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1
00:00:03,256 --> 00:00:06,258
( theme music playing )
2
00:00:06,260 --> 00:00:09,061
( train chugging )
3
00:00:23,810 --> 00:00:25,745
YOU FIND ME STANDING
IN THE CORRIDOR
4
00:00:25,747 --> 00:00:28,147
OF THE 11:15 EXPRESS
TO GENEVA.
5
00:00:28,149 --> 00:00:30,683
I AM HERE BECAUSE
IT WAS MY PLAN TO ELOPE
6
00:00:30,685 --> 00:00:32,985
TO THE SWISS MOUNTAINS
WITH MY WAITRESS, YVETTE.
7
00:00:32,987 --> 00:00:35,688
UNFORTUNATELY,
MY WIFE, EDITH,
8
00:00:35,690 --> 00:00:38,658
RECEIVED THE NOTE WHICH WAS
INTENDED FOR YVETTE.
9
00:00:38,660 --> 00:00:41,594
SO THE SLEEPING BUNK WHICH
SHOULD BE OCCUPIED BY YVETTE,
10
00:00:41,596 --> 00:00:44,030
AT THE MOMENT
CONTAINS EDITH.
11
00:00:44,032 --> 00:00:46,365
THE TRAIN IS TRAVELING
AT 70 MILES AN HOUR,
12
00:00:46,367 --> 00:00:48,067
SO I CANNOT
THROW MYSELF OFF.
13
00:00:48,069 --> 00:00:51,270
RENE, RENE?
14
00:00:51,272 --> 00:00:54,040
OH, RENE,
COME TO BED.
15
00:00:54,042 --> 00:00:56,175
IN A MOMENT, MY LOVE,
16
00:00:56,177 --> 00:00:58,377
AFTER I HAVE BEEN
TO THE LITTLE BOY'S ROOM.
17
00:00:58,379 --> 00:01:00,580
FORGIVE ME FOR BEING
SO IMPATIENT.
18
00:01:01,882 --> 00:01:04,349
IT IS LIKE
THE FIRST NIGHT
OF MY HONEYMOON.
19
00:01:04,351 --> 00:01:06,385
MY HEART IS
POUNDING IN TIME
20
00:01:06,387 --> 00:01:07,987
TO THE PISTONS
OF THE ENGINE.
21
00:01:14,127 --> 00:01:16,228
AS YOU CAN SEE,
SHE HAS BUILT UP
22
00:01:16,230 --> 00:01:18,230
QUITE A HEAD OF STEAM.
23
00:01:18,232 --> 00:01:20,700
I MUST HIDE AND THINK
OF WHAT TO DO NEXT.
24
00:01:27,007 --> 00:01:29,575
STOP FIDGETING, GRUBER.
25
00:01:29,577 --> 00:01:31,410
I'M SORRY, COLONEL.
26
00:01:33,279 --> 00:01:35,815
I FIND IT
MOST FRUSTRATING
27
00:01:35,817 --> 00:01:36,983
TO THINK THAT
THE GENUINE PAINTINGS
28
00:01:36,985 --> 00:01:38,584
ARE JUST
A FEW FEET FROM US,
29
00:01:38,586 --> 00:01:39,719
IN THAT SAFE.
30
00:01:39,721 --> 00:01:42,554
COULD WE NOT BLOW THE LOCK
WITH OUR PISTOLS?
31
00:01:42,556 --> 00:01:44,857
WE WANT TO SUBSTITUTE
THESE FORGERIES
32
00:01:44,859 --> 00:01:46,692
WITHOUT AROUSING SUSPICION.
33
00:01:46,694 --> 00:01:49,228
WE MUST RELY ON HELGA.
34
00:01:49,230 --> 00:01:52,531
HAVE YOU GOT THE KEY
FROM THE SWEDISH
ART EXPERT?
35
00:01:52,533 --> 00:01:54,466
I HAVE NOT YET
LOCATED HIM.
36
00:01:54,468 --> 00:01:56,902
WHY DO YOU NOT FIND
THE SLEEPING CAR
ATTENDANT
37
00:01:56,904 --> 00:01:58,470
AND TAKE A LOOK
AT HIS PLAN?
38
00:01:58,472 --> 00:02:01,607
GOOD THINKING!
HAVE YOU THE PILLS
TO DRUG HIS COFFEE?
39
00:02:01,609 --> 00:02:03,208
- IN MY HANDBAG.
- GOOD.
40
00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:05,945
WHEN HE IS UNCONSCIOUS,
YOU WILL OBTAIN THE KEY
OF THE SAFE.
41
00:02:05,947 --> 00:02:07,613
YES, COLONEL.
42
00:02:16,657 --> 00:02:18,124
( shriek )
43
00:02:18,126 --> 00:02:20,592
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
44
00:02:20,594 --> 00:02:22,394
( snoring )
45
00:02:22,396 --> 00:02:24,163
SORRY, SORRY.
46
00:02:25,832 --> 00:02:27,332
AH, THANK GOD.
47
00:02:37,343 --> 00:02:39,145
HOW DID SHE GET HERE?
48
00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:42,081
SHE ALSO MUST HAVE
FOUND THE NOTE,
49
00:02:42,083 --> 00:02:43,582
AND THOUGHT IT WAS FOR HER.
50
00:02:43,584 --> 00:02:46,085
ONE SHOULD NEVER PUT
ANYTHING IN WRITING.
51
00:02:49,422 --> 00:02:50,622
( shriek )
52
00:02:50,624 --> 00:02:51,857
SORRY.
53
00:02:53,493 --> 00:02:54,927
( snoring )
54
00:02:54,929 --> 00:02:56,562
BEG YOUR PARDON.
55
00:02:58,965 --> 00:03:02,101
RENE, AT LAST
I HAVE FOUND YOU.
