All language subtitles for allo.allo.s05e04.dvdrip.xvid-nodlabs

( theme music playing )

( alarm ringing )

quick,

take this fire
extinguisher,

follow the general.
that way.

where are you going?

uh... i was just going out
for a little fresh air.

that smoke was
getting in my lungs.

you are here
to blow this safe.

get on with it,
or you will die

at the hands
of the resistance.

my lungs have cleared.

here, give me
a hand with this.

right.

now, there is
the safe.

get to work with
this explosive, here.

okay.

there is very little time
for me to tell you

exactly what is going on.

suffice it to say that
we going to blow up this safe

so that we can
photograph the plans

for the german invasion
of england,

which are hidden inside it.

- detonator.
- there.

my wife, edith,
has caused a diversion

by dropping a smoke bomb
from the roof down the chimney.

naturally she dropped it
down the wrong chimney.

let us just hope

that it keeps
general von klinkerhoffen

busy for long enough
for us to make the explosion

and get out of here.

- fuse.
- right.

there's the fire.
extinguish it!

in your efforts
to prevent the general

from making amorous advances,
you have gone too far.

i am not responsible
for that.

do you think i would
start a fire

and ruin my own music?

depress the plinger
and direct the nizzle

at the muddle of the fear.

get out of my way,

i can spray this
only once.

this is definitely the work
of the resistance.

anyone looking
suspicious will be shot,

especially gypsies.

you're right.
we will scarper.

helga,
create a diversion.

oh, the smoke,
the smoke!

i am overcome.

i will hold you,
never fear.

gruber,

where are
those gypsies?

i did not see.

i have been busy
watering the fire.

find them
and arrest them.

matches.

how long
will it take?

not long.

we will hide
outside the door.

somebody's coming.

they will see
the safe.

quick,
the wardrobe.

the wardrobe?
yes.

not inside it,
you stupid old fool!

general:
guard, find
those gypsies.

flick:
quick, hide in one
of the rooms.

- quick, under the bed.
- under the bed.

lock the door.

there is no key.

someone is coming.

shall we hide
under the bed?

no, that is the first place
they will look.

hide in the wardrobe.

we must get out
of these gypsy clothes

as quickly as possible.

they are out
of their clothes.

( coughing )

down this chimney,

i heard the voice
of herr flick.

down this one,

i can hear crabtree
and the general.

i think
the operation

is not going
according to plan.

does it ever?

it is best
that we scarper.

not that way.
follow me--

there's a ladder.

there is,
at the foot
of this ladder,

a fire engine.

we will commandeer it.

quick, the safe.

now, you remove
the plans.

i will prepare
the camera.

- there are no plans.
- what?

only these two
old paintings.

what?

"the fallen madonna with
the big boobies" by van clomp!

this is "the cracked vase
with the big daisies"
by van gogh.

well, these must be
two more forgeries.

but what are they
doing in a safe

in the bedroom
of lieutenant gruber?

yeah, and if they
are forgeries,

why keep them
in the safe?

general:
gruber, where did
that explosion come from?

gruber:
i think it came
from my bedroom, herr general.

quick, the bed!

oh, dear.

somebody has tampered
with the safe.

general?

hmm?

i'm afraid
our paintings have gone.

i trust
they were forgeries.

no, they were
the originals,

which i retained for you,

because you said that
if i did not do so,

you would send me
to the russian front.

are you absolutely certain
the originals were in this safe?

positive, general.

all the others
are forgeries.

the colonel thinks
he has the van gogh,

but that too
is a forgery.

this is very serious,
especially for you, gruber.

you could find yourself
in vladivostok by next week.

this must be the work
of the resistance.

put a cordon
round the area,

erect road blocks,

arrest anyone who
is not in uniform.

the fire is out. we have
done our duty as fireman.

we will now climb
down the lidder and goo.

where is
the fire engine?

somebiddy has
droven it awoo.

it must be the gypsies.

guards!

arrest all gypsies
driving fire engines.

we will have
to wick home.

you are right,
gruber,

the resistance
must be behind this.

come to my office.

we will
instruct our patrols
to arrest anyone

not wearing
a german uniform.

those paintings
must be recovered.

rene, i have an idea.

if we give them
back the paintings,

they will let us go.

yes, in coffins.

if they capture us
dressed like this,

goodness knows
what they will do to us.

here, get that
fireman stuff off, quick.

put this on.
now.

