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1
00:00:01,668 --> 00:00:02,801
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
2
00:00:24,090 --> 00:00:27,592
Hey, hey, you in college?
I'm in college. Woo-hoo!
3
00:00:27,661 --> 00:00:28,827
College!
4
00:00:28,895 --> 00:00:29,928
College!
5
00:00:29,996 --> 00:00:32,064
Cor, Cor, Cor,
calm down, okay?
6
00:00:32,132 --> 00:00:34,132
Nobody knows us yet.
7
00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:35,534
I don't want to be
immediately established
as the "woo-hoo" boys.
8
00:00:35,602 --> 00:00:37,269
Okay, okay.
9
00:00:37,337 --> 00:00:38,570
This is us.
10
00:00:38,638 --> 00:00:40,705
Wait, Shawn.
We can't just go
in this room.
11
00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:44,109
I mean, this is big.
You can't just
open this door.
12
00:00:44,177 --> 00:00:46,778
Cor, we're not
in high school anymore.
That crap just has to stop.
13
00:00:49,849 --> 00:00:51,316
(EXCLAIMS IN AWE)
14
00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:54,285
It's so beautiful.
15
00:00:54,354 --> 00:00:57,022
No. No.
"Beautiful" is not
a strong enough word.
16
00:00:57,090 --> 00:01:01,326
A better word is,
like, sucks.
17
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:03,529
Give me a spoon.
I'm digging a tunnel
right now.
18
00:01:07,034 --> 00:01:08,100
Wow.
19
00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:09,734
What's the matter?
20
00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:11,670
You brought pudding
to college!
21
00:01:12,973 --> 00:01:14,272
Hey, I got one for you.
22
00:01:14,341 --> 00:01:18,777
No. Shh. Shh. Shh.
Listen to me.
23
00:01:18,845 --> 00:01:22,113
No pudding.
No woo-hooing. Okay?
24
00:01:22,182 --> 00:01:24,115
You're right. You're right.
We're in college now, fellow.
25
00:01:24,184 --> 00:01:25,817
This is a chance
to reinvent
ourselves, right?
26
00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:27,819
We can be
anything we want.
27
00:01:27,888 --> 00:01:31,423
No. No reinvention, okay?
You can be yourself,
just without the pudding.
28
00:01:31,492 --> 00:01:32,958
Because I swear
on my mother,
29
00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:34,759
wherever the hell
she is,
30
00:01:34,828 --> 00:01:36,895
if I get to be known
as pudding boy's
best friend,
31
00:01:36,964 --> 00:01:39,164
I will kill you.
32
00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:40,933
You can't ruin
my mood, Shawn.
33
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:43,735
Hey, Cory.
34
00:01:43,803 --> 00:01:46,238
I think when you bolted
from the car yelling,
"College, college,"
35
00:01:46,307 --> 00:01:48,206
I think you
forgot something.
36
00:01:48,275 --> 00:01:49,640
My pudding trunk.
37
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,613
This is exciting,
isn't it, Cor?
38
00:01:55,682 --> 00:01:57,849
My little boy
in college.
39
00:01:57,918 --> 00:02:00,451
Gone for four years.
40
00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:01,519
Boy!
41
00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:03,821
Well...
42
00:02:05,092 --> 00:02:06,791
(CLEARS THROAT)
43
00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:10,161
Well, hey, thanks for
raising me. See you.
44
00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:12,397
Yeah, come on, guys,
let's go. Time is money.
45
00:02:12,465 --> 00:02:13,998
See you
in four years.
46
00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:16,868
I'll miss you, Morgan.
47
00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:18,069
That's not fair.
48
00:02:19,106 --> 00:02:20,105
Oh.
49
00:02:20,173 --> 00:02:21,340
Oh...
50
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:23,408
Come here.
51
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:24,976
Shawn?
52
00:02:25,045 --> 00:02:27,312
Ah, sure. Why not?
53
00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:29,080
ALAN: Oh, yeah.
54
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,950
Oh, Alan, I'm gonna
miss my baby boy.
55
00:02:32,019 --> 00:02:35,020
Mom, you didn't get
like this for Eric.
56
00:02:35,088 --> 00:02:36,221
He doesn't know
we're here, does he?
57
00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:37,989
Uh, let's get out of here.
58
00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:43,862
Shawnie, we're here.
We're in college.
59
00:02:43,931 --> 00:02:45,597
Yeah. Yeah,
it is pretty cool.
60
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:49,167
Hey, look, Angela,
I found us
some college guys.
