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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,501 --> 00:00:03,832 Alpa chino! 2 00:00:03,936 --> 00:00:07,069 We're loaded I love the pussy, hell, yeah 3 00:00:07,172 --> 00:00:08,571 I love the pussy, hell, yeah 4 00:00:08,674 --> 00:00:11,336 I love that pussy dripping down to the floor, oh, no 5 00:00:11,443 --> 00:00:13,934 the wettest pussy, hell, yeah I love the pussy, hell, yeah 6 00:00:14,046 --> 00:00:17,140 I'm drinking up your Booty sweat and busting a nut 7 00:00:17,249 --> 00:00:19,012 alpa chino got that pussy control 8 00:00:19,118 --> 00:00:21,018 alpa chino's Booty sweat. 9 00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:22,553 Pop an ass open! 10 00:00:22,655 --> 00:00:26,147 Booty sweat and bust-a-nut bars available at concessions now. 11 00:00:30,262 --> 00:00:34,392 In 2013, when the earth's rotation came to a halt... 12 00:00:34,500 --> 00:00:38,061 The president has declared all of north America a disaster area. 13 00:00:38,170 --> 00:00:40,866 I call on my fellow Americans to come together... 14 00:00:40,973 --> 00:00:45,000 The world called on the one man who could make a difference. 15 00:00:49,048 --> 00:00:53,075 When it happened again, the world called on him once more. 16 00:00:54,486 --> 00:01:00,356 And no one saw it coming three more times! 17 00:01:02,895 --> 00:01:04,556 Now, 18 00:01:04,663 --> 00:01:08,599 the one man who made a difference five times before, 19 00:01:11,036 --> 00:01:15,405 is about to make a difference again. 20 00:01:16,141 --> 00:01:20,237 Only this time, it's different. 21 00:01:22,081 --> 00:01:23,708 Who left the fridge open? 22 00:01:25,150 --> 00:01:27,084 Tugg speedman. 23 00:01:27,186 --> 00:01:31,953 Scorcher vl: Global meltdown. 24 00:01:32,057 --> 00:01:33,820 Here we go again. 25 00:01:35,361 --> 00:01:36,361 Again. 26 00:01:44,970 --> 00:01:47,837 Will there be anything else? 27 00:01:47,940 --> 00:01:51,137 Yes, my dear man. More beans. 28 00:01:52,945 --> 00:01:55,106 Granny! 29 00:01:57,049 --> 00:01:58,209 Please! 30 00:01:58,317 --> 00:02:03,277 This summer, America's favorite obese family is back. 31 00:02:06,158 --> 00:02:07,716 Gross! 32 00:02:07,826 --> 00:02:09,851 - You're just mad 'cause I'm skinny. - Am not! 33 00:02:10,429 --> 00:02:11,919 Jeff portnoy. 34 00:02:12,598 --> 00:02:14,065 Jeff portnoy. 35 00:02:14,666 --> 00:02:16,156 Jeff portnoy. 36 00:02:16,268 --> 00:02:22,366 And Jeff portnoy are the fatties: Fart two. 37 00:02:22,474 --> 00:02:24,305 In some countries, 38 00:02:25,511 --> 00:02:27,138 it's considered a compliment. 39 00:02:27,246 --> 00:02:30,443 Letting loose this summer. 40 00:02:39,725 --> 00:02:45,459 In a time where to be different was to be condemned, 41 00:02:59,211 --> 00:03:03,910 and to be condemned was to die, 42 00:03:08,153 --> 00:03:12,214 one man chose to question his God. 43 00:03:16,195 --> 00:03:17,890 From fox searchlight, 44 00:03:26,738 --> 00:03:29,969 five-time academy award winner kirk Lazarus 45 00:03:31,076 --> 00:03:35,410 and mtv movie award best kiss winner tobey Maguire. 46 00:03:41,787 --> 00:03:46,315 Winner of the Beijing film festival's coveted crying monkey award, 47 00:03:47,526 --> 00:03:49,517 Satan's alley. 48 00:03:54,032 --> 00:03:56,557 I've been a bad, bad boy, father. 49 00:04:32,070 --> 00:04:34,868 In the winter of 1969, 50 00:04:34,973 --> 00:04:36,998 an elite force of the U.S. army 51 00:04:37,109 --> 00:04:41,978 was sent on a top-secret assignment in southeast Vietnam. 52 00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:44,844 The objective, rescue sergeant four leaf tayback 53 00:04:44,950 --> 00:04:48,010 from a heavily guarded nva prison camp. 54 00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:51,214 The mission was considered to be near suicide. 55 00:04:52,524 --> 00:04:55,823 Of the 10 men sent, four returned. 56 00:04:55,928 --> 00:04:59,364 Of those four, three wrote books about what happened. 57 00:04:59,464 --> 00:05:02,433 Of those three, two were published. 58 00:05:02,534 --> 00:05:06,698 Of those two, just one got a movie deal. 59 00:05:08,207 --> 00:05:13,440 This is the story of the men who attempted to make that movie. 60 00:05:24,256 --> 00:05:26,850 Whiskey fire old snake requests an lz prep 61 00:05:26,959 --> 00:05:29,519 at Alpha-delta-two-four-eight-niner, over. 62 00:05:34,833 --> 00:05:39,099 Floyd, this is lead. Right Echelon approach from rp to lz, acknowledge. 63 00:05:40,239 --> 00:05:42,002 Floyd, wall-eye airborne. Welcome aboard. 64 00:05:45,844 --> 00:05:47,573 All right, lead's going in. Give her some cover. 65 00:05:47,679 --> 00:05:50,512 Delivery on five. I repeat, delivery on five. 66 00:05:56,588 --> 00:05:58,886 This is zero-three. I'm on your six, don't worry. 67 00:05:59,224 --> 00:06:01,852 Chalk-three's taking fire. Guns right, guns right. 68 00:06:13,905 --> 00:06:16,032 Lay that shit down! 69 00:06:16,141 --> 00:06:17,438 Come on! 70 00:06:19,278 --> 00:06:21,576 Come on, you damn dirty heathens! 71 00:06:23,515 --> 00:06:25,710 Fats! Run your motherfucking ass over there, 72 00:06:25,817 --> 00:06:27,114 hold these men off, now! 73 00:06:27,219 --> 00:06:28,914 We're fixing to lift off! 74 00:06:29,021 --> 00:06:31,649 Put some pep in your step, dick! Jelly-ass bitch! 75 00:06:31,757 --> 00:06:35,056 Wall-eye, wall-eye, this is boomer one-seven in the zee! 76 00:06:35,894 --> 00:06:39,295 I need fast movers on my yankee smoke, copy? 77 00:06:39,398 --> 00:06:41,764 Boomer, this is wall-eye. I got two-Alpha-four 78 00:06:41,867 --> 00:06:44,097 - snake and nape on the ready! - Oh, Jesus! Holy shit! 79 00:06:44,202 --> 00:06:45,362 Holy shit! 80 00:06:45,470 --> 00:06:47,267 Get on that horn and get some firepower, boy! 81 00:06:47,372 --> 00:06:48,372 Jesus Christ! 82 00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:49,532 Listen, you cherry fuck, 83 00:06:49,641 --> 00:06:53,133 you call in that snake and nape and get us some boom-boom now! 84 00:06:53,245 --> 00:06:55,713 I'd do it myself but I'm kind of goddamn busy! 85 00:06:55,814 --> 00:06:57,179 I need an answer, boomer! 86 00:06:57,282 --> 00:06:58,977 Wall-eye, wall-eye! 87 00:06:59,418 --> 00:07:00,783 I copy! 88 00:07:01,019 --> 00:07:03,317 We got beaucoup zips in the zee. 89 00:07:03,422 --> 00:07:04,912 Rock and roll! 90 00:07:05,290 --> 00:07:06,780 What the fuck? 91 00:07:18,737 --> 00:07:21,171 That's for Brooklyn, motherfucker! 92 00:07:21,273 --> 00:07:23,207 I think I can put it back in! 93 00:07:23,308 --> 00:07:25,071 We got to get back to the bird. 94 00:07:25,177 --> 00:07:26,269 Lukemeyer's got popped! 95 00:07:26,378 --> 00:07:29,313 This is the last Christmas I spend with Victor Charlie up my ass! 96 00:07:29,481 --> 00:07:32,177 Want some? Get some! 97 00:07:32,617 --> 00:07:35,450 Hey, yo, fats! I ain't seen four leaf! 98 00:07:35,554 --> 00:07:38,750 Don't count him out! That bastard's got luck tattooed to his ass! 99 00:07:38,890 --> 00:07:41,882 Motown, get your Detroit jukebox jheri curl ass 100 00:07:41,993 --> 00:07:44,223 in this chickenshit chop-chop! Asafp! 101 00:07:44,329 --> 00:07:46,209 Four leaf is still outside the perimeter, sarge! 102 00:07:46,264 --> 00:07:49,290 Miss me with that cracker chump jive! We di di mau! We di di mau! 103 00:07:49,434 --> 00:07:51,061 Come on, sarge. Stop jiving. Four leaf is there. 104 00:07:51,169 --> 00:07:52,864 Dead meat, soldier! 105 00:07:53,071 --> 00:07:54,971 Or do you want to be a hero? 106 00:07:55,073 --> 00:07:57,073 That's just how Brooks got his Jew ass killed, man. 107 00:07:57,075 --> 00:07:59,771 And meatball's dago ass bought the six-by-three farm. 108 00:07:59,878 --> 00:08:03,575 Now get your ass up in the huey, before I stomp a trench in your hiney hole! 109 00:08:05,183 --> 00:08:06,582 Come on, get down, get down! 110 00:08:06,685 --> 00:08:08,710 What am I looking at? What is this? 111 00:08:09,621 --> 00:08:13,580 Come on, let's get, let's go! Come on, elevator up, up! 112 00:08:13,692 --> 00:08:16,217 Sarge. It's four leaf. 113 00:08:28,507 --> 00:08:29,565 No! 114 00:08:31,910 --> 00:08:33,434 You get out of that hole! 115 00:08:45,490 --> 00:08:47,355 You make it home, now. 116 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:56,062 Survive! 117 00:09:10,849 --> 00:09:12,874 I hope y'all like hamburger meat. 118 00:09:12,984 --> 00:09:15,064 'Cause that's exactly what I'm gonna be bringing back 119 00:09:15,153 --> 00:09:17,178 and serving up in this whirly bird. 120 00:09:17,289 --> 00:09:19,780 Cover me, you limp dick fuckups! 121 00:09:25,430 --> 00:09:28,661 Peek-a-boo! I see you! 122 00:09:30,702 --> 00:09:32,431 Hold on, four leaf! 123 00:09:35,073 --> 00:09:36,404 Oh, shit! 124 00:09:44,216 --> 00:09:45,706 Watch my right! 125 00:09:48,487 --> 00:09:50,455 Fuck you, Charlie! 126 00:09:55,427 --> 00:09:57,691 Come on, leaf, let's boogie! 127 00:10:04,870 --> 00:10:07,730 No! 128 00:10:10,909 --> 00:10:13,002 - Fats! - Holy fuck! 129 00:10:14,279 --> 00:10:16,839 Take us over to those men! Shit! 130 00:10:21,319 --> 00:10:24,288 Look at you, man. Playing with grenades. 131 00:10:27,792 --> 00:10:29,054 I'm cold, Linc. 132 00:10:31,096 --> 00:10:32,927 I can't feel my legs. 133 00:10:34,065 --> 00:10:36,056 Ain't nothing but a thang. 134 00:10:39,638 --> 00:10:40,969 Hey, Linc. 135 00:10:41,940 --> 00:10:43,305 What, man? 136 00:10:44,543 --> 00:10:46,636 Why does man 137 00:10:46,745 --> 00:10:49,680 got to pick up sticks against another man? 138 00:10:51,883 --> 00:10:54,181 Instead of using them sticks to 139 00:10:55,554 --> 00:10:57,146 prop a man up? 140 00:10:57,255 --> 00:10:58,882 I'll never know. 141 00:11:00,191 --> 00:11:04,358 Hold my hands, 'cause I got something to... 142 00:11:04,462 --> 00:11:06,327 I got something to say. 143 00:11:07,732 --> 00:11:09,393 Oh, boy. 144 00:11:13,538 --> 00:11:16,234 - You holding 'em? - I got 'em tight. 145 00:11:18,977 --> 00:11:20,638 When we get back to the world, 146 00:11:21,112 --> 00:11:25,276 we gonna put together that three-piece combo band we talked about? 147 00:11:25,383 --> 00:11:28,375 - Me on stand-up bass. - Johnny on drums. 148 00:11:29,854 --> 00:11:31,981 And me tickling the ivories. 149 00:11:34,092 --> 00:11:37,357 I ain't never been worth a nothing in this life, 150 00:11:37,462 --> 00:11:40,226 but I want you to know something. 151 00:11:41,299 --> 00:11:42,596 What, man? 152 00:11:44,502 --> 00:11:45,799 You are my... 153 00:11:47,305 --> 00:11:49,000 You are my brother. 154 00:12:01,987 --> 00:12:07,015 You are my brother. You are my... you are my... 155 00:12:07,192 --> 00:12:08,819 I am your brother. 156 00:12:12,330 --> 00:12:14,059 I'm sorry. Could we cut? 157 00:12:14,165 --> 00:12:15,766 - What's he saying? - Damien, can we cut? 158 00:12:15,767 --> 00:12:17,428 - No. No, no, no, no, no... - All right, you know what? 159 00:12:17,535 --> 00:12:20,527 We got the jets coming in, big explosion, two minutes. 160 00:12:20,639 --> 00:12:21,731 Still rolling. 161 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:23,467 You know what? No, not still rolling. Can we cut? 162 00:12:23,575 --> 00:12:25,236 - We're cutting. - No, we're not. Get out! 163 00:12:25,343 --> 00:12:27,343 Hey, what's going on? For real, my butt is hurting! 164 00:12:27,412 --> 00:12:29,539 This harness is riding up my crack! 165 00:12:29,648 --> 00:12:32,116 - Damien, are we cutting? - No! No! Still rolling! 166 00:12:32,217 --> 00:12:34,344 Mr. cockburn! Are we cutting, sir? 167 00:12:34,452 --> 00:12:37,615 No! No. I'm not cutting! We're still rolling! 168 00:12:37,722 --> 00:12:38,780 Damien, what's the dealy, dude? 169 00:12:38,890 --> 00:12:40,687 Are we gonna blow this tree line or what? 170 00:12:40,792 --> 00:12:42,353 Tuk tuk and Kim got the blue balls here. 171 00:12:42,460 --> 00:12:43,688 I'm gonna let them squirt if we're a go! 172 00:12:43,795 --> 00:12:46,115 - Play it through. Still rolling! - Dieter, can he hear me? 173 00:12:46,131 --> 00:12:48,691 That's c-4, dipshit. Put that back. I said a detonator. 174 00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,166 I need some dudes up here who speak American, God damn it! 175 00:12:51,269 --> 00:12:52,830 He's making a fucking sweater back here. 176 00:12:52,837 --> 00:12:55,169 I'm trying to put tiger balm on this jungle's nuts. 177 00:12:55,273 --> 00:12:56,433 Everyone, please shut up. 178 00:12:56,541 --> 00:12:58,742 The jets are coming in. We only have one chance at this! 179 00:12:58,810 --> 00:13:00,209 And go! 180 00:13:00,311 --> 00:13:02,609 Let's do it. You feel it? You feel me? 181 00:13:03,615 --> 00:13:05,981 - You are my... - I am your brother. 182 00:13:06,451 --> 00:13:08,316 We've seen it all, man. 183 00:13:09,054 --> 00:13:10,054 I'm sorry, Damien? 184 00:13:10,155 --> 00:13:11,452 Are you seeing that? 185 00:13:11,556 --> 00:13:13,956 The little froggy on the boom Mike? It's right in my eyeline. 186 00:13:15,860 --> 00:13:17,555 Donny! What's up, man? 187 00:13:18,229 --> 00:13:19,196 It's been there the whole show. 188 00:13:19,330 --> 00:13:20,354 Yeah, well it's right in my face, 189 00:13:20,465 --> 00:13:21,454 I'm staring at a frog, I'm trying to feel... 190 00:13:21,566 --> 00:13:24,126 It's always the yellow frog that brings them black frog on Fridays, man. 191 00:13:24,235 --> 00:13:25,930 Hell, no, I didn't pee on that girl. 192 00:13:26,037 --> 00:13:28,130 No, I didn't pee on her, listen, listen, listen, listen. No, no. 193 00:13:28,239 --> 00:13:30,764 The story is this. She was in the way when I was peeing, she walked past. 194 00:13:30,875 --> 00:13:33,241 What the fuck is going on here? 195 00:13:33,344 --> 00:13:35,505 On three, baby. One, two, breathe. 196 00:13:35,613 --> 00:13:38,138 Look, do me a favor. I don't want to do a countdown before I do the scene. 197 00:13:38,249 --> 00:13:39,307 - No countdown? - No countdown. 198 00:13:39,417 --> 00:13:40,611 - Okay. - Can we just do it off of "action"? 199 00:13:40,719 --> 00:13:42,277 Just... in your own time. 200 00:13:42,387 --> 00:13:44,184 - Good... - I'm not a rocket ship, okay? 201 00:13:44,289 --> 00:13:45,916 - All right, dude. - And action! 202 00:13:46,024 --> 00:13:48,959 Whatever floats your boat, baby. Fuck! Don't die! 203 00:13:49,060 --> 00:13:51,494 Erika, get me a vitaminwater! 204 00:13:51,596 --> 00:13:53,157 You know what it is, Damien? I'm sorry. 205 00:13:53,164 --> 00:13:57,567 Not to get into his thing, but if I'm crying, should osiris be crying, too? 206 00:13:57,669 --> 00:13:59,569 - No, it's everyone cry... - We cutting or we crying? 207 00:13:59,671 --> 00:14:01,002 - No, no, no, we're crying! - Just call it, man! 208 00:14:01,106 --> 00:14:03,233 - Kirk, you can cry. Tugg, you can cry. - Thanks! 209 00:14:03,341 --> 00:14:05,070 - Everybody cry... - You know what? 210 00:14:05,176 --> 00:14:07,144 - You see how agitated he is now? - I know. 211 00:14:07,245 --> 00:14:09,725 - Let's make lemonade. Let's go to work. - Okay. Still rolling! 212 00:14:10,081 --> 00:14:12,743 This is falcon one. We have the Ridge in sight, approximately two Miles out. 213 00:14:12,851 --> 00:14:15,115 Dieter, these jets are about to crest this Ridge line. 214 00:14:15,220 --> 00:14:17,154 They got about 200 pounds of shit your pants. 215 00:14:17,255 --> 00:14:18,695 I need to know if we're ready to go. 216 00:14:21,059 --> 00:14:23,357 - You're my... you're my... - I am your... 217 00:14:23,461 --> 00:14:26,919 See, that's what I think it is, Damien. I think it's the line. 218 00:14:27,031 --> 00:14:28,055 Yeah? 219 00:14:28,166 --> 00:14:30,031 I don't know if four leaf would say that... four leaf? 220 00:14:30,135 --> 00:14:32,467 Were you crying when your hands blew up? 221 00:14:32,570 --> 00:14:34,197 No. See, he didn't. Yeah, I mean, just that's what... 222 00:14:34,305 --> 00:14:35,863 So now we in re-writes, right? 