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1
00:00:01,735 --> 00:00:03,335
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
2
00:00:23,958 --> 00:00:25,790
Hey, I'm home from
the honeymoon,
3
00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:28,127
and I want
some salami.
4
00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:29,661
Hi, there,
married girl.
5
00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:30,962
Hello.
6
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,830
Wait a minute.
Where's the salami?
7
00:00:32,899 --> 00:00:34,666
Topanga, I'm home
from the honeymoon.
8
00:00:34,734 --> 00:00:36,334
Where's the honeymoon
welcome salami?
9
00:00:36,403 --> 00:00:38,003
We are moving in here.
10
00:00:38,072 --> 00:00:39,704
He said,
"moving in."
11
00:00:39,773 --> 00:00:41,306
I am equally troubled.
12
00:00:42,443 --> 00:00:43,875
What does he mean
by, "moving in"?
13
00:00:44,678 --> 00:00:46,011
Cory?
14
00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:48,080
I mean, a man moves
into his new house,
15
00:00:48,148 --> 00:00:51,149
he expects to find
a nice deli spread.
16
00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:53,318
Cory, we'll go grocery
shopping together.
It'll be fun.
17
00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:55,788
You know what I
like to do at
the grocery store?
18
00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:58,390
Ring the butcher bell
and then run away.
19
00:00:58,459 --> 00:00:59,458
(CHUCKLES)
20
00:01:00,260 --> 00:01:01,693
Girls, I'll tell you,
21
00:01:01,761 --> 00:01:03,761
there is nothing funnier
than an angry butcher.
22
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,534
Where's the magazine?
I gotta do my business.
23
00:01:08,602 --> 00:01:09,601
Cory!
24
00:01:10,170 --> 00:01:11,170
Isn't he cute?
25
00:01:11,238 --> 00:01:13,205
He thinks he's living here?
26
00:01:13,273 --> 00:01:16,040
Of course he is.
Where else would
he be living, silly?
27
00:01:16,110 --> 00:01:17,309
Oh, Topanga,
28
00:01:17,377 --> 00:01:19,744
you said after you
got married, you'd be
moving out.
29
00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:20,979
We will be...
30
00:01:21,048 --> 00:01:22,047
Eventually.
31
00:01:22,883 --> 00:01:24,382
Oh, boy.
32
00:01:24,451 --> 00:01:25,817
Why did she say,
"oh, boy"?
33
00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:26,885
Oh, boy.
34
00:01:26,954 --> 00:01:28,420
Why did she say,
"oh, boy"?
35
00:01:28,488 --> 00:01:30,355
Hey, Angela,
I tried your
body wash.
36
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:31,623
I smell like peaches.
37
00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:33,659
(SNIFFS)
38
00:01:33,727 --> 00:01:35,193
You do.
You really do.
39
00:01:35,863 --> 00:01:37,595
Hey, guys, listen,
40
00:01:37,664 --> 00:01:39,497
Topanga, I packed up
all the stuff from
your room,
41
00:01:39,566 --> 00:01:40,799
and I put it
right there.
42
00:01:41,868 --> 00:01:43,768
Why would you do that?
43
00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:45,903
'Cause it was in the way
when I moved into the room.
44
00:01:48,142 --> 00:01:50,976
Why would you
move into the room?
45
00:01:51,045 --> 00:01:53,778
Because I live here now,
and you don't.
46
00:01:55,382 --> 00:01:57,982
Right?
Oh, I get it.
47
00:01:58,051 --> 00:02:00,151
They think we don't
live here anymore.
48
00:02:00,220 --> 00:02:01,720
That's why
there's no salami!
49
00:02:03,724 --> 00:02:06,024
You moved into my room!
50
00:02:06,093 --> 00:02:09,495
All right, Topanga,
calm down. Calm down, okay.
51
00:02:09,563 --> 00:02:11,463
We're gonna find you
a place to live.
52
00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:14,399
You don't live
here either.
53
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:18,636
Honeymoon's over.
54
00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:25,310
We probably should
have gotten a place
before we left.
55
00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:27,145
It's not like we
had a lot of time
56
00:02:27,214 --> 00:02:28,947
I mean, between
getting married,
getting arrested,
57
00:02:29,016 --> 00:02:30,615
and then going on
our honeymoon.
