All language subtitles for The Conners 01x07
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Filipino
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hindi
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Igbo
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Javanese
Kannada
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Malayalam
Maltese
Maori
Marathi
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese
Punjabi
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Sundanese
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Telugu
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Xhosa
Yiddish
Yoruba
Zulu
Odia (Oriya)
Kinyarwanda
Turkmen
Tatar
Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,250 --> 00:00:03,710
- Synced & corrected by
MementMori -
...
www.addic7ed.com ...
2
00:00:03,760 --> 00:00:05,720
Hey, you're all dressed up.
3
00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:07,230
You going to court?
4
00:00:08,430 --> 00:00:09,980
Unlike you, people get dressed up
5
00:00:09,990 --> 00:00:13,840
for other reasons than trying
to beat a shoplifting charge.
6
00:00:13,850 --> 00:00:16,750
The saleswoman said I could
walk around in the shoes.
7
00:00:16,790 --> 00:00:19,880
I wanted to see how they
felt on the sidewalk.
8
00:00:19,980 --> 00:00:21,630
You're a criminal.
9
00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:23,880
I'm just trying to look
nice for work. That's all.
10
00:00:23,980 --> 00:00:26,110
That is so cute!
11
00:00:26,150 --> 00:00:28,750
You're trying to be a girl!
12
00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:31,899
This is obviously about her new boss.
13
00:00:31,900 --> 00:00:34,660
- You have a crush on your boss?
- Ooh!
14
00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:37,139
No, I'm just trying
to be a professional.
15
00:00:37,140 --> 00:00:38,920
God, all I did was put
on a little makeup.
16
00:00:39,020 --> 00:00:41,360
I heard the blow dryer.
17
00:00:41,780 --> 00:00:45,440
I was blowing dust out
of the smoke alarms.
18
00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:48,260
Nice try. They're all here!
19
00:00:50,890 --> 00:00:52,520
Do you ever worry that
some of the people
20
00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:54,520
in these mug shots might be innocent.
21
00:00:54,990 --> 00:00:56,880
Eh, people can think whatever they want.
22
00:00:56,900 --> 00:00:59,760
We're just reporting,
not passing judgment.
23
00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:01,900
Uh, the paper's called Lock 'Em Up.
24
00:01:01,930 --> 00:01:02,960
It's kind of judge-y.
25
00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:05,800
Ooh.
26
00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:07,500
This one's kind of hot.
27
00:01:07,540 --> 00:01:09,140
Let's put her on the front page.
28
00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:10,879
Oh, so that's what you're attracted to?
29
00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:12,240
Blondes with most of their teeth?
30
00:01:14,350 --> 00:01:15,960
I think you know exactly
the kind of woman
31
00:01:15,980 --> 00:01:17,040
I'm attracted to.
32
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:35,800
What are we doing?
33
00:01:35,830 --> 00:01:37,320
I work for you.
34
00:01:37,370 --> 00:01:40,400
I mean, this would be
complicated as hell.
35
00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:43,140
Yeah, you're right.
And as your employer,
36
00:01:43,180 --> 00:01:45,710
I cannot have you feel uncomfortable
37
00:01:45,740 --> 00:01:47,220
or pressured in any way.
38
00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:50,780
So... you're gonna have
to make a move on me.
39
00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:57,090
Do I look like a woman with moves?
40
00:01:57,120 --> 00:01:59,240
Just do what you feel is right.
41
00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:01,530
I am going to pretend to work
42
00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:04,500
and, uh, hope for the best.
43
00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:17,140
You've got a Fuji apple
sticker on your ass.
44
00:02:17,540 --> 00:02:20,750
I believe it's Golden Delicious.
45
00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:27,000
Can we just go back to work?
46
00:02:27,020 --> 00:02:28,520
This is getting too awkward.
47
00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:31,120
Yes, I agree.
48
00:02:31,260 --> 00:02:33,390
Um, can I borrow your stapler?
49
00:02:33,430 --> 00:02:35,120
Yes, sure.
50
00:03:19,060 --> 00:03:20,330
"The Conners" is recorded
51
00:03:20,340 --> 00:03:21,810
in front of a live studio audience.
52
00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:23,880
I'm done with my list!
53
00:03:23,980 --> 00:03:26,480
We made our Christmas lists
for you, Grandpa Dan.