56
00:03:02,103 --> 00:03:05,204
MIMI, WHERE HAVE
YOU BEEN?
57
00:03:05,206 --> 00:03:06,739
RENE, YOU LEFT ME THE NOTE,
58
00:03:06,741 --> 00:03:08,240
BUT YOU DID NOT
LEAVE ME THE TICKET.
59
00:03:08,242 --> 00:03:10,209
OH, EDITH HAS GOT
THE TICKET.
60
00:03:10,211 --> 00:03:12,277
SHE THOUGHT THE NOTE
WAS FOR HER.
61
00:03:12,279 --> 00:03:13,478
SHE'S ON THE TRAIN.
62
00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:15,380
SHE-- SHE MUST NOT
FIND US.
63
00:03:15,382 --> 00:03:17,049
Edith:
RENE.
64
00:03:17,051 --> 00:03:18,483
OH MY GOD.
65
00:03:18,485 --> 00:03:20,219
SORRY.
66
00:03:21,988 --> 00:03:23,522
I WILL HIDE WITH YOU.
67
00:03:23,524 --> 00:03:25,290
OH, YES.
68
00:03:25,292 --> 00:03:27,059
RENE,
69
00:03:27,061 --> 00:03:28,260
RENE.
70
00:03:33,233 --> 00:03:34,266
( shriek )
71
00:03:34,268 --> 00:03:36,035
OH, SORRY!
72
00:03:38,238 --> 00:03:39,705
( snore )
73
00:03:40,841 --> 00:03:43,008
PARDON.
74
00:03:43,010 --> 00:03:44,343
( kissing noises )
75
00:03:44,345 --> 00:03:46,746
AAH, HONEYMOONERS.
76
00:03:56,256 --> 00:03:58,557
WHAT AM I
GOING TO DO?
77
00:03:59,726 --> 00:04:01,560
STAY HERE AND HAVE
A GOOD THINK.
78
00:04:05,165 --> 00:04:07,966
THE COFFEE IS
NEARLY READY,
HERR FLICK.
79
00:04:07,968 --> 00:04:11,036
WE WILL NOW PROCEED
TO EACH COMPARTMENT
80
00:04:11,038 --> 00:04:13,439
ON THE PRETEXT
OF TAKING ORDERS FOR COFFEE.
81
00:04:14,641 --> 00:04:16,776
HERE IS A PICTURE
OF THE SWEDISH ART EXPERT.
82
00:04:16,778 --> 00:04:19,345
FIX IT FIRMLY
IN YOUR MIND.
83
00:04:19,347 --> 00:04:21,681
WHEN WE FIND HIM,
WE WILL DRUG HIS COFFEE,
84
00:04:21,683 --> 00:04:23,949
REMOVE THE KEY,
SEIZE THE PAINTING,
85
00:04:23,951 --> 00:04:27,052
PULL THE COMMUNICATION CORD
AND VANISH INTO THE NIGHT.
86
00:04:27,054 --> 00:04:30,289
( giggling )
IT'S A DEVILISH PLAN.
87
00:04:30,291 --> 00:04:31,524
OF COURSE.
88
00:04:31,526 --> 00:04:32,725
PROCEED.
89
00:04:32,727 --> 00:04:36,161
ORDERS FOR COFFEE.
90
00:04:36,163 --> 00:04:38,263
ORDERS FOR COFFEE.
91
00:04:41,635 --> 00:04:44,737
MIMI, MY DEAR SWEET,
UNSOPHISTICATED CHILD,
92
00:04:44,739 --> 00:04:47,506
OF COURSE I WANT
TO ELOPE WITH YOU.
93
00:04:47,508 --> 00:04:49,775
BUT EDITH ALSO
FOUND THAT NOTE,
94
00:04:49,777 --> 00:04:51,811
AND THOUGHT
IT WAS FOR HER.
95
00:04:51,813 --> 00:04:55,614
THAT IS WHY
SHE IS ON THE TRAIN.
96
00:04:55,616 --> 00:04:58,451
WHAT SORT OF LIFE ARE WE
GOING TO HAVE TOGETHER
IN SWITZERLAND,
97
00:04:58,453 --> 00:05:01,320
WITH HER CLIMBING
EVERY MOUNTAIN LOOKING FOR US?
98
00:05:01,322 --> 00:05:04,056
WE COULD DROP A ROCK
ON HER HEAD.
99
00:05:04,058 --> 00:05:06,992
NO, THE WHOLE PLAN
HAS GONE WRONG.
100
00:05:06,994 --> 00:05:09,528
IF SHE FOUND YOU,
SHE WOULD KILL YOU.
101
00:05:09,530 --> 00:05:11,764
THE TRAIN
IS SLOWING DOWN.
102
00:05:11,766 --> 00:05:13,466
YOU MUST JUMP.
103
00:05:16,970 --> 00:05:19,805
RENE, I DO NOT
WANT TO JUMP.
104
00:05:25,645 --> 00:05:27,613
THE GROUND
IS SO HARD.
105
00:05:28,648 --> 00:05:30,750
WE ARE ALONGSIDE A RIVER.
106
00:05:30,752 --> 00:05:33,285
BUT I LOVE YOU!
107
00:05:33,287 --> 00:05:35,053
AND I LOVE YOU TOO.
108
00:05:35,055 --> 00:05:37,122
OH, I CANNOT BEAR
TO PART LIKE THIS.
109
00:05:38,558 --> 00:05:41,093
GO QUICKLY
AND DO NOT LOOK BACK.
110
00:05:41,095 --> 00:05:43,562
I CANNOT DO IT.
111
00:05:43,564 --> 00:05:45,130
Edith:
RENE,
112
00:05:45,132 --> 00:05:46,699
RENE.
113
00:05:46,701 --> 00:05:49,301
- YES, YOU CAN.
- AARGHH! RENE!!!
