Original subtitles

Previously on

Young Sheldon...

Paige?

Im so happy to see you.

Are you happy to see me?

Not immediately.

I don't usually see young people at my lectures.

I enjoyed your paper on accelerator mass spectrometry

and wanted to find out more.

And you?

I read this magazine.

Uh-huh.

It has puzzles, too.

Well, I think my parents are getting a divorce.

Why?

They fight all the time.

I guess Im lucky. Why?

Im the glue that holds our family together.

What do you think of these?

Theyre nice, but youre already taller than John.

Wont they make that worse?

No, makes it better.

He likes me to be dominating.

I don't want to hear that.

Sometimes he makes me wear these when were... messing around.

I said I don't want to hear it.

I wanted to say it.

All right, I don't have the Sperry loafers in your size,

but I do have the Hush Puppies.

I don't wear brown Hush Puppies penny loafers,

I wear brown Sperry penny loafers.

But they're exactly the same.

Well, do they come

in a box that says Sperry penny loafers?

Because that one says Hush Puppies.

Just try em on, honey.

What if I like them?

Well, then well get them.

All right, lets go over this again.

I don't wear brown Hush Puppies penny loafers,

I wear brown Sperry...

Would you give us a moment?

Happily.

When we get to the Hello Kitty store today,

remember I was the good child.

Oh, hi, Mary.

Linda. So good to see you.

Hi, Sheldon.

Hello, Paige.

Hi, Missy.

Hi!

Look at these rain boots... they have ducks on them.

And the ducks are wearing boots.

Those are so cute.

Well, what a nice coincidence.

Yeah.

Good to see you.

Yeah. How are things?

Well, at the moment,

trying to get shoes for Sheldon,

but they only have these, not the ones he likes.

Ah. You know, I think that brand is the same kind Einstein wore.

Well, Ive never seen a picture of his feet.

And youre a grown-up, so you wouldnt lie to me.

I guess I have no choice but to believe you.

All right, Ill try them.

Great!

Hey, Mom, can Missy and I go to the Hello Kitty store?

Well, its okay with me if its okay with Mary.

Its okay, but you better be on your best behavior.

I will, I promise.

Go ahead.

Boy, you steal one pencil sharpener

and you never hear the end of it.

How do they feel?

My brand loyalty is being severely tested.

I am a mighty little man.

Did you guys know Paige speaks three languages?

Really? Thats impressive.

You only speak one.

Two. Im learning conversational Klingon.

Thats impressive, too.

Hey, Mom, can Paige sleep over this weekend?

I guess, if her mother says okay.

Wait, where is she going to sleep?

In your bed. You can sleep on the couch.

Absolutely not.

Ive already changed my brand of loafers,

I am not changing my sleeping quarters.

How about you stay at Meemaws? You like that.

No, Meemaw has a date.

So?

So if those shoes I just bought

do their job,

that will be a "no children allowed" scenario.

Well, Im sleeping in my bed, and thats that.

Fine, Paige and I can share my bed.

You okay with that, Shelly?

I trust you two will stay quiet throughout the evening

and go to sleep at the appropriate time?

Absolutely.

All right, then. Im okay with it, Mom.

How is he ever gonna get through this world?

Welcome, come on in.

Oh, thank you.

You look nice. Going out to dinner with your husband?

Ugh, no. Girlfriends.

Hi, Sheldon.

Hello.

What are you doing?

Chemistry homework for extra credit.

Cute, I did that last year.

Paige!

Missy!

Aw, they're so sweet.

Yeah, lifell suck that right out of them soon enough.

Well, bye. Bye.

You got to meet my dolls... I told them all about you!

"Cute, I did that last year."

Thank you for agreeing to the early-bird dinner.

When I eat too late, the food just sits right here.

Yeah, gettin old is no party.

Oh, Ive had this problem since I was ten.

When I was in grade school, my nickname was Old Burpy.

Well, I will not be calling you that.