58
00:02:30,683 --> 00:02:31,850
You know what?
This will be
better anyway.
59
00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:33,118
At least we have your
old dorm room to ourselves.
60
00:02:33,186 --> 00:02:34,319
You're right.
61
00:02:36,289 --> 00:02:37,789
No! All wrong!
62
00:02:37,858 --> 00:02:39,424
What's your problem?
This is my room.
63
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:40,492
Nope.
No. All wrong, screwy.
64
00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:42,394
Here, show him
how it's gonna be.
65
00:02:42,462 --> 00:02:44,095
Right here.
University bylaws forbid
any married couple
66
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,898
from living in a dorm other
than the one designated
for married couples.
67
00:02:47,934 --> 00:02:49,334
Maybe we don't have
to tell anybody.
68
00:02:49,402 --> 00:02:50,668
Oh, maybe he's right.
69
00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:51,736
Yeah, maybe we don't
have to tell anybody.
70
00:02:51,805 --> 00:02:52,871
Too late.
We did.
71
00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:54,472
We sent a copy
of your marriage
certificate...
72
00:02:54,541 --> 00:02:55,774
...to the office
of the university
president.
73
00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:57,409
Now they can't live
here anymore.
Show him again.
74
00:02:57,478 --> 00:02:58,710
Right there.
Show him again. Put it
up there. See that? See?
75
00:02:58,779 --> 00:03:00,279
How could you
do this to us?
76
00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:02,881
Hi, Jack.
Hi, Professor Matthews.
77
00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:04,982
Hi, new neighbors.
78
00:03:07,254 --> 00:03:10,021
Would you lovely ladies
like to take that tour
of the coed bathroom now?
79
00:03:10,090 --> 00:03:11,723
Yeah, I could
use a shower.
80
00:03:11,791 --> 00:03:12,790
Couldn't we all.
81
00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:14,659
Look, dirt!
82
00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:16,261
See, there's
three of them.
83
00:03:16,330 --> 00:03:18,697
It's one, two and three.
84
00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:20,465
You know, frankly,
I love to count them.
85
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,868
So if you'll excuse me.
86
00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:24,569
And you know what?
You guys just can't
live here anymore.
87
00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:26,371
So go on, get out!
88
00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:28,573
How could you do such
a horrible thing to
your own brother?
89
00:03:28,642 --> 00:03:32,644
Believe me, Topanga,
it was the right move.
90
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:36,181
Well, we are running
out of options here,
my husband and provider.
91
00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:38,916
Oh, now I'm the provider.
92
00:03:38,985 --> 00:03:40,852
Topanga, what happened
to equality?
93
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:42,554
What happened
to partnership?
94
00:03:42,623 --> 00:03:44,422
Get me a place to live!
95
00:03:44,491 --> 00:03:45,523
Yes, mommy.
96
00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:47,258
Hmm.
97
00:03:47,327 --> 00:03:48,993
Mommy.
98
00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:51,596
No.
I wasn't talking to you.
I was talking to my mommy.
99
00:03:54,101 --> 00:03:57,302
It would only be
until they got on
their feet.
100
00:03:57,371 --> 00:03:58,737
No.
101
00:03:58,805 --> 00:04:00,538
What do you mean, "no"?
Dad, I'm your son.
102
00:04:00,607 --> 00:04:02,140
You don't tell
your son "no."
103
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:04,576
No!
104
00:04:05,145 --> 00:04:06,144
Alan.
105
00:04:06,213 --> 00:04:07,579
That's it!
We're moving in!
106
00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:09,714
You're lucky I
even asked you!
107
00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:13,318
Cory, don't make me
beat you up in front
of your wife.
108
00:04:13,386 --> 00:04:16,854
Why didn't you give
any thought to where
you were gonna live?
109
00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:20,492
I was a little busy
thinking about the wedding
and the honeymoon.
110
00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:23,794
Besides, it's not like
I've done this before, Mom.
111
00:04:23,863 --> 00:04:25,597
Well, you're gonna
have to do it now.
112
00:04:25,666 --> 00:04:27,666
I never asked to
be the man in this
relationship!
113
00:04:30,036 --> 00:04:31,202
Maybe we should go.
114
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:32,604
Go where?
115
00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:35,307
Where do you go
if you don't have
your parents?
