Original subtitles

MUSIC: 'Land Of Hope And Glory' by Elgar

Every year, it's our job to find talent

to perform at the Royal Variety Performance.

CHEERING

Over the years, some of our best acts have performed

in front of King Charles and the rest of the royal family.

The bar for talent this year has already been raised.

What a performance!

Absolute superstars.

You just blew the roof off.

Bye.

We need an act...

good enough...

to perform in front of the King.

Oh, ye! BELL RINGS

Auditions continue.

Today's the big day. DOG GROWLS

# God, who made thee mighty... #

Imagine we get to perform in front of the royal family.

# Make thee mightier... #

Only the best of the best can win!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello, hello, hello. Hello.

So, tell me who we have here.

I'm Baoji, and you guys are... Baoji's Class!

CHEERING AMANDA: Hey!

I'm a teacher that currently tours schools,

and Baniji's Class is a collective of nine different schools

across London. Oh, really?

And today, we're going to be performing a song

for the new King called New King.

Oh, nice. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And what's your hope off the back of doing Britain's Got Talent?

We hope to win and perform in front of the new King himself,

King Charles II.

Fantastic! BRUNO: Oh!

AMANDA: Wow! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

How did you feel this morning when you woke up,

knowing you were coming here today?

Tired. LAUGHTER

Oh, I feel it every day. Oh, bless him.

SIMON: I get it. Have you woken up?

Are you ready for this?

I'm definitely ready. Yes, let's do it!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Good luck, good luck.

MUSIC STARTS

# If you were King from today

# How would you celebrate?

# Open the palace gates

# Eat pizza, and stay up late... #

Yeah! # Do you believe

# You have what it takes To wear the crown?

# I'll be the coolest king

# Swap diamond rings For crispy onion rings

# Or chicken wings

# The crowds are cheering Long live the King... #

CHEERING Hey!

# I'm the new king

# Sipping apple juice From my chalice

# I'm the new king

# New trampoline park in the palace

# I'm the new king... #

I like it. It's catchy. Yeah, I like it.

# I'm the new king

# They feature us up in the palace

# Oh-oh-oh-oh New king

# Oh-oh-oh New king

-oh

# Oh-oh-oh New king

# More pocket money than Bill Gates

# Indulge In marshmallow milkshakes... #

Look at the cream on his mouth!

# The castle's now home

# Came in on my thro-o-one... #

Oh!

# Have a big feast There's enough sweets to go round

# I'm the new king

# I'm living large I'm living lavish

# I'm the new king They feature us up in the palace

# Oh-oh-oh-oh New king

# Oh-oh-oh New king

-oh

# Oh-oh-oh. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

AMANDA: Loved that!

MUSIC: 'Dancing In The Street' by David Bowie and Mick Jagger

# Calling out around the world

# Are you ready For a brand-new beat? #

Sometimes, when we see these school acts,

no-one's smiling, everyone looks miserable.

This was the opposite. CHEERING

Brilliant, fun, very British - just what we're looking for.

Honestly, I think if King Charles I

was sat up in the box now, he would have absolutely loved it.

CHEERING

I'm saying yes.

I say yes! I'm saying yes!

I really need to think about this...

PERSON: Say yes! No, I need to think about this.

PERSON: Say it!

Throwing pies in each others' faces, eating pizza...

AUDIENCE CALLS OUT

That's exactly the school I would like to be at.

It's four yeses.

CHILDREN SCREAM, CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Yes, yes, yes, yes!

They were good.

How proud of that would you be if it won,

and you put it on the Royal Variety?

Yes. # Around the world

# Now we're dancing

# Dancing in the street Dancing in the street... #

BOYS SCREAMING Oh, we've got a guest!

Here they come! Hello!

ALL: Hello.

You must be BoyCanto. ALL: Yeah!

Shall we get you on stage? Come on, then!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hi, who have we got here?

BoyCanto! Hey!

BRUNO: BoyCanto! CHEERING

And where are you all from?

We're from all around England,

and we're here to promote boys dancing, singing and acting.

Yes! Yes!

CHEERING

Triple threats.

What's your name? I'm Harrison, and I'm 11.

Who's the naughty one?

ALL: Boris. Of course!

I could've guessed that.

How old are you, Boris? Six.

AUDIENCE: Aw! Aw, bless him.

If you won, what would mean more to you -

performing in front of King Charles or winning 250 grand?

King Charles.

Oh, oh. Really?

Simon! Simon, you've got to remember,

it's not all about the money.

LAUGHTER

Erm, I-I... 100% agree. BRUNO: Oh!

Well done, Harrison! Oh!

Whoo!

All right, boys, you've got two minutes

to change your life. Go for it.

Thank you. Come on, boys!

Come on!