223 00:14:35,974 --> 00:14:37,100 - Where you going? - Let's re-write it! 224 00:14:37,208 --> 00:14:39,369 Action Jackson can't cry. That's what's going down. 225 00:14:39,477 --> 00:14:41,445 You know what, kirk? I'm ready to do the scene! 226 00:14:41,546 --> 00:14:45,107 What scene? The scene is about emotionality. Where is it? 227 00:14:45,216 --> 00:14:46,808 - Now it's time to flip the script! - Kirk... 228 00:14:46,918 --> 00:14:49,119 Be here till Chinese new year waiting for my man to cry. 229 00:14:49,287 --> 00:14:51,255 You're tangling me, you're fucking tangling me. 230 00:14:51,356 --> 00:14:52,636 You're tangling me, God damn it! 231 00:14:52,657 --> 00:14:55,490 - Kirk, no! - Stop tailgating me, you pasty tea bag! 232 00:14:55,593 --> 00:14:57,390 I'm going potty. You want to hold my dick? 233 00:14:57,862 --> 00:15:00,626 Shit! What are you fucking both doing, good lord! 234 00:15:00,799 --> 00:15:03,324 We're getting this in a wide shot, right? 235 00:15:03,434 --> 00:15:04,958 Of course we're getting it in a fucking wide. 236 00:15:05,069 --> 00:15:06,093 What, do you think I'm a dick or something? 237 00:15:06,204 --> 00:15:09,339 Get that fucking food... Here they come! 238 00:15:10,441 --> 00:15:12,841 - The planes are inbound! - Shit! Shit! 239 00:15:12,944 --> 00:15:17,847 Shit, shit, cocksucker, bollocks. Tropic tits! 240 00:15:17,949 --> 00:15:20,918 That's the signal! Go, go, go, go, go! 241 00:15:21,019 --> 00:15:23,078 Let's go freaking tet here! 242 00:15:23,188 --> 00:15:25,179 Goddamn shit-picking cock! 243 00:15:27,292 --> 00:15:28,884 That's my shit! 244 00:15:34,432 --> 00:15:37,367 Mother nature just pissed her pantsuit! 245 00:15:45,243 --> 00:15:46,471 - Sweet. - Oh, mama! 246 00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:51,544 Bungle in the jungle. 247 00:15:51,649 --> 00:15:54,743 More bad news from the vietnamese set of tropic thunder, 248 00:15:54,853 --> 00:15:58,584 where a $4 million explosion charred the Asian location 249 00:15:58,690 --> 00:16:00,658 and the camera wasn't even rolling. 250 00:16:00,758 --> 00:16:03,420 Financed by hotheaded mega-mogul les Grossman, 251 00:16:03,528 --> 00:16:06,622 the film is already rumored to be one month behind schedule 252 00:16:06,731 --> 00:16:09,598 just five days into shooting. The reason? 253 00:16:09,701 --> 00:16:12,636 Fingers are pointed at rookie director Damien cockburn, 254 00:16:12,737 --> 00:16:15,831 who, insiders say, can't control a star-studded cast, 255 00:16:15,940 --> 00:16:20,639 including flatulent star of the popular fatties franchise, Jeff portnoy. 256 00:16:20,745 --> 00:16:23,270 Let me tell you something. A lot of people are disrespecting me. 257 00:16:23,381 --> 00:16:27,112 They say that the movie's just about farts. It's about family, 258 00:16:27,218 --> 00:16:30,312 and... you! You can't do what I do. 259 00:16:30,421 --> 00:16:34,653 Fresh from his most recent arrest for heroin, glue and crack possession, 260 00:16:34,759 --> 00:16:37,125 portnoy was almost uninsurable. 261 00:16:37,228 --> 00:16:41,562 Also in the mix is Booty sweat-hocking hip-hop hyphenate alpa chino. 262 00:16:41,666 --> 00:16:44,157 I'm so excited, you know what I'm saying, about doing tropic thunder. 263 00:16:44,269 --> 00:16:46,430 Hey, drink Booty sweat, baby. Drink Booty sweat. 264 00:16:46,537 --> 00:16:48,198 But the real heavyweight on the set 265 00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:49,217 is five-time academy award winner kirk Lazarus. 266 00:16:49,241 --> 00:16:51,082 Is five-time academy award winner kirk Lazarus. 267 00:16:51,109 --> 00:16:54,840 The brilliant Australian known for his bad boy antics off-screen 268 00:16:54,946 --> 00:16:58,541 is famous for his total immersion into any role he portrays. 269 00:16:58,650 --> 00:16:59,947 Well, being an actor is no different 270 00:17:00,051 --> 00:17:02,246 than being a rugby player or a construction worker, 271 00:17:02,353 --> 00:17:03,479 save for the fact that my tools 272 00:17:03,588 --> 00:17:05,647 are the mechanisms that trigger human emotion. 273 00:17:05,757 --> 00:17:07,816 Lazarus underwent a controversial 274 00:17:07,926 --> 00:17:10,918 pigmentation alteration procedure in order to play 275 00:17:11,029 --> 00:17:14,123 the platoon's African-American sergeant, Lincoln osiris. 276 00:17:14,232 --> 00:17:15,665 Yeah! 277 00:17:15,767 --> 00:17:17,632 Trying to hold his own onscreen with kirk 278 00:17:17,735 --> 00:17:19,862 is action juggernaut tugg speedman. 279 00:17:19,971 --> 00:17:22,769 Once the highest grossing star in the world, 280 00:17:22,874 --> 00:17:25,934 lately his scorcher films have lost their heat. 281 00:17:26,044 --> 00:17:28,638 Recently, speedman opened up to Tyra. 282 00:17:28,746 --> 00:17:30,680 You have no real family. 283 00:17:30,782 --> 00:17:35,219 You're on the wrong side of 40. You're childless and alone. 284 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:37,015 Somebody close to you said, 285 00:17:37,121 --> 00:17:39,919 "one more flop and it's over." 286 00:17:42,026 --> 00:17:44,119 Somebody said they were close to me? 287 00:17:45,063 --> 00:17:46,189 It's been a tough year for tugg. 288 00:17:46,297 --> 00:17:49,061 The disappointing buddy comedy chitlin' & the dude 289 00:17:49,167 --> 00:17:53,831 was followed by an ill-advised venture into serious dramatic territory. 290 00:17:53,938 --> 00:17:55,030 Simple Jack, 291 00:17:55,139 --> 00:17:58,870 the story of a mentally impaired farmhand who can talk to animals, 292 00:17:58,977 --> 00:18:00,842 was a box office disaster 293 00:18:00,945 --> 00:18:05,541 that many critics called, "one of the worst movies of all time." 294 00:18:05,650 --> 00:18:09,279 I ain't got a good brain. 295 00:18:10,288 --> 00:18:13,189 I think you've got a fine brain, Jack. 296 00:18:13,291 --> 00:18:18,456 You make me happy. 297 00:18:19,998 --> 00:18:24,435 But now the question is, can speedman make audiences happy 298 00:18:24,535 --> 00:18:26,298 in what's being called the most expensive 299 00:18:26,404 --> 00:18:28,668 - war movie never made? - Rick peck. 300 00:18:28,773 --> 00:18:30,293 Wishing tugg all the best on that one. 301 00:18:30,375 --> 00:18:34,709 Rum-tum-tuggernauts, it's the pecker. You got time for your agent? 302 00:18:34,812 --> 00:18:36,074 - Rick? - Hey, buddy, 303 00:18:36,180 --> 00:18:37,738 guess who I'm staring at right now. 304 00:18:37,849 --> 00:18:39,510 - What? - I'm looking at your ugly mug 305 00:18:39,617 --> 00:18:41,915 on the back cover of vanity fair magazine, 306 00:18:42,020 --> 00:18:44,454 holding a cute, cuddly panda from cutesville. 307 00:18:44,555 --> 00:18:47,149 It is insane, bro. You are a rock star. 308 00:18:47,258 --> 00:18:49,852 Hey, did you get the gift basket I sent? 309 00:18:49,961 --> 00:18:50,985 From Rick. 310 00:18:51,095 --> 00:18:53,188 Yeah. Yeah. It's cool, man. Thanks. 311 00:18:53,297 --> 00:18:55,857 All right, that is a real satellite phone, bro. 312 00:18:55,967 --> 00:18:57,559 Do not re-gift. 313 00:18:57,668 --> 00:19:00,159 Hey. You see that access Hollywood piece? 314 00:19:00,271 --> 00:19:03,206 Yeah, I did. It was like pistol-whipping a blind kid. 315 00:19:03,307 --> 00:19:07,744 I mean, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, tugg. You are a huge star, all right? 316 00:19:07,845 --> 00:19:09,312 But right now, 317 00:19:09,414 --> 00:19:10,972 you're like that kid on the playground, you know, 318 00:19:11,082 --> 00:19:14,051 the one who has lice that none of the other kids want to play with? 319 00:19:14,152 --> 00:19:16,232 - What do you mean? - I mean we gotta shave your head 320 00:19:16,254 --> 00:19:18,722 and get you back on the monkey bars, right? 321 00:19:18,823 --> 00:19:20,154 What? 322 00:19:20,258 --> 00:19:22,123 How did the crying scene go? 323 00:19:22,226 --> 00:19:23,989 Horrible. Lazarus started crying. 324 00:19:24,095 --> 00:19:27,258 Then he starts drooling and dribbling, and it wasn't even in the script... 325 00:19:27,365 --> 00:19:28,457 Stop right there! 326 00:19:28,566 --> 00:19:30,295 You gotta buck up here, tuggboat. 327 00:19:30,401 --> 00:19:33,097 Who cares how much more talented he may be than you? 328 00:19:33,204 --> 00:19:36,571 If he cries, you cry harder, man. 329 00:19:36,674 --> 00:19:38,835 Didn't your dog have, like, leukemia or something 330 00:19:38,943 --> 00:19:40,308 when you were a kid? I mean, think of that. 331 00:19:40,411 --> 00:19:44,177 Boom! End of story. They hook up the TiVo yet? 332 00:19:44,282 --> 00:19:45,544 Good gosh. 333 00:19:45,650 --> 00:19:47,481 - What? - The TiVo, they hook it up? 334 00:19:47,585 --> 00:19:49,849 - No. The guy didn't come. - What? 335 00:19:49,954 --> 00:19:52,548 For fuck's sake, that is unacceptable. 336 00:19:52,657 --> 00:19:54,557 They have digital cable, but, I mean, it's okay. 337 00:19:54,659 --> 00:19:56,889 No, no, no. Come on, man. It's not okay. 338 00:19:56,994 --> 00:19:59,121 It is not okay, tugg! 339 00:19:59,230 --> 00:20:02,358 And you don't need to explain to me why you need TiVo 340 00:20:02,467 --> 00:20:06,403 or clean water, clean sheets, food, shelter. 341 00:20:06,504 --> 00:20:09,598 I mean, I fought for that in your contract. 342 00:20:09,707 --> 00:20:11,766 How's the adoption thing coming, buddy? 343 00:20:11,876 --> 00:20:13,901 Not too great. 344 00:20:17,148 --> 00:20:19,844 I feel like all the good ones are gone. 345 00:20:21,519 --> 00:20:23,817 Well, at least you get to choose yours. 346 00:20:23,921 --> 00:20:25,752 I'm stuck with mine. 347 00:20:27,658 --> 00:20:30,183 Tell you what, get back to work, genius soldier. 348 00:20:30,294 --> 00:20:33,161 The pecker's on a TiVo mission for the y-o-u. 349 00:20:33,264 --> 00:20:35,027 Work on those tears, my man. 350 00:20:35,133 --> 00:20:36,225 All right. Yeah. 351 00:20:36,334 --> 00:20:37,892 Say it for me one time. 352 00:20:38,002 --> 00:20:42,268 - You make me happy. - Make me happy. 353 00:20:42,373 --> 00:20:43,965 - I love you, buddy. - All right, bye. 354 00:20:44,876 --> 00:20:46,867 Crisis meeting? What does that mean, exactly? 355 00:20:46,978 --> 00:20:48,639 I mean, are we in a crisis? 356 00:20:48,746 --> 00:20:50,270 He's the head of the studio. 357 00:20:50,381 --> 00:20:52,747 He's reaching out. We're 10,000 Miles away. 358 00:20:52,850 --> 00:20:53,942 He just wants a little face-time. 359 00:20:54,051 --> 00:20:56,732 I know, it's just you said that he called it a crisis meeting. So... 360 00:20:56,754 --> 00:20:59,154 It's les Grossman. He throws these words around. 361 00:20:59,257 --> 00:21:03,660 "Crisis," "explosion," "not rolling," "fired." 362 00:21:03,761 --> 00:21:05,092 These are just words. 363 00:21:05,196 --> 00:21:07,289 Yeah! Yeah! 364 00:21:07,398 --> 00:21:10,697 Keep a secret? A camera truck in London just plowed into judi dench. 365 00:21:10,801 --> 00:21:11,927 Trust me, he's got bigger problems. 366 00:21:12,036 --> 00:21:14,504 Look, he may be able to see me, but I can't see him. 367 00:21:14,605 --> 00:21:19,133 - Move! Move! Hello, les! Hello! - Get your ass out of my... 368 00:21:19,243 --> 00:21:20,676 - Your feet were on my desk. - Can he see us? 369 00:21:20,778 --> 00:21:22,109 I don't know why we don't have... 370 00:21:22,213 --> 00:21:24,374 Get him a diet coke. Les! It's working! 371 00:21:24,482 --> 00:21:26,973 Yeah, whatever you're doing right there. Hello, les! 372 00:21:27,084 --> 00:21:28,483 - Hello, les! - Okay. 373 00:21:28,586 --> 00:21:30,645 We got you loud and clear here, les. 374 00:21:30,755 --> 00:21:34,452 I see you. I see you. I see you. 375 00:21:34,559 --> 00:21:37,687 Which one of you fuckfaces is Damien cockburn? 376 00:21:38,696 --> 00:21:40,220 That's me, sir. 377 00:21:40,331 --> 00:21:43,858 It's good to finally meet you at last, get some face-time. 378 00:21:43,968 --> 00:21:47,927 And who here is the key grip? You? You. 379 00:21:49,941 --> 00:21:53,399 Hit that director in the face, really fucking hard. 380 00:22:00,284 --> 00:22:01,615 Sorry, man. 381 00:22:08,125 --> 00:22:11,026 This is your fault, you limey fuck! 382 00:22:11,128 --> 00:22:12,993 You shit the money-bed, my friend. 383 00:22:13,097 --> 00:22:15,622 - What? - God damn it, Damien! 384 00:22:15,733 --> 00:22:18,827 With all due respect, les Grossman did not blow up the jungle. 385 00:22:18,936 --> 00:22:20,028 - What? - Fuck the jungle. 386 00:22:20,137 --> 00:22:21,468 Exactly! 387 00:22:22,173 --> 00:22:23,640 Come on, man. 388 00:22:24,375 --> 00:22:27,105 Hey, les, I understand if you're angry, 389 00:22:27,211 --> 00:22:29,202 but I am dealing with a bunch of prima Donnas! 390 00:22:29,313 --> 00:22:32,805 Clowns! Tugg speedman, he can't cry! He can't cry! 391 00:22:32,917 --> 00:22:35,317 You know how you handle an actor? They whine about anything, 392 00:22:35,419 --> 00:22:38,718 you pull down their pants and you spank their ass. 393 00:22:38,823 --> 00:22:41,018 - You spank that ass, les. - What? 394 00:22:41,125 --> 00:22:44,891 Spanking a child turns him into a little snot. 395 00:22:45,763 --> 00:22:48,664 Fear makes him a man. 396 00:22:49,700 --> 00:22:54,296 I know a place where a man's worth is measured 397 00:22:54,405 --> 00:22:58,205 in the ears hanging from his dog tags. 398 00:22:58,309 --> 00:23:01,039 The real deep shit. 399 00:23:01,145 --> 00:23:03,739 You wanna make this movie right? 400 00:23:03,848 --> 00:23:07,340 That's where you take your pansy-ass actors. 401 00:23:08,919 --> 00:23:10,784 Who is this guy? 402 00:23:10,888 --> 00:23:12,788 Les, that's four leaf. 403 00:23:12,890 --> 00:23:16,189 Sergeant four leaf tayback. I wrote the book. 404 00:23:18,396 --> 00:23:22,457 You're a great American. This nation owes you a huge debt. 405 00:23:22,566 --> 00:23:25,535 Now shut the fuck up and let me do my job! 406 00:23:26,404 --> 00:23:27,871 - Look, cockburn. - Yes. 407 00:23:27,972 --> 00:23:31,999 From now on, my fist is gonna be so far up your shithole 408 00:23:32,109 --> 00:23:33,509 that every time you have a thought, 409 00:23:33,577 --> 00:23:36,603 it's gonna have to tiptoe past my wedding ring. 410 00:23:36,714 --> 00:23:40,241 Take control of your actors, or I will shut you down. 411 00:23:40,351 --> 00:23:41,443 Diet coke! 412 00:23:59,203 --> 00:24:01,398 One week down, two weeks behind, 413 00:24:01,505 --> 00:24:05,305 gi Joe can't cry, don't matter 'cause you ain't got the camera turned on anyway. 414 00:24:05,409 --> 00:24:06,808 Let's party! 415 00:24:07,745 --> 00:24:09,645 Man, you better get your shit straight, 416 00:24:09,747 --> 00:24:12,614 or I'll be on the next netjet out of here, baby. You feel me? 417 00:24:13,484 --> 00:24:14,484 - You feel that? - Yeah. 418 00:24:14,552 --> 00:24:17,077 Here comes another. There we go. Now what? 419 00:24:17,455 --> 00:24:19,787 - Sandusky. Good. - Hey, Mr. cockburn. 420 00:24:19,890 --> 00:24:21,755 We need to have a cast meeting right now. 421 00:24:21,859 --> 00:24:23,156 - Right now? Awesome. - Yes. 422 00:24:23,260 --> 00:24:24,454 You actually care, don't you? 423 00:24:24,562 --> 00:24:27,156 Yeah, it's a huge deal for me, are you kidding? 424 00:24:27,264 --> 00:24:29,232 I've spent the past two years of my life 425 00:24:29,333 --> 00:24:33,030 living off residuals from a anti-herpes medication commercial. 426 00:24:33,137 --> 00:24:34,297 I know, you're the only one who auditioned, 427 00:24:34,405 --> 00:24:35,963 the only one who did the two-week boot camp. 428 00:24:36,073 --> 00:24:37,734 Hey, hey, alpa. 429 00:24:38,442 --> 00:24:40,910 I'm the director. He's... I need to speak to my actor. 430 00:24:41,011 --> 00:24:42,239 All right, hold up. Chino? 431 00:24:42,346 --> 00:24:44,109 What? Hell, yo. What's up, baby? 432 00:24:45,049 --> 00:24:46,539 This about the Booty sweat cross-promotion? 