116
00:04:35,375 --> 00:04:37,609
At least let them stay
for a couple of days.
117
00:04:37,678 --> 00:04:39,044
Amy, don't...
118
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:41,779
Don't you put your
finger out at me,
119
00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:43,514
and don't you
tell me "don't"!
120
00:04:45,886 --> 00:04:47,685
Mom's revved up.
Go get the luggage.
121
00:04:49,089 --> 00:04:50,856
These are my children, too.
122
00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:53,525
And if I want them
to stay here, they
can stay here.
123
00:04:53,593 --> 00:04:57,696
Amy, they can't stay here.
They're married now.
124
00:04:57,764 --> 00:05:01,032
It's Cory and Topanga,
not Cory and us.
125
00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:02,801
Remember?
126
00:05:04,404 --> 00:05:05,403
Mom?
127
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,606
Mom, it's me.
128
00:05:09,509 --> 00:05:10,642
It's Cory.
129
00:05:11,544 --> 00:05:13,812
You used to
wipe my tushy.
130
00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:16,581
Oh, you loved that.
Remember?
131
00:05:18,418 --> 00:05:19,850
Ma?
132
00:05:19,919 --> 00:05:21,553
You can't stay here, Cory.
133
00:05:23,856 --> 00:05:24,855
I'm sorry.
134
00:05:28,395 --> 00:05:29,594
I'm tellin' grandma!
135
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:37,168
I'm sorry.
136
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:39,838
I know.
137
00:05:47,614 --> 00:05:50,615
My father's a jerk!
I have a jerk for a father!
138
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:52,651
I'm sure he has
a very good reason
for not...
139
00:05:52,719 --> 00:05:54,019
For abandoning us?
140
00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:55,320
We don't need them.
We don't?
141
00:05:55,388 --> 00:05:57,255
No. We need us.
142
00:05:57,324 --> 00:06:00,125
We need to stand on
our own feet and
figure out our situation.
143
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:01,726
Okay, I've already
figured it out.
144
00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:04,395
We're upper middle class
homeless college students.
145
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:08,433
There's a very small
pity factor here.
146
00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:10,469
I wouldn't feel
sorry for us
if it wasn't us!
147
00:06:11,938 --> 00:06:13,504
We should figure out
how much money we have.
148
00:06:13,573 --> 00:06:16,141
Well, if you take
what we got from
our wedding
149
00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:18,143
and subtract
what we spent on
our honeymoon,
150
00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:19,877
we've got about
seven blenders.
151
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:23,782
It would be nice to have
a kitchen to put them in.
152
00:06:23,850 --> 00:06:25,316
Stop pressuring me!
153
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:26,985
Cory, we have to
live somewhere!
154
00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:28,486
"Ooh, I want a roof
over my head!"
155
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:29,954
"I want a roof
over my head!"
156
00:06:30,690 --> 00:06:31,689
Baby!
157
00:06:32,759 --> 00:06:33,758
Hey, guys!
158
00:06:33,826 --> 00:06:36,127
Well, hello,
Shawn and Angela.
159
00:06:36,196 --> 00:06:38,029
Well rested?
160
00:06:38,098 --> 00:06:39,931
Well, we have
very good news
for you.
161
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,500
Mike and Debbie
Faferman had a fight.
162
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:44,435
He criticized her salad,
so she shot him.
163
00:06:45,672 --> 00:06:47,338
Why is this good news?
164
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,508
Because she's
gonna do time,
165
00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:52,076
and the dorm's
gonna be available.
166
00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:54,178
And those married dorms
have gotta be great.
167
00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:57,782
You know how
married people live,
sophisticated, very posh.
168
00:06:57,851 --> 00:07:00,552
Ah, you hear that,
Topanga? Posh.
169
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:06,591
WOMAN: I got a midterm
In physiology tomorrow!
Make your own dinner!
170
00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:09,627
MAN: I'll make you a deal,
I'll cook dinner,
you stop talking!
171
00:07:09,696 --> 00:07:10,762
(BABY CRYING)
172
00:07:10,831 --> 00:07:13,398
Please, stop crying.
Please, stop crying!
173
00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:17,135
(HAIR DRYER BLOWING LOUDLY)
174
00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:19,470
MAN: Shut the door if
you're gonna do that!