( knocking )

have you
seen rene?

he has not
come back here.

i fear he is still
trapped in the chateau.

i will go at once
to the chateau.

i will knife the guards.
i will shoot the general.

i will blow up the chateau
and rescue him.

with you here,

we do not need
anyone else in the war.

someone is coming.

oh, it is probably him.

it is michelle,

with that british
idiot, crabtree.

we have just had
a very narrow squawk.

the plan has gone wrong.
my husband has not returned.

that is because
some idiot

put the smoke bomb
down the wrong chimney.

which one of you
was responsible?

i cannot say,
but it was not me.

it is i
who am to blame.

i am the one
who screwed it up.

if only i could
be with you, rene,

now, in your hour
of peril.

let us all say
a little prayer
for him.

all:
good luck, rene.

we are nearly there.

two german guards.

oh, heck.

behave like
a german officer.

how can i?

i have
no trousers on.

bend your knees.

your coat will
cover your boots.

- heil hitler
- heil hitler.

more germans
outside the cafe.

quick, into the back
of this lorrie.

- hee-aw.
- ack!

- here, get up here.
- ( panting )

oh, good evening.

you are probably wondering
why we are dressed

as german officers.

all german officers
dress this way.

you can drop
the french accent.

it does not fool us
for one moment.

put up your hands.

no, look,
y-- you--

you have got
the wrong idea.

we are french.

just go
into the little cafe
in there and ask.

cafe rene?!

we are the communist
resistance.

we would not set foot
in the cafe

of that
collaborator dog,

who entertains
the germans every night.

one day
we will kill him,

and hang his body
from a lamppost.

now do not
waste our time.
what is your name?

captain
von smittelhoffen.

that is better.

excuse me, please,

would you shoot also
rene's pianist?

of course.

oh,
( clearing throat )

herman von beckstein
at your service.

drive on.

halt!

drive on.

in rome is a wonderful life
for a soldier.

i walk down the street,
from every window,

flowers they fall
at my feet.

at every doorway,

they drag me inside
for the hugs,

and the kisses

and the hanky-panky.

this must make
the girls very jealous.

oh, colonel,

all the time
you laugh,

you pull the leg,
you take the mickey,

that's what i like about
all you krauts.

colonel,

lieutenant gruber
wishes to see you.

send him in.

( shouts )
come in here!

gruber, are you leaving?

colonel, i have
serious news.

don't tell me,
you just shot your tailor.

is okay,

he deserve it.

i have not shot my tailor.

don't tell me
the war is over?

my uniform
was stolen last night.

that's not
too serious, gruber.

one can always buy another.

clarence is even now
pressing my spare.

but i have even more
serious news.

however, it is not
for the ears of an itai.

i take the hint.

i go.

i chat up
the beautiful ladies.

i drive them mad.

( growls )

also stolen, from my safe,

was the painting of
the cracked vase with
the big daisies by van gogh.

never mind, the original
is here in my drawer.

they have also stolen
the portrait

of the fallen madonna
with the big boobies
by van clomp.

fortunately, gruber,

the original is in a sausage
in rene's pantry.

none of this
is very serious.

colonel, it appears
that lieutenant gruber,

in all our interests,

and not trusting drawers
or sausages,

has retained the originals
very securely in a safe
in his bedroom--

from which they
have been stolen.

with all this deception,

how do i know that you are
now telling the truth?

because if i do not
recover the originals

for general von klinkerhoffen

i will be sent
to the russian front.

gruber, would i be right
in thinking

you've been double-crossing us
with the general?

no, i had intended to
replace them with forgeries.

which you can still do.

i have one forgery here.

rene has the other.

but we still don't
have the originals,

to sell after the war,
to share between us.

that's all
very simple.

one person can sort
it all out for us.

rene.

rene has disappeared.

we have a problem.

rene, what are you
looking at?

while they were strapping you

to this infernal machine,

i tucked the paintings
up behind the beams.

can you see them from there?

no.

good.

let us hope the communists
cannot see them either.

what do you think they are
going to do to us, rene?

well, they hate germans.

they will probably
shoot us.

yes, if they find out
i am rene from the cafe

they will also shoot us.

we have got to get
out of here.

can you not wriggle out
of your bonds or something?

i am trying,
i am trying.

but i have an idea.

what?

i think i can
reach the saw.

if i can switch
on the motor,

maybe i can cut the bonds
that bind my wrists.

good, but be careful
not to cut yourself.

there is a red button,
and a green button.

well, press the green button.

green.

you see it works!
it works!

good.
go on.

go on.

i cannot reach the blade.

well, press that red button

and switch it off before
anybody hears us.

ah!

no!

no, switch it off!
switch it off!

i'm trying,

but i am losing
the feeling in my fingers.

what do you think
i am going to be losing?

press the button!

press the button!

- i am trying!
- press the button!

thank heaven.

now do not touch
anything else.

- ( loud bang )
- ah!

help!
help!

do not shout.
switch it off.

switch it off.
switch it off.

( loud bang )

ah!

please no!
switch--

the red button,
the--

monsieur leclerc,
monsieur--

ah, no.

ah!

so,

rather than talk to me

you are trying
to commit suicide.

it will not work,
my friend.