54
00:03:26,570 --> 00:03:28,000
They're just suggestions.
55
00:03:28,030 --> 00:03:29,040
Don't get your hopes up.
56
00:03:29,050 --> 00:03:30,659
You're getting underwear
and a popcorn tin
57
00:03:30,660 --> 00:03:32,120
from the drug store.
58
00:03:33,860 --> 00:03:37,060
So, we're not getting anything we want?
59
00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:40,680
You really break my heart
when you put it like that.
60
00:03:40,710 --> 00:03:42,110
But no.
61
00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:45,680
But I really want a Plushy Pet backpack.
62
00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:46,980
It talks to you.
63
00:03:47,020 --> 00:03:48,380
But Mark talks to you.
64
00:03:48,420 --> 00:03:52,580
You don't want him to feel like
he's being replaced, do you?
65
00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:54,940
You know what won't make him feel bad?
66
00:03:55,020 --> 00:03:56,440
Crayons.
67
00:03:57,660 --> 00:03:59,030
Hi, guys.
68
00:03:59,060 --> 00:04:01,400
Grandpa wants to give me
crayons for Christmas.
69
00:04:01,430 --> 00:04:04,900
Well, we'll call Child Services
and let them sort it out.
70
00:04:06,620 --> 00:04:10,290
You know, Mary, most people
refer to them as Crayolas,
71
00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:11,800
but that's really a brand name,
72
00:04:11,820 --> 00:04:13,830
like Kleenex or cellophane.
73
00:04:13,860 --> 00:04:17,600
Crayola comes from the French
word "craie," meaning "chalk,"
74
00:04:17,630 --> 00:04:20,380
and "oleaginous," meaning "oily."
75
00:04:22,100 --> 00:04:23,660
Can we go to school now?
76
00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:27,770
I see I've awakened the
educational curiosity in you.
77
00:04:28,060 --> 00:04:30,330
Oh, for God's sake, let 'em go.
78
00:04:32,110 --> 00:04:34,080
I'll help you pack 'em up, Deej.
79
00:04:34,110 --> 00:04:35,540
Dan, Peter wants to talk to you.
80
00:04:35,550 --> 00:04:37,540
He has a bike that needs restoring.
81
00:04:37,620 --> 00:04:40,250
Well, you've come to the right place.
82
00:04:40,290 --> 00:04:42,290
We do the same quality
work as the big guys,
83
00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:46,020
but cut a lot of corners and
pass the savings on to me.
84
00:04:55,270 --> 00:04:56,900
This isn't a bike.
85
00:04:56,940 --> 00:04:59,919
This is what you feed to other bikes.
86
00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:01,940
It's a classic Vespa.
87
00:05:01,980 --> 00:05:03,350
Did you ever see "Roman Holiday"
88
00:05:03,380 --> 00:05:05,159
with Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck?
89
00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:07,360
It's on my "After I Die" bucket list.
90
00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:10,720
I'm sorry. I don't fix foreign bikes.
91
00:05:10,750 --> 00:05:12,280
Ah, come on.
92
00:05:12,390 --> 00:05:14,139
I saw a bike like this in that movie,
93
00:05:14,140 --> 00:05:15,719
and I fell in love with it.
94
00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:17,920
The whole experience just made
me want to move to Italy.
95
00:05:17,980 --> 00:05:20,320
Well, you know, it's still there.
96
00:05:21,100 --> 00:05:22,260
So, Dan?
97
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:23,620
What do you think of the Vespa?
98
00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:25,870
Well, like I told Audrey Hepburn here,
99
00:05:25,900 --> 00:05:28,320
I don't fix foreign bikes.
100
00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:30,510
Peter, could you get the
kids' Christmas presents
101
00:05:30,540 --> 00:05:33,300
- out of the trunk?
- I'll take Audrey or Katharine.
102
00:05:33,370 --> 00:05:35,780
You can't hurt me by
comparing me to a Hepburn.
103
00:05:38,810 --> 00:05:40,580
Come on.
104
00:05:40,620 --> 00:05:42,580
Dan, I bought it for Peter for Christmas
105
00:05:42,620 --> 00:05:44,026
because I knew you could restore it.
106
00:05:44,050 --> 00:05:45,590
You bought this for him?
107
00:05:45,620 --> 00:05:47,820
That's got to be at least three grand.