175
00:07:19,539 --> 00:07:20,972
(DOOR SLAMS)
176
00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:22,974
That's it, break it!
177
00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:25,310
It sounds like we have
very colorful neighbors.
178
00:07:25,379 --> 00:07:26,444
Oh, look,
179
00:07:26,513 --> 00:07:28,380
a cute little boy.
180
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,215
Hey, there,
little fella.
181
00:07:30,284 --> 00:07:31,950
I see dead people.
182
00:07:32,752 --> 00:07:33,852
That's nice.
183
00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:34,919
Let's get outta here!
184
00:07:34,988 --> 00:07:36,921
No, this is us. 236.
185
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:39,124
This is gonna be our home
for the next three years.
186
00:07:51,405 --> 00:07:52,404
It's nice.
187
00:08:01,748 --> 00:08:04,983
Okay, so it needs
a little work.
188
00:08:05,051 --> 00:08:07,085
You know what I think
we should do here?
189
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:09,988
I think we should think
about the worst moment
in our lives,
190
00:08:10,056 --> 00:08:12,523
and it'll only make us
feel better about this one.
191
00:08:20,466 --> 00:08:22,467
It's this, isn't it?
Yeah, it is.
192
00:08:22,536 --> 00:08:24,669
But things are never
as bad as they seem, Cory.
193
00:08:24,738 --> 00:08:28,239
You're right, Topanga.
Everything's terrific.
It's just fabulous.
194
00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:30,909
CORY: I hate my parents,
and we live in a crack house!
195
00:08:33,980 --> 00:08:35,814
But why don't
we find the good,
Topanga?
196
00:08:35,882 --> 00:08:38,883
Let's find the good
'cause I don't know
where it is.
197
00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:40,785
Is it underneath
that pizza box?
198
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:43,187
I don't know.
It could be.
199
00:08:43,256 --> 00:08:45,190
No, that's where
the vermin is hiding.
200
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:47,625
Cory, you're
such a baby.
No.
201
00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:48,693
(STOMPS)
202
00:08:48,761 --> 00:08:50,094
Nope, it's
still alive.
203
00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:51,796
(STOMPS)
No, it's
still alive,
204
00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:54,098
and here come his drunken
cousins from Louisiana.
205
00:08:54,167 --> 00:08:55,200
Get 'em!
206
00:08:55,268 --> 00:08:57,802
No, now they're up,
and they're angry.
207
00:08:58,438 --> 00:08:59,870
Get 'em,
Topanga!
208
00:08:59,939 --> 00:09:01,005
Step harder,
on that one.
209
00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:02,073
Ow!
210
00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:08,880
Hi.
Hi. We were, uh...
211
00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:10,982
Doing the dance
of our people.
212
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,284
Hi, I'm Kelly Aragon,
213
00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:16,888
and this is Samantha,
who doesn't sleep, ever.
214
00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:19,357
We're your neighbors.
Welcome to the dorm.
215
00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:20,725
Nice to meet you,
Kelly.
216
00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:22,661
She is so cute.
Can I hold her?
217
00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:23,728
Yeah.
218
00:09:27,768 --> 00:09:28,766
Ohh!
219
00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:30,234
No.
220
00:09:30,971 --> 00:09:33,571
Put it back.
221
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:37,875
Well, she'd be a lot cuter
if she would just sleep
for, like, a minute.
222
00:09:37,944 --> 00:09:40,378
I mean, other babies
sleep, right?
223
00:09:40,447 --> 00:09:43,180
Oh, I don't think
I can stay awake
much longer.
224
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:45,683
Uh, just out of
curiosity, Kelly,
225
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:47,952
the bed where your baby
doesn't sleep all night,
226
00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:51,856
that's not located
behind these paper-thin
walls, is it?
227
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:54,592
Because the only crying
I want to hear is my own.
228
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:56,260
Cory!
229
00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:58,295
It's all right.
At least he's here.
230
00:09:58,365 --> 00:10:01,232
My husband's a med student,
and they never come home.
231
00:10:02,802 --> 00:10:04,368
You two are
newlyweds,
aren't you?
232
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:05,770
Yeah, we are.
233
00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:06,904
Good luck.
234
00:10:06,974 --> 00:10:08,473
Thanks.
Thanks.
235
00:10:11,577 --> 00:10:16,114
Okay, let's just look at this
as a true test of character.