114
00:05:53,473 --> 00:05:55,775
RENE,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
115
00:05:55,777 --> 00:05:58,644
JUST GETTING A BREATH
OF FRESH AIR, MY LOVE.
116
00:06:01,247 --> 00:06:03,282
YOU GO BACK TO THE BUNK
117
00:06:03,284 --> 00:06:04,283
AND WAIT FOR ME,
MY DEAR.
118
00:06:04,285 --> 00:06:07,185
OH RENE,
YOU ARE SUCH A TEASE.
119
00:06:07,187 --> 00:06:10,423
YOU KNOW HOW I LIKE
TO BE TANTALIZED.
120
00:06:19,098 --> 00:06:21,366
NOW WHERE IS
THE RESERVATION PLAN?
121
00:06:23,603 --> 00:06:26,038
THE SWEDISH ART EXPERT,
122
00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:28,874
MONSIEUR YOOP HOOP DEHOOP.
123
00:06:28,876 --> 00:06:30,208
THAT WILL BE THE ONE.
124
00:06:30,210 --> 00:06:32,010
COMPARTMENT 12B.
125
00:06:39,118 --> 00:06:41,386
OOH, HERE YOU ARE.
126
00:06:41,388 --> 00:06:43,422
HAVE YOU FOUND HIM?
127
00:06:43,424 --> 00:06:45,090
HE IS IN COMPARTMENT 12B.
128
00:06:45,092 --> 00:06:49,462
I AM PREPARING FOR HIM
THE DRUGGED COFFEE.
129
00:06:49,464 --> 00:06:51,597
LOOK OUT. THE STEWARDS
ARE RETURNING.
130
00:06:59,305 --> 00:07:01,006
HE IS NOT IN
THE FORWARD CARRIAGES.
131
00:07:01,008 --> 00:07:03,809
WE MUST NOW SEARCH
THE REST OF THE TRAIN.
132
00:07:05,078 --> 00:07:06,745
SOME UNAUTHORIZED PERSON
133
00:07:06,747 --> 00:07:08,547
HAS POURED OUT COFFEE.
134
00:07:08,549 --> 00:07:10,749
WASTE NOT, WANT NOT.
135
00:07:18,592 --> 00:07:21,360
NOW LET US SEARCH.
136
00:07:27,467 --> 00:07:29,267
HERE IS 12B.
137
00:07:29,269 --> 00:07:31,103
GET INTO CONVERSATION
WITH HIM.
138
00:07:31,105 --> 00:07:32,905
I WILL BRING THE COFFEE.
139
00:07:36,943 --> 00:07:39,612
VON SMALLHAUSEN,
YOU ARE LAGGING BEHIND.
140
00:07:39,614 --> 00:07:41,480
MY HEAD IS SPINNING.
141
00:07:47,921 --> 00:07:49,421
YOU SEARCH
THIS COMPARTMENT,
142
00:07:49,423 --> 00:07:50,956
I WILL SEARCH
THIS ONE.
143
00:07:50,958 --> 00:07:53,959
I WILL TRY,
BUT MY LEGS ARE WOBBLY.
144
00:07:53,961 --> 00:07:55,961
Flick:
THE GESTAPO
145
00:07:55,963 --> 00:07:57,930
DO NOT HAVEWOBBLY LEGS.
146
00:07:59,799 --> 00:08:01,634
I AM THE SLEEPING CAR
ATTENDANT,
147
00:08:01,636 --> 00:08:03,235
TAKING ORDERS FOR COFFEE.
148
00:08:03,237 --> 00:08:05,070
DO ANY OF YOU WANT COFFEE?
149
00:08:06,940 --> 00:08:08,574
IS THERE ANYBODY HERE?
150
00:08:10,577 --> 00:08:11,844
A NUN--
151
00:08:15,214 --> 00:08:16,782
ANOTHER NUN!
152
00:08:19,419 --> 00:08:21,353
WHO IS IT IN THIS BUNK?
153
00:08:21,355 --> 00:08:24,222
( Gruber disguising voice )
I AM A VERY OLD NUN--
154
00:08:25,391 --> 00:08:27,026
GO AWAY.
155
00:08:27,028 --> 00:08:29,461
I AM SORRY OLD NUN.
156
00:08:29,463 --> 00:08:31,463
I WILL NOT TROUBLE YOU
ANY FURTHER.
157
00:08:43,443 --> 00:08:46,211
Colonel:
HELGA, GRUBER,
158
00:08:46,213 --> 00:08:48,280
WHERE ARE YOU?
159
00:08:48,282 --> 00:08:51,283
OH MY GOD, THE COLONEL!
160
00:08:54,621 --> 00:08:55,955
Edith:
RENE, RENE--
161
00:08:55,957 --> 00:08:57,690
I'M GETTING IMPATIENT.
162
00:08:57,692 --> 00:09:00,292
I HAVE BEEN TANTALIZEDLONG ENOUGH.
163
00:09:13,339 --> 00:09:15,207
RENE.
164
00:09:16,710 --> 00:09:19,678
HOW DID YOU KNOW
I WAS HERE?
165
00:09:22,115 --> 00:09:23,716
HMMM?
166
00:09:23,718 --> 00:09:25,584
HELGA, WHERE ARE YOU?
167
00:09:26,753 --> 00:09:28,520
HELGA?
168
00:09:30,189 --> 00:09:31,523
AH, THE KEY!
169
00:09:31,525 --> 00:09:33,525
WELL DONE.
170
00:09:36,462 --> 00:09:38,263
I WILL TAKE THAT.
171
00:09:39,599 --> 00:09:41,466
AT LEAST I WOULD,
172
00:09:41,468 --> 00:09:45,004
WERE I NOT ABOUT
TO BECOME UNCONSCIOUS.
173
00:10:00,920 --> 00:10:02,587
RENE!
174
00:10:02,589 --> 00:10:05,490
YVETTE, HOW DID
YOU GET HERE?