108
00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:49,096
You don't have that kind of money.
109
00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:51,520
I know it's a lot, but
we're both gonna enjoy it.
110
00:05:51,540 --> 00:05:52,690
Me sitting behind him,
111
00:05:52,730 --> 00:05:54,190
my cheek pressed against his back
112
00:05:54,230 --> 00:05:56,960
as we glide past the Trevi fountain.
113
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:58,860
That's Rome. This is Lanford.
114
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:00,630
We don't have fountains.
115
00:06:00,670 --> 00:06:03,140
We have a pipe that spills
sewage into the river.
116
00:06:04,740 --> 00:06:06,610
You're doing it for me, not for him.
117
00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:08,280
Definitely not doing it for him.
118
00:06:08,310 --> 00:06:09,856
You sure you're gonna be
riding on this thing?
119
00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:11,610
- Of course I am.
- Okay, then.
120
00:06:11,650 --> 00:06:13,750
I'll make sure the brakes work, too.
121
00:06:17,790 --> 00:06:21,620
So, how was work with hunky boss man?
122
00:06:21,660 --> 00:06:24,540
Um, we, you know, got along fine.
123
00:06:24,730 --> 00:06:26,130
Fine?
124
00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:29,060
That's your version of being overjoyed.
125
00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:31,540
You had sex with him.
126
00:06:32,670 --> 00:06:35,700
All I did was borrow his stapler,
127
00:06:35,740 --> 00:06:38,170
and then thank him.
128
00:06:38,180 --> 00:06:39,220
Twice on his desk.
129
00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:43,480
And how was it?
130
00:06:43,980 --> 00:06:46,280
Well, if you got to know, um...
131
00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:48,520
the sex was incredible.
132
00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:51,110
So you've only had sex with two guys,
133
00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:53,520
so you don't know good from bad.
134
00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:55,820
Let's just say it was average.
135
00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:57,830
Well, Ben must've liked it.
136
00:06:57,860 --> 00:06:59,830
He asked me over to his
apartment for dinner,
137
00:06:59,860 --> 00:07:01,960
and I can't wait to go.
138
00:07:02,030 --> 00:07:04,600
Oh, so it's gonna be a relationship.
139
00:07:04,630 --> 00:07:06,660
I smell disaster.
140
00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:09,170
Look, I know you're thinking that
141
00:07:09,210 --> 00:07:10,739
because I'm so spun out over Mom
142
00:07:10,740 --> 00:07:12,810
and divorcing David and money problems.
143
00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:14,840
You think I'm moving
faster than I should
144
00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:17,020
because I'm just looking
for a quick emotional fix.
145
00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:20,240
No, this isn't about you being
an emotional train wreck.
146
00:07:20,250 --> 00:07:21,520
That's too obvious.
147
00:07:22,820 --> 00:07:24,889
This is about your uncanny ability
148
00:07:24,890 --> 00:07:26,420
to pick the wrong guy for you.
149
00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:29,060
It's nice to be able to
share this with you.
150
00:07:29,090 --> 00:07:31,290
And you're completely wrong.
151
00:07:31,330 --> 00:07:33,360
Ben is finally the right guy.
152
00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:36,400
He's strong and confident,
and he knows what he wants.
153
00:07:36,430 --> 00:07:37,860
That's even worse.
154
00:07:38,770 --> 00:07:41,780
That's like two stubborn trains
heading towards each other
155
00:07:41,790 --> 00:07:42,800
on the same track.
156
00:07:45,110 --> 00:07:47,280
You think I'm locked
into this little prison
157
00:07:47,310 --> 00:07:49,170
that I made for myself dating meek guys
158
00:07:49,180 --> 00:07:50,180
that I can push around, and
159
00:07:50,190 --> 00:07:51,440
it's not true... I've changed.
160
00:07:51,500 --> 00:07:52,520
Really?
161
00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:54,450
We shared a room for years.
162
00:07:54,580 --> 00:07:57,050
When you accused me of
having my Marky Mark poster
163
00:07:57,090 --> 00:08:00,720
on your side of the room, instead
of asking me to move it,
164
00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:02,590
you cut out Marky's eyes.
165
00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:08,030
I've just never seen you
this excited about a guy.