236
00:10:16,183 --> 00:10:17,615
Now, we can either
run from this,
237
00:10:17,684 --> 00:10:19,217
or we can be
stronger than this.
238
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:23,154
Good luck.
239
00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:29,126
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY )
I wasn't really gonna run.
240
00:10:29,195 --> 00:10:30,528
I, uh...
241
00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:35,833
This is for you.
242
00:10:38,939 --> 00:10:43,274
And as the black plague
worked its way through
Europe,
243
00:10:43,342 --> 00:10:47,812
the streets were littered
with maggot-infested,
rotting corpses
244
00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:49,714
of the dying and the dead.
245
00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:55,419
He's talking about us.
246
00:10:58,058 --> 00:11:00,024
Uh, yes, Mrs. Matthews.
247
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:01,459
Could I have a bath?
248
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:06,564
Please reserve your
personal matters for
after class.
249
00:11:07,767 --> 00:11:09,433
But our water's brown.
250
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:10,568
Mrs. Matthews...
251
00:11:10,637 --> 00:11:12,036
And you have
to chew it.
252
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:17,909
You know, I rarely do this,
but I'm going to dismiss
the class on account of,
253
00:11:17,978 --> 00:11:19,644
well, pathetic.
254
00:11:24,651 --> 00:11:28,353
You know, you got a
big house, Feeny,
and no children.
255
00:11:28,922 --> 00:11:30,788
Mrs. Matthews...
256
00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:31,722
(IN GRAVELLY VOICE)
What do you do
in that house, Feeny?
257
00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:34,725
Do you eat?
258
00:11:34,794 --> 00:11:37,896
What's the matter with
you two, and why
are you so unkempt?
259
00:11:37,964 --> 00:11:39,797
Oh, ho ho ho!
We're "unkempt"!
260
00:11:40,467 --> 00:11:41,932
You hear that, Topanga?
261
00:11:42,002 --> 00:11:43,767
Well, you'd be
unkempt, too,
if you lived
262
00:11:43,836 --> 00:11:47,372
in an apartment with only
one washing machine
and no dryer!
263
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,240
And you know how
the baby cries?
264
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:51,742
Like this, waaah!
265
00:11:51,811 --> 00:11:53,778
Waaah! Waaah!
266
00:11:53,846 --> 00:11:55,213
All night!
267
00:11:55,282 --> 00:11:56,815
Mr. Matthews...
Waah!
268
00:11:58,552 --> 00:12:01,119
All right, I get it!
It's unpleasant!
269
00:12:01,187 --> 00:12:04,355
Quit stalling, Feeny.
We staying with you
or not?
270
00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:05,456
Not.
271
00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:08,526
Oh, Cory, Topanga...
272
00:12:08,594 --> 00:12:10,261
From the bottom
of my heart,
273
00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:12,497
I'd do anything
for you two
274
00:12:12,566 --> 00:12:16,200
if it's anything short
of actually moving in.
Anything at all.
275
00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:18,502
How about some
of your millions,
fella?
276
00:12:20,307 --> 00:12:21,306
Mrs. Matthews...
277
00:12:21,374 --> 00:12:22,607
Hold him!
I'll get his wallet.
278
00:12:22,676 --> 00:12:23,741
No!
279
00:12:23,810 --> 00:12:26,844
That would be wrong.
This man is an educator.
280
00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:31,582
Oh, you're right.
What could he have,
like, nine bucks?
281
00:12:31,651 --> 00:12:33,117
And a Blockbuster card.
282
00:12:34,688 --> 00:12:36,721
My dear ruffians...
283
00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:38,455
Let me tell you
something about life.
284
00:12:38,524 --> 00:12:40,758
No, please!
No more words!
285
00:12:40,826 --> 00:12:44,128
You have been telling
me about life since
the first grade, Feeny.
286
00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:46,765
How come you never
prepared us for this?
287
00:12:46,833 --> 00:12:51,568
Although you can't
see it now, your
reward is yet to come.
288
00:12:51,637 --> 00:12:53,604
What are you,
a fortune cookie?
289
00:12:55,175 --> 00:12:56,541
Who has cookies?
290
00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:00,344
He's a fortune cookie,
Topanga.
291
00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:02,580
I resent that!