61
00:02:49,236 --> 00:02:51,169
She means us.
Ah!
62
00:02:51,238 --> 00:02:53,404
Well, the four of us
are here at Pennbrook.
63
00:02:53,473 --> 00:02:54,840
Well, let's check it out.
64
00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:58,109
(SIGHS)
65
00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:00,845
(SOFTLY) Cory, remember,
we're in college now.
66
00:03:00,914 --> 00:03:02,447
Nobody knows us.
Be cool.
67
00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:04,082
Right, yeah.
68
00:03:04,151 --> 00:03:07,686
Okay, look,
we got hallways,
rooms,
69
00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:09,788
and co-ed bathroom.
70
00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:11,957
Oh, see, Shawny?
71
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:14,325
In college, girls
are not called girls.
72
00:03:14,394 --> 00:03:16,094
They are called "Co-eds."
73
00:03:18,432 --> 00:03:19,964
Boy, is she butch.
74
00:03:21,568 --> 00:03:24,436
Cory, the bathroom
is for men and women.
75
00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:27,072
Both?
At the same time.
76
00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:28,373
Just like on
Ally McBeal.
77
00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:29,675
(MOCKINGLY)
"Just like on
Ally McBeal."
78
00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:31,009
Let her go
in there!
79
00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:32,978
Cory, it's no big deal.
80
00:03:33,047 --> 00:03:34,680
I'm going in.
81
00:03:36,349 --> 00:03:37,649
Aw, come on.
82
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,785
I just got comfortable
going in front of guys!
83
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:49,360
Registration.
84
00:03:49,429 --> 00:03:51,162
Here is where we
make the decisions
85
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,431
that will determine
who we are
86
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:55,000
and what we know
87
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,401
for the rest
of our lives.
88
00:03:56,469 --> 00:03:57,903
Oh, shut up.
Cory, we're freshman.
89
00:03:57,971 --> 00:03:59,504
There's really no big
decision to make here.
90
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:01,472
It's anything that says
"101" or "Intro to."
91
00:04:01,541 --> 00:04:03,342
Sure, if you wanna
go the safe way.
92
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:04,476
Here we go.
You see...
93
00:04:04,544 --> 00:04:06,344
I was studying
my course guide
last night.
94
00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:10,382
Now, the old Cory would've
gone down that road of safe
and easy courses,
95
00:04:10,450 --> 00:04:13,017
but I refuse
to be trampled
by the masses
96
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:15,487
registering
for a little course
I like to call
97
00:04:15,555 --> 00:04:17,088
"Introduction
to mediocrity."
98
00:04:17,157 --> 00:04:18,290
You done?
Yeah.
99
00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:19,458
Good.
Okay.
100
00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:26,765
Cattle.
101
00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:27,932
This looks good.
102
00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:33,638
Hey, come on,
we gotta get going.
103
00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:35,540
Yeah, let's
get going, Rachel.
104
00:04:37,077 --> 00:04:38,577
(SOBBING)
105
00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:42,614
Idiot!
You made her cry.
106
00:04:42,683 --> 00:04:46,685
"Rachel."
That's what my boyfriend
used to call me.
107
00:04:49,356 --> 00:04:51,056
What?
108
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:52,924
Hey, come on,
there's gonna be
plenty of time
109
00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:54,792
for that stroll-down-
memory-lane later there,
babe.
110
00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:57,395
I got to get there before
Hooked on Phonics
gets filled up.
111
00:04:59,165 --> 00:05:01,099
Eric, come on, man.
Can't you see she's upset?
112
00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:07,405
Obviously, I don't have
your power of perception.
113
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:10,842
What?
114
00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:14,613
Everything!
115
00:05:14,681 --> 00:05:16,548
Okay. That's good.
It's out.
Everything's out.
116
00:05:16,616 --> 00:05:18,983
Move, move, move.
Let's go.
117
00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:20,818
I just don't know
what I'm doing here.
118
00:05:20,887 --> 00:05:22,653
I mean, we had plans.
We were gonna
live together.
119
00:05:22,722 --> 00:05:25,256
We were gonna go
to college together.
120
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:26,824
We were gonna
get a doggy.
121
00:05:30,197 --> 00:05:33,665
I know. Feels like
your whole world is
turned upside down, right?
122
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,605
School's about
to start.
123
00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:43,709
You're living with two
guys you don't really even
know in some strange town.
124
00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:46,144
Everything's just
kind of hitting you
at once, right?