433 00:24:46,650 --> 00:24:47,674 No, it's about the film. 434 00:24:47,785 --> 00:24:49,776 Oh, the film and Booty sweat's the same thing. Give him a shot. 435 00:24:50,154 --> 00:24:52,281 Hey, how you doing, Jeff? 436 00:24:52,390 --> 00:24:55,848 - Who are you? - That's awesome, man. 437 00:24:58,129 --> 00:25:02,862 Kevin. Kevin sandusky. I play Brooklyn, we've been working together. 438 00:25:02,967 --> 00:25:04,559 Oh, right, right. I like you. 439 00:25:04,668 --> 00:25:06,636 Man, it's a real honor to be here... 440 00:25:06,737 --> 00:25:08,034 I can tell it's gonna be a good experience. 441 00:25:08,139 --> 00:25:09,339 I'm really having a good time. 442 00:25:09,373 --> 00:25:11,000 Hey, can you help me out, man? I'm looking for this guy. 443 00:25:11,108 --> 00:25:15,272 The grip with the bandana. He's got a package for me. 444 00:25:15,746 --> 00:25:18,146 There he is, fucker. Dragon! 445 00:25:19,250 --> 00:25:21,081 What the fuck? Oh, buddy! 446 00:25:21,218 --> 00:25:22,583 I'm gonna go shoot a video, right? 447 00:25:22,686 --> 00:25:24,813 I'm gonna have v.C. Soldiers in the video 448 00:25:24,922 --> 00:25:26,219 doing the noodle-legs, Damien. 449 00:25:26,323 --> 00:25:30,692 Hell, yeah, do it. V.C. Soldiers doing the hip-hop bunny hop, Damien. 450 00:25:30,928 --> 00:25:32,688 It's good, I love it, great. But I need to... 451 00:25:32,696 --> 00:25:35,688 V.C. Soldiers doing the seizure, baby. Hit it, baby. 452 00:25:35,833 --> 00:25:37,494 Hell yeah, get it. Get it, cornbread. 453 00:25:39,670 --> 00:25:40,830 Alpa! 454 00:25:40,938 --> 00:25:42,418 Yo, check it out. Donny on the phone. 455 00:25:42,473 --> 00:25:43,473 Hello? Yo, yo, Donny! 456 00:25:43,541 --> 00:25:45,661 Can we call him back? I've got to have a cast meeting. 457 00:25:49,146 --> 00:25:51,478 When we put aside our differences, 458 00:25:51,582 --> 00:25:54,449 we see we're kind of the same. 459 00:25:55,352 --> 00:25:58,879 When we put aside our differences, we see 460 00:26:00,558 --> 00:26:02,423 we're kind of the same. 461 00:26:03,194 --> 00:26:04,991 Let's be friends. 462 00:26:05,296 --> 00:26:07,924 I know we can do great things together. 463 00:26:10,034 --> 00:26:13,800 That's a quotation from a children's book I co-wrote, 464 00:26:14,572 --> 00:26:16,699 the boy everybody was jealous of. 465 00:26:16,807 --> 00:26:18,536 I think it pertains to the journey... 466 00:26:18,642 --> 00:26:19,973 Simple Jack sucked ass! 467 00:26:21,045 --> 00:26:23,445 All right, who said that? It's not funny. 468 00:26:23,547 --> 00:26:25,310 Whoever it is, it's not funny, okay? 469 00:26:32,623 --> 00:26:35,319 When the herd loses its way, 470 00:26:35,426 --> 00:26:39,863 the Shepherd must kill the bull that leads them astray. 471 00:26:41,699 --> 00:26:44,964 - Four leaf? - Come on over. It's okay. 472 00:26:46,637 --> 00:26:48,127 - Sit down. - Yes. 473 00:26:49,540 --> 00:26:54,637 - So, you don't like the hotel? - Beds give me nightmares. 474 00:26:59,683 --> 00:27:04,882 I'm guessing right about now you couldn't find a Dixie coonskin 475 00:27:04,989 --> 00:27:09,323 with an Ohio hooker holding your prick and showing you the way. 476 00:27:16,133 --> 00:27:17,464 What? 477 00:27:17,701 --> 00:27:19,293 You're a riddle 478 00:27:20,804 --> 00:27:23,739 with no cheese to maze through. 479 00:27:25,643 --> 00:27:26,643 Don't you get it? 480 00:27:26,710 --> 00:27:30,441 No, I don't. I'm a cock of the mouse or something. I don't know. 481 00:27:30,548 --> 00:27:34,484 I put my story in your limp brit hands, 482 00:27:34,585 --> 00:27:38,021 and you are not going to fail me. 483 00:27:38,122 --> 00:27:41,717 You think I was just blowing my own bagpipe in that meeting? 484 00:27:41,825 --> 00:27:45,659 You must put those boys in the shit. 485 00:27:45,763 --> 00:27:47,321 What? I don't understand. 486 00:27:47,431 --> 00:27:50,696 - You wanna make your movie or not? - Yes, I do. 487 00:27:50,801 --> 00:27:54,293 All right, you get some of those little video type cameras. 488 00:27:54,405 --> 00:27:58,034 We take them out there, and we put them in the trees in different angles. 489 00:27:58,142 --> 00:28:01,475 Then you give me and that pyromaniac Cody 490 00:28:01,579 --> 00:28:06,448 all the smoke bombs, charges, explosives, detonators you got. 491 00:28:06,550 --> 00:28:08,984 Then we take those boys up there, 492 00:28:09,086 --> 00:28:12,180 me and Cody, we could light up that fucking jungle, 493 00:28:12,289 --> 00:28:15,224 so those lily-dick actors would be shitting their pants 494 00:28:15,326 --> 00:28:17,317 and screaming for their mammies. 495 00:28:17,428 --> 00:28:20,886 They'd be begging for a body bag if it means a ride home. 496 00:28:23,734 --> 00:28:25,258 I could do it. 497 00:28:26,036 --> 00:28:29,472 I could shoot the whole thing guerrilla style. Gritty, dirty. 498 00:28:29,573 --> 00:28:32,906 Get them away from their helpers and ass-licking assistants. 499 00:28:33,010 --> 00:28:34,102 Put them in the real shit. 500 00:28:34,211 --> 00:28:35,405 - Real shit. - With real fear in their eyes! 501 00:28:35,512 --> 00:28:38,572 Real fear, real emotion! Yes, four leaf, yes! 502 00:28:38,682 --> 00:28:40,775 - Yes! Yes! - Yes! Yes! 503 00:28:40,884 --> 00:28:42,647 Take them off the fucking grid! 504 00:29:00,104 --> 00:29:02,868 You are no longer actors in a movie! 505 00:29:03,974 --> 00:29:06,704 You are five men in a helicopter! 506 00:29:08,479 --> 00:29:10,242 With three other men! 507 00:29:15,886 --> 00:29:17,410 How long are we gonna be gone, anyways? 508 00:29:17,521 --> 00:29:21,582 'Cause I left most of my vitamins back at the hotel. 509 00:29:21,692 --> 00:29:24,252 - Save your breath, maggots! - That's right, maggots! 510 00:29:36,340 --> 00:29:37,602 M&M? 511 00:29:39,510 --> 00:29:40,807 M&M? 512 00:30:00,597 --> 00:30:04,133 Go, go, go! Get out of the chopper! 513 00:30:04,568 --> 00:30:07,731 Move it, maggots, move! Move, grunts, move your ass! 514 00:30:07,838 --> 00:30:10,136 Get out, you wriggly worms! 515 00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:12,708 - It's up too high! - Move, move, move! 516 00:30:16,180 --> 00:30:17,909 See you in hell! 517 00:30:29,426 --> 00:30:33,624 This is bullshit! I gotta at least call my fucking assistant. 518 00:30:34,898 --> 00:30:37,628 Fucking! Jesus! Dude! 519 00:30:39,103 --> 00:30:41,333 You're sitting on a nest of hostile enemy v.C. 520 00:30:41,438 --> 00:30:44,874 Congratulations, fats. You just got us all killed. 521 00:30:45,876 --> 00:30:49,471 Anybody else care to give away our position to Charlie? 522 00:30:49,580 --> 00:30:51,343 Cell phones! 523 00:30:51,448 --> 00:30:52,915 What the hell, Damien? 524 00:30:53,016 --> 00:30:56,713 Weren't no cell phones in '69, man. I'm head-to-toe legitimate. 525 00:30:56,820 --> 00:31:00,221 Gentlemen, I've got good news and bad news. 526 00:31:00,324 --> 00:31:03,816 The studio wants to shut us down. That's the bad news. 527 00:31:03,961 --> 00:31:06,259 And the good news. 528 00:31:06,363 --> 00:31:09,264 If you wanna save this movie, you will become a unit. 529 00:31:09,366 --> 00:31:13,132 Your objective is to head north to the d'ang kwook river 530 00:31:13,237 --> 00:31:14,727 and liberate the pow camp, 531 00:31:14,838 --> 00:31:18,103 at which point four leaf will get himself captured, 532 00:31:18,208 --> 00:31:20,005 at which point you will rescue him, 533 00:31:20,110 --> 00:31:23,477 at which point we will chopper you home! 534 00:31:24,681 --> 00:31:25,773 Damn. 535 00:31:25,883 --> 00:31:27,680 Four leaf, since you're the staff sergeant, 536 00:31:27,785 --> 00:31:30,185 there's the map, this is the scene list. 537 00:31:30,287 --> 00:31:32,414 Think you can handle it? 538 00:31:32,523 --> 00:31:36,721 We have rigged this entire valley of death with hidden cameras. 539 00:31:38,195 --> 00:31:41,824 And I will be shooting as well, from unseen vantage points, 540 00:31:41,932 --> 00:31:45,527 so that every glorious moment is captured on film. 541 00:31:46,804 --> 00:31:49,967 And believe me, gentlemen, it will be glorious. 542 00:31:50,073 --> 00:31:52,598 If it looks real, chances are it probably is. 543 00:31:52,709 --> 00:31:54,301 You wanted to be actors. 544 00:31:54,411 --> 00:31:57,005 You wanted to occupy the skin of another human being. 545 00:31:57,114 --> 00:32:00,106 Well, get ready to occupy the skin of a terrified U.S. infantry grunt, 546 00:32:00,217 --> 00:32:03,983 surrounded by death, crawling up Satan's bottom. 547 00:32:05,022 --> 00:32:09,721 There'll be ambushes, enemy fire, your own little personal slice of 'nam. 548 00:32:09,827 --> 00:32:14,423 This radio goes to the chopper and the chopper only. 549 00:32:14,531 --> 00:32:18,968 The chopper is God, and I am Jesus Christ, his son. 550 00:32:19,069 --> 00:32:21,765 You are my chosen disciples. 551 00:32:21,872 --> 00:32:24,898 And no one gets to go home till we get the shots. 552 00:32:25,008 --> 00:32:28,034 Put on your war faces, gentlemen. 553 00:32:28,145 --> 00:32:32,844 Now, let's go and make the greatest war movie ever! 554 00:32:32,950 --> 00:32:35,282 - Yeah! - All right! 555 00:32:54,037 --> 00:32:55,095 Yeah! 556 00:33:00,544 --> 00:33:01,602 Yeah! 557 00:33:14,157 --> 00:33:16,057 Not bad, cockburn! 558 00:33:17,895 --> 00:33:19,089 Not bad. 559 00:33:20,797 --> 00:33:22,389 Wherever you are! 560 00:33:24,401 --> 00:33:27,461 Wherever he is? Looks like he's all over the place. 561 00:33:29,273 --> 00:33:31,173 Here we go. 562 00:33:31,275 --> 00:33:33,300 Must be an old French mine. 563 00:33:33,410 --> 00:33:36,868 It's a remnant from colonial indo-China. This jungle must be full of them. 564 00:33:38,949 --> 00:33:42,407 Don't you get it? He's messing with our heads. 565 00:33:42,519 --> 00:33:44,544 That's what all that playing God stuff was about. 566 00:33:44,655 --> 00:33:47,215 He's trying to get us to act good, save the movie. 567 00:33:47,324 --> 00:33:50,350 He ain't playing God. He's being judged by him. 568 00:33:54,364 --> 00:33:57,060 That's our objective. Complete the mission. 569 00:34:03,273 --> 00:34:06,174 No offense, kirk, I know you're the big fancy actor here, 570 00:34:06,276 --> 00:34:10,178 but I've done a lot more effects-driven event films than you. Okay? 571 00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:11,679 And I think I can spot 572 00:34:13,784 --> 00:34:15,308 a prop head when I see one. 573 00:34:15,419 --> 00:34:16,909 Oh, Jesus. 574 00:34:18,121 --> 00:34:21,613 It's corn syrup, guys. Corn syrup and latex. 575 00:34:24,828 --> 00:34:27,956 Warm, blood-flavored corn syrup. 576 00:34:28,065 --> 00:34:29,191 Oh, God. 577 00:34:29,833 --> 00:34:32,961 Smoke and mirrors, guys. Welcome to the movie factory. 578 00:34:33,070 --> 00:34:34,264 Oldest trick in the book. 579 00:34:36,273 --> 00:34:37,570 He getting down now. 580 00:34:37,674 --> 00:34:39,039 Oh, my God! 581 00:34:41,845 --> 00:34:43,904 Whoa, look at me! 582 00:34:44,014 --> 00:34:45,481 You're going to get the shots, 583 00:34:45,582 --> 00:34:48,574 and I'm going to make sure because I'm the director. 584 00:34:48,685 --> 00:34:50,812 I'm from London. I direct plays. 585 00:34:50,921 --> 00:34:53,947 Hey, Damien! We got our war faces on! 586 00:35:03,967 --> 00:35:05,662 Look, I'm Dave Beckham. 587 00:35:15,312 --> 00:35:17,712 So, we gotta light these boys up today, huh? 588 00:35:17,814 --> 00:35:20,009 Blow some sense into these young men. 589 00:35:20,984 --> 00:35:23,885 Hey, I don't want to come off as weird or anything, 590 00:35:23,987 --> 00:35:27,923 but I might be your biggest fan. Yeah. 591 00:35:29,292 --> 00:35:32,784 Tropic thunder. Kind of like my catcher in the rye. 592 00:35:34,031 --> 00:35:36,261 Yeah, I've never been in the military, per se, 593 00:35:36,366 --> 00:35:38,800 but I have lost an appendage in the line of duty. 594 00:35:40,604 --> 00:35:42,834 Driving miss Daisy, first studio gig. 595 00:35:43,607 --> 00:35:44,665 Yeah. 596 00:35:45,175 --> 00:35:47,973 It's a pretty cool sidearm you got there. What is it? 597 00:35:48,078 --> 00:35:49,739 I don't know what it's called. 598 00:35:50,881 --> 00:35:55,614 I just know the sound it makes when it takes a man's life. 599 00:35:58,755 --> 00:35:59,813 Okay. 600 00:36:00,390 --> 00:36:01,630 Damien, we're go for explosion. 601 00:36:01,725 --> 00:36:04,523 Ready to kick the tires and light the fires on your say-so. 602 00:36:04,628 --> 00:36:06,357 Damien, we're go for explosion. 603 00:36:07,497 --> 00:36:08,521 Do you copy? 604 00:36:08,632 --> 00:36:11,499 I got an itchy trigger finger here, and I'm ready to blow some shit up. 605 00:36:11,601 --> 00:36:15,230 All right, you happy now? Can we do the scene? 606 00:36:15,338 --> 00:36:17,966 Or do you need a formal invitation? Come on, let's go! 607 00:36:19,776 --> 00:36:20,868 Here. Okay. 608 00:36:20,977 --> 00:36:23,172 "Scene 12, exterior, jungle clearing, day, ambush. 609 00:36:28,718 --> 00:36:30,652 "Four leaf notices movement in the brush. 610 00:36:30,754 --> 00:36:33,780 "A dozen guerrilla fighters can be seen moving in the tree line. 611 00:36:33,890 --> 00:36:36,450 "Somewhere a mine explodes." And you. 612 00:36:37,794 --> 00:36:39,819 "I got a bad feeling on this one." 613 00:36:39,930 --> 00:36:41,420 - Yeah. - No, that's your line. 614 00:36:41,531 --> 00:36:44,398 - I got... now? - Yeah, but scared. Like, scared. 615 00:36:44,501 --> 00:36:47,231 - "I got a bad feeling on this one." - Dude, wait, like how? 616 00:36:47,337 --> 00:36:49,168 "I got a bad feeling on this one." 617 00:36:49,272 --> 00:36:51,365 - Okay. - Action. Go, come on. 618 00:37:00,383 --> 00:37:03,250 I got a bad feeling on this one there, fats. 619 00:37:04,588 --> 00:37:07,989 Our asses don't get fragged in this bullshit valley, 620 00:37:08,091 --> 00:37:09,922 first thing I'm doing is paying my two bucks 621 00:37:10,026 --> 00:37:11,653 so I can watch Brooklyn bust his cherry 622 00:37:11,761 --> 00:37:14,457 on a sweet little mama-San's dinky dau poontang. 623 00:37:14,564 --> 00:37:17,465 Shit, Brooklyn be bagged and tagged before he get any cooch. 624 00:37:17,567 --> 00:37:20,798 He die, he probably die a coochless motherfucker. 625 00:37:20,904 --> 00:37:22,303 Zip it, motown. 626 00:37:22,405 --> 00:37:23,963 Don't you worry, Brooklyn. 627 00:37:24,074 --> 00:37:26,133 You got a lot of days of fucking ahead of you. 628 00:37:28,245 --> 00:37:29,837 Man, I'm thirsty. 629 00:37:30,947 --> 00:37:35,907 Might as well have some of this Booty sweat I got back in danang. 630 00:37:36,786 --> 00:37:40,278 Yo, asshole! This motherfucker's dead! 631 00:37:40,390 --> 00:37:42,187 Ain't no criss angel mindfreak, 632 00:37:42,292 --> 00:37:45,625 David Blaine trapdoor horseshit jumping off here! 633 00:37:45,729 --> 00:37:49,495 Hey! You wanna get on the train here, or do you wanna ruin another take? 634 00:37:49,599 --> 00:37:52,932 There ain't no goddamn takes, ain't no goddamn motion picture! 635 00:37:53,904 --> 00:37:55,667 - You sure? - Yeah. 636 00:37:55,772 --> 00:37:57,569 - Yeah? - For certain, man. 637 00:37:57,674 --> 00:37:59,574 Then why are you still in character? 638 00:38:01,144 --> 00:38:03,112 I know, but I don't have to tell you. 639 00:38:04,247 --> 00:38:05,305 You don't know. 640 00:38:05,415 --> 00:38:08,350 Man, I don't drop character till I done a DVD commentary. 641 00:38:11,121 --> 00:38:13,282 You happy now? We're out of position for the effects! 642 00:38:13,390 --> 00:38:15,119 Get down, fool! 643 00:38:16,826 --> 00:38:19,727 Didn't anyone read the script? This is the ambush! 644 00:38:21,131 --> 00:38:24,794 - This feels pretty real! - Exactly! Let's use it. 645 00:38:35,412 --> 00:38:36,572 Yeah! 646 00:38:37,847 --> 00:38:39,212 Yeah! 647 00:38:41,818 --> 00:38:43,080 Eat lead! 648 00:38:45,055 --> 00:38:47,421 They're busting caps like a motherfucker down there. 649 00:38:50,694 --> 00:38:52,787 This is fubar. I say we juice them. 650 00:38:52,896 --> 00:38:54,386 - What do you think? - Juice them. 651 00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:59,291 Fuck you, Charlie! 652 00:39:01,371 --> 00:39:02,838 Big-ass titties! 