292
00:13:02,649 --> 00:13:05,883
My words are heartfelt
and highly original.
293
00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:09,120
To be reduced to
a whimsical jocularity
294
00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:14,425
that's stuffed into a cracker
is an affront to the very
essence of my character.
295
00:13:14,494 --> 00:13:17,662
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
296
00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:20,331
Well put, honey.
Well put.
297
00:13:20,399 --> 00:13:22,867
Give us something
we can use,
why don't ya?
298
00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:29,139
Persevere, and prosperity
shall be yours.
299
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:38,048
All right,
I'm a fortune cookie.
300
00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:42,420
Remember last time?
Spanked you like a baby.
301
00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:44,488
Guys?
Hi!
302
00:13:44,558 --> 00:13:46,357
You know,
I haven't seen
you in days.
303
00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:48,693
Yeah.
So, how's life
been treating you?
304
00:13:48,762 --> 00:13:50,628
How's life been
treating us?
305
00:13:50,697 --> 00:13:52,096
She wants to know
how life has been
treating us, buddy.
306
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:55,333
Life, which has up
until now treated
us terribly,
307
00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:56,800
has decided
to pay us back.
308
00:13:58,338 --> 00:13:59,637
In triplicate.
309
00:13:59,706 --> 00:14:01,840
Come here, Rachel.
I want you to
meet somebody.
310
00:14:01,908 --> 00:14:04,275
These are
the Dahm triplets.
311
00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:07,244
And they're the
best Dahm triplets
I've ever seen!
312
00:14:07,313 --> 00:14:09,413
They're our neighbors,
all three of 'em.
313
00:14:09,482 --> 00:14:10,615
We helped them
move in.
314
00:14:11,751 --> 00:14:14,152
Yes, all three of 'em.
315
00:14:14,220 --> 00:14:16,587
Here, look, see.
It's one, two, three.
316
00:14:16,656 --> 00:14:18,789
I love to count them.
It's just...
317
00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:21,392
Hi.
318
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:22,493
Hi.
Hi.
319
00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:23,761
Hi.
Hi!
320
00:14:23,829 --> 00:14:25,430
Aren't they
the greatest girls?
321
00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:27,932
Again, cause there's three.
There's one, two, three,
322
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:29,900
and there's one of you
and three of them.
323
00:14:29,969 --> 00:14:32,437
'Cause when it's just one
but three and one,
324
00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:34,872
'cause you lose.
325
00:14:34,940 --> 00:14:39,910
Well, there's three of them,
and there's two of you,
so what's up with that?
326
00:14:39,979 --> 00:14:42,280
They promised
they'd find us
a third guy.
327
00:14:42,348 --> 00:14:43,847
So we can
all go out
together.
328
00:14:43,916 --> 00:14:45,583
We always
do everything
together.
329
00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:48,152
Everything!
Everything!
330
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:50,955
You've been so nice
in helping us find
our dorm room.
331
00:14:51,023 --> 00:14:52,022
We owe you.
332
00:14:52,091 --> 00:14:53,091
They owe us.
333
00:14:53,159 --> 00:14:54,392
A party.
They owe us a party.
334
00:14:54,461 --> 00:14:57,295
So, did you find
another guy?
335
00:14:57,364 --> 00:14:59,296
Ooh...
Hmm, hmm.
336
00:14:59,365 --> 00:15:01,632
Third guy.
Party.
337
00:15:01,701 --> 00:15:03,134
I choose you!
338
00:15:03,202 --> 00:15:04,702
Do you want to
go out with one of
these beautiful women?
339
00:15:04,770 --> 00:15:06,137
Can my brothers go with me?
340
00:15:08,875 --> 00:15:09,874
Oh, no!
341
00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:10,942
Hi.
Hi.
342
00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:12,010
No!
No!
343
00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:13,111
Hi.
Hi.
344
00:15:13,179 --> 00:15:14,178
No!
No!
345
00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:18,249
Well, now, where
are they going?
346
00:15:18,317 --> 00:15:20,351
They're going
to the party!
347
00:15:22,155 --> 00:15:23,688
We're not invited
anymore?
348
00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:24,822
Neh!
349
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:28,826
Rachel.
350
00:15:28,894 --> 00:15:31,662
We appear to have
a gaping hole in
our social calendar.