175
00:10:05,492 --> 00:10:07,660
IT WAS NOT EASY
WITHOUT A TICKET.
176
00:10:07,662 --> 00:10:10,095
MONSIEUR LECLERC GOT
THE NOTES IN A MUDDLE.
177
00:10:10,097 --> 00:10:11,730
BUT I MANAGED
TO CATCH THE TRAIN,
178
00:10:11,732 --> 00:10:13,498
AND I HAVE BEEN
SEARCHING FOR YOU
179
00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:14,533
EVER SINCE.
180
00:10:14,535 --> 00:10:16,368
I HAVE BAD NEWS.
181
00:10:16,370 --> 00:10:18,303
EDITH IS ON BOARD,
182
00:10:18,305 --> 00:10:19,938
BUT DO NOT WORRY,
183
00:10:19,940 --> 00:10:21,874
I-- I STILL
HAVE THE GOLD.
184
00:10:21,876 --> 00:10:24,409
OH, RENE, HOLD ME,
185
00:10:24,411 --> 00:10:26,078
CRUSH ME TO YOU.
186
00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:28,446
NO, THERE IS NO TIME
FOR ALL THAT.
187
00:10:28,448 --> 00:10:30,248
QUICK, HIDE IN A BUNK.
188
00:10:31,250 --> 00:10:33,085
PSST,
189
00:10:33,087 --> 00:10:35,120
IT IS I, LECLERC.
190
00:10:35,122 --> 00:10:37,489
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE,
YOU BUNGLING IDIOT?
191
00:10:37,491 --> 00:10:39,224
I HAVE FOR YOU,
192
00:10:39,226 --> 00:10:40,826
A MESSAGE FROM MICHELLE,
193
00:10:40,828 --> 00:10:43,662
ABOUT THE EXPLODING
CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS.
194
00:10:43,664 --> 00:10:46,264
WHAT ABOUT THE EXPLODING
CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS?
195
00:10:46,266 --> 00:10:49,735
TWO OF THEM ARE TO BE DROPPED
DOWN THE FUNNEL OF THE ENGINE,
196
00:10:49,737 --> 00:10:51,603
WHEN WE GO UNDER THE BRIDGE
197
00:10:51,605 --> 00:10:52,738
AT ABBEVILLE.
198
00:10:52,740 --> 00:10:55,473
OH MY GOD!
WHAT TIME ARE WE DUE THERE?
199
00:10:55,475 --> 00:10:56,709
LET'S SEE,
200
00:10:56,711 --> 00:10:58,077
THREE MINUTES AGO.
201
00:10:58,079 --> 00:10:59,578
WE ARE RUNNING LATE.
202
00:10:59,580 --> 00:11:01,213
Edith:
RENE.
203
00:11:01,215 --> 00:11:03,048
QUICK.
IT IS EDITH, HIDE.
204
00:11:03,050 --> 00:11:05,084
- I WILL HIDE HER.
- OH!
205
00:11:07,553 --> 00:11:10,089
RENE,
OH, RENE.
206
00:11:10,091 --> 00:11:12,024
I CAN WAIT
NO LONGER.
207
00:11:12,026 --> 00:11:14,292
EDITH, HOLD ON.
THERE IS GOING
TO BE A BIG BANG.
208
00:11:14,294 --> 00:11:16,195
I KNOW,
BUT WHEN?
209
00:11:16,197 --> 00:11:18,263
( brakes squeal; people scream )
210
00:11:35,681 --> 00:11:38,316
YOU CAN ALL
GO AWAY.
211
00:11:38,318 --> 00:11:40,819
I AM NOT OPENING
UNTIL 12:00.
212
00:11:43,289 --> 00:11:44,689
"HEADLINE NEWS,
213
00:11:44,691 --> 00:11:47,325
GENEVA EXPRESS BLOWN UP
BY CHRISTMAS PUDDING."
214
00:11:51,464 --> 00:11:53,799
IT WAS A NIGHT
I SHALL NEVER FORGET,
215
00:11:53,801 --> 00:11:55,868
AND WHAT AN ANTICLIMAX.
216
00:11:55,870 --> 00:11:57,636
HERE WAS I,
HOPING TO ELOPE
217
00:11:57,638 --> 00:11:59,537
TO SWITZERLAND
WITH THE LOVELY YVETTE.
218
00:11:59,539 --> 00:12:01,306
AND WHERE DO I FIND MYSELF?
219
00:12:01,308 --> 00:12:03,642
3:00 IN THE MORNING,
RETURNING HOME WITH MY WIFE,
220
00:12:03,644 --> 00:12:05,343
ON THE BACK OF A FISH LORRY.
221
00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:09,281
WELL, FORTUNATELY,
EDITH STILL DOES NOT KNOW
222
00:12:09,283 --> 00:12:11,183
THAT YVETTE WAS ON THE TRAIN.
223
00:12:11,185 --> 00:12:13,886
HOW THE POOR CHILD WILL
GET HOME, I HAVE NO IDEA.
224
00:12:13,888 --> 00:12:15,520
SHE HAS NO MONEY.
225
00:12:15,522 --> 00:12:17,790
AT THIS MOMENT
SHE IS PROBABLY
226
00:12:17,792 --> 00:12:20,358
TRAMPING ACROSS A PLOWED FIELD
IN HER HIGH HEELS.
227
00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:22,460
RENE-EEE!
228
00:12:27,867 --> 00:12:30,235
- YVETTE?!
- OH, RENE,
229
00:12:30,237 --> 00:12:33,238
ALL THE WAY FROM ABBEVILLE
ON ROLLER SKATES.
230
00:12:34,274 --> 00:12:36,842
YVETTE, THANK HEAVENS
YOU ARE SAFE.
231
00:12:36,844 --> 00:12:38,811
WHAT ABOUT THE OTHERS?
