Original subtitles

_

That's the smoothie bar.

This is where they keep the citrus-soaked towels

for extra-sweaty workouts.

That's the steam room.

And, oh, yeah, all the gym-y stuff is over there.

Yeah. Now, that's what I'm here for. The gym-y stuff.

Yeah, we found this place a few weeks ago.

I already feel like a new woman.

I really get intense workouts in here.

I bet. This is the first gym I've ever seen

with a "do not resuscitate" option.

I am so excited we got you guys to join.

Yeah, and that has nothing to do with the smoothie bar credit

for new referrals?

Uh, absolutely not.

Now, if you'll excuse us,

we have $80 in smoothies to drink.

Man, this place looks intense.

Good thing I got these new toe shoes

for my workouts.

Dave, the purpose of shoes

is so that people don't have to see your toes.

David, you don't have to buy

every cool thing you see online.

Oh, hey, check out my Halo View.

I'm monitoring my heart rate right now,

and right now, and right now.

And I know that you are annoying right now, and right now,

and right now.

Whoa, Calvin, you don't just pick something up

without properly warming up first.

Now, come on.

Do some hip circles with me.

O-Okay.

Dave, I'm-a need you to back up, like, five feet.

All right.

Ow.

Getting old.

I should've stretched before I stretched.

Ugh...

Surprise, surprise. Something barbaric.

Of course you're good at it.

Whatever, man. I love boxing.

It's a great workout, okay?

Dave, the thing about working out is, you stay ready,

you ain't got to get ready. You know what I mean?

A-And you're not ready for those.

Now, what you want to do, do light weight

with a lot of reps.

You know what I'm saying? Like, here...

And you burn it out, and you put it back on the rack.

Whoo!

Yeah, that's enough shred for today, you know.

I don't want Tina to start tripping.

You know what I mean?

- Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com --

One. One, two.

Hey. All right. Give me three.

Four.

You're actually not that bad.

Your little toe shoes don't do your boxing skills any justice.

You know, I actually used to box a little

back in the National Guard.

They would call me the "Kalamazoo-natic."

You just got to keep saying it. You'll get used to it.

No, I don't want to get used to saying anything stupid.

You know, I actually used to fight a little myself, you know.

I mean, not for titles, mainly for my lunch money

and to sit next to Monet on the school bus.

Old girl taught me more about anatomy

than my science teacher.

You know, I... I got to admit,

turning 40 soon, and it's been really getting me down,

but looking at all this boxing stuff, I don't know,

brings me back to a time when I felt like

I was on top of the world.

Well, maybe we can get you back there.

Check this out.

They're having an amateur boxing tournament.

Nothing gets your mojo back faster

than crushing a big goal

and beating the hell out of somebody.

I don't know. You really think I can handle an actual fight?

With me as your coach? You can't lose.

Besides, smell that.

That's Bengay.

You'll be fighting a bunch of middle-aged suburban dads, man.

You'll be fine.

I don't know...

All right. You know what? Let's do it.

- Let's go. - Come on. Oh, ow.

Uh, who's got that Bengay?

Ooh!

- Marty, Marty, Marty. - Huh?

How's your heart rate looking?

Oh, it is... 120.

That's still not high enough.

- What? - Right, look, let's, uh,

- let's fix your form, okay? - Mm-hmm.

Now, you want to hit this bag with small circles, Champ.

Hey, man, why do you only call me "Champ"

when I'm not good at something?

All right, well, my bad, tough guy.

Yeah, let's stick with "Champ."

Nice form.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, man.

Why is your heart rate going up?

You having a heart a...

Oh.

I see why.

Hey, man, is that the most beautiful woman I've ever seen,

or am I just dehydrated?

Well, you are definitely thirsty.

Why don't you just go over there and talk to her, man?

Are you crazy? Did you not hear me say

that is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen?

Hey, anybody want to go a few rounds with me?

Oh, come on, don't make me fight myself.

- I'll do it! - Hey, man, what're you doing?

I am getting you in the ring, literally and figuratively.

- Malcolm, no... - Come on, man.

Ow!

Hi, I'm... gorgeous. You're Marty. I-I mean...

Hi, gorgeous. I'm Necie.

Now, have you ever boxed before?

Oh. Oh, me?

Yeah, me and boxing, we go way back to-to-to two hours ago

when my mama brought me in.

I like a proud mama's boy.

I'll take it easy on you, for your mama's sake.

Oh, no, please.

My mama would love for me to get beat up by a beautiful woman.

Ooh, that's sweet.

- Ready? - Oh, yeah. Bring it.

Ooh...

I am so sorry.

You okay there, gorgeous?

I-I-I will be if you have dinner with me.

How's tomorrow night?

Yeah, that's great.

Hopefully, I'll be able to digest food by then.

And after I worked on her cupcakes all day,

she had the nerve to cancel her order.

One "The Customer's Always Wrong" smoothie coming up.

My turn. So, this mom at my school, Jessica,

watches one TikTok,

and now she wants every kid to have a standing desk.