125
00:05:46,213 --> 00:05:49,381
You know, Jack,
that is exactly
how I feel.
126
00:05:49,449 --> 00:05:50,782
Oh, you are
so sensitive.
127
00:05:52,186 --> 00:05:53,552
Oh, thanks.
128
00:05:55,055 --> 00:05:56,154
I just wish
I had some way
129
00:05:56,223 --> 00:05:58,155
to pull myself
out of this, you know?
130
00:05:58,224 --> 00:05:59,524
I've got the perfect thing.
131
00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:00,859
Eric, this is
not the time.
132
00:06:00,927 --> 00:06:03,662
Nonsense, Jack.
It's always
the time for...
133
00:06:03,730 --> 00:06:05,697
(GASPS)
134
00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:08,533
(SINGING
LITTLE CABIN IN THE WOODS)
135
00:06:15,608 --> 00:06:16,608
Eric!
136
00:06:16,677 --> 00:06:18,576
(BOTH SINGING)
137
00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:21,913
Come on, Jack!
138
00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:23,648
No!
139
00:06:23,716 --> 00:06:25,616
(BOTH CONTINUE SINGING)
140
00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:30,221
(BOTH LAUGHING)
141
00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:31,656
Oh, you are
so much fun.
142
00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:32,957
Yay, me.
143
00:06:35,295 --> 00:06:36,661
And you are so caring.
144
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:42,000
Boy, you know what?
145
00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:43,668
If you two were
one guy, I would
be in real trouble.
146
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:44,803
(LAUGHS)
147
00:06:44,872 --> 00:06:45,871
Huh!
148
00:06:49,042 --> 00:06:50,375
"One guy."
149
00:06:50,444 --> 00:06:51,476
No.
150
00:06:55,148 --> 00:06:56,915
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
151
00:06:56,983 --> 00:06:58,750
You're already
done registering?
152
00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:01,019
Yeah. I registered,
153
00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:02,286
I got my books,
154
00:07:02,355 --> 00:07:05,690
and I bought each of us
a Pennbrook sweatshirt.
155
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:06,858
Huh?
156
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:09,227
Go, penguins!
157
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:11,729
Don't ever do that.
158
00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:14,832
"Quantum physics,
159
00:07:14,901 --> 00:07:16,067
"Theoretical calculus,
160
00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:18,136
"Inorganic chemistry,
161
00:07:18,205 --> 00:07:19,571
"Forensic pathology?"
162
00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:24,109
Is this your son,
Mr. Johnson?
163
00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:27,012
Oh, Cory, Cory, Cory,
how do I put this delicately?
164
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:28,713
Could you be
a bigger moron?
165
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:31,349
Why would you
ask me that? Why?
166
00:07:31,417 --> 00:07:33,685
Because your college career
is over before it starts.
167
00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:35,954
(LAUGHS) Somebody's jealous.
168
00:07:36,022 --> 00:07:37,621
Cory, you've taken on
an impossible load
169
00:07:37,690 --> 00:07:39,324
that will eventually
crush you to death.
170
00:07:39,392 --> 00:07:42,860
I know, but I figure
we'll have ten or 12
good years together first.
171
00:07:42,930 --> 00:07:44,529
(LAUGHS)
That's a good...
172
00:07:44,597 --> 00:07:46,497
All I wanted you to do
is stop with the pudding.
173
00:07:46,566 --> 00:07:49,634
What is this? Do you
even know what
quantum physics is?
174
00:07:49,703 --> 00:07:52,503
Um, hi. That's what
they're gonna teach me.
175
00:07:52,572 --> 00:07:54,139
If I knew what
quantum physics was,
176
00:07:54,207 --> 00:07:56,841
I would've tooken
quantum physics 2,
now, wouldn't I?
177
00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:58,676
Have you looked at this?
It's gibberish.
178
00:07:58,745 --> 00:08:01,079
It's not gibberish.
You're gibberish.
179
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:03,614
It's new and exciting,
just like me.
180
00:08:03,683 --> 00:08:06,051
So nuts to you, you jerks.
181
00:08:08,755 --> 00:08:10,688
Uh, excuse me there,
Professor.
182
00:08:10,757 --> 00:08:12,623
Um, my friends
seem to think
183
00:08:12,692 --> 00:08:14,792
that I've taken on
an impossible load
with quantum physics
184
00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:17,896
and that I'm gonna have
some trouble understanding
the course material.
