Original subtitles

Well now, Mr. Topp. How was that?

Perfection, nurse Jones.

Think, in half-an-hour, I'll have a driving licence

then I'll be able to take up that job as a District Nurse.

I shall miss you.

Oh, Mr. Topp.

-One hundred and six lessons.

Shall we report?

Mm. One final word of advice.

Look on your examiner as a friend, nurse Jones.

Imagine you're just giving him a lift.

Ah, there he is. Remember, look on him as a friend.

Now, there's one question that I must ask you first, Miss Jones.

Do you see that car down the road? Can you read its number plate from here?

Oh, yes, perfectly.

Miss Jones, would you read that number plate for me?

Oh, all right. It's YPJ 432.

But if your eyes are that bad, it's a good thing I'm driving.

All quite clear, Miss Jones? Do you mind if I smoke?

I don't mind if you curl at the edges.

All right, drive when you're ready.

Forgot the handbrake.

All right, Miss Jones. Now, then, I want you to reverse round that corner.

Travel several yards up the road and park the car by the kerb.

You do know how to reverse?

Oh, yes, I can do it backwards.

- Oh, oh! - Now, don't move!

Don't move, leave this to me. Now, gently.

You'd probably just yank it out and bring half your uvula with it.

Now, open gently.

That's right, a little wider.

Splendid, splendid. Does that hurt?

Oh, good, good. No complications.

Now, don't talk.

Oh!

-Sensitivity unimpaired. Excellent.

Now, open wide. Ah.

Ah!

Very good.

No harm done. You'll live.

But it's a mercy I was here at the time.

Now, what were we up to?

Oh, yes, reverse.

- Oh... - Now, don't you talk.

You must rest your voice.

After this I shall do a three point turn

and then I'll drive you back to the office.

One of your colleagues can ask me the questions about the Highway Code.

Because you must not talk for at least an hour.

But if you're very good, I'll allow you to whisper:

"Nurse Jones, you've passed your test."

Better test the lock if we're to send this thing ahead by rail.

The keys!

Where did I put the keys all those years ago?

The bucket!

Mother!

I passed my test, Mother.

Mother.

Where have you been?

- In the trunk. - Oh, of course. Why are you packing?

- Oh, there's a letter for you. - The job! Where?

Oh, I don't know where, dear. I haven't opened the...

Oh, no, not where's the job. Where's the letter?

Yes, where?

- Have you packed it? - Oh, would I do a thing like that?

Yes.

- The key. Where's the key? - Here.

This is it!

District Nurse.

Headquarters, the village of Blandley.

Wonderful! But you can't take the post until you have a driving licence.

But I've got it.

I've just passed my test.

Mother, I've got the job!

No! Oh, you've had a letter?

Come on. We'd better get packing.

We'll drive there?

And then I'll park the car for good. No more driving.

That test quite unnerved me.

I hope you drive a mite fast when you pass your test, Joanna.

I have passed it, Mother.

It's not till next Thursday, dear. I made a note.

When you made the note, Mother, it was next Thursday.

But that was last Thursday.

Well, I hope we get to Blandley before next Thursday, then.

They're going to like you here, dear.

Oh, how do you know?

Look.

There! All set.

Complete with informative notes on all cases by nurse Merrick.

Incumbent hereabouts for 27 years.

Your first day.

Oh, I do hope everything goes all right.

What can go wrong?

On foot or wheels, nursing is nursing.

- I'll phone from time to time. - Oh, if you must.

But I do dislike telephones.

When it rings, you pick it up.

You listen carefully. You answer clearly.

This end is for the ear and this for the mouth.

Oh, really, Joanna.

Anyone would think I'd never used a telephone before.

Even children use them nowadays.

Well, then!

- Bye, bye. - Goodbye.

That's just what I don't like.

My fault entirely. Travelling much too fast.

No harm done, I hope.

Oh, no, none. I should have looked where I was going.

If you had, we wouldn't have met.

Henry Edwards. I farm.

Joanna Jones. I nurse.

Well, you will take care at this spot, won't you? It can be dangerous.

Oh, yes, I will.

Well.

So long, nurse Jones.

Goodbye, Mr. Edwards.

-Edwards.

Edwards' Farm!

Well, fracture my fillets, the new District Nurse!

Clobber me cabbages, I've missed her.

Oh!

Oh!

Are you there and so am I.

No, I'm not all there. Oh!

I mean, I'm not there at all, I'm here.

Yes.

No, no, she's not, she's just left.

Yes, but I could...

Never mind, thank you. I can see her, er, goodbye.

Goodbye. Hallo… who is that…

-Ooh!

Don't do that!

The sucker!

Where is that silly sucker?

Nurse!

Nurse!

Can you spare a minute? I'm so sorry to bother you on your first day.

Mrs. Wood, our daily's sprained an ankle. Would you take a look at her?

Yes, of course.

Dogs! Dogs! Dogs!

There'll be dogs all over the garden. This gate must be kept closed.

How many times!

My father, a very keen gardener.

Oh.

Oh, my foot!

Oh, the pain!

Oh, you found her, then, Miss Deborah.

Oh, Miss Jones, isn't it?

- Yes. - Well, I…

I think I've broken every bone in my foot.

You're young, not like nurse Merrick.

Now sit still, Mrs. Wood, and let me examine it.

Well, you'll like it in Blandley here, I'm sure.

There are a few people around here who are inquisitive but not to say nosey.

But that won't bother an experienced girl like you, I can see that.

Very experienced, I can tell, the way you're handling my... Ooh!

You're just out of hospital are you?

On the wards or operating, were you?

You're a born nurse. I can tell just by the touch.

Hmm, and a midwife, too, I bet, eh…

such a pretty head, and such a lot of knowledge crammed into it.

Where did you say you trained? And your mother…

that was your mother I saw, wasn't it?

I caught a glimpse of her by chance.

It's quite clear from Mrs. Wood's malingering.

Anything to get a good look at a newcomer.

Well, she might have genuinely hurt herself. I wasn't to know.

Well, you ought to know. You ought to know these people by now.

They're not these people, they're supposed to be your people.

- I don't need you to remind me of my duty. - I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that.

How could you say a thing like that to me? You know what I'm going through.

- There! How's the ankle? - Ankle, what?

Oh, my ankle… Oh, very much better.

There now, what do you think, suddenly very much better.

Now isn't that strange? Psychological, I expect,

but then a lot of aches and pains are psychological, aren't they, nurse?

- Yes. - There, quite better standing up, see.

Well, back to work.

Everything all right, no bones broken.

I should think not, nurse Merrick would have seen through that charade on sight.

-Must she make that infernal din?

Carpet beaters went out with mob caps, you know, vicar.

I'll thank you not to be facetious, nurse.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Nurse Merrick had better things to do with her time than to make jokes.

I'll do my best to live up to her solemn standards, I'm sure.

You're impertinent, nurse.

Good day.

I do apologise.

Not at all.

I should apologise for breaking the nurses' golden rule:

"Never let yourself be provoked by anybody."

I'll see myself out and I'll shut the gate.

Nurse Merrick was never late.

- I was delayed. - Nurse Merrick was never delayed.