10 seconds later,

and nothing would
have worked.

you are one minute
late, helga.

what kept you?

there was a queue
at the chemist.

i had to kick several
french peasants quite severely

so that they would let
a lady go first.

here are your aspirins.
how is your head?

it is very painful.
it was struck a glancing blow

by a coat hanger.

fortunately von smallhausen

took the full blast
of the explosion.

oh!

i have spent several hours
with my gestapo tweezers

pulling small particles
of wardrobe

from his anatomy.
the sitting part.

may i make you a cup of tea?

- the kettle is
already singing.
- ( teapot whistling )

use the small pot
with the swastika
on the lid.

while you are performing
this simple task,

listen to what i say.

yes, herr flick.

i have analyzed
the situation.

question--

what was the explosive
doing in the wardrobe?

answer--

it was hidden there
in readiness

for the blowing up
of the fuhrer.

question--

who hid it?

answer--

i have not
the faintest idea.

but the finger of suspicion
points at gruber.

conclusion--
you, helga,

must get close to gruber,

and worm your way
into his confidence,

by becoming
his closest companion.

but he is not very keen
on women of the opposite sex.

you are talking to a man
who has just been blown out

of gruber's closet.

it is up to you
to play your part.

as you wish, herr flick.

indian or china?

i would prefer
lapsang souchong.

shut up.

( crying )

what are you both
crying about?

poor rene.

how can we carry on
without him?

his finger pressed
that very button

to open the till.

he wiped the bar
with this cloth.

shall i ever again
feel his arms around me?

we should light
a candle for him.

oh, that is a lovely idea.

but we cannot go
to church now,

it is opening time.

there are some candles here,
behind the bar.

let us each light one
to show how we remember him.

i light this candle
for rene,

to show how
i remember him.

i light this candle
for rene,

to show how
i remember him.

i light this candle
for rene,

to show how
i remember him.

how come you have
such a big one?

you have only been
here three weeks.

i remember him
very well.

here comes the colonel.

madame edith,
this is an official visit;

i must speak
to rene at once.

but he is not here.
you have captured him.

- oh, no, we haven't.
- oh, yes, you have!

he went to the chateau
to put out a fire--

he has not returned.

this is very serious.

coinciding with
rene's visit to the chateau

there are
paintings missing.

the original paintings.

not the painting
of the fallen madonna
with the big boobies?

the very same.

and "the cracked vase
with the big daisies."

it would appear
he has absconded
with them.

but we were all
to share in the proceeds

after the war.

i think he has
double-crossed you.

the rat!

we will help you
find him.

let us know the instant
you have any information.

- good morning, colonel.
- good morning, helga.

are you going
to buy me a drink,

you great big
hunk of man?

are you talking
to me?

you have an elegant
and nonchalant manner

which i find
most exciting.

oh? what are
you having?

a small port
and lemon.

my favorite drink.

do you have a light?

oh, um...

ah!

my favorite--
my favorite brand.

let us sit down
and see what else
we have in common.

oh, well--

i like berlin in june,
how about you?

i like a mozart tune,
how about you?

i am mad about
good books--

i cannot
get my fill.

and adolf hitler's looks?

they give me a chill.

psst! i must
speak with you.

quick, in the back room.

have you news
of rene?

listen very carefully,
i shall say this only once.

rene has been captured
by the communist resistance.

- no!
- yes.

they are led by
denise laroque.

she is a fanatic.

her group is the most
ruthless in france.

they hate everybody,

especially conservatives.

he was captured
wearing a german uniform

escaping from the chateau.
they think he is a nazi.

can you not tell them
that he is rene from the cafe?

yes, but rene from the cafe
is on their hit list

as a collaborator.

where are they
holding him?

they are hiding him
in the old saw-mill
east of nouvion.

we will storm the saw-mill
and rescue him.

yes, we will storm
the saw-mill

and rescue him.

how shall we storm
the saw-mill?

outside is gruber's
little tank.

we will steal it.

if necessary,
we will use the big gun

and blow them
to pieces.

but they are all
frenchman.

they are the wrong
frenchman.

- it is a good plan.
- go quickly.

are you not
coming with us?

i cannot.

i have a dinner party
for the rouen resistance.

the stew is in the oven.

right.

follow me.

( whistling )

hole hotler.

do you not
hole hotler?

me, i'm italiano.

do you not see
the cockerel feathers, huh?

well, in that case,
hole missolooni.

quick, no one is about.

quick, start up.

i cannot.

why not?
have you lost your nerve?

my feet will not
reach the pedals.

move over.

( tank engine starting )

helga,

i think my engine
is warming up.

it was my dearest wish
that this would happen.

my tank,
my little tank!

right! i'm ready.

hold tight.

there is obviously
no piss for the wicked.

( theme music playing )