CHEERING, WHISTLING

# Whoa-oa-oa

# Never again Will she get the best of me

# Never again Will she take away my freedom

# And we won't forget the day we...

# Fought for the right To be a little bit naughty

# Never again Will we live behind bars

# Never again Now that we know that we are

# Revolting children Living in revolting times

# We sing revolting songs Using revolting rhymes

# We'll be revolting children Till our revolting's done

# And we'll have The Trunchbull bolting

# We're revolting!

# We'll become a screaming horde

# Take out your hockey stick And use it as a sword

# Never again will we be ignored

# we'll find out Where the chalk is stored

# And draw rude pictures On the board

# It's not insulting We're revolting!

# We can S-P-L how we like

# If enough of us are wrong Wrong is right

# Everyone! N-O-R-T-Y?

# Cos we're a little bit naughty!

# You say We ought a stay inside the line

# But if we disobey at the same time

# There is nothing That the Trunchbull can do

# She can take her hammer and S-H-U

# You didn't think You could push us too far

# There's no going back now we R-E-V-O-L-T-I-N... #

Come on! # U-S5-]-N-G, U—S—I—N—G

# we'll be R-E-V-O-L-T-1-N-G

# It is 2-L-8-4-U We R-E-volting!

# We are revolting children Living in revolting times

# We sing revolting songs Whoa-oa-oa

# Using revolting rhymes

# We'll be revolting children Till our revolting's done

# It is 2-L-8-4-U We are revolting! #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

MUSIC: 'Live While We're Young' by One Direction

# Let's go crazy, crazy, crazy Till we see the sun

# I know we only met But let's pretend it's love

# Tonight, let's get some And live while we're young... #

I think all of you are revolting...

LAUGHING ..and that's a good thing.

This was a really, really good audition,

but just be really badly behaved going forward.

SIMON LAUGHS

My daughter's obsessed with Matilda,

and I think children are gonna absolutely love you.

Your passion and energy was fantastic.

Oh, kids, the attitude was spot on. Your energy was spot on.

You're so bad, and I loved it!

CHEERING

I just loved it because you loved it.

Your singing was really, really good.

I'm gonna start this with a yes.

I'm saying yes.

A big yes!

You've got four yeses.

Congratulations. ALL: Yes!

# Let's go crazy, crazy, crazy Till we see the sun

# I know we only met But let's pretend it's love

# And never, never, never Stop for anyone... #

Well done! Well done!

Really nice kids.

ALL: Yeah!

Right, go right up to that camera, and tell them how you feel.

Amazing! DEC LAUGHS

MR BLOBBY: Blobby! What the hell is going on?

Simon, what the hell is wrong with you?

HE SINGS

I'm glad I'm wearing my big knickers tonight.

AMANDA: Bruno was saying today

that you used to have shoulder-length hair.

I did. I wanna see that, I'm gonna Google it.

Oh, please don't. No, no, no. AMANDA LAUGHS

No, no. Not now.

# Now if there's a smile On my face... #

What exactly are you doing for us today?

We wanted to do an act that gives people a bit of everything.

I just love making people laugh.

# Don't let my glad expression... # Blobby!

My wife and I do a comedy act. Oh, nice.

# The tears of a clown... #

DEC: Darren. ANT: Working with Darren.

Comedian. Darren!

Darren. You Darren? Yeah, yeah, you all right?

Yeah, I'm good. Come on, you've gotta come with us now, Darren.

You're on! You're on. How are you?

All right, very nervous. Are you? Yeah.

You got your plunger? I'm always ready.

So, are you a plumber in real life? I actually am a plumber.

You are? Are you?

Yeah, well, I just lost my job at the cat sanctuary. Did you?

Yeah, they reduced me hours. ANT TITTERS

They had. Genuinely? No, that was a joke.

Oh. Tough crowd. Yeah.

Yeah... Didn't get it. I didn't get it.

So, you're doing gags for us? Well, I'm trying to.

And, erm... You wanna do this full time?

You've forgot? Yeah, yeah.

Do you want a moment? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, have a moment.

Have a little moment. Go on. Have a little moment.

What...? Explain it. I don't get it.

They reduced his hours in the cat sanctuary. Yeah.

Oh, Me-ow-ers! Me-ow-ers.

Thanks for clearing that up, Steve.

Markus, the judges are ready for you now. If you'd like to follow me.

OK, thank you.

OK. OK.

Wow! Cos Dec didn't laugh at his joke...

No, I did laugh - in the wrong place.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Looking good, Simon!

How are you? You good? WHOOPING

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE CONTINUES

Hello. Hello.

And what's your name, please?

My name's Markus Birdman. And where you from, Markus?

From Essex. WHOOPING

How old are you, Markus? I'm 52. OK, and what do you do?

I used to be in a band, but from that,

my band mates suggested maybe I should try comedy.

Tell me, what's the WORST gig you've ever done?

HE CHUCKLES The worst gig I've ever done?

I drew... I threw... Er, I... Hmm.

I went all the way to Plymouth and was wearing leather-soled shoes,

ran onto stage.

It was very wet, I slipped straight over into the front, er...

landed with my face in the front row and, er, never really recovered.

You'd think someone would find that funny.

OK. And do you think you can win?

Erm, I'd like to think so, yes. OK, Markus.

WHOOPING Well, good luck.

Thank you very much. Thank you. APPLAUSE

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Erm...

I will start with a joke. Seems like a good idea.

Erm...

Kids are the biggest source of joy you will ever have.