- May I come in, please? - Nurse Merrick never asked.

She was more of a friend, nurse Merrick was.

Perhaps we can be friends in time, Mrs. Beacon.

Thank you.

Now, where's your husband's room, please?

Oh, so that's what they're saying, is it?

That's their viper-tongued gossip!

Beacon and I in separate rooms, eh?

Isn't that so? Who told you? Come on, you can tell me, girl, who?

Oh, Mrs. Beacon, please.

Nobody said anything to me about your sleeping arrangements.

When I asked for your husband's room, of course I meant your room.

His and your's, I mean.

Mrs. Beacon, please, if I made a mistake, I'm really very sorry.

Make a mistake with Beacon's treatment and he'll be sorry!

Mrs. Beacon.

I spent all last night studying most carefully the admirable notes

left me by nurse Merrick.

Ah, nurse Merrick, there was a nurse. You won't see her kind again.

Your husband has congestive heart failure and needs mersalyl injections, right?

All I know is that lately he hasn't been himself.

Why should you ask me, you're the nurse, you know all the answers.

Huh! Youngsters!

I don't mean that, Mrs. Beacon, of course, if there's anything new to tell me?

No, no, oh, no, you know it all.

Beacon!

Hallo!

The new nurse is here.

Lord save us!

Up there on the right, our room is.

Thank you very much.

Good morning, Mr. Beacon.

Now, how are we today?

-Now, take it easy, Mr. Beacon.

They should have warned me.

Am I so frightening?

I should say shockening.

- Now why, for heaven's sake? - Why, you're young.

Don't be absurd.

Now, now, now, none of your lip, miss.

Mr. Beacon, I haven't come here to give you lip.

Just an injection. Your arm, please.

I've never had it from a woman under 40.

There's a first time for everything.

- Your arm, please. - Well, no, t'aint right.

Oh, come now, before it gets cold.

Not much chance of anything getting chilly while you're around.

Now, now, none of your lip.

There, now, it will all be over in a second.

Ooh! Agony, it's blunt!

-Nonsense!

Nurse Merrick never hurt me.

Now, it's time for your blanket bath.

You, bath me?

Whatever next!

Why ever not? I presume nurse Merrick did it regularly.

At her age, it made precious little difference to either of us.

But you, oh, no, you're much too young.

Very well, then, I'll let you off just for today.

And every other day, too.

You'll not bath me if I'm in this bed till I take root.

We shall see what we shall see.

You won't!

Hallo.

Mr. Judd?

Yeah, yeah, come in, come in.

- What happened to nurse Merrick? - She's retired.

Undefeated, I reckon.

Yeah, they call me George. What do they call you?

Nurse Jones.

How's your leg?

Well, er…

won't never be as pretty as yours, Jonesy. Not even with plastic surgery.

Sit down, please.

Oh! I can't quite get to it.

- Would you like me trousers off? - No, thank you very much.

How are we going to manage, then?

If you sit still I can reach up inside to the knot.

Nurse Merrick always had 'em off.

Every nurse has her own funny little ways.

Show me just one of yours.

There we are.

Hmm. Warm hands, you'll go far, Jonesy.

According to the notes, you should be ready for a plaster dressing.

I'm ready for anything.

There we are.

Yes, we're making very good progress.

Yes, but not quite fast enough, darling.

- Now, now, Mr. Judd! - Oh, call me George.

- Now, please, sit down. - Give us a kiss first.

Now, please, Mr. Judd, behave yourself.

Keep it clean, Mr. Judd.

First round to you, Jonesy.

Quick! Oh.

Hallo. There's nobody here.

It's Joanna.

She's not here.

It's Joanna speaking.

Oh, you nasty, mucky thing, stop dripping.

I beg your pardon!

I was speaking to the paintbrush, dear.

I'm painting a window frame.

Mother, have there been any calls for me?

Several.

Right, what did they want?

Nurse Merrick!

Oh!

And when I told them you'd taken over, they all said: "Never mind" and hung up.

Oh! Sure that's all?

Ah! No, wait.

Somebody wants a massage.

A what?

Definitely. Right at the top of the pad, "massage."

Mother, that's "message," to remind you to take messages!

Oh, well, there was one. No, wait, wait.

Uh, Doctor somebody. I can't quite read the name.

He didn't speak very clearly.

Doctor Golfrey, the local GP?

I can't remember. Well, he only spoke for a few seconds and…

he seemed confused towards the end.

Breathed rather heavily. I can't think why.

I can.

Oh, never mind, I expect he'll call back.

Good. I'll be close by the phone all the afternoon, writing letters.

- Bye, bye. - Cheerio, dear.

Ooh!

You might at least make some sort of signal…

Doctor.

What're you talking about, girl? Signals are for railways.

Oh, are you by any chance Doctor Golfrey?

To the last hardened artery.

Did you telephone me, Doctor?

Not by any chance!

Me call anyone connected with that Health Service?

What's this thing doing round me neck?

I suppose you're the new DN?

To the last quivering nerve.

Ah, well, you're not a patch on old Eric, Derrick, what's her name?

Merrick!

That's it… Barrick and you never will be. Nurses today! Pah!

Good morning.

Good… morning.

You silly old… doctor.

Every car I've met has tried to kill me, what's the matter with you all?

I… I… I… I'm so, so sorry but I simply had to stop you.

Well, if it's an emergency...

Oh, no, no, no, it's nothing like that. No, you see I'm Doctor Golfrey.

Oh, really. Then who's that old idiot?

Well, that old… is my father.

Oh dear!

Oh, that's all right.

You'll be working for me. You see, I do the National Health side.

As a matter of fact, I've been trying to get you on the telephone,

but I simply couldn't make myself understood.

Tell me, who was that funny old woman that answered the phone?

That was my mother.

Well, I'm… I'm so sorry. Well, that makes two of us now, doesn't it?

Well, I just wanted to welcome you and to go over nurse Merrick's notes with you.

Now tell me, er… would tonight be convenient?

Oh, yes, it'd be fine.

- Well, goodbye. - Goodbye.

Are you quite sure you know what to do?

Of course, Miss Farthingale.

What training have you had?

State Registered Nurse.

- And? - State Certified Midwife.

That's of no interest to me, nurse.

Oh, no, no, of course not, Miss Farthingale. Are you ready?

What other training have you had?

Six months Queen's nurse and I hold the Health Visitor's Certificate.

Now, will you please sit down?

You look very young to have done all that.

Now, District Nurses aren't born old, Miss Farthingale, and I started young.

I got the First Aid badge in the Brownies. Now, head back, please.

Now, nurse, are you quite sure you've got the right stuff in there?

I've heard of eyes being burn out by the want... No, no, stop.

Ah, Miss Farthingale!

Now, watch.

There, you see? No harm done.

You blinked. You'll make me blink.

Nurse Merrick never made me blink. She was a wonderful nurse.

I'm sure she was, Miss Farthingale.

But you must have blinked just a little bit.

No, no. Not once.

I… I don't feel like the drops today.

Very well.

I say, what a nasty damp patch you've got on your ceiling.

Oh! Oh! You're a sly one. Oh!

Nurse Merrick never made me blink.