185
00:08:17,964 --> 00:08:19,964
Well, I could give you
a brief synopsis,
186
00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:22,367
and you can decide
for yourself.
187
00:08:22,436 --> 00:08:24,402
On the first day,
we start off with...
188
00:08:24,471 --> 00:08:26,037
(TALKING GIBBERISH)
189
00:08:26,973 --> 00:08:29,006
And then we focus on...
190
00:08:29,075 --> 00:08:31,109
(CONTINUES TALKING GIBBERISH)
191
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,746
(BOTH TALKING GIBBERISH)
192
00:08:37,817 --> 00:08:39,717
Excuse me.
We have a staff meeting.
193
00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:46,324
Everything's fine.
(CHUCKLES)
194
00:08:48,995 --> 00:08:51,929
And I know that this is not
about quantum physics.
195
00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:53,331
It was just
my nervous psyche
196
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:54,599
that heard
the professor say...
197
00:08:54,667 --> 00:08:56,667
(TALKING GIBBERISH)
198
00:08:56,736 --> 00:08:58,470
And that doesn't
scare me
for two seconds,
199
00:08:59,806 --> 00:09:01,639
but is there any way
that you could possibly
200
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:04,341
get me out of every
course that I signed up
for this year?
201
00:09:04,410 --> 00:09:05,810
You're feeling
overwhelmed?
202
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,178
Yes.
203
00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:09,714
Well, you are not alone
in feeling that, son.
204
00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:12,684
Yeah, I'm...
205
00:09:12,753 --> 00:09:14,986
I'm just worried
that I can't drop
these courses
206
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:18,223
and that, you know,
I've ruined my entire life
in one day.
207
00:09:18,292 --> 00:09:19,757
Nonsense. You can drop
any course you want,
208
00:09:19,826 --> 00:09:21,025
and you can pick up
any course that's open.
209
00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:22,426
(SIGHS)
210
00:09:22,495 --> 00:09:25,396
Good. I want
everything 101
211
00:09:25,465 --> 00:09:27,732
or anything that starts
with "Introduction to."
212
00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:30,335
Oh. Those are gone.
213
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:32,470
Yes, um, I know
that they're gone,
214
00:09:32,539 --> 00:09:35,072
but I told you,
I made a terrible mistake.
215
00:09:35,142 --> 00:09:36,908
Now, will you
please fix it?
216
00:09:36,977 --> 00:09:38,710
Oh, you want me to fix this?
217
00:09:39,445 --> 00:09:40,778
Well, I can't do that.
218
00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:44,682
What do you mean?
219
00:09:44,751 --> 00:09:47,618
I mean those
courses are closed.
220
00:09:47,687 --> 00:09:50,388
I know that they're closed,
but I told you,
221
00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:53,358
I made a terrible mistake.
I accept full responsibility
for that.
222
00:09:53,427 --> 00:09:56,327
Now, will you
please help me?
223
00:09:56,395 --> 00:09:59,063
Son, did you know
that one in three
new students
224
00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:01,699
won't make it
through their
freshman year?
225
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:02,967
Why are you
telling me that?
226
00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:05,036
Because college isn't
for everyone, son.
227
00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:09,174
And if you find just
simple course selection
so overwhelming,
228
00:10:09,242 --> 00:10:10,975
well, perhaps
you need to consider
if it's for you.
229
00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:13,644
Look, you're
my guidance counselor.
230
00:10:13,713 --> 00:10:15,580
I get into trouble,
and you guide me out.
231
00:10:15,648 --> 00:10:17,848
That's gonna be
our relationship, yes?
232
00:10:17,917 --> 00:10:20,385
This is college.
The real world.
233
00:10:20,454 --> 00:10:23,721
The relationship
you're talking about?
It doesn't exist here.
234
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:25,023
I'm sorry.
235
00:10:25,091 --> 00:10:26,324
Buh-bye.
236
00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:30,594
You lied to me.
237
00:10:30,663 --> 00:10:32,430
You filled me with
all this education.
238
00:10:32,498 --> 00:10:34,565
But you never
prepared me for life.
239
00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:39,838
I'm sorry.
Have we met?
240
00:10:43,176 --> 00:10:44,776
You failed me, Mr. Feeny.
241
00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:46,778
Several times,
I believe.
242
00:10:46,847 --> 00:10:48,479
You didn't prepare me
for college.
243
00:10:48,548 --> 00:10:50,048
You didn't prepare me
for life.
244
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:54,252
I'm in way over my head,
and I have no idea
how I got there.