HAVE YOU SEEN MONSIEUR LECLERC?
232
00:12:38,813 --> 00:12:40,445
HE, TOO,
HAS ROLLER SKATES.
233
00:12:40,447 --> 00:12:41,780
WHERE IS HE?
234
00:12:41,782 --> 00:12:43,381
OH, JUST OUTSIDE NOUVION,
235
00:12:43,383 --> 00:12:45,984
HE BROKE THE BALLS
OF HIS BEARINGS.
236
00:12:49,155 --> 00:12:52,524
RENE, CAN WE ELOPE
AGAIN TOMORROW?
237
00:12:52,526 --> 00:12:55,894
I THINK I WILL HAVE
TO REST UP A BIT.
238
00:12:55,896 --> 00:12:58,063
OH, RENE, HOLD ME,
239
00:12:58,065 --> 00:13:00,899
CRUSH ME TO YOU.
240
00:13:00,901 --> 00:13:02,301
( growling )
241
00:13:02,303 --> 00:13:05,603
- RENE!
- OOOH!
242
00:13:05,605 --> 00:13:08,140
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING WITH YOUR ARMS
AROUND THAT GIRL?
243
00:13:09,209 --> 00:13:11,810
YOU STUPID WOMAN!
244
00:13:13,246 --> 00:13:15,314
CAN YOU NOT SEE
245
00:13:15,316 --> 00:13:17,415
THAT SHE IS UPSET
BECAUSE YOU AND I
246
00:13:17,417 --> 00:13:19,551
DID NOT SUCCEED
IN ELOPING TOGETHER.
247
00:13:19,553 --> 00:13:22,154
SHE HAD IN HER MIND
ONLY OUR HAPPINESS.
248
00:13:22,156 --> 00:13:24,857
WHY IS SHE WEARING
ROLLER SKATES?
249
00:13:27,894 --> 00:13:29,694
WE ARE HER FAMILY.
250
00:13:29,696 --> 00:13:32,597
IF WE HAD GONE, WHAT WOULD
SHE HAVE HAD LEFT?
251
00:13:32,599 --> 00:13:34,967
SHE WAS SKATING
TO THE ORPHANAGE,
252
00:13:37,670 --> 00:13:40,305
THE ONLY PLACE WHERE
SHE KNOWS TRUE HAPPINESS.
253
00:13:40,307 --> 00:13:42,540
ON THE WAY THERE,
SHE SAW THOSE HEADLINES.
254
00:13:42,542 --> 00:13:44,209
BUT SHE HAS A MOTHER.
255
00:13:44,211 --> 00:13:45,777
WHY WAS SHE
IN AN ORPHANAGE?
256
00:13:45,779 --> 00:13:47,645
SHE WAS
A DIFFICULT CHILD,
257
00:13:47,647 --> 00:13:50,249
SHE CAME
FROM A BROKEN HOME--
258
00:13:50,251 --> 00:13:52,684
HER MOTHER USED TO LIVE
WITH A GREENGROCER.
259
00:13:52,686 --> 00:13:55,254
HE USED TO BEAT HER DAILY
WITH LONG GREEN BEANS.
260
00:13:55,256 --> 00:13:58,090
RENE, DO NOT
REVEAL ANY MORE.
261
00:13:58,092 --> 00:14:00,125
OH, THE POOR CHILD.
262
00:14:00,127 --> 00:14:01,927
SKATE INTO THE KITCHEN,
263
00:14:01,929 --> 00:14:03,628
I WILL GET YOU SOME SOUP.
264
00:14:06,699 --> 00:14:07,699
RENE!
265
00:14:07,701 --> 00:14:09,167
MY GOD, THE GOLD.
266
00:14:09,169 --> 00:14:10,335
WHAT IS THE MATTER?
267
00:14:10,337 --> 00:14:12,170
I THOUGHT I WOULD BE
IN SWITZERLAND
268
00:14:12,172 --> 00:14:14,139
BY THE TIME THE GENERAL
DISCOVERED THAT IT HAD GONE.
269
00:14:14,141 --> 00:14:16,041
NOW I AM IN NOUVION.
WE COULD ALL BE SHOT.
270
00:14:16,043 --> 00:14:18,310
- I MUST GO AND PUT IT BACK.
- PUT IT BACK WHERE?
271
00:14:18,312 --> 00:14:19,811
BACK WITH THE REST
OF THE GOLD!
272
00:14:19,813 --> 00:14:21,346
IN THE SAFE
IN THE POLICE STATION.
273
00:14:21,348 --> 00:14:22,480
NO, KEEP IT.
274
00:14:22,482 --> 00:14:24,082
WE WILL ELOPE AGAIN TONIGHT.
275
00:14:24,084 --> 00:14:26,451
TONIGHT COULD BE TOO LATE.
NOW COULD BE TOO LATE.
276
00:14:26,453 --> 00:14:27,953
NO, NO, I MUST GO
277
00:14:27,955 --> 00:14:29,654
AND TALK TO
THAT IDIOT CRABTREE.
278
00:14:29,656 --> 00:14:31,790
GOOD MOANING.
279
00:14:33,259 --> 00:14:35,060
FOR ONCE I AM GLAD
TO SEE YOU.
280
00:14:35,062 --> 00:14:36,428
I NEED THE KEY
TO YOUR SAFE.
281
00:14:36,430 --> 00:14:37,729
WHY?
282
00:14:37,731 --> 00:14:40,399
I PINCHED FOUR BARS
OF THE GENERAL'S GOLD.
283
00:14:40,401 --> 00:14:43,335
I KNOW.
I SPITTED YOU TOKING IT.
284
00:14:43,337 --> 00:14:46,671
WHEN THE GENERAL FINDS OUT,
HE COULD SHOOT HALF OF NOUVION.
285
00:14:46,673 --> 00:14:48,473
DO NOT WIRRY.