- Oh! Oh! My darling!

Oh!

Nurse Merrick never trod on Puffball.

I'm so sorry, Miss Farthingale.

But nurse Merrick's notes said nothing about your having a camouflaged puss.

- Good day.

Did you hear that Puffball?

-Oh!

Joanna, hallo, dear. How did it go?

Not nearly fast enough.

It can all go, the whole blasted district.

I hope they all come out in boils.

And if anyone mentions nurse Merrick's name to me again…

I'll…

yank their tongues out with rusty forceps.

Well, never mind, dear.

There's someone to see you.

Oh, who? Doctor Golfrey?

Nurse Merrick.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Well, whatever must you think of me!

I think you will do very well here.

It's exactly how I felt my first day.

Oh, there, there, nurse Jones. Oh!

It will be all right, you'll see.

I shouldn't have come.

But as my patients,

all the morning I have been worrying about them and they can be infuriating,

but you can't help getting fond of them.

How are they?

They're doing as well as can be expected.

- Oh. - Oh, don't worry, nurse Merrick.

I'll take good care of them.

Hadn't you both better have a sedative?

- No. No.

Thank you. Goodbye.

Joanna, I've got to say it.

I never interfere but I've been wanting to say it for weeks and I've got to say it.

Then say it.

Encourage him.

Encourage who?

Oh, I saw him, you know. That first day. Picking up your bicycle.

Oh, Mr. Edwards, you mean.

Mr. Edwards, I mean.

Biggest farm in the district. Oh, catch of the County and you don't encourage...

Mother! Mr. Edwards was very nice and polite to me for a few minutes,

several weeks ago.

He hasn't chosen to say a word, or make a move since.

Oh, that's because you don't encourage him.

What do you suggest that I should do, dear, prod him with a pitchfork?

I know he likes you, I just know.

Oh, the way he held your handlebars… so gentle.

Oh, Joanna, I never interfere, never try to influence you,

but it'd be so wonderful for you.

Such a nice looking man and with the biggest...

Good morning, nurse Jones.

Oh, hallo, Mr. Edwards. Is something wrong?

Oh, no, no, I was just passing and thought er, not much on today.

I thought perhaps you might allow me to drive you on your rounds.

I mean that penny farthing of yours pretty tiring.

I erm… hm… thought… erm.

May I?

How kind of you. Perhaps just to my first patient.

- Thank you. - As you wish.

I have to call in at the store first.

Goodbye, Mummy.

Goodbye, Mrs. Jones.

Oh, that settles it.

Shred my shallots.

One good gale.

Oh! Oh!

- Mr. Worthy. - Oh!

Oh.

I've riddled me rooftop, that settles it. It's got to be…

Give this man salt.

Mr. Worthy! Mr. Worthy!

I saw what happened, is there anything…

Oh… I saw what happened, is there… Mr. Edwards!

Oh, Lord… he looks so still.

Here, reckon we better send for your father to say a few words.

Do stop doing that, it's absolutely useless.

Ah, sorry, I just thought that…

Surely he's not dead, is he?

No, of course not.

He's deathly white.

Well, so would you be after falling face first into a flour sack.

Mr. Edwards, would you be kind enough to move him into the back room?

Ah, certainly.

- Will it be safe to move him? - Safe as houses, Mrs. Wood.

Oh, Mr. Edwards, let me help you,

you can't manage like that, heaving him about.

Rupture. Always lying in wait.

Strikes like fork lightening, doesn't it, nurse?

Come on, I'll help you.

I better look after the store for a while.

Oh, by the way, when you've got a few minutes to spare,

I would like a word with you, please, Joanna.

Oh, yes, yes.

Do you think you could find me a bowl, please, Mr. Edwards.

Thank you very much, Mrs. Wood.

Oh!

I… Oh!

Shudder me chestnuts. Me head!

Try not to talk, Mr. Worthy.

Ah, you're asking the impossible, child.

-Well, just lie still.

- Oh, good morning, Doctor. - Good morning, Mrs. Wood.

- Miss Wallcott, it isn't you, is it? - Of course it is.

- I mean it isn't you who had the accident? - Oh, no, no… Mr. Worthy.

I got rather a confused message on the phone, I'm afraid.

Through here, Doctor.

Oh, thank you.

Corn beef. Hit him on the head.

Er, did it? Frozen?

- Tinned. - Oh, yes, yes, of course.

Oh, Mr. Edwards.

Oh, good morning, Doctor. How's er… how's your father?

My father? Oh, he's er, he's flourishing, thank you.

Well, I'm not.

Ah, well, I'd better get along.

Cheerio.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Well, I'll get some water, Doctor.

Oh, thank you, nurse.

So you're the corn beef case, eh?

Yes. Family size tin.

Looks more like flour to me.

That was before.

Tell me, how did it happen?

I was on the roof.

What with the… flour or the corn beef?

Neither. What would I be doing on a roof with flour and corn beef?

Precisely.

I'd have a nice chance of selling that kind of gear up there, wouldn't I?

You are going to have a big bump.

I've had a big bump.

-Well, that's just it.

Just relax, try not to talk.

Here's the water.

I never drink the stuff, at least, not in that amount.

No. It's to wash the flour off, Mr. Worthy.

Look, do you want me with two handfuls of dough?

- Well, I'll do it for you. - I can wash meself, thank you. Aye, doc...

No, that's all right, nurse, you… you've got your rounds to do.

- Oh, thank you very much, Doctor. - Aye, aye, nurse. Nurse…

would it be taking you out of your way if I asked you to call on George Judd

and asked him to come and fix me roof?

Oh, no, not at all, Mr. Worthy.

I thought not.

- Can you spare a minute now, Joanna? - Oh, yes, what is it?

Well, I've been wondering lately, could I become a nurse?

I don't see why not.

Well, what I mean is does one's age have anything to do with it?

Well, people do usually start sort of youngish.

Mm, you don't sound very encouraging.

Frankly, Deborah, I don't know much about the age limits,

but I'll find some leaflets for you.

I'm probably too old anyway, it was a silly idea in the first place.

Only to my first patient, remember?

Even a few minutes with you.

Can I help, Doctor?

Oh, that is good of you, Miss Wallcott, but er…

I can manage, thanks very much.

At first I never thought I'd settle down to District Nursing.

What made you change your mind, the district or the nursing?

Oh, both.

I love living in the country and nursing. Well…

Goes without saying that you like that.

I never wanted to do anything else.

Never?

Don't you feel the same way about farming?

Oh, of course.

That must be a very good life, too.

- Farming? - Yes.

Very, very good.

So few people get to do what they most enjoy doing.

True.

We're two of the lucky ones, aren't we?

Yes, very true.

Er, nurse Jones…

Joanna, could you ever give up…

I… I mean give up for an hour or two and I'll show you round the farm.

Oh, I'd love that.

- You would? - Yes.

- Crops and livestock, you know. - Really.

And a huge farmhouse, ridiculous just for one person.

Oh, ridiculous.

I'll have the knitting for the Ladies Guild

ready by this evening, Miss Whatnot.

It is sewing.

It isn't, but the weather forecast said it might rain.