351
00:15:31,731 --> 00:15:33,997
Yeah, if you're not
doing anything later,
maybe we could...
352
00:15:34,066 --> 00:15:37,034
I wasn't, but now I think
I'm just gonna go home and
353
00:15:37,102 --> 00:15:39,303
laugh and laugh
and laugh.
354
00:15:40,239 --> 00:15:41,539
Three times!
355
00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:43,173
Three, get it?
356
00:15:43,242 --> 00:15:44,274
No.
357
00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:48,346
(SIGHS)
358
00:15:51,584 --> 00:15:53,317
So, you wanna go volunteer
to be experimented on?
359
00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:54,418
Sure.
360
00:15:57,490 --> 00:15:59,657
So, how are
the married dorms?
361
00:15:59,726 --> 00:16:01,692
Pretty sweet setup,
I'm guessing.
362
00:16:01,761 --> 00:16:03,194
We have bugs.
363
00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:04,629
Everybody's got bugs.
364
00:16:04,698 --> 00:16:05,997
Our bugs have cars.
365
00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:09,967
Your worst problem
should be bugs.
366
00:16:10,036 --> 00:16:11,435
True, you're right.
367
00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:13,537
But it's not.
368
00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:15,806
What, there's more?
369
00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:18,576
Just please change
the subject, and don't
change it to plumbing,
370
00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:20,545
don't change it
to crying babies,
371
00:16:20,613 --> 00:16:24,082
and don't mention the fact
that there was a guy shot
in our apartment over a salad,
372
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:26,584
the remains of which
are still on the wall.
373
00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:29,920
The guy or the salad?
374
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,856
I don't really want to know.
375
00:16:31,924 --> 00:16:33,090
I ate it anyway.
376
00:16:35,961 --> 00:16:38,829
Okay, let's talk
about the married thing.
377
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:40,498
What about it?
378
00:16:40,567 --> 00:16:42,667
What's the biggest
difference?
379
00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:44,501
What, between being
boyfriend and girlfriend?
380
00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:45,569
Yeah.
381
00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:49,840
Well, you know,
we're together.
382
00:16:49,909 --> 00:16:52,209
We're together
in everything.
We're there for each other.
383
00:16:52,278 --> 00:16:55,179
And even though
everything we're going
through right now
384
00:16:55,247 --> 00:16:58,449
may not be ideal,
we're gettin' through it.
385
00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:00,384
I think we're
handling it well.
386
00:17:02,088 --> 00:17:04,688
Topanga, are you crying?
387
00:17:04,757 --> 00:17:06,890
(VOICE BREAKING)
Why would you say that?
388
00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:08,459
Because tears are coming
out of your eyes,
389
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,428
and your face
is all scrunched up.
390
00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:13,097
This is crying?
391
00:17:13,166 --> 00:17:14,464
Yeah.
392
00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:16,300
Then I've been crying
for three days.
393
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:21,539
Guys, what's the matter?
394
00:17:21,607 --> 00:17:23,207
It's nothing.
I'll be okay.
395
00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:27,111
I'm sorry.
I'll be fine.
396
00:17:34,087 --> 00:17:35,119
You wanna talk about it?
397
00:17:35,187 --> 00:17:36,186
Talk about what?
398
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:40,057
Talk about how I've
been married for one week,
399
00:17:40,126 --> 00:17:42,760
and I already
can't protect my wife?
400
00:17:42,829 --> 00:17:46,497
Talk about how I believed
love would get us
through anything?
401
00:17:46,565 --> 00:17:49,600
Talk about what an
unprepared idiot I am?
402
00:17:49,669 --> 00:17:51,635
You're not an idiot.
It's just new.
403
00:17:51,704 --> 00:17:53,070
Topanga's crying, Shawn.
404
00:17:53,139 --> 00:17:54,137
Cory, how can I help?
405
00:17:54,206 --> 00:17:55,773
And new is very scary.
406
00:17:55,841 --> 00:17:57,241
I wanna help.
407
00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:59,210
Thanks, but...
408
00:17:59,279 --> 00:18:00,778
I don't think
you can on this one.
409
00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:02,513
Of course I can.
I'm your friend.
410
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:04,148
Yeah, but I'm her husband.
411
00:18:05,318 --> 00:18:06,350
I have to take
care of this.
412
00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:09,720
I have to.