245
00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:56,253
It's good to see you,
Mr. Matthews.
246
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:58,857
It's good to see you,
Mr. Feeny.
That's a nice hat.
247
00:10:58,925 --> 00:11:00,525
Anybody know
you're here?
248
00:11:00,594 --> 00:11:03,060
You mean does
anyone know I screwed up
college on my first day
249
00:11:03,129 --> 00:11:05,096
and flew to Wyoming
on my air miles?
250
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:07,799
Air miles? Where
did you get those?
251
00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:10,101
Pudding labels, baby.
Got me to Omaha.
252
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,036
Bused in from there.
253
00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:14,105
I met a Native American
and a militia guy.
254
00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:16,608
"Casinos good.
Government bad."
255
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:19,577
So. How's, uh...
How's retirement going?
256
00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:22,547
Oh, well, I'm having
a wonderful time.
257
00:11:22,615 --> 00:11:26,017
Yeah? Well, what's so great?
Tell me about your day.
258
00:11:26,085 --> 00:11:28,419
Well, after spending
40 years
as a schoolteacher
259
00:11:28,487 --> 00:11:30,521
setting my alarm
to wake up with the sun,
260
00:11:30,589 --> 00:11:32,857
I now wake up
whenever I want to.
261
00:11:32,925 --> 00:11:35,126
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
262
00:11:35,194 --> 00:11:37,628
And then I have
a big breakfast
with some of the boys.
263
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:39,263
You got boys?
264
00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:41,566
I do.
265
00:11:41,634 --> 00:11:43,868
And then we do whatever
our hearts desire.
266
00:11:43,936 --> 00:11:46,838
For example, today,
we decided to go fishing.
267
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:50,575
Fishing?
Mmm-hmm.
268
00:11:50,643 --> 00:11:54,379
All day. This is all...
That's all you do
all day, is just fish?
269
00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:56,680
Well, there's more
to it than just fish.
270
00:11:56,749 --> 00:11:58,483
I mean,
we swap stories,
271
00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,218
enjoy the outdoors,
272
00:12:00,286 --> 00:12:03,621
and more importantly,
each other's company.
273
00:12:03,690 --> 00:12:08,125
I had a company once,
until my son-in-law stole it.
274
00:12:08,194 --> 00:12:10,561
Easy, Ned. You'll blow
your pacemaker.
275
00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:13,063
So, basically,
Mr. Feeny,
276
00:12:13,132 --> 00:12:15,199
if I'm understanding
this correctly,
277
00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:18,536
you guys, you do
absolutely nothing.
278
00:12:18,604 --> 00:12:19,637
I wouldn't
characterize it...
279
00:12:19,706 --> 00:12:21,839
No, he's got it.
280
00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:23,574
No pressures,
no commitments,
281
00:12:23,642 --> 00:12:28,379
no decisions, and
no way to screw up
anything at all.
282
00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:30,881
Cory, perhaps
you'd be good enough
to explain to me
283
00:12:30,950 --> 00:12:33,418
why you traveled
all this distance
284
00:12:33,486 --> 00:12:35,419
just to insult me.
285
00:12:35,488 --> 00:12:38,255
Insult you?
George, I envy you!
286
00:12:38,324 --> 00:12:41,225
I mean, this is
the next best thing
to being in a coma!
287
00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:42,526
Huh?
288
00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:46,130
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
289
00:12:57,944 --> 00:12:59,276
(DOOR CLOSES)
290
00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:00,812
Oh, it's you. Get lost.
291
00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:04,215
What are you doing?
292
00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:06,817
Hey, shut your
cake hole, Irene.
I'm sensitive, all right?
293
00:13:06,886 --> 00:13:08,185
Rachel's gonna
come back here.
294
00:13:08,254 --> 00:13:09,753
She's gonna
see how sensitive I am,
know that I'm all man
295
00:13:09,822 --> 00:13:12,289
and not half-man
like your sorry tushy.
296
00:13:12,359 --> 00:13:14,792
Congratulations, man.
You're officially
in the Idiot Hall of Fame.
297
00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:18,229
That hurts me,
but I understand
298
00:13:18,297 --> 00:13:21,366
where it's coming from,
and it's okay.
299
00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:23,801
Eric, you're trying to
change who you are just
to get her to like you.
300
00:13:23,870 --> 00:13:25,670
She's gonna see
right through that,
man.
301
00:13:25,738 --> 00:13:27,939
No, she's not.
She's gonna come back
and fall for me
302
00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:30,408
and fall deep
into my trap
of sensitivity.