Trouble is, they do tend to ruin

every other source of joy... you ever have.

LAUGHTER

I hear other parents say stuff like, “I'd take a bullet for my child.”

Would you? LAUGHTER

I'd take a bullet for my child, put it in a gun and shoot her.

LAUGHTER

My daughter's now 18, I can't believe it.

She's one of those teenagers that wears tons of make-up,

you know, she makes RuPaul look like a trucker.

The whole pandemic was kicking off, and I did what many people did here,

which was to spend the next two years fairly drunk.

"I need a drink! Well, it's only half five.

"Better wait till six o'clock."

"All right, 5.45, I'm opening the drink.

"Six o'clock, woof! All right, new plan -

"one more at six thirty, another one at seven,

"and then I will get up and make my daughter some breakfast.”

So, a couple of years ago, I had a stroke. That's what happened.

People don't always believe me,

cos I perhaps don't look like a stroke survivor to you,

but what you fail to appreciate is I'm actually 23.

I do a lot of work for the Stroke Association, for obvious reasons.

They asked me to do a benefit gig.

Now, you would think, as a two-time stroke survivor, as I am...

you ought to be able to make jokes about surviving strokes

to other stroke survivors... LAUGHTER

Where's this going?

No! LAUGHTER

At one point, someone stood up and went,

"Stroke victims have feelings, too, mate!"

I went, "I know. But only down half the side of their body, so..."

LAUGHTER

When I was in hospital, I was very heavily sedated,

and, erm, I was wearing, like, one of those hospital gowns.

So your backside is hanging out for some reason. It's hideous!

The "bum cape”, as I liked to call it.

LAUGHTER So there I was, heavily sedated.

I needed to go to the toilet. It was quite late at night.

I parted the bum cape, backed into the toilet, sat down.

So far, so good... were it not for the fact

that there was already a blind naked man sat there.

Now, I don't know if you've ever sat naked on another naked man...

No, never.

What you might expect is the person you just sat on to go, "Get off!"

What happens is the most beautiful middle-class English thing

I think I've ever heard in my life,

he just went, "Oh, I'm sorry, who's that?"

Thank you very much. Thank you.

# I have to praise you

# I have to praise you

# I have to praise you... # Very good! Very good!

Oh, my God. Brilliant.

Markus, honestly... I don't think any of us were expecting that.

LAUGHTER Bruno?

Oh, I love it. You're not afraid to go there.

Your delivery is absolutely spot on.

APPLAUSE Every gag, you hit the jackpot.

# I have to praise you... #

Alesha?

I think what I like about you, your style is quite dry.

I thought every single joke was funny.

The kids thing - I am with you, my friend!

Well done. Thank you. Thank you.

Everything you said tonight on stage, I HOWLED at.

I mean, I'm glad I'm wearing my big knickers tonight,

that's all I'm saying. Well done.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I honestly wasn't expecting this. No, me neither.

You were just brilliant! WHOOPING

And we've never heard jokes like this.

I absolutely love you. That is a yes from me.

WHOOPING CONTINUES

It's an absolute yes from me.

Alesha? It's a yes from me.

Bruno? It's yes from me. I'm still laughing.

# Praise you

# I have to praise you

# I have to praise you... # Thank you, thank you.

Yeah.

Hurray! Oh, I want one of those!

SIMON: My God, that was brilliant. So good.

He was great.

# I have to praise you... #

DEC: Go for it. Good luck, chaps! Have fun.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

ALESHA: Hello. Hiya.

All right? How are you?

Not bad. Yeah, good thanks.

Who do we have here? My name's Duane, he's Ashford.

And the group's called Simon Heart.

Who's Simon? Where's Simon, then?

Simon cos my surname's Simon,

and Heart because the music comes from the heart.

You said he would like it. LAUGHTER

BOTH: Ah!

I thought his name was Heart. It's so confusing!

ALESHA: Do you have a day job, boys? I work in children's homes.

And I'm a security guard. OK.

MUSIC: 'Step On' by Happy Mondays

'Me and Ashford have known each other since we were kids.'

Yeah. We used to live in the same street.

'We've been performing together for 25 years.'

I just love entertaining.

Even when I'm offstage, it's like on stage.

# Gonna stamp out your fire... #

'No-one ever taught us what we could do, we could just do it.'

Yeah.

'Our big dream is Madison Square Garden..." 'Yeah.'

"..London O2 Arena...' 'Yeah.' "..American Super Bowl'

And to perform for the King would be an unbelievable honour.

CHEERING

What's the big dream for you guys?

Obviously, do an act that can...

be performed all around the world for years to come.

All right, the stage is yours.

MICROPHONE FEEDBACK

Arnold... what classic model are you again?

IN TERMINATOR VOICE: I am a T101.

HE BEATBOXES

LAUGHTER

BEATBOXING CONTINUES, PLAYS KEYBOARD

Simon Cowell, I calculate the 83% probability

you will put us through to the next round.

Jason, stop being a crank!

IN JASON STATHAM VOICE: Who're you calling a crank? Jason Statham.

There's only one problem with Britain's Got Talent judges -

you never understand much about what's being said.