653 00:39:08,812 --> 00:39:10,439 Look at that, huh? 654 00:39:15,719 --> 00:39:16,913 And cut! 655 00:39:19,189 --> 00:39:21,020 That's the trailer right there. 656 00:39:21,124 --> 00:39:22,421 Yeah! 657 00:39:22,525 --> 00:39:24,789 - What do we do now? - Yeah. 658 00:39:24,894 --> 00:39:26,418 North. Man said to head north. 659 00:39:26,529 --> 00:39:29,862 - Did you see me shooting? - That's how we do. Good work, baby. 660 00:39:29,966 --> 00:39:31,024 I believed it. 661 00:39:31,134 --> 00:39:32,294 D'ang kwook river. 662 00:39:32,936 --> 00:39:34,335 I'm betting he's got more of these battles 663 00:39:34,437 --> 00:39:37,167 and viet congs rigged for us along the way. 664 00:39:37,274 --> 00:39:41,040 Sergeant osiris, get your men. Load and lock. 665 00:39:41,711 --> 00:39:43,474 Real, baby, I'm real. 666 00:39:44,547 --> 00:39:47,345 Let's go! We got a lot of klicks to cover! 667 00:39:48,485 --> 00:39:51,511 Hump it up, gentlemen! Single formation. 668 00:39:51,621 --> 00:39:53,452 Don't dawdle now! 669 00:40:17,580 --> 00:40:21,846 D-rod, d-rod, this is puddingface. How are we coming on that hotplate? 670 00:40:24,487 --> 00:40:27,786 Something's up. I think we better drag ass back there. 671 00:40:27,891 --> 00:40:30,587 Make sure Damien ain't forgot how to use his talkbox again. 672 00:40:38,335 --> 00:40:41,304 Yeah, baby, come on. Just a little taste. 673 00:40:42,906 --> 00:40:45,033 - What are you doing, Jeff? - Fucking... nothing, man! 674 00:40:45,141 --> 00:40:48,474 - I'm eating jellybeans. - Wow, I love jellybeans. Can I please... 675 00:40:48,578 --> 00:40:51,308 No, you can't have any fucking jellybeans. 676 00:40:51,414 --> 00:40:52,506 They're mine. 677 00:40:52,615 --> 00:40:53,775 You think you're the only one who gets sick 678 00:40:53,883 --> 00:40:55,578 when he doesn't have his jellybeans? 679 00:40:55,685 --> 00:40:57,084 Boundaries, man. Fuck. 680 00:41:17,006 --> 00:41:19,702 Hey. I didn't mean to show you up back there. 681 00:41:19,809 --> 00:41:23,939 It's just, I feel like we really need to set the example for the other guys. 682 00:41:24,047 --> 00:41:25,947 It's gonna be tough, 683 00:41:26,049 --> 00:41:29,075 but I think Damien's gonna get some great shit out of us. 684 00:41:30,620 --> 00:41:32,380 Just wish I had a director like this on Jack. 685 00:41:32,455 --> 00:41:34,946 On Jack. What? Jack? What you talking about? 686 00:41:36,159 --> 00:41:38,127 - Simple Jack. - Oh, yeah. 687 00:41:39,629 --> 00:41:42,860 Simple Jack, yeah. You went all out on that one, huh? 688 00:41:42,966 --> 00:41:45,230 You did. Really swung for the fences, huh? 689 00:41:45,335 --> 00:41:47,735 Thank you. Thanks. Yeah. 690 00:41:47,837 --> 00:41:50,738 Yeah, it was an intense experience, you know. 691 00:41:51,441 --> 00:41:53,534 I just did the work. 692 00:41:53,643 --> 00:41:57,443 Watched a lot of retarded people. Spent time with them. Observed them. 693 00:41:58,748 --> 00:42:00,909 Watched all the retarded stuff they did. 694 00:42:01,017 --> 00:42:02,780 Then again, I always found mere observation 695 00:42:02,886 --> 00:42:05,184 in and of itself is a tad rudimentary. 696 00:42:05,288 --> 00:42:08,348 Sometimes, we gotta dig deeper to mine the true emotional pay dirt. 697 00:42:08,458 --> 00:42:12,792 Thus, we can diagram the source of the pain and then live it, you know. 698 00:42:12,896 --> 00:42:14,955 Yeah, yeah, live it. Yeah, exactly. 699 00:42:15,064 --> 00:42:17,794 You know, there were times when I was doing Jack 700 00:42:17,901 --> 00:42:20,369 that I actually felt retarded, 701 00:42:20,470 --> 00:42:21,835 - like really retarded. - Oh, yeah. 702 00:42:21,938 --> 00:42:24,133 I mean, I brushed my teeth retarded, 703 00:42:24,240 --> 00:42:26,037 - I rode the bus retarded. - Damn. 704 00:42:26,142 --> 00:42:29,373 In a weird way, I had to sort of just free myself up 705 00:42:29,479 --> 00:42:32,448 to believe that it was okay to be stupid or dumb. 706 00:42:32,549 --> 00:42:34,107 - To be a moron. - Yeah. 707 00:42:34,217 --> 00:42:36,947 - To be moronical. - Exactly, to be a moron. 708 00:42:37,053 --> 00:42:38,418 - An imbecile. - Yeah. 709 00:42:38,521 --> 00:42:41,388 Like the dumbest motherfucker that ever lived. 710 00:42:41,491 --> 00:42:42,651 When I was playing the character. 711 00:42:42,759 --> 00:42:45,353 - When you was the character. - Yeah, as Jack, definitely. 712 00:42:45,462 --> 00:42:47,657 Jack, stupid ass Jack. 713 00:42:47,764 --> 00:42:49,026 Trying to come back from that. 714 00:42:49,132 --> 00:42:53,262 In a weird way it was almost like I had to sort of fool my mind 715 00:42:53,369 --> 00:42:56,338 into believing that it wasn't retarded, 716 00:42:56,439 --> 00:42:58,240 and by the end of the whole thing, I was like, 717 00:42:58,274 --> 00:43:02,802 "wait a minute, I flushed so much out, how am I gonna jumpstart it up again?" 718 00:43:02,912 --> 00:43:04,971 - It's just like... right? - Yeah. 719 00:43:05,081 --> 00:43:07,845 You was farting in bathtubs and laughing your ass off. 720 00:43:07,951 --> 00:43:09,816 Yeah. 721 00:43:09,919 --> 00:43:12,217 But simple Jack thought he was smart, 722 00:43:12,322 --> 00:43:13,619 or rather, didn't think he was retarded, 723 00:43:13,723 --> 00:43:16,590 so you can't afford to play retarded, being a smart actor. 724 00:43:16,693 --> 00:43:19,184 Playing a guy who ain't smart but thinks he is, 725 00:43:19,295 --> 00:43:20,922 - that's tricky. - Tricky. 726 00:43:21,030 --> 00:43:24,557 It's like working with Mercury. It's high science, man. It's an art form. 727 00:43:24,667 --> 00:43:26,692 - Yeah. - You an artist. 728 00:43:26,803 --> 00:43:28,600 - That's what we do, right? Yeah. - Yeah. 729 00:43:28,705 --> 00:43:29,967 Hats off for going there, 730 00:43:30,073 --> 00:43:32,803 especially knowing how the academy is about that shit. 731 00:43:36,513 --> 00:43:40,040 - About what? - You're serious? You don't know? 732 00:43:42,252 --> 00:43:44,277 Everybody knows you never go full retard. 733 00:43:45,822 --> 00:43:47,915 - What do you mean? - Check it out. 734 00:43:48,057 --> 00:43:52,153 Dustin Hoffman, rain man, looked retarded, act retarded, not retarded. 735 00:43:52,262 --> 00:43:56,358 Count toothpicks, cheat at cards. Autistic, sure. Not retarded. 736 00:43:57,233 --> 00:43:59,098 Then you got tom Hanks, Forrest Gump. 737 00:43:59,202 --> 00:44:01,500 Slow, yes, retarded, maybe, braces on his legs. 738 00:44:01,604 --> 00:44:04,505 But he charmed the pants off Nixon, and he won a ping-pong competition. 739 00:44:04,607 --> 00:44:05,631 That ain't retarded. 740 00:44:05,775 --> 00:44:09,711 And he was a goddamn war hero. You know any retarded war heroes? 741 00:44:11,648 --> 00:44:13,639 You went full retard, man. 742 00:44:15,184 --> 00:44:16,549 Never go full retard. 743 00:44:17,554 --> 00:44:21,115 You don't buy that? Ask Sean penn, 2001, I am Sam. 744 00:44:21,224 --> 00:44:24,523 Remember? Went full retard? Went home empty-handed. 745 00:44:34,370 --> 00:44:37,567 Oh, my God! Holy shit! 746 00:44:38,241 --> 00:44:40,937 Good job, turd. You killed the director. 747 00:44:41,044 --> 00:44:42,306 No, that's impossible, man. 748 00:44:42,412 --> 00:44:45,279 I rigged the whole tree line, and this is here. 749 00:44:45,415 --> 00:44:46,939 - He must have missed his mark. - Missed his mark? 750 00:44:47,050 --> 00:44:48,278 Yeah, this isn't me. 751 00:44:48,384 --> 00:44:51,182 Come on, let's bag and tag the bastard and get back to the hotel. 752 00:44:51,287 --> 00:44:53,983 - You're in a world of hurt, dumbo! - We're in a world of hurt! 753 00:44:54,090 --> 00:44:56,285 - You're in trouble. - This isn't just on me! 754 00:44:56,392 --> 00:44:58,622 - We're in a... we're together on this. - Bullshit. 755 00:44:58,728 --> 00:45:00,195 You're just gonna run away. You're gonna leave. 756 00:45:00,296 --> 00:45:02,056 What happened to, "no man left behind," okay? 757 00:45:02,065 --> 00:45:04,329 Just wait, just wait! Listen! Listen, okay? 758 00:45:04,434 --> 00:45:07,164 - I don't wanna hear it. - Let me just be real with you, all right? 759 00:45:07,270 --> 00:45:10,569 I almost blinded Jamie Lee Curtis on freaky Friday, okay? 760 00:45:10,673 --> 00:45:12,004 This shit will fucking ruin me! 761 00:45:12,108 --> 00:45:14,068 - Just get off me! You're pathetic. - No, I'm not. 762 00:45:14,110 --> 00:45:16,578 - Get off me! - You are not going back! 763 00:45:19,949 --> 00:45:21,883 - What the fuck? - Now wait a minute. 764 00:45:32,261 --> 00:45:34,957 So, what? We're just supposed to keep walking? 765 00:45:35,064 --> 00:45:37,931 Try to stay in character. Remember, we're on camera. 766 00:45:38,067 --> 00:45:39,067 This thing's too heavy. 767 00:45:39,135 --> 00:45:40,568 I want the rubber one that the prop guy gave me. 768 00:45:40,670 --> 00:45:42,934 Where's the fucking prop guy? 769 00:45:47,910 --> 00:45:50,504 How's it going with that map, chief? 770 00:45:50,613 --> 00:45:53,207 - Can I have a look at it? - I got it. 771 00:45:53,316 --> 00:45:54,874 Yeah, Damien gave it to me, remember? 772 00:45:54,984 --> 00:45:56,474 Yeah, but he gave it to you for us. 773 00:45:56,586 --> 00:45:58,213 - Yeah. - Okay. 774 00:45:58,321 --> 00:46:00,846 - I got it. - You got it upside down. 775 00:46:00,990 --> 00:46:01,990 Thank you. 776 00:46:02,091 --> 00:46:03,649 Letters go one way and the numbers another. 777 00:46:03,760 --> 00:46:05,318 Dude, I'm trying to... I got your back, man. 778 00:46:05,428 --> 00:46:07,191 - Well, I'm cool. All right, I'm cool. - You are? 779 00:46:07,296 --> 00:46:09,161 Is your character dyslexic? 780 00:46:09,265 --> 00:46:10,994 - No, my character's not dyslexic. - So you a cartographer. 781 00:46:11,100 --> 00:46:12,931 I'm tired, I want to go home. 782 00:46:13,036 --> 00:46:15,596 Why, so you can get back and make fatties: Fart 20, or some shit? 783 00:46:15,672 --> 00:46:18,607 It's fatties: Fart two, there's no... hey, you wish you had a fatties franchise. 784 00:46:18,708 --> 00:46:19,988 - What? - It's fatties: Fart two. 785 00:46:20,043 --> 00:46:21,271 - Yeah, you do. - I don't want no fatties franchise, 786 00:46:21,377 --> 00:46:23,777 - I got a diamond toilet. - Your stupid-ass commercials. 787 00:46:23,880 --> 00:46:25,347 You're all fucked up, man, you look tired. 788 00:46:25,448 --> 00:46:26,574 You look like you bumped your head or something, 789 00:46:26,683 --> 00:46:28,514 so I came over to see if you're fucking all right, that's all. 790 00:46:28,618 --> 00:46:30,643 - Yeah, why don't you get on point? - I'm on point right here. 791 00:46:30,753 --> 00:46:31,777 My farts are fucking more beautiful than... 792 00:46:31,888 --> 00:46:34,448 You still got that shit upside down. 793 00:46:35,058 --> 00:46:36,538 The numbers help, man, the numbers... 794 00:46:36,559 --> 00:46:38,789 The letters go across the top and then the numbers. 795 00:46:38,895 --> 00:46:40,453 - Want the map? - Yeah, I want the fucking map. 796 00:46:40,563 --> 00:46:41,996 Well, you can't have it, 'cause Damien gave it me. 797 00:46:42,098 --> 00:46:45,261 You wish you had my farts, my farts are fucking music. 798 00:46:45,368 --> 00:46:47,734 All right. That's enough. 799 00:46:49,205 --> 00:46:52,936 Everybody's obviously a little bushed from all this humping. 800 00:46:53,543 --> 00:46:56,034 So take a chow break. Chow break! 801 00:46:57,847 --> 00:46:59,405 But stay alert. 802 00:46:59,982 --> 00:47:03,474 Remember, Charlie don't care if you're on break or not. 803 00:47:08,558 --> 00:47:11,493 All right, that's lunch. Coming back to the same scene afterwards, 804 00:47:11,594 --> 00:47:12,959 "lost in the goddamn jungle." 805 00:47:13,062 --> 00:47:14,062 Captain simple Jack. 806 00:47:15,031 --> 00:47:16,031 Fuck you. 807 00:47:24,941 --> 00:47:26,499 I fucking hate movies. 808 00:47:28,845 --> 00:47:31,678 This is bullshit. I don't wanna be in this shitty movie. 809 00:47:41,524 --> 00:47:44,288 No! That's my jellybeans! No! 810 00:47:44,393 --> 00:47:49,057 Kid, grab the bat! Please! Shit! 811 00:47:49,165 --> 00:47:52,430 - Yo, man, I got a bust-a-nut. - You go to hell! There he is. 812 00:47:55,872 --> 00:47:58,807 God damn it! Okay. Where'd he go? 813 00:47:59,776 --> 00:48:02,256 You little piece of shit! I'm gonna fucking rip your wings off! 814 00:48:04,180 --> 00:48:07,206 Sanducci. Hold up, man, keep it on the down-low. 815 00:48:08,618 --> 00:48:10,899 I don't really gotta piss. I'm trying to talk at you, man. 816 00:48:10,953 --> 00:48:12,580 Bait, I need bait. 817 00:48:13,723 --> 00:48:17,420 You went to boot camp, right? You can read a map? 818 00:48:17,527 --> 00:48:18,755 Yeah, I think so. 819 00:48:18,861 --> 00:48:21,557 I know speedman got everyone convinced we out here 820 00:48:21,664 --> 00:48:25,464 making planet of the apes on YouTube or some shit, but I don't buy it. 821 00:48:25,568 --> 00:48:28,036 You wanna step on a real landmine? You wanna die? 822 00:48:28,838 --> 00:48:30,533 You wanna get shot by a real motherfucker? 823 00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:33,803 - Keep looking ahead, man. - No, of course not. 824 00:48:34,210 --> 00:48:36,371 Trying to get home, man. 825 00:48:36,479 --> 00:48:38,140 Got a big job coming up next year. 826 00:48:38,247 --> 00:48:39,680 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 827 00:48:39,782 --> 00:48:42,307 It's about Abe Lincoln and John wilkes booth when they were both young. 828 00:48:42,418 --> 00:48:43,510 - Oh, wow! - Yeah. 829 00:48:43,619 --> 00:48:46,110 - That's a classy picture. - Dude, you kind of look like Abe. 830 00:48:46,222 --> 00:48:47,689 Slap a beard on you. 831 00:48:47,790 --> 00:48:49,815 - What's your fucking name? - Really? It's Kevin. 832 00:48:49,926 --> 00:48:51,917 - Kevin sandusky. - Yeah. 833 00:48:52,595 --> 00:48:56,156 If I can put that map in your hands, can I count on you? 834 00:48:56,566 --> 00:49:00,093 - Well, yeah, I guess you can. - Dynamite. I'm out. 835 00:49:03,773 --> 00:49:06,207 That smelled just like bologna for some reason. 836 00:49:06,309 --> 00:49:08,834 Is anyone gonna fucking help me get this fucking thing? 837 00:49:09,545 --> 00:49:12,105 Why are they even out in the daytime? 838 00:49:14,317 --> 00:49:18,754 I'm gonna level with you, bro. I don't need to pee. I need to talk to you. 839 00:49:24,994 --> 00:49:28,760 Lazarus is gonna torpedo the movie. 840 00:49:30,967 --> 00:49:32,696 He's way out on a limb with this character, 841 00:49:32,802 --> 00:49:34,633 and I think he's getting cold feet. 842 00:49:35,938 --> 00:49:38,736 And the men respect you, 'cause you went to boot camp 843 00:49:38,841 --> 00:49:40,468 and rehearsal. 844 00:49:41,510 --> 00:49:44,035 - Can I count on you, Kyle. - It's Kevin. 845 00:49:44,146 --> 00:49:45,204 Good. 846 00:49:46,782 --> 00:49:49,649 If you want I could give the map a look-see. 847 00:49:49,752 --> 00:49:51,913 - I'll handle the map. - Okay. 848 00:49:52,021 --> 00:49:55,252 You stick with the program, we get this movie in the can, 849 00:49:55,358 --> 00:49:59,055 I'm thinking there could be a teen choice award in it for you. 850 00:49:59,161 --> 00:50:03,359 You have that potential. They'll slime you, the whole deal. 851 00:50:03,466 --> 00:50:07,095 - Yeah, that's wicked. - Good. 852 00:50:13,009 --> 00:50:15,102 There it is! Yeah, now you're dead! 853 00:50:16,279 --> 00:50:17,507 You o.D.'D! 854 00:50:19,081 --> 00:50:20,412 Hold up now, Jeff. 855 00:50:22,818 --> 00:50:24,217 Fucking hell! 856 00:50:25,855 --> 00:50:28,915 What the hell, Jeff? That's a bat, man! 857 00:50:29,025 --> 00:50:31,493 I don't have any more jellybeans. 858 00:50:38,100 --> 00:50:39,897 You land there! 859 00:50:54,817 --> 00:50:57,217 Wow. Look at these ruins. 860 00:50:59,388 --> 00:51:03,825 - Where the hell are we? - D'ang kwook river. 861 00:51:03,926 --> 00:51:06,292 That so? How do you know that? How you sure? 862 00:51:06,395 --> 00:51:08,590 Only one way to find out, dude. Let's go. 863 00:51:08,698 --> 00:51:13,795 Yeah. I'm not feeling so good right now. Seriously, my skin hurts! 