303
00:13:33,613 --> 00:13:35,946
All right.
As your friend,
304
00:13:36,015 --> 00:13:38,950
I'm begging you
not to make a fool
out of yourself.
305
00:13:39,018 --> 00:13:41,252
All right.
As a friend,
306
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:43,588
I'm begging you
not to make a fool
out of yourself.
307
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,422
Huh? How was that, man?
308
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:46,658
It's like looking
in a mirror, huh?
309
00:13:46,726 --> 00:13:47,725
It's Face Off!
310
00:13:47,794 --> 00:13:50,227
(IMITATES LASER WHIRRING)
311
00:13:50,296 --> 00:13:53,630
Eric, Jack. Jack, Eric.
You don't even know
who you are anymore.
312
00:13:54,301 --> 00:13:56,066
Hey, guys.
313
00:13:56,135 --> 00:13:57,435
(MIMICS SOBBING)
Hello, Rachel.
314
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:01,405
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS)
315
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:06,077
Eric, what's the matter?
316
00:14:06,145 --> 00:14:08,213
It's the children.
It's the children.
317
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:11,849
The children?
What children?
318
00:14:11,918 --> 00:14:14,819
All of them.
They're so little.
You just...
319
00:14:14,888 --> 00:14:16,287
Please don't
make me go on.
320
00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:19,290
'Cause the world is
a melancholy place
321
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,025
where human
relationships
322
00:14:21,093 --> 00:14:23,294
must rise
to the forefront
323
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:24,962
of our too brief
experience
324
00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:27,365
on this insignificant
swirling blue orb,
325
00:14:27,433 --> 00:14:30,701
until we're extinguished
like a flickering flame.
326
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:32,170
Ow! That hot.
327
00:14:36,710 --> 00:14:38,009
(SCOFFING)
328
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:45,516
Oh, Eric, that
is the most sensitive
thing I've ever heard.
329
00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:50,120
Would you go with me
to do laundry?
330
00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:51,723
What?
331
00:14:51,791 --> 00:14:53,724
I'm sorry, Jack.
I need to be
alone with Eric.
332
00:14:53,793 --> 00:14:55,560
You do?
She do!
333
00:14:57,663 --> 00:14:59,797
I feel your pain,
buddy, I do, but
get outta my way.
334
00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:04,368
We've got to attend
to the delicates.
335
00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:05,802
Yes, we do.
336
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:09,707
She's gonna see
right through me,
though, isn't she?
337
00:15:09,776 --> 00:15:11,642
(LAUGHS) Dude,
this is her bra!
338
00:15:12,812 --> 00:15:13,911
Get...
339
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:22,920
Nice day,
huh, Walter?
340
00:15:23,489 --> 00:15:24,555
Yep.
341
00:15:25,825 --> 00:15:27,258
Who's up
for a movie?
342
00:15:27,327 --> 00:15:28,392
Hmm?
343
00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:29,760
That's a pretty
good idea, George.
344
00:15:29,829 --> 00:15:30,828
Uh-huh!
345
00:15:30,896 --> 00:15:32,529
Why don't we wait
till it rains?
346
00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:34,165
Why can't we
do it now?
347
00:15:34,234 --> 00:15:35,867
Well, we're fishing now.
348
00:15:37,036 --> 00:15:38,769
Fish are really jumping.
349
00:15:38,838 --> 00:15:42,506
No, they're not.
I haven't seen a fish
since I've been here.
350
00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:44,108
Take it easy, George.
351
00:15:44,177 --> 00:15:46,310
We've got
the rest of our lives
to catch a fish.
352
00:15:46,379 --> 00:15:48,980
Walter makes
an awful lot
of sense, George.
353
00:15:49,048 --> 00:15:52,449
No, he doesn't.
And his name
is not Walter.
354
00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:53,518
It's Cory.
355
00:15:53,586 --> 00:15:56,687
Cory is too young
a name to be here.
356
00:15:56,756 --> 00:15:59,190
Cory's too young
to be here.
357
00:15:59,259 --> 00:16:00,825
I'm too young
to be here.
358
00:16:00,894 --> 00:16:03,394
(LAUGHS)
Good one, George.
359
00:16:03,462 --> 00:16:06,663
Look, Mr. Matthews,
I have indulged
your little fantasy
360
00:16:06,732 --> 00:16:10,001
for a weekend hoping
that you would
come to your senses,
361
00:16:10,069 --> 00:16:13,671
but obviously, no one here
comes to their senses.