It's just judgey. LAUGHTER

But you, Bruno Tonioli,

if you don't put us through to the next round,

I'll come back looking for you.

Optimus, let's roll out.

IN OPTIMUS PRIME VOICE: I am Optimus Prime.

And I am here to entertain.

Alesha, put us through or roll out!

BUZZER SOUNDS

AUDIENCE GASP DEC: What's going on?

I don't know, I don't even know what they do, what they're...

What they're called. ..what they're called.

IN SHAGGY VOICE: # Life is one big party

# When you're still young

# But who's gonna have your back When it's all done

# It's all good when you're little You have pure fun

# Can't be a fool, son What about the long run?

# She was there Through my incarceration

# I wanna show the nation My appreciation... #

IN RAYVON VOICE: # Amanda's my angel

# You're my darling angel... # Now I feel bad.

MIMICS RECORD REWIND, BEATBOXES

Somebody explain what the hell is going on!

BEATBOXING CONTINUES, WHOOPING

# Simon Heart Man's on the climb

# Beating box and spitting bars At the same time

# Simon Heart Forever, won't lie

# BGT reppin', sign out. #

Simon, what the hell is wrong with you?

Push the Golden Buzzer... BOTH: Now!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

So, which one's Simon?

Who was that last one, where you were just doing that dance?

That was our self. LAUGHTER

Duane did well, didn't he? I don't know!

This act was like a little bit of this

and a little bit of that, and we'll throw a bit of that in.

Yeah. I bloody loved it!

LAUGHTER But I would die if...

"King Charles Il1,

"this is what we've got for you for the Royal Variety"!

A bit of British culture.

All right, then, let's take a vote. Oh, it's a yes!

They're gonna put them through! I'm saying yes.

Honestly, they're gonna put them through.

It's a no from me. Oh! Just saying.

AUDIENCE BOOS Simon, what did you think?

It was hits and very big miss... LAUGHTER

However, personality is a big part of this show.

I like both of you. CHEERING

You've got three yesses. Thank you!

What the hell have we just witnessed?!

I can't believe you put them through.

Just two geezers having a go.

Thing is, I've got more voices, you know?

ANT: Do us one. QUACKS HARSHLY

IN MICKEY MOUSE VOICE: Oh, boy! Donald Duck.

Donald Duck. LAUGHTER

Get out!

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too. Well done.

Wicked. BOTH: Oh, my God.

This show will be the death of me.

The main thing for you is just be yourself and enjoy it.

# Don't stop Thinking about tomorrow... #

I just still can't believe I'm here. Yeah, it's gonna be brilliant.

Are you ready to do this? Come with me. Let's go.

Come round, guys. Come round.

How are you, all? Hello.

So, what a day you guys have had.

# Look at me

# You can take it all Because this face is free

# I can even do reality... #

OK, so, into your pose for me, please.

Straight back. Stomach in. Tighten your arse.

Ready, Bruno? Yeah. Cameras turn over for us, please?

BRUNO BREATHES HEAVILY

Look at the lights! They are so cool!

They're mint. Whoa!

ALL: Whoa!

King Charles! Wow!

He looks so real. That's so cool. It's amazing.

That's Zendaya. Yeah, that's Zendaya.

Look, it's David Beckham. Can you play for Man United?

All right, cameras ready. Everyone ready.

The kids are about to come in.

Bruno, are you ready?

Oh, my God. Look who's in here. It's Bruno.

Fabulous, darling. WOMAN LAUGHS

THEY SCREAM

Hello, United 2 Dance! Oh, my God.

Are you real? I am real.

You can touch me. I am not... I am not a robot!

You know why I'm here? Because Olena got in touch with me

to tell me how wonderful

you have been to her and her son as Nazari.

Are you...? Oh, hello, my darling.

How wonderful you've been to them since they came from Ukraine,

helping them, getting you a chance to dance and a chance to shine.

Olena, can you tell me all about it, my darling?

I can't thank United 2 Dance enough

for everything what they done for my family and for my son.

Since we arrived here, they support us,

they sponsored Nazari, they present him clothes for dance.

So, it's like being welcomed a new family.

No words will be enough to say

how we are grateful to United 2 Dance.

They change our life.

OK. Now, here comes a surprise.

Olena has nominated you

to come and audition today for Britain's Got Talent.

CHEERING

Let's go!

ALL: Bruno! Bruno! Bruno! Bruno!

Who's that? LAUGHTER

I love you, too. But this is real love.

And that's real love as well.

LAUGHTER, CHEERING

Happy to see Bruno again? It's all yours.

Go for it. Enjoy.

Have fun. Good luck.

BRUNO CHUCKLES

I think we've met before.

ALL: Yes!

Why don't you tell us all how we met?

We went to this place called Madame Tussauds,

and then we seen Bruno.

We thought he was wax... LAUGHTER

...but he was real.

He told us that we're going on this show.

Well, he was right.

And there's somebody very special here, isn't it?

Why don't you tell us?

Yes, I wanted to tell that I am from Ukraine.

And I come here.

And my mum wanted to make surprise for all of us.