You can if youd like.

Im good.

So, I have a little surprise for you.

Oh, I love surprises. Whatcha got?

Im going to learn to drive.

Really?

Yes.

While I love having you be the dominant personality

behind closed doors, I think out in public

I ought to take on more of a macho role.

Well, youre macho enough for me, John,

but I would enjoy not having to drive us all the time.

Then its settled.

Well, when do you start?

As soon as you teach me.

Me? Do you really think thats a good idea?

Its perfect. I teach you about science

so you can impress your grandson,

and you teach me to drive so I can impress you.

Okay, but if we do this, Im in charge.

You have to do what I say when and how I tell you to do it.

Hubba-hubba, its like were back in the bedroom.

Did you know that tea was discovered by accident?

I didn't, but I don't know lots of stuff.

The Emperor Shennong of China was boiling water in his garden

and a leaf from a tea tree fell into his pot.

Tea comes from trees?

Whered you think it comes from?

The supermarket.

What, the girls leave you out of their little picnic?

Oh, they invited him.

Well, then why aint you out there?

Eat outdoors? Do I look like a hippie to you?

I thought Paige was your friend.

Shes more of a colleague.

Oh.

Although for reasons unknown,

shes currently behaving like a ten-year-old.

Maybe thats because she is a ten-year-old.

Still no excuse.

All right, Im just gonna come out and ask it:

what the heck is a colleague?

Okay, pick a number.

Three.

One, two, three.

Now pick a color.

Pink, duh.

The name of your future pony is...

Sparkle Sunshine.

I would totally name it that!

Sheldon, do you want to have your fortune read?

Absolutely not.

And I cannot believe a person as smart as you is doing it.

Why? Its fun.

He doesn't know how to have fun; hes an old man.

Im not an old man.

Oh, yeah? Whats your favorite color?

Khaki.

Old man.

Im trying to sleep.

Come inside and play with us.

Dont invite him.

This is a girls fort,

not an old man fort.

Im not an old man.

Then come inside.

Are you crazy? Its bedtime.

Old man.

What are you doing?

Were tying Georgies ankles together.

So when he gets out of bed he falls down.

But he could get hurt.

If were lucky.

Well, I will not be a party to this.

Old man.

Thats when the bloodthirsty Goatman...

part goat, part man...

crept up on the sleeping children... No.

...and sank his sharp little teeth into their necks... No.

...and drank their blood!

No.

Problem?

Several. First of all, goats are herbivores.

They don't eat meat, let alone drink blood.

Maybe the half man part drinks blood.

Dont even get me started on the "half man" stuff.

Sheldon, its just a fun scary story.

Its nonsense is what it is.

Old man.

Im not an old man, Im ten.

More like 110.

You know, I read that adults who had a stunted childhood

often become social misfits and weirdos.

You didn't read that, youre making it up

like your goat story.

Psychology Magazine, February issue, 1988.

Well, um...

That doesn't make it true.

Guess youll find out when youre an adult.

I guess I will.

Well, we know ho

w this story ends.

I grew up to become a

well-adjusted

and charming fellow. Bu

t at that moment in time,

she had me worried.

Hey, Georgie, breakfast. Mo

m made Eggos.

Eg

gos, sweet.

Ow! Dang it!

Oh, dear.

What?

Paige was right.

"Theres ample evidence to indicate

"that a stunted childhood can cause one to be maladjusted

as an adult."

Then Im screwed.

What do you mean?

When Im not in school, Im doing homework.

When Im not doing homework, Im practicing my cello.

And when Im not doing that,

Im working in my parents store.

That must be why were friends.

Were both stunted.

Sounds right.

Well, I for one plan to do something about it.

Like what?

Im going to goof off, engage in horseplay,

and if time permits, be quite immature.

If time permits?

I have homework, too.

Would you like to join me in my shenanigans?

No, thanks.

Arent you concerned about being a maladjusted adult?