286
00:14:48,475 --> 00:14:50,708
I HAVE SQUOOZED
INTO THE LOCK,
287
00:14:50,710 --> 00:14:53,979
HARD SITTING GLUE.
288
00:14:53,981 --> 00:14:57,182
IF HE CANNOT OPEN IT,
HE WILL NOT KNEE
THAT IT IS GINE.
289
00:14:57,184 --> 00:14:59,484
HERE IS THE TIMETABLE.
290
00:14:59,486 --> 00:15:02,321
WE WILL LEAVE
BY THE NEXT TRAIN.
291
00:15:02,323 --> 00:15:04,889
THERE ARE NO TROONS.
292
00:15:04,891 --> 00:15:07,625
THE ONE THAT WAS DEROOLED
BY THE CHRISTMAS PIDDING
293
00:15:07,627 --> 00:15:11,263
IS STILL
BLICKING THE LOON.
294
00:15:11,265 --> 00:15:13,565
THIS IS NOT MY DAY.
295
00:15:13,567 --> 00:15:16,001
RENE, LET US
BLOW OPEN THE SAFE.
296
00:15:16,003 --> 00:15:18,003
EDITH, WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
297
00:15:18,005 --> 00:15:19,604
WE HAVE
IN OUR CELLAR
298
00:15:19,606 --> 00:15:21,473
EXPLODING
CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS.
299
00:15:21,475 --> 00:15:23,608
WE COULD SQUASH ONE
WELL INTO THE LOCK,
300
00:15:23,610 --> 00:15:25,877
LIGHT THE FUSE
AND STAND WELL BACK.
301
00:15:25,879 --> 00:15:28,146
AND HOW WILL WE KNOW HOW MUCH
CHRISTMAS PUDDING TO USE?
302
00:15:28,148 --> 00:15:30,582
WELL, WE CAN START
WITH FOUR TABLESPOONSFUL
303
00:15:30,584 --> 00:15:32,050
AND WORK UP FROM THERE.
304
00:15:33,886 --> 00:15:35,720
BY THE TIME THEY
HAVE CLEARED THE LINE
305
00:15:35,722 --> 00:15:37,922
YOU AND I
CAN ELOPE TOGETHER
306
00:15:37,924 --> 00:15:39,691
WITH ALL THE GOLD.
307
00:15:39,693 --> 00:15:42,027
COME, LET US PICK A PUDDING.
308
00:15:43,629 --> 00:15:45,230
SHE IS MONEY MAD.
309
00:15:46,499 --> 00:15:49,934
HE MEANS MINNEY MOD.
310
00:15:52,505 --> 00:15:56,074
Colonel:
WE HAVE ALL HAD
A VERY NARROW ESCAPE
311
00:15:56,076 --> 00:15:58,243
BUT WE'VE ACHIEVED
OUR OBJECTIVE,
312
00:15:58,245 --> 00:16:00,946
AND THE PAINTINGS,
IN ALL THEIR GLORY,
313
00:16:00,948 --> 00:16:02,914
ARE IN
OUR POSSESSION,
314
00:16:02,916 --> 00:16:05,651
AND SAFELY RESTING
IN THE BODY OF THE STATUE.
315
00:16:05,653 --> 00:16:08,120
THE FORGERIES WHICH
I PUT IN THEIR PLACE,
316
00:16:08,122 --> 00:16:10,622
WILL NO DOUBT BE
RECOVERED IN DUE COURSE.
317
00:16:10,624 --> 00:16:12,590
I HAVE TO REPORT
THAT THE FORGERIES
318
00:16:12,592 --> 00:16:14,259
HAVE ALREADY
BEEN RECOVERED
319
00:16:14,261 --> 00:16:15,460
BY HERR FLICK,
320
00:16:15,462 --> 00:16:17,062
WHO HAS PUT IN THEIR PLACE
321
00:16:17,064 --> 00:16:18,964
TWO OTHER FORGERIES.
322
00:16:20,399 --> 00:16:22,801
YES, YES.
THERE'S AN ALMOST
323
00:16:22,803 --> 00:16:25,103
POETIC BEAUTY
TO THIS SITUATION.
324
00:16:26,706 --> 00:16:28,674
CONCEALED IN
THIS BEAUTIFUL STATUE
325
00:16:28,676 --> 00:16:30,842
WE HAVE THE ORIGINAL
MASTERPIECES.
326
00:16:30,844 --> 00:16:35,113
HERR FLICK THINKS THAT HE HAS
THE ORIGINAL MASTERPIECES,
327
00:16:35,115 --> 00:16:38,150
AND THE GENERAL HAS THE GOLD
FROM THE SWEDISH ART EXPERT,
328
00:16:38,152 --> 00:16:40,285
WHO BELIEVES THAT HE
BOUGHT THE MASTERPIECES.
329
00:16:40,287 --> 00:16:43,288
AND RENE DOES NOT KNOW
ABOUT OUR OPERATION,
330
00:16:43,290 --> 00:16:46,058
SO HE DOES NOT GET HIS CUT.
331
00:16:47,060 --> 00:16:49,394
GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN.
332
00:16:53,866 --> 00:16:56,034
- HEIL HITLER.
- All: HEIL HITLER.
333
00:16:56,036 --> 00:16:58,136
GRUBER, I HAVE
A TASK FOR YOU.
334
00:16:58,138 --> 00:17:00,538
I PUT SOME
NOT VERY IMPORTANT PAPERS
335
00:17:00,540 --> 00:17:02,407
IN THE SAFE
IN THE POLICE STATION.
336
00:17:02,409 --> 00:17:04,843
UNFORTUNATELY,
SOME PRACTICAL JOKER
337
00:17:04,845 --> 00:17:07,713
HAS GUMMED UP THE LOCK
SO I CAN'T USE THE KEY.