166
00:08:08,060 --> 00:08:09,579
I don't want you to fool yourself
167
00:08:09,580 --> 00:08:13,800
into thinking it's gonna be
all unicorns and rainbows.
168
00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:18,580
Be prepared for a rainstorm
and a horse head in the bed.
169
00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:21,810
Wow, most pregnant women are positive.
170
00:08:21,850 --> 00:08:23,700
That's gonna be one bitter little baby
171
00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:25,320
when it finally makes a break for it.
172
00:08:31,100 --> 00:08:32,570
Hey, Dan.
173
00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:34,330
Jackie said I could find you here.
174
00:08:34,370 --> 00:08:37,400
Yeah, I like it here.
175
00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:39,540
The food's bad, and
that keeps people away
176
00:08:39,570 --> 00:08:41,260
so I can drink in peace.
177
00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:44,010
I just wanted to pay you for the parts
178
00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:45,680
so that you could get started.
179
00:08:45,710 --> 00:08:46,860
Are you okay with a check?
180
00:08:46,980 --> 00:08:48,850
Sure. If it bounces,
181
00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:51,720
you're not gonna outrun me
on Barbie's Dream Scooter.
182
00:08:55,220 --> 00:08:59,260
Oh, you and Jackie have
an account together.
183
00:08:59,290 --> 00:09:00,400
When did this happen?
184
00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:01,839
Last week.
185
00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:03,170
We put my name on her account
186
00:09:03,180 --> 00:09:04,670
so that we could save money on fees
187
00:09:04,700 --> 00:09:06,920
by commingling our finances.
188
00:09:06,970 --> 00:09:08,700
No biggie.
189
00:09:09,140 --> 00:09:11,770
Commingling means two
people mingling money.
190
00:09:11,810 --> 00:09:13,820
Do you have anything to mingle?
191
00:09:13,910 --> 00:09:15,040
Not at the moment.
192
00:09:15,310 --> 00:09:17,880
I thought the master's
in Medieval Culture
193
00:09:17,900 --> 00:09:21,260
would've appealed to a
wider array of employers.
194
00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:24,489
But now I'm on the right track
195
00:09:24,490 --> 00:09:27,760
with Nordic history, music, and dance.
196
00:09:29,060 --> 00:09:31,330
Look, Jackie's a good person,
197
00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:33,660
and she's been single a long time,
198
00:09:33,700 --> 00:09:36,080
so her guard may not be up right now,
199
00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:38,230
but mine is.
200
00:09:38,270 --> 00:09:40,140
You're taking advantage
of my sister-in-law.
201
00:09:40,170 --> 00:09:41,339
No, I'm not.
202
00:09:41,340 --> 00:09:43,140
I'm gonna pay her back every penny,
203
00:09:43,170 --> 00:09:44,470
including tuition.
204
00:09:44,510 --> 00:09:46,080
She's paying your tuition?
205
00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:47,880
That's between me and Jackie.
206
00:09:47,910 --> 00:09:49,280
Just fix the bike.
207
00:09:49,310 --> 00:09:50,940
That's supposedly what you're good at.
208
00:09:51,850 --> 00:09:53,620
Excuse me?
209
00:09:54,700 --> 00:09:57,150
Don't start a war of wits with me, Dan.
210
00:09:57,190 --> 00:09:58,860
You're unarmed.
211
00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:03,860
Touché. And since I am without wit,
212
00:10:03,890 --> 00:10:04,990
I'll take you out back
213
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:07,660
and rub your face against the bricks.
214
00:10:07,700 --> 00:10:08,900
Mm, of course.
215
00:10:08,930 --> 00:10:11,460
The uneducated man resorts to violence.
216
00:10:11,500 --> 00:10:13,260
So predictable.
217
00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:15,570
Excuse me. Hold on.
218
00:10:15,610 --> 00:10:17,070
Don't leave without your check.
219
00:10:19,620 --> 00:10:20,680
Ow.
220
00:10:27,250 --> 00:10:28,280
Hey.
221
00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:30,020
Right on time.
222
00:10:30,050 --> 00:10:31,640
You look beautiful.
223
00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:34,060
I already slept with you,
so let's just be cool.
224
00:10:38,230 --> 00:10:40,500
Oh, oh. I'm so sorry,
225
00:10:40,530 --> 00:10:43,930
but would you mind just
taking off your shoes?