Nah. I'll just marry an American woman

and hope she can fix me.

Im usually the one giving the tests,

but, uh, today Im

taking

one.

No talking.

And I usually say that to my students.

What?

Hows it going?

I cant tell you. Theres no talking.

No talking.

Sorry.

Mind if I join you?

Doing what?

Swinging.

Seriously?

Yes. Its my hope to feel the wind in my hair

and be carefree.

Um, okay.

Sheldon threw up on me. Sheldon threw up on me!

Okay, rearview mirrors.

Um, all set.

Turn signal left. Turn signal right.

Um, foot on the brake.

Transmission in drive.

You have to start the car first.

Of course.

Sorry, Im a bit nervous.

Youre not alone.

And here we go.

This is crazy.

Im doing it.

Excuse me, I was hoping to purchase

some practical joke paraphernalia

so that I may behave childishly.

Rack in the corner.

Thank you.

"If its funny, its a Bazinga."

Interesting.

Yellow light. Yellow light!

Its okay, keep going.

But yellow means slow down.

You cant slow down in the intersection!

Keep going.

Are you sure? Yes.

Go. Go!

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh...

Im so sorry.

Its okay, were fine.

Nobody got hurt.

I don't think I can do this, Connie.

Of course you can. Were just getting started.

No, its too much information. I cant process it.

It was just a yellow light.

Not just the light. There were other cars.

Theres pedestrians.

There was a guy on a bicycle.

So?

Thats just too many random elements.

The-the-the stimuli are overwhelming.

Okay. Okay.

Im sorry. I know Im letting you down.

Oh, don't be silly. Youre not letting me down.

I love you whether you can drive or not.

You love me?

Well, I...

I suppose I do.

Am I allowed to reciprocate?

Sure, if thats the way you feel.

Oh, it is.

I love you, too, Connie.

Well...

Thats just great.

All righty.

Would you like to switch seats with me?

Yes, but give me a minute

because my legs are a little wobbly.

Is that from the yellow light or the "I love yous"?

Both.

Dad, would you care for a piece of gum?

No, thank you.

Please, take a piece of gum.

Why?

Just please.

Bazinga.

You understand any of that?

I don't know, I guess hes just being a little boy.

Since when?

Georgie? Georgie?

What?

Would you like some salted mixed nuts?

Nah.

Look, they're the fancy kind.

Thats a trick can.

No, its not.

Listen. When you shake it, theres a rattling sound,

as if nuts are inside.

Fine.

Bazinga.

Sparks residence, Billy speaking.

This is the electric company.

Hello.

Im calling to see if your refrigerator is running.

I'll go check.

Im back. Its running.

Well, then you better go catch it.

Bazinga.

This is Connie Tucker.

Leave a message when you hear the...

beep.

Hello, um, Meemaw,

this is Sheldon.

If you were home, I was going to say, "Is Mr. Wall there?"

And then you would say, "No."

And then I would say, "Is Mrs. Wall there?"

And then you would say, "No."

And then I would say, "Well, if there are no walls,

then how does your roof stay up?"

Um, okay. Bazinga.

That was pathetic.

It was.

Im not sure Im cut out for these antics and shenanigans.

I guess youre gonna grow up to be a weirdo.

I suppose I am.

Life is so confusing.

I always hoped it would be easier for me

when I grew up, but...

...now Im not so sure it will.

Its gonna be all right.

You were faking?

Bazinga.

An

d thats how I became

the madcap prankster al

l my friends know and love.

So, John, how was your first driving lesson?

Intense.

At one point,

I was approaching an intersection.

The light was green, but at the last moment,

it turned yellow.

I didn't know what to do.

Should I keep going? Should I stop?

There were other cars nearby.

Connie was yelling.

A glare from the sun was in my eyes.

So, what happened?

Somehow, I managed to make it through,

turned on my directional,

and slowly pulled

to the side of the road.

Thats how you tell a scary story.

In lighter news, your meemaw loves me.

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