362
00:16:13,739 --> 00:16:15,940
Now, don't insult
our way of life, George.
363
00:16:16,008 --> 00:16:19,277
I'm sorry, Ned.
I'm just not ready
for your way of life.
364
00:16:19,345 --> 00:16:21,245
We'll miss you, George.
365
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:22,813
Back to school, Walter.
366
00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:28,319
You know, Rachel,
I'm glad you noticed
the sensitive side of me
367
00:16:28,388 --> 00:16:31,122
as well as the
devil-may-care side.
368
00:16:31,190 --> 00:16:33,958
You have it all, Eric.
Everything a girl could want.
369
00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:39,397
(STUTTERS) Thank you.
370
00:16:39,465 --> 00:16:41,499
Uh, why'd you
lock the door?
371
00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:44,268
Well, if it was open,
then somebody could
come in, couldn't they?
372
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:46,003
And then they'd take
all the best machines.
373
00:16:46,072 --> 00:16:48,573
That's good thinking
there, Rach.
374
00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:52,109
(LAUGHING) No, no, no, silly.
See, I brought you here
375
00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:55,379
because I've never
found you more attractive
than I do right now.
376
00:16:56,048 --> 00:16:57,147
(GRUNTS)
Whee!
377
00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:01,318
I am so hot.
378
00:17:01,988 --> 00:17:03,086
Are you?
379
00:17:03,155 --> 00:17:05,756
Yeah. I'm hot.
This dryer's on fluff.
380
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:08,525
So am I.
381
00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:10,461
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
382
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:13,031
Rachel,
what are you doing?
This shirt's clean.
383
00:17:13,099 --> 00:17:15,165
I know. I just wanted it
smushed up a little bit.
384
00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:17,901
Oh, smushing's good.
I like smushing.
I think...
385
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:20,137
No. No. No, no, no, no.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
386
00:17:21,174 --> 00:17:23,240
Rachel, this is wrong.
387
00:17:23,309 --> 00:17:25,843
Oh, come on.
What's the matter, Eric?
Don't you want me?
388
00:17:27,413 --> 00:17:28,713
Yeah, yeah.
389
00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:30,581
But not in the laundry room.
390
00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:32,950
I mean, I always figured
that if we ever did do this,
391
00:17:33,019 --> 00:17:36,453
it would be in some
romantic fleabag motel.
392
00:17:36,522 --> 00:17:38,689
Hey, if you went
to all the trouble to be
the perfect man for me,
393
00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:41,692
then the least I could do
is be the perfect woman
for you.
394
00:17:42,828 --> 00:17:44,695
This isn't you.
395
00:17:44,764 --> 00:17:47,265
I don't like this you.
396
00:17:47,333 --> 00:17:49,033
You don't?
397
00:17:49,102 --> 00:17:50,134
Then what do you
want me to be?
398
00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:52,636
Sensitive? Funny? A brunette?
399
00:17:52,705 --> 00:17:54,271
I just want you
to be yourself!
400
00:17:54,340 --> 00:17:56,874
I mean,
if you're not yourself,
then what are you?
401
00:17:56,943 --> 00:17:58,609
Somebody else.
402
00:17:58,678 --> 00:18:01,612
Right. And if
you want to be in a
relationship with me,
403
00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:04,182
then I want you
to be there,
not somebody...
404
00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:05,849
Oh, I get it.
405
00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:11,655
And I want you
to be the funny,
wonderful person you are.
406
00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:14,025
'Cause that's
how I like you.
407
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:15,492
Promise me you're
not gonna change, okay?
408
00:18:16,629 --> 00:18:17,928
(SCOFFS)
409
00:18:17,997 --> 00:18:18,996
'Kay.
410
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:21,232
One condition.
411
00:18:21,301 --> 00:18:22,833
Okay, anything.
412
00:18:22,902 --> 00:18:23,901
Put me back
on the dryer.
413
00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:25,369
Okay.
Whoo!
414
00:18:25,437 --> 00:18:28,339
(BOTH LAUGHING)
415
00:18:28,407 --> 00:18:32,643
I understand you've
dedicated your life
to teaching, Mr. Feeny.
416
00:18:32,712 --> 00:18:36,013
But that was at
the high school level.
This is college.
417
00:18:36,082 --> 00:18:38,282
As I understand it,
high school serves
418
00:18:38,351 --> 00:18:40,751
to prepare you
for college.
Am I correct?