864 00:51:13,903 --> 00:51:16,337 Enough from the peanut gallery! Into the water, ladies! 865 00:51:16,439 --> 00:51:18,507 No, man. Let me take a look at that map right quick. 866 00:51:18,674 --> 00:51:20,354 Why is everybody all obsessed with the map? 867 00:51:20,376 --> 00:51:22,401 'Cause we're tired of being your trail donkeys! 868 00:51:22,511 --> 00:51:24,911 Acting like you some one-man GPS! 869 00:51:25,014 --> 00:51:28,882 God damn it! We lost! We fucking super lost, man! 870 00:51:28,985 --> 00:51:31,112 Tell him, mcclusky. Tell him what time it is. 871 00:51:31,220 --> 00:51:32,778 I don't believe you people. 872 00:51:34,523 --> 00:51:36,218 What do you mean "you people"? 873 00:51:38,894 --> 00:51:41,488 What do you mean, "you people"? 874 00:51:41,597 --> 00:51:43,588 I think what tugg means is... 875 00:51:43,699 --> 00:51:45,064 No, look at his eyes, man. 876 00:51:45,167 --> 00:51:47,897 You people, you actors. You people... - Look at them beady, white devil eyes. 877 00:51:48,004 --> 00:51:49,605 I gotta get back to the hotel, for real! 878 00:51:49,638 --> 00:51:51,606 - Hell, no! - Silence! 879 00:51:52,641 --> 00:51:55,303 Chill! All right? Just chill it. 880 00:51:56,812 --> 00:52:00,009 Now, let's go get those viet congs. 881 00:52:00,850 --> 00:52:02,408 - "Viet cong"! - What? 882 00:52:02,918 --> 00:52:05,944 It's "viet cong." There's no "s." It's already plural. 883 00:52:06,055 --> 00:52:07,647 You wouldn't say "Chineses." 884 00:52:09,025 --> 00:52:11,459 All right, that's enough of this insubordination! 885 00:52:11,560 --> 00:52:14,358 If the machine breaks down, we break down. 886 00:52:14,463 --> 00:52:16,988 Hey, man, you know how in Rambo I, he was big but a little puffy 887 00:52:17,099 --> 00:52:18,739 and then Rambo ii, he got all shredded up? 888 00:52:18,801 --> 00:52:21,668 - Yeah. - That's kind of how you look right now. 889 00:52:21,771 --> 00:52:23,329 - Yeah? - Not Rambo I but ii. 890 00:52:23,439 --> 00:52:25,168 - Really? - Yeah, when he was cut up. 891 00:52:25,274 --> 00:52:27,640 I'm not that... I mean, that's what I'm going for, but you know... 892 00:52:27,743 --> 00:52:30,439 Come on, dude. You more shredded than a julienne salad, man. 893 00:52:30,546 --> 00:52:32,036 - Thanks. - What's the secret, dude? 894 00:52:32,148 --> 00:52:33,513 - It's a diet. I'm just dieting. - Really? 895 00:52:33,616 --> 00:52:36,608 'Cause I'm trying to come up a little, but it's just... it's tough. 896 00:52:36,719 --> 00:52:38,209 - You look good. - Any tips? 897 00:52:38,320 --> 00:52:40,015 - What? - Any tips, you got? 898 00:52:40,122 --> 00:52:41,248 There's, like, the pineapple... 899 00:52:41,357 --> 00:52:43,655 - Give me that goddamn map! Fuck you! - Hey! 900 00:52:43,759 --> 00:52:45,351 - Hey! - All right, now! 901 00:52:45,461 --> 00:52:47,895 What it is, sikorski? Tell us where we really at. 902 00:52:47,997 --> 00:52:49,988 That's fucking bullshit! It's a chump move. 903 00:52:50,025 --> 00:52:51,959 We just getting a second opinion, doc. 904 00:52:53,795 --> 00:52:55,057 We're going the wrong way! 905 00:52:55,163 --> 00:52:56,255 - Damn! - Son of a bitch. 906 00:52:56,365 --> 00:53:00,825 God! I think we were supposed to be doing this, 907 00:53:00,936 --> 00:53:03,837 and instead we did this. 908 00:53:03,939 --> 00:53:07,568 Shit, shit, shit, shitty shit, shit! 909 00:53:07,676 --> 00:53:10,201 Think you can get us back to that drop zone, boy? 910 00:53:11,146 --> 00:53:12,545 This is not cool! 911 00:53:15,250 --> 00:53:16,376 Maybe. 912 00:53:17,819 --> 00:53:19,309 This is insane! 913 00:53:20,589 --> 00:53:22,921 Are you really going to abandon this movie? 914 00:53:23,725 --> 00:53:25,920 We're supposed to be a unit! 915 00:53:26,028 --> 00:53:27,552 Suck my unit! 916 00:53:28,430 --> 00:53:30,227 All right, fine. 917 00:53:30,332 --> 00:53:35,235 - I'll finish it by myself. - You go be all you can be, man. 918 00:53:35,337 --> 00:53:37,328 Tugg, you have no idea where you're going! 919 00:53:37,439 --> 00:53:39,236 Yes, I do! 920 00:53:39,341 --> 00:53:43,869 I'm going to, "exterior, rain forest, dusk. 921 00:53:43,979 --> 00:53:48,439 "Smash cut to four leaf, who treks alone through a frightening jungle." 922 00:53:48,550 --> 00:53:50,484 Suck on that unit, kirk! 923 00:54:04,066 --> 00:54:07,058 Come on, men. Let's get home. 924 00:54:45,240 --> 00:54:49,904 Hello, Mr. mantis. You're beautiful. 925 00:54:52,180 --> 00:54:54,114 Now, if you recall that whole hullabaloo 926 00:54:54,216 --> 00:54:55,945 where Hollywood was split into schisms, 927 00:54:56,051 --> 00:54:59,452 some studios backing blu-ray disc, others backing hd DVD. 928 00:54:59,554 --> 00:55:00,646 People thought it would come down to 929 00:55:00,755 --> 00:55:03,019 pixel rate or refresh rate, and they're pretty much the same. 930 00:55:03,125 --> 00:55:06,925 What it came down to was a combination of gamers and porn. 931 00:55:07,028 --> 00:55:08,757 Now, whichever format porno backs 932 00:55:08,864 --> 00:55:12,698 is usually the one that becomes the most successful. 933 00:55:12,801 --> 00:55:15,793 But, you know, Sony, every playstation 3 has a blu-ray in it. 934 00:55:15,904 --> 00:55:17,633 You talking to me this whole time? 935 00:55:18,373 --> 00:55:19,670 I was talking to whoever was listening to me. 936 00:55:19,774 --> 00:55:21,241 Jesus Christ, man! 937 00:55:39,661 --> 00:55:41,720 Booty sweat. 938 00:55:47,769 --> 00:55:49,168 Oh, God! 939 00:55:51,406 --> 00:55:55,968 It's cold! It's freezing. I'm fucking cold. 940 00:55:56,077 --> 00:55:58,272 You want my flak jacket? 941 00:55:58,380 --> 00:56:02,248 What, are you insane? It's boiling! It's like a sweat lodge out here! 942 00:56:02,350 --> 00:56:05,183 Keep the volume down on that bitching, flatch Adams. 943 00:56:05,287 --> 00:56:07,187 I gotta take a fucking 12-pound shit! 944 00:56:07,289 --> 00:56:09,257 - How we doing? We making good time? - We're making good time, 945 00:56:09,357 --> 00:56:12,485 but there's no way we make it over that Ridge before sundown. 946 00:56:12,594 --> 00:56:15,085 All right, fellas, we're gonna make camp, rest up! 947 00:56:15,197 --> 00:56:17,495 - Oh, God. - Y'all might be in for a treat. 948 00:56:17,599 --> 00:56:18,998 You know, back before the war broked out, 949 00:56:19,100 --> 00:56:21,830 I was a saucier in San antone. 950 00:56:21,937 --> 00:56:24,565 I bet I could collar up some of them Greens. 951 00:56:24,673 --> 00:56:28,973 Yeah, noodle some crawfish out the paddy, yo. 952 00:56:29,077 --> 00:56:33,104 And maybe some crab apples for dessert, now, you hear? Hell, yeah! 953 00:56:34,449 --> 00:56:35,711 Hell, yeah! 954 00:56:35,817 --> 00:56:40,015 That's how we all talk. We all talk like this, suh! Yes, suh. 955 00:56:40,121 --> 00:56:45,354 Yeah, get some crawfish and some ribs. 956 00:56:45,460 --> 00:56:50,329 You're Australian! Be Australian! Excuse me, kangaroo Jack. 957 00:56:54,569 --> 00:56:56,969 I get excited about my foods, man. 958 00:58:22,590 --> 00:58:25,024 Die! 959 00:58:38,940 --> 00:58:41,033 No! 960 00:58:47,582 --> 00:58:51,882 Dude, dude, what the hell is going on here? Where are we? 961 00:58:51,986 --> 00:58:54,386 I have no idea. 962 00:58:54,489 --> 00:58:57,049 I've never been outside the states. 963 00:58:57,158 --> 00:58:59,319 Wait, what? Are you fucking kidding me? 964 00:58:59,427 --> 00:59:01,418 Did you make this whole goddamn thing up? 965 00:59:01,529 --> 00:59:02,894 Dude, were you even in the fucking service? 966 00:59:02,997 --> 00:59:05,659 Yes. Of course. Coast guard. 967 00:59:05,767 --> 00:59:07,667 - Coast guard. - Sanitation department. 968 00:59:07,769 --> 00:59:10,465 Oh, my God! You're a fucking garbage man! 969 00:59:10,572 --> 00:59:14,303 Damn it. F.L. Tayback lies to me and the whole goddamn U.S. of a. 970 00:59:14,409 --> 00:59:17,071 I wrote the book as a tribute! I'm a patriot! 971 00:59:17,178 --> 00:59:19,237 Yeah, you're the milli vanilli of patriots, okay? 972 00:59:19,347 --> 00:59:21,042 You lied about fighting the Vietnam war. 973 00:59:21,149 --> 00:59:24,414 It's like punching the American flag in the face, God damn it. 974 00:59:24,519 --> 00:59:25,959 God, and to think I believed in you! 975 00:59:26,054 --> 00:59:28,420 - I don't wanna be next to you. - Writers lie all the time. 976 00:59:28,523 --> 00:59:30,650 Can I be tied to another post? Okay. 977 00:59:51,968 --> 00:59:53,799 - Rick? - Tugg. 978 00:59:53,903 --> 00:59:55,962 I killed one, Rick. 979 00:59:57,106 --> 00:59:59,506 The thing I love most in the world. 980 00:59:59,608 --> 01:00:01,439 Vivica, get off the line now! 981 01:00:03,746 --> 01:00:06,146 A hooker. All right, you killed a hooker. 982 01:00:06,248 --> 01:00:08,307 Calm down. Here's what you're gonna do. 983 01:00:08,417 --> 01:00:09,617 Get your hands on some bleach, 984 01:00:09,685 --> 01:00:12,051 some hydrogen peroxide and a shitload of lime. 985 01:00:12,154 --> 01:00:13,644 No, a panda. 986 01:00:13,756 --> 01:00:15,519 I killed a panda. 987 01:00:15,624 --> 01:00:17,421 Amanda? Come on, dude. 988 01:00:17,526 --> 01:00:19,551 I mean, that's probably not even her real name. 989 01:00:19,662 --> 01:00:21,323 No, a panda! 990 01:00:21,430 --> 01:00:22,795 A panda? 991 01:00:22,898 --> 01:00:27,535 A sweet, cuddly, vicious little panda. 992 01:00:27,670 --> 01:00:30,605 Jesus Christ, tugg! Man, don't scare me like that! 993 01:00:30,706 --> 01:00:31,866 It's beautiful here. 994 01:00:31,974 --> 01:00:33,464 You on the set? 995 01:00:33,576 --> 01:00:34,838 I am the set. 996 01:00:34,944 --> 01:00:37,913 All right, man. Hey, how's the TiVo working out? 997 01:00:38,014 --> 01:00:39,242 Screw TiVo. 998 01:00:39,348 --> 01:00:41,816 I'm way beyond TiVo. 999 01:00:41,917 --> 01:00:44,010 Last I checked, they hadn't hooked it up, though. 1000 01:00:44,120 --> 01:00:47,419 Hadn't hooked it up? No TiVo? 1001 01:00:47,523 --> 01:00:49,354 It doesn't matter anymore. 1002 01:00:52,194 --> 01:00:53,661 I've moved on. 1003 01:00:54,397 --> 01:00:56,126 Where have you moved on to? 1004 01:00:56,232 --> 01:00:57,722 Another agency? 1005 01:00:59,268 --> 01:01:00,792 Who's with you? 1006 01:01:00,903 --> 01:01:03,064 It's Nick Stevens, isn't it? That little fucker. 1007 01:01:03,172 --> 01:01:07,268 You are still my client, tugg speedman! I am getting the TiVo! 1008 01:01:07,376 --> 01:01:09,571 Jacket's on, I'm out the door! 1009 01:01:09,678 --> 01:01:10,736 Tugg? 1010 01:01:14,050 --> 01:01:15,347 Please don't fire me. 1011 01:01:16,218 --> 01:01:17,412 I did it, I did it! 1012 01:01:17,520 --> 01:01:19,852 Vivica, what do I have scheduled this afternoon? 1013 01:01:19,955 --> 01:01:22,822 - Two and a half men taping. - Shit. 1014 01:01:23,826 --> 01:01:24,850 Cancel it. 1015 01:01:24,960 --> 01:01:26,621 And get me tugg's tropic thunder contract. 1016 01:01:26,729 --> 01:01:29,857 I'm going to Grossman's office, I'm playing the card. 1017 01:01:29,965 --> 01:01:30,965 Okay. 1018 01:01:34,537 --> 01:01:37,438 Oh, mama. Thirsty. 1019 01:01:37,573 --> 01:01:39,632 He doesn't look too good. 1020 01:01:39,742 --> 01:01:44,770 Must drink, so I can throw something up! 1021 01:01:44,880 --> 01:01:47,007 No, no. Don't drink that water! That water's like a petri dish! 1022 01:01:47,116 --> 01:01:48,208 No, don't! 1023 01:01:48,317 --> 01:01:50,842 Alpa, do you have any Booty sweat? 1024 01:01:50,953 --> 01:01:53,319 Yeah, get him chugging on some of alpa's ass water. 1025 01:01:53,422 --> 01:01:55,356 That'll bring him around. It's a cure-all. 1026 01:01:55,458 --> 01:01:57,358 Man, what you coming out in movies for anyway? 1027 01:01:57,460 --> 01:01:59,121 Did you need another revenue stream? 1028 01:01:59,228 --> 01:02:02,026 For your information, my revenue stream 1029 01:02:02,131 --> 01:02:04,463 currently generates $2 million a year 1030 01:02:04,567 --> 01:02:06,501 in charitable contributions for my community. 1031 01:02:06,602 --> 01:02:08,934 - Hot damn. - And why am I in this movie? 1032 01:02:09,038 --> 01:02:11,370 Maybe I just knew I had to represent, 1033 01:02:11,474 --> 01:02:13,271 because they had one good part in it for a black man 1034 01:02:13,375 --> 01:02:15,434 and they gave it to crocodile dundee. 1035 01:02:17,046 --> 01:02:20,607 Pump your brakes, kid. That man is a national treasure. 1036 01:02:20,716 --> 01:02:22,843 I just wanted to throw another shrimp on your Barbie. 1037 01:02:22,952 --> 01:02:24,078 That shit ain't funny. 1038 01:02:24,186 --> 01:02:26,882 Hey, fellas! It's hot! We're tired! It stinks! 1039 01:02:26,989 --> 01:02:28,590 I'm just fucking with you, kangaroo Jack! 1040 01:02:28,657 --> 01:02:30,386 I'm sorry a dingo ate your baby. 1041 01:02:30,493 --> 01:02:32,961 You know that's a true story? Lady lost her kid. 1042 01:02:33,062 --> 01:02:35,724 - You about to cross some fucking lines. - Guys, relax and stuff. 1043 01:02:35,831 --> 01:02:36,889 You know what? Fuck that, man! 1044 01:02:36,999 --> 01:02:39,661 I'm sick of this koala-hugging nigger telling me... 1045 01:02:44,406 --> 01:02:45,964 For 400 years, 1046 01:02:47,009 --> 01:02:49,910 that word has kept us down. 1047 01:02:50,980 --> 01:02:52,607 What the fuck? 1048 01:02:52,715 --> 01:02:56,481 It took a whole lot of trying just to get up that hill. 1049 01:02:56,585 --> 01:02:59,486 Now we up in the big leagues, 1050 01:02:59,588 --> 01:03:01,351 getting our turn at bat. 1051 01:03:01,457 --> 01:03:04,119 Long as we live, it's you and me, baby. 1052 01:03:04,793 --> 01:03:08,126 That's the theme song for the jeffersons. You really need help. 1053 01:03:08,230 --> 01:03:11,358 Yeah. Just 'cause it's the theme song, don't make it not true. 1054 01:03:11,467 --> 01:03:13,401 You know what? I'm gonna tell you what's true. 1055 01:03:13,502 --> 01:03:16,938 I'm gonna tag you back. You better believe that, baby. 1056 01:03:17,039 --> 01:03:19,633 Guys! Hey, guys! 1057 01:03:20,242 --> 01:03:22,710 Jeff, stay away from that animal. 1058 01:03:25,080 --> 01:03:27,913 I'm gonna bite his hide. I need... 1059 01:03:28,951 --> 01:03:32,216 I need to wear his stomach skin like a unitard. 1060 01:03:33,189 --> 01:03:36,488 Ain't nobody doing nothing to no one or body! 1061 01:03:36,592 --> 01:03:41,461 Now, if Mr. portnoy is feeling a little flu-ish, don't wanna walk, 1062 01:03:41,564 --> 01:03:43,623 put him up on that cloven-hoof animal! 1063 01:03:45,000 --> 01:03:46,297 We got ground to cover! 1064 01:04:15,297 --> 01:04:18,562 All right, pow camp, scene 67. 1065 01:04:19,468 --> 01:04:21,197 Bring it on, cockburn! 1066 01:04:29,278 --> 01:04:31,712 Maybe he's not, you know, Ridley Scott or something, 1067 01:04:31,814 --> 01:04:33,611 but I think renny harlin's a tremendous filmmaker 1068 01:04:33,716 --> 01:04:36,514 like, adventures of Ford fairlane, you know, 1069 01:04:36,619 --> 01:04:40,248 as far as an Andrew Dice Clay vehicle goes, it's pretty decent. 1070 01:04:40,356 --> 01:04:42,790 And cliffhanger. Cliffhanger's incredible. 1071 01:04:42,891 --> 01:04:46,349 As far as the whole like, man against nature type of movies go, 1072 01:04:46,462 --> 01:04:48,623 it's absolutely amazing. 1073 01:04:48,731 --> 01:04:50,631 Shut the fuck up! 1074 01:04:55,271 --> 01:04:56,932 Who send you here? 1075 01:04:57,039 --> 01:05:01,669 Tayback, John, sergeant, United States army. 1076 01:05:02,411 --> 01:05:07,815 Serial number 694529987. 1077 01:05:11,620 --> 01:05:14,612 Perhaps some hot tea will make conversing 1078 01:05:14,723 --> 01:05:16,486 a little easier. 1079 01:05:20,262 --> 01:05:22,355 My leader's not quite as cordial. 1080 01:05:25,834 --> 01:05:28,701 Look, what? I just thought you might like some hot tea 1081 01:05:28,804 --> 01:05:32,331 - in order to calm your nerves. - Tayback, John, sergeant, 1082 01:05:32,474 --> 01:05:37,434 United States army, 694529987. 