Amazing.

Your mum has made your dreams come true.

And we are going to be dancing.

LAUGHTER

"Let's just bring it back to the business at hand.

"We're gonna be dancing, OK?"

Listen, I can't wait to see you dance.

Are you ready? Yes, we are.

Come on, go for it. Thank you.

They are so cute.

# Sin City's cold and empty

# No-one's around to judge me

# I can't see clearly When you're gone

# And I said, ooh

# 1'm blinded by the lights

# No, I cant sleep Until I feel your touch... #

CHEERING

VOICE-OVER: It's our turn now. Come on, girls. Let's show them.

# Don't think about it Just move your body

# Listen to the music Sing, oh, ey, oh

# Oh, I feel better when I'm dancing Yeah, yeah

# Better when I'm dancing Yeah, yeah... #

Ha-ha-ha!

# Pa-pa-pa da-da La-la-la la-da-da

# La-la-la la-da-da Pa-pa da-da

# I feel better when I'm dancing I'm better when I'm dancing

# Hey, I'm better when I'm

# Yeah, yeah. #

CHEERING

# Just move on up

# Toward your destination

# Though you may find... #

Standing ovation! Have a look, have a look.

BRUNO: Oh, I'm so proud of you. So proud of you.

So precise, so clean.

So strong.

And actually, Nazari, I think your mum is here today.

You should be proud! You should be proud!

She is proud of them. Very proud.

ALESHA: I mean, you were slick.

You were so in sync and together and polished.

Honestly, one of the best acts we've had like this

in a very long time.

Well done. CHEERING

AMANDA: I completely agree.

It just felt like you got a really good mix of your age and the fun,

and all of that came out on stage.

And I can see as well that you feel like a family on stage.

It's amazing.

This was a brilliant audition.

I mean, you put a lot of people,

who are much older than you doing this, to shame, seriously.

This was incredible.

So, can I be the first, please, to say...

yes.

Amanda? It's a yes from me.

That's two. Alesha?

I love you. It's a yes from me.

And now we have Madame Tussauds. LAUGHTER

Yes! Yes.

# Just move on up

# And keep on wishing

# Remember your dream Is your only scheme

# So keep on pushing... #

They're amazing! Amazing.

How did that feel out there? ALL: Really fun!

How are you gonna celebrate?

A party. OK, are you going to organise a party?

Yes! Is that cool?

Go and have a party! Thanks very much. Well done.

Thank you, well done. Bye!

Have you done anything like this before?

HE GROANS

Hi, I'm Travis George, I'm 22, and I'm from South Wales.

# 1've got my best suit on And I'm ready... #

I live with my mother and our lovely cat Seren.

How are you feeling about today? Yeah, Mum?

I've cried three times already. SHE CHUCKLES

Being here at Britain's Got Talent, to him, it's a momentous occasion.

This is completely out of anything I've ever attempted.

Today, when I'm standing in the wings,

watching my son on that stage,

I am going to be the proudest mother.

I will be delighted if he does get the yes, yes, yes, yes.

Without her constant encouragement and love and care,

I wouldn't, really, have been able to accomplish anything.

# You're gonna see me rise... #

CHEERING

He's not had it easy,

and I just think he deserves a break.

He deserves something really good to happen.

And I'm really hoping it will.

Welcome, and what's your name, please?

I am...

Er, my name's Travis George, I'm 22,

and, erm...

and I'm here from South Wales.

And what brought you on the show this year?

I believe that Britain's Got Talent is the greatest opportunity

for any person who wants to try and achieve their dream in the UK.

I...

I love singing, that's always been the dream.

What is your dream?

What kind of singer are you? Where would you like to be?

I mean, tell me.

Erm...

... HE STUTTERS

I...

OK, Travis, so...

big day.

Come on, boy. APPLAUSE

Come on, boy!

CHEERING

All right, Travis, best of luck. We do hope this goes well.

Good luck.

SONG: 'Stars' from Les Miserables

# There

# Out in the darkness

# A fugitive running

# Fallen from God

# With order and light

# You are the sentinels

# Silent and sure

# Keeping watch in the night

# Keeping watch in the night

# You know your place in the sky

# You hold your course and your aim

# And each in your season Returns and returns

# And is always the same

# And if you fall as Lucifer fell

# You fall in flame

# And so it must be

# For so it is written

# On the doorway to paradise

# That those who falter And those who fall

# Must pay the price

# Lord, let me find him

# That I may see him

# Safe behind bars

# I will never rest

# Till then

# This I swear

by

# The stars. #

HOLDS NOTE

# If I lay here

# If I just lay here

# Would you live with me And just forget the world... #

CHEERING, APPLAUSE

Get in!

# All that I ever was

# Is here in your perfect eyes

# They're all I can see... # Look at that!

He's good, isn't he?

Yeah, he's good. Come here.

Well, you weren't messing around, were you? Erm... Bruno?

Talk about going for it!

I tell you, you could walk into

a West End show or a Broadway show tomorrow.

Very, very difficult song,

sung better than most people I've heard it sung.

CHEERING

I've seen Les Mis countless times,

and you just knocked it out of the park.