419
00:18:40,819 --> 00:18:42,520
Well, there are
5,000 incoming freshmen
420
00:18:42,588 --> 00:18:45,523
who were able
to register correctly.
He wasn't.
421
00:18:45,591 --> 00:18:47,925
Perhaps he wasn't
adequately prepared.
422
00:18:50,162 --> 00:18:51,829
You know something, Myron?
423
00:18:51,897 --> 00:18:55,266
Out of all my nephews,
I hate you the most.
424
00:18:57,403 --> 00:18:58,602
Come on, Cory.
425
00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:00,438
There's nothing
to be done here.
426
00:19:02,908 --> 00:19:04,242
Mother will be calling you.
427
00:19:11,217 --> 00:19:12,683
Mr. Feeny, I'm sorry.
428
00:19:12,751 --> 00:19:15,085
I feel like I failed you.
429
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:18,222
I guess I didn't
prepare you as well
as I should.
430
00:19:18,290 --> 00:19:20,991
Maybe it's just
as well I retired.
431
00:19:21,060 --> 00:19:23,160
No. No. No.
Mr. Feeny. The things...
432
00:19:23,229 --> 00:19:24,962
The most important things
that I learned from you
433
00:19:25,031 --> 00:19:26,697
have nothing to do
with the courses
434
00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:29,066
that I'm taking
here in college,
anyway.
435
00:19:29,134 --> 00:19:30,334
Really?
436
00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:32,203
Yeah. I mean...
What I learned from you
437
00:19:32,271 --> 00:19:34,871
was mostly about life
and how to make friends
438
00:19:34,940 --> 00:19:38,542
and how to help
and support the people
you care about.
439
00:19:38,611 --> 00:19:40,144
That's what you
taught all of us.
440
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,147
How you doing,
Mr. Feeny?
441
00:19:43,215 --> 00:19:44,781
Howdy.
442
00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:47,017
Thank you for bringing
my Walter home.
443
00:19:47,086 --> 00:19:48,352
Hi.
444
00:19:48,421 --> 00:19:50,620
Listen, I'd love to chat,
but Mr. Feeny and I,
445
00:19:50,689 --> 00:19:53,123
we gotta start
studying for quantum...
446
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:55,459
Whatever it is
I signed up for.
447
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:57,027
Here.
448
00:19:57,096 --> 00:19:58,829
What's this?
449
00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:00,964
It's your schedule.
You have two classes
with me
450
00:20:01,034 --> 00:20:02,967
and three with Shawn.
451
00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:04,935
I figured you'd
want it that way.
452
00:20:05,004 --> 00:20:07,070
I don't get it.
How'd you do this?
453
00:20:07,139 --> 00:20:09,306
Well, we each signed up
for an extra class...
454
00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:10,941
And then
we dropped one...
455
00:20:11,010 --> 00:20:13,010
And signed
you up instead.
456
00:20:13,079 --> 00:20:15,378
And then we got
your books and returned
them for the right ones.
457
00:20:15,447 --> 00:20:18,716
You did?
How'd you know
to do this?
458
00:20:18,784 --> 00:20:21,085
Hey. We had the
same teacher you did.
459
00:20:26,258 --> 00:20:28,191
So I'm ready to
start college now?
460
00:20:28,260 --> 00:20:30,528
I think you are,
Mr. Matthews.
461
00:20:31,597 --> 00:20:33,330
I think you all are.
462
00:20:39,839 --> 00:20:42,606
Now, you promise me
you're not gonna
change who you are?
463
00:20:42,674 --> 00:20:44,107
You like me
like I am?
464
00:20:44,176 --> 00:20:45,942
Very much.
465
00:20:46,011 --> 00:20:47,378
I do have
a sensitive side,
you know.
466
00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:50,414
I know. Can I have
my bra back, please?
467
00:20:51,050 --> 00:20:52,149
Nope.
468
00:20:53,986 --> 00:20:55,519
You see?
You are funny.
469
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:58,088
And nobody should
change the way they are.
470
00:20:58,791 --> 00:21:00,157
(SQUEAKING)
471
00:21:03,329 --> 00:21:04,828
(HONKING HORN)
472
00:21:09,736 --> 00:21:11,335
Laundry room?
Yeah, laundry room.
473
00:21:13,339 --> 00:21:14,838
Come on, Jack.
474
00:21:16,876 --> 00:21:18,308
I'm going to
the laundry room.
475
00:21:21,046 --> 00:21:23,180
Next time, ask before
you borrow my bike!
40943
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