down.

Oh, gee.

It's going to be kind of tough learning from a book, isn't it?

You know, Oz, I think he's got something there.

Well, you've got to learn it someplace--

not only the cha-cha-cha, but the rumba,

and the samba, and all the rest of the Latin dances.

Why don't you go down and take some lessons?

Oh, I wouldn't want to get involved to that extent.

Well, it's just a suggestion.

They have some real good dance studios downtown, you know.

Yeah, well, I don't think so.

Come on, Rick, let's get out of here.

I don't think I can take another chorus of this.

Fellows, don't tell your mother about this, huh?

Oh, don't worry.

I wouldn't know how to explain it to her, anyway.

Well, shall we take another try at it?

Well, if you insist.

But I can't stay too long.

Clara thinks I'm upstairs taking a bath.

1, 2 cha-cha-cha.

1, 2, cha-cha-cha.

1, 2--

You see, it's kind of a surprise for our wives.

Oh, I understand perfectly.

Our complete course of instruction lasts for 13 weeks.

I'm sure you'll find the lessons most enjoyable.

Oh, well, no.

See, the dance is a week from this Saturday.

I think we just learned a couple of the Latin dances,

like the mambo, and the cha-cha-cha,

and maybe the tango, that'd be fine.

Well, as you wish.

Of course, you understand you won't

be eligible for our graduation cruise to Brazil.

Oh, [chuckles] that's OK.

I doubt if we could have made it, anyway.

Would you mind filling these out?

I'll be right back.

I hope we're doing the right thing.

Well, what else can we do?

Those big feet of yours have got my shins black and blue.

You're a fine one to talk.

Oh, this'll be a lot of fun.

You think we ought to tell the girls?

Well, yeah, I think we'd better.

Yeah, I guess so.

Gentlemen?

Mr. Nelson, Mr. Randolph, I'd like

you to meet Ms. Phillips and Ms. Evans.

- Oh, how do you do? - How are you?

These young ladies will be your dance instructors.

Oh?

Say, that's wonderful.

- Yes. - Thank you.

We'll see you tomorrow night, then?

Oh, yes, that's fine.

That'll be fine.

Very nice meeting you.

Thank you.

It's nice to have met you.

I'll be right back.

You know, Oz, I've been thinking,

maybe we ought to just surprise the wives

and not tell them about the lessons.

I think you're right.

It'd be more fun that way.

Yeah, and a lot safer, too.

How come you're going bowling tonight, dear?

You usually go on Friday nights.

Oh, I just figured it'd be a good excuse

to get out of the house.

Oh.

Come on in, Joe. - Oh, hi, Oz.

You ready? Hi, Harriet.

- Hi, Joe. - Hello.

Here, don't forget your bowling ball.

No-- oh, no, I'll get-- thank you.

Good night, dear.

Have fun, you two.

Why do you say that?

Oh, she just means have fun bowling.

Oh, yeah, thanks.

We will. - Bye.

Bye.

Now, the cha-cha's really not too difficult once we learn

the basic step.

It's forward, back, 1, 2, 3.

Back, forward, 1, 2, 3.

Shall we try it?

OK.

Forward, back, 1, 2, 3.

Back, forward, 1, 2, 3.

Forward, back, 1, 2, 3.

Back, forward, 1, 2, 3.

That's fine. - Thank you.

Would you put the music on, Lola?

OK.

Here we go.

1, 2, 3.

Back, forward, 1, 2, 3.

Forward, back, 1, 2, 3.

Back, forward, 1, 2, 3.

Forward, back, 1, 2, 3.

Back, forward, 1, 2, 3.

Forward, back, 1, 2, 3.

Back, forward, 1, 2, 3.

Well, you boys certainly learned that in a hurry.

Oh, thanks.

Well, I must admit we were practicing in my garage

last night.

Oh, well, good for you.

Yeah, we were learning it from a book.

But I'm learning a lot faster tonight.