-Hallo… goodbye.

Ah, good morning, Miss Wallcott, is nurse Jones in?

I'm afraid not.

Oh, what a pity! I wanted to give her this.

It's a sort of a little peace offering.

- Oh, well, I'll leave it with her mother. - Good luck.

Pardon?

But surely, everybody knows by now… Nurse Merrick's gone.

-She's left. You'd better…

Oh, really!

Oh, this constant stream of calls and visitors for nurse Merrick!

Oh, wait a minute, can't you? Oh, really!

She's gone, you know.

I know. Perhaps you'll take this home-made jam for her.

I'm sorry, I must draw the line somewhere.

Phone call, letters, yes.

But I cannot accept the responsibility for home-made jam.

Does it travel well?

I may say that my jam will survive journeys to relatives and friends

in all four corners of the earth, but what I…

Then it should have no difficulty

in getting to a 104 Stephenson Mansions, Cranbridge, without going off.

- But why should I send it to a hundred… - Well, because she lives there.

Oh, she doesn't.

- Now, look here. - Why do you want to give her jam?

I was rather uncooperative when she first visited me.

And it's been weighing on my conscience.

For 27 years?

Twenty-seven… no, of course not.

You think you can gloss over a quarter of a century of heartache

with a pot of home-made jam?

I don't think anything of the kind.

I simply want to apologise and leave this little gift.

Oh, she'll understand.

Just say that Miss Farthingale...

Ah, of course, Old Cat Mad.

I beg your pardon?

Ah! Oh, you're leaving this for Joanna my daughter,

not for nurse Merrick.

Didn't I say?

Come in, oh, do come in, come in.

Miss Farthingale, I've been wanting to meet you for weeks.

Oh, yes from what Joanna told me of you I had a feeling we'd get on well together.

Understand each other.

They say sleep's the best medicine for them.

He's still got to have his injection. Will you wake him please, Mrs. Beacon?

No, you wake him.

You know how to wake him better than I do.

Don't be coarse.

I don't want to squabble.

And I don't want him woken.

Maybe if he has a good long sleep, he might wake up himself again.

What do you mean?

I keep telling you, these days he is not himself.

Well, in what way?

Well, it's just… there aren't any flashes of the old Beacon.

I don't understand.

You will, sooner than anyone, when he is himself again.

No doubt… no doubt.

Well, somebody's got to wake him, who's it to be?

It seems you've got some powerful support, nurse Jones.

Thank heaven the rain has stopped.

Oh, you poor chilled pair, come on in and have a cup of tea.

Oh, no, ta, Uncle. I'd better get on the roof and inspect the damage like.

I'll have a cup when I figure out what has to be done.

- Good boy! - I'm afraid I can't wait that long.

I'm so near home I think I'll just get along now.

Rot me radishes, if I let you out on a night like this

without a cup that cheers.

Oh, ow!

George!

Whatever are you doing up there?

Swimming the channel you… mangly old wurzel.

Oh, come down at once, George.

I can't, it's my arm.

What's the matter, is it broken?

I don't know, come up and have a look, the water's fine.

Now, there's no need to talk like that, George, she didn't push you in.

Jangle me jewels, she didn't.

I know she didn't, but you left a mess of tools up there so I'd fall over.

- Screw me driver, so I did. - Yeah.

- Have you got a couple of ladders? - Yes. Five pounds ten a pair, job lot…

Oh, do you mean, to rescue?

Yes.

Just a minute, George, stay there, now stay there.

Thank you.

Now, come along, then. George, come on, let's have a look.

Ah, don't worry, George, we'll have you down in a minute.

Oof.

Don't worry, George, keep cool, we'll have you down in a minute.

Oh!

Well, flex me muscles, what are you doing down there?

Come on, George, come on, get out of the water, come on, then.

- That's it, get down.

All right, and don't worry about the shirt, George.

Don't worry about your shirt, I've got a lovely new line, 17 and 11, that's all.

-Oh, did that hurt?

No, I was just yelling for the pure joy of living.

You said these ruddy boots were water-proof when you sold them to me,

you moth-eaten old fibber.

Yes. It's probably only a scale fracture

at the head of the radius.

There's that tell-tale little blob of matter forming already.

Oh, well, ten days or so in a proper sling and you'll be all right.

Eh, Jonesy, does that mean you'll visit me every day?

If Doctor Golfrey says so. Come along.

Good night, Mr. Worthy.

Aye, what about me hole?

Hallo, Deborah, I was just gonna call, I've got some information.

Good as new.

Oh, George, no!

'Ere, what's the matter with you? Can't you drive that thing?

- Oh, my arm! - I hope you're insured, that's all.

Oh, the things I do just so's you'll visit me every day.

See, look, Jonesy, the tell-tale blob.

Huh, I've got another stale fracture on my radio.

Why didn't you look where you were going?

'Cos I wanted to go where I was looking.

-Oh, dear!

Better take him to the doctor, hadn't we?

I was just about to.

Don't you bother yourself, Jonesy.

You'll be seeing enough of me the next ten days or so.

If you could take my hand, miss. I, er, feel kind of faint.

Oh, I bet you do.

Oh, well, er, when's your day off, my darling?

Do try and keep still, Mr. Beacon.

It's for your own comfort.

Try not to…

That's your toe-nails cut.

He's very cheerful today, Mrs. Beacon.

But not himself.

I wish I knew exactly what you mean by that.

Well, Beacon, you see…

Beacon's not the kind of man, like, er… like illness, I mean.

He's not the sort to let it as it were…

make him lose interest, if you know what I mean.

It's his heart, Mrs. Beacon.

He's not supposed to exert himself in any way.

In what way would you particularly be referring to?

- Well… - You're too young to understand.

Oh, not that again!

When you're a bit older, you'll have a more subtle understanding

of a man's nature.

I hope I shall be clear enough in the head to say exactly what I mean.

I don't like your tone, nurse.

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm only trying to help.

No doubt you will when the time comes.

When he's himself again.

There we are, Jonesy.

I'm meself again.

You're a quick healer.

Well, I need to be the way I bash meself about.

Still, I think you'd better go and see Dr. Golfrey just to make sure it's cured.

There's your proof, Jonesy.

I wouldn't try to prove it that way with the doctor.

What have you got against me?

Nothing. Except, you're always trying to get against me.

Smart as a whip, ain't you?

Try not to break anything else.

Ha, wait a minute, Jonesy.

Here, what's bothering you?

I mean apart from me, and I promise to be good now.

George, I hear a lot of gossip in my job.

Why don't I ever hear anything about Deborah Wallcott and her father?

You don't know much about country folk, do you?

Clearly I know less than nothing about rural vicars.

Ah, leave him alone like we do, till he's finished.

Finished what?

Fighting it out with God.

I don't understand.

No, neither did he when his wife died sudden, a few months ago.

He shut himself away from us. We knew why.

Because… well, because he couldn't accept it.

No rhyme or reason in it for him, you see. Still isn't.

How can he tell us to accept things, when he can't?

He's ashamed to face us.

That's it. And you don't gossip.

About things like that? No, of course not.

- Thanks for saying as much to me. - You're easy to talk to, Jonesy.