338
00:17:07,715 --> 00:17:09,748
I WISH YOU, THEREFORE,
TO TAKE YOUR TANK
339
00:17:09,750 --> 00:17:11,717
AND TRANSFER IT
TO MY CHATEAU,
340
00:17:11,719 --> 00:17:14,319
WHERE THE UNIMPORTANT PAPERS
WILL BE SAFE.
341
00:17:14,321 --> 00:17:16,387
VERY GOOD,
GENERAL.
342
00:17:16,389 --> 00:17:18,289
Colonel:
WILL THAT BE ALL?
343
00:17:18,291 --> 00:17:20,225
NO.
344
00:17:20,227 --> 00:17:21,827
THIS STATUE.
345
00:17:21,829 --> 00:17:23,328
WHAT STATUE?
346
00:17:26,565 --> 00:17:28,233
I LIKE IT.
347
00:17:28,235 --> 00:17:30,468
IT WOULD LOOK RATHER NICE
IN MY CHATEAU.
348
00:17:30,470 --> 00:17:33,571
REALLY IT'S SUCH A CHEAP
AND UGLY THING.
349
00:17:33,573 --> 00:17:36,241
ARE YOU QUESTIONING
MY TASTE?
350
00:17:36,243 --> 00:17:37,475
I WILL TAKE IT.
351
00:17:37,477 --> 00:17:39,510
COULD WE... PERHAPS...
352
00:17:39,512 --> 00:17:41,579
DELIVER IT FOR YOU?
353
00:17:41,581 --> 00:17:43,949
NO, I WILL TAKE IT NOW.
354
00:17:43,951 --> 00:17:46,451
GUARDS,
PUT THIS STATUE
IN MY CAR.
355
00:17:46,453 --> 00:17:47,619
HEIL HITLER.
356
00:17:47,621 --> 00:17:49,187
HEIL HITLER.
357
00:17:55,094 --> 00:17:57,095
ALL RIGHT,
THERE IS THE SAFE.
358
00:18:00,499 --> 00:18:01,800
EDITH, BE CAREFUL!
359
00:18:01,802 --> 00:18:04,836
I WILL WITCH
OUT OF THE WANDOW.
360
00:18:04,838 --> 00:18:07,806
IF ANYONE COMES THIS WOO,
361
00:18:07,808 --> 00:18:10,642
I WILL GIVE YOU TWO WONKS.
362
00:18:17,884 --> 00:18:20,385
Bertorelli:
MAKE THE ATTENTION!
363
00:18:22,255 --> 00:18:24,489
I SAID, MAKE THE ATTENTION.
YOU PUT THE LEGS TOGETHER,
364
00:18:24,491 --> 00:18:26,158
YOU MAKE THE SPINE STRAIGHT.
365
00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:29,161
NO SMOKE THE FAG
WHEN YOU MAKE THE ATTENTION!
366
00:18:30,696 --> 00:18:32,197
SLOPE THE ARMS.
367
00:18:37,103 --> 00:18:39,037
BEFORE THE OFFICER.
368
00:18:39,039 --> 00:18:41,206
PRESENT THE ARMS.
369
00:18:47,079 --> 00:18:48,613
WHAT YOU THINK
OF THEM, EH?
370
00:18:48,615 --> 00:18:51,917
I SUSPECT THEY HAVE
NEVER DONE IT BETTER.
371
00:18:53,953 --> 00:18:55,921
I WONDER IF YOU
COULD ASSIST ME?
372
00:18:55,923 --> 00:18:57,722
I HAVE TO REMOVE A HEAVY SAFE,
373
00:18:57,724 --> 00:18:59,390
FROM THE POLICE STATION,
374
00:18:59,392 --> 00:19:01,193
ONTO THE BACK
OF MY LITTLE TANK.
375
00:19:01,195 --> 00:19:02,894
DO YOU HAVE FOUR STRONG MEN?
376
00:19:02,896 --> 00:19:05,396
HELP YOURSELF.
377
00:19:05,398 --> 00:19:07,265
YOU ASK THEM.
378
00:19:07,267 --> 00:19:09,167
PAY ATTENTION.
379
00:19:09,169 --> 00:19:10,969
( men growl )
380
00:19:10,971 --> 00:19:12,503
SETTLE DOWN.
381
00:19:12,505 --> 00:19:15,173
I AM LOOKING FOR
FOUR STRONG MEN.
382
00:19:15,175 --> 00:19:17,608
YOU BET YOUR LIFE
YOU ARE!
383
00:19:21,681 --> 00:19:23,915
EDITH,
DO NOT PUSH SO HARD.
384
00:19:23,917 --> 00:19:25,883
THIS IS A HIGHLY EXPLOSIVE
CHRISTMAS PUDDING
385
00:19:25,885 --> 00:19:26,951
WE HAVE HERE.
386
00:19:26,953 --> 00:19:28,920
IT IS A VERY BIG LOCK.
387
00:19:28,922 --> 00:19:31,323
I HAVE USED HALF
THE CHRISTMAS PUDDING
ALREADY.
388
00:19:31,325 --> 00:19:33,157
I AM SURE THAT IS ENOUGH.
389
00:19:33,159 --> 00:19:34,759
WHERE IS THE FUSE?
390
00:19:34,761 --> 00:19:36,127
IT IS HERE,
391
00:19:36,129 --> 00:19:38,062
IT IS DISGUISED AS HOLLY.
392
00:19:39,598 --> 00:19:41,766
NOW, LIGHT IT.
393
00:19:41,768 --> 00:19:43,267
ALL RIGHT.
394
00:19:46,905 --> 00:19:48,039
LET US TAKE COVER,
QUICK.
395
00:19:49,174 --> 00:19:51,008
DO NOT PANIC.
396
00:19:51,010 --> 00:19:52,944
IT IS
A TWO MINUTE FUSE.