226
00:10:43,970 --> 00:10:45,859
I, uh... I read this scientific thing
227
00:10:45,860 --> 00:10:47,176
about what you bring into your house
228
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:48,219
on the bottom of your shoes,
229
00:10:48,220 --> 00:10:50,440
and it kind of freaked me out.
230
00:10:50,500 --> 00:10:52,660
Oh, yeah, did you not
know the ground was dirty
231
00:10:52,670 --> 00:10:53,679
before reading that?
232
00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:58,620
But, um, still just rather
not take my shoes off,
233
00:10:58,630 --> 00:11:00,940
makes me feel shorter.
234
00:11:00,950 --> 00:11:03,640
I'd rather you would.
235
00:11:04,560 --> 00:11:05,980
Okay.
236
00:11:07,990 --> 00:11:09,060
Oh.
237
00:11:09,090 --> 00:11:10,390
Oh, let's just...
238
00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:16,830
So, I am making vegan paella, huh?
239
00:11:17,070 --> 00:11:20,640
So if you would like to
open up a bottle of wine,
240
00:11:20,670 --> 00:11:23,000
anything red on the bottom
row should be fine.
241
00:11:23,410 --> 00:11:25,280
Oh, this white looks pretty good.
242
00:11:25,310 --> 00:11:30,250
Oh, uh, actually, red
usually stands up better
243
00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:32,460
to a tomato-sauce base.
244
00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:34,020
Any bottle on the bottom row there.
245
00:11:34,050 --> 00:11:35,800
You know, the red.
246
00:11:35,850 --> 00:11:39,560
Uh, if you hate it, then
we can open up a white.
247
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:42,620
Yeah, I just tried it in
my mind, and I hated it.
248
00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:46,800
Well, try it in a glass.
249
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:48,770
You might like it.
250
00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:51,240
Uh, how about I just
help you with the food?
251
00:11:51,270 --> 00:11:52,360
Sure, that would be great.
252
00:11:52,370 --> 00:11:53,780
You can stir the paella.
253
00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:02,110
Hey, I'm glad you're here.
254
00:12:02,150 --> 00:12:03,310
Me, too.
255
00:12:09,050 --> 00:12:11,720
Huh?
256
00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:14,920
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
257
00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:18,230
It's better to add salt at the table.
258
00:12:18,260 --> 00:12:20,450
Well, let me just add a little,
259
00:12:20,460 --> 00:12:22,220
and you'll see that you like it.
260
00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:26,700
I tried it in my mind, and I hated it.
261
00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:30,440
You can't just grab something out
of my hand like I'm a child.
262
00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:31,980
I'm sorry.
263
00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:33,510
May I have the salt?
264
00:12:33,550 --> 00:12:35,600
- No.
- Please let go.
265
00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:37,460
- No, you let go.
- It's my salt.
266
00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:38,540
I'll buy you a new one.
267
00:12:38,550 --> 00:12:40,320
I asked you to stir, not season.
268
00:12:40,350 --> 00:12:41,760
I thought you're glad I'm here.
269
00:12:41,770 --> 00:12:44,520
I am. I'm just not
glad you're seasoning.
270
00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:46,520
Why are you fighting with me?
271
00:12:46,560 --> 00:12:47,830
I...
272
00:12:47,860 --> 00:12:50,030
Man, I spent hours
getting everything ready
273
00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:52,030
to show you a nice evening.
274
00:12:52,060 --> 00:12:54,870
Why can't you just
relax, enjoy yourself?
275
00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:57,270
Why can't you just let me enjoy myself
276
00:12:57,300 --> 00:12:59,370
the way I want to enjoy myself?
277
00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:01,740
Because the only way that
you can enjoy yourself
278
00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:04,480
is by making me not enjoy myself.
279
00:13:04,540 --> 00:13:07,450
Oh, well, I'm sorry I'm
ruining your evening.
280
00:13:07,460 --> 00:13:08,580
I'm getting my shoes.
281
00:13:08,610 --> 00:13:10,299
You can't wear them in here.
282
00:13:10,300 --> 00:13:11,650
I know.
283
00:13:12,260 --> 00:13:13,750
Well, where are you going?
284
00:13:13,790 --> 00:13:16,880
Home, to cook in my shoes
and salt everything.
285
00:13:19,620 --> 00:13:21,600
- Hi, there.