Shall we try it together now?

OK.

Oh, no, no, I meant boy and girl.

- Oh. - Oh.

OK.

Oh, I like this much better.

He always steps on my feet.

Careful of your shins, Ms. Phillips.

If I get too fancy, just stop me.

Wait a second, aren't you going to go for your spare?

You've got two pins left. - I rolled a ball.

I can say I've been bowling.

Come on, let's go.

I haven't bowled yet.

I'll circulate around and say hello to a few people.

OK.

Hi, there.

Harriet, I'm home.

OK, I'm in the kitchen.

Cha-cha-cha.

Hi, dear.

You're home early. - Yeah.

How was the bowling?

Oh, fine, thanks.

I've got some coffee out in the kitchen.

You want some?

Yeah, that sounds good.

1, 2, cha-cha-cha.

Hot chocolate?

Oh, [stammers] hot cha-cha--

or coffee, anything at all.

Clara, dear?

I can't hear you, it's so noisy here at the bowling alley.

Yes, dear.

Yes, dear, I'll be home soon.

It's my great pleasure, gentlemen,

to present you with these diplomas, which

signify you have successfully completed

your course of instructions.

Mr. Randolph.

No, this is Mr. Randolph.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Mr. Nelson.

Thank you.

- Congratulations. - Oh, thank you very much.

- Congratulations. - Congratulations.

- Thank you. - You both did just beautifully.

Especially considering you've been taking lessons

such a short while.

Oh, thank you very much.

It's really a shame you can't continue with them.

Well, we may one of these days.

Who knows?

Well, perhaps you might like to join one

of our regular weekly groups?

It's more economical that way.

Well, we'll think about it.

I'm sure you'd have a good time.

We have some marvelous parties.

Oh, I bet you do.

Well, Oz, we'd better get going.

Yes, I'm afraid so.

If you should change your mind, just let us know.

Oh, well, thank you very much.

Goodbye. - Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Bye.

Fellas, how's this tie look?

Oh, looks fine, Pop.

Yeah, looks good, Pop.

Wish I had one with a little more of a Latin flavor to it.

You know, for a guy who got trapped

into going to this dance tonight,

you're in a pretty happy mood.

Well, don't say anything, but I've

got a little surprise for your mother.

Mr. Randolph and I have been taking dancing lessons--

the cha-cha-cha, the rumba, the tango, the whole thing.

You mean out of the book?

No, with real live girls at a dance studio.

You're kidding?

No, we decided to take your suggestion,

and we signed up for a short course.

Oh, wait a minute.

It wasn't my suggestion.

Well-- Ricky's.

No, it wasn't mine.

If it was, I was only kidding.

Well, it's nothing to get excited about, anyway.

Well, let's put it this way, Pop--

why don't you take all the credit?

What do you mean, credit?

Oh, for signing up for the course

and dancing all week with some beautiful blonde bombshell.

Now, don't be ridiculous, Dave.

It's all very impersonal.

These girls are professional instructors.

They're like airline stewardesses

or registered nurses.

OK, Pop, you convinced me.

Now all you have to do is convince Mom.

And yourself.

Now, in the first place, your mother

will be so happy with the way I dance,

she won't even think about anything like that.

Ozzie, the Randolphs are here.

Let's go.

OK.

Well, good luck, Pop.

Thanks.

Yeah, good luck, old man.

You know, I was just wondering,

do you think we should have told 'em about the lessons and not

let 'em think we were out bowling every night?

Well, I don't know, but it's a little late

to be thinking about that now, isn't it?

Look, let's just not tell 'em.

I wouldn't want 'em to get the wrong idea.

Well, they'll find out as soon as we start to dance.

Well, then let's stall around.

It gives a chance to think this over.

Hey, come on, fellas.

Yeah, come on.

We've been waiting for you.

Come on, Oz.

I hate to sound too eager, but aren't you

guys going to ask us to dance?