1083 01:05:38,280 --> 01:05:43,809 And here's a little message from my Uncle Sam. 1084 01:05:49,458 --> 01:05:51,824 Dude, you all right? 1085 01:05:51,927 --> 01:05:53,360 Man you totally leaned into that. 1086 01:05:53,462 --> 01:05:56,522 I was pulling it back and you just came in too... 1087 01:05:56,632 --> 01:05:58,827 Hey, it was an accident, man. 1088 01:06:01,370 --> 01:06:03,304 Come on, good. You want to keep going? 1089 01:06:03,405 --> 01:06:04,997 - Let's go. - Get up. 1090 01:06:05,107 --> 01:06:06,699 I rather rot in your v.C. Jail! 1091 01:06:06,809 --> 01:06:10,677 I'll never bend to your will! You scum! You scum! 1092 01:06:10,779 --> 01:06:12,804 Now say this and go to the beginning again, 1093 01:06:12,915 --> 01:06:14,678 let's do the tea part, okay? 1094 01:06:16,218 --> 01:06:17,651 Dude, I hope you're not pissed. 1095 01:06:17,986 --> 01:06:19,783 I see moss on both sides of that tree. 1096 01:06:19,888 --> 01:06:23,016 Well, you know, maybe if I wasn't the only one at boot camp... 1097 01:06:23,125 --> 01:06:25,025 My belly really hurts, you guys! 1098 01:06:25,127 --> 01:06:27,322 I'm not joking around, I'm nauseous. 1099 01:06:27,429 --> 01:06:29,670 Let me off, I gotta puke! I don't wanna die like hendrix! 1100 01:06:29,765 --> 01:06:31,426 All right. All right. 1101 01:06:36,004 --> 01:06:37,995 Are you okay, Jeff? 1102 01:06:38,107 --> 01:06:39,472 I'm awesome. 1103 01:06:41,877 --> 01:06:43,344 Holy shit! 1104 01:06:47,883 --> 01:06:50,044 Okay. Everyone, down, down, down. 1105 01:06:54,757 --> 01:06:56,247 Man. Now I'm tripping. 1106 01:06:56,358 --> 01:06:58,986 That looks like the pow camp from out the script, yo. 1107 01:06:59,862 --> 01:07:01,557 Speedman was right? 1108 01:07:01,663 --> 01:07:03,028 I don't think so. 1109 01:07:03,132 --> 01:07:05,362 Look at the cooking vats, the armed guards. 1110 01:07:06,969 --> 01:07:09,062 Looks like a heroin processing plant. 1111 01:07:10,172 --> 01:07:11,298 We were in that chopper for hours. 1112 01:07:11,407 --> 01:07:13,671 I don't even think we're in Vietnam anymore. 1113 01:07:13,776 --> 01:07:16,210 - Fuck. - Shit. We ain't even in 'nam? 1114 01:07:16,311 --> 01:07:19,075 No, most likely Myanmar or Laos. 1115 01:07:19,181 --> 01:07:20,739 What the fuck is Laos? 1116 01:07:20,849 --> 01:07:22,009 It's the golden triangle. 1117 01:07:22,117 --> 01:07:24,085 Oh, fuck. We're dead. 1118 01:07:24,186 --> 01:07:26,154 No one gets out of here. I saw it on TV. 1119 01:07:26,255 --> 01:07:30,282 Fucking boats, airplanes, ufos and shit, they all just vanish! 1120 01:07:30,392 --> 01:07:32,917 Yo, that's the Bermuda triangle, dumbass. 1121 01:07:33,028 --> 01:07:35,394 This is the golden triangle. 1122 01:07:35,497 --> 01:07:37,098 It's the world's hard drug superhighway. 1123 01:07:37,166 --> 01:07:38,463 How do you know that? 1124 01:07:38,567 --> 01:07:41,297 It was a really long trip. I read the in-flight magazine. 1125 01:07:43,105 --> 01:07:44,402 Cut! 1126 01:07:44,506 --> 01:07:45,973 Oh, Jesus! 1127 01:07:46,074 --> 01:07:48,565 What do you see, man? I'm blocked. 1128 01:07:48,677 --> 01:07:50,042 Damien, cut! 1129 01:07:51,814 --> 01:07:53,406 Hey, Damien, cut! 1130 01:07:54,249 --> 01:07:55,910 They got speedman. 1131 01:07:56,485 --> 01:07:57,918 And it doesn't look good. 1132 01:08:30,586 --> 01:08:31,883 I am tran. 1133 01:08:32,855 --> 01:08:35,016 You are a trespasser in my poppy fields. 1134 01:08:36,425 --> 01:08:39,053 You are d.E.A. Scum! 1135 01:08:40,996 --> 01:08:44,432 Were there some re-writes that I missed? 1136 01:08:50,739 --> 01:08:52,229 Do you want to die? 1137 01:08:53,008 --> 01:08:54,475 - Do you? - No! 1138 01:08:54,576 --> 01:08:58,706 Please, don't hurt me! 1139 01:09:06,588 --> 01:09:07,782 Say that again. 1140 01:09:08,790 --> 01:09:10,587 Please, don't hurt me. 1141 01:09:10,692 --> 01:09:13,786 No! Like you did before! Say it! 1142 01:09:14,763 --> 01:09:15,763 Say it! 1143 01:09:15,864 --> 01:09:19,857 Please, don't hurt me! 1144 01:09:35,484 --> 01:09:38,078 - What? - You are simple Jack. 1145 01:09:41,056 --> 01:09:42,921 You saw simple Jack? 1146 01:09:43,025 --> 01:09:45,357 We love the tale of this man, simple Jack. 1147 01:09:47,062 --> 01:09:48,893 We do not have many luxury here. 1148 01:09:48,997 --> 01:09:51,431 And simple Jack is the only movie we possess. 1149 01:09:51,533 --> 01:09:55,367 You got the vhs. 1150 01:09:55,470 --> 01:09:57,529 We've watched it many, many times. 1151 01:09:57,639 --> 01:10:00,107 You should've got Oscar. 1152 01:10:03,145 --> 01:10:04,908 Well, you know. It's... 1153 01:10:06,181 --> 01:10:08,777 Just to be nominated... You were nominated? 1154 01:10:08,884 --> 01:10:10,408 No, no, no. I wasn't nominated. 1155 01:10:10,519 --> 01:10:13,682 I'm just saying that to have been nominated would have been nice. 1156 01:10:13,789 --> 01:10:16,189 It's just... it's very political. You have to take out ads... 1157 01:10:16,258 --> 01:10:18,749 - Shut up now! - Okay. Okay. 1158 01:10:19,595 --> 01:10:21,324 So, are you going to 1159 01:10:22,965 --> 01:10:24,592 let me go, or... 1160 01:10:24,700 --> 01:10:26,827 No. We'll hold you for ransom. 1161 01:10:26,935 --> 01:10:28,732 Much more money now! 1162 01:10:40,315 --> 01:10:41,315 He's in a meeting. 1163 01:10:41,416 --> 01:10:44,180 Yeah, I know. In about two seconds with the pecker. 1164 01:10:45,220 --> 01:10:47,085 I'm gonna rip your fucking tits off. 1165 01:10:47,189 --> 01:10:49,851 You wanna talk about trouble? That's trouble. 1166 01:10:49,958 --> 01:10:51,516 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 1167 01:10:53,428 --> 01:10:55,328 What do you need, peck? 1168 01:10:55,430 --> 01:10:58,058 No, more like what do you need, les? 1169 01:10:58,166 --> 01:10:59,360 Glasses? 1170 01:11:00,435 --> 01:11:01,493 What? 1171 01:11:01,603 --> 01:11:04,094 So you can read the tropic thunder contract 1172 01:11:04,206 --> 01:11:06,606 that guarantees my client, tugg speedman, 1173 01:11:06,708 --> 01:11:10,439 some form of digital video recorder on location. 1174 01:11:11,213 --> 01:11:13,340 - Huh? - I can't believe you let him in. 1175 01:11:14,983 --> 01:11:17,816 Look, fuckstick, I'm incredibly busy, so why don't you get the hell out of here 1176 01:11:17,919 --> 01:11:20,979 before I snap your dick off and jam it into your ass? 1177 01:11:21,089 --> 01:11:23,114 No, not you, Helen. 1178 01:11:23,225 --> 01:11:26,922 But I will rip your tits off if you don't get me those theaters. 1179 01:11:27,029 --> 01:11:28,553 Perfect. 1180 01:11:28,664 --> 01:11:31,098 Hey, tuggernuts, I've got you on speakerphone. 1181 01:11:31,199 --> 01:11:33,064 I'm standing here with les Grossman, 1182 01:11:33,168 --> 01:11:36,331 and he is dying to tell you why he's apparently wiped his ass 1183 01:11:36,438 --> 01:11:38,736 with the TiVo clause from your contract. 1184 01:11:39,941 --> 01:11:41,932 We are flaming dragon. 1185 01:11:42,044 --> 01:11:44,410 Speedman is with us now. 1186 01:11:44,513 --> 01:11:48,074 For 50 million, you will get him back. 1187 01:11:48,183 --> 01:11:50,344 - Are you gonna get those... - Who is this? 1188 01:11:50,452 --> 01:11:53,148 - And how did you get this phone? - We are flaming dragon! 1189 01:11:53,255 --> 01:11:55,155 Simple Jack belong to us now. 1190 01:11:57,893 --> 01:11:59,918 He does, does he? 1191 01:12:00,028 --> 01:12:02,496 Let me tell you something, shitbird. 1192 01:12:02,597 --> 01:12:05,031 I've never even heard of your little agency. 1193 01:12:05,133 --> 01:12:07,101 But if you think you can poach my client... 1194 01:12:07,202 --> 01:12:11,730 Send $50 million, or you no see simple Jack again because we kill him. 1195 01:12:11,840 --> 01:12:13,330 This is les Grossman. Who is this? 1196 01:12:13,442 --> 01:12:15,740 This is flaming dragon! 1197 01:12:15,844 --> 01:12:18,608 Okay. Flaming dragon. Fuckface. 1198 01:12:18,714 --> 01:12:23,549 First, take a big step back and literally fuck your own face! 1199 01:12:24,920 --> 01:12:27,650 Now, I don't know what kind of pan-pacific bullshit power play 1200 01:12:27,756 --> 01:12:30,224 you're trying to pull here, but Asia, Jack, is my territory. 1201 01:12:30,325 --> 01:12:31,622 So whatever you're thinking, you better think again. 1202 01:12:31,727 --> 01:12:33,092 Otherwise, I'm gonna have to head down there, 1203 01:12:33,195 --> 01:12:36,562 and I will rain down an ungodly fucking firestorm upon you. 1204 01:12:36,665 --> 01:12:38,292 You're gonna have to call the fucking united nations 1205 01:12:38,400 --> 01:12:42,427 and get a fucking binding resolution to keep me from fucking destroying you. 1206 01:12:42,537 --> 01:12:45,131 I am talking scorched earth, motherfucker! 1207 01:12:45,240 --> 01:12:47,003 I will massacre you! 1208 01:12:47,109 --> 01:12:49,043 I will fuck you up! 1209 01:12:56,852 --> 01:12:58,892 - Could you find out who that was? Go. - Yeah. Yeah. 1210 01:13:34,022 --> 01:13:37,014 You wear these. More like simple Jack teeth. 1211 01:13:37,125 --> 01:13:38,854 Okay. 1212 01:13:38,960 --> 01:13:41,622 Hey. Look, I know you're a big fan, and that's great... 1213 01:13:44,699 --> 01:13:46,326 Put teeth in! 1214 01:13:53,441 --> 01:13:55,306 Now do movie. 1215 01:13:55,410 --> 01:13:57,071 The whole movie? 1216 01:13:57,179 --> 01:13:58,840 I can't. I don't know the whole... 1217 01:13:58,947 --> 01:14:01,438 You perform! You perform or die! 1218 01:14:02,184 --> 01:14:03,674 Monkey swine! 1219 01:14:06,588 --> 01:14:07,987 Pa. 1220 01:14:09,958 --> 01:14:11,323 More stupid! 1221 01:14:13,094 --> 01:14:18,157 Pa, why you gotta make me feel bad? 1222 01:14:20,602 --> 01:14:21,933 You saw what I saw. 1223 01:14:22,037 --> 01:14:24,631 Tugg speedman is dead meat if we don't do something soon. 1224 01:14:24,739 --> 01:14:27,105 Yeah. We could do something by getting our asses back to the hotel, 1225 01:14:27,209 --> 01:14:28,540 which is in the other direction! 1226 01:14:28,643 --> 01:14:30,235 Ain't right. 1227 01:14:30,345 --> 01:14:32,370 What would've happened in the great escape 1228 01:14:32,480 --> 01:14:36,314 if Steve McQueen and them dudes had turned tail and ran? 1229 01:14:36,418 --> 01:14:40,411 Well, that's what that movie was about. They were escaping. They ran away. 1230 01:14:40,522 --> 01:14:43,150 I'm trying to agree with you. The point is they did something. 1231 01:14:43,258 --> 01:14:44,452 Then what are we supposed to do, huh? 1232 01:14:44,559 --> 01:14:48,461 'Cause he's cleaning a gun with no bullets. Yeah, that's a plan. 1233 01:14:48,563 --> 01:14:52,693 I'm just like a little boy, playing with his dick when he's nervous. 1234 01:14:55,904 --> 01:14:58,395 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 1235 01:14:58,506 --> 01:15:01,566 I got an idea. This might be a little crazy. 1236 01:15:01,676 --> 01:15:03,644 Crazy's better than nothing. 1237 01:15:03,745 --> 01:15:07,704 Back in '98, I did a low-budget titty comedy for skinemax. 1238 01:15:07,816 --> 01:15:11,149 - Sex camp. Remember it? - Yeah. 1239 01:15:11,253 --> 01:15:15,212 Anyway, me and the campers from the uncool camp 1240 01:15:15,323 --> 01:15:17,848 had to break into the rich girl camp. 1241 01:15:17,959 --> 01:15:19,654 So, what we did, 1242 01:15:19,761 --> 01:15:22,753 we built a catapult out of logs and underwear, 1243 01:15:22,864 --> 01:15:26,425 and they shot us over the wall, and we parachuted down. 1244 01:15:32,040 --> 01:15:35,567 Look, you guys, we already know the plan. 1245 01:15:35,677 --> 01:15:37,645 Are you fucking kidding me? I'm giving you gold. 1246 01:15:37,746 --> 01:15:42,115 We do it just like in the book, chapter 26, the wet offensive. 1247 01:15:42,217 --> 01:15:44,617 The book of tropic thunder. 1248 01:15:44,719 --> 01:15:46,949 Yeah, did you guys read the book? 1249 01:15:48,256 --> 01:15:50,884 The flap, I read the back flap and saw the pictures. 1250 01:15:51,660 --> 01:15:54,788 Well, it's okay. It's exactly the same as in the script. 1251 01:15:54,896 --> 01:15:55,954 Cool. 1252 01:15:57,933 --> 01:16:00,493 You guys all read the script, right? 1253 01:16:00,602 --> 01:16:02,695 I don't read the script, script reads me. 1254 01:16:03,872 --> 01:16:05,339 What the hell does that even mean? 1255 01:16:05,440 --> 01:16:08,807 What you getting at with the books, scripts? Spit that shit out, man! 1256 01:16:12,147 --> 01:16:13,978 All right. The wet offensive. 1257 01:16:15,016 --> 01:16:17,918 Osiris and fats go undercover as a diversion. 1258 01:16:18,019 --> 01:16:20,351 Motown and Brooklyn sneak in via the river. 1259 01:16:20,455 --> 01:16:22,855 Yeah. But those dudes was trained soldiers. 1260 01:16:24,726 --> 01:16:25,784 Yeah! 1261 01:16:26,861 --> 01:16:29,853 And we trained actors, motherfucker. 1262 01:16:29,965 --> 01:16:34,299 Time to man up. And I ain't gonna sugarcoat. 1263 01:16:34,402 --> 01:16:37,166 Some of us might not even make it back. 1264 01:16:37,272 --> 01:16:40,366 What do you mean? Like not on the same flight? 1265 01:16:43,078 --> 01:16:45,842 Alpa and I's already wearing earth mama's natural night camo. 1266 01:16:45,947 --> 01:16:47,778 - Cool it, Benson. - Sorry. 1267 01:16:48,850 --> 01:16:53,378 We gonna scout, get a plan together. We ain't back in 20, come looking. 1268 01:16:54,889 --> 01:16:56,754 We are flaming dragon. 1269 01:17:00,495 --> 01:17:01,689 Okay. 1270 01:17:02,998 --> 01:17:06,092 Flaming dragon's a heroin manufacturer. 1271 01:17:06,201 --> 01:17:09,295 They're responsible for an eighth of the drug trade in Asia. 1272 01:17:09,404 --> 01:17:12,635 - Huge profit margin. - Guys! 1273 01:17:12,741 --> 01:17:15,676 Would somebody please let me know what the game plan is? 1274 01:17:15,777 --> 01:17:17,506 Peck! We have it handled. 1275 01:17:17,612 --> 01:17:20,103 Please, don't interrupt. Everything's under control. 1276 01:17:20,215 --> 01:17:22,206 I got it. Got it. 1277 01:17:34,329 --> 01:17:36,559 - Les Grossman. - We not get money yet. 1278 01:17:37,098 --> 01:17:39,225 Price now 100 million! 1279 01:17:39,334 --> 01:17:42,167 You pay now, or tomorrow simple Jack die. 1280 01:17:42,270 --> 01:17:45,330 Great. Let me get this down. 1281 01:17:45,440 --> 01:17:46,873 100 million. 1282 01:17:46,975 --> 01:17:49,443 Wait! I got a better idea. 1283 01:17:50,245 --> 01:17:52,076 Instead of 100 million, 1284 01:17:52,180 --> 01:17:55,047 how about I send you a hobo's dick cheese? 1285 01:17:55,150 --> 01:17:57,470 Then you kill him! Do your thing! Skin the fucking bastard! 1286 01:17:57,552 --> 01:17:59,747 Go to town, man! Go to town! 1287 01:17:59,854 --> 01:18:02,015 - No... - In the meantime, and as usual, 1288 01:18:02,123 --> 01:18:03,784 go fuck yourself! 1289 01:18:04,893 --> 01:18:07,453 - No. - We don't negotiate with terrorists. 1290 01:18:09,564 --> 01:18:12,294 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, hey, are you insane? 1291 01:18:12,400 --> 01:18:14,231 - I think I could've done that better. - I thought it was good. 1292 01:18:14,335 --> 01:18:16,200 They're gonna kill him! 1293 01:18:19,274 --> 01:18:20,332 And? 1294 01:18:22,677 --> 01:18:23,803 "And?" 1295 01:18:25,180 --> 01:18:29,207 It's a cold, hard world. Shit happens. 1296 01:18:31,519 --> 01:18:34,716 We'll weep for him, in the press. 1297 01:18:34,856 --> 01:18:37,518 Set up a scholarship in his name. 1298 01:18:37,625 --> 01:18:41,561 Eventually, and I'm talking way, way down the road, 1299 01:18:41,663 --> 01:18:43,153 we file an insurance claim. 1300 01:18:43,264 --> 01:18:46,062 Preferably before the end of the fiscal year. 1301 01:18:46,167 --> 01:18:49,898 Actually, the claim alone would net us more than the movie would lose. 1302 01:18:52,006 --> 01:18:53,769 You can't be serious. 1303 01:18:55,009 --> 01:18:56,567 You kick in the door to my house, 1304 01:18:56,678 --> 01:19:02,139 all ants in your pants, sucking my left nut to get a TiVo scrap 1305 01:19:02,250 --> 01:19:06,846 for the third runner-up sexiest man alive 1998, 1306 01:19:06,955 --> 01:19:09,321 and you're asking if I'm serious? 