Flawless.

ALESHA: You are adorable.

You are so sweet, and you don't realise how great you are.

I'm really, really happy for you that you had this moment.

Thank you.

Travis, I mean, it was obviously an amazing audition.

I mean, literally, that's what I call selling a song.

This was an audition we're gonna remember, Travis.

Bruno?

Yes.

Alesha? It's a yes from me.

Amanda? 100% yes from me.

What do you think? CROWD: Yes!

That's about 4,000 yeses.

# All that I ever was

# Is here in your perfect eyes

# They're all I can see... #

He's so nice.

# I don't know where

# Confused about how as well... #

Great voice.

How did that...? No! Stay, stay, stay, stay.

There are no words, guys. ... 1-1-I feel reborn.

Put it on my gravestone guys. Aw!

It's something to remember, really. Well, you've gotta believe it now.

Travis, lovely to meet you. You've got to be very proud.

Very nice to meet you.

You can breathe now.

THEY EXHALE DEEPLY Well done!

Bye, Simon, love you! Bye.

# I can make you feel good

# I can make you feel good... #

Excited to meet the judges.

Me too. I hope Simon's in a good mood.

Here we go.

APPLAUSE

Hello. Hello.

Who are you? My name is Bennet Kavanagh.

Is whatever you're gonna do how you make a living?

No, so I make a living as a music teacher at the minute.

Hopefully... Hopefully this will take over,

and I can earn a career from that.

Fantastic. Good luck.

Thank you very much. Thank you.

So, not only am I a comedian, I'm a musical comedian.

Cheer if you're a fan of guitar.

CHEERING Yeah.

Well, that's a real shame.

So, I'm able to get on with what I can do

with a lot of... HITS KEYS

...grace and dignity... BUZZER SOUNDS

So I hope I achieve that tonight.

BUZZER SOUNDS

Here's the first song.

# I got into an Uber

# But it was not for me

# And I was too awkward to get out

# So now I live in Leeds... #

BUZZER SOUNDS Thank you.

I should explain, Amanda, erm, Uber...

It's like a chauffeur you get from your phone.

LAUGHTER

Just for...

I'm enjoying this now.

This next song is called An Episode Of Medieval Top Gear.

PLAYS TOP GEAR THEME

# Hey, what's the horsepower On that thing?

# One... # LAUGHTER

Simon loves it!

# I knew a girl Who had a smoking habit

# And that's why she was A terrible nun. #

LAUGHTER

Oh, my God, Simon finds this funny. Now we're in trouble.

Thank you very much. Thank you.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

MUSIC: 'Happy" by Pharrell Williams

Oh, Bennett, you've made somebody very happy.

Actually, it was funny.

Thank you. No, really.

I actually don't find comedians that funny, but you made me laugh.

Thank you very much.

# Because I'm happy... # # Clap along if you feel... #

CHOIR: # Bring me down

# Can't nothing

# Bring me down

# My level's too high

# Bring me down

# Can't nothing... #

Made me feel good, and that's what choirs should do.

It's four yeses.

CHEERING

# Clap along if you feel... #

How are you doing? CHEERING

Happy, happy, happy.

ALESHA: I love when Simon's in this mood.

# Like happiness is a truth

# Happy, happy, happy... #

MUSIC SLOWS THEN ENDS

Blobby, blobby, blobby.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Yeah, I actually hate Mr Blobby.

AMANDA: And it was all going so well.

Mwah, mwah!

Hello. We know who you are.

Blobby.

Blobby. Blobby.

LAUGHTER

CHUCKLES Blobby, blobby.

All right, whatever. Right, why are you here?

MUMBLING

Ta-da-da da-da-da da!

Ha.

Mr Blobby's Magic Show. Oh, yeah.

OK, right. No more questions. Good luck.

BLOBBY MUMBLES

Oh, no.

Ha-ha! Here we go.

Oh! Oh!

DEC LAUGHS Are you OK?

BRUNO: Mr Blobby's going to hospital.

Blobby, Blobby, Blobby.

'Manda. Yes?

Blobby, Blobby, Blobby. Pick a card, he's saying.

Any card. OK, I'll take that one.

Yeah. Yeah?

Blobby.

Look at it, yes.

Ace of spades.

No.

AUDIENCE: Aw!

BRUNO: Oh!

LAUGHTER

CHUCKLES whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo!

Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo!

Nice to meet you.

MUSIC: 'Main Title From Edward Scissorhands' by Danny Elf man

Blob, Blob-Blob Blob, Blob-Blob.

SIMON: Just awful.

MUSIC DIES Ah!

BUZZER SOUNDS

He buzzed himself?

BLOBBY CHUCKLES Simon, Simon!

Come with me.

Where? Blobby, Blobby.

Go on, go on, get him up! Get him up!

CHEERING AND LAUGHTER

MUSIC: 'In The Hall Of The Mountain King' by Grieg.

MAN: Oh, no. He's going.

For any younger viewers who don't know who Mr Blobby is, he is...

TV royalty. TV royalty.

Ha! LAUGHTER

What's this?

Blobby.