I wish the vicar was.

I'm in the wrong seat!

-No, you're not. You're going to drive.

- No, I'm not. - Oh yes, you are.

One short period of calm tuition and at the same time

a little psychological experiment in human relationships.

- What! - Drive!

- We're not moving. - I know.

Look, there must be something wrong with the car.

It should be "All systems go."

Hm, all but one. How about switching on?

Now, don't be sarcastic, Henry, or I won't drive at all.

You're in gear!

I know, you have to be in gear to move a car.

We'll ignore the last few seconds. They never happened.

That's the spirit. Calm, like you promised.

Ha ha!

Ha ha!

Good… good. Straight.

Straight!

Second.

-Away from the verge.

No so… close to the verge.

Joanna, I said…

The verge! You're on the wrong side of the road!

That's it. Good, lovely, fine.

Third. Third!

Back towards the verge a bit. Towards the…

the verge.

-The verge, I said!

Joanna, I said the verge! You're on the wrong side of the road!

Some people, really!

Never mind other people, you just keep your right distance from the verge.

- Careful!

Lovely.

Good.

Fine.

Fourth.

-What happened?

I did it without making a noise.

- No? - Yes.

Well, don't sound so surprised. I have passed my test, you know.

Okay, okay. Keep up with the traffic.

Up with the traffic, I said, not under his exhaust pipe!

Who'd have thought he was going so slowly?

- Never mind his speed. You slow down. - Oh, no, I'm going to overtake.

Careful, careful, not like that!

- Well, how, then? - Well, peep before you go.

- All right now? - Stay where you are.

- But I want to overtake! - You'll undertake at this rate.

- Stay where you are. - But he's crawling!

- But he's signalling!

- Get off the road! - Right.

- Not like that! At the next turning. - Don't grab the wheel!

Do you want to go on the grass for a picnic?

You should speak more clearly and calmly.

I am calm. And get off the main road!

I told you I was no good at driving.

Rubbish. Anybody can drive. Anybody of average intelligence.

You only have to remember a few simple mechanical… Watch it!

- Take your grubby hands off my wheel! - Don't shout!

You have to be calm to drive… calm!

Think ahead. Think hundreds of yards…

Here! Turn here!

You can't take a corner like that!

- Well, I just did. - You should have gone into second.

I didn't have time. Suddenly you yell, "Here, here,"

when we're on top of the flaming corner.

What did you expect me to do, hang out a message in flags?

After a hundred lessons, it should be instinctive.

A 106.

Which is about your speed right now.

- No, I'm only doing… - Eyes front!

Slow down. You're exceeding the limit.

- It doesn't feel like it. - It will when you hit something.

Oh, you're very good at making a person feel confident.

If I had that gift, I'd need it all for myself.

Slow down!

All right!

Ah, that's better.

For the first time I feel you're in control of the vehicle.

Would you like to drive?

Yes.

Oh, you! I'll show you!

Just you shut up for one minute

and I'll show you whether I can drive or not!

It's all this talking, all this so calm, I don't think, advice.

That's what's throwing me. From now on you leave it to me.

Joanna.

Joanna.

Joanna!

Jo… Joanna!

Jo… Joanna!

- Will you shut up! - Joanna!

I suppose the Ladies Guild knows what it's doing.

But I can't quite see how the possession of a pinafore

helps to take Christianity to the Heathen.

Oh, good gracious, Puffball has to be fed.

Ah, it must be late.

There's a testimonial for you. When a nurse gets home it must be late.

Oh, I'll come and see you off, dear. Right.

Don't forget now, next Tuesday.

Tuesday, 4:30.

Tuesday. Goodbye.

Well, what's the news?

I'm going out to dinner.

Oh, may one ask with whom?

Doctor Golfrey.

Oh, Joanna, he's a 100 years old.

Oh, not him, you silly, the young one. Harold.

He just asked me when I took a patient into him. George Judd.

But what about Mr. Farmer? Oh, why can't I remember names?

You know, the one who called this morning.

Edwards. Henry Edwards.

Huh, nothing to report, really.

Oh, well a doctor will be all right.

What a relief to see you married to somebody solid and reliable.

So far, you know, we're only planning to share one meal together,

not our entire lives.

And, anyway, why would it surprise you so much

if I chose to marry someone solid and reliable?

Because… don't be offended, Joanna…

but I've often thought you're so orderly and responsible in your job.

And you do it with such discipline.

When it comes to your heart, you might be off guard…

and choose quite the wrong man just for a change.

You're really an old shrewdy, aren't you?

Why do you pretend to be so muddle-headed?

I don't pretend, I am muddle-headed.

Except where my girl's concerned.

Doctor Golfrey, nice.

Oh.

Doctor Golfrey, nice.

Thanks.

- Deborah. - Hmm?

- Deborah Wallcott? - Yes.

She asked me only this morning about becoming a nurse.

I don't want a nurse, just a secretary.

Fine. She's right here on the spot and she wants a job.

But she's already got a job looking after that father of hers.

What a life that is.

No, I… I didn't ask you here to discuss that, I…

I thought perhaps you might have some helpful suggestion.

Perhaps some old friend of yours from your hospital.

But why not Deborah?

Let's leave her out of it, shall we?

I think I'd better advertise in the local paper next week.

I'm sorry I snapped just now, I didn't mean it.

Sorry I nagged.

I just thought…

that the best thing for you would be…

Deborah.

Oh, Miss Smallcott… Shortcutt, do come in.

Sorry to call so late, Mrs. Jones, but the pinafores…

if I could catch the very early post in the morning.

- Oh! - Are you all right?

But I mustn't say.

But why ever not?

No, no, no, no, I mustn't.

There's enough gossip in this village without me adding to it. Oh, no, no, no.

- I don't spread gossip, Mrs. Jones. - No, neither do I.

Oh, mustn't. There's nothing to tell anyway.

What did you want, Miss Wallnutt, Willnutt?

The pinafores, please.

- Pinafores? - Those.

I don't want to pry, Mrs. Jones,

but you seem to have something on your mind.

Can I help in any way? I mean, what's wrong?

Nothing. Oh, it's all so wonderful.

Oh, so wonderful, I must tell somebody, and if you can't trust a Bishop's wife.

I happen to be a vicar's daughter, but never mind.

It's Joanna. She's practically engaged.

Oh, but that is wonderful.

Do I know the lucky man?

Young Doctor Golfrey.

Hallo.

Ah, hallo. Joanna.

Mr. Edwards?

Er… Henry. Yes.

Oh, how are you, Henry?

I… er… I didn't sleep very well last night.

Oh, I… I don't think I can help you.

You don't? I… I think you can, you know.

No, you ought to call your doctor.

Well, it's not that kind of not sleeping.

Oh!

I… I hesitated a long time before phoning you.

I hope I'm not keeping you or anything like that.

I… well, I…

Now, listen, there's something I must tell you… I mean, ask you.

Do you mind?

But… this is so sudden.

Well, it isn't really. I've been thinking about you ever since we first met.

I… I don't want to sound too cautious…

but you see, I've lived on my own on this farm some time now and…

I don't want to take too much for granted, so you can tell me…

well, if I'm wasting my time.