397
00:19:52,946 --> 00:19:54,346
WE HAVE PLENTY OF TIME.
398
00:19:58,851 --> 00:20:00,318
PSST!
399
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:02,887
CAN YOU NOT
SEE ME WONKING?
400
00:20:06,425 --> 00:20:08,059
NOW WHAT IS THE MATTER?!
401
00:20:08,061 --> 00:20:10,094
LIEUTENANT GRUBER
402
00:20:10,096 --> 00:20:11,996
IS HERE IN HIS TONK.
403
00:20:11,998 --> 00:20:13,231
OH MY GOD!
404
00:20:13,233 --> 00:20:14,899
QUICK, PUT IT OUT,
PUT IT OUT.
405
00:20:17,269 --> 00:20:20,204
I CANNOT!
IT IS BURNING INSIDE.
406
00:20:20,206 --> 00:20:21,706
OH MY GOD.
407
00:20:21,708 --> 00:20:23,508
QUICK, LET US GO
OUT THE BACK WAY.
408
00:20:23,510 --> 00:20:25,209
IT MUST HAVE GONE OUT.
409
00:20:25,211 --> 00:20:27,245
I CAN NO LONGER
HEAR IT FIZZING.
410
00:20:33,853 --> 00:20:35,186
RENE?
411
00:20:36,522 --> 00:20:38,390
I KEEP MEETING YOU
412
00:20:38,392 --> 00:20:40,124
IN THE MOST
UNEXPECTED PLACES.
413
00:20:40,126 --> 00:20:43,628
UM... WE WERE JUST
REPORTING A MISSING HEN.
414
00:20:47,933 --> 00:20:49,768
ON THE ORDERS OF
GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN
415
00:20:49,770 --> 00:20:51,536
I AM REQUISITIONING
THIS SAFE.
416
00:20:51,538 --> 00:20:53,571
WHERE IS IT GOING?
417
00:20:53,573 --> 00:20:55,907
TO THE GENERAL'S QUARTERS
AT THE CHATEAU.
418
00:20:57,209 --> 00:20:59,977
MEN, TAKE IT OUT THROUGH
THE BACK PASSAGE.
419
00:20:59,979 --> 00:21:01,913
YOU CANNOT TICK IT
420
00:21:01,915 --> 00:21:03,948
UNLESS I HAVE
A SOGNITURE.
421
00:21:03,950 --> 00:21:05,550
HERE IS THE ORDER.
422
00:21:05,552 --> 00:21:07,519
PUT IT INTO THE TANK, MEN.
423
00:21:09,254 --> 00:21:10,655
OH, RENE,
424
00:21:10,657 --> 00:21:13,425
I, UH... I HAVE
LONG PROMISED YOU
425
00:21:13,427 --> 00:21:15,159
A SPIN
IN MY LITTLE TANK.
426
00:21:15,161 --> 00:21:17,028
WOULD YOU CARE
TO ACCOMPANY ME
427
00:21:17,030 --> 00:21:18,530
TO THE CHATEAU?
428
00:21:18,532 --> 00:21:22,099
WELL, THAT IS A VERY KIND
THOUGHT, LIEUTENANT.
429
00:21:22,101 --> 00:21:24,368
WHAT IF THE FUSE
HAS NOT GONE OUT?
430
00:21:24,370 --> 00:21:26,905
BUT THIS TIME,
I WILL GIVE IT A MISS,
431
00:21:26,907 --> 00:21:28,773
IF THAT IS
ALL THE SAME TO YOU.
432
00:21:28,775 --> 00:21:31,776
ME, I HAVE NEVER BEEN
IN THE GERMAN TANK.
433
00:21:31,778 --> 00:21:33,545
I TRAVEL WITH YOU.
434
00:21:35,047 --> 00:21:37,682
LIEUTENANT,
PERHAPS THE CAPTAIN
COULD DRIVE YOUR TANK
435
00:21:37,684 --> 00:21:40,017
WHILE YOU CAME
AND HAD A DRINK WITH ME?
436
00:21:40,019 --> 00:21:42,119
OH, AN INVITATION
437
00:21:42,121 --> 00:21:44,589
I CANNOT REFUSE.
438
00:21:44,591 --> 00:21:46,858
THE SAFE IS LOADED,
CAPITANO.
439
00:21:46,860 --> 00:21:48,726
GOOD, WE COME.
440
00:21:53,532 --> 00:21:55,433
RIGHT,
MOVE YOUR BUTTS.
441
00:21:57,302 --> 00:21:59,170
RENE,
442
00:21:59,172 --> 00:22:01,639
I THINK WE SHOULD NOT
BE SEEN WALKING TOGETHER.
443
00:22:01,641 --> 00:22:03,140
I WILL GO AHEAD.
444
00:22:03,142 --> 00:22:04,809
I WILL FOLLOW.
445
00:22:08,581 --> 00:22:09,814
SHOO!
446
00:22:18,891 --> 00:22:20,291
HEY!
447
00:22:20,293 --> 00:22:21,993
IT'S NICE, EH?
448
00:22:21,995 --> 00:22:23,995
YOU WATCH AS YOUR CAPITANO
449
00:22:23,997 --> 00:22:25,864
GO OFF IN CLOUD OF SMOKE, EH?
450
00:22:26,866 --> 00:22:27,866
CIAO.
451
00:22:29,134 --> 00:22:31,135
DO NOT GIVE IT
TOO MUCH THROTTLE,
452
00:22:31,137 --> 00:22:33,137
OR YOU WILL GET
A LITTLE BACKFIRE.
453
00:22:33,139 --> 00:22:34,238
( engine starts )
454
00:23:03,602 --> 00:23:05,003
I--
455
00:23:06,906 --> 00:23:09,273
I GIVE HIM
TOO MUCH THROTTLE.
456
00:23:16,214 --> 00:23:18,750
( theme music playing )
41854
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