What would you like me to do? Da-da da-da-da da!

Blobby!

CHEERING

Yes! Get him in there, Blobby! Disappearing box.

OK.

AMANDA: He's gonna make Simon disappear?

BLOBBY: Yeah.

Blobby.

Can you go in there?

Blobby, Blobby... AUDIENCE: Simon, Simon, Simon...

AUDIENCE CHANT

whoa!

Blobby, Blobby.

Bye, Simon. Love you!

AMANDA: Bye, darling!

Bye.

All right. Yeah? Blob. Blob, Blobby.

Now, let's all just sneak out. Yeah. Let's go home.

THUMPS BOX

LAUGHTER

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

AUDIENCE CLAPPING

Oh.

AUDIENCE: Oh!

Oh, boo! He's still there.

AMANDA LAUGHS

OK, one Blobby. AMANDA LAUGHS

Blob-Blob-Blob-Blob, Blob-Blob.

Blob-Blob-Blob-Blob, Blob-Blob.

MUSIC INTENSIFIES

Blobby!

Oh! Blob, Blob.

MUSIC REACHES FINALE Blobby.

ALARM SOUNDS, MUSIC ENDS

MUSIC: 'Dies Irae' by Verdi

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Oh! Oh!

Oh, my God!

CHEERING AND LAUGHTER

Don't touch me.

Good. Don't go near me.

Oh, my God!

LAUGHTER

Blobby, Blobby, Blobby, Blobby, Blobby!

Oh, my God!

DEC: Simon! Simon!

Be careful, it's slippery.

Oh, my God! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Did you know this was gonna happen? Oh, my God, no!

BUZZER SOUNDS

BUZZER SOUNDS

BUZZER SOUNDS

AUDIENCE JEER AND BOO, MUSIC ENDS

Boo? Boo?!

Boo you.

LAUGHTER

You still look really handsome.

CHEERING

MUSIC: 'Woo Hoo' by The 5.6.7.8's

who'd like a cuddle?

SCREAMING

Has he gone yet? He's gone. He's not, he's back.

Blobby, Blobby, Blobby! LAUGHTER

AMANDA: I've got no shoes on!

Blobby, Blobby, Blobby!

Ah! Who would like...? AMANDA SHRIEKS

Oh, Blobby!

Oh, dear.

How did you get away with that? Eh? I hid.

Who'd like a cuddle? Argh!

MUSIC CONTINUES

ANT: Yes!

We all wanted Dec done, didn't we? Yes, we did!

No!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Come on. Come on.

Oh, no! No! Blobby, Blobby, Blobby!

SCREAMING AND LAUGHTER

MUSIC: "(I've Had) The Time Of My Life' by Medley and Warnes

AUDIENCE: Blobby, Blobby, Blobby...

Oh, my God.

Bloody hell.

AUDIENCE SHOUTING

# I've had the time of my life... #

I love it. It's all chaos.

I love it!

Shall we go and shower? Together?

Why not? Why not?!

Blobby. Blobby!

Is that really him doing that? No way.

What?

That is talent.

# Oh, I wanna dance with somebody

# I wanna feel the heat With somebody

# Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody

# With somebody who loves me... #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# Hey, yeah... #

HE TRILLS # I wanna dance... #

Yo, what's up?

MUSIC: 'I Lived' by OneRepublic

My name is MB14. My real name is Mohamed.

I'm 28, and I'm a singer from France.

PHONE CHIMES Sorry.

PRODUCER: Oh, no, all right...

Erm... Sorry.

Da-da-da-da. OK. CLEARS THROAT

# |

did it all... #

I started singing when I was a teenager.

I remember in class, we had some choir lessons sometimes,

we used to sing.

I got into performing when I was in high school.

I tried a drama class,

and the first time I stepped on that stage,

I felt something really special,

and I understood that that's where I was supposed to be.

The ultimate dream would be... Yeah, to perform in the whole world.

Yeah. Yeah. And, er... be a musician.

I'm here because I remember when I was a teenager,

I would spend hours and hours and days on YouTube.

I used to watch the judges.

I have watched a lot of performances,

so I really want to convince them that I have my place here, you know?

That I deserve to be here.

HE TRILLS

Today means a lot.

It's something that I've been waiting for a long time.

If I can have, like, four yeses, it would be the perfect scenario.

We'll see. Finger crossed. HE CHUCKLES

Hello there. How are you? Hey. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you. What's your name? My name is MB14.

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too.

MB14? Yeah, MB14.

Those are my initials and my favourite number.

Ah. Ah, OK.

And where are you from? I'm from France.

Ah! Welcome. Thank you.

Bonjour. Bonjour! THEY LAUGH

Croissant, baguette.

Oh, we like you. We like you a lot.

Me too. Come on, let's get you on stage.

They're ready. Yeah, he doesn't care about you.

# I swear I lived... #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE # Oh, whoa-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh

# Oh, whoa-oh-oh. #

Yeah. He's got great hair.

Hello, hello, hello.

Hello.

Oh, yes. Hello, too.

LAUGHTER

Tell me all about you. I want to know everything.

My name is MB14, and I'm French.