You know what I mean?

Well, I…

I like you very much.

There's so much more I want to say to you.

Look, I have to go away for a couple of days

but I couldn't leave without knowing.

Well, I'm so glad you phoned. Really.

But when I come back, I'll drive you for a whole day and we'll talk about…

about everything.

Meanwhile…

meanwhile, Joanna…

I… I love you.

Did you say… love?

Oh!

Oh, I can't wait for you to get back.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

Oh, yes.

Goodbye.

Oh, yes.

Well?

He says he loves me.

Oh, who wants a farm?

A doctor's wife. I knew it. What else did he say?

He's going away for a few days.

What about his practice?

What practice?

Joanna, concentrate. Oh, how your mind wanders.

I don't know where you get it from. Practice.

Practice. He's a doctor, isn't he?

Oh, no.

He's a farmer.

Huh…

But you went out with the doctor last night.

Oh, that was business.

Exceptionally strong wind this morning.

Oh no!

No!

-Oh!

- Are you all right? - Not a bruise. You?

Not a scratch.

To work then.

"Doctor requires secretary."

- Is that the local newspaper at last? - Mmm.

Thank you. Why wasn't it delivered on the day of publication?

- There was a muddle at the shop. - Always is.

At least this time, it's the local paper and not The Racing Record.

The lack of facilities of service of anything civilised in Blandley,

is enough to try the patience…

Come in.

Well, good morning, Miss Wallcott. Won't you sit down.

Now then, what seems to be the trouble, eh?

Oh, there's no trouble. This is a social call.

Oh, well, how very nice.

Well, not really, social, more business, I suppose.

Oh, yes.

Oh, I'm sorry, Doctor, but I thought all the patients had gone.

I'm so sorry.

Well, that's quite all right, Miss Maitland. Quite all right.

That was Miss Maitland, my new secretary. She started today.

Now then, Miss Wallcott, what is the reason for this er, business call?

A contribution to the organ fund, perhaps?

Wait a minute. Are you sure you're feeling quite well?

When you came in it seemed to me that you were...

I… I only just read your advertisement.

Someone I know might have filled the post but… it's obviously too late.

Well, it's very good of you to concern yourself.

- Now I'm rather concerned about you. - I'm really all right, thank you.

- At least let me finish taking your pulse. - No, please.

I'm quite all right, thank you. Goodbye.

Goodbye.

First aid!

That's one way of getting customers!

Oh, Constable. You're all muddy.

-No, miss, that there's a cow field!

All right, so you're not temperamentally suited to driving.

I'll never learn, never.

I've learnt something, though.

Nurse rhymes with hearse?

No, seriously.

I told you it was an experiment in relationships, didn't I?

Well, you tell me. Do you think Yehudi Menuhin could teach his wife

to play the violin without breaking it over her head?

Why not?

He seems very nice on the telly. But I don't really see what...

It's got a lot to do with what I've learnt just now.

Do you think, to give you another example, do you think that

any husband could teach his wife to drive, without a few words?

Not without a few words.

You didn't have a few words with Mr. Topp?

- Oh, no, never. - Why not?

Well, because…

- Well, because… - Because you weren't close to him.

- That's right. - You had a few words with me just now.

Lots of words.

Which makes me sure that…

- What are you thinking? - We couldn't do this on a bicycle.

- And you? - Me?

- What are you thinking? - Oh, just that…

I don't suppose Mrs. Menuhin wants to learn to play the violin.

- It's like an adventure, isn't it? - Yes.

- You're not worried? - Oh, no.

No, everything will be all right, don't worry, we'll make it.

Don't forget the car is carrying three people.

Yes, you, me and the quins, by the feel of it. Come on, baby!

Smile when you say that.

Well, how do you like the countryside?

Anywhere would be better than that filthy room and that horrible landlady.

No children!

Look, Anne, maybe I was wrong to try and cope like this.

We could sell the car and caravan and put a deposit on some sort of a house.

You know we can't get a mortgage.

No, this is the only way.

This way we do have a place of our own to live in.

Once we find somewhere to park it.

Hey, look!

This is it, Anne.

I think you've made a mistake. This is a private land.

The gate was open.

Don't give me an argument, move on!

- Where to? - I don't know.

- And you don't care. - Oh, Tim!

That's enough. Get off my land.

We'll… we'll pay rent.

It's not to let.

Leave this to me.

If you want us off this land the police will have to carry us off.

- Tim, don't start an argument. - Be quiet.

All right, the police if you insist.

That'll make a nice headline about a prominent farmer, won't it?

If you can expose your wife in her condition to the humiliation

of arrest and I can take a few hard lines in the local rag.

Madam.

Go on, out you get, George.

See 'em off.

Hey, lend us your car.

We need it to clear off.

If you want to stay here a while lend me your car.

- You can help? - I'll try.

- Oh, God bless you! - Maybe he will, but Mr. Edwards won't.

And he showed you all over the farm. Good. And then what happened?

Oh, it's terrific.

I don't know how many acres he's got.

Oh, I do, 987, right?

Then what happened?

- Then we had tea. - Good, good.

Oh, it's such a beautiful house.

Hmm, naturally. But what happened?

It's very old, you know, but everything modern has been installed.

The best of both worlds.

- Oh, it's... - Joanna.

I've listened patiently to a driving lesson,

a conducted tour of the farm.

I've been with you through every nibble of high tea in his ideal home.

But you haven't told me anything important.

Well, like what?

Like what happened.

Well, that's it.

What do you mean, that's it?

That's what happened.

Didn't he ask you to…

do anything special?

What do you mean?

Marry him! Didn't he ask you to?

Oh, that!

Oh, no.

Then why are you so happy?

Because I know he will.

He's shy and cautious.

Wonderful qualities in a man, if the waiting doesn't kill you.

The next time we meet he'll ask me, you'll see.

The next time we meet, everything will be wonderful.

- Oh! - Jonesy!

Oh, who's he? Escaped from The Archers?

She's going to have a baby, you've got to stop it.

George, who?

He wanted to chuck her out, Mr. Edwards,

it's only his temper he'd be sorry afterwards. Come on!

Mr. Edwards, no!

Mr. Edwards!

A baby, ooh!

- Hallo, Mr. Taylor. - How do you do?

And Mrs. Taylor.

Oh!

Lumme, Mr. Edwards!

Come on in, quick, in.

Come on, get her into bed, come on, quickly.

Into bed.

Now, Mr. Taylor, try to look more anxious.

Impossible!

Here, what's going on?

Oh, Joan... Nurse.

Yes, excellent, getting her into hospital, eh?

- No. - Well, why not?

Because there isn't a maternity bed available at such short notice.

Oh, don't worry, Mr. Edwards, she'll be perfectly all right here.

Continue with the pills, my dear.

And remember, no tension, no anxiety, and above all no travelling.

Is there any fresh running water near here?

You know perfectly well there is. You saw it yourself yesterday. But…

Oh, yes, of course… How forgetful of me.

You'll get the water, won't you, Mr. Taylor?

You won't let her exert herself in any way?

Er, no. No.

You don't seem to understand, nurse, they'll have to leave now.