- Oh, hi.
286
00:13:21,640 --> 00:13:22,960
What are you doing here?
287
00:13:22,970 --> 00:13:24,470
I-I'm sorry. That sounded rude.
288
00:13:24,510 --> 00:13:26,640
Uh, what are you doing
here instead of David,
289
00:13:26,650 --> 00:13:28,740
who I wish was here instead of you?
290
00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:30,299
Well, he couldn't come,
291
00:13:30,300 --> 00:13:33,340
so I'll be going over the kids'
Christmas lists with you.
292
00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:35,720
I'll just wait for you at that table.
293
00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:37,450
Just throw something in a cup.
294
00:13:37,470 --> 00:13:38,740
I got to get out of here.
295
00:13:39,820 --> 00:13:41,540
The real reason I'm here
296
00:13:41,550 --> 00:13:44,510
is I'm having some problems with David.
297
00:13:44,540 --> 00:13:46,620
Mm.
298
00:13:46,630 --> 00:13:49,170
Well, look, I really don't
want to get involved,
299
00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:50,446
and I got to go back to the counter
300
00:13:50,470 --> 00:13:51,580
so someone doesn't grab my c...
301
00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:52,600
Oh.
302
00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:54,640
Thank you for doing something
you guys rarely do
303
00:13:54,670 --> 00:13:57,080
at the worst possible time.
304
00:13:57,220 --> 00:14:00,479
Okay, so, the problem with David
305
00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:02,380
is he's afraid to make decisions.
306
00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:04,280
It doesn't matter if
it's choosing a doctor
307
00:14:04,300 --> 00:14:06,100
or potato chips.
308
00:14:06,130 --> 00:14:07,870
How did you deal with that?
309
00:14:07,900 --> 00:14:09,370
I can't help you. I found the fact
310
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:10,620
that he was born without a backbone
311
00:14:10,630 --> 00:14:12,259
one of his best features.
312
00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:16,600
I guess I'm just gonna have to
get him to see a therapist.
313
00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:18,039
Just don't over-fix him.
314
00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:19,856
There are guys that want
to make all the decisions,
315
00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:22,320
and that's way more annoying.
316
00:14:23,350 --> 00:14:25,120
You seem super tense.
317
00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:30,190
Uh, what ya doing there?
318
00:14:32,260 --> 00:14:34,900
I used to be a massage therapist.
319
00:14:34,930 --> 00:14:36,900
Are you dating a guy who's bossy?
320
00:14:36,930 --> 00:14:40,520
Uh, I-I really don't want to
talk about this with you.
321
00:14:40,540 --> 00:14:44,470
Sometimes saying it out
loud really helps.
322
00:14:44,510 --> 00:14:46,380
Just pretend like I'm not even here.
323
00:14:46,610 --> 00:14:49,280
Oh, I like that.
324
00:14:49,310 --> 00:14:51,510
Um...
325
00:14:51,550 --> 00:14:54,180
All right, uh, I started dating my boss.
326
00:14:54,220 --> 00:14:57,490
He's really controlling, and, you know,
327
00:14:57,520 --> 00:14:58,736
I don't think it's gonna work out.
328
00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:00,819
Well, one thing I learned
in a previous job,
329
00:15:00,820 --> 00:15:02,460
before massage therapy,
330
00:15:02,490 --> 00:15:05,960
is that people who have a
lot of responsibilities,
331
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:09,570
secretly, they want to give
up control to someone else.
332
00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:11,960
Nobody I know.
333
00:15:11,980 --> 00:15:13,370
Oh, believe me.
334
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:16,599
Once they were strapped
in and had the mask on
335
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:19,650
and gave up total control to me,
336
00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:22,380
they... they seemed pretty happy.
337
00:15:24,950 --> 00:15:27,420
Um, unless you were an anesthesiologist,
338
00:15:27,450 --> 00:15:30,320
I think you're telling me
you were a dominatrix.
339
00:15:30,380 --> 00:15:32,120
It was a long time ago,
340
00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:34,980
and I was the opposite
of an anesthesiologist.
341
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:37,930
I, you know, brought a lot of pain.
342
00:15:41,700 --> 00:15:43,200
And the one thing I learned
343
00:15:43,230 --> 00:15:46,840
is that giving up control
can make people happier.
344
00:15:46,970 --> 00:15:48,410
Yeah, not this guy.