CHEERING Oh, c'est tres bien.

And what made you come to this show in Britain,

Britain's Got Talent? The train. Eurostar.

LAUGHTER

It's been a long time that I've been watching BGT, you know?

And I remember when I started watching that show,

I felt a lot of inspiration, and I said to myself,

"Maybe one day, I'll be on that stage,” so...

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Well, here you are.

So, er, what is your act based on?

Basically, all you're about to hear is made with my voice,

so I hope you like it. CHEERING

Show us what you've got!

Thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

CONSTANT NOTE PLAYS

IMITATES WIND INSTRUMENT

IMITATES SITAR

AUDIENCE EXCLAIM

No way.

That's... Is that his mouth? Yeah.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Is that really him doing that?

IMITATES SITAR

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

SINGS SOPRANO

What?

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

SINGS SOPRANO

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

BEATBOXES

Is that still him?

CHEERING Yes! Go!

BEATBOXING CONTINUES

VOCALISES

CHANTS IN HARMONY

IMITATES SITAR

SITAR MELODY REPEATS

BEATBOXES

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

That's brilliant.

BEATBOXES BASS

ALL SOUNDS PLAY, CHEERING

SOUNDS WIND DOWN

BEATBOXES, IMITATES RECORD SCRATCH

# Yeah

# BGT... #

whoo! # BGT

# Yeah... #

BEATBOXING CONTINUES, IMITATES SITAR

CHEERING

That is talent.

CHANTS IN TENOR

CHANTS IN HARMONY

BEATBOXING, CHANTS IN HARMONY

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

IMITATES SITAR

SINGS SOPRANO

SINGS FALSETTO

Yes! Oh, what?

Wonderful! That was wonderful.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

MUSIC: 'Celestial' by Ed Sheeran

# You make me feel

# Like my troubled heart

# Is a million miles away... #

Oh, we like him. We like him a LOT.

# Celestial

# Oh... #

That is really good.

Really good, innit? Really good.

# We were made to be

# Nothin' more than this

# Finding magic... # AUDIENCE CHANT

It's really good. Yeah, it is.

# That's what really matters

# Let's make tonight go... #

well, well, well! # You make me feel... #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE # We were made to be

# Nothin' more than this

# Finding magic In all the smallest things

# You make me feel

# The way we notice That's what really matters

# Let's make tonight... # Ready?

Ready? Ready?!

# You make me feel

ACOUSTIC: # Like my troubled heart

# Is a million miles away

# You make me feel... #

ORIGINAL: # Like I'm drunk on stars

# And we're dancing out into space

# Celestial

# Oh-oh

-oh-oh

# Celestial... #

ANT: Yes! We love him!

We love him! # Celestial... #

Ah! # We were made to be

# Nothin' more than this

# Finding magic... #

Well done. Well done. Thank you so much.

That was brilliant, man. I loved everything about that.

You're welcome. You're welcome.

That was amazing. So good!

# Celestial... #

Take a bow! Take a bow. Take a bow.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I'm so happy for him.

Yeah, we like him.

He's great! He's amazing.

Literally, I was hypnotised by your music.

That is the power of music, that it gets you

and it makes you wanna dance.

It makes you happy. You did a fantastic job. Alesha.

You are absolutely phenomenal.

We've never had anyone like you on the show.

The fact that you've got nice hair...

No-one cares about that, do they?

I care! LAUGHTER

You are phenomenal, my friend. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It just felt cool, it felt now.

We've seen nothing like it. It was fantastic.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I don't know where you've been.

I have been in France. LAUGHTER

Seriously, we... Doesn't matter where you're from,

we should have heard of you by now because this was phenomenal.

I mean, seriously phenomenal. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Yes! Yes!

INDISTINCT, LAUGHTER

They were like greyhounds out of a trap.

We didn't even have a chance to say anything!

Anyway, it's so well-deserved. Thank you so much.

It's one of the great, great, great auditions

you will never, ever forget.

# You make me feel

# Like I'm drunk on stars

# And we're dancing out into space

# Celestial

# Oh-oh

-oh-oh

# Celestial... #

Amazing.

Amazing.

Oh, no, no, merci to you.

SIMON: Er, this is amazing.

Absolutely amazing.

First, I didn't think that they would like it so much,

and second, what a surprise you did to me today.

Aw... I really didn't expect the Golden Buzzer.

It's... Wow, wow, wow...

Well done. Thank you. You're welcome. You're very welcome.

Thank you for your support. Congratulations...

I'm really happy to be part of this adventure with you guys.

Aw. Thank you. Thank you for coming. It's an honour.

See you in the live semi-finals.

# Celestial. #

# Wop bop a loo bop a lop bom bom

# Tutti frutti... # That was incredible.

# Tutti frutti... # A dazzling firework of talent!

# Tutti frutti... # Absolutely amazing.

# Tutti frutti... # HE VOCALISES

Ah! That's what we needed!

No, you can't touch, Simon!

THUD, MUSIC WINDS DOWN

# A wop bop a loo bop... # I've gotta do it!

AMANDA: Why did you do it?!

You are in big trouble.

You only get one!

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