Let's get things quite clear, Mr. Edwards.

One, this lady is in need of treatment.

Two, it's my job to provide it.

And three, the appropriate regulations state she cannot be moved on for 14 days.

But even if she's on my land?

Even if she was down a coal mine.

Right. I'll have the law on them.

Too late, Mr. Edwards, the law, in a manner of speaking is already on you.

What is it, dear, an electronic bedpan?

Really? It's a pressure cooker.

My nephew gave it to me for Christmas, there's a screw loose.

Oh, poor boy!

Oh, no, the pressure cooker, so you'd better test it.

I can't do anything with it at all.

But those poor young things in the caravan.

Oh, those poor young things, they may be able to make use of it.

I've never seen Miss Deborah in such a mood.

Happy, she's happy?

Ecstatical. Bright-eyes, no less.

Well, double me damsons.

- She lit up the vicarage this morning. - What, drunk?

No, I checked. Not a whiff on her breath.

Ah, but maybe she was hiding the aroma,

like with peppermints, or cloves, or something of…

Can't fool me.

Ah, no!

Mr. Wood.

- God rest his soul. - Amen.

No, you know, it's as though, well, how shall I say?

As though she suddenly found herself a purpose in life.

- Oh… oh, she's coming in here. - Yeah, well, hide.

- Why? - Do you want to miss something?

Good morning Mr. Worthy.

Good morning, it is yourself

that's looking bright and all lit up this morning.

- What can I do for you? - Er… two dozen napkins, please.

For the table?

No, no, for a baby, of course.

You know whose, I except

but you won't tell, will you?

Uh…

Napkins.

Now… er… soft little hairbrush.

It's sure to be born with a fine head of hair.

His father's got one like a thatched roof.

Have you known him long?

No, I just caught a glimpse of him in passing.

Er… that's right, one silky little hairbrush.

Oh, how perfectly sweet!

Now… er… baby powder.

Baby powder.

Mm hm. A feeding bottle.

Feeding bottle.

That's… er… a really hygienic teat?

Use it meself.

Don't joke, this is serious.

Serious isn't the word, Miss Deborah.

Now, mm… can you think of anything else?

I'm thinking all sorts of things.

Whatever they are, kindly keep those thoughts to yourself, Mr. Worthy.

I mean, I'd rather you didn't mention these purchases to anybody.

Well, I can imagine that, Miss Deb...

- I haven't even told my father. - Oh, God!

But we're all entitled to our little secrets, aren't we?

-Yes.

And I hope mine won't get out.

Miss Deborah…

in time…

it must…

Oh?

Oh, poor Mrs. Wood, she was stock-taking.

Well, what made her faint like that?

You taking stock of me?

Oh, Miss Deborah, I…

Oh, please don't apologise, Mr. Worthy, I haven't been so flattered in years.

Oh!

"Take care that the pressure cap is inserted.

'A' side uppermost.

If this is…"

-Ooh!

They say they're stuck for blankets up at that caravan.

Don't say where they came from and oblige. Good morning.

You know for who, but you won't tell, will you?

Oh, well, whatever next I wonder.

Anybody at home?

Good morning, nurse.

I see you know the ropes.

Hi. What about the vicar, then, eh?

Got a lift out with the doctor.

Asked me if I could do some extra work in his garden.

That should keep me going till I get a regular job.

The vicar's going to let you touch his garden?

Well, why not? I haven't got Colorado Beetle.

Why you wearing a clothes line round your neck?

Well, certainly not to hang myself with, Mr. Taylor.

Life can be really rather nice.

- It's all over the village, Joanna. - What is?

That you've fallen out with Mr. What'sit.

- I never fell in with Mr. What'sit. - Don't snap.

- Don't pry. - Joanna!

Oh, I'm sorry.

I never interfere. Never try to influence you.

- But you want to know why. - I'm your mother.

I'm interested in what you do with your life.

Right.

Would you like to see me married to a bad-tempered,

selfish, narrow-minded, feudalistic brute?

Of course not.

But I'm talking about Mr. er… Edwards.

So am I. For the last time… never talk about him again.

Even though you love him

and he's on your mind every second of the day?

There's nothing on my mind but my work.

Goodbye, Mummy.

I never interfere but there comes a time when…

nothing else.

Er… Edwards.

Mrs. Jones.

- Oh, yes, I got your chimney flue in hand. - Have you?

Yes, your husband wrote me last Wednesday.

You sure?

Well, aren't you?

Not altogether. He's been dead for nine years.

You are the Mrs. Jones with the crumbling flue?

I am not.

Oh, am I? Oh!

Hold on, I'll have a look.

Er… wait. If you're not Mrs. Jones of Farm Cottage,

you couldn't be nurse Jones' mother, could you?

- Couldn't I? - Well, are you?

- Yes. - Mrs. Jones, I want to see you.

Why me? It's Joanna you're in love with, isn't it?

Um… yes.

Then come to tea on Sunday.

Mmm… the 27th?

If you prefer.

Sunday is the 27th.

Oh… then, that's convenient for both of us.

The 27th.

Goodbye-e.

Er, goodbye… e.

Don't forget now. The 27th.

Miss Maitland.

Miss Maitland. Where are…

That's funny. Where the devil is the girl? She…

"Dear Doctor Golfrey.

Can't stand village life.

Sorry if I inconvenienced you.

Took job on impulse. Leave it the same way.

Yours squiggle… Maitland."

Oh, the inconsiderate little…

Can't have a secretary for five minutes. They're in and out of the place.

I don't know!

"Indigestion, insomnia,

inflammation of the… General deb…" deb… Deborah… deb… "debility."

Wait a minute. Why didn't I think of her?

Oh, wait.

Deborah. Deborah. Deborah.

All right, Mrs. Nicholl, I'll be over to see you this very afternoon. Goodbye.

This afternoon?

Now, don't forget you're due at the Old People's Home at 3:30.

Well, perhaps nurse Jones will lend me her bicycle, eh?

Oh, it's wonderful to see you looking so happy and busy again.

Hallo.

Just a moment.

Don't be long, dear. I've got masses of calls to make.

Hallo.

Speaking.

Oh, good morning.

Really?

Well, I… I don't know,

I mean, I'm… I'm busier than I was when I came to…

All right.

Right away.

You know Dr. Golfrey's secretary, that flighty little thing,

well, she's flown. He's offered me the job.

What do you think?

Well, if I were you…

I wouldn't waste a moment.

Crystal clear at last.

I don't think you'll have any more trouble, Miss Farthingale.

Thanks to you.

Well, I didn't invent the drops.

Now, you know what I mean. Would you like some tea, dear?

Oh, I think I've just got time for a quick cup. Thank you.

Jonesy!

- The caravan baby? - It's started.

I knew it.

She knew it.

She knew it, Puffball. Isn't she a wonderful nurse!

He was just leaving to do some gardening for the vicar when she took queer.

- Lucky you were passing. - I was just going muck raking.

I don't know what Mr. Edwards'll say.

Talking of much raking, there's a lot of chatter in Blandley

about you and the governor.

They say there's a rift in the flute.

- They say wrong. - Really?