1307 01:19:13,194 --> 01:19:14,889 Let's face it. 1308 01:19:14,996 --> 01:19:19,023 The kids aren't dressing up as scorcher for purim anymore. 1309 01:19:20,435 --> 01:19:23,427 Speedman is a dying star, 1310 01:19:23,538 --> 01:19:26,769 a white dwarf heading for a black hole. 1311 01:19:26,875 --> 01:19:29,605 That's physics. It's inevitable. 1312 01:19:29,711 --> 01:19:33,044 We've been handed an incredible opportunity here, peck. 1313 01:19:33,148 --> 01:19:36,982 The universe is talking to us right now. 1314 01:19:37,085 --> 01:19:38,643 You just gotta listen. 1315 01:19:51,766 --> 01:19:55,361 See, this is the good part, pecker. This is when the job gets fun. 1316 01:19:55,470 --> 01:19:56,562 Yeah. 1317 01:19:56,671 --> 01:19:59,834 Ask and you shall receive. 1318 01:20:00,875 --> 01:20:05,005 - All right. - You play ball, we play ball. 1319 01:20:05,113 --> 01:20:08,480 I know you want the goodies. 1320 01:20:08,583 --> 01:20:10,574 Welcome to the goody room. 1321 01:20:10,685 --> 01:20:15,315 You paying attention? 'Cause I'm talking g5 for the pecker. 1322 01:20:15,423 --> 01:20:16,685 That's how you're gonna roll. 1323 01:20:16,791 --> 01:20:20,750 No more frequent flier bitch Miles for my boy. 1324 01:20:20,862 --> 01:20:22,159 Yeah! 1325 01:20:22,664 --> 01:20:23,926 Playa. 1326 01:20:24,799 --> 01:20:26,130 Playa! 1327 01:20:27,168 --> 01:20:28,465 Big dick playa. 1328 01:20:28,570 --> 01:20:30,561 Swinging past your knees! 1329 01:20:30,672 --> 01:20:31,696 Big dick, baby. 1330 01:20:31,806 --> 01:20:33,000 Yep. 1331 01:20:36,344 --> 01:20:38,938 Or you can grow a conscience 1332 01:20:39,047 --> 01:20:41,413 in the next five minutes and see where that takes you. 1333 01:20:46,387 --> 01:20:48,480 Let me get this straight. 1334 01:20:48,590 --> 01:20:52,219 You want me to let my client of 15 years, 1335 01:20:52,327 --> 01:20:53,692 one of my best friends, 1336 01:20:53,795 --> 01:20:58,425 die in the jungle, alone, for some money and a g5? 1337 01:20:59,567 --> 01:21:00,693 Yes. 1338 01:21:05,773 --> 01:21:08,037 A g5 airplane? 1339 01:21:10,144 --> 01:21:11,202 Yes. 1340 01:21:12,280 --> 01:21:14,976 And lots of money. 1341 01:21:16,351 --> 01:21:18,512 Playa. 1342 01:21:21,422 --> 01:21:22,616 Yeah! 1343 01:21:23,858 --> 01:21:26,452 Smack it up, flip it, rub it down! 1344 01:21:29,030 --> 01:21:31,692 But mama take care of Jack a lot. 1345 01:21:32,533 --> 01:21:36,264 How many more sleeps before she wakes up again? 1346 01:21:36,371 --> 01:21:37,895 Sorry, Jack. 1347 01:21:38,006 --> 01:21:40,270 She in heaven now. 1348 01:21:41,042 --> 01:21:44,307 Damn! I thought the movie was bad. 1349 01:21:44,412 --> 01:21:47,540 She sleep forever. 1350 01:21:47,649 --> 01:21:50,777 To the man's credit, he's actually eased up on the retard throttle. 1351 01:21:50,885 --> 01:21:54,480 And now that's added a balance, and the audience can connect. 1352 01:21:54,589 --> 01:21:58,389 I mean, this is theater 101, but, you know, he's had a tough road. 1353 01:21:58,493 --> 01:21:59,619 He'll become a naturalist. 1354 01:21:59,727 --> 01:22:01,447 - Yeah. - Break down the aesthetic distance, 1355 01:22:01,529 --> 01:22:03,258 then the... 1356 01:22:05,933 --> 01:22:07,560 Told you I'd tag you back. 1357 01:22:10,238 --> 01:22:12,502 Can I tell you that I'm sorry 1358 01:22:12,607 --> 01:22:14,905 for any offense I might've caused, man? 1359 01:22:15,009 --> 01:22:17,375 - I just got caught up in... - In being a dumbass? 1360 01:22:17,478 --> 01:22:18,877 I guess so. 1361 01:22:18,980 --> 01:22:21,676 Why you still doing this chicken George shit, I have no idea. 1362 01:22:21,783 --> 01:22:23,080 - Neither do I. - It's beyond me. 1363 01:22:23,184 --> 01:22:25,379 - It's beyond me. - You confused. 1364 01:22:25,486 --> 01:22:27,420 - I am a little confused. - I know. 1365 01:22:29,023 --> 01:22:30,820 But are we cool? 1366 01:22:30,925 --> 01:22:32,256 Not really. 1367 01:22:36,064 --> 01:22:37,656 Hey, man. 1368 01:22:37,765 --> 01:22:39,460 - How's it going? - Good. Yourself? 1369 01:22:39,567 --> 01:22:41,592 Hey, so, if it's no big deal, 1370 01:22:41,703 --> 01:22:44,570 I think I'm just gonna hang back here for the mission. 1371 01:22:44,672 --> 01:22:46,299 Watch the stuff. 1372 01:22:46,407 --> 01:22:48,432 - Is that cool? - What? No! 1373 01:22:48,543 --> 01:22:50,443 We need you, Jeff. 1374 01:22:50,545 --> 01:22:52,137 What are you talking about? 1375 01:22:52,246 --> 01:22:53,804 Okay, look, man. 1376 01:22:55,049 --> 01:22:57,347 - I got something to tell you. - Okay. 1377 01:22:59,587 --> 01:23:02,317 You know those jellybeans I was eating? 1378 01:23:02,423 --> 01:23:05,517 Well, they weren't jellybeans, okay? 1379 01:23:06,427 --> 01:23:09,225 - They were drugs. - Really? 1380 01:23:09,330 --> 01:23:13,699 I get down there near the mother lode, I am done. I'm jonesing bad, man. 1381 01:23:13,801 --> 01:23:16,736 I'm gonna fucking do all the heroin in the fucking world. 1382 01:23:20,041 --> 01:23:24,205 If you guys wanna make it through this thing, you gotta strap me to a tree. 1383 01:23:25,580 --> 01:23:29,346 - Are you serious? - Yeah, I'm serious. Literally, a tree. 1384 01:23:29,450 --> 01:23:32,330 And you can, no matter what, you can't fucking untie me until it is done, 1385 01:23:32,420 --> 01:23:33,978 until it is out of my system. 1386 01:23:34,088 --> 01:23:35,715 I'm gonna say, "hey, man, I'm cool. It's cool. 1387 01:23:35,823 --> 01:23:37,381 "I'm finally better. I'm finally better. Untie me." 1388 01:23:37,492 --> 01:23:40,689 Don't listen to me! Anything I fucking say is a lie! 1389 01:23:40,795 --> 01:23:42,126 You got it! 1390 01:23:42,797 --> 01:23:44,856 Goodbye, mama! 1391 01:23:44,966 --> 01:23:48,094 Now you can have ice cream in heaven. 1392 01:23:48,202 --> 01:23:53,162 I'll see you tonight, when I go to bed, in my head movies. 1393 01:23:54,108 --> 01:23:58,704 But this head movie makes my eyes rain. 1394 01:24:07,755 --> 01:24:10,986 Dang. Short-bus is taking some real hits. 1395 01:24:12,860 --> 01:24:15,658 - They got him on the move! - That's torture, man. 1396 01:24:15,797 --> 01:24:18,664 Okay. That's where they keeping him. 1397 01:24:18,766 --> 01:24:20,961 I gotta get cracking on my costume. 1398 01:24:21,068 --> 01:24:22,467 Say, are you good with a needle and thread? 1399 01:24:22,570 --> 01:24:23,594 Hell, yeah. 1400 01:24:23,704 --> 01:24:27,037 Alpa chino chinos sold more than five million pairs last spring at the gap. 1401 01:24:27,141 --> 01:24:29,837 - I sewed them patterns myself, baby. - Let's roll out. 1402 01:25:01,843 --> 01:25:04,073 It's a little twig man Oscar. 1403 01:25:10,685 --> 01:25:13,085 I'm going to call you half squat. 1404 01:25:14,789 --> 01:25:16,757 And you can call me 1405 01:25:17,825 --> 01:25:19,122 papa. 1406 01:25:42,617 --> 01:25:44,346 Wow, look at all those stars. 1407 01:25:46,320 --> 01:25:48,288 Really makes a guy feel pretty small. 1408 01:25:49,824 --> 01:25:52,384 This could be the last time we look at these stars. 1409 01:25:53,361 --> 01:25:54,828 Man, that's beauty. 1410 01:25:56,764 --> 01:25:59,824 Nights like tonight make a man wonder what it's all about. 1411 01:25:59,934 --> 01:26:02,232 Hey, you guys. Anybody got some bug spray? 1412 01:26:04,071 --> 01:26:05,197 Don't ignore me! 1413 01:26:05,306 --> 01:26:08,173 Stick it out, man. We're gonna get through this. 1414 01:26:09,310 --> 01:26:11,369 - Hey, kirk? - Yeah? 1415 01:26:11,479 --> 01:26:14,312 Are you still dating Jennifer love Hewitt? 1416 01:26:14,415 --> 01:26:15,814 'Cause I think she's hot. 1417 01:26:15,917 --> 01:26:19,284 No, that was just some tabloid conjecture. 1418 01:26:19,387 --> 01:26:23,380 Hey, guys, I'm good. I made it through. You can untie me now. 1419 01:26:24,458 --> 01:26:25,789 Funny, huh? 1420 01:26:25,893 --> 01:26:28,794 The circus life 280 days a year on location. 1421 01:26:30,031 --> 01:26:32,932 It's hard to find a girl that can hang with that, you know? 1422 01:26:34,735 --> 01:26:36,794 Not one worth keeping, nohow. 1423 01:26:36,904 --> 01:26:39,202 Hey, radar? Evans? 1424 01:26:39,307 --> 01:26:40,365 No, it's Kevin. 1425 01:26:40,474 --> 01:26:42,203 Kev, whatever the fuck. Come over here. 1426 01:26:42,310 --> 01:26:44,540 I didn't tell you, but fatties: Fart three is coming down the pike, 1427 01:26:44,645 --> 01:26:48,137 and there's a role in there for you if you come over and untie me. 1428 01:26:48,249 --> 01:26:50,809 Jeff, you're just going to have to tough it out. 1429 01:26:50,918 --> 01:26:52,886 Your mother's a cankerous whore! 1430 01:26:52,987 --> 01:26:54,318 Jesus, man. 1431 01:26:55,356 --> 01:26:56,823 Hey, man. 1432 01:26:56,924 --> 01:26:59,825 Remember way back when I said your mother was a cankerous whore? 1433 01:26:59,927 --> 01:27:03,328 I'm sorry, man. I did not mean that. She's not. 1434 01:27:03,431 --> 01:27:05,126 How about you, man? 1435 01:27:05,266 --> 01:27:07,700 You got some little minx waiting for you on the other side of tomorrow? 1436 01:27:07,802 --> 01:27:09,269 Me? 1437 01:27:09,370 --> 01:27:12,134 I've barely even had a girlfriend, and... 1438 01:27:12,974 --> 01:27:16,637 I was really hoping I'd get laid when this movie came out, 1439 01:27:16,744 --> 01:27:19,144 but that's not gonna happen. 1440 01:27:20,014 --> 01:27:21,481 What about you, masterblaster? 1441 01:27:21,582 --> 01:27:24,263 You got a certain someone you trying to get with back in the states? 1442 01:27:24,318 --> 01:27:29,051 What, alpa chino? He's like 10 girls deep, 24/7. 1443 01:27:29,156 --> 01:27:30,384 No. You missing me, man. 1444 01:27:30,491 --> 01:27:32,288 I'm talking about something special. Big difference. 1445 01:27:32,393 --> 01:27:33,587 How about it? 1446 01:27:34,362 --> 01:27:35,488 Yeah. 1447 01:27:36,897 --> 01:27:38,865 Yeah, there is. 1448 01:27:38,966 --> 01:27:42,299 Well? What's the skinny? Y'all been on a date or what? 1449 01:27:42,403 --> 01:27:44,303 No. I mean... 1450 01:27:44,405 --> 01:27:49,240 I always wanted to, but I guess I just never had the courage to ask. 1451 01:27:49,343 --> 01:27:51,038 It's... it's complicated. 1452 01:27:51,145 --> 01:27:53,579 No! It's simple as pie, man. 1453 01:27:53,681 --> 01:27:56,275 You plant your feet in the ground, you look her square in the eyes, you say, 1454 01:27:56,384 --> 01:28:00,013 "hey, baby, you and me's going on a date." That's the end of story. 1455 01:28:00,121 --> 01:28:02,817 - What's her name? - Lance. 1456 01:28:02,923 --> 01:28:04,686 "Listen here, Lance..." 1457 01:28:05,559 --> 01:28:09,359 Lance? What the fuck did I just hear? Lance? 1458 01:28:09,463 --> 01:28:11,192 - Did you say "Lance"? - No! 1459 01:28:11,298 --> 01:28:13,258 - That sounded like "Lance." - No, I said "Nance." 1460 01:28:13,334 --> 01:28:15,575 - That's what I said, "Nance." - It sounded like "Lance." 1461 01:28:15,603 --> 01:28:17,127 Look, I'm alpa chino, okay? 1462 01:28:17,238 --> 01:28:18,899 I love the pussy! All right? 1463 01:28:19,006 --> 01:28:20,906 Lay your ass back down and look at the stars. 1464 01:28:21,042 --> 01:28:22,373 When you wrote I love tha pussy 1465 01:28:22,476 --> 01:28:25,843 was you thinking of dangling your dice on Lance's forehead? 1466 01:28:25,946 --> 01:28:28,312 Oh, hell, no! What? Come on. Look. 1467 01:28:28,416 --> 01:28:31,351 - Man, everyone's gay once in a while. - I'm not gay! 1468 01:28:31,452 --> 01:28:32,476 This Hollywood. 1469 01:28:32,586 --> 01:28:33,644 How about we all get back to work? 1470 01:28:33,754 --> 01:28:35,415 - Okay. Cool. - This is ridiculous! 1471 01:28:35,523 --> 01:28:38,424 We got a big day tomorrow. Let's get focused. 1472 01:28:40,995 --> 01:28:45,830 Alpa, if you untie me, I will literally suck your dick right now. 1473 01:28:45,933 --> 01:28:49,164 I told you, for the last time, I love the pussy! 1474 01:28:50,538 --> 01:28:53,371 I'll cradle the balls, stroke the shaft, 1475 01:28:53,474 --> 01:28:56,568 work the pipe and swallow the gravy. 1476 01:28:56,677 --> 01:28:58,736 Get it over here, buddy. Let's do this. 1477 01:29:05,319 --> 01:29:06,377 Okay, so, what's the plan? 1478 01:29:06,487 --> 01:29:07,886 Are you gonna talk vietnamese to those dudes? 1479 01:29:07,988 --> 01:29:09,751 No. No. Mandarin Chinese. 1480 01:29:09,857 --> 01:29:11,552 Which, from what I can tell, is what they speaking down there. 1481 01:29:11,659 --> 01:29:13,217 How the hell do you know Chinese? 1482 01:29:13,327 --> 01:29:16,785 Land of silk and money with gong li. Second globe, third Oscar. 1483 01:29:16,897 --> 01:29:20,856 Prepped for that one by working in a Beijing textile factory for eight months. 1484 01:29:20,968 --> 01:29:22,902 That might be our ride. 1485 01:29:39,653 --> 01:29:40,881 The straps are too tight! 1486 01:29:40,988 --> 01:29:43,354 Shut your mouth and follow my lead. 1487 01:30:11,252 --> 01:30:14,221 The straps are cutting off my circulation! 1488 01:30:14,321 --> 01:30:15,321 Fuck you! 1489 01:30:22,797 --> 01:30:25,698 Not the fucking bull again. Fucking asshole. 1490 01:31:19,753 --> 01:31:22,449 Laz, don't let him take me off the yak. 1491 01:31:26,961 --> 01:31:29,225 Bitch whore! Fucking hate you! 1492 01:31:39,373 --> 01:31:40,567 Okay. 1493 01:31:42,776 --> 01:31:44,334 All right. 1494 01:31:44,445 --> 01:31:46,845 That looks like it could be the munitions hut right there. 1495 01:31:46,947 --> 01:31:49,006 I'm gonna try to find speedman in the main building. 1496 01:32:06,901 --> 01:32:10,598 I don't know Chinese but it sounds like your improvising is for shit. 1497 01:32:10,704 --> 01:32:11,830 Oh, fuck! 1498 01:32:27,354 --> 01:32:28,946 Get over here! 1499 01:32:30,324 --> 01:32:31,882 - What are you guys doing here? - He has hands. 1500 01:32:31,992 --> 01:32:34,392 - He killed Damien. - Bullshit! 1501 01:32:34,495 --> 01:32:36,986 - He blinded Jamie Lee Curtis. - Almost! 1502 01:32:37,097 --> 01:32:40,294 What are you talking about? Damien stepped on a old landmine. 1503 01:32:40,401 --> 01:32:41,959 Sweet. Thank God. 1504 01:32:42,069 --> 01:32:44,264 - We busting speedman out. - Speedman's here? 1505 01:33:12,433 --> 01:33:15,027 I take it y'all are doing the wet offensive from the book. 1506 01:33:15,135 --> 01:33:16,397 I can give y'all a diversion. 1507 01:33:16,503 --> 01:33:20,439 I got enough shit here to light this place up like it's the fourth of fucking July. 1508 01:34:01,915 --> 01:34:04,383 Yes, your farm. 1509 01:34:08,756 --> 01:34:11,156 Where is your farm, 1510 01:34:12,726 --> 01:34:14,193 American? 1511 01:34:17,031 --> 01:34:18,293 My farm? 1512 01:34:20,234 --> 01:34:21,496 Oh, shit. 1513 01:34:22,269 --> 01:34:25,466 Here's my motherfucking farm! 1514 01:34:25,572 --> 01:34:27,062 Yeah! 1515 01:34:32,012 --> 01:34:35,004 Yeah! Chicka-chickaw, baby! 1516 01:34:36,016 --> 01:34:37,210 Kwan-lo! 1517 01:34:38,719 --> 01:34:40,619 I'm a lead farmer, motherfucker! 1518 01:34:41,121 --> 01:34:42,281 Yeah! 1519 01:34:43,857 --> 01:34:47,054 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, keep your head down! 1520 01:34:47,161 --> 01:34:49,425 Keep your head down on the ground! 1521 01:34:49,530 --> 01:34:51,691 Nobody move or I do the little big guy! 1522 01:34:51,799 --> 01:34:55,235 That's right, we running this program now, j.P. 1523 01:34:55,335 --> 01:34:57,963 Now show me where the drugs are. 1524 01:34:58,072 --> 01:34:59,869 What the fuck? 1525 01:34:59,973 --> 01:35:01,668 That ain't the plan! 1526 01:35:01,775 --> 01:35:03,470 Don't judge me! 1527 01:35:07,147 --> 01:35:08,910 He's got a real serious problem. 1528 01:35:09,716 --> 01:35:11,980 Hey! Hey, you! 1529 01:35:12,086 --> 01:35:16,049 Take off your clothes! 1530 01:35:16,156 --> 01:35:17,453 What do we do now? 1531 01:35:17,558 --> 01:35:19,389 Stick with the plan. Find speedman. 1532 01:35:19,493 --> 01:35:21,893 Alpa, keep this clown posse down. Come on now. 1533 01:35:21,995 --> 01:35:25,362 Y'all heard the man. Be suede, don't move! 1534 01:35:25,466 --> 01:35:27,366 Fuck your do-rag. Fuck your do-rag. 1535 01:35:27,468 --> 01:35:29,959 - Door! - One, two, three! 