Well, let's wait and see if they

play something a little slower. - Come on.

I got the impression that you fellas had come here to dance.

Well, we'll dance in a little while.

Don't you think it's fun to listen to the music?

Hi, Oz, Joe.

- Oh, hi, Charlie. - Join us?

No, thank you, but may I have this dance with Harriet?

Oh, I'd love to.

Clara?

Oh, thank you.

Well, I guess that solves our problem for the moment.

What kind of a dance is he doing?

Playing a tango, aren't they?

Well, yeah, but he's got the wrong beat.

I thought he was supposed to be such a good dancer.

Well, that's what I've always heard.

You were doing better than that by the second lesson.

Well, so were you.

Doggone it, Oz, we took all those lessons,

and here we are, sitting around while two other guys are

dancing with our wives.

And we can dance better than they can.

Look at that.

Harriet even has to teach him one of the steps.

Harry is dancing with Clara.

He's out of time with the music, stepping all over her feet.

She's lucky if he doesn't knock her down.

Say, I think I've got the answer.

Oh, it's too early to leave.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

We'll let Harriet and Clara teach us to dance.

And we'll learn very quickly.

I think you've got something there.

Well, of course I have.

You know, Oz, if you'd thought of this last week,

it would have been a lot cheaper.

And a lot safer, though.

1, 2, cha-cha-cha.

1, 2, cha-cha-cha.

1, 2, cha-cha-cha.

And 1, 2, cha-cha-cha.

Hey, that's fine.

Come on, let's go and try.

How's Joe doing?

Oh, just wonderful.

You're a regular Jose Grecco.

Mucho gracas.

Well, that was wonderful.

And you're a darn good teacher.

I must say you fellas learned awfully fast.

Oh, thank you.

OK, you might as well confess.

We know you've been taking lessons.

You do?

Oh, you do?

And I do, too.

Well, are you mad at us?

Well, of course not.

It's very flattering to think you'd go to all that trouble.

Well, gee, I don't know what to say.

I can't believe it.

You know, Joe, we're a couple of lucky guys.

We have the most wonderful, understanding wives

in the whole world.

You mean it doesn't bother you at all that we were out dancing

with those girls every night?

What girls?

Yeah, what girls?

The girls at the dance studio.

You said you knew we were taking dancing lessons.

We found the book in the garage.

We thought you were learning from that.

Yeah.

Oh.

Oh, shall we dance, dear?

No, no.

Now, just a minute.

You mean you were at a dance studio every night?

Well, yes.

Well, come on, let's dance.

Well, hold on just a minute.

No, no, now--

we did it for you girls.

Of course we did.

We wanted to surprise you.

Yeah.

What do you think, Harriet?

Well, apparently, they were paying attention

to the lessons.

They're pretty good dancers.

Yeah, and didn't they just say we

were the most wonderful, understanding

wives in the whole world?

That's right.

I said it, and Joe agreed to it.

I was going to say it myself, but he beat me to it.

Yeah, it was a little corny, but I think they meant it.

Oh, of course, we did.

Well, you know we did.

Maybe we'd better hang on to them.

I haven't seen anybody else here tonight who

can dance as well as they can.

Well, thank you, dear.

Shall we dance?

Hey, what's that music?

Oh, you know, that's sort of a rock and roll thing

that they're playing.

They probably just wanted to change the pace.

Come on.

Well, what do you mean, come on?

I can't dance to that kind of music.

Me, either.

You know, I guess what we need is some more lessons.

Well, I know the two best teachers in town.

They're lovely girls, too.

Well, then what do you say we sign up for some lessons?

Sure, why not?

That is, if you girls aren't too busy to teach us.

Well, come on.

Tonight's "Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

was brought to you by Peter Paul.

Need any help?

Help yourself.

That's Peter Paul Almond Joy.

And like the man says, it's indescribably delicious.

This has been an ABC Television Network film

presentation.