There's a dirty great crack in the euphonium.

I don't want to talk about it.

Well, I do. You don't have to listen. You can get out if you like.

He's got a temper. Who hasn't?

And he's obstinate. Well, so are you.

But he's always sorry for his obstinacy and his temper.

I've told you before.

It's time he learnt to control himself.

Jonesy, you can't change people.

But you can understand 'em, if you want to, if you care enough.

I said, I didn't want to talk about it.

Well, he will and soon, too, I reckon.

When he does, give him a chance, that's all I ask.

It's none of your business, George.

Oh, don't worry, Tim, the nurse will be here in a minute.

Come on, Mr. Taylor, outside.

Wild nurses wouldn't drag me in there.

Ah, well. Everythin'll be all right now. So long.

- No, don't go. Don't go! - I have to go, Mr. Taylor.

- Got to do some muck spreading. - No, please… please stay with me.

Ah, well, okay. Now, keep calm. Here, have a cigarette.

Oh, no, no, I don't drink, no.

Do… do you know what I want?

- No, what? - A girl.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Your wife lying in there...

Oh, give me a cigarette, for goodness sake!

Take it easy.

It's a girl, Dad.

It's arrived.

It's a girl. Oh, just what I wanted.

Just what I wanted! Just what I wanted, it's a girl!

Now, the doctor says you're doing so well you can have a real bath today.

Only lukewarm, of course, and if I help you. How about it?

- Well, what are we waiting for? - That's the spirit. Up you get.

Oh!

Mr. Beacon!

Ah, Beacon's himself again.

Er, more choke, love. More choke.

Come on, you stubborn bas...

Oh! Hallo, vicar.

Good morning, Mr. Taylor. Mrs. Taylor. How's the baby?

Oh, firing on all cylinders, not like this thing.

Oh, well, we'll try again later.

- Well, it's got to go, and so have we. - It's the 14th day.

Ah, yes, now, about the christening…

Oh, well, that's very kind of you, sir, but we may not even be in the district.

Oh, you might be.

I… I don't think you understand, sir. I have to find a job

and somewhere else to park.

Well, I may be able to help with both.

You've found somewhere for us?

The vicarage.

The vicarage?

I need a housekeeper.

My daughter now has a job that seems to take up all her time.

I need a chauffeur-gardener, the pressure of Parish affairs, you know.

Also the vicarage is big and empty and a child there…

You can have the whole top floor.

- Well? - When would you want us to start, sir?

Now.

-I'll get the baby.

-I'll give you a hand.

What do you think you're doing?

- We're leaving. - Who told you you could leave?

Would you believe it! Blinking squatters!

They think they can come and go as they like.

Turn that row off.

Well, if I do, we'll probably be in this field for ever.

No, you won't. I've got a tied cottage ready for you and a job on my farm.

Thank you very much, Mr. Edwards but…

I think the vicar needs us more than you do.

There we are.

Let me help you, Mummy.

-Thank you, dear.

Oh, no, just at tea time!

Oh, hallo, I've… I've come to tea.

Didn't your mother tell you?

Some years ago my mother told me never to speak to strange men.

Since then she's consistently refused to tell me anything else.

Do come in.

Who is it, Joanna?

I, er… I didn't forget the 27th, Mrs. Jones.

The 27th what?

Tea.

Tea.

You apparently invited Mr. Henry Edwards to tea, dear.

I knew there was something.

Do you know Miss Farthingale?

Oh, charmed.

How do you do?

- Do sit down, Mr. Edwards. - Oh, thank you.

Er, no sugar for me. Thank you, dear.

For you, Mr. Henwards?

- Ah, three, please. - I do like a man with a sweet tooth.

Don't you, Joanna?

Character is what counts, Mother, not diet.

My grandfather had a very sweet tooth.

Oh, really?

Nasty man!

- Not enough sugar, Mr. Henry? - Mmm.

Oh, are you Mr. Henry?

Well, I suppose I am.

Really? I thought you were Mr. Edwards.

I think my mother would like to know

why you're not drinking your tea, Mr. Edwards.

Oh, well, I've been smoking too much and it always dulls my sense of taste.

"Taste"? Does it taste funny?

Well, mine's all right.

Perhaps yours isn't salted.

Salt?

Oh, please, I don't mind.

It's probably quite healthy now and again. You know…

drink a pint of milk a day and salt your water once a quarter.

Oh!

Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Edwards, I do apologise.

How could I do a thing like that? It's not like me.

I did so want you two to have a nice cosy tea together.

So that's it. Well, I appreciate your trying to bring us together

in a domestic atmosphere.

And I can forgive you for not telling me.

I can even forgive you for the salt.

But why did you invite Miss Farthingale?

Well, I had something in my head about the 27th. I thought it was her.

So I invited her and forgot I'd invited him.

But I did get the day right.

Well, that's that little manoeuvre up the spout.

Farthingale's all over the place.

- I've got it. - I know you have, darling.

He can take you for a drive.

Well, it won't be quite the same as in traditional parlour, will it?

Take it from me, Joanna,

with a man like Henry Edwards, it's the same anywhere.

Mother, really!

Awfully stuffy in here, isn't it?

Shall we all go out for a drive?

Oh, yes.

Oh, no. You take Joanna.

- Well, how about it? - All right.

Mrs. Jones.

But he asked us all.

Shut up, Millicent.

Well, how have you been?

Very well, thank you.

Good.

And you?

Splendid, thanks.

Good.

In health, I mean.

I beg your pardon?

I've been splendid in health, but otherwise…

Ah, Joanna, I've been absolutely miserable.

- Why? - You know why.

- Keep your eyes on the road. - Don't tell me how to drive.

- Don't you lose your temper. - Don't you ever lose yours?

Frequently. But I wouldn't turn penniless people

off a tiny piece of land if I owned 987 acres.

He rubbed me up the wrong way.

How about one of your fields turned into an open air maternity ward?

- I don't own any fields. - You could if you married me.

Marry you? When I know you fly off the handle at the slightest thing?

- Maybe it's medical in origin. - What?

Perhaps I don't have a regular soothing influence in my life.

There are pills, you know.

Damn it, will you marry me or not?

Do I have to go on envying Taylor and his ramshackle caravan

just because he's got a wife and kid and I haven't?

I never will have if you don't marry me,

because there's no other girl I'm likely to meet who...

You, envy him?

I've said so, haven't I?

And how I envy her.

Joanna!

Keep your eyes on the road, Henry.

No need, I've stopped.

You really must try and control that temper.

I'll control anything you want me to.

Shall we go in and tell the Town Crier? Save him the trouble of finding out.

Wish we could get something on him.

Talks about everybody else, does old Abel Worthy, but…

but there never seems to be anything really spicy to circulate about… him.

Never mind him.

Never mind anybody.

Hey, nurse.

Come up here. Look sharp.

Come along, give me a hand, nurse.

Well, what's the matter with Mr. Worthy?

He's been painting and forgot that the paint was wet.

The dim-witted yokel. Come on. Come on.

Not a word about this to anyone, do you hear?

Well, girl, what's the matter with you?

Never come across anything like that before?

Oh, yes, Doctor, but…

never framed.