What are we? A start-up?

Hubie, get this woman a "Sit Your Ass Down, Jessica" smoothie.

- Already blending. - Thank you.

Hey, baby. You guys still here?

Did you work out?

Oh, yeah, we did the ab roller thingy for five minutes.

Yeah, we didn't love it.

Well, you only did it for five minutes.

Are you judging? Because I feel judged.

Yeah, why don't you guys just worry about yourselves?

Well-well, damn, what's in those smoothies?

Vitamin B Nasty?

Maybe we haven't explored all that the gym has to offer.

I guess not. You think we should take a class?

They have those here?

Either that, or all those women jumping up

and down in there, they got to pee.

Mmm, that smells delicious.

Oh, here, try some.

- Mmm. That's good. - Yeah.

I've never dated a guy who could cook before.

When did you learn?

Uh, sometime between eighth and ninth grade.

- I didn't have a lot of friends, so... - Mm.

When'd you learn to box?

Somewhere between ninth and tenth grade.

I didn't have a lot of friends.

Had a lot of bullies, though.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, me, too.

I could've used you in school.

Well, what about now?

Anybody bothers you,

I'll knock 'em out.

Ah!

Exactly.

Oh, no, no, no, like-like-like, ouch, ouch.

Ooh.

Oh, my God, are you okay?

Oh, yeah, I just, I just cut my finger.

Ah... And there is the blood.

I'm about to faint.

Oh, my gosh, you don't like blood. You are so cute.

Oh, that's a lot of blood.

- Okay, let's sit. - Okay.

Oh, that's all the blood in my body.

Ah!

Okay.

I am about to pass out. Um...

Look, just put the garlic bread in the oven at 325,

and I will be right back.

Oh. Uh...

Marty? Marty?

Come on, Dave!

Finish strong!

Can't believe I made it.

Ten miles, Calvin.

I feel bad for the man that's going up against you.

All my coaching is making you a middle-aged beast.

Now, show me that six-pack.

- Here you go. - Thank you.

Good job.

- Dave? - What?

Do you want to be a champion or not?

You forgot my chips.

Go. I'll be here when you get back.

- Hey, little bro. - Hey.

- Hey, how was your date? - Oh, it went great.

That is, until I cut my finger on a paring knife,

saw blood, almost passed out, and the date ended early.

Wait. Whoa, whoa, wait a minute, man.

- Are you serious? - Yeah. I'm not worried.

She said my wooziness was cute.

Hey, man, why are your eyebrows up so high?

Uh, look, I-I hate to break it to you, little bro,

but, uh, cute usually means,

- you know, like... - Yeah, what?

You're friend zoned.

- Friend zoned? - Yeah.

Aw, man.

Now I wish she would've just let me bleed out.

Get it. Yeah. Ah.

Dave.

_

You killed it this week, man.

How you feeling about the fight today?

I feel good.

You know, I'm not even worried about turning 40 anymore.

Gemma can't keep her hands off of me.

Says I remind her of a young Orlando Bloom.

Is that good or bad?

No, that is definitely good.

Calvin, thank you for pushing me to do this.

This is all because of you.

Hey, you're Dave? I'm Javier Perez.

Oh, hey, it's nice to meet you. I saw you on the bracket.

We're fighting in the first round.

Oh, you're not fighting me.

You're fighting my son, Javier Perez Jr.

Or as his friends call him, "Lil' Satan."

I'm not stupid. I quit fighting when I turned 40.

Oh, damn.

Calvin, this guy's gonna kill me, then take me to hell with him.

This is all because of you.

Dave, you're almost 40.

You need to stop listening to other people.

Anybody test him for steroids?

I don't know,

but if they aren't testing, you should get some.

All right, Calvin,

when I die today, and Gemma remarries,

just promise me, whoever it is,

you won't be his best friend, too.

Look, Dave, no one, especially me,

would think any less of you for forfeiting this fight.

All right, 'cause clearly Lil' Satan

is a little possessed by the devil.

Okay, look. I can't, all right?

I quit a lot of things in my first 40 years.

Some of them justified, like battle rapping.

Eminem made it look easy for all of us.

But I set a goal, and...

I'm gonna see this through.

Look, sometimes it's okay to move the goalpost.

All right?

Surviving is the new winning.

Yeah. That's right. Surviving is the new winning.

No, you shut up!

I'm done!

- What? - I'm done.

You can't quit cardio bootcamp.

I can quit anything that I paid for, just ask HBO.

Can't we go back to the good old days

when we had light cardio

- and good talks over smoothies? - Oh.

God, you're so right. Last week was a magical time.

Oh, see? See?

There you go.

- There's my girl. - Yeah, yeah.

- I didn't join this gym to work out. - Yeah.

A-A-And why are we choosing now to care what our husbands think?

You know, we could use the gym the way we want.

Damn right.

So... do you want to grab a smoothie

and talk about it before Dave's fight?

Yes, please.

Okay. Okay, so...

- Let's get up out of here. - All right.

We're back!