345
00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:50,800
He wouldn't even give up the salt.
346
00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:53,080
I'm talking about you.
347
00:15:53,110 --> 00:15:54,840
Give him a chance to lead.
348
00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:56,320
You might like it.
349
00:15:56,410 --> 00:15:59,180
Well, thanks for the advice.
350
00:16:00,750 --> 00:16:02,850
Oh, and by the way,
351
00:16:02,890 --> 00:16:04,860
now that I know you're a dominatrix,
352
00:16:04,890 --> 00:16:07,260
you and David make way more sense.
353
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:13,230
I'm here to write you a
check for the Vespa parts.
354
00:16:13,730 --> 00:16:16,940
Heard you had a nice chat with Peter.
355
00:16:17,670 --> 00:16:19,800
We had a chat.
356
00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:21,600
What'd you talk about?
357
00:16:21,740 --> 00:16:24,340
Oh, we touched on a lot of things.
358
00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:27,880
We had a wide-ranging discussion
about a variety of topics.
359
00:16:29,500 --> 00:16:34,699
Did you threaten to loofah
his face with a brick wall?
360
00:16:34,700 --> 00:16:37,090
We may have covered that.
361
00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:38,950
And did you talk about how you think
362
00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:40,520
he's taking advantage of me
363
00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:42,780
and how I'm a stupid old woman?
364
00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:43,810
No.
365
00:16:43,820 --> 00:16:45,260
Have you noticed that I'm talking
366
00:16:45,300 --> 00:16:47,600
increasingly louder and louder?
367
00:16:47,630 --> 00:16:50,019
I... I had begun to notice that, yes.
368
00:16:50,020 --> 00:16:52,270
How dare you talk to my boyfriend
369
00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:54,880
about things that are
private between him and me?
370
00:16:54,910 --> 00:16:56,640
You're in denial about this guy.
371
00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:59,280
All you do is give, and
all he does is take.
372
00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:00,700
You're totally wrong.
373
00:17:00,810 --> 00:17:02,350
He treats me well, Dan.
374
00:17:02,380 --> 00:17:05,879
It's an equal relationship,
and he gives me so much.
375
00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:07,290
We have fun together.
376
00:17:07,300 --> 00:17:09,890
We talk. We... We... We discuss books.
377
00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:11,959
He brings me pancakes in bed.
378
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:14,760
I don't think you understand
how much pancakes cost.
379
00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:18,279
You asked me to be a sounding board
380
00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:20,050
like Rosie used to be.
381
00:17:20,070 --> 00:17:21,730
I'm just doing what she would've done.
382
00:17:21,770 --> 00:17:24,700
Roseanne would've come to me first
383
00:17:24,740 --> 00:17:26,670
and tried to break down my self-esteem
384
00:17:26,700 --> 00:17:27,710
until I broke up with him,
385
00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:32,120
and you did not show
me the same respect.
386
00:17:32,180 --> 00:17:34,450
Look, I'm keeping my eye on this guy.
387
00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:35,900
I don't want to see you get hurt.
388
00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:37,360
Well, thank you for caring.
389
00:17:37,370 --> 00:17:39,260
I'm a grown woman. I can handle myself.
390
00:17:39,270 --> 00:17:40,840
- Do we understand each other?
- We do.
391
00:17:40,850 --> 00:17:42,399
And we both know that
we love each other.
392
00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:43,480
- We do.
- And if you ever do
393
00:17:43,490 --> 00:17:44,490
something like this again,
394
00:17:44,500 --> 00:17:47,040
I will move in here, and so help me,
395
00:17:47,130 --> 00:17:50,060
I will bring Mom with me.
396
00:17:54,100 --> 00:17:56,070
Morning.
397
00:17:56,100 --> 00:17:57,480
Good morning.
398
00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:02,880
Okay, come on. Are we gonna
talk about last night or what?
399
00:18:02,910 --> 00:18:04,540
Oh, not necessary.
400
00:18:04,580 --> 00:18:06,099
Last night was personal.
401
00:18:06,100 --> 00:18:08,100
This is business. Let's just work.
402
00:18:08,180 --> 00:18:09,820
If that's what you want.