413
00:18:12,158 --> 00:18:13,458
Cory,
414
00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:15,993
I told you I can't
help you with this.
415
00:18:16,062 --> 00:18:18,896
Dad, I'm not asking you
to help me, okay?
416
00:18:18,965 --> 00:18:21,132
This isn't about me.
This is about Topanga.
417
00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:24,235
The minute I married her,
she became more
important than me.
418
00:18:24,304 --> 00:18:26,537
She became more important
than anything.
419
00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:28,372
I'm glad you realize that.
420
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:30,841
I know that mom is
more important to you
than anything, right?
421
00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:32,076
Right, she is.
422
00:18:32,145 --> 00:18:33,944
And you are as well,
and so is Topanga.
423
00:18:34,013 --> 00:18:35,779
Okay, good.
424
00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:38,516
I'm glad you feel
that way because
the last talk we had,
425
00:18:38,585 --> 00:18:40,351
I didn't get
that from you,
426
00:18:40,420 --> 00:18:43,454
and I can't tell you
how much I appreciate
your coming around.
427
00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:47,959
Cory, I'm not coming around.
428
00:18:48,027 --> 00:18:51,728
I can't help you
the way you want me to,
and I'm not going to!
429
00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:53,897
Hey! We're drowning here!
430
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:55,298
You are not drowning.
431
00:18:55,367 --> 00:18:58,436
Well, what do you call
living in an awful dorm
with no money,
432
00:18:58,504 --> 00:19:00,604
and the washing machine's
broken in the laundry room,
433
00:19:00,673 --> 00:19:03,541
and there's some kind
of soup coming out
of the faucet!
434
00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:05,342
Marriage, I call it.
Marriage.
435
00:19:05,411 --> 00:19:08,679
Okay, well, it's hard!
It's just hard, dad.
436
00:19:08,748 --> 00:19:10,514
And you want me to
make it not so hard.
437
00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:11,615
You're supposed
to do that!
438
00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:12,683
I can't!
439
00:19:12,752 --> 00:19:13,984
Well, then what
good are you?
440
00:19:15,521 --> 00:19:16,554
Hey!
441
00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:19,723
You made a choice!
442
00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:22,426
You decided that you were
old enough to get married.
443
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:25,863
You decided to take on
the responsibility
of a new life
444
00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:28,666
because you believed
you could handle it!
445
00:19:30,136 --> 00:19:32,003
And this family
supported that decision
446
00:19:32,071 --> 00:19:34,705
after we told you that
it was going to be
very difficult.
447
00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:40,845
What, did you think
we were kidding?
448
00:19:40,914 --> 00:19:44,481
Did you go into this
marriage thinking you were
just going to play house,
449
00:19:44,551 --> 00:19:46,517
and we were gonna
bail you out of trouble?
450
00:19:48,454 --> 00:19:49,453
Cory...
451
00:19:50,957 --> 00:19:52,089
This is your life.
452
00:19:53,392 --> 00:19:55,392
Deal with your life.
453
00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:06,203
All you had to
say was "no."
454
00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:16,647
(SIGHS)
455
00:20:28,427 --> 00:20:30,761
Cory, where were you?
I was worried sick.
456
00:20:32,365 --> 00:20:34,498
Uh, Topanga...
457
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:37,268
I think it's just
gonna be you and me.
458
00:20:40,206 --> 00:20:42,006
I made us
a tuna-fish
sandwich.
459
00:20:50,849 --> 00:20:52,016
I love you.
460
00:20:53,218 --> 00:20:54,251
I know.
461
00:20:55,788 --> 00:20:56,854
I know you do.
462
00:21:06,532 --> 00:21:08,398
Oh, look,
a cute little boy.
463
00:21:09,368 --> 00:21:10,468
Hey, there, little fella.
464
00:21:10,536 --> 00:21:12,670
I see dead people.
465
00:21:15,541 --> 00:21:16,941
(LAUGHING)
466
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:20,010
I see dead people.
467
00:21:20,512 --> 00:21:21,879
(LAUGHS)
468
00:21:21,948 --> 00:21:23,047
...dead people.
469
00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:24,614
That's nice.
470
00:21:24,683 --> 00:21:26,016
(LAUGHS)
I said it!
471
00:21:26,085 --> 00:21:27,017
(LAUGHING)
40213
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