Give us two "We Do What We Want To Do" smoothies.

With an extra shot of "in your face."

How about a little "vitamin V" for my girls?

Oh!

Hey, man, I did some research on Lil' Satan.

You know, he removed his own wisdom teeth.

Yeah, man, he punched them out.

Yeah, yeah, whatever, Dave's gonna die.

Look, I got real problems.

Okay, look, there's Necie.

Time to get out of the friend zone.

All right, yeah, go talk to her, Champ.

Stop calling me Champ.

Come on, man.

What's wrong with you?

Hey, Necie.

Look.

Ripped my own Band-Aid off.

Didn't even hurt.

Oh... You are so funny.

You excited about this match?

I love Lil' Satan.

He never backs down from a hard fight.

And you like that?

Yeah. In or out of the ring,

you got to show people you're not afraid.

Man, the crowd in here has fallen off.

Hey! You talking about me?

What?

What? No, don't "what" me. You heard me.

What, you want smoke? Yeah, you just found your lighter.

What's up with you, Champ?

Champ?

Who you calling a champ?

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's about to go down, huh.

It's about to go down, huh.

Marty, calm down.

Why?

Look, I don't know what's going on with you,

but I don't like it.

- Necie... - Mm-mm.

Hey, man, you see what you did?

Quit it, Calvin, not so hard. That hurts.

Good.

Pain is just fear leaving the body.

I'm more concerned about me leaving my body.

Wait.

That's the guy fighting Dave?

He told me he had a dad bod.

That is no dad bod.

All right, you got this, Dave.

Get angry.

Act like you just saw him throw a glass bottle in the trash

instead of the recycle bin.

- Who does that? - Yeah.

- Let's go, Dave. - Come on, Dave.

You got it, Dave.

You got it.

Come on, Dave. Get in line.

Come on, Dave.

- You got this, David. - Yeah, yeah,

- look, Dave is holding his own. - Yeah, yeah.

Ooh!

Yes.

Well, he was.

Looks like I'm not the only one getting his heart ripped out today.

Oh!

I need to stop this fight.

Dave, throw in the towel!

Someone throw me a citrus-scented towel.

No, no, Gemma.

Look, honey, it's probably best that we just don't look.

Okay.

Come on, Dave!

You're the Tried and True from Kalamazoo.

Fight back!

Damn!

Don't worry, Dave,

a broken nose adds character.

- Come on! - Come on, Dave!

- Come on, Dave! - Yeah, there you go.

Let's go, Dave. Yes!

- Good job, Dave. - Dave, Dave, Dave!

- Dave, Dave, your corner's over there. - That one.

David, over there, over there.

Good, you did it, man, you survived.

I did?

I mean, no, no, no, yeah, sure, I did.

So, you ready for round two?

It's only been one round?

Uh, what about Lil' Satan, is he beat up, too?

Uh...

One more, one more, one more.

Look, Dave, it's great that you came this far,

but if you want to see 41,

I think you know what you need to do.

- Yeah, yeah. I think so, too. - Okay.

All right.

Oh!

What?

Oh!

One... Two...

Three.

He's out!

He's out!

Dave, you won! You won! Hey!

That's my dawg. That's my dawg.

Yeah.

That's what happens when you don't recycle.

- Yeah! - Tell him, Dave.

- Uh-oh. He's coming to. - Let's get out of here.

I don't know that I have another knockout in me.

Necie, wait up.

Oh, hey, Marty.

Glad your friend won the fight.

Oh, uh, yeah, you know,

I definitely lost some money on that bet.

Hey, uh... I'm sorry things got weird with us.

Yeah, what was all that?

I don't know. I-I-I was just embarrassed.

Before or after you acted a straight fool with that guy?

Oh, no, way, way before.

Um...

You know, you know on our date when you called me "cute"?

Um...

I-I guess I just got insecure you were friend-zoning me.

What?

Marty, I called you cute because you are cute.

Or you were, until you started

your trash talking, toxic masculinity act.

No, I'm-I'm sorry, I'm sorry. That's not who I am.

I'm not a fighter. Uh, only beef I got is on Yelp.

I just... I-I thought you were into that.

Well, I was into Marty,

the cute guy who can't take a punch.

Well, he's definitely into you.

Do you think I could get a-another chance?

I promise to only be myself.

That would be nice, gorgeous.

Oh, my God.

This will not stop bleeding. Look at that.

- Ooh. - Nope, nope.

Hey. Hah.

Well, Dave, I guess you proved today

that you can be a warrior at any age.

Two peach smoothies,

extra whipped cream for two warriors.

Aw.

You do remember that I only won on a technicality, right?

Yeah, but you showed you still had some heart,

that you still had some fight in you.

Well, a little less now.

Hmm.

Thank you for helping me get through this whole "turning 40" thing.

Anytime, man.

Hey, you know that wasn't a legit win, right?

When you're done with your smoothie,

you and me, back in the ring.

Oh, he'll be there, Tiny Devil.

Calvin, what're you doing?

Lying. Run.

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