403
00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:14,340
So, I know you wanted to
do a cover of mug shots,
404
00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:15,820
people who were all born this month
405
00:18:15,860 --> 00:18:17,900
and call it "Born Under a Bad Sign,"
406
00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:22,900
but I was thinking of doing
a grouping by hair color
407
00:18:22,930 --> 00:18:26,820
and calling it "Blondes Have More Guns."
408
00:18:30,940 --> 00:18:32,410
Sounds fine.
409
00:18:32,540 --> 00:18:35,980
That's a weird way of
saying something sucks.
410
00:18:36,010 --> 00:18:38,060
No, really. It's fine.
411
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:40,250
Um, certainly not worth fighting over.
412
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:44,090
Well, since you're in
such an agreeable mood,
413
00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:46,190
here's another idea I just had.
414
00:18:46,220 --> 00:18:49,000
We do an all-woman edition
under the headline
415
00:18:49,060 --> 00:18:50,900
"Bitches Be Crazy."
416
00:18:55,900 --> 00:18:57,530
That may not be well-received.
417
00:18:59,100 --> 00:19:00,740
I think you're pushing my buttons,
418
00:19:00,750 --> 00:19:01,800
but I'm not gonna give in.
419
00:19:01,820 --> 00:19:03,620
I'm just gonna sit here and try to find
420
00:19:03,630 --> 00:19:06,920
the pressure points that
my dominatrix taught me.
421
00:19:11,180 --> 00:19:12,510
More on that later.
422
00:19:12,550 --> 00:19:13,860
But...
423
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:16,380
Come on. Let's talk about
last night, please?
424
00:19:16,420 --> 00:19:19,440
I am sorry that I got upset.
425
00:19:19,620 --> 00:19:21,890
You know, I'm just used
to being the only alpha
426
00:19:21,900 --> 00:19:23,160
in a relationship.
427
00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:25,390
Me too.
428
00:19:25,430 --> 00:19:28,300
Can two alphas have a
relationship that works?
429
00:19:28,330 --> 00:19:31,480
Both of us just have to let go.
430
00:19:31,540 --> 00:19:34,820
So, you're saying we
just have a relationship
431
00:19:34,900 --> 00:19:37,810
with no plan at all, no safeguards,
432
00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:39,640
nobody leading, just trust...
433
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:41,920
Oh, I can't breathe.
434
00:19:43,150 --> 00:19:47,080
Okay, so, I am gonna trust you.
435
00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:49,620
You're gonna trust me.
436
00:19:49,650 --> 00:19:52,420
And we may end up ripping
each other's hearts out.
437
00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:55,260
I'm in.
438
00:19:55,690 --> 00:19:56,890
Me too.
439
00:20:01,900 --> 00:20:04,620
All right, let's get back to work.
440
00:20:06,660 --> 00:20:10,399
Hey, who tore the eyes
out of the hot blonde
441
00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:12,040
that was going on the cover?
442
00:20:13,710 --> 00:20:17,100
Could've been anybody. Bitches be crazy.
443
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:22,340
Can I talk to you guys for a minute?
444
00:20:22,690 --> 00:20:25,400
I have a question about relationships.
445
00:20:29,030 --> 00:20:31,890
Okay, so, there's this boy at
school that I want to date,
446
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:33,430
but he wants me to be exclusive.
447
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:34,480
How do I decide?
448
00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:36,690
Don't ask anybody about
your relationships.
449
00:20:36,700 --> 00:20:38,510
They just want to get all
up in your business.
450
00:20:38,540 --> 00:20:39,680
It's a big aggravation.
451
00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:41,340
Die alone. It's easier.
452
00:20:43,550 --> 00:20:44,570
Mom?
453
00:20:44,580 --> 00:20:46,250
Oh, man.
454
00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:48,820
Relationship dynamics
are so complicated.
455
00:20:48,850 --> 00:20:50,859
You zig, and then they zag,
456
00:20:50,860 --> 00:20:53,090
then you zig, and then they zig.
457
00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:56,400
It's all like one big cosmic yank.
458
00:20:56,460 --> 00:20:58,300
I guess I'll go ask Aunt Becky.
459
00:20:58,310 --> 00:20:59,440
- No, no, no, no!
- No, no!
460
00:20:59,460 --> 00:21:01,839
Tell us more! Tell us
more about this boy.
461
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:06,140
- Synced & corrected by
MementMori -
...
www.addic7ed.com ...
33288