1536 01:35:43,250 --> 01:35:45,081 I go high, you go low. 1537 01:35:49,456 --> 01:35:53,324 Get down. Get down! Get down! Chow yun-fat, get the hell down! 1538 01:35:53,427 --> 01:35:56,726 If I see one more head pop up, it's gonna be bullet whac-a-mole. 1539 01:35:58,298 --> 01:35:59,731 Come on, come on! 1540 01:35:59,833 --> 01:36:01,824 - Smoke grenade. - Don't drop it now. 1541 01:36:02,503 --> 01:36:04,061 Here. 1542 01:36:04,171 --> 01:36:06,568 - What's this? - I don't know what it's called. 1543 01:36:06,673 --> 01:36:09,267 I just know the sound it makes when it lies. 1544 01:36:09,376 --> 01:36:12,903 Don't move, matchbox, or I will shoot you. 1545 01:36:13,013 --> 01:36:15,880 I'm gonna put on this thing. Don't move. 1546 01:36:15,983 --> 01:36:17,712 I can still see you. 1547 01:36:23,857 --> 01:36:24,949 Tugg! 1548 01:36:27,494 --> 01:36:28,654 Tugg? 1549 01:36:30,731 --> 01:36:31,925 Gotcha. 1550 01:36:33,100 --> 01:36:36,001 Roll your shit up, man. We going home. 1551 01:36:36,103 --> 01:36:37,229 Home? 1552 01:36:39,373 --> 01:36:43,207 But I'm doing five shows a day for a standing-room-only crowd. 1553 01:36:43,310 --> 01:36:45,870 Don't you get it? I already am home. 1554 01:36:48,182 --> 01:36:51,310 All right, now, dude, you gotta get it... 1555 01:36:51,418 --> 01:36:53,613 My son gave this to me. 1556 01:36:53,720 --> 01:36:57,212 - That's your stick buddy? - His name is twigman. 1557 01:36:57,324 --> 01:36:59,155 Does he wanna come with us? 1558 01:37:20,147 --> 01:37:22,274 Get down! Get down! Get down! 1559 01:37:22,382 --> 01:37:27,342 Maybe y'all heard of me. Y'all heard of alpa chino? No? 1560 01:37:27,454 --> 01:37:29,922 I love that pussy, hell, yeah, hell, yeah 1561 01:37:30,023 --> 01:37:31,149 they're not your demo, dude. 1562 01:37:31,625 --> 01:37:34,025 Come on. Six motherfucking vmas, baby. 1563 01:37:34,127 --> 01:37:37,324 Two bet awards. Alpa chino. 1564 01:37:37,431 --> 01:37:43,836 Like him in carlito's way? 1565 01:37:44,204 --> 01:37:46,866 Hey, yo, you know what? Speak English. I don't speak that stuff. 1566 01:37:46,974 --> 01:37:48,908 What're you sayin'? Huh? 1567 01:37:49,009 --> 01:37:53,571 Devil's advocate. Dog day afternoon. 1568 01:37:53,947 --> 01:37:56,780 Cruising. Sea of love. 1569 01:37:56,883 --> 01:37:59,875 Real Al Pacino. 1570 01:37:59,987 --> 01:38:03,582 Get the fuck down. That's a whole different dude altogether. 1571 01:38:03,690 --> 01:38:06,750 What you doing? What you doing? Don't touch that gun. 1572 01:38:06,860 --> 01:38:08,259 Don't do it! Don't touch that gun! 1573 01:38:08,362 --> 01:38:10,660 On my momma, if you touch that gun... 1574 01:38:15,302 --> 01:38:17,702 - Oh, shit, it's on! - Over here! 1575 01:38:52,105 --> 01:38:53,868 - What're you doing? - I'm gonna give these boys 1576 01:38:53,974 --> 01:38:55,601 a hanoi high-five. 1577 01:39:08,255 --> 01:39:09,620 Shadow me, Pinocchio! 1578 01:39:10,390 --> 01:39:11,618 Smoke! 1579 01:39:17,464 --> 01:39:19,159 Oh, shit! 1580 01:39:24,004 --> 01:39:25,528 Jeff, don't! 1581 01:39:26,373 --> 01:39:28,364 It doesn't matter what I do. 1582 01:39:28,475 --> 01:39:31,444 I'll always be a screw-up. No one'll ever respect me. 1583 01:39:31,545 --> 01:39:35,538 That is not true, you are not a screw-up! You make so many people laugh. 1584 01:39:35,649 --> 01:39:37,879 They only laugh at my farts. 1585 01:39:37,984 --> 01:39:39,975 Jeff, we really need to go now! 1586 01:39:40,087 --> 01:39:41,679 This is all I deserve! 1587 01:40:01,842 --> 01:40:04,072 Laugh at that, you bastards! 1588 01:40:04,177 --> 01:40:07,578 Hilarious! Hilarious! 1589 01:40:09,116 --> 01:40:11,949 Let's move. We only have 16 hours before they wake up. 1590 01:40:28,235 --> 01:40:29,827 Sounds like the dinner bell's ringing. 1591 01:40:29,936 --> 01:40:32,871 These assholes are gonna be crawling in here ready to fucking eat us. 1592 01:40:35,809 --> 01:40:38,676 There. All right, you keep six right here. 1593 01:40:40,614 --> 01:40:42,775 Come on, let's go. 1594 01:40:42,883 --> 01:40:44,817 Come on, what are you guys doing? Let's get out of here! 1595 01:40:44,918 --> 01:40:46,579 He's on tilt status. 1596 01:40:46,686 --> 01:40:50,645 Same thing happened to me when I played Neil Armstrong in moonshot. 1597 01:40:50,757 --> 01:40:52,850 They found me in an alley in Burbank 1598 01:40:52,959 --> 01:40:56,190 trying to re-enter the earth's atmosphere in an old refrigerator box. 1599 01:40:56,930 --> 01:40:57,988 What're you talking about? 1600 01:40:58,098 --> 01:41:00,464 Come on, fellas, we really need to go. 1601 01:41:00,567 --> 01:41:05,004 Daggomit, blamtucky, I ain't re-programming a vcr. 1602 01:41:10,911 --> 01:41:13,141 Give me the flame thrower. You gotta start the chopper. 1603 01:41:13,246 --> 01:41:16,682 - No, fuck that! Just give me this. - No time! I'll take care of this! 1604 01:41:17,918 --> 01:41:19,818 All right. Give me your hooks. 1605 01:41:19,920 --> 01:41:21,547 Don't worry, I'm not gonna put them on again. 1606 01:41:21,655 --> 01:41:24,488 - Just give me your goddamn hooks. - All right. Here. 1607 01:41:24,591 --> 01:41:26,752 Get those boys back to the bird, pronto! 1608 01:41:31,698 --> 01:41:33,859 Shit! Enough! 1609 01:41:33,967 --> 01:41:35,867 Fake shit! 1610 01:41:38,972 --> 01:41:40,098 Fuck! 1611 01:41:47,814 --> 01:41:50,977 Go get your guys! Get them to the chopper! 1612 01:41:51,084 --> 01:41:53,177 I'll take care of these yahoos! 1613 01:41:55,222 --> 01:41:57,486 You're gonna focus up now, motherfucker, and say it. 1614 01:41:57,591 --> 01:41:59,718 - "It's me, tugg!" - It's me, tugg. 1615 01:41:59,826 --> 01:42:01,293 That's right! Now, tugg who? 1616 01:42:01,394 --> 01:42:04,192 - Tugg who? I don't know. Who are you? - Me? 1617 01:42:04,297 --> 01:42:05,992 I know who I am! 1618 01:42:06,099 --> 01:42:09,830 I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude. 1619 01:42:09,936 --> 01:42:10,994 What? 1620 01:42:11,104 --> 01:42:13,197 You a dude that don't know what dude he is! 1621 01:42:13,306 --> 01:42:16,002 Or are you a dude who has no idea what dude he is 1622 01:42:16,109 --> 01:42:17,371 and claims to know what dude he is... 1623 01:42:17,477 --> 01:42:19,240 What the fuck are you guys talking about? 1624 01:42:19,346 --> 01:42:20,438 By playing other dudes? 1625 01:42:20,547 --> 01:42:21,741 I know what dude I am! 1626 01:42:21,848 --> 01:42:24,646 - You're scared. - I ain't scared. Scared of what? 1627 01:42:24,751 --> 01:42:26,013 Or scared of who? 1628 01:42:26,119 --> 01:42:28,713 - Scared of who? - Come on, guys. We really need to go! 1629 01:42:28,822 --> 01:42:30,084 Scared of you. 1630 01:42:34,995 --> 01:42:37,327 - Jesus. - What's going on? 1631 01:42:37,430 --> 01:42:38,954 The dudes are emerging. 1632 01:42:39,065 --> 01:42:40,396 He's right, you know. 1633 01:42:42,168 --> 01:42:43,567 I am not 1634 01:42:45,138 --> 01:42:46,833 sergeant Lincoln osiris. 1635 01:42:51,244 --> 01:42:52,711 We gotta roll out. 1636 01:42:52,812 --> 01:42:56,043 Nor am I father O'Malley. 1637 01:42:58,285 --> 01:43:01,220 Or Neil Armstrong. 1638 01:43:08,795 --> 01:43:10,956 I think I might be nobody. 1639 01:43:12,365 --> 01:43:13,525 Wow! 1640 01:43:13,633 --> 01:43:16,295 The insecurity level with you guys is ridiculous! 1641 01:43:17,571 --> 01:43:20,540 - Everybody's got issues! - Yeah, man, everybody got issues. 1642 01:43:20,640 --> 01:43:23,200 Come on! You're kirk Lazarus. 1643 01:43:23,310 --> 01:43:25,471 You're the whole reason I got into acting. 1644 01:43:25,579 --> 01:43:27,410 I memorized every single monologue 1645 01:43:27,514 --> 01:43:30,108 you ever did when I was in theater school. 1646 01:43:30,216 --> 01:43:32,241 - Really? - Yeah. And look, tugg! 1647 01:43:32,352 --> 01:43:34,786 I saw scorcher I 24 times when I was in eighth grade. 1648 01:43:34,888 --> 01:43:37,857 That shit blew me away! I got high to that shit! You the man! 1649 01:43:37,958 --> 01:43:41,086 Yeah, man, scorcher I was great. Let's get the fuck out of here! 1650 01:43:41,194 --> 01:43:45,324 Tugg, tugger, you're the last piece of the puzzle, buddy. 1651 01:43:45,432 --> 01:43:48,424 We need you! Your men need you! Are you with us? 1652 01:43:52,772 --> 01:43:54,763 I'm a rooster illusion. 1653 01:43:54,874 --> 01:43:56,068 Fuck it. We'll deal with him later. 1654 01:43:56,176 --> 01:43:59,339 Let's move. Come on. Come on. Double time. Gotta go! 1655 01:44:01,881 --> 01:44:03,678 Come on, come on, come on. 1656 01:44:07,454 --> 01:44:09,388 Bingo! Move out. 1657 01:44:11,324 --> 01:44:12,689 Oh, God. 1658 01:44:14,661 --> 01:44:17,528 Just say no to this, you drug-making midget. 1659 01:44:22,102 --> 01:44:23,569 Gotta hold on! 1660 01:44:29,743 --> 01:44:31,108 Four leaf! 1661 01:44:35,849 --> 01:44:37,180 You grew hands? 1662 01:44:46,426 --> 01:44:47,950 Rpg, gentlemen! 1663 01:44:50,730 --> 01:44:52,254 Where are you going? 1664 01:44:57,771 --> 01:45:00,296 Oh, my God. I am moving to catering after this. 1665 01:45:22,328 --> 01:45:23,659 My ass! 1666 01:45:26,900 --> 01:45:28,231 My ass! 1667 01:45:29,836 --> 01:45:33,101 Hey, yo! We gotta get our shit together, tugg! 1668 01:45:33,206 --> 01:45:35,436 We gotta get his cracker ass to the chopper! 1669 01:45:35,542 --> 01:45:39,842 Are you still crazy? We gotta get candisky to the chopper! 1670 01:45:39,946 --> 01:45:41,413 It's sandusky. 1671 01:45:43,283 --> 01:45:46,582 - Kevin sandusky. - That's my name. 1672 01:45:46,686 --> 01:45:48,278 You remembered my name. 1673 01:45:48,388 --> 01:45:50,413 Alpa, go help Cody. 1674 01:45:50,523 --> 01:45:52,514 Portnoy, get sandusky back to the chopper. Go! 1675 01:45:52,625 --> 01:45:54,456 - I got him! - Let's go! 1676 01:45:55,895 --> 01:45:57,419 Let's get out of here! 1677 01:46:09,309 --> 01:46:10,799 Hey, leaf! 1678 01:46:10,910 --> 01:46:12,138 - Leaf! - Yeah. 1679 01:46:12,245 --> 01:46:13,245 Hit the plunger 1680 01:46:13,346 --> 01:46:15,106 - as soon as they clear the bridge! - Got it! 1681 01:46:19,786 --> 01:46:22,220 Come on! Get in the chopper! 1682 01:46:22,422 --> 01:46:25,220 - Come on! Move! - Kirk! Wait! 1683 01:46:29,763 --> 01:46:31,390 Laz, I'm gonna blow the bridge! 1684 01:46:31,498 --> 01:46:33,295 Are you the special effects guy? 1685 01:46:33,399 --> 01:46:35,526 - You God damn right I am. - Fuck yeah! 1686 01:46:35,935 --> 01:46:37,129 Leaf's about to blow the bridge. Come on! 1687 01:46:37,237 --> 01:46:39,831 You don't have to! You don't have to! I'm staying. 1688 01:46:39,939 --> 01:46:41,429 No, I can't let you do that, mate. We gotta go. 1689 01:46:41,541 --> 01:46:44,066 No, I'm telling you, I'm not being crazy. They'll listen to me. 1690 01:46:44,177 --> 01:46:46,668 I know it sounds weird, but I have a connection with them. 1691 01:46:46,780 --> 01:46:49,660 You're not doing tofu dinner theater for these motherfuckers. Let's roll! 1692 01:46:49,682 --> 01:46:53,516 - Get over here! - I have a son now. Little half squat. 1693 01:46:53,620 --> 01:46:55,178 Who in crikey fuck is half squat? 1694 01:46:55,288 --> 01:46:57,518 He's my son. He's my boy! 1695 01:46:57,624 --> 01:47:00,058 He needs me. I have to go back to him. 1696 01:47:03,196 --> 01:47:04,857 You tell the world what happened here. 1697 01:47:04,964 --> 01:47:06,795 What happened here? 1698 01:47:06,900 --> 01:47:09,130 I don't know, but you need to tell them. 1699 01:47:11,504 --> 01:47:13,335 I got this. 1700 01:47:13,439 --> 01:47:14,599 Tugg! 1701 01:47:15,308 --> 01:47:18,869 You take care of the boys! I'll deal with these guys. 1702 01:47:20,280 --> 01:47:23,875 Where is he going? We're gonna fucking die! 1703 01:47:23,983 --> 01:47:26,611 Laz, come on. He joined the circus. Let's go. 1704 01:47:26,719 --> 01:47:27,913 - You've got hands. - Yeah. 1705 01:47:28,021 --> 01:47:30,148 - Fuck! You've got hands? - Come on! 1706 01:47:31,224 --> 01:47:32,350 - Come on! - Get in! 1707 01:47:32,458 --> 01:47:34,085 - Come on! - He's staying? 1708 01:47:34,194 --> 01:47:36,458 Go! He's a lost cause, mate! Get out of here! 1709 01:47:41,034 --> 01:47:45,528 I was wrong! Blow the bridge! Blow the fucking bridge! 1710 01:47:51,377 --> 01:47:52,776 I got this. 1711 01:47:53,446 --> 01:47:54,879 Leaf, no! 1712 01:48:39,025 --> 01:48:41,653 It's over! He's gone! 1713 01:48:41,761 --> 01:48:43,820 Cody! We gotta go! 1714 01:48:45,832 --> 01:48:47,026 Look. 1715 01:49:09,656 --> 01:49:10,987 Think he's done. 1716 01:49:11,090 --> 01:49:12,318 Cover me! 1717 01:49:13,393 --> 01:49:16,328 - Come on! - Wait, come back! 1718 01:49:16,429 --> 01:49:18,158 How do we cover him? 1719 01:49:22,402 --> 01:49:25,803 All right, game over. Come on, mate. Come on. 1720 01:49:25,905 --> 01:49:28,499 - You all right, man? - I'm cold. 1721 01:49:28,608 --> 01:49:30,599 I can't feel my legs. 1722 01:49:30,710 --> 01:49:33,645 No, no, they're in a puddle, mate. See? There's a puddle right there. 1723 01:49:33,746 --> 01:49:34,940 - No worries. - Good. 1724 01:49:35,048 --> 01:49:36,345 Come on, we gotta split, man. 1725 01:49:36,449 --> 01:49:38,747 - You guys came back for me. - Course. 1726 01:49:38,851 --> 01:49:41,183 Hey! I want you to know something. 1727 01:49:41,287 --> 01:49:42,481 What? 1728 01:49:43,656 --> 01:49:45,453 I know who you are. 1729 01:49:47,560 --> 01:49:49,323 You're my friend. 1730 01:49:51,597 --> 01:49:53,224 You're my brother. 1731 01:49:54,100 --> 01:49:56,933 But like a really cool brother, you know? 1732 01:49:57,036 --> 01:49:58,401 Like a brother where there was no animosity or... 1733 01:49:58,504 --> 01:50:01,337 Don't look now, you got some real tears going. 1734 01:50:01,441 --> 01:50:02,441 Really? 1735 01:50:02,542 --> 01:50:04,032 That's the stuff that accolades are made of. 1736 01:50:04,143 --> 01:50:05,610 Jesus, let's go, man! 1737 01:50:05,712 --> 01:50:07,813 All right? 1738 01:50:08,748 --> 01:50:10,181 Upsy-Daisy. 1739 01:50:11,951 --> 01:50:14,943 Come on! Come on! Come on! Let's go! Let's go! 1740 01:50:17,090 --> 01:50:18,387 Get in! Get in! 1741 01:50:18,491 --> 01:50:20,516 Come on! Here we go! 1742 01:50:23,062 --> 01:50:25,860 Tuggernuts! I got it! 1743 01:50:28,234 --> 01:50:30,532 - Tugger! - Rick! 1744 01:50:33,139 --> 01:50:34,367 What the fuck? 1745 01:50:34,474 --> 01:50:36,101 I got the TiVo! 1746 01:50:37,010 --> 01:50:41,413 My friend wants a TiVo, my friend gets a TiVo! 1747 01:50:46,586 --> 01:50:47,848 Oh, shit! 1748 01:51:24,690 --> 01:51:26,715 And the Oscar goes to... 1749 01:51:29,462 --> 01:51:31,760 Yes! Tugg speedman. 1750 01:51:33,399 --> 01:51:36,095 "Tropic blunder, the true story behind the making 1751 01:51:36,202 --> 01:51:38,727 "of the most expensive fake true war story ever." 1752 01:51:40,306 --> 01:51:41,432 Yeah! 1753 01:51:46,145 --> 01:51:48,045 Yeah, you son of a bitch! 1754 01:52:07,366 --> 01:52:11,735 Eight oscars, $400 million 1755 01:52:11,838 --> 01:52:15,069 and you saved tugg speedman's career. 1756 01:52:15,174 --> 01:52:18,041 I couldn't have done it without you, slolom. 1757 01:52:20,079 --> 01:52:21,171 Really? 1758 01:52:21,280 --> 01:52:23,271 No, dickhead, of course I could. 1759 01:52:23,382 --> 01:52:26,044 - A nutless monkey could do your job. - Well, I... 1760 01:52:26,152 --> 01:52:29,053 Now, go get drunk and take credit at all the parties. 1761 01:52:29,155 --> 01:52:31,851 - I would never do that to... - Joking. 1762 01:52:31,958 --> 01:52:33,323 - Yeah? - Yeah. 1763 01:52:33,426 --> 01:52:35,621 Very... okay, there he is. 1764 01:52:35,728 --> 01:52:37,218 - There he is. Okay. - Go have fun. 1765 01:52:37,330 --> 01:52:38,854 All right. We're having a... 1766 01:52:38,965 --> 01:52:41,445 Fuck, okay. Thank you, les. Thank you. You have a good night... 1767 01:52:41,467 --> 01:52:43,867 But seriously, a nutless monkey could do your job. 1768 01:52:43,970 --> 01:52:45,